Cindilee
Kwan Bae couldn't understand why she couldn't be herself
Chapter One
On October 31st, Nineteen hundred eighty eight, at three twenty three in the morning, Kwan Bae Brooks was brought into the world in Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.
After eighteen hours of labor, Jung, his nineteen year old mother was drenched in sweat and totally exhausted. Her husband of a year and a half, Justin Brooks was stroking her hair and holding her hand. She was shivering uncontrollably from the shock of the birth, and the nurse place a warm blanket over her
“Great job, honey! We have a little boy! Kwan Bae Brooks!”
Jung gave him a tired but satisfied smile, “T-Thanks, J-J-Justin. Will you tell mom and d-d-dad?”
Justin smiled and kissed her forehead. “Of course, babe! I know they’ll be as proud as I am”
Jung’s shivering had abated somewhat. “You know, we don’t have to give him a Korean name. It’s really okay if we don’t”
“Jung, you carried this child for nine months and did all the work delivering him. I know you are okay with whatever we name him, but I know it’s important to your family to give him a family name. It’s my honor to name him after your grandfather. The important thing is, he has my last name”
Jung began to cry. “I just love you so much, Justin. Thank you for being so understanding”
Justin, still holding Jung’s hand replied. “I love you too, beautiful, now let’s just enjoy the moment”
The delivery team did the post birth checkups and verified that little Kwan was a healthy baby boy.
After Jung was asleep, Justin made the calls to his parents as well as Jung’s.
Jung’s father, Yeong Song answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Dad, its Justin. You have a new grandson, Kwan Bae Brooks”
Yeong smiled as he gently nudged his wife, Hyeon. She sat up in bed, knowing that they had a new grandson.
Yeong continued. You named the child Kwan Bae?”
“Yes sir and I was proud to. You and mom have been so good to us, this was my way of honoring you”
Yeong was overcome. “That was my father’s name. Thank you, son. This is indeed an honor”
Hyeon poked her husband. “How big? How long? Is Jung okay?”
’s father motioned for his wife to be quiet down. “Son, your mother-in —law is going crazy here. Why don’t you talk to her?
Justin gave her all of the little details that women love to hear about a new birth. They lived several hours away from Los Angeles in Phoenix, so Jung’s parents would start driving the next day.
Kwan grew over the next few years. Jung was so proud of her little boy. He was serious as a little baby, not really smiling much, but he was very intelligent. The terrible twos found the little boy exploring his world, much to the dismay of his mother and father, who found it difficult at times to keep him from exploring things he shouldn’t.
As the toddler grew into a preschooler, his mother began to notice that he was a bit higher strung than other boys his age. He didn’t like the same things they did, and was far more at ease playing with the little girls his age. In fact when he referred to himself, it was as a girl. His parents tended to ignore this, as they felt he was too young to know the difference.
As his early years progressed, he became increasingly distant from his father. He didn’t want to play ball or guns even refusing to play with the toy cars his father bought him. Every time he had to go to the barbershop, he would throw a fit, saying he didn’t want to get his hair cut. He said none of the other girls got theirs cut. They finally let him keep his hair a little longer, in a kind of page boy cut that was on the androgynous side.
“I don’t get it, Jung” Justin finally said one day. “What is up with that boy? He keeps insisting he’s a girl”
“Oh, honey, he doesn’t know the difference, yet. It’s probably just a phase he’s going through. He’s only four, for heaven’s sake”
Justin sighed. “I suppose you’re right, Jung. It just seems none of the other boys his age are going through anything like this”
Jung laughed, which made Justin smile. “Oh, honey, we aren’t around them at home. For all we know, they wear party dresses at home. He’ll be fine. And it’s harmless. He always wants to help me clean and cook. You leave him alone. It will serve him well when he finds that special girl!”
At five, his mother asked him what he wanted for his birthday. “Barbie!” was the enthusiastic reply. And he also wanted to be Ariel from “The Little Mermaid” for Trick or Treating.
“But Kwan Bae, Barbie is for girls. Ariel is a girl’s costume”
Kwan rolled his eyes. “Duh, Mommy! I know! I am a girl!”
Jung frowned. “Kwan, you do know you’re a boy, don’t you”
A look of panic flooded Kwan Bae’s face. “NO I’M NOT, MOMMY! TAKE IT BACK!” He then burst into tears and ran to his room, slamming the door.
Jung rushed to Kwan Bae’s room and quietly opened the door. Her son was sobbing on his bed, repeating “I am NOT a boy! Boys are yucky!”
Jung’s heart broke at the sight. Something was wrong with Kwan. He really thought he was a girl.
She sat down on his bed and rubbed his back. “It’s okay, Kwan. Shhhh. Don’t cry” Tears were rolling down her face.
Kwan looked at her with reddened eyes. “Why do you keep calling me a boy? I hate boys!”
“Baby, you are a boy”
“Why do you keep saying that? Daddy keeps treating me like a boy. He keeps cutting my hair and making me wear these yucky boy clothes. I think he’s so mean! I hate him!”
“Honey! Don’t say that! You’re daddy loves you sooo much!”
“If he loves me, then why doesn’t he let me dress like the rest of the girls? They have Pretty dresses. All I have is pants!” he burst into tears again.
As Jung comforted her son, she had an idea. “Kwan Bae, I can prove you are a boy”
“How?” he petulantly replied.
“Come with me” She took him to the bookshelf and pulled down a book. It was an old health book. In it, she read to Kwan about the difference between boys and girls. “See, Kwan? You have what is called a penis. Girls don’t have one”
Kwan started to shake. Quietly, he said. “Cut it off, Mommy. I hate it. I HATE IT!”
Kwan Bae ran as fast as his legs would move to the kitchen. Jung was close on his heels. He reached for a knife. The only one he could find was a butter knife. He tried to hand it to his mother. “CUT IT OFF! PLEASE! I don’t want it! I don’t want it! I…don’t…want…”
His eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out. As he fell, he struck his head on the floor. Blood poured from the wound that opened.
“Kwan! Oh my God! KWAN!”
The call to 911 followed, and the ambulance arrived within ten minutes. Jung was sobbing, rocking and cradling her son, who hadn’t moved since his fall. The rag she had used to keep pressure on his wound was soaked.
“He fell…he fell” was all she could say. “It’s all my fault. Please help him” She was in shock.
One of the paramedics gently took the boy. “We’ll take good care of him, ma’am. What’s his name?”
“Kwan Bae” was the wooden reply.
The men proceeded to begin to stabilize the boy. He looked ashen, and was completely limp. They did their jobs, as Jung was in a daze.
“Ma’am. Ma’am! We need you to come with us”
Jung got up like a zombie and followed the medics to the ambulance. One of them turned to her and asked “Where is the boy’s father?”
Jung looked at the medic blankly “Who? Oh, his father. I need to call him” She reached for her purse, suddenly realizing she didn’t have it. “I need to get my purse! What will Justin say! He’ll hate me! I let our baby fall!” She started to panic, but was grabbed by the medic. “Ma’am! Calm down. We need to get your son to the hospital, and we need you to be there for him. Get your purse and hurry!”
The trip to the hospital was a blur for Jung. They asked her questions about what happened, and she answered them like a robot. The emergency room was what could best be described as orderly chaos. The ER doctor was on the spot as soon as the ambulance stopped. Jung understood that Kwan had some sort of a brain injury.
They took him into the trauma room. Jung tried to go in, but a nurse guided her gently to the waiting area. Jung sat there crying.
“Mrs. Brooks?”
“Yes? Is my baby okay?”
“That’s not why I’m here. I’m Lorraine Ringdahl, and I’m with social services. We need to talk about what happened to your son”
To be continued
Kwan couldn't understand why she couldn't be herself
Chapter Two
Jung’s eyes flashed with anger. “What do you mean? He fainted and hit his head on the floor!”
“Mrs. Brooks, it is standard operating procedure when a child is injured to investigate and determine the cause. It’s my job to find that out”
“My God. You think I beat my baby, don’t you?” Jung looked down as tears dripped into her lap. Why did this have to happen?”
Lorraine was carrying a portfolio which she opened. “Mrs. Brooks, please, calm down. Can I explain something to you?”
Jung simply nodded.
I take a great deal of pride in what I do. I have put away hundreds of abusive parents and molesters by being good at what I do. I’m good at what I do because I never make assumptions. I want to talk to you because right now, I can’t talk to Kwan Bae. You’re the only one that was there who can talk to me. I’m not assuming anything; I just want your story”
Jung was somewhat calmed by Lorraine. She seemed to be a reasonable person. “Okay, I guess. What do you want to know?”
“Everything. Every detail about the incident”
Jung related the events of the day, and what happened to cause Kwan to faint.
Lorraine listened carefully and made copious notes. Finally, after Jung was done, Lorraine sighed. “I’ve got to say, this is the first time I’ve heard anything like this. I know Kwan doesn’t have a history of accidents. If the X rays back this up, I see no reason to pursue this further.
Jung looked as if the weight of the world was off her shoulders. “Thank you. You have to believe I would never do anything to hurt my baby”
“I’m just doing my job, Mrs. Brooks. It’s nothing personal” She rose to leave, then stopped and turned. “Mrs. Brooks, can I offer some advice?”
“Sure. I ‘d appreciate that”
“If what you’re telling me is true, I suspect your child may be transgendered. I’ve never seen it in someone as young as Kwan, but you need to get him into counseling as soon as possible. You and your husband should participate actively in this”
“Transgendered? What’s that?”
“The mind doesn’t match the body. Gender Identity Disorder is quite serious. It can result in crippling depression, even suicide. It’s not made up, and if true, Kwan isn’t just acting out”
“I don’t get it. He’s a boy!”
Lorraine nodded. “Physically, yes. But the mind, the essence of who he is, may not be. This sets up a conflict that cannot be resolved. I don’t know if this is the case with your son or not. But you owe it to him to at least explore this possibility. His life may depend on it”
Jung buried her head in her hands. “This is too much right now!”
Lorraine sat down and out her arm around Jung. “Focus on Kwan getting better. But don’t forget what I’ve said here today. Not if you really want to get to the bottom of his problems”
“Thank you. Ms. Ringdahl. I won’t forget”
As Lorraine left, Justin entered the waiting room. “How is Kwan, honey?”
Jung flew into Justin’s arms, sobbing all over again. “Justin! Thank God you’re here! He’s so sick. It was terrible!”
“Hey, it’s okay Jung. This is not your fault”
“It is, Justin. It’s all my fault. You should have heard him!”
Justin stroked Jung’s long black hair. “Let’s not worry about what happened now. Let’s focus on what’s happening now”
Twenty minutes later, Dr. Tri Indah, the trauma doctor found the Brooks in the waiting room. “Mr. and Mrs. Brooks?”
Justin and Jung stood up. “Yes, Doctor?”
“Kwan is in intensive care right now. He’s got a subdural hematoma, along with a concussion. I’m not going to sugar coat things. He’s in critical condition right now”
Jung sat heavily on the sofa. “Oh, God”
“It’s not all bad news. There was no arterial damage, and the bleeding is under control. He should recover, but there’s no guarantee that there won’t be some brain damage. I just don’t know right now. My specialty is neurology, so I do know a little bit about what I’m talking about”
“Can we see him?” asked Justin.
“Of course. Just be careful around him. No hugging or jiggling”
“Okay, Doctor. Just lead the way”
Justin pulled Jung up gently. He was almost a foot taller than his wife, who, at 5 feet three inches tall was average for a Korean girl. Justin couldn’t help but notice how frail Jung looked at that moment.
Kwan looked tiny in the big hospital bed. He was breathing on his own, but was so still. Justin’s throat caught at the sight of his boy lying there. “How long before we know anything, Doctor?”
Dr. Indah shook her head. “I don’t know. It could be an hour, could be a week. When Kwan is ready to wake up, he will. The human body’s healing capability is quite remarkable. Trust it. He’ll come back”
Jung pulled a chair up to Kwan’s bedside. “I’ll be right here when you wake up, honey”
The hours dragged on. Twelve. Eighteen. Twenty four. Jung and Justin took turns watching Kwan and catching a little sleep in the waiting room.
Finally, at hour thirty six, Kwan moaned. “mommyyyy?”
Jung, dozing in the chair, sat bolt upright at the sound. “Kwan? Honey, mommy’s here!” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she pressed the call button on the bed. “Thank you, God”
Kwan’s eyes fluttered open. “Mommy, my head hurts”
Jung smiled through her tears. “I know honey. We’ll get you something for that, okay”
The nurse came into the room. She saw what had transpired and smiled. “So our little sleepyhead is awake? I’ll call the Doctor”
The next few hours were devoted to checking on Kwan’s well being. He was understandably cranky, but testing showed no lasting damage. His scalp was shaved in the spot where his wound was, as he had gotten eight stitches to close the wound on his scalp.
They had moved Kwan to a regular room when it was felt that he was out of danger. Jung and Justin were with him the whole time.
“You were very brave, Kwan” said Jung with a smile as she held his hand.
“I’m a brave girl, Mommy” Kwan replied, smiling and squeezing his mother’s hand.
Justin raised his eyebrow. “But Kwan, you’re a…”
“Very brave girl” Jung interrupted, shooting a look at Justin to be quiet. “Why don’t you get some sleep, honey. It’s almost your birthday, and we want you to be home for it. I’ll have a brand new Barbie for you when you get home”
“Really?” Kwan yawned. “Okay Mommy. I am sleepy. G’night”
In a few minutes, Kwan was sound asleep.
“Jung, what the heck was this ‘girl’ stuff? In case you haven’t noticed, he’s a boy?”
“I know, Justin. But he doesn’t. That’s why we’re here in the first place”
“What do you mean, Jung? What aren’t you telling me?”
Jung looked over at her sleeping child. “I guess I had hoped that the brain injury would somehow fix what was wrong. Maybe it was stupid, but I hoped…” she trailed off.
Justin moved over to Jung. “What’s going on, Honey? Out with it” he was gentle, but firm.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed that Kwan is a bit different that other boys his age haven’t you?”
“Yeah, a little. What’s up?”
“He told me that he hates boys, and that he isn’t one. He told me he’s a girl”
“Well I hope you set him straight”
“I tried, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Maybe more to the point, he denied it. He told me he hated you for making him get his hair cut. He was mad because he couldn’t wear dresses like his friends. I even showed him in a book how he was a physically a boy. He just froze up and fainted. That’s how we ended up here”
Justin was speechless. He just rubbed his chin, thinking. Finally, he just said. “Son of a bitch” then left the room. Jung wanted to follow, but she knew he needed to be alone.
Jung was watching he son sleep. She was lost in thought when Justin quietly re entered the room. “Okay, Jung. Kwan has a problem. I’ve heard about this before. I happened to see a story on the news about a kid maybe ten years old who went through the same problem. He was pretty much a miserable kid until his folks finally let him be who he was” He shook his head. “Never thought that would be my kid, and not at four years old”
Jung stood and held her husband. “What did we do wrong, Justin?”
“From what I can tell, nothing, Jung. We did the best we could. This is something I don’t understand. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch my kid suffer. I’ll find a good counselor. If this isn’t a phase, we’ll deal with it. He’s still our child, boy or girl, and it’s our responsibility to make sure our child is happy”
“But what will our parents say? You know my mom and dad are Christians. They are very straight laced about things”
“Our parents will have to deal with it. I don’t tell them how to run their lives and I expect the same in return”
“What about our friends?”
“What about them? Jung, you seen to be worried about everyone but Kwan”
“No, it’s just that…I don’t know how to deal with this”
“Yes you do, Jung. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit. When Kwan called himself a girl and I tried to butt in, you shut me down. You protected your child. Just keep doing that”
Jung smiled and pulled her husband’s face down to hers and gave him a kiss. “I knew there was a reason I thought you were good enough to marry me! You’re smarter than you look!”
As they broke the kiss, Justin looked over at the sleeping form of Kwan and sighed. “It’s going to get worse before it gets better, Jung. But we’ll get through it”
Kwan got better, and after a week in the hospital, he was discharged. The Social services investigator found no cause to dig any deeper into the Brooks family. The accident was just that, an accident. Justin had gotten a referral to a psychiatrist who specialized in gender disorders. After an interview over the phone with Justin, she agreed to see Kwan.
Dr. Stacee Abney was a specialist in the Gender Identity field. When she received the call about a four year old patient, she jumped at the chance. This could lead to some ground breaking research in the field. The Brooks family wasn’t that well off financially, so she offered to take the case pro bono. She was too responsible to just rubber stamp the transition, but she knew that if the patient was already trying to present female, the chances were way better than average that the little boy would transition early.
The first session was scheduled for the day Kwan got out of the hospital. Stacee thought it critical to get a quick start on the profile. Justin and Jung brought their son in five minutes early.
Stacee greeted them. She was waiting behind her receptionist when the family entered the office.
“Well hello, Mr. and Mrs. Brooks. It’s so nice to meet you!”
“Thank you for doing this, Doctor. We really appreciate it. Jung and I know you are very busy”
“It’s nothing, Mr. Brooks. I’m glad to do it. We don’t see many cases like Kwan’s in our line of work. You’re doing me as big a favor. And please, call me Stacee. And this is Kwan?”
Jung answered. “Yes, this is Kwan Bae. Say hello to Stacee, Kwan”
Kwan blushed. “Hello, Dr. Stacee. Are you gonna help me?”
Stacee knelt to Kwan’s level. “You are so adorable, Kwan! And yes, we’re going to talk a lot, and you can tell me anything you want. Is that all right with you?”
Kwan looked down, blushing furiously. “Yes”
Stacee looked at Jung and Justin. “I’d like to talk to Kwan alone for a bit, if that’s okay. Shawn?” she motioned to her receptionist. Take Mr. and Mrs. Brooks to the special waiting room, please”
Stacee took Kwan’s hand. “And you, precious. Come with me. I have a room with a lot of things to do where we can talk and have fun, okay?”
Kwan’s face lit up. “Really? Do you have dolls?”
“You bet!” smiled Stacee. “Come on!”
Shawn directed Justin and Jung to a small room by Dr. Abney’s office. It had video monitoring equipment in the toy room.
“Is this right?” asked Justin. “I feel like we’re spying”
“Dr. Abney just does this with very young patients. It gets them to open up without the pressure of parents being around. It’s a place free of judgment. Dr. Abney wants you to monitor what happens. Pay close attention, because she’ll want to talk to you afterwards.
They watched the monitor, curious as to what would follow.
“So sweetie, what do you like to play with?”
“Oh, playing with my friend Hannah, she has lots of Barbies. They are so much fun to dress up, and we have tea parties, and play with her teddy bears, I have one too!”
“That’s nice, Kwan, what’s his name?”
“HER name, Dr. Stacee. Her name is Mi Sun. She’s my friend! She listens all the time”
“That’s wonderful, Kwan. Do you have any boy toys?”
Kwan was stroking the hair of a Barbie doll absent mindedly. “Yeah, but they’re really yucky. I don’t like cars and guns and stuff. I feel bad for daddy, because he bought then for me, but I just don’t like them. It’s not what a girl plays with”
“Kwan, who told you that you were a girl?”
“I dunno. I’ve always known it. Did anyone tell you that you were a girl?”
Stacee laughed. “Good point, Kwan. So, no one told you, you just knew”
“Yes. Then mommy said I was a boy. That was really mean. I would never call her a boy. They’re gross!” Kwan giggled.
“Kwan, has anyone ever touched you where you didn’t want to be touched?”
Kwan frowned. “Oh, no, Dr. Stacee. I’d tell mommy and daddy right away. That’s bad”
“You’re right, Kwan, and that’s good that you feel that way. Your parents have taught you very well”
Kwan smiled. “I have a good mommy and daddy” He leaned forward in a whisper. “They are just mixed up. They think I’m a boy. Would you tell them I’m not?”
Tears were flowing down both Justin and Jung’s face. How could they have not seen this before?
After more back and forth between doctor and patient, Stacee told Kwan she had to go for a while, but that Miss Shawn would come in and give him a juice box and a cookie if he wanted one.
“Do you have orange? I love orange”
“Whatever you want. You can keep playing and Miss Shawn will be in here shortly”
“Okay Dr. Stacee!
“Oh, and one more thing. If you had a choice of a name that wasn’t Kwan, what would it be?”
“Hyun Ae. Mommy said it meant wise and loving. Mommy said that would have been my name if I wasn’t named Kwan”
“All right, Kwan” I’ll be back.
Stacee tried to gather her thoughts. She had taken several notes during her interview with Kwan. She felt troubled. How could a child as young and innocent as Kwan have come to the conclusion he was a girl? This was next level stuff. If Kwan was sixteen, this was a no brainer. But four? If she recommended transition, she would no doubt be excoriated by some, revered by others. Transgender groups would hail it as a quantum leap forward. That didn’t matter to Stacee. In nineteen years of private practice, this was a new one. Stacee took the case as an opportunity to further the science of Gender Studies. She sighed. That was before she put a cute little face to the subject.
“Justin, Jung, we need to talk…”
To be continued
Kwan was just trying to be who she was
Chapter 3
Stacee led Kwan’s parents to her office. “Please, sit down. Can I get you anything? Coffee or tea perhaps? I’m making some tea for myself, so it’s really no trouble”
“I’ll have some herbal tea if you have some, please. It helps me calm down and after what I just saw, I could use it” replied Jung.
Justin just shook his head. “I’m good”
“Wonderful! I have an herbal blend you’ll just love. I really hate drinking alone, but I could use something right now, and I don’t drink alcohol” Stacee laughed nervously.
As she prepared the tea she gathered her thoughts. “Justin, Jung, when I agreed to see Kwan, I was being a bit selfish. Cases of Gender Dysphoria in a child as young as Kwan are very rare. I say rare, not because I believe they are truly rare, but because they aren’t brought to the attention of professionals this early. It says a lot about you as parents that you cared enough to explore this possibility”
Jung nodded. “Thank you, Stacee, but truthfully, I never considered the possibility until a social worker investigating Kwan’s accident suggested it”
“Really. Who was it?”
“Her name was…drat! I have her card” she pulled the card out of her purse. Here it is. Lorraine Ringdahl”
Stacee recognized the name immediately. Lorraine was a patient of hers who began her male to female transition as a fifteen year old. “Lorraine? I know her. She’s a good friend of mine. She’s very smart, and has a load of common sense” Lorraine had been responsible for getting help for three girls who were now living productive lives. Girls that had been on the brink of suicide when she rescued them from horrible family situations.
Jung continued. “Well, she seemed to know something about this problem, so we followed up. Jung turned to her husband and grabbed his hand. Justin has been so wonderful through this. He was the one who arranged all of this”
Justin looked a bit embarrassed. “I just want Kwan to be happy, and now I know he isn’t”
“Justin, can you tell me a bit about yourself? What were you like as a child?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I guess a normal kid. I liked sports, playing outside, riding bikes. Getting into trouble. Things boys do”
“What do you mean, ‘things boys do’?”
Justin scratched his head, thinking. “Heck, Stacee, I don’t know. We didn’t care about girls. We just had fun exploring and doing new things”
Stacee nodded as she took notes. “I’m not grilling you, Justin. I am genuinely curious, and it will help me understand the environment Kwan lives in”
“I understand, but what does what I did as a kid have any bearing on Kwan?”
“I’ll get to that later. What about later, during your later teen and early adult years?”
“Well, I played baseball in high school. I was good enough to get a scholarship to Cal Berkeley. Dated a little, but I wasn’t one to try to get girls to bed. It just didn’t seem right. I kept thinking what I would have done if my sisters ran into someone like that. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’”
“Interesting. When did you meet Jung?”
“Well, she’s seven years younger than me, but a lot older in a lot of ways that count. I had graduated from college and gotten a job working in the same company her dad worked. I ended up in the same department as her dad, and we hit it off. He invited me to his home and I met Jung. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I had never met someone like her”
“I talked to her dad soon thereafter. I told him I would like to ask Jung for a date, but I wouldn’t do it without his blessing. I even asked her mom and dad to come with us as often as they wished. That seemed to work, but I didn’t do it to score points. I knew that she was the girl I wanted to marry”
Jung was smiling at her husband. She added “And we got married as soon as I graduated from high school”
Stacee turned to Jung. “And you wanted this?”
“Oh yes! I never wanted to be a career girl. It may seem old fashioned, but my mom was there for me growing up, and I wanted to do the same for my children. I just wanted to be a mommy. It seemed more important to raise good children than to have another car or things. Justin made enough money, so it never was an issue. Some of my girlfriends growing up don’t understand, but that’s okay. I’m truly happy”
“You had Kwan at nineteen?”
“Yes, and it was the happiest day of my life. Justin and I brought a baby into this world!”
Stacee could see that the two were genuine. If there was an ideal situation to raise a child, this was it, on the outside. She decided to probe deeper.
“Do you two ever argue?”
Justin laughed. “Doesn’t everyone? I can be a jerk sometimes and she can be a baby girl. But we have tried to live by the motto ‘never let the sun go down on your anger’. So we make up and get things straight before we go to bed. Sometimes, we don’t get a lot of sleep after making up”
Jung gasped, blushing furiously. “Justin! Stop it! You’re embarrassing me!”
Justin was smiling from ear to ear, a smile that Stacee could see was one of the reasons Jung loved him so. “No need to be embarrassed, Jung. You’re a very lucky woman, believe me”
“See, I told you honey!”
Jung rolled her eyes. “What…ever!”
“And you are very lucky to have Jung, Justin”
“Don’t I know it, Stacee. I feel like I’m the most blessed guy on Earth. I look forward to coming home every day, and she makes that possible. I’d do anything for that lady”
Stacee was watching Jung’s eyes. Her eyes told the story. Jung watched her husband with unfeigned respect and love.
“Does Justin run the show, Jung?”
“I don’t know what you mean. He’s the leader, I suppose, but I keep the books, pay the bills and basically run the house. He makes decisions based on the information I give him. I help him, he helps me”
“You don’t feel like he pushes you around?”
“Heavens no. He asks me if we can afford to do this or that. We’re partners. There’s no other way to say it”
Stacee noticed that Jung’s hand never left Justin’s. These two were almost ridiculously well matched. The therapist thought that she and her husband could take a lesson from these two in getting along. There seemed to be no outward indicators of any condition that would cause a boy to think he was a girl.
They continued for another thirty minutes, going over more details of their family life. It was a veritable Rockwell painting of a life. All of the factors were coalescing in her mind. Stacee had come to a decision.
“Justin, Jung. Based on what I have learned in my interviews with you and Kwan. My medical and professional opinion is that it would be in everyone’s best interest to allow Kwan to present as a female for now. He, rather, she, has indicated that she would like to be called Hyun Ae, the name you picked for a daughter, had she been born a girl. Do either of you disagree?”
“No” was the answer from both parents.
“This will be a difficult road for the three of you in the time to come. In some ways, it will be the most rewarding. Kwan isn’t dying. So don’t mourn. Kwan never really existed. It was always Hyun Ae. Do you understand that?”
Jung’s face was streaked with tears. “Did we do anything to cause this?”
“No. No you didn’t, and don’t ever think otherwise. Somehow, Hyun’s brain was wired ‘girl’. We don’t know how or why. By starting this process early, we can decipher if this is really a permanent condition or if it is just a phase. I don’t believe in phases”
Justin said quietly. “We’re following you, Stacee”
“Good. By starting this process early, Hyun will have a female puberty, and, based on her bone structure and heredity, she will be a very attractive girl, which will make her interactions with her peer group less stressful, as she will have been a girl for such a long time”
“How do we do this, Stacee? I don’t know if we can. It’s so much to take in”
“I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’ll also be documenting this process. You won’t owe me a dime, do you understand? When I publish this case, it will more than make up the investment”
“I know we’ve talked about this, but you won’t identify her, will you?”
“Of course not. These case studies are always anonymous unless you decide to allow her name to be used. This study will help countless other people in the same boat you’re in”
“That’s good. At least others will be helped”
“Hyun Ae will benefit the most. She will be the person she is meant to be. She can’t help it any more than you, Justin, could help doing what you did as a child. It was just natural behavior”
“I’m beginning to see. I guess I would have been miserable if I was forced to wear dresses and play with dolls”
Stacee clapped her hands with excitement. “Exactly! Right on the first try! You get it perfectly. Don’t lose that perspective. You were fortunate enough be born with the correct plumbing. Hyun wasn’t. Therein lies the problem. If Hyun Ae had been born with a vagina, this isn’t an issue. One genetic oops, and it is. Our minds are who we are. It’s the ghost in the machine, so to speak”
“I see!” said Jung. “We’ve been approaching this wrong”
“I try to avoid right and wrong judgments. We doctors in the mind business try to approach the mind with the thought we can fix everything. Hyun has a penis. Therefore he is a boy. Her mind says different? Too bad. I’m trying to change that. Hyun will help me do that”
Justin stood. “Okay, Doc. Let’s go get our little girl”
Stacee got on the intercom. “Shawn, bring little Hyun Ae to my office”
A moment later, Hyun Ae was escorted into the office by Shawn. She was carrying a juice box and a half eaten cookie. She got a big smile on her face when she saw her parents. “Mommy! I like this place! Miss Shawn gave me a cookie and juice!”
Jung held her hands out, and Hyun ran to her. Justin noticed she didn’t acknowledge him. He understood why now. Hopefully this would change things.
Jung noticed the slight as well. “That’s wonderful, honey. Don’t you want to thank daddy for bringing us here?”
“Thank you, daddy. It’s been fun”
Stacee smiled at Hyun. “So, Hyun Ae, do you like my office”
“Uh huh! You have nice toys and I love cookies and juice!”
“Well what would you say if I told you that you would be coming to see me once a week?”
“Really? That would be awesome!” She looked at her mother. “Can I, mommy?”
“You bet, Hyun Ae”
“Wait, mommy. You called me Hyun Ae? Why?”
“That’s your new name, honey. You see, we’ve been wrong about who you are, daddy and me. It seems you were right all along. You are a girl”
Hyun looked at her mother and father, trying to see if they were joking. She then burst into tears. This time they were tears of joy.
When Dr. Stacee Abney felt doubts about what she was doing in the future, she vowed to remember this moment. Then she reached for a tissue.
To be continued
Hyun Ae is out. Will she blossom or wither?
Chapter 4
No genetic girl ever took to shopping like Hyun. Her mother was blown away be her willingness to try on different outfits. Her intention was to start slowly, maybe dressing her at home, but Hyun was having none of it. The butterfly was out of the cocoon, and there was no stopping her.
“I just love this dress, mommy! It’s so pretty” She spun around in the red and black A line dress. It had a bow in back.
Jung had to admit it was adorable. She loved dressing up her dolls as a child, and this was just as much fun. “Okay, Hyun Ae. We’ll get it”
“Yay, mommy! Yessss! I can wear it to Hannah’s birthday party!”
“When is it, sweetie?”
“I dunno, mommy. Soon?”
‘Duh’ thought Jung. How would a four year old know when Hannah’s birthday was? “That’s all right, sweetie, I’ll talk to her mother”
“’kay. Are we gonna get a swimsuit for me? I need one. A Little Mermaid one. Please!”
This girl was wearing mommy out. “All right, but we still need some everyday wear. We’ll get to it” They had gone through the mall twice, and had spent well over five hundred dollars on new clothes. Jung was burning through their emergency fund quickly, but Justin told her that if they were going to do this, they would do it right.
They took a break from shopping to grab a bite to eat. Little Hyun was nibbling at her favorite chicken nugget meal, and playing with her new toy. Jung really looked at Hyun. She was a very pretty little girl. Jung could see a little of herself, and a little of Justin. She was actually a very pretty young girl.
“Mommy?” Hyun said between bites, “do you think Grammie and Grampa Brooks and Grammie and Gramps Song will be happy? When are we going to tell them?”
Jung winced inwardly. Her parents would be a pain, she was sure. Justin’s folks were a little more open minded, so she really didn’t think they would be too shocked.
“I’m sure everyone will love you, Hyun Ae. But we’re not due to see them for another couple of months, so let’s worry about that then. Now finish your lunch, sweetie, and we’ll get you a swimsuit on our next stop”
Hyun clapped her hands. “Yayyyy! Okay, Mommy!”
In truth, Jung was worried about everyone. She felt so conflicted. She wanted what was best for Hyun, but she knew that this would be a difficult time for her. She had taken time to look at some materials that Stacee had given her to read. Transgender kids were very rare and almost unheard of at Hyun’s age. Would she be the subject of ridicule? Hyun was so sweet and innocent. Would this scar her for life? Rejection by her grandparents would crush her, as she just loved them. She would draw for hours on end pictures for her Grandmother Song, who was an artist in her own right. Hyun, as Kwan, reveled in showing his pictures to her, and his Grammie would laugh with Kwan as he told the little stories that went along with the pictures. Jung was sure that Hyun would have a whole lot more for her this visit.
Jung and Hyun finished their shopping trip, and they had a whole new wardrobe for their new daughter. Little Hyun was a trooper all day, as good as gold. She started to yawn a little toward the end, and Jung knew she was finished.
Hyun was asleep shortly after they got into the car. She was in her booster seat, and didn’t make a sound all the way home.
After Jung pulled into the garage, she turned around and watched her sleeping child. Hyun was at that age when she still retained the features of a toddler when you looked at her just right. She was getting big, thought Jung. And too little to realize what she was getting into. Jung sighed and went to the back of their minivan to retrieve their haul for the day. There were seven large bags. Hyun could sleep a little longer.
Justin came home from his job as an engineer for an aerospace manufacturer at his usual six o’clock. “Hey babe! How was your day?” He threw his car keys on the counter and grabbed his wife in a friendly hug.
Jung smiled and met his hug, turning so she could kiss him. “Good! How was yours?”
“Same as always, I guess. Where’s our little girl?”
Hyun whirled around the corner from the hall leading to the kitchen. She was dressed in a new pink tee and a very obviously feminine pair of khaki shorts. “Daddy!” She ran and jumped into his arms.
Justin lifted her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, beautiful! I see mommy bought you some new clothes today!”
“I know, daddy! She got me a bunch of new clothes! They’re so pretty, so much nicer than my yucky boy clothes” She pulled the waistband of her shorts out. “Look, daddy, Panties!”
Justin laughed as he saw the waistband of the new feminine undergarment. “Pretty neat, kiddo!”
“Hyun Ae! Little girls do not show their panties!”
“Mommy, he’s just my daddy” She said it in such a matter of fact way that both her parents broke out laughing.
“Hyun, go wash up and you can help me set the table” said Jung.
“Okay, mommy. I have to go potty anyway” She sprinted off to her room.
“Little girls sit, Hyun Ae!” called Jung.
“I know, mommy! I never stand!” said the little voice echoing from the bathroom.
“Well, she seems to be happy today. How about you?” asked Justin.
Jung sighed and hung the dishtowel she was using up. “I’m good. It’s a breath of fresh air with Hyun out of her shell. She seems like someone who has just been rescued from drowning and find they have a new lease on life. I just don’t want her hurt. Other people scare me”
Justin hugged his wife. “Honey, I worry too. But this is a course that we all chose, and she’s going to have to deal with people her whole life. Give her a little credit. I know she’s just a baby, but I think she’s stronger than either one of us give her credit for”
“I wish I was as confident as you, Justin”
“I have to be. We made this decision, and we’re going to see it through. I took a half day from work today and went to the downtown library. I found a lot of stuff on this gender issue, and the statistics are scary. Suicide rates for people like Hyun are staggering. I’d rather have a live daughter than a dead son”
“So what do you propose to do about introducing our new daughter to the world?”
“Easy. We start small and work our way out. I’m talking to Dan and Jena Smith tonight”
“Hannah’s parents? Why?”
“They live next door and are our best friends. If they don’t get it, then we’ll know, but they need to know first, as Hannah will be playing with our son”
Jung rolled her eyes and sighed. “I suppose we need to get this over with”
Justin scowled. “Jung. You need to lose the attitude. Are you not on board with this?”
Jung was surprised at her husband’s change in tone. He was getting angry with her. “Well, of course I am. I just don’t want to see Hyun hurt”
“Hiding her isn’t the solution. We hit this head on, and introduce him just as we would have introduced Kwan. This is going to be difficult, and you’d better be able to handle the questions, because you’ll be answering a lot of them for the near future”
Jung’s eyes brimmed. “I’m sorry, Justin. I just don’t think I’m dealing with this as well as I could be”
“I gathered that. But we are doing this for Hyun Ae. I’d die for either you or that child. I’m proud of our child, boy or girl. I don’t know how to tell you to deal with this. If you need to talk to Stacee, that’s what she’s there for. But tonight, toughen up and deal with it. I know you’ve got it in you. They’ll be here at eight”
Jung gave him a weepy laugh and dabbed at her eyes. “I know, I know. It just takes me longer to process things than you”
“What’s process, mommy?” asked Hyun as she walked into the kitchen.
“It’s dealing with a pretty girl like you. Now start setting the table”
“Okay, mommy, I’ll process the table” Hyun giggled and got the plates.
The doorbell rang at eight. Jung was with Hyun in her room. They wanted to bring her out after Justin had a chance to explain what was happening.
Justin answered the door. “Hi Dan, Jena. Come in. Thanks for coming over. Hello, Hannah”
Dan shook Justin’s hand. Dan Smith was a software engineer, who, at thirty five was already the father of a fifteen year old, as well as Hannah, who was already five. Jena, his wife was slightly younger at 34. Dan and Justin had a lot in common as both were college athletes. Dan was a football walk on as a defensive back at USC. He had managed to get a couple of national championships while warming the bench for the most part.
“Where’s Clarissa?”
“Oh, she’s got a cheerleader meeting at one of the homes. You know how it goes”
“Well, not yet, anyway. Can I get you guys something to drink?”
Dan nodded his head. “Beer me, Justin”
“What about you, Jena?”
“White wine, if you have it?”
“Just busted open a bottle just tonight, Jena. I thought you might want some”
Jena looked around the room. “Where’s Jung?”
“Taking care of a few things. Hannah, do you want some juice?”
Hannah looked to her mother. “Is it okay, Mommy?”
“Sure sweetie. Just not too much”
“Where’s Kwan?”
“Around” said Justin as he poured the wine and grape juice. “That’s actually the reason I called you all over. Let’s go into the living room”
“What’s the matter, Justin?” Asked Jena, looking concerned.
“You guys have been our best friends in the five or so years we’ve lived here. There have been some changes in the last few days, and I wanted you to be the first to know”
Dan took a pull off of his Bud. “What’s up Justin? Is everyone okay?”
“Yes, but Kwan has had some issues. They are serious enough that we’ve had to take some action”
“Out with it, buddy. We’ll support you. Is it a complication of the brain injury?”
“No, thank god. We found out some things during the time in the hospital. Kwan’s been dealing with some issues for some time now, and we just found out that, based on medical opinion, Kwan is transgendered. A girl trapped in a boy’s body” He paused “Jung? Bring in Hyun”
Jung walked in with Hyun. She was in her pink tee and khaki shorts. She looked very feminine. “Dan, Jena and Hannah, this is our daughter Hyun Ae”
Hannah gasped, “Kwan? Is that you?”
Hyun just nodded shyly.
Hannah squealed with joy. “Kwan! You’re a girl now! You got your wish!” She ran over to hug Hyun. “You’re so pretty!”
Hyun bounced up and down. “Aren’t my new clothes pretty! The doctor said I was a girl and I had to wear girl clothes. And my new name is Hyun Ae. It’s a girl’s name in Korean” She invited Hannah to go to her room and they happily skipped off.
Jena smiled at Jung. “She looks adorable! You should have seen her playing dress up with Hannah. She seemed a little too at home in those costumes! I can’t believe it”
Jung looked at Jena in amazement. “You knew?”
“I didn’t know. Who can know with little kids? I was just glad Hannah had someone to play her silly games with. I was with them the whole time. It was pretty harmless. But seeing her here, now? She’s always been a girl”
“And you don’t care?”
“Heavens no, Jung. This is California, for Pete’s sake. I volunteer with a group that counsels at risk children, remember? I’ve dealt with kids in this same situation, only they didn’t have great parents like you who understood. One of the kids I was helping was murdered two months ago” she said as her voice began to break. “I’m sorry. It’s just that Jasmine, that’s what she liked to be called, was so sweet. Her parents rejected her, and she lived on the street. She turned tricks to earn money for hormones. One of her ‘Johns’ found out she wasn’t a full girl, and beat her to death”
Tears were tracing down Jung’s face. “Oh my God. How terrible”
“She told me that she knew she was a girl from the age of three. Her parents wouldn’t accept it. The conflict grew and grew until Jasmine ran away at fifteen. She was so pretty. You may not know it now, but you could have saved your daughter from a similar fate”
Jung was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Justin and Dan were silent. Jena’s point was not lost on them.
“C’mon, Jung! Show me her new wardrobe. I’m sure the boys would like to talk for awhile”
Jung brightened. “Yes! I got some absolutely adorable clothes today. Hyun will look so cute”
The two women were talking to each other as they went down the hall.
“Damn, Justo man. You don’t do little changes, do ya. I need another beer. Cute kid you got there. She and Hannah are going to give us no end of trouble”
“I hear you, bro. Two more comin’ up”
“So you don’t have a problem with this?”
“After the story I just heard? Are you nuts? You gotta do what’s right for the kid. We’re there for you, Justo man. Clarissa will be crazy because she wasn’t here for the big reveal!”
Justin thought he was very fortunate to have friends like the Smith’s. It gave him hope for the parents.
Chapter 5
“Mom? How are you doing?”
“Justin! Well, this certainly is a surprise. What do I owe the honor of a call? It’s usually Jung calling, since you are usually too busy to call your poor mother”
“All right, Mom. I get it. I don’t call enough. It’s not like you don’t hear from somebody here on a regular basis. Besides, I hate chit chat on the phone”
“I know. So, what’s wrong?”
“Well, nothing’s wrong, exactly. I just want to fill you in on some things. Some things have come up with Kwan”
“Kwan? Is there a problem with his brain? A side effect of his injury?”
“No, Mom, nothing like that. I need to clue you in on a few things, and I need your advice, I guess”
“Well, I’ll do what I can. Let’s have the story”
“I know you have said some things about Kwan in the past. You know, how he doesn’t act like the other boys his age, or like I did at that age”
“You mean how he plays like a girl?”
“Yes. Well, I don’t think I told you everything about the events leading up to his injury”
Justin told his mother everything that had transpired up to the point where Kwan had to go to the hospital.
“Oh. Lord. That poor child. So you took him to a psychiatrist, hopefully”
“Yes, and we were quite shocked by what she had to say. She’s one of the nation’s leading experts in gender issues. She had a long talk with Kwan and then with Jung and myself. Long story short, she feels that Kwan is transgendered. In effect, a girl trapped in a male body”
“What in the world are you talking about, Justin? Are you saying that Kwan is gay?”
“Not at all, mom. She’s not even old enough to know what that is, for crying out loud. Her mind is female. I’ve done my homework over the past few days, and have gotten a second opinion. The second doctor concurs. It is one of the earliest onset cases of Gender Dysphoria they have records of”
“Justin, I’m not following you”
“Mom, we are now raising Kwan as a girl. Her new name is Hyun Ae. It’s a Korean female name, the name she would have been born with”
“Justin. Have you and Jung lost your minds? He’s too young to know what he wants. This is insanity. Are you dressing him like a girl?”
“She is a girl, Mom. And we are dressing her appropriately”
“What in the world are you thinking? Kwan just needs a firm hand. You need to toughen him up a little, that’s all. He can never be a girl, not really. It’s more than just clothes you know”
Justin was surprised at his mother’s reaction, but held his temper. “Mom, you don’t think we know that? Kwan was a withdrawn, unhappy child. Since the change, Hyun Ae is an outgoing, happy child. This isn’t something we are doing just as a whim. We are doing it on medical advice”
“Justin, I’m not happy about this. What will everyone say? What will our friends say? They all know we have a grandson, not some kind of freak”
Justin was ready to explode. “All, right Mom. That’s enough. I had hoped you would understand. You’ve always been understanding of different people, and you taught me to do the same. Don’t you understand Kwan’s very life is at stake?”
“He’s my grandson, Justin. Of course I want what’s best for him. I just don’t think turning him into some kind of drag queen is going to solve anything. Have you even considered what his friends will say, the kind of teasing and bullying he’ll suffer?”
“Do you think I’m a moron, Mom? I’m almost thirty, and am fully capable of running my own home. Can’t you trust my judgment? Or is that too much to ask”
“I question the judgment of anyone who allows a boy to go around dressed as a girl. Only perverts do that”
Justin pulled the phone away from his mouth and covered the mouthpiece. “You stupid fucking BITCH!” It was what he wanted to tell her, she was his mother, after all. He put the phone back up to his mouth. “Mom, this isn’t a subject for debate. This is my family, and Jung and I make the decisions. We almost lost Hyun over a stupid argument. You don’t get over this, Mom! Hyun was dying in front of us. I see that now. I live with her every day, and the change has been astonishing. I know we made the right decision”
“Well, I disagree. I know your father will too. Son, don’t make us do something drastic. I won’t let you harm our grandson”
“The hell you say. Well, what would you know about Hyun’s mental health, huh? I mean, you see her like what, three times a year? How often do you get to the golf course in a year’s time?”
“Justin! I’ll not have you talking to me like that. If I have to get the authorities involved, I will!”
“Just try it, mom. Try it and I’ll see to it that you never see Hyun again. You arrogant…Look. I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m doing this on medical advice. If you want to waste money on a lawyer and try split this family up, then have the fuck at it. But consider me dead to you. I don’t need your damn money, and I don’t need you”
“JUSTIN, I….”
Justin slammed the phone down. He was so angry he couldn’t see straight. He heard a small cough. He turned around and saw Hyun. She had heard the worst of the conversation.
“Daddy? Are you mad? You’re using mad words. Mommy said you shouldn’t use mad words”
Justin was stuck to the core by Hyun’s words. “Come here, baby girl. Sit on daddy’s lap”
Hyun padded over to her father. Justin picked up his small child and sat her in his lap. “Hyun, I’m sorry you had to hear that. You’re right, Daddy shouldn’t use mad words. Grammie said some mean things to daddy, and I got mad. Sometimes that happens. Understand?”
“Yes, Daddy. Was Grammie mad at you?”
“Yes, honey. She doesn’t like you being Hyun. She said a lot of mean things, and I guess I said some mean things back”
Hyun frowned. “Is Grammie mad at me?”
“No, honey. She just doesn’t understand” Then he had an idea. “Hyun, could you do something for me?”
“What’s that, daddy? Will it make you happy again?”
“You bet. I’d like you to draw as many pictures as you can about how you felt before you were Hyun, and how you felt after becoming Hyun. Just as many as you can”
“Draw?” She smiled. “I can do that! I love to draw. Can I get new colors too?”
Justin hugged Hyun. You bet, sweetie! I’ll go to the store and get them now! You go and get started”
Hyun jumped down and ran off to her room to start. He heard her squealing to her mother that she was going to get new colors. Jung came into the kitchen shortly afterwards.
“So, Mom wasn’t too happy?”
“Nope. I thought I knew them. They are so narrow minded it’s almost painful. She’s even talking about trying to take Hyun away from us”
“What? What in the hell is she thinking?” Justin knew Jung was mad. She never cursed. “If that bitch tries that, I’ll, I’ll…well, I know she’s your mother and all, but…”
The phone rang. “I know who that is, Jung. I’ll get it”
“Hello?”
“Justin. This is dad. Your mother just got off the phone with me, practically incoherent. What in the hell pissed her off? She said something about Kwan being a girl?”
Justin sighed. “Dad, here’s the story. And when I get done, understand that the decision has been made. If you want to blame someone, blame me. I can take it. Also know that I’m not changing my mind”
Justin went on to explain the situation. When he finished, there was silence on the other end”
“Justin, are you sure you want to go down this road?”
“Dad, I haven’t done this without thinking, so be careful what you say next” Justin warned. He wasn’t intimidated by his father, a man who was used to getting his way.
“I agree with your mother on this one, son. The boy is too young to be making this decision. You’ll scar him for life”
“Dad, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Mom. In your three visits a year, what do you think qualifies you to make any decision whatsoever about the well being of my child?”
“He’s a BOY, dammit!”
“Well, a lot of professionals disagree, dad. So does your granddaughter”
“Son. Think about this. We won’t have you messing with our grandson”
“Oh, you won’t, huh?”
“No. Now, I order you to stop this nonsense immediately, and I want you to call your mother to apologize”
“Or what, Dad?”
“Or you’re out. Disowned, and we start legal proceedings to take Kwan”
“Do you really think I give a shit about your money? Debbie and Anne can have my share. Dad, you’re pissing with my family. Go down this road, and a lot of people will get hurt. Especially your granddaughter. Your Grand DAUGHTER. Got it?”
“Boy, do not try to mess with me. I made you. I…”
“You screwed mom and I came out nine months later. I did the rest. I worked on my own to get better at baseball. You were at the plant. I did my homework. You were on the golf course. I taught myself to play every sport I excelled at, and I got my scholarship on my own. You did nothing. You fed me and housed me. I’m not paying you back for that. Tough. You may be mister high powered business man, but to me, you’re a substandard father. It just took me till now to realize it. You narrow minded bastard!”
“Justin!”
“Justin nothing. Write me out of the fucking will today, dad. If you died tomorrow, I’d just give it to charity. I don’t want your money, got it?”
“Now just a damn minute!”
“Hell no. You wanted a fight, well you’ve got it. Get your damn lawyer. I’m sure there are a hundred top attorneys just chompin’ at the bit to take my case pro bono. You want to make this a media circus? Bring it on!”
Justin’s father hung up the phone. Nobody talks to James Brooks like that. He’d teach his arrogant little son the price of messing with him. That little pansy Kwan would learn to be a man if it killed him. He thought about Jung. Nice girl, cute, but a little slant eyed bitch. He probably met her at a massage parlor after she gave him a “happy ending”. He never liked her. She was probably the reason he was a little fag. And that stupid fucking name. That would change too. Brooks punched his intercom. “Beth? Get me Harry Dumas on the phone”
“Justin! I can’t believe you talked to your father like that. You are not honoring him!”
“Jung, you know I have the utmost respect for your culture. In this case, if dad had been within arm’s of me, he would have found out just how much working out every day pays off. He wants war, and I’m gonna give it to him. Now stand back, I’m calling your folks, and God help them if they want to screw with me too”
“Honey! Please don’t yell at Father. He thinks so highly of you.”
“Then he’ll know when to back off, Jung. I’m not going to start anything. I’ll explain the situation, and if Mom and Dad want to get stupid, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”
“Please be respectful, Justin. Please!”
“Don’t worry, Jung”
Justin dialed Jung’s parents. Her father answered the phone.
“Dad? This is Justin. We need to talk”
Justin explained the situation to Jung’s father. As Justin expected, there was silence on the other end.
“I know this is a lot to take in, Dad, but I’m already dealing with my parents, and I don’t want you to add to the confusion. Can we count on your support?”
Mr. Song replied with a measured tone, with his noticeable Korean accent. “Justin. This is very, sudden. Have you considered this?”
“Very much so, jangin eoreun” It was the Korean word for father in law. “I ask that you respect my decision in this matter. It is final, and has not been made in haste”
“I see. May I speak to Jung, please?”
“Yeoboseyo, Appa?” (Hello, Daddy?)
Jung spoke Korean with her father as a sign of respect for the culture. Justin saw her as she talked. She was calm, nodding, then speaking. She started crying, then said, “Kamsahamnida, Appa. Bye” She handed the phone to Justin.
“Hello?”
“Justin, I do not pretend to understand what this is. I believe God makes us who we are, and He makes no mistake. But I speak to Jung, and she believe in you, so I believe you have best interest of family in your heart. So, when can we see Hyun Ae?”
Justin smiled and choked up. “You have no idea what this means, Dad. You can come anytime you want. Would you and Mom like to speak to Hyun Ae?”
“That would be very good”
Jung called for Hyun, who, as usual had one speed, full. She handed the phone to Hyun.
Hyun was conversant in Korean, and had no trouble talking to her Grandfather.
“Hi, gramps!”
“Hello, Hyun Ae. Are you happy like this?”
“Yes, very much! I hated being a boy. It’s okay if you are one, but I’m not. My doctor says so. Mommy bought me new clothes and they are so beautiful. I’m drawing you and grammie lots of pictures. Can you come soon? I miss you so much!”
“Yes Hyun Ae. Grandmother and I are coming soon. We would like very much to talk to you. Here is your Grandmother”
“Hello, Hyun Ae!”
“Hello, Grammie! Are you okay? I am. I’m a girl now! I’m so happy. We can bake cookies when you come. Are you bringing kimchee?”
“Yes, sweetheart. You know your daddy doesn’t like kimchee”
“That’s okay. Grammie, I’ll eat his!”
“Okay honey. Your grammie loves you no matter what, okay?”
“I know grammie. You’ll love me more now. You can show me how to be a good Korean girl!”
Mrs. Song giggled. “Yes, Hyun. You have much to learn”
Chapter 6
Hyun Ae was a ball of energy. She didn’t need sugar to fuel her hyperactivity. The prospect of her grandparents coming to see her was all the motivation she needed.
“Mommy! I’ve finished cleaning my room! Come look!”
“Is it mommy clean or Hyun Ae clean?”
Hyun giggled. “Mommy clean!”
“Okay, sweetie. Let me finish here in the kitchen, and I’ll come and check it out. Why don’t you come in here and help me unload the dishwasher”
“Coming, Mommy”
Hyun entered the kitchen at a dead run.
“Hyun Ae!” scolded her mother playfully. “Young ladies do not run everywhere they go”
“Sorry, Mommy. I’m just so excited to see Grammie and Gramps!”
“I know, honey. Just save some of that energy for them, all right?”
Jung kept an immaculate house. What passed for clean for most people was dirty to Jung. She was a homemaker, and a very good one. It was her passion. Her mother was the same way, and it carried down. Jung was a straight A student in school, and could have had her choice of careers, but she chose the simple life of a housewife and had never looked back. Hyun Ae was already developing the same traits. She loved helping her mother clean house and work in the garden.
Jung was teaching her little girl the intricacies of Korean cuisine, just as her mother had taught her. She was an eager student, and remarkable patient for a child of five. School would be starting for Hyun Ae in September, and that was less than ten months away. Jung would miss her little helper. She was growing to really appreciate the change in Hyun’s behavior. She really was a girl, in more ways than one.
Christmas was in Three days, and Jung’s folks would be staying until after New Year’s Day. Jung would be on pins and needles until she could gauge her parent’s reactions in person.
Justin was gone for the day. He had taken a couple of personal days from work. Stacee had given hi a contact to a lawyer, Kaitlin Allegri, who was sympathetic to the transgender cause. He had an appointment to discuss the situation with her.
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Ms. Allegri”
“Kate, please. I got the basics from Stacee, and I am more than willing to take this case on a pro bono basis”
“I can afford to pay you, Kate”
“Maybe so, but I want to do this. People like your daughter have had to suffer discrimination for years, and it’s time we put it to a stop. Why don’t you give me your story?”
Justin gave Kate the full story. He had photos and videos of Hyun Ae from before and after the change. The boy of the past, while not overtly depressed was no comparison to the vivacious girl who appeared afterward.
“Justin, I have to say that I’m impressed with your little girl. It makes me look forward to actually meeting her”
“Thank you, Kate. I know she’ll love you”
Kate smiled. “I’m going to enjoy lighting up your parent’s team, Justin. I know they are your folks, but in this case, you have to put that aside. They chose this path, and we have to cut their heads off, so to speak. We’re fighting for Hyun’s life here. You made a responsible decision, based on a lot of thought and top notch medical advice. Some studies suggest that upwards of fifty percent of people like your daughter will attempt suicide. That is criminal. And it’s because they don’t get the support and encouragement they need. People shun them and wonder what’s ‘wrong’ with them. My uncle was one of those people, hounded until he couldn’t take it anymore. He was born as my aunt. We need to show that, and how well adjusted your daughter is now”
Justin nodded in agreement. “I’m glad you see it that way, Kate”
“In a perfect world this wouldn’t get a second look. However, I think it’s highly likely that this will see court. And when it does, the media will be all over it. They love a story like this. Are you ready for the attention this is sure to bring?”
“Yes. Media scrutiny in this case is a sword that cuts both ways. It will show my parents in the harsh light of reality, when they are shown bullying my little girl. I don’t want to make this a cause celebre, but if they want a fight, they’ll find me more than up to the task”
“Good. That will make my job that much easier. I’m good at what I do, Justin. And I play to win. Hopefully, you will be able to salvage a relationship with your parents after I beat them into submission”
Justin shrugged. “I hope so too. But if not, we’ll survive. They’ll be the losers” Justin thought of his idea. “Oh, and one more thing. Our little girl is quite the artist. I’m having her draw her feelings about how she felt before and after her change. She’s already got quite a portfolio, and I have several drawing from before this was an open issue”
“Good! This will give our doctors something to analyze. You do know that they’ll want to have someone interview her too. Probably some quack who thinks it’s a mortal sin for someone to live their life comfortable in their own skin. I think I know who they’ll use. I’ll be ready for him”
“All right, Justin. Let me get started on this, and I’ll be in touch’
“Great. Thank you very much”
Mr. and Mrs. Song arrived on Christmas Eve. They hadn’t spent a Christmas with Jung since she and Justin had married. Mr. Song was very fond of Justin. He embraced Jung’s culture without question, and had made a real effort to become a part of the family. Jung was an only child and was the apple of her father’s eye. Marrying an Anglo was not something Mr. Song had envisioned for his daughter, but Justin was very good man who lived for his family. This new development was a concern. Mr. Song was against it, for his own reasons, but Jung had explained it to him, and he was willing to listen and observe. That was his way. He was a man of few words, and he had escaped the north for that very reason.
Mrs. Song was really not that old. She was almost sixteen years younger than her husband, not yet forty five years old. She was from Seoul originally, and was a runner up in the Miss Korea pageant in 1968. She was still stunningly beautiful, and was totally devoted to her husband. She had a career early, but abandoned it willingly when she had Jung. They had expected a boy, but Mrs. Song was thrilled with Jung. The fact that Jung was a fairly androgynous name was a result of that confusion. She was looking forward to meeting her new granddaughter.
As Mr. and Mrs. Song were pulling into the driveway. It was only about six hours to LA, so they decided against flying. It would be easier on Jung, who really didn’t like driving in LA traffic.
Hyun had seen the car pull into the driveway and recognized her grandparents. “Mommy! Grammie and Gramps are here!”
She burst out of the front door as Mr. Song was exiting the vehicle. “Halmuni! Halabuji! I’m so happy you are here!” She spoke in Korean, which always made her grandparents smile.
Mr. Song was taken aback by the long haired girl in the denim skirt and pink top who came rushing to him with arms open wide. She was the image of her mother at that age.
“Hyun Ae? Is that you?”
“Yes, Grandfather” She bowed. “I am Hyun Ae”
Mr. Song returned the bow. “Well, come here, jakeun sonyu(little girl)! Give your grandfather a hug!”
She hugged her grandfather with her whole body. Mr. Song had never seen Kwan this happy. She gave her grandmother an equally intense hug. “I’m so happy you are going to be here for Christmas. I know you like to go to Korea, so this is special!”
Mrs. Song kneeled and kissed Hyun. “Well, Hyun Ae. You are a special girl from what I hear. This will be your first Christmas as a girl, won’t it?”
Jung came out of the house. “Mom! Dad! Hi! Thanks for coming!” She rushed to her father and gave him a hug, and did the same to her mother. “So, lets get you unpacked”
“Where’s Justin?” asked Mr. Song.
Jung sighed. “At the attorney’s office, I think. He had an appointment for this afternoon, among other things”
“So his parents are going ahead with this court nonsense?” asked Mrs. Song.
“I’m afraid so, Mom. They have been so hateful since Justin called them. I wish he hadn’t lost his temper with them”
“Justin’s parents need to learn the old Korean proverb. “An empty cart rattles the loudest”
“What does that mean, Dad?”
“He who talks most, knows least. They speak and act before they know. Dangerous combination”
“Hyun, take grammie’s little bag into the guest room, okay?”
“’Kay Mommy” She skipped into the house.
“I’m worried, daddy. She is so innocent. I’m afraid for her”
“She is young and pure in heart. All this must end sooner or later, the good will either remain or it won’t. This depends on you. You know this, Jung”
“I know, daddy. Tears brimmed in her eyes. I just hate that Justin’s parents are so narrow minded. They are helping to hurt my baby. I expect that from strangers, but her own grandparents?”
“They will reap what they sow now, Jung. They have known nothing but privilege. To be thwarted is something they don’t know. This will be a good lesson for them”
“I hope so. I just wish Justin would get home. I’m dying to find out what is happening”
Mrs. Song hugged her daughter “You’ll know soon enough, dear. This will all work out. You’ve chosen a difficult path, but I think you chose the lesser of two difficult paths”
“Thanks, Mom. Let’s get you inside, and we can have some tea”
Justin arrived home and filled everyone in on the developments of the day. “…So it seems we have a strong case, and Kate is very confident of a win. I hate that it has come to this, but Mom and Dad chose this”
“When do you think it will come to a trial?” asked Jung.
“If it does, and that’s a big if right now, it won’t be until February or later. The wheels of justice grind slowly”
Mr. Song spoke quietly. “Let’s not speak of this anymore. What will happen has already been determined. It is for us to see what that outcome is. We should just enjoy the season, and not let bad thoughts ruin it”
“Agreed. Jung, what’s for supper?”
“Mom’s kimchee for one. Hyun Ae asked for it”
Justin’s countenance dropped. “Oh, wonderful”
Mr. and Mrs. Song laughed. “You’ll never be a true son of mine until you learn to like our national dish. We eat it almost every day”
“Well Dad, It’s not like I haven’t tried to like it, and it’s quite apparent that that particular dish is responsible for growing beautiful women, but I just don’t get it”
Jung playfully punched Justin’s arm. “Listen, big boy, if I didn’t love you so much, you’d get it every day. What a sissy!”
Hyun heard the word kimchee from her room. “Yay! Kimchee!”
Justin looked at Jung. “I guess old ‘dog ears’ in there heard what she wanted to hear”
They ate and enjoyed the Korean meal of kimchee, oritang (duck stew), and spicy bibimbap, a rice dish with egg, beef, spinach, zucchini, and cucumber.
There was plenty, and even Justin had his fill, and true to his word, he had none of the kimchee, giving his portion to Hyun.
After the meal was cleaned up, Justin and Mr. Song retreated to the back porch to enjoy a beer. The women went to the living room to chat, Hyun right along with them.
“You know, Jung, it might be time to get little Hyun her first chima jeogori. She would look so cute. She’s still so tiny, she’d look like a doll”
A chima jeogori a skirt and blouse combination that Korean women wear. Some look at it as the national dress of Korea.
Hyun looked at her mother with amazement. “Really? I ‘d love that, Mommy!”
Jung winked at her mother, “Well, I don’t know mom…It’s awfully girly. I know she doesn’t like to look too sweet”
“MOMMY! I am a girl! Pleeeease! I was looking at one in my book. They’re what we girls wear”
Jung could hold her laughter back no longer. “Okay, honey, you win! We’ll make you one. My mommy made my first one, and I’ll make yours”
Mrs. Song was pleased. “I can see my sewing lessons weren’t in vain”
“Are you kidding? You’ve seen my sewing room?”
“I know sweetie, it’s just nice our little tradition is continuing”
Hyun snuggled up to her grandmother, reading an American Girl magazine. More accurately she was looking at the pictures.
“What do you think about this whole thing, Mom?”
“If Hyun is happy, then so am I. I’ve got to admit she is taking to this with a lot of enthusiasm” She was stroking Hyun’s long black hair. Hyun’s eyes were starting to droop. “I just want you to train her on all aspects of being a female. It’s not all clothes and pretty things”
“She knows, Mom. That’s why I know this is right. She isn’t wrapped up in clothes, and acting all girly. It’s who she is. I’m not very good at explaining myself. It’s just right. I’m just glad we discovered this now”
“Well you take care of her, my girl. Remember your lessons, and pass them on!”
The doorbell rang, and Jung rose to answer it. A man in a cheap suit was at the door, and handed Jung an envelope. “You’ve been served. Merry Christmas!”
Jung looked strangely at the man, and closed the door. “Justin! Come here!”
Justin and her father came into the front room. Jung handed him the envelope. Justin opened it and quickly read it. “Dammit!” he said through clenched teeth. “Mom and Dad are accusing us of child abuse!”
Chapter 7
“What are we going to do about this, Kate?” asked Justin. There was more than a small edge to his voice.
“Take it easy, Justin. I fully expected them to try something like this. I’m ready for it. Fax all of the documents to my office for me to review, and we’ll be ready for them in court”
“Are you sure this will be okay?”
“Positive. Their timing couldn’t have been worse for their cause. Jung’s parents are sympathetic to your cause, right?”
“Well, yes, up to a point. Her dad still doesn’t agree with what we are doing, but me maintains it’s our right to do it. And he has noticed a big difference in Hyun, behavior”
“Good! That’s even better. Do you think they will be willing to speak in open court?”
“I suppose so, why?”
“They are going to be a huge influence on any judge hearing the case”
Justin sighed loudly. “Maybe, but I hate to get them involved”
“Play to win, remember? Get those documents over to me ASAP, and leave the worrying to me”
Jung was in the kitchen preparing lunch. Justin entered the kitchen and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade he always kept handy. He loved his lemonade.
“So what did Kate say?” She asked.
“She’s got it under control. I need to fax her the documents now and she’ll get to work on it”
“I can’t believe that they would do this just before Christmas. Don’t they care about Hyun?”
“Obviously they don’t. This has become a challenge to dad’s authority, and he’s going to play it out all the way”
The doorbell rang. Justin looked at his watch. “I wonder who that could be. It’s only 11:00 in the morning”
“I’ll get it, honey” Jung said as she washed her hands.
Jung answered the door, and there was Lorraine Ringdahl. “Well hello, Mrs. Brooks!” she said with a smile. “I see you took my advice”
“Ms. Ringdahl! Come in, please! What brings you here so close to Christmas?”
“Well, let’s see” She pulled out a paper from her portfolio. “It says here I have to investigate a child abuse claim for someone at this address” A family named Brooks. She smiled.
Jung gasped. “You got the case again? You must think we are horrible people”
“Quite the contrary, Mrs. Brooks. I got the case because I handled the first one. They figured I had and insight into the case. Amazing. The bureaucrats actually got one right”
“You know this charge is bogus, don’t you?” asked Justin, leaning against the door frame to the kitchen.
“Yes, Mr. Brooks, I do”
“Justin! This is Ms. Ringdahl, the investigator I met when Hyun was in the hospital.
Justin nodded and offered his hand. “Pleased to meet you. You’ve had quite an impact on our family already, Ms. Ringdahl”
“All of it positive, I hope”
Justin smiled. “I think so. Hyun Ae?”
“Yes Daddy?” she answered from her room.
“Come here, there’s someone I’d like you to meet”
Hyun ran into the front room to her father. She had her hair in a French braid and was wearing a denim skirt and a red short sleeved top. She looked at Lorraine shyly and gave her a finger wave. “Hi”
“Well, hello! You’re a very pretty girl, do you know that?”
Hyun smiled. “Thank you! You’re pretty too!”
“Why you’re so sweet to say that. I’m Lorraine, a friend of your Mommy and Daddy. Who did your hair?”
“Mommy. She’s good at braiding. She’s teaching me how to do it”
“It’s cute” She sat down on a chair and motioned Hyun to come closer. Hyun complied.
“Tell me. Are you happy now?”
“Yes! I get to be a girl! My doctor says so”
“And mommy and daddy. Are they mean to you?”
Hyun frowned. “No! They are the bestest Mommy and Daddy ever!”
Lorraine smiled. “That’s what I thought” She stage whispered to Hyun. “I like them too”
Hyun giggled.
“Hyun, go back to your room and play. We need to finish talking to Lorraine”
“Okay, Daddy” was the reply as she sprinted back to her room.
Lorraine stood and smoothed her skirt. “Well. I think that closes this investigation. No evidence of child abuse here”
Justin was a bit surprised. “That’s all?”
“That’s it, Mr. Brooks. Investigation closed”
“Wow, I thought there would be more to it than that. I guess I don’t know too much about procedure”
“I hope you never do. I’m the one who suggested that you get Hyun evaluated, so I kind of feel responsible for you. Oh, and you will forget who suggested this, won’t you?”
Justin got a wry smile. “Suggested what?”
“Exactly. I’m gong to get myself assigned to your case permanently. I’ll say further evaluation is warranted but that no abuse is taking place. There are some in my department who would love to pull Hyun out of here because of what you’re doing. This marks the case as mine, so that won’t happen”
Jung hugged Lorraine. “Thank you Ms. Ringdahl. You’ve been a Godsend”
Returning the hug, Lorraine looked Jung in the eye. “You’re doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone else tell you different”
“We won’t” Jung said through tears.
“Mr. Brooks? It was a pleasure to meet you, and I want you to know that I have a great deal of respect for you. It takes a real man to do what you are doing”
Justin smiled and took her hand. “Thank you”
Lorraine picked up her briefcase and placed the paperwork in it. I’ll fill this out later. Take care, and have a Merry Christmas”
Justin and Jung felt that this was a sign they were doing the right thing for Hyun.
Christmas day was a quiet time for the family. Hyun got most of what she wanted, which included money from her grandparents. The men relaxed, watching football and basketball. Jung and her mother began to measure Hyun for her new chima jeogori. Hyun fit right in with the women, not once wondering what was going on the television. Relationships were obviously very important to Hyun.
Justin’s parents, by contrast, were in the midst of planning for the upcoming court battle.
“I don’t know Jim. Are you really so sure we should interfere with Justin’s family like this? I mean, it is their child after all”
“Bullshit, Patricia! That ungrateful bastard turned his back on us and everything we stand for. I’m going to make him pay for that. He was set to receive five million out of the trust, but apparently that wasn’t enough. Deborah and Anne will get his share. Win or lose this, he’s out. Do you hear me? OUT!”
“Well at least Anne has her sons. And I’m sure Deborah will be getting married soon. I called them this morning and told them about what was happening. Anne and Deborah were shocked. Anne will have nothing to do with him from now on”
Jim slammed down his scotch. “At least our girls are showing some sense.
“Yes, but I was counting on Justin to carry on the name. I’ll make him pay. That little slant eyed bitch he is married to is probably the reason he’s lost his balls”
Patricia was shocked “Jim! Jung has never been anything but respectful to us. She’s a sweet girl!”
“She knows her place, and that’s all. I never should have allowed them to marry” sneered Jim.
Patricia sipped her wine. “Jim, I am surprised at your attitude”
“Do you want our grandson raised as a girl? Some half and half freak?”
“Well, no. It’s not natural”
“Then let me handle it and shut the fuck up” He poured another Scotch.
The day after Christmas, the doorbell rang. Justin answered it. Standing there was his little sister, Debbie. She was a tall, black haired girl, twenty one years old and reminiscent of a young Andie McDowell.
“Hi big bro!” She jumped into his arms. She was wearing motorcycle leathers, and her Harley Davidson Electra Glide was parked in the drive. Her father hated her riding the bike, and had expressly forbidden her to ride it.
He gave his sister a hug. “Hey sis! Come on in!” He looked at the bike and smiled. “Still listening to dad, I see”
She shook her long raven hair out. “Fuck him! At least when he can’t hear or see me” she giggled. “I have a trust fund to collect at twenty five!”
“Aren’t you worried he’ll find out?”
“Hell, no! Not unless I cut donuts riding naked on the eighteenth green of the Asshole Oaks Country Club. He might notice me then”
Justin had to laugh. Debbie was the most down to earth girl he knew, a free spirit for whom conformity was a foreign concept. Except when it came to her father. She wanted the trust fund she had coming to her, and she was very good at buffaloing the parents.
She was in her final year at USC, and her class schedule was light so she had plenty of spare time, usually spent at the beach, surfing.
Hyun heard the commotion and ran out to see who was there. She was still in her Winnie the Pooh nightie, and her hair was still braided from the night before. “Auntie Debbie! Hi! Lookit me! I’m a girl” She jumped into the waiting arms of her aunt.
“Hi Pumpkin! Well, I don’t think I know you. There used to be a yucky boy here named Kwan. He was okay I guess, but he wasn’t a girl!” She started to tickle Hyun’s ribs.
Hyun giggled, and then squealed from the tickle assault. “Auntie, I was Kwan!”
“Oh, no you weren’t! Kwan was yucky, you’re pretty!” She continued her tickle assault.
“Auntie, no! I’ll potty my pants!” she was screeching with laughter.
“Okay, little girl. I didn’t catch your name”
“Hyun Ae Brooks. My doctor says I have to be a girl! I’m so happy!”
“She says that to everyone she meets, Deb. ‘Her doctor told her’ She’s very proud of that apparently”
“Well, I would be proud of that too, big bro. We girls need all the help we can get!” She winked at Hyun.
“See Daddy! Auntie Deb thinks I’m pretty!”
Justin smiled “I know, Hyun. You’re getting a big head. Go tell mommy Auntie Deb is here”
“Okay Daddy!” She sprinted off.
Justin turned back to Deb. “I’m guessing you already knew what was going on”
“Yeah, Mom called me and told me about it. I think it’s great. I always though Kwan might be Trans”
“What? And you didn’t tell us?”
Deb snorted. “Yeah, right" Hey bro, I think your little boy, you know, the apple of your eye, the heir apparent? Yeah, he’s a girl in a boy’s body. Good luck with that’ are you nuts?”
“Okay, I get it. You just say uncomfortable stuff like that to other people, right?”
Deb grinned. “Something like that”
“So what do you think?”
“I’m not going to lie to you bro. Not any more. I’m a lesbian. I guess I always have been. Kylie, my girlfriend, has been with me for over a year now. If dad were to find out, I’d be cut off in a heartbeat. I won’t be able to give th…the open support I’d like to, but I’m behind you. I’ve got three million coming to me at twenty five, and I’m going to kiss his ass until then” She blushed. “I’m sorry, bro. I feel like such a Judas. Your little girl is such a gem”
“I understand, Deb. I really do. Just coming over here is enough for me”
Kwan entered in her robe, with her hair in a towel. “I agree, Debbie. It means a lot that you came now” she gestured to herself. “Sorry for coming out here like this, but you caught me in the shower”
“If it’s any consolation, I’m really going to stick it to the old man on my twenty fifth” she got and evil grin on her face. “It will be a super lesbo event! Your all invited!”
Justin burst out laughing. “I’ll be there in drag!”
Deb gasped in mock horror. “God no, Justin! I want to attract guests, not scare them away! But the thought means a lot”
“I really love you sis, you know that”
Deb began to tear up. “You never even blinked twice when I told you I was gay. Why?”
“C’mon sis. Motorcycles, your dress, and I saw you kissing a girl about five years ago!”
She hugged her brother. “You’re an idiot”
“But I’m you’re idiot, right?”
She punched him in the arm.
She wiped her eyes. “Don’t count on Annie to give you any support. She's got her head so far up dad’s ass it’s pathetic. She and her leech husband Kevin will be only too happy to take your share of the inheritance”
“Who cares? I told dad to shove it”
“You told him that?”
“Sure. I don’t give a damn about his money. I never did. Not if it turned someone into the jackass dad became”
“I wish I could do that” she sounded sad.
“Be your own person. Actually I like your plan! You get the money, and tell him to stick it”
“You always knew how to make me feel better, but I’m still a shallow bitch and you know it”
Jung came in with a try of coffee and bagels. “Umm, Deb, there IS a little girl in the house, you know. I’d like to keep her sheltered from those words until at least the third grade” She smiled and poured the coffee into two mugs for Deb and Justin.
“Sorry, Jung. I’m not used to being around little kids”
“Don’t worry about it. Just think a little bit before you drop a bomb. You know, it’s really sad that you have such disrespect for your father. It is very foreign to me. I would never talk to my father or about my father like you do. It’s not…nice” she paused. “Bagel?”
Justin was about to say something, but Deb cut him off. “I understand your culture, Jung. Let me tell you something I’ve never said before. You are literally the classiest, most beautiful girl I have ever known. You have a grace that most people lack”
Jung blushed.
“You were brought up by two very special people. I love your folks in a way I can never love my own. In our culture, respect must be earned. It is not a right. My father is a pig. I saw how he looked at you when you weren’t watching him. You were nothing but a piece of meat to him. If he could get you in the sack, he would. The same goes for your mother. I’ve heard him talk about the people in your family, calling them slant eyed bastards and worse”
Jung held her hands to her mouth in shock.
“My father doesn’t deserve respect. No one respects a pig. He may be feared, but not respected. One of these days, I’m going to shove it in his face, and my Hitler youth sister Annie can have everything that’s left. I just wonder what he makes mom put up with. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a closet perv. I know he took pictures of you on the beach when you and I were sunbathing in our bikinis in Hawaii in '87”
“I…I never knew” Jung was completely shocked her eyes began to brim. “Justin, did you know this?”
“Yes. Deb told me a couple of years ago. I didn’t believe it then, which is why I didn’t say anything. I believe it now”
“You can’t let that bastard win. He’ll screw up that beautiful little girl. If I have to, I’ll testify, even if it costs me three million”
“I won’t ask you to do that sis. I’ll beat that SOB in my terms”
Jung was silent. The thought of her father in law having sexual thoughts about her was repulsive in the highest order. That he thought of her mother like that was worse. “Get him Justin. Don’t let him take my baby”
Deb and Justin talked for about another hour then Deb got up to leave. “Make sure you bring your girlfriend over sometime soon. I’d love to meet the person who could keep you in line. I know Hyun would love to meet her”
“Okay, big bro. She wanted to come today, but I wasn’t sure. It’ll be nice to have family we can visit”
She hugged and kissed her brother and Jung. Hyun came running into the room and gave Deb a picture she had drawn. It was Deb riding her Harley. With her hair blowing back in the wind.
“Why, thank you, sweetie! I’ll put this up when I get home!”
“I drawed it just for you, Auntie!”
Deb kissed and hugged her niece. “I’ll be back soon, Hyun Ae Brooks. I have a friend I want to introduce you to. She’s Auntie’s special friend. Her name is Kylie”
“Yay! I’ll draw her a picture too! Bye Auntie!”
Justin hugged her again. Don’t be a stranger, sis”
“I won’t, Big Bro!”
Mr. and Mrs. Song left the guest room as soon as Deb left. “Mom, Dad, why did you wait for her to leave?”
Mr. Song shook his head “It was not our time to meet her again. You had much to discuss”
“Did you hear?”
“Enough. House isn’t built very well. I hear that Mr. Brooks looks at others rice cakes”
Justin looked down, ashamed of his father’s conduct. “I’m sorry you had to hear that, Dad”
“It is not unknown to me. I see these things when Mr. Brooks does not think I see. He has no respect for others and no respect for our people. It says much about your character, Justin, that you respect our ways enough to name your child Korean name. These are acts of respect, not mere words. I am proud of you son, and proud to call you son. You have our support. We will be with you for the court”
Justin could not hold back his tears. “I…I am honored to be your son. You are the only father I have left”
Mr. Song was touched. He was not an emotional man, but Jung saw a tear.
Jung was enjoying the day. It was unseasonably warm day after Christmas. She thought it strange, because the morning was so chilly. Hyun wanted to play in the sprinkler in her new swimsuit. “Please, Mommy! It’s so hot!”
“Okay, baby girl. Get your suit on”
Hyun came running out in her suit. Jung had the water running. It was warm, and Jung was sweating. Where did this weather come from? The sky was a funny color, like the smog was really bad.
“Mommy! Look! I blew up my beach ball all by myself!”
“That’s nice, sweetie. The flower patch was really getting out of hand, so Jung decided to clean it out. “Gosh, it’s hot! I might join Hyun in the sprinkler myself if this keeps up”
“Mommy, the sprinkler shoots the ball way high!”
“That’s nice honey” The flower bed was really in bad shape.
Jung could hear Hyun giggling as she played in the sprinkler. She turned around and noticed that Hyun’s little member was showing through her wet suit. She was mortified. What if someone saw? “Hyun Ae? Come here this instant! Your thing is showing!”
Jung got embarrassed as she realized she had said this a little too loud. Her neighbors across the street stopped what they were doing and looked. “Shit! Said Jung to herself. Why does it have to be so damn hot the day after Christmas?”
“Whee, Mommy!” The ball shot out into the street, with Hyun in pursuit.
“HYUN AE BROOKS! STOP!”
The silver Mercedes never slowed. The sickening thud of bone on metal was like a cannon in Jung’s ears. She ran out to the street. Her baby was lying in a rapidly expanding pool of blood. The driver got out. It was Justin’s dad. “If I can’t have him, no one can”
Jung looked down at the lifeless eyes of Hyun Ae.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
To be continued
Chapter 8
Justin was awakened by his wife’s terrified screams. She was thrashing on the bed, wrapped in the covers.
“JUNG! JUNG! Wake up! Wake up!” Justin pulled the covers away from her face. Her eyes were wide with terror.
“Hyun! She’s dead! She’s dead! It’s my fault!”
Justin shook her. She was soaked with sweat, her nightgown was soaked through. “Honey, wake up! It was a dream!”
She looked around with panic written on her face. Slowly, she realized where she was. She looked at her husband and burst into tears. “Justin! It was so real! Your father killed our little girl!”
Jung’s parents burst into the room. “What happened?” asked Jung’s mother.
Justin was holding his sobbing wife. “She had a nightmare, that’s all. I’ll handle it. Go back to bed”
“It was a-awful. My little girl was hit by a car. Your dad was driving it. He said ‘if he couldn’t have him, then no one would’” Jung was shivering uncontrollably. Justin had never seen his wife in such a state. Her long hair was soaked.
“Take it easy, Hon. I’m right here, and Hyun is in the next room”
Jung looked into her husband’s eyes. “Your father wants to kill my baby. I know it. I’ve only had a dream like this once before, and it came true. My grandmother was killed in a plane crash”
She threw the covers down and started crying all over again. “Shit! I wet the bed! Justin, I’ll never let him take my baby. I swear, I’ll go back to Korea”
“Come on honey. Let’s not worry about that now. It’s five am. Run a bath and I’ll get the bed cleaned up. Okay?”
“Okay. I guess. Don’t go too far, please?”
“I’ll be right here”
Jung drew a hot bath, and took a shower before she got in. the bath wasn’t for getting clean. It was to relax. She pulled off her wet nightgown and panties and stepped in to the shower. After a quick shower, she stepped in to the hot bath. It was as hot as she could stand, and she could feel the tension easing as she slipped in.
After a few minutes, Justin entered the bathroom. The air was foggy from the hot bath.
“Feeling better, honey?”
Her eyes were closed as she smiled contentedly. “Mmmmmmm, yes. Good suggestion”
Justin chuckled. “Well, you did look a little stressed!”
“It was so real, Justin. I was working in the flower bed, and Hyun was in the sprinkler playing. Her ball went into the street…”
“And it was a dream. You were wrapped up in the covers so tight it’s a wonder you could breathe”
“It was so hot in the dream”
“No wonder! I know you can be a little cold blooded, but you weren’t sweating that much giving birth!”
“I know your father has evil intentions, Justin”
“I know that too, Honey. However, you need to remember that I know his little tricks, and we’ve got a top lawyer on our side, so we’ve got it covered”
“Are you sure? Your father is such a powerful man”
Justin knelt at the tub. “Do you love me?”
“Yes”
“Do you trust me?”
Jung nodded.
“Then hear me. I will not let anything happen to our little girl. Ever. My father will get Hyun over my dead body”
Jung rolled up on to her knees, smiling seductively. Her breasts were above the water. She leaned forward, kissed him deeply and said “I love you, Justin Brooks. And I need you to help me keep this water warm” She didn’t have to ask twice.
The hearing regarding the child abuse charge was held on December 30th. All of the parties were present.
Jung saw Lorraine enter the courtroom and noticed the little wink she got. It made her feel warm inside.
Kate looked angry. “We’ve pulled a competent judge. John Kimball is as old as dirt, but very fair. But he won’t put up with any nonsense in the courtroom. We’ve got our work cut out for us”
Justin was troubled by that. “We could lose?”
“Sure we could lose. But we won’t” she smiled confidently. She knelt down to Hyun. “Are you ready to be brave, my little lawyer?”
“Uh huh”
“Okay, folks, let’s put this Mr. Brooks in his place”
“All rise” commanded the bailiff. “This court is in session, the Honorable John Kimball presiding”
“Be seated”
The judge was a lean, hawkish figure of a man, easily in his late seventies. “I’ve read the complaint, and I have the documents forwarded to me by both sides. Counsel for the elder Brooks family, are you ready to make your case?”
Harry Dumas stood. “We are, Your Honor”
“Ms. Allegri?”
Kate stood. “We are, Your Honor”
“Very well. Before we begin, I have to say that this is a truly unusual case. California law makes it very difficult for grandparents to take a child away from their parents unless there is gross neglect”
Dumas stood. “Your honor, we intend to prove that Kwan Bae Brooks is being subjected to a cruel punishment, known in some circles as ‘petticoat punishment’. He is a boy being forced to wear garments of the opposite sex. We also intend to prove that the boy is being starved emotionally by a distant father and a cold mother”
Justin looked at his father with pure hatred. Jung was weeping. Kate, however was smiling.
“What in the hell are you smiling about, Kate?” asked Justin. “This guy is lying his ass off”
Kate leaned over to Justin and whispered quietly. “Justin, your dad is about to get a lesson in why the family lawyer isn’t always the best choice in every case”
“Ms. Allegri? Do you have something to say” asked the Judge in a somewhat condescending tone.
“As a matter of fact, your honor, I do. Not only are the charges being leveled against my clients patently false and malicious, but I will show that the plaintiff in this case, Mr. James Brooks, has no claim on the child whatsoever, and is to be considered an uninterested third party”
Mr. Brooks looked at his lawyer who shrugged his shoulders.
“Mr. Dumas, I’ll hear your arguments”
“Your Honor, I’d like to have the child examined by a psychologist of our choosing”
Judge Kimball rubbed his temples. “That should have been done by now, Mr. Dumas. Just finishing law school are we?”
Kate stood. “Your honor, if it pleases the court, we are prepared to enter into evidence complete psychological evaluations by Dr. Stacee Abney and a second opinion by Dr. Horatio Fulton, both world renowned experts in the field of gender studies. The child, Hyun Ae Brooks, formerly known as Kwan Bae Brooks is currently under the continued care of Dr. Abney. I have full files documenting the diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder with the treatments prescribed by Dr. Abney. Hers and Dr. Fulton’s credentials are listed, as are case histories of untreated cases. Hyun Ae is being treated according to recognized protocols”
“Furthermore, we have documents from the representative of the State who investigated the initial accident causing Kwan to be admitted to the hospital and the secondary complaint. This investigator found *no* evidence of abuse, and quite to the contrary, found Mr. and Mrs. Brooks to be exemplary parents who, at the risk of public ridicule, put the health and welfare of their daughter above all else to go with this course of treatment, controversial only in that the age of the patient is five years old”
“Also, your honor, we have learned that Mr. Brooks has disinherited his son, and as he has taken this action, his standing as a grandparent has been nullified”
Brooks looked at his attorney, furious. “How did they get that information?” He whispered.
“Finally, your honor, we are prepared to have the child in question, Hyun Ae Brooks, give testimony before your honor as to her mental status. She is most willing to give this testimony, and has been thoroughly counseled about the risks of such testimony”
Judge Kimball was taking notes as Kate was talking. “Very good, Ms. Allegri. At least one of you came prepared”
Mr. Dumas stood. “Your honor…”
“Sit down, Mr. Dumas” Kate thought it sounded a lot like “dumbass”
“Ms. Allegri, is the young lady ready to testify?”
“Yes, your Honor, she is”
He noticed Hyun sitting next to her mother. “Young lady, would you like to come forward?”
She looked at her mother, who nodded. “Yes sir” she got up and walked to the witness stand. She was wearing a light lavender sleeveless crew neck dress that hit just below the knee with white tights. She was carrying a sheet of her drawing paper. She had been drawing while the proceedings were going on.
The judge smiled. “Have a seat, Miss Brooks”
“Yes sir” she sat in the large chair, which made her look even smaller than she was.
“You know you’re supposed to tell the truth here, right?” The judge was surprisingly gentle.
“Yes sir, Mommy said I was supposed to tell you everything you wanted to know”
“That’s good. Your mommy is right. Now I’m going to ask you a few questions, okay?”
“Okay” she paused, looking at him askance. Then she smiled. “You have happy eyes. I like you”
Judge Kimball smiled. “I like you too, Miss Brooks. Do you like to be called Miss?”
“Yes sir. I am a girl, after all” she giggled. “You’re silly!”
The judge laughed. “That’s what my grandkids say. Is anybody making you do this against your will?”
“I don’t know what that means?”
“Do you want to be a girl?”
“I am a girl. I don’t like being a boy. Boys are yucky!” She wrinkled her nose as she said it.
“But weren’t you born a boy?”
“I guess, but I never felt like one. I never liked playing with them. They’re mean and gross. I like my Barbies! Hannah and I play all the time! Do you like dollies, sir?”
The judge laughed again. The bailiff bowed his head so no one could see him smile.
“I’m a little old for dollies, Miss Brooks, but I see why you like them”
“I drawed you a picture, sir. You can have it if you want” She handed it up to him.
It was a picture of the courtroom with him sitting at the bench. She drew flowers on his bench where there were none.
“Why thank you, Miss Brooks! Why did you put flowers on my bench?”
“Because they’re pretty! You really should have flowers there. They smell good and my Mommy grows them”
“Well young lady, the Court will certainly take that under advisement, and I thank you for your courtroom drawing. You may step down.”
“Okay!” she ran over to her mother and sat down again.
Judge Kimball paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Do you have anything further to present, Mr. Dumas?”
“No your Honor”
“Good move”
“Mr. Dumas” the judge intoned. “In the interest of fairness, I’ll allow you to have a psychologist of your choice interview this child, for whatever good it will do. I for one wish my own granddaughters were as feminine as this child”
“The issue of gender identity is, in the opinion of this court an issue not easily defined. Experts all over the globe have debated it for years, and it won’t be decided today. The age of the patient in question is the only issue. Whether or not a child as young as Miss Brooks can truly determine her gender identity is not a question that will be answered in this court today”
“Furthermore, I see no evidence of emotional maladjustment on the part of Miss Brooks. The opinion of many in my profession is that the testimony of a child is unreliable. I, on the other hand, find it refreshing. There is no guile, no intent to mislead here, just pure unadulterated honesty. It is the opinion of this court that for now, it sees no evidence of neglect or abuse, either physical or mental. This child believes she is a girl, and that is good enough for me. I will of course review all documentation provided the court by the defendants. But it is the summary judgment of this court that Hyun Ae Brooks be left in the care of her parents, as there is no evidence of any abuse on their part. Further, it is the opinion of this court that Hyun Ae Brooks be allowed to continue living as a girl, as this appears to be in her best interest”
“This court is adjourned” He slammed the gavel down.
Justin pumped his fist and hugged his wife. They both hugged their daughter and then hugged Kate. “Thank you, Kate for all you’ve done” Jung nodded as well.
“You’re welcome, guys. I’ll be here whenever you need me”
Justin looked over at his father and mother. His father was glaring at him; his mother was looking at him apologetically. Justin decided to try something.
He walked over to his father and offered his hand. “No hard feelings, dad?”
“You think you’ve won, don’t you? This isn’t over. I just fired Dumas, and I’ll be back” his father sneered.
“No, dad, actually I don’t. I said a lot of things in anger that I shouldn’t have. I was wrong about that, and I’d like to apologize”
“You just want back in, don’t you?”
Justin shook his head. “You don’t get it, do you dad? I don’t want your money. I never did. Your problem is that it’s all about the money and the power and getting your way. Well, that doesn’t work with me. My family is my responsibility. Mine alone. You wouldn’t want me nosing in your affairs. I just ask that you don’t mess in mine. Is that so hard?”
Hi father’s look never softened “I know what’s best for you. I always will”
Justin shook his head. He was no longer angry with his father. “Sorry dad, but that responsibility isn’t yours any more. You know, I feel sorry for you. Hyun has done nothing to you, yet you hate her because she doesn’t fit your mold. You aren’t God, dad. You have to deal with people as they are”
He noticed his mother was crying. “Don’t you see what you’re doing to your family? We’re all miserable”
Mr. Brooks felt a tug on his jacket. “Grampa? Are you mad at me?”
He couldn’t look at his granddaughter. “No” was all he said.
“Don’t you love me? I love you”
“No” He turned and walked away.
Hyun looked up at her father. “Why, Daddy? I drawed him a picture”
All Justin could do was shake his head as tears flowed down his cheeks. “I don’t know honey”
Mrs. Brooks bent down and hugged Hyun. “We love you Hyun. I love you. You’re beautiful, and I love your drawing”
“Thank you Grammie. Tell Grampa I’m sorry”
“No sweetie, he’s sorry. I’ll be over to see you this week”
Patricia turned to Justin. “I sorry, Justin. I was wrong. I’m leaving your father. I found out he has been seeing someone behind my back for three years. He betrayed me, He betrayed us all”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mom. Your welcome at our home anytime, and I’m sorry for the hateful things I said”
“You were right, Justin. She’s a beautiful little girl. How could we have thought otherwise” she smiled slightly. “Besides, I’m not moving anywhere. Jim’s the one moving out, not me. Half of his empire is mine, remember?”
Justin had to smile. His mom would be formidable in court. Jim Brooks would be worth a whole lot less when his mother was done with him.
“Come on, Justin, we need to go. Mom and Dad are buying lunch. Your mother is welcome to come”
Justin looked at his mother, who declined. “You go, son. I’ve got some work to do”
She waved as her son’s family left the courtroom, then at the drawing Hyun had given her. It was flowers in a field, with the word “hope” written in her childish scrawl.
The End