by poetheather
The triumphant return of the adventures of College Girl! Find out What trouble Richard has gotten himself into now!
I had finished moving my things into my new room at the Sorority; rather Caitlin did as Richard was pretty well gone. One utterly failed attempt to change things later and I was now a she. I had not expected the House to accept me or to make certain changes at the National Level. So I was here until I quit because I refused to go back on my word. Besides, so much about this House sounded pretty cool.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 1
I had finished moving my things into my new room at the Sorority; rather Caitlin did as Richard was pretty well gone. One utterly failed attempt to change things later and I was now a she. I had not expected the House to accept me or to make certain changes at the National Level. So I was here until I quit because I refused to go back on my word. Besides, so much about this House sounded pretty cool.
The upside of all of this smiled over at me as I set down the last load of books from my old room with Gwen. Meredith was the architect of how I looked now and I was in love with this crazy Make up expert. “That’s it?”
“Yep. I cleared everything out. So Dawn can move in there today and that should be fine. Dawn and Gwen…cute.” I noted.
Merri just rolled her eyes and cranked up some music. That helped the time pass as we got everything put away and cleaned up. The room passed for tidy and organized, though I did notice that her side looked more…organic, less orderly. Could I actually be neater than a girl? In all the times I had come over to her room I hadn’t really focused on things like that, but my side was neat and orderly and her’s was looser.
I looked at my clock and saw that it was lunch time. That would be nice and my stomach did grumble a bit. That was a good amount of work this morning. “Merri, want some lunch?”
“Sure. Let’s go for Chinese.”
“How about Mexican? I have a hankering of fajitas.” I countered.
She pondered this and then shrugged. I liked how her breasts moved without a bra. “I guess it’ll work and food sounds good.”
“Do you want anyone else to come along?” I liked eating with friends, it felt better somehow.
“Sure. Who do you have in mind?” Merri was still distracted and I wasn’t sure why. This could be a bad thing.
“Becca, Alison, Gwen and Dawn.” It sounded like a nice safe list to me. I liked all of them; well I didn’t really know Dawn. This might be a good chance to get to know her better. Besides, who didn’t like Mexican food?
Once the calls were made we headed out. Gwen and Dawn said they would meet us at La Hacienda. They had plans to do some shopping afterwards and Dawn was going to drive. I was not unhappy passengering.
Becca was actually the first to get there, as she didn’t live too terribly far from the restaurant. She had already been snarfing the chips and had ordered a large Guacamole for the rest of us. It was tasty and green and creamy and what? I like the stuff.
Alison was dressed in what she called “Easy Goth”, which was black jeans and a black t-shirt. She looked awesome. Of course the Goth Bling, silver Ankhs and Pentacles, completed the look. She was the most “colorful” of our group, as everyone else looked like everyone else. People stared at the group of us, trying to sort things out. I kept singing “One of these things is not like the other” in my head.
“Meredith, would it be possible to get the colors in something black and gothic?”
“Unfortunately not. The house colors are pretty well set, but whoever is your Big Sister will talk to you about that.” Replied Meredith, as she scanned the menu. “Mmmmmm, tamales.”
Dawn, Alison and I all looked at each other in confusion. “Big Sister?”
“Yeah. It will be one of the other girls of the House who has been there a while. It will probably be one of the girls you click the most with. It’s actually pretty cool. As Pledges you guys will end up doing some crazy things before you get initiatated, but we are there to support you. And your Big Sis will be there cheering you on.” Meredith kept scanning the menu, looking for something. Apparently she couldn’t find whatever it was.
One thing that happened with everyone talking was that Alison slipped me a small piece of paper without any one else noticing. I slipped it off the table and into my lap. I opened up the paper and looked at what was written. “I know.”
My heart about stopped. She knew? How? But I thought…but Merri had…Oh My God… I looked up at Alison and she smiled at me, nodding slightly. What the hell was I going to do?
Suddenly food was not important. I excused myself and headed for the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face as I felt flush. I had done everything right, right? Everything that I had been asked to do I had done and I looked and sounded like a woman. What could have given me away?
The door of the restroom opened and there was Alison. “Hey Caitlin, are you okay?”
I opened my mouth to say something, but when nothing came out I closed it again. She continued. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone. I know a number of people like you, so relax. If I didn’t know what to look for I would never have noticed.”
That really didn’t help things. How the hell can I explain this?
“And to do the Sorority thing as well…that took some big ovaries. But then again, with everything they told us about their House it shouldn’t be that much of a shock that someone like you got in.”
I wanted to explain, to point out how everything had come to pass, but words failed me. Part of me was so scared that I couldn’t really see straight. “I…uhm…”
“And you and Meredith make a cute couple.”
I blinked a few times. Wait, what? What did that have to do with anything?
“And it’s cool. Like I said, I know a bunch of lesbians.”
I felt the world spin slightly as blood rushed back into my head. She thought I was a lesbian? A lesbian? Not a guy in a dress but a lesbian? Maybe things weren’t as bad as I had thought. “Thanks. It’s just that we’re trying to keep it quiet at the moment.”
It was true and addressed both issues. How did I get into these situations? Oh yeah…with Meredith’s help. Sometimes I really wished I had backed out back then, with that phone call. Man am I an idiot.
“No problem. I just wanted you to know that it’s cool with me.”
“Thank you.” We hugged and then headed back to the large booth.
Meredith and Becca looked a bit confused but Gwen and Dawn hadn’t seemed to have noticed too much. That was good. I could fill the other two in later, so they could be ready for anything that Alley might say. Alison had managed to say that in such a way that it could be misunderstood easily. If one of them slipped up I have no idea what could happen? After all this, to possibly get tripped up over a quirky sense of diction would be sad.
I slipped the paper to Meredith, who looked at it and then looked at me confused. I sighed, rolled my eyes and shook my head. Come on, she’s not that dumb. I could see the light grow in her eyes, as a slight panic set in. Alley just smiled at the two of us. I think I may have to kill her for this, though which her was up for debate.
After lunch was over I was finally able to get Becca and Merri alone so I could tell them everything. Both looked relieved, and Becca chuckled. I huffed at her, “Its not funny Becca!”
“No, it is.” Becca kept giggling and Meredith started as well. Soon the three of us were just giggling while the others looked at us in confusion. I was okay with that. I had not needed to have my heart jump started, I was awake already.
There was a plan for a group of people to head out to the lake this afternoon and to drink and have fun. I wasn’t keen on the drinking but I did enjoy hanging out at the lake. Supposedly this was one of the few nice things that the pledges got to have before things really got going with the start of the school year.
Before we left the restaurant Becca grabbed me, to keep me behind. “Just to let you know, we are going home this weekend to see my folks and your mom.”
“What?” Did I have a sign around my neck saying to surprise me? Was I really asking for that much abuse? Don’t answer that.
“Yeah. My dad is paying for the gas. We’re staying over at my folks place on Friday and Saturday we have a picnic with everyone. Sunday you and I head back here. Sound good?”
“Do I have an option?” I knew the answer but I had to ask.
“No. Your Mom told me she wanted to see you before school started so my Dad is helping to make this happen. It’ll be fun. You can bring Merri along if you want. I am sure everyone will love to meet your lesbian girlfriend.” Becca smiled and again I saw I was disarmed. Why couldn’t I win?
“Fine. I’ll ask her. Any other surprises you need to spring on me?”
Becca looked pensive and bit her lip. She looked away and whispered something. I couldn’t make out what it was. This was so unlike her. What was wrong? “Hunh?”
Somewhat louder she said, “I’m pregnant you idiot.”
Caitlin's life just keeps getting more and more bizarre. Rebecca was Pregnant? Who was the father? When did this happen? What was going on?
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 2
I froze and stared at her. I could feel my mouth fall open and my heart to start to race. Wha? When? Where? Whom? How? What? I gibbered a bit trying to come up with some response. What the…?
I looked at me with those weepy eyes for a bit before she finally cracked up, laughing at my expense yet again. “Oh my God Caitlin, I never thought you would be that gullible. The look on your face was priceless.”
As my brain started catching up with what was going on I narrowed my eyes, pissed off. How could she do that to me? Didn’t I have enough stress? “Bitch. That’s not funny.”
“No. It was. That was priceless. I wish I had thought to bring my camera. Gods that was funny.” Becca was hugging herself, trying to contain her humor.
I growled some, which only made Becca laugh harder. The other girls stopped and looked back, trying to figure out what was going on. When I noticed them looking I blushed and turned away. I couldn’t look at anyone because I was embarrassed by how I had looked. Gwen broke the silence and asked, “What’s going on?”
I looked at Becca and it was clear that she was going to tell them everything. Why me? I grumbled, as that was a pretty mean trick for her to pull. It’s not my fault that I generally believe anything she says. Most of the time she doesn’t do things like that, so I have no reason to doubt her. And then she pulls something like this, out of the blue, and freaks me out. Frigging Becca.
On the way back to the House Merri was still chuckling. She had found the whole thing wonderfully funny. She also wished that Becca had remembered to bring a camera along. “Sweetie, it’s all right. Stop being all grumpy. Becca just pulled a fast one on you, that’s all.”
“I know but that wasn’t funny. I really thought she was pregnant.” I was busy looking at the side mirror, avoiding direct eye contact.
“She said she hasn’t had sex in months, so how could she have gotten pregnant?” The voice she used was so calm and so logical that I almost wanted to strangle her as well.
“I don’t know. I just wasn’t expecting her to do something like that, okay.” I snapped.
Meredith drove on in silence for a bit. “I think you need to do some serious relaxing before you snap again. I know last week was rough, but is that any reason to be short with anyone? To be short with me?”
I sat quietly. Was that what was going on? Was I basically still fried over what had happened during Rush week? There had been so many ups and downs that just thinking about it made me dizzy. Maybe Becca’s idea of going home to visit everyone might be a good one? I could hang out with the folks and lounge around, not worrying about any of this other crap. “I’m sorry Merri. I didn’t realize that I was that tense and I don’t want to take it out on you.”
She smiled at me. “It’s all right. With classes coming up you need to take care of your stress levels or you won’t do anyone any good.”
“Oh, did Becca tell you about the trip home she is planning?”
Meredith looked confused as I mentioned that. It was pretty obvious that she had no idea what I was talking about. “Trip home?”
“Yeah. My mom wants to see me, as does Becca’s parents. I was told to invite you, since…well…you know.” I didn’t know why I couldn’t say girlfriend right then. It was odd and not exactly something I was really excited about. Why was I having trouble saying that? I didn’t know and it really bugged me. Was it because I was still mad?
“You know, I would like to go with you guys. It might be a lot of fun and we can find out things we can use to build your personal history.” replied Meredtih.
“My what?” I blinked at her, trying to figure out what she was talking about now.
“Caitlin, listen…there will be questions asked that you won’t have answers for. Building you a history as a girl will really help with that. It will be easy and fun. I am sure your Mom and such will help.” It all sounded so good, so easy. That only made me nervous. Wasn’t I ever able to escape all this girl stuff?
“Uhm…okay. You are the one who knows what to do in this.” I, of course, conceded. I mean, winning against Meredith was mostly a matter of luck at any time. Besides, it was probably something I had to do for the House anyway. They kept giving me things to do, in order to become more of a girl. As if things in my life weren’t confusing enough.
It was nice to realize that all the crazy drilling and such would stop now that two other girls were in the House who didn’t know about Richard. I could actually just kick back and not have to jump through as many hoops, if I was understanding things correctly. They wouldn’t be able to do all those exercises they had for me if there were two people who knew nothing about who and what I really was. Maybe I really needed to relax? After all, if I was as tense as both Becca and Merri were saying then I desperately needed it. Stressing over all this training was obviously not of any help in all of this.
I thought about it some more. Rush week had been crazy and an emotional rollercoaster. The lead up to that had been tough as well. Learning how to be something you aren’t isn’t an easy process. All that repetition of things was a bit much and having to swallow my pride and work at being someone I was hoping I wasn’t. The fact that I was losing track of who I was didn’t make me feel very secure in my masculinity, especially with all this femininity being beaten into me.
Maybe I really did need this break from things, but was I too stubborn to take it? Was I setting myself up to fail? “When can we go? Just thinking about this made me realize that I do need a break for a while.”
Meredith smiled. “Let’s check and find out. I’m ready to go when you are.”
When we got back to the House, the two of us headed back to the room and she called Becca. It was nice that the two important women in my life were getting along. Becca was my best friend and Merri was my love. If they had ended up hating each other, I think I would have had to cry. As it was the two of them together seemed unstoppable. Would she and my Mom click like that?
Merri chatted with Becca about things in such a way that I was barely able to follow things. She kept talking around things, or so I gathered. When she turned around she was smiling really wide. “Pack your bags sweetie…we’re leaving tonight.”
“Wait…what?” I had figured, maybe the weekend, but now? Oh God…what was I going to do? I started breathing quickly and my head was starting to spin. My hands were sweaty and I wiped them on my clothes.
Meredith came over and sat me down on the bed. “Caitlin…look at me. It’s okay. Your mom knows all about this and you will have me and Becks by your side through all of this as well. All you need to worry about is relaxing. We’ll deal with anything else. School is hard enough without starting it stressed out of your mind. Okay?”
I nodded. She kissed me on the cheek and then began to pack for both of us. It took about five or so minutes before I was feeling well enough to get up and help her. I was a little weak and felt a bit funny but I was mostly good to go.
She had already grabbed our bikinis and a number of comfy clothes and had started making piles for us to pack. She was very quick and efficient. It was obvious by looking at what she had grabbed that we would have no intention of really dressing up while we were out there. If I really had to spend a lot of time in town I think I would just lose it. What if someone recognized me? I mean, my face was the same and I looked just like me in a dress. And with Becca there, surely they would figure out who I was. What if they called the school? What if they called the cops? Could I get arrested for this?
My heart started beating really hard and fast and I heard the blood rushing in my ears. It sounded really strange. The world seemed to slow and then I felt a sharp pain crush my chest. Needle like pain flared down my right arm, all the way to my fingertips. I flopped over onto the bed, unable to keep myself up. The pain was almost unbearable.
Merri spun quickly and rushed over to me. Her voice sounded like it was from down a well, echoing funny, sounding distant. Her face was clearly worried. “Sweetie…what’s wrong?”
I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t make it out. My lips felt tingly and the edges of my eyesight were starting to grey out. Merri flung open the door and screamed, “Sarah!!”
I tried to think about who Sarah was but I couldn’t really process anything. It was kind of an odd thing for her to do…right?
Looking up at her worried face I wanted to tell Merri that I thought I was okay but my voice just didn’t seem to work. Nothing I tired to say came out. I was getting a bit confused about why I was having this problem.
My vision darkened even more. It was almost as if the lights were on a dimmer. Why couldn’t I say anything? Was it…could it be…but at my age?
My chest ached, my stomach churned unhappily and I just wanted to close my eyes and rest. Surely Meredith wouldn’t mind if I did that…right?
I was just tired………
……………righ…?
There was a light shining in my eyes. It was bright and a little uncomfortable. I could feel a stethoscope against my chest. It was a little cold.
The cold actually gave me something to focus on. The grey started to fade and pass. I asked weakly, “Am I ok?”
The continuing adventures of Caitlin O'Rourke, Sorority Boy.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 3
There was a light shining in my eyes. It was bright and a little uncomfortable. I could feel a stethoscope against my chest. It was a little cold.
The cold actually gave me something to focus on. The grey started to fade and pass. I asked weakly, “Am I ok?”
The Hispanic woman looking down at me smiled. She was very pretty, but there was something about her eyes that seemed odd. “I think so. How do you feel?”
“Just tired.” I felt like I was a dishrag that had been wrung out and tossed onto the floor. Actually make that the dirty ground.
She checked my pulse again, looking at her watch. She seemed to be thinking. “Do you hurt anywhere?”
I thought about it. I didn’t hurt so much a have slight aches. The exhaustion was the big thing. Nothing hurt anymore but I didn’t really feel like moving. “No…I guess I’m just all wrung out.”
The woman, who I assumed was Sarah, nodded. Did I just confirm something for her? “It sounds like what you had was a panic attack. Heart attacks are rare in people of your age and there were a few symptoms you missed for the classic MI description. We can take you to the ER if you want, but they’ll only run some blood and give you an EKG to make sure that you didn’t have a heart attack. Other than that, you just need to relax and de-stress.”
Sarah turned to Meredith. “You take care of her. She needs very little stress at this time and lots of rest. I will be very grumpy if you don’t make this happen.”
Meredith just nodded, agreeing with the girl. Sarah grabbed her fairly large army green first aid bag and slung it onto her shoulder. She turned back and looked at me with her strong brown eyes. “So, Caitlin, to the hospital or not?”
I lay there on the bed, turned to face her. Her short, dark hair framed her face well. She was quite fit and attractive. Like a Hispanic Sarah Connor. Did I want to go to the hospital? She seemed to think that this was an option. I had to ask, “Just a panic attack?”
“That’s my call. But you get to decide what we do.”
“I wasn’t overly worried at this point. I was feeling better, things weren’t grey or from a tunnel. And if she felt confident then I would agree with her. “I’ll stay here.”
She nodded. “I’ll check on you in the morning. If you are still weak then, nauseous or have any other symptoms I’m dragging you to the ER. Clear?”
After we nodded she left and I turned my head to look at Merri. She saw the questioning look and replied, “Sarah was a medic in the Army. She did time in Kosovo and Afghanistan. She is pre-med and a fully qualified EMT. So, I guess we need to listen to her. We need to make sure you’re relaxed. Should I call the Spa and get you in for a relaxing massage?”
“She was in the military?” I was running a few steps behind at the moment. If she had been in the military then that might explain a few things about her, like the way she stood, spoke and approached my panic attack.
“Yep, you should see her in her dress uniform, very colorful. Lots of medals. She is also one of the older members here. Sarah is awesome. But back to what’s important…the spa? Relaxing?” Meredith did look worried. That made me a touch worried as well. Why in the hell had I gotten a panic attack? It made no sense. I guess I was just going to relax, like I was being told. Maybe I could figure this out.
“Sure. The tub and a massage sound good to you?” Well, they certainly couldn’t hurt. Besides I had enjoyed the last massage I had gotten from them.
I nodded as I slowly got to my feet. She picked up the phone and made the call. I went to my panty drawer and pulled out what I was going to need.
I put on my vagina while she was still chattering. She turned and let me know that she had managed to grab the last spot of the day. That would be nice. She had asked for three spots. Who would be joining us?
The answer came when Meredith called Rebecca. I guess that made sense. Their conversation lasted a while as I just lay on the bed, listening to my MP3 player. I drifted away to Dave Matthews. It was nice, relaxing and didn’t involve this whole gender insanity. Where Are You Going really did hit hard this time, as did the Dave Matthews/ tim Reynolds version of Eh Heh.
I felt a hand on my knee. I opened my eyes and looked up at Merri. I stopped the player and pulled out the ear buds. She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “Come on sweetie, time to go.”
We made it to the spa in fairly good time. Merri was driving a bit more subdued than normal, which was a bit odd. Maybe she was worried about me? I can’t imagine why?
Becca was inside, reading some sort of magazine. I wasn’t able to make out what it was as when she saw me she dropped it and gave me a hug. I hugged her back. We stood there for a while, just holding each other. It felt nice.
When she let go the hug she held me at arms length. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged. At this point I had no clue. A panic attack from nowhere and if that wasn’t what a heart attack felt like then I really wanted to avoid one of those.
She smiled slightly, almost nervously. “Sorry for the joke.”
I smiled back. “It wasn’t your joke that did this.”
“You sure?” she asked, hoping for absolution.
“Well, no, but it really wasn’t that bad of a joke. I can see the humor better the farther I am from it. By next Thursday it will be really funny.” I grinned at her. It wasn’t her fault that I fell for that. I always seemed to fall for things like that from her. She pulled those so infrequently that I had forgotten about the last time when she got me again.
We finally made our way to the hot tub. It wasn’t the first time I had seen Becca naked, and definitely not the first time I had seen Meredith naked, but I noticed that she had filled out some and looked curvier, healthier than she had the last time. It was a nice sight. In fact, both of them were lovely and it wasn’t a bad view either way you looked. I lay my head back and let the warm water unknot everything. I was hoping the pressure in the gaff would fade soon.
“So, what set this off?” asked Becca after a bit. Her face was wet from the tub and sweat.
“I’m not sure. I was worried about seeing my Mom, your folks and that I might be recognized in town.” I shrugged my shoulders. That basically covered things.
Merri grinned, predatorily. “I am willing to bet you that no one will recognize you, outside of your Mom and Becca’s folks.”
I looked at her a moment, wondering if I was really dumb enough to take her up on that. I shook my head. “I’ve been warned about betting with you.”
She pouted briefly and said, “Well…you know…”
I knew where she was going. Part of me didn’t agree but a whole lot of me couldn’t argue with her. I did the only responsible thing at that point, I conceded.
“Besides, with the two of us there we can certainly keep you out of any trouble. Hell, if people ask, you are a girlfriend from college and not my dearest friend Richard. The folks are fine with things. They love you for you and are mostly amused by this recent change in attire.” added Becca.
“I know, but that doesn’t make me any less scared or worried.” The two girls moved through the swirling bubbling water and hugged me. I liked that, especially the naked flesh on naked flesh thing. Made me feel closer to them somehow. It was friendly and loving instead of erotic. Well…it was until I thought about it.
“Don’t worry Richard. I won’t let anyone mess with my girlfriend.” With that Merri kissed me on the cheek.
Becca laughed as I blushed. I giggled as well, as calling me Richard and then girlfriend was funny. True, but funny. Meredith stuck her tongue out at us and then joined in on the laughing.
This felt good. To be here, in this place, relaxing, with two people so dear to me, was wonderful. It was so clear that they cared for me. I hoped they knew how much they meant to me.
The massage afterwards was wonderful. I hadn’t been aware that the muscles of my back had been so incredibly tight. The kneading of my back hurt a lot, but afterwards I felt renewed. It was a great massage, just like last time.
Dinner was comfort food and desert was one of those awesome chocolate chocolate chip muffins. I slathered the warm muffin with butter and washed it down with some cold milk. I lay back in my chair to sigh in contentment.
We separated, to go home and pack. We were going to head out in the morning after a quick breakfast at our favorite place. I was still wrung out some and so Merri finished our packing, making sure I did nothing but sit back and read.
I worked through the book, enjoying the continuing adventures of Rhapsody. I was still in the first third of the second book of the series. Man, that Rhapsody was such a cool character. That whole Namer thing was incredible.
We called it an early night, snuggling together under the sheets. It was nice to feel her against me, and that helped me drift off to sleep.
Shortly after we got up, Sarah showed back up, looking fresh and awake despite the early hour. She had her med bag and was dressed for running. She listened to my heart, checked my pulse and blood pressure. She sighed and nodded. “You should be good to go. No doing anything stupid and Merri, I am still holding you responsible. If you have any other symptoms, right to an ER.”
I thanked her and gave her a hug. She hugged back. Man she was strong. She carried one of the bags down stairs, left her aid kit in the kitchen and then took of for a run while we loaded the car. Once that was done, along with a travel cooler with drinks and snacks, we took off to pick up Becca.
Breakfast was great and the drive was nice. We were in my Jetta, as it was a great car for a road trip. We sang along to various songs and chatted about everything. Sooner than I would have thought possible, we pulled off the Interstate and began to move down familiar roads.
I knew this place and I was coming back as a girl. I guess both Becca and Merri noticed me tensing up. Becca, who was driving at that point, rested her hand on my thigh and Merri kneaded the muscles of my neck. She whispered, “It’ll be okay. Just relax.”
That helped. The drive through town was a bit nerve wracking. A few people waved at Becca, which got my heart racing a bit. I chided myself. How could anyone know who I was? I was just another girl to them, someone that Becca knew. Surely I couldn’t be Richard? That would be absurd.
We wound our way through a neighborhood until we were driving up to Becca’s house. The two-story Tudor was nice and huge. Her parents had done a good bit of investing, invention and work for a few companies. Luck had helped them get early IBM, Apple and Mircosoft stocks. So they were doing quite well.
We parked and headed up to the kitchen entrance. Oh my God! My second parents were in there waiting for us. Merri took my hand and I took a deep breath. I let it out slowly and opened the door.
I was nervous but I knew that these people supported me. No one was in the kitchen where we entered. The three of us headed into the family room and the two girls took my hands.
Becca’s mom looked up from the couch where she was reading. “Hello girls. How was the drive?”
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 4
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
I was nervous but I knew that these people supported me. No one was in the kitchen where we entered. The three of us headed into the family room and the two girls took my hands.
Becca’s mom looked up from the couch where she was reading. “Hello girls. How was the drive?”
“It was fine mom.” replied Becca.
“Good. Caitlin, I have you and Meredith in the guest room. Go on up, dinner is at about seven. You should have time for a swim.” With that she returned to her book.
I was confuzzled, why hadn’t she reacted? Merri tugged my arm. “So, where is our room?”
Still trying to puzzle this out, I walked with her upstairs and we dumped our stuff in the guest room. Merri flopped onto the bed and sighed. “This house is really nice. And they have a pool. That’s awesome. Let’s get our suits on and lounge in the pool.”
I shrugged. Why hadn’t she reacted, gushed over me or something? Granted, I was relieved that she hadn’t, but it was curious. Merri tossed me my bikini from our luggage. I smiled and put it on, tying the straps snugly. She also tossed me the cover up for the suit. I put it on and slipped on my flip flops. Merri bounded over to Becca’s room once dressed. Since the door was still open, she sauntered right on in.
Becca’s room was not overly girly, which had been nice when we had sat and talked during high school. The room hadn’t scared me off, which it might have done if it had been overly flouncy. Becca was pulling out her suit as we entered. Merri grinned and said, “Ready to go?”
“Dork. Let me get changed first. I’m sure that Cait here can get you downstairs and to the pool in one piece.” Becca rolled her eyes then took off her shirt.
“But Becca,” whined Merri. “I wanted you to show me everything. It’s your house.”
Becca hurled a stuffed rabbit at Merri. It was the special attack bunny as it was the killer rabbit from Holy Grail. The big gnashy teeth were cute. It bounced off of Merri’s head. My girlfriend protested immediately. “Hey, no attack rabbits!”
The two began throwing stuffed animals at each other. I giggled at the insanity of it all until I got hit by a stuffed squirrel. The three of us giggled and squealed as we attacked each other. It finally descended to tickling and all of us tangled up, squirming on the floor.
Finally we all lay there, panting. Becca struggled to her feet. “Get out so I can change.”
Begrudgingly, we left and headed outside. The pool area was beautiful, with a semi-tropical looking garden built around the water. It also had a black bottom that made it look like it was a small pond rather than a swimming pool. There was even a waterfall at the far end across from the hot tub. Merri’s eyes went wide at the sight of it. All she could manage to say was, “Wow!”
I draped my towel over one of the lounge chairs by the poolside. I walked into the water down the sloped entry. The water felt refreshing. I got all the way in, dunked my head and then began to float in the slightly shaded pool.
It was nice. I had spent several days doing just this in high school. It had been difficult being a short, smart kid. As usual, the bullies were a good bit larger and muscular and most of them not overly smart. I wasn’t sure why that was as big and stupid wasn’t really a rule. I wasn’t sure why though as it almost seemed like one. Outsmarting them had brought me some peace. Not a lot of inner peace now though.
Why did I agree to this crazy thing? I was a guy but here I was floating in the pool dressed in a bikini. The crazy thing was that I wasn’t sure that I minded it all that much. I wasn’t phased by this. I wasn’t freaking out in any way other than over other people’s opinions. I just didn’t want to upset people. Like my mother. And I was afraid of what people here might think. I wasn’t a fan of getting beaten up and had gotten my fill in middle school. Was this fear the problem that caused my stress?
I already had talked to my mom, and she was fine with all of this. Sort of understood it, but wasn’t getting all freaked out over it. It seemed that Becca’s folks were taking things in stride, as normal, so no worry there. As for other people…I looked so different that I still had moments of disbelief looking at myself. If I couldn’t tell, how could they even begin to have a clue? Was I freaking out over nothing?
I wasn’t sure. I had read about Gwen Araujo and all of that madness. From what I had read there was actually a very real danger arising out of this whole plan. But I looked exactly like a girl. With the breasts and vagina that Merri had crafted on I looked real, even naked. That did make me feel safer, but it still remained that I was a guy in a dress. Well, a bikini.
Back and forth, what was I? I stood under the waterfall, letting the water pound on me like a heavy massage, working out all the kinks and knots that had arrived with my first pair of panties. I rolled my shoulders to release the tension. Becca and Merri were talking on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the water. I swam leisurely over to them.
“Hey there Cait, done floating?” asked Becca.
I nodded. “What are you guys talking about?”
“You.” replied Merri.
I blushed. Why talk about me? Was I really that interesting, even with the crossdressing?
“I was talking about how hot you look in that suit.” continued Merri, watching the red creep over more of my face.
My face was burning, so I looked down at the water. It was kind of cool being called hot, but it left me confused. “You…you really think I look hot?”
Merri had a wonderful smile. It lights up her whole face when she really gets it going. “Absolutely.”
Becca chipped in at that point. “You look really cute. If I didn’t know better I would never know. Honestly. You look incredible.”
I floated there, treading water slowly, unsure again if this was good or bad. Was it really okay to look this much like a girl when I wasn’t? I guess in this situation it was a good thing. Being an obvious guy in a dress would have been terrible in the sense of trying to pull this whole thing off. Maybe cute wasn’t terrible.
My thoughts were derailed, as both Becca and Merri splashed water in my face. As I spluttered, Merri chided, “Hey there…no brooding.”
“I was just thinking.” I protested.
“I know. That’s what I was worried about. Caitlin, just relax for once and try not to dwell on things too much. Come on out. Let’s get some sun.”
The three of us rubbed lotion on each other than lay back on the lounge chairs. It was nice lying there, warm and relaxed. I dozed some, only coming to long enough to flip over. When we got up, I stretched and stumbled inside, still a bit asleep. I was more tired than I had been aware of. We took time showering, washing the chlorine and lotion off. Becca let us know that the plans had changed for dinner so we should get dressed kind of nice.
As the last one in the shower, I found out that Merri had set out my clothes, without letting me know things had changed. My sundress was out, along with some nice lingerie. A pair of strappy sandals with a low heel and nude hose were on the bed as well. We were going out? Since when?
Becca came in to check on me. She saw me looking quizzically at the clothes. Before I asked she answered, “Dad wanted to go out to eat tonight. Merri is talking to him right now. We’re meeting your mom at the restaurant. It’ll be okay. Really.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. There was no reason to stress yet. Becca left me to get dressed, which I did with some trepidation. Going out. I could do this.
Once dressed, I did some basic light makeup and headed downstairs. When I made it down there Dad gave me a big hug. I really loved Becca’s father. “You look great.”
“Thanks. I feel so…”
“Don’t.” he chided softly. “You are being true to your word and are exploring things that only really bad movies try to explore. In a way, I am kind of jealous. You are learning more about how women tick than anyone else your age. Your mom is proud of you and the two of us are as proud of you as if you were our own kid. Now stop fretting and let’s go eat.”
It was weird having him hold the door open for the group of us, but I think I could get used to that. The drive to the restaurant was brief but all of us were talking. Merri had them laughing at some of my misadventures. I was blushing so much my face felt sunburnt. It really did feel good to have family around.
Apparently this was one of the new places they were working on before I left. It was nice when some kid opened the door for me. Becca pushed me on as the kid had smiled at me in a way I knew all too well, watching it be directed at friends. I was being hit on.
Before I could really dwell on it, we were ushered inside with me bracketed by Becca and Meredith. They were like a protective wall between me and that guy.
The foyer was nice, with hardwood and soft light. I looked over the crowd and there was my mom. We hustled together and hugged. She whispered, “You look beautiful, Caitlin. I love you.”
It felt good to have her say that and it made me feel much more comfortable about everything that had happened to me over this whole stupid idea of mine. She thought I looked beautiful. I had never been beautiful and only occasionally handsome. She and I were holding hands and smiling at each other. In a short time, it felt like a lot had changed between us. We certainly wouldn’t have done this before, but now it just felt right. This experience had definitely changed the way I was reaction with her. But there were other things that had to be taken care of.
“Mom, this is Meredith.” Merri looked a bit nervous, as if unsure of how to react, which was a nice turn about. My mom pulled her into a hug, which Merri returned.
“Welcome to this crazy family.” I beamed happily. It seemed that my mom actually liked Merri, which was a load off of my mind. I wasn’t sure what I would have done if they hadn’t really liked each other. I was quite glad that I didn’t have to find out.
The table was ready so the lot of us got seated. I was so happy I didn’t stress over the fact that we were seated near the center of the room or that people watched the group of us get seated. Things didn’t seem all that bad. If my family here supported me in this insane social experiment, then anything was possible.
Afterwards we all returned to Becca’s house. We were all sitting in the living room chatting and drinking tea. Well, Becca’s dad was having a beer, but so it goes. Meredith was busy explaining the whole sordid situation to them, making sure to clarify the positions of the House.
After her tale there were plenty of giggles at my expense, especially at my descriptions of hair removal and the whole torture of learning how to walk, sit and such. But it was good natured fun that made me feel loved instead of ridiculed. They were all a bit concerned about the panic attack but were sure to make me feel loved.
“You know, I had always wondered what having a daughter was like, more than Becca here. I guess I now have the chance.” remarked my mom.
“Do you know if you are going to do this all four years or not?” asked Becca’s mom.
“I honestly don’t know. I suppose I will, as I said I was serious, and the House is great. After that, I don’t know what I’ll do. I mean, who will I be at that point, Caitlin or Richard?” It was a long ways away but it still felt like that decision needed to be made today.
“Don’t worry about that right now sweetie. Worry about things day by day at this point. Things are still to new and it is too early to be worrying about four years down the line. Have fun and see what happens.” I nodded. Gee my mom was smart. Must be where I got it from.
It was getting late and my mom left as she had to work the next day. We hugged again and I was looking forward to coming home in a day or so. The other two girls and I headed upstairs and got changed for bed after the adults went off to sleep.
We were all lounging in Becca’s room just chatting away about movies and books and what not. It was nice and relaxing and I found myself drifting, slowly falling asleep. I remember the girls smiling at me and helping me into the bed. After that, nothing.
I woke up nestled against Meredith’s breast. She must have pulled me against her last night. I kissed her breast and gently removed myself from her embrace. Another good round of sleep, I could get used to this. I was even used to how nightgowns occasionally tangled my legs. It was all so different but so comfortable at this point.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
I woke up nestled against Meredith’s breast. She must have pulled me against her last night. I kissed her breast and gently removed myself from her embrace. Another good round of sleep, I could get used to this. I was even used to how nightgowns occasionally tangled my legs. It was all so different but so comfortable at this point.
I headed downstairs and could smell the coffee. The French press was on the counter in the kitchen. I grabbed a mug and made myself a cup, with some Sugar in the Raw and whipping cream. The flavor was wonderful. I wanted some fresh air as well, so I headed outside. Becca’s Mom was out there enjoying the morning birdsong with her own cup of coffee in one of those huge cappuccino mugs. She smiled at me, waving me over to the table. We hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.
“Morning sweetheart.”
“Morning Mom.” I sat down with her and looked out at the garden. The plants were beautiful and the slight breeze moved them ever so slightly, like they were swaying.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes. Thank you for letting Meredith and I stay in the same room.”
“Well, you’re almost an adult now, so you can get some of the adult benefits. I figured you were responsible enough to choose someone who cared for you. That made it alright in my mind. By the way, you look lovely this morning.” She took a sip of her coffee.
I blushed. Getting complimented for how I looked was still very odd. It had never happened when I was a guy, at all, except for the big things like Prom, when it was the Tux and not you. “Thank you. You know, even after a month of this I’m still not used to all of it.”
She reached over the table and laid a hand on me gently. It was nice. “Remember, those girls have had a life time of living this way. Trust me; they all made plenty of mistakes along the way. You just have to learn faster and under some pressure a lifetime of lessons. The biggest trick is to relax. That makes you more natural, more you. All of those other things will come in time.”
“I…I don’t look like a girl.” I choked a little on that. Why did that thought make me so sad? Why did I want to cry over that?
“Caity, you look wonderful. You do look like a girl at the moment, and a beautiful one at that. I remember when you dressed up as a cheerleader for Halloween. You looked like a guy in the outfit, not like a girl. But now, here, sitting in that nightgown, you look just like any other young woman. Don’t fret over that, there’s no need. You are beautiful.” The smile warmed me, almost like a hug. I loved her and was so happy she had entered my life.
I came around to her side of the table and she hugged me tight. I hugged her back just as hard. Having a second set of parents was awesome. But I needed to have a conversation about this with my mom. That made me nervous, but she had seemed happy last night at dinner. Maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad? She had seemed mostly amused by it on the phone…
We sat a while longer just enjoying the morning and each others company. Becca’s mom stood, shortly after having finished her coffee. “Caitlin, would you help me with breakfast?”
“Sure.” This would be a first. She was usually so picky about who could and could not work in her kitchen. It was almost like you had to pass an inspection of sorts to get that privilege. I was elated, like I had won some sort of prize, to be able to help her cook.
She was going to make chocolate chip pancakes and sausage, with OJ and coffee. It sounded good to me. In making the batter, she had me mix the dry ingredients first and then add in the wet. As I was stirring the batter she whipped some egg whites until they made stiff peaks. I was then relieved of batter duty as she took the bowl and mixed the egg into the batter.
My next job was the sausage, as she was finishing up the prep work for the pancakes. The skillet was hot when I threw the slices of sausage on. The smell was wonderful. Merri and Becca all but stumbled downstairs like co-ed zombies in nightgowns. Neither were particularly morning people. I poured mugs of the coffee, making them just the way each liked theirs. I figured the murmurs they made were thanks.
The food was ready quick and after some powdered sugar and homemade chocolate sauce, everything was ready to go. The food was incredible and I felt some sense of ownership over them. They were mine in a way a lot of food hadn’t been. I mean, are you really going to claim ownership over Ramen noodles? I had learned some tips helping Mom and that was almost as good as the food.
After a short while, when the plates had been licked clean, we sprawled in the living room. We had some spotted puppy syndrome, lying drowsy from all the food we had eaten. Becca smiled, “Hey, wanna watch a movie?”
I groaned, wondering what foreign film she wanted to subject us to but Meredith sounded excited, as if a film was a great idea. I didn’t need subtitles this early in the morning. I mean, they day had been going so well.
“I have the perfect film.” announced Becca, and she bounded upstairs. Bounding was way too vigorous for this time of day or after gorging on the chocolate chip pancakes of tastiness.
Becca kept the case hidden as she got to the DVD player. She had the screen off and she watched the numbers as it played through the trailers. When it looked like the movie itself had started she turned on the TV. The film was D.E.B.S., a silly lesbian schoolgirl twisted spy love story. It was awesome. The women in it were so cute and the girl that played Lucy Diamond was totally hot.
We chuckled our way through the movie. Its hard to feel sad when that film is playing. I couldn’t stop smiling afterwards. The film almost made me want to go to art school in Barcelona; that is if I actually knew how to do anything other than make stick figures.
“So what do you want to do? Lounge poolside, go shopping, what? What is there to do in this town?” asked Meredith.
“Oh, there’s loads of things to do here. What would you like to do Caitlin?” Becca said as she passed the buck on to me.
I sat there, running things through my head. What would really calm me down, make me feel less stressed? After going through everything in town I realized that the woods by the river, with all of the willow trees, would do it. I informed them of my decision. Becca seemed pleased.
Getting dressed for this was easy. We all wore our bikinis under shorts and t-shirts, as the river was nice to play in, and it was right by the spot I had in mind. We said bye to Becca’s mom and headed off to the river. This particular stretch of the river wasn’t as crowded as the others, since there was a short hike to get there and parking wasn’t easy. It was however quiet and lovely and meant a lot to me. My father had shown me the site when I was in middle school. I lost my virginity there in my junior year with Patty Michaelson. I had come here when my dad had died. It was an important spot for me.
It was quiet when we reached the small clearing. There was a little bit of trash scattered about, but not like at either of the more popular spots both up and down the river. We spread out the picnic blanket out and set down the basket of goodies that Becca’s mom had made. I was already looking forward to lunch.
I lay against the trunk of my favorite tree and sighed. It felt like I had really come home. After some quiet time I opened my eyes. Becca was reading some Gary Snyder poetry, which I guess made sense. Meredith was watching the river as she was sitting near me, a quiet companion. Her voice sounded odd as it broke the quiet. “Caitlin, why did you do this? Honestly. I’ve been wondering because you seem like a stand up guy and not all that into girly things.”
I thought about it a moment, organizing my thoughts. “Well, it is driven by my wanting things to be equal. Its just something I got into because of my dad. He had always tried to be accepting and fair, not caring about any of the issues like race, religion or sexuality. He always said ‘people are just people. We all pee, poop and want to be happy. It just makes sense to accept them as they are’. I loved him so much. He was my hero.
“So, after he died, I got a bit more ardent about the issue. I went after a few groups, doing what I could to get all people treated like people. When I got ready for college, I decided that the Greek system seemed unfair. So I decided to do what I did. I asked for information, got it and got everything ready. I really, really hadn’t expected you all to say yes. But once you said yes, I felt like I needed to join and fulfill my part of things.
Meredith nodded through that, following what I was saying. “How did you happen to choose our House?”
“Purely by chance. I just chose at random.” I admitted a little embarrassed.
Meredith smiled at this and chuckled. “You know…any other House would have walked into your plan. Just your luck to choose the crazy House for your little fight for justice.”
“I know. I know. Right after seeing the other Houses, I realized that. Too little too late.”
“Do you regret standing by your word and doing this?” I could tell that Merri was nervous about the answer.
“Sometimes. Overall, it has been really strange and interesting. Sometime, however, I just want to scream.” It was warm so I took off my T-shirt and used it to keep my back from getting scratched by the tree. “I kinda like it, kinda freaked by it.”
Meredith nodded thoughtfully, her hair bouncing a little in the movement. “You know, there are a lot of girls waiting for you to fail. They were the ones who wanted to keep you training for hours upon hours. They kept talking to Sandra, telling her things that were true, but they put a spin on tem to make you look bad. They won’t break their word as Sisters, but they really would rather you left.”
I nodded. It figured. No group could really be that unified in something like this. I guess they were hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself. “You know…that does make sense. Thanks for letting me know.”
She looked a bit confused at that. “I love you. Why wouldn’t I tell you?”
“I kind of figured it might be a secret House thing is all.” I knew she loved me, thought I still had trouble figuring out why.
“Nah, it’s nothing like that. I just don’t want you thinking that all the girls have your best interest at heart. Some of them would definitely find a way to make your life more difficult rather than less. So…you kinda like it?” she asked coyly.
I blushed as I admitted, “Yeah. I like how I’m treated as Caitlin. Normally, people act like I’m invisible. This is just so amazingly different. I think part of things is culture shock. Women seem to live in a very different world. You can touch, show emotion, compassion, joy. You can get excited about anything at all. Guys tend to be tough, act all aloof, superior like nothing fazes them. Well, okay, that’s just a lot of the guys here. But being Caitlin has been different and shown me a different world. I’m not sure I can describe it.”
“You want to keep going? See what happens?” asked Becca, looking up from her book.
“I…I think I do. I’m just really scared of losing myself. I mean, am I Richard or Caitlin? I don’t know anymore.”
Meredith took hold of me, pulling me to her lap. I didn’t fight. She ran a hand through my hair, which felt nice. “You can be whoever you want to be. Richard or Caitlin, with or without breasts, there’s something about you that’s special. So I want you to be happy in any way that is necessary.”
The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. I lost myself in it, wishing that this moment would last forever. It didn’t but it made me feel lighter in my body, as if I could float. I also felt feminine and delicate and needed, all from the power of a kiss. I just sank into the feeling and drifted away. I could stand to feel like this forever. I looked up at her and smiled, reaching up with one hand to brush hair from her face. “Thank you for that. It helps. I mean, I just feel so unsure.”
“If it’s any consolation, I have never seen you look happier, not since your dad died. I’m sure part of that’s Meredith, but part of it has to be something else.” added Becca.
I nodded. “Just as long as I don’t lose myself I can deal with this. That’s the one thing I worry about.”
A loud gurgle right by me ear preceded Meredith asking, “Want to eat?”
My stomach gurgled as well, which made the others laugh. Food did sound good and I did want to see what goodies we had in the picnic basket.
There was a jug of tea inside, some quiche and finger sandwiches, including cucumber sandwiches which I loved. It looked and smelled good. I sat up and we got everything out and ready.
We ate and made jokes about D.E.B.S. and other films. I almost snorted tea out my nose when Merri did an Arnold impression. Afterwards, we played in the river, splashing each other and just enjoying the spot. The sunlight played through the trees as we all ended up lying on the blanket, enjoying the warmth and the sound of the wind in the leaves.
After a while it was time to head back to the house. We cleaned up our stuff and the little bit of other trash and packed everything out. We stopped at a nearby gas station to fill up the tank and use the bathroom. I was pumping the gas while the other two sped off to pee. I needed to go, but not that badly. Besides I wasn’t all that fond of public restrooms.
I had cleaned up my car and was doing the windows when a black Camero pulled up at the pump on the other side. I wasn’t really paying attention since I was singing a song in my head and sort of dancing along with it. When I returned the squeegee I realized that the driver of the other car was staring at me. It made me begin to feel uncomfortable. I got a better look at the driver and realized it was Brad Thompson. I had graduated with him. Oh crap!
Before my panic got worse and I peed myself in fear, the other girls bounded up. “Hey Caitlin, we got you a Sobe.”
I turned to face them, glad to be looking elsewhere. This could have been bad. I was saved now. But it got worse.
“Rebecca, how’s it going?”
Becca started a bit, having not noticed him, and then smiled at Brad. “Hey Brad, pretty good. What’s up?”
“Not too much. I’m taking a semester off to make some money. Going to do some construction. Who’re your friends?” He asked, definitely giving Merri and I both the once over.
“This is Meredith and Caitlin, friends I met at college.”
We both smiled Hi. My mouth was dry and the Sobe I opened helped. It was something else to do besides panic. I kept thinking ‘Leave, leave, leave’ hoping I had developed psychic powers in the last few minutes.
“Cool. Pleased to meet you. Oh…hey. If you guys are here tomorrow you totally need to come to the party that Trevor is throwing. Its gonna be fun.” Brad looked like an eager and helpful puppy. I immediately changed to message to ‘No, no, no’.
“Sounds good. We may see you there.” With that we all got into the car. Unfortunately that wasn’t the end.
“Hey, isn’t that Richard’s car? Is he here?” Well, yes I was there and you have been staring at my breasts, but there was no way in hell that I was going to let him know that.
“I borrowed his car, as mine’s in the shop. Apparently he’s up to his old tricks again and is working on something. Well, see you.”
We drove off and I was so scared. Had he recognized me? We had been in three classes together last year so that was possible. Or worse, had he been hitting on me? Ewww…!
Meredith looked behind us and then turned back. “He’s kind of cute.”
I looked over at her, incredulous. I was trying to slow down my breathing, to keep from having another panic attack and all she could comment on was Brad being cute?
“It’s okay Caitlin. Really. He had no clue about you.” helpfully supplied Becca. “And tomorrow we’re going over to your Mom’s, so don’t worry.”
I tried not to worry about this, but I wasn’t sure how well that worked. Thankfully the closer we got to home the more I could manage to relax. When we got there I rushed off to the bathroom while the other two carried in the picnic things. Afterwards, I went upstairs, changed out of my semi-wet bikini and into something dry and comfy. I flopped onto the bed and sighed at the ceiling. I needed a break and this trip felt like the best way to achieve that. It just wasn’t going all that well in some ways. I snuggled into the bed, closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
I found myself in a building I didn’t know standing before a couple of doors. They were both plain and had something written on them, which I couldn’t read. I knew I had to choose a door. If I didn’t choose a door something bad would come and get me. I was scared and looking from door to door trying to figure out which I needed to choose. There were two doors, just two doors and I couldn’t tell a difference.
I could hear the thing getting closer, the heavy tred of its footsteps, the ragged breathing. I needed to choose but I couldn’t. What were the doors? I needed to know. I started crying in frustration and fear. It still grew closer.
I turned behind and looked through the archway, into the darkness, trying to see how close the thing was. The chuckle it made was deep and evil. What could I do? I had to choose a door, find some way out of this madness.
When I turned back there was a third door, different from the others. That was enough for me. I threw open the door and rushed inside, hearing the creature shuffle quickly behind me. I slammed it shut and felt it’s weight slam against it. The wood groaned and I could hear claws scrabbling on the wood. I ran down the hall, desperate to get away.
I started awake. I was tangled in the sheets and I was still scared. I glanced around quickly, searching the shadows for something. Then I heard a voice, “Caitlin! You need to get up. Dinner’s almost ready.”
I shook as I made it to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and tried to wash the sleep from me. It helped but I was still shaky. The dream was fading, becoming less distinct the more I woke up. Something told me I didn’t need to worry about remembering it, as it might be better to simply forget.
Dinner was great. Becca’s mom was a hell of a cook. She needed her own show on Food Network. It would be great. Afterwards, we three girls cleaned up, doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. It was nice just to be with them.
“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” asked Meredith.
“Going shopping with my mom.” I replied. “I’m a little worried, as seeing her and I together might just make people realize that it’s me.”
Merri hugged me. “Don’t worry sweetie. I’ll protect you.”
She kissed me on the cheek. I put my hand there, as if I could hold it to me. I knew she would protect me. “I love you Meredith.”
“I love you too, Caitlin.”
Once again the coffee was incredible. I so loved her, as she could make about anything turn out to be tasty, probably even mud. I was wondering about what happy goodness we would be having for breakfast as I walked out into the backyard. I stood there looking at the garden with a faint smile, life was good.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 6
Once again the coffee was incredible. I so loved her, as she could make about anything turn out to be tasty, probably even mud. I was wondering about what happy goodness we would be having for breakfast as I walked out into the backyard. I stood there looking at the garden with a faint smile, life was good.
“Well, don’t you look lovely.”
I turned and there was mom, sitting with Becca’s mother. I smiled broadly and rushed over there. I gave her a hug. “Thanks mom.”
“You’re welcome. I must admit I never figured my son would ever look quite like this…ever.”
“I think it must be the fact that the House has been working on me for almost a month now. It’s been like immersion learning. They have crammed so much into my head; I think some of it is starting to catch. I’m afraid of losing myself mom.” I wanted her to know what I was going through.
“So who is sitting in front of me right now?” she asked calmly, taking another sip.
I looked at her confused. “Uhm…me.”
“And if you are here, in front of me now, doesn’t that mean you are still you, with some changes?”
I blinked, processing that. It made sense. I was still here and I was still me, right? Changes. What she said was some changes. How could she take this so calmly? “I guess.”
“I am proud of you for doing this, but you really are an idiot, you know, just like your father.”
“Like dad?” Since when was he an idiot? And why was she saying it all affectionately?
“Yeah. Your father always thought he could out think everyone and people knew that. It was easy to use that against him, in fact that’s how I got your father; by making him think he was outsmarting me.” She looked sad for a moment. “Any way, what you are doing is interesting and I hope you keep going. You can learn a lot of things you would have never been exposed to. That can certainly help you in fighting for equality.”
“Well, that’s true I guess. And I have made a lot of friends, more than I ever made here.”
“Then keep going and know that I support you, boy or girl.” I got up and we hugged again. I loved my mom. “So, what do you want to do today?”
“I have no idea. Merri mentioned the possibility of going shopping and that might be fun?”
“You? Shopping? On purpose?” My mother started giggling, as if what I had to say really amused her inside but not enough for her to laugh totally out loud. I hadn’t been that bad, had I?
“Yes mom, on purpose. Sheesh, some people.” I acted affronted but I really wasn’t. We liked to tease each other and it seemed as if my change didn’t alter any of that.
Merri and Becca both came out onto the patio. Becca kissed her mom on the cheek and we all sat down. We looked out and enjoyed the scenery of the back yard. Mom finally said, “So, as soon as all of you lazy bums can get dressed and ready, we can head out for some shopping. Sound fun?”
The two others looked over at me and smiled. What had I done now? I sighed, realizing that I really had given my life over to two utterly crazy women who were bent on having me experience every feminine thing possible. There was no escaping those two and now they had probably gotten my mother involved. They were insidious. I shook my head and finished my coffee. “I’ll take my shower and then you two can fight over it.”
Leaving them with my mother wasn’t the best option, but what other choice did I have. Besides, I had to pee.
The shower was soothing and I made sure that there weren’t any stray hairs, facial or otherwise. Once I was done I vacated the shower, to be passed by Becca on the way in. Looked like Merri could actually loose at something. It was an encouraging thought.
I got into the room and Merri was busy sorting out her clothes for the day and getting her shower stuff ready. I watched her as I moisturized myself. I really loved her. She had stuck with me through all of this in a way that was totally unexpected. She looked up from what she was doing, saw how I was looking at her and asked, “What?”
“Nothing. I just love you.”
“I love you too. Now get dressed. I am really looking forward to going shopping with you and your mom.”
I smiled and got dressed. I put on a skirt and a blouse that would be easy to get on and off, if we did any clothes shopping. I grabbed my stuff and headed downstairs just as Becca was coming out of the bathroom. Merri slipped in there quickly, before all the steam left. I wondered if there would be enough hot water for her.
Soon, after some tasty spinach and feta omelets, the four of us were headed out towards the mall. It wasn’t the greatest mall in the world but it was nice. The mall at school was better than this one, but the plan was to spend the day with mom, so I really didn’t care what was there. Just driving around town would have been good enough for me.
Once we found a parking space we headed inside, out of the heat and into the heart of the commercial world. Our first stop was Dillards, where my mom was interested in buying me some shoes. I already had six pair so I didn’t see the need, but the other two thought this was a good idea. Just how many pairs of shoes did I need?
As soon as we got to the shoe department the three of them hustled about looking for shoes for me. I looked at a display table and saw a few pairs that were really cute and looked comfortable. I grabbed those and found a seat for trying shoes on. An attendant came over and I handed her the two shoes I had found as well as telling her my shoe size.
While she was gone the others came over with another couple of pairs each. I sighed, especially at the heels that both Merri and Becca had grabbed. I really didn’t want to try those, but I new better than to argue with anyone over this by now. So long as I didn’t fall and hurt my ankle I should be fine. Or would hurting my ankle be in my favor? I wasn’t sure, so I better not take the chance. With my luck I would actually break my ankle.
The girls liked my choice of shoes and only one of them was really comfortable. We left there with a bag with 3 pairs of shoes, one of the ones I picked and two pairs of heels. I felt put upon. However, after we left Dillards and having bought several dresses my mom thought looked cute on me we stopped at the jewelry store.
“You know, every girl usually gets something from their mother a few times when growing up. So let me fix that now.” She bought me a pair of diamond earrings, a beautiful diamond necklace and a ring. I was overcome. She was really trying to make sure I felt loved and accepted by her. I felt so good I almost cried. I certainly teared up.
By then it was around lunch time and all the shopping had made me hungry. The Mall had a Ruby Tuesday, so we went in for the salad bar. I was pretty much okay with the way my diet had changed, partially because I was partial to vegetables and partially because I liked what I had been eating so far. I only hoped we got back to the House before Thai night. I could eat that Pad Thai all night long.
While we were there I heard a familiar voice call out, “Becca!”
We turned and Brad Thompson was heading over. Crap. With my mom here it might be easier for him to figure this out. Like I needed this crap. “Hey Becca, you guys coming to Trevor’s party?”
“Not sure. We were talking about heading back after shopping. I wanted them to both meet Richard’s mom.” replied Becca, as if it were the absolute truth.
“No, you all gotta come. Everyone will be stoked to see you.” Brad was obviously excited about the process and was he looking down my cleavage?
“We’ll see. Take care and enjoy your lunch.” Brad waved and headed off. I was blushing from the realization that he had been looking at my chest and sort of leering at me. I felt dirty, as if I had been dipped in oil.
We finished up and headed out of the place. My mom took us straight home, which it seemed as if the others understood. “Should we head home tonight?”
“Caitlin, it’ll be fine. We’ll stay home, watch some TV or a movie and swim some. There is no way we are going to one of Trevor’s parties. He doesn’t have the best reputation amongst the girls.” said Becca.
“Why?” asked Meredith, sitting forward in her seat.
“He got accused of rape once when he was a sophomore in High School. Not enough evidence was found so they had to drop the case.”
“I remember that. I didn’t realize that it could have some truth to it.” I replied, thinking back over things. “I do remember that it destroyed his social life though.”
“Yeah. So I wouldn’t go there anyway. So, don’t worry.”
“That’s right dear; we can have a good meal and just have family time. Besides, Becca’s mom has been planning a special meal, so there really wouldn’t be a reason to leave, now would there?” My mom said, making the case to stay even more compelling.
“Okay. Then I have no problem with staying, my stomach agrees whole bellily.” That last bit sounded better in my head than it did out loud. Becca just shook her head.
There was a quick fashion show after we got back, to show off the two dresses. I felt a bit out of place having been the only one who bought anything but no one else had really been doing more than looking. Mom wanted to take care of me, so I was certainly okay with that.
Afterwards, as I was undressing and getting out of my dress, I realized that my mom had spent a great deal of money on me, mostly in that jewelry. She was trying to make sure I knew she cared. That realization made me feel like crap for not having caller her earlier, when all of this started, to explain what was going on. Having her support would probably have made things a hell of a lot less stressful on me. I sat heavily onto the bed and hung my head. I was an idiot.
Not that this was anything new, since the House had certainly shown how much on an idiot I was when they turned things around on me. I really hoped that my not telling her hadn’t hurt her. I could only hope. I had to come up with something nice to do for her to make up for her having an idiot son, daughter, child. Maybe the others could help me. I had to make sure my mom knew just how much I appreciated her and loved her.
Caitlin spends the night with her mother and they discuss the situation Richard had walked into. Would this help or hurt Caitlin's ability to simply be herself?
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 7
The meal was fantastic, as expected. The veal was tender and tasty and the mix of vegetables was…there were no words for how good this meal really was. I had told Becca’s mom several times that she needed to start a restaurant, but she just laughed and went on with what she had been doing. But I guess that meant there would be more for me.
Afterwards I was going home, to spend the night with my mom. I would to be apart from Meredith, which would be different; as we had been together everyday since this whole madness began. It would be a change of pace, and my mother and I could actually talk. I knew she really wanted me to do some explaining and I was a bit worried about that. What could I say that could really explain this?
After dessert, I kissed Merri goodnight and headed out to mom’s car with my overnight bag. I buckled in and we drove away, waving at my friends who had come out to watch me go. I smiled and felt happy to have two such good friends, with bonus points for one of them being my lover. I certainly liked that.
The drive was quiet for a bit, almost as if we were both getting used to being around each other again. It was nice being with her, but I was getting a little nervous as well. I mean, my Mom had been a good sport so far, but there was no reason that she wouldn’t freak out on me over this. I mean, I freaked, why shouldn’t she?
I swallowed hard and began things. Might as well get the worst of this over. “So mom, how was your day?”
“Not too bad. I really enjoyed shopping with you girls. It was enjoyable and I approve of Meredith. She’s a bit unconventional, but that’s not necessarily bad.”
“I’m glad you like her. She’s awesome and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her. True, she did all this to me, but she is a wonderful person and I am stunned by the fact that she agreed to be my girlfriend.” I really was very proud of Meredith and the fact that we were dating in a kind of pseudo-stealth fashion.
“She is nice. And very interesting. She knows a lot of stuff about movies and theater. That was a pleasant conversation she and I had. Plus Becca seems to like her, which is a bonus as well. I always knew that she had a better head on her shoulders than you did. You were the dreamer and she was the planner.” explained Mom.
“I plan.” I replied indignantly.
“I know you do, sweetie, but Becca remembers the practical portions of things. Did you even consider things past asking to join the Sorority? Like if the said yes? Or what they would do if they said yes?” asked my mother insistently.
“I didn’t think about that. I was more focused on what they were going to say and how to use that. I never really expected that they would say yes. And I especially never thought that they wouldn’t make me dress like this. I feel weird and I think, I think I kind of like this.” I admitted.
“Like what, the dressing or the attention you have been getting because of it?”
“I guess both. The clothes don’t bother me too much, once the initial freak out occurs, like the first time I wore a bikini, but they are nice, and softer by and large than guy’s clothes. It’s weird. Then there is the fact that I have a group of people who like me. I like it and I don’t want to loose these people who are trying to be my friends.”
“Even if it means you have to go to school dressed like this?” prodded my mother.
“I don’t know. I mean a part of me wants to just quit and never go back, maybe even drop out of school until I find somewhere else to go. But then there is the fact that I like the girls of my Sorority and the traditions of the House are pretty cool. I guess I have no real answer to that right now.” I stared out the window and realized that we were almost at our house.
It was much more modest than Becca’s family’s, as we hadn’t really changed our buying/ living habits once we ended up with the money. It felt wrong to benefit so much from dad’s death so we kept things simple, well, at least until this whole crazy thing happened. Since then I have been spending more than usual.
Mom pulled into the garage and we got out as the door was closing behind us. As we entered into the kitchen my mom said. “Well, maybe you need to think about that instead of just going along. From what I’ve heard, you have been having a difficult time of things and had a really bad panic attack. Maybe a resolution is what you need?”
I thought about that as I took my bag of stuff and headed up to my room while my mother was futzing around in the kitchen. Once I walked in I was struck with how much I had changed. There were no posters of guys or of faeries or horses or anything like that. I had posters of bands and sports teams. It was definitely a guy’s room. And as I looked around, smiling at my stuff I realized that this didn’t feel right for some reason. I almost felt as if I didn’t belong here.
It hadn’t been all that long, so why should I feel like that? Was I becoming a girl, despite the fact that I wasn’t planning on being a girl? Could a month really change me that month? I didn’t know, but once I set my bag down I left the room and headed back downstairs.
Mom was making some tea. She had a mug for me and I thanked her. The two of us curled up on the couch and sipped the hot beverage that she had sweetened with honey. “You really are a beautiful woman.”
I blushed and turned away a little. “Thank you mom.”
“I had wished for a daughter but had never expected my son to become her. I kind of like it as well.”
I kept blushing, not having a clue as to what to say in response to that. I mean, what do you say to that?
“I am worried about you though.”
I looked up, a bit surprised. “Why?”
“Well, if you get found out bad things could happen. I know that the girl’s said they would protect you, but at times it doesn’t help.” Her worry was obvious in her voice. I hated making my mother feel like this.
“I could just stop you know. Just go back to being me?”
She shook her head softly. “I don’t want you to. You seem to be happier than before and you have more friends. That worried me but now you seem blessed by this situation. I don’t understand why but it seems to be doing some good for you. Maybe you should stay?”
I was a bit shocked. My mother thought this crazy situation was a good idea? “You want me to be a girl, until I graduate?”
“Is it really a bad thing to spend four years as one? From what I got from Becca and Meredith, the Sorority will help you with classes, with socializing and provide you a source of support you can actually depend on in a crisis. Dorm’s don’t provide that. I know you don’t really get out and meet people often, and people are where the safety net comes from. I think I might be more worried for you if you didn’t do this.” My mom ran her hand through my hair, smiling softly as if something was running through her mind.
I sat there quietly, enjoying the feel of my mom’s fingers. I guess I could do this for four years. I had decided that earlier and even with this other stuff I think I was okay with that decision. I mean, if girls could do this, surely I could. “I think I will try to do four years in the House. It should be fun and I am sure I will learn a lot doing so. I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”
The hug was nice. “I will always be there to support you dear, either as Richard or Caitlin. I am proud of you. You have never disappointed me.”
She kissed the top of my head and let me go. “So Caitlin, want to watch something?”
I looked over to the DVD shelf and looked at things. Given how I felt and had been feeling I needed to watch Joe versus the Volcano. It was a dorky movie but it always made me feel good. Joe went from such a horrible life to one that was magical. Maybe I was doing the same thing here? I could only hope that I was so lucky.
We both laughed and cried through it, finding the ending funny. Man, I needed that luggage. With that, Meredith and I could go far from the things of man. That sounded like a good idea.
We headed our separate ways after the movie and I returned to my old room. I sat on the bed and looked around. Furniture wise it didn’t seem too male or too female. It was tidy and the only things that spoke of masculinity were the posters on the wall. Was I really so non-gendered that my room didn’t obviously scream guy except for minor decorations?
I shook my head. I really needed to stop thinking about things like this. I pulled out my nightgown and laid it on the bed. I then went over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of PJ’s, laying them out next to my nightgown. The two sat there, looking back at me. What the hell… I really had no idea what I was doing. Would choosing one negate the other? I liked the feel of my silk nightgown but my cotton pj’s were nice as well. I didn’t want to just sleep naked, as I wasn’t used to that.
Hell, this wasn’t a choice about my future, just a damn choice about tonight’s sleepwear. I grabbed the pj’s and put them back. Then I undressed and put on my nightgown. No need to get something else dirty. Then my mom would have to wash them and fold them and put them away, for what? One night of gender neutrality?
I climbed into bed and got my book out and read a little. Slowly I drifted off and fell asleep.
* * *
The shower was nice. My parents had insisted on having nice bathrooms when they got the house and the few improvements over the years had been lovely. I soaped up, mostly forgetting the curves that I had, thanks to Meredith and her stage magic. I was glad that I was so used to it that I didn’t get a hard on anymore. That had been embarrassing and I can’t believe that Gwen had caught me doing it. I blushed just thinking about it.
I got out, wrapped my towel around me and headed back to my room. The fresh smell of coffee filled the air. It was Becca’s fault that I liked coffee. She had given me some of her mom’s coffee, which she had mixed with some sugar in the raw and heavy cream. I about had a food-gasm right there. Since then I loved the stuff. It smelled like my mom had put on a put of tasty coffee.
I hustled into my room and got dressed. After I tucked I pulled on some denim shorts. Then came the bra and the t-shirt I had grabbed. It had a picture of a faerie on it, but it was cute and I looked cute in it as well, so who cared what other people thought.
I skipped downstairs and called out. “Morning mom!”
She was sitting in the kitchen, in the little breakfast nook. “Morning dear. You certainly look cute.”
“Thanks mom.” I poured my coffee and took care of the cream and sugar.
“Once you get all packed up I’ll take you over to Becca’s and you girls can head back to school.”
I nodded, hoping to wake up even more. I was sort of huddled over my cup. I was finding it difficult to get moving this morning.
“Oh, by the way, do you remember that party that you were going to go to?” It sounded like my mother was leading up to something.
“Yes…”
“It made the news.” She handed over the paper. I scanned the story and went wide eyed in horror. Several people had gotten caught with that date rape drug. That could have been me, or Becca or Merri. I looked up at my mother with fear in my eyes.
She took me up in her arms and held me tight. “Don’t worry so much sweetie. There are bad people in the world but I think both Meredith and Becca can help you learn what you need to in order to stay safe.”
I nodded, still shocked by the news. “I also wanted to let you know that I really approve of Meredith. She’s a good girl and I think you’re lucky to have her.”
At the thought of Meredith I smiled. Just thinking about her made me happy. Once I finished my coffee and a English muffin with butter and honey, we headed back.
The other girls were waiting for me, the car already loaded. I put my bag in the trunk and then the hugs began. We all had to hug Becca’s mom and mine. They both held me longer than they had the others. It felt good and helped me to relax. Maybe I could handle this, after all both my moms were okay with this.
The hugging over the three of us got in the car and pulled out of the driveway, waving at the mothers. Once they were out of view, Becca cranked up the CD player. For a while we sort of danced in our seats to Dave Matthews. It was nice.
“So, was it a good trip overall?” asked Becca as she drove.
“It really was. Thank you both. I feel better, I really do. Knowing that I won’t loose anyone over this is reassuring.”
“So crisis over?” Meredith was in the backseat leaning forward, playing with my hair.
“For now. I am sure I will have more issues, but I think I can do this. And besides Rush week is over. Surely the rest of the year can’t be that stressed.”
Becca and Merri shared a look and I wondered what it was about. “Caitlin, first off you have school work to consider and added to that there are all the activities you will have to do as a pledge. It will be tough. We’ll be there though, so don’t worry.”
I nodded. “Well, if you two can’t keep me sane, who can?”
Caitlin returns home and tries to find a way to relax. It looks as if her Pledge Class isn't letting that happen.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 8
After dropping Becca off at her apartment, Merri and I headed back to the House. I was tired but I did feel better. The time with my mom had been wonderful and something I had really needed after all of this insanity. I had been almost normal, except for the breasts.
We made it back in time for lunch and after making it through the meal and plenty of thanks I headed up to the room I shared with Meredith. I sat down heavily on my bed and grabbed my bear, hugging him tightly. In just a short time my life had become utterly toppsy turvey and it was my fault. I had done this to myself and there really was no other way to look at it.
Why a Sorority? Why go after something like that? I hadn’t thought about that earlier, preferring to just go with the idea rather than thinking it through. Inn a way I should have known that the girls would have changed the dress codes to make it more “feminine”. That was an obvious and easily allowable move. So why had I not even considered it. The whole things made me think that I wanted this to happen. Did I?
I couldn’t be sure, as I was certain I didn’t want anything like that but then again I wasn’t certain I didn’t. The same damn questions and doubts over and over, like a loop. So what did I know?
I knew that I wanted to give this a fair and honest shot, at least a semester. I knew that if I was okay with things that I would spend all four years here as Caitlin rather than Richard. I knew I preferred Cait to Dick any day of the week. I knew that while I wasn’t overly pleased with the clothes I could live with them. I knew that I loved Meredith and would probably have never met her without this stupid stunt. I knew that I could do this, even though the dating guys thing was bothersome. I knew I enjoyed kissing Paul, in a way I really didn’t want to further explore. I knew that I liked the girls of the House and my fellow Pledges. I knew I could do this, it just that part of me wasn’t sure I really wanted to do this.
I felt like a dog biting it’s own tail.
I sat there, hugging my knees to me, aware that this was a very feminine position. They really had done a number to me already. I wasn’t sure what to do so I just sat there.
A knock brought me out of my revere. I looked up and Sarah was looking in at me. “Caitlin, I just came in to check up on you.”
I waved her in. She had her medic’s bag with her and was smiling. “Well, you don’t look worse for well. I take it your trip was restful?”
“Yeah it was. A few moments of excitement but nothing like Rush week.”
Sarah took my hand and checked my pulse, watching her watch. “Well, your pulse seems fine. Do you still have any weakness?”
“No. I’m just a bit tired, but that’s nothing new. I haven’t really been sleeping well since this whole thing started.”
She seemed to be considering this then asked, “Did you used to sleep on your stomach?”
“Hunh? I mean, some, why?” That confused me. Why the hell would that have to do with my ability to sleep?
Sarah closed the door and sat down on the bed. “Since you have breasts now you won’t really be able to sleep on your chest. The pressure can keep you from really resting. It’ll take a while to get used to sleeping differently, but you can do it. Try some Melatonin until you get used to sleeping on your back. It can help you sleep deeper and hopefully get more rest.”
I nodded. “Thanks. I’ll try that.”
“Good. Now, you just rest. There really is no need to overstress yourself out at this point. The semester’s young.”
“Thanks Sarah.”
“No problem. Take care.” I watched her leave. Could these damn breasts be getting in the way of my sleep? Just what I needed, more stupid breast tricks.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my day. Maybe I should go for a walk on campus and try to get a feel for the place, after all I had classes there really soon. Knowing your way around any place always struck me as important.
I headed out, taking my time on the walk, looking at all the buildings and marking down where some of my classes were held. The campus was huge but beautiful. The red brick and grey stone buildings were awesome and trees lined many of the paths. There were several gardens about with bright flowers and some of the walkways were lined with bushes. I really liked just the look of the school. Sure the reputation of the school was in its instructors, but the place looked conducive to education.
There were other students walking around enjoying the sights. I just lost myself in moving and enjoyed things. I felt kind of at peace with myself. It wasn’t anything world-shaking, just some time where no worries or fears filled my head, making me doubt everything I had done so far. It was just nice to get lost outside of my own thoughts and in sensation.
I wandered into the Library building and went in to wander the stacks. The main part of the building was nice but the stacks were huge. So large, as a matter of fact, that they had to have half levels. Being short paid off in not feeling claustrophobic by the densely packed books. I was still trying to figure out the pattern when I realized that it wasn’t Dewey Decimal. Crap. Did I have to learn a new method for organizing books?
I headed down to the information desk and saw that they had tours of the Library. That would help. I signed up for a tour tomorrow, so I could get back to the House and get some dinner, besides I think there was something I was supposed to do tonight. I couldn’t remember. I know there wasn’t anything official for the House, as Meredith would have reminded me.
I was a bit surprised when my cell phone rang. I got it out of my purse and answered. “Hello?”
“Caitlin?” The voice sounded familiar but I wasn’t sure who it was.
“Yes?”
“This is Alison.” I was surprised. I didn’t know that she even had my number. “Can you head over to the student union building right now? The rest of the pledge group is here and we’re having a meeting.”
Okay. I’ll head on over. Give me about five minutes.” I hustled over to the student union building, which was near the library. That certainly helped things.
When I got there Alison was waiting there. She was wearing a black shirt with a smiling skull and crossbones on them and a black plaid mini skirt. I think I was starting to fall in love with the whole Goth look. “Hey there. We’re in the coffee shop.”
I followed her in and most everyone else was there. Dawn seemed to be in charge of things. She was so freaking hot that it distracted me. The last one to arrive was Brittany. “Sorry I’m late. I got held up at the Theatre.”
“No problem.” replied Dawn. “The reason I called us together is that I figured that we need to get to know each other a little.”
Esperanza said, “That makes sense. We are going to be around each other a lot.”
“So, what do we talk about?” asked Amy after she had a sip of her Iced Mocha.
Alison snickered. “Well, we can tell embarrassing stories?”
Devin blushed brightly. She obviously had thought of something. “Can we not do that?”
“We may have to, as part of the whole Pledge thing.” stated Dawn. “We also need to choose Pledge Class officers, which we will need to consider.”
Megan spoke up. “I can do Secretary, if that is a position. I know shorthand and I can write really fast.”
“Any ideas on ways to get to know each other better? I mean, it would make sense if we became friends.” Holly seemed to be thinking of something. “We could always have a slumber party. That would give us the time to find out who we all are.”
As everyone seemed to think this was a great idea, I started to panic. I could get caught and exposed. I felt like this group was diverse enough to accept me, but Nadia had said to not tell anyone. What the hell could I do? I knew I had the latex vagina I could wear, but this might be a common occurrence.
“We can all come over to my place tomorrow,” said Alison. “I have the room and that would let me have some time to clean things up.”
It was a plan. Tomorrow night would be me with these girls, alone, without Becca or Merri to protect me. I needed to talk to Meredith, to see if she had any ideas. I knew she said something about needing a female history but I never figured that I would need it so soon.
“Tomorrow it is.” stated Dawn. “We can order take out and have fun.”
The conversation broke up to smaller groups, talking across the table and such. It was a cacophony of voices and I could feel the world closing in on me. I took some deep breaths, trying to slow my breathing. I didn’t need another panic attack. Sarah would haul me into the hospital if I had another one, and then there would be even more questions. God I’m an idiot.
“Can everyone read it before tomorrow?” said Holly.
I was drawing a blank; however the bright color of Megan’s cheeks made me think that it had something to do with her Fanfic story. Everyone was saying sure and repeating the title. This could be fun and would certainly help me get to know Megan better. But, My Little Pony? I mean, who would write something like that? I guess I would find out.
The conversations wandered for a while, covering all sorts of topics. I really had little to add to anything involving dating or some of their other stories. I just sat there and soaked up everything, like I had when the House was trying to train me in the intricacies of being a girl. It really was the only way to learn.
People started to drift off after a while. I headed back to the House with Dawn and Megan. Megan had gotten over her blushing incident and was bouncy. We talked about classes and what we were hoping to do with our time at the school. I told Dawn I really wanted to see some of her sculpture. It was nice.
I called it an early night after dinner. Sleep would help me more at this point rather than thought. Besides, thought had gotten me into more trouble lately than out. Worrying about tomorrow night would make no difference in what would happen. I changed into my nightgown, crawled under the sheets and tried to drift off to sleep.
Sleep was long in coming, with my mind rolling things over and trying to build the history that Meredith had mentioned. I had to admit that it was odd trying to figure out when I would have started my periods, when I wasn’t biologically equipped. I figured being a late starter would be more in keeping with things.
I was still awake when Meredith got in. “Hey there sweetie, are you okay?”
“Just a bit stressed and worried about tomorrow night.”
“Caitlin, don’t stress. Things will be fine and no one will figure out anything. Now get to sleep.” She kissed me on the forehead and started to undress.
I watched as she took off her clothes, enjoying the sight of her naked body. Merri was beautiful and that made me happy. She pulled on her PJ’s and crawled into bed behind me. Her arms around me helped me to slow my thinking down and finally get to sleep.
Caitlin is nervous about getting found out at the slumber party. She talks it over with Meredith and Rebecca, finally finding a way to better understand herself. But does she have it down enough in time for the party?
Here is a special chapter, since I am going on vacation starting Saturday. I hope you all enjoy it.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 9
She woke me with a kiss. “Morning Sleeping Beauty.”
I opened my eyes and smiled up at her. “Hey there.”
Meredith bent down and kissed me on the nose. It tickled just a little. “Come on. If we hurry we can get downstairs for breakfast before all the fresh bagels are snatched up.”
I rubbed my eyes, trying to rub all the sleep out of them. I had managed to sleep well, though I did sort of remember my dreams. What I remembered was that I had been a girl in them. That was different enough that I had managed to hold on to that fact. It’s not like I had dreamed about being a girl before all of this, so this certainly was a new development.
Telling Merri may or may not be a good plan, so I didn’t. Maybe I could talk to Becca and get her two cents on the matter? She had heard a lot of my dreams and stuff, so it kind of made sense. Besides, she just might be able to help me remember that I wasn’t crazy, despite everything.
The bagels were very fresh and I happily munched away at my everything bagel. It had a good layer of cream cheese and was mighty tasty. Afterwards Meredith sort of dragged me to the room. She was smiling that smile that usually meant that I was in some sort of trouble. It was the same smile she had when I had been told of my transformation. It made me nervous.
She made sure to lock the door and to turn on some music before starting. “Okay, so you need to be ready for tonight. We just need to get your vagina attached and pick the right nighty for you and all will be well. I will really work to make sure there is no way for you to get discovered. Now if there are any other questions I will happily answer them.”
“So…are there usually pillow fights at these things?” I was nervous, as that might cause a situation for which I wouldn’t have a decent response. What I didn’t expect was what I got.
Merri started laughing, loud. She doubled over in mirth, tears coming from her eyes. I got embarrassed, knowing that somehow this was my doing. What was wrong with a perfectly simple question?
When she stopped laughing, taking gasps of air, she looked up at me and smiled. “You are so cute.”
“Hunh?” I couldn’t follow how that statement followed from what I had said earlier. What the hell was she talking about?
“Of all the things you could have said, you went with the most stereotypically male question. That was just funny.” replied Meredith, as she wiped the tears from her face.
“Merri, I am a male.” I hissed out, making sure to keep my voice down.
“Really?” Her arched eyebrow was question enough.
“I can untuck and show you if you want?” I was starting to get a bit irritated. Her implications were pissing me off.
“Caitlin, think of what you agreed to do? Now, how many guys do you think would have agreed to this, let alone have lasted this long? You may have been born with a penis but how does that make you a man?” The question and implications stung.
I stood there glowering at her, growing angrier. “I am a man. I am doing this because I have given my word. I know that this isn’t what most men would do, but then again I am not like most men.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You are not male in so many ways that it isn’t funny. And you’re not overly female either. You go both ways, kind of like you’re the bisexual of gender or something.”
I stood staring at her like she was crazy. The bisexual of gender? What the hell did that mean? “I am just being true to myself, but I am a guy.”
“If you say so. That part doesn’t matter to me. I love you for you, not for your gender. I just think you are neither one nor the other, that’s all.” She seemed a bit subdued when she said that.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that this gender thing is making me schizophrenic. Some days I don’t know who I am.” I apologized, wanting to smooth things over.
Meredith bit her lip and looked up at me with worried eyes. “I know how you feel. Until I realized that it was okay to like both boys and girls, I felt really similar. Maybe you are kind of the bisexual of gender, able to be both? I mean, doesn’t that at least sound like a possibility?”
“So if someone asks I tell them I’m bigenderal?” After a few moments of silence we both started snickering. Meredith came over and gave me a hug, kissing me on the cheek.
The tension was broken, replaced by light humor. Bigenderal? I think I could live with that. Better than schizo.
Still chuckling, Meredith continued, “There might be pillow fights, but not in the way you might be thinking. They’re fun but certainly not a prelude to a sleepover orgy. If they are, then I have been to all the wrong parties. Don’t tell me that you never had pillow fights at any of your sleepovers?”
“Well, at the few I have been to, we did.”
“Did any of those turn into orgies?” She asked reasonably.
“No.”
“Then don’t worry about that. Mostly there will be a lot of talking, maybe a few games, but that’s about it. Nothing too odd. Really. You don’t have to stress about this. Think of it as a final exam. You really get to go out in the world, be yourself and not have anyone nearby to hold your hand. It won’t be like Rush week, but these girls want to be your friend. Might as well just relax and try to become theirs.” When she was making sense it was tough to argue with her. Actually it was hard to argue with her anytime. I nodded accepting things.
I had a plenty of time before things started to just relax and think. I needed to do that as this whole situation was building of to possibly another panic attack. The more I thought about things the more I was coming to realize that I was the one getting in my own way over this whole thing. I had agreed to do this. I had agreed to make an honest go of things. Maybe that meant I needed to stop worrying about this and just let things go. Maybe Merri had something with the whole stupid bigenderal thing? If I was not really either, but some of able to use any of both to express myself, then perhaps I could stop flipping out over this.
But was it real? That was the crux of the situation. If this was real then I could actually use this to help myself out. If it wasn’t then it wouldn’t work and I would be back in the same situation as before. So which was it?
I had to admit that I wasn’t like other guys. I didn’t look like them and I didn’t have most any of the same interests. Most of the time I thought they were idiots. But did that make me any less male?
I also admitted that I do like the feel of some of the clothes I am wearing and that I sometimes feel pretty in them. I get along with most of the women of the House and my best friends a woman. But did that make me female?
This whole thing was stupid but my whole time here at this school revolved around this question and not if I could do my class work correctly. So I had better really come to a resolution on this issue rather than just let it slide. The question was, how could I tell one way or another?
I picked out my clothes for tomorrow, packing an overnight bag. I also put in my green night gown that Gwen and Meredith got me when this whole thing started. I liked it. The material was comfortable and it was nice to sleep in it. But was I a girl for liking it?
I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. This whole situation was dumb as hell. Maybe if I called Becca?
The phone rang three times before she picked up. “Hello?”
“Becca?”
“Caitlin?”
“Maybe. That seems to be a bit of a question.”
“What?”
I explained the situation, to her and the word that Meredith had come up with. “So do you think that might be the case here?”
The line was quiet and I could barely make out Becca’s breathing. “Becca?”
“I’m thinking. Give me a moment.” The line was once again silent. I fidgeted nervously. If she was taking this long to answer… “I think there might be something to that.”
“What?”
“Caitlin, one of the biggest reasons that you and I became friends is that you relate to me as both a guy and a girl. I mean, I have told you things that I would never have told any other guy. But you can turn around and give me a truly male opinion about things. Maybe you are this whatever?”
“Bigenderal?” I wasn’t sure if that was what she meant, but I thought it was. And could all that be true? Becca did know me better than anyone else. Maybe she had a better grasp of that then I did, because she wasn’t making herself biased. Was I biasing my thoughts on the matter?
“That’s the world. I’m not saying you’re a transsexual, but maybe you are a bit more changeable in your approach to gender. Like a buffet gender, a bit of this, a bit of that.”
“Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?”
“Shut up bitch. Look this whole thing is giving you a chance to play with your gender in a way that other people can’t. Women actually have more leeway in this than men, so you will be doing it in a safer format, than if you did it as Richard. Just be yourself and to hell with anything or anyone else. You do know that if the Sorority thing doesn’t work out that you can stay here?” Becca’s voiced softened at the end. I knew she cared for me as if I were her younger brother, sister, whatever. It meant a lot to me, just to know that.
“Thank you. Oh, I’m going to a Slumber party tonight with the other girls in the Pledge class.”
“You’re getting worried about it aren’t you?” She knew me so well.
“Yeah. I just don’t want to get caught.”
“Then relax. If you act tense or worried or something people will notice and try to figure out what you are hiding. That is never a good thing. Just be you. You know Alison, right? Then hang with her until you get to know the others. It’s not rocket science Richard.”
I nodded, ignoring my old name. “Okay. Thanks. This whole thing is so odd that I feel like I don’t have any solid footing beneath me.”
“Well, you have me and Merri, which is good. Gwen likes you as well and Alison might become a good friend. And as for the school, you are good at that stuff. I think a lot of the Sorority stuff will be similar. Freaking out doesn’t help you and makes you forget those you can lean on for support. Caitlin, you aren’t doing this alone. There are a lot of people there for you.”
I sighed, letting the tension flow out of me. Becca was making a lot of sense. I did have people who supported me and already had. Meredith had been ready to leave the House over me. This whole thing was nothing different.
I grabbed my stuff. I was ready to go. I hunted around until I found the corner where Meredith had gone to read. “Hey there. I’m ready to head off.”
“Crisis of Faith over?” she replied with a movie quote.
“You could say that. I need to go and get something for the party. I love you and I will miss you.”
“I’m going to see you tomorrow.” Merri quipped.
“Yeah, but I love sleeping with you. It’s nice.” I bent down and kissed her softly on the lips. She opened her mouth some and it turned into something with more passion, with her hand on the back of my neck.
When she let me go, she looked into my eyes. “I love you. Have fun.”
I was still in a bit of a daze from the kiss as I headed out to my car. I needed to head to a grocery store to grab something for the party. I had figured that some poppy seed muffins would be nice. Something breakfasty for the morning.
I was a bit nervous as I pulled up to the complex where Alison lived. Some of the other girls were there. Holly was obviously here, since one of the cars had a sticker that said ‘Climbers do it with rope’. The rainbow across the back window was obviously Megan. So people were there.
I sighed, letting my tension out again. This was just a night with people I liked. I would be okay. I grabbed my overnight back and the grocery bag and headed upstairs towards her corner apartment. I knocked on the door, waiting for this whole thing to start. I was Caitlin, currently a girl but sometimes a boy. This is who I am and I was okay with it.
The door opened and Alison smiled at me. Her black hair was in two pigtails and looked terribly cute. She bounded forward and hugged me. I could smell some alcohol on her breath. “Caitlin, welcome to my humble abode. Enter freely and of thine own will.”
I shook my head at her Dracula quote and headed inside, towards my first slumber party with nothing but girls. Despite everything I was a bit scared but I had given my word and this was all needed to stay in the House and to stay Caitlin. I put my bag down with the others and handed the muffins over to Holly, who passed me a drink. “Welcome to the Pledge Class Slumber Party!”
Caitlin is at the Slumber party and all the fun begins. The film is hard to watch but Truth or Dare is really making her nervous. Good thing she drank all of those fuzzy and hairy navels, hunh?
Back after my vacation to give you an extra long chapter. Enjoy
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 10
Caitlin took a sip from her drink. It was sweet and she could barely taste the alcohol in it. It was like peach and orange juice. I loved it.
Alison beamed at me, “So…like your fuzzy navel?”
I thought a minute, was my belly button fuzzy and why would she care? The confusion I felt was obvious to her, “The drink. It’s called a fuzzy navel. If we add vodka to it the drink it becomes a hairy navel. Got it?”
“In that case, I really like it.” Alison bounced some, which was adorable and unexpected.
“Want to come see my spiders?”
I froze. “Your what?”
“Spiders. I have a tarantula, Black Widow, and a Brown Recluse. I also have a Scorpion. They’re really neat. Wanna come see?” She seemed really enthusiastic about this and I was her friend.
Her bedroom was draped with black sheets with a black and red silky cover on the queen sized bed. The furniture was quite Victorian and a bit surprising. She led me over to a large fish tank with several smaller tanks that held her…pets. Each one had a different habitat; there was a mess of twigs for the Black Widow, the Recluse had a series of bark tunnels, the Emperor Scorpion had sand and a few shaded areas and the Tarantula had some dirt and some foliage. They were pretty cool but creepy.
“Are you sure they can’t get out?”
“Quite sure. I had a friend of mine figure out the system. It is based on the way zoos keep track of their insects. It really is quite safe. And if one got out they would be very obvious in the straight glass tank.”
I nodded, a bit unsure. They were nice to look at behind glass, but the thought of actual poisonous spiders being in the apartment was not comforting. But she liked them.
Also on the wall was some art. There were various paintings and two large pictures of Alison with two other gothy type people. They were not quite poster size but larger than your usual photos. When I got closer I could make out who she was with. One was a picture of her with Amy Lee, which was overwhelming and the other with her and Pauley Perrette, who was the hot goth forensics tech in NCIS. That was really cool. “You actually met both of them?”
“Yeah. I met Pauley at a con and we became friends, well ish…and I managed to get a backstage pass to a concert to see Amy. Neat Huh?” Alley was bouncing some. “I was so excited I could barely see straight both times.”
I had some more of my drink. It really was good. However, it looked like I needed another one.
The doorbell rang and Alison scampered off to answer it. I could hear the same spiel that I had got when I arrived. Holly handed me another drink as Devin and Amy walked in. Holly smiled. “So all we’re missing is Dawn. Great. Alison suggested starting with a movie and had something in mind. Is that okay with everyone?”
Holly seemed to be taking charge of things, which seemed to fit her personality. Must be the free climbing thing, making her a bit bolder. I also noticed that no one else was arguing with her over the whole leadership thing. I was fine with that as I wanted nothing to do with that.
All of us found seats in the living room. I took a pillow and leaned against the couch by where Megan had curled up. Everyone had Fuzzy Navels except for Thuriya and Esperanza, both sticking to non-doctored OJ instead due to religious reasons. It was nice that they weren’t making an issue of anyone else drinking.
Alley moved up to the front of the room. “Okay. I have the perfect film to start things off.”
Everything stopped when there was a knock at the door. Alley bounded over, her red and black plaid skirt flying up some. Unfortunately, there was no panty shot. I was kind of wondering what kind of panties she would be wearing.
After another round of her opening speech, Dawn came in bearing some sort of casserole dish. “Sorry I’m late. I was working on a project and I lost track of the time.”
“Don’t worry about it. Put your stuff down and come on over. Alison has a movie for us.” said Holly.
Dawn grabbed a fuzzy navel and found a spare beanbag to lounge in. Alley went back to the front and restarted, “Now where was I. Ah, yes the film. It took me hours to figure out the best film for us to start with. Something to set the mood for our whole pledge class, something to help us all become one big happy family.”
She stepped away and used her remote to turn on the TV and get the DVD started. She had obviously prepped the movie before anyone had gotten there as it went straight into the film. The opening music caused Megan to blush and curl up. It was an animated film that came on: My Little Pony: The Movie.
Everyone laughed and we watched the film. I have to admit it was cute, and some of the voice actors were really good. I even was able to figure out some of them, like Danny DeVito. It was 89 minutes of ponies and purple lava. After the initial embarrassment, Megan uncurled and got enraptured with the film. It was kind of cute. We kind of MST3K’d it, a lot, but it was fun and definitely showed Megan that we weren’t making fun of her.
After the film we all sort of shifted seats and got to where we could all see each other. Thuriya looked around, “Are we going out again tonight, or ordering anything?”
The confusion on people’s faces was clear. It looked like almost no one understood what she was asking, as if there could be another meaning trapped in there. Holly replied, “Not that I know of. Why?”
“I just wanted to make sure before I removed my hijab.” With that she removed the veil she had over her head. Her long black hair was beautiful. She shook her head to get her hair from being compressed in the scarf all day. “It is a modesty thing and if there is chance of anyone besides us being here I would prefer to remain covered.”
“Why do you wear that?” asked Amy, obviously interested and asking a question that was surely on everyone’s minds. I know I wanted to know.
“The hijab is for modesty. The Qur’an teaches that all Muslims should dress modestly and to not display themselves. The hijab and the way I dress is part of that modesty. At home, you can remove it, or sometimes around friends. It is a sign of trust.” replied Thufiya, as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t think I need to wear it around everyone here. We are all sisters, or at least we are becoming sisters.”
Everyone nodded. “Thanks Thuriya.” said Amy. “I had never had the opportunity to ask a Muslim about that.”
The Arabic girl shrugged. “Not a problem. I have no problem sharing aspects of my faith. I simply ask that no one disturb me when it comes time for prayer.”
Dawn looked confused. “Why would any of us do that?”
“Some people have. High School was a bit rough. I was called a terrorist and worse, so I can be a bit touchy about that.”
“Well, no one here thinks that, right?” stated Holly. Everyone nodded their agreement.
“Thank you for being so accepting.”
Amy kind of chuckled. “That’s the point of the House, to be accepting and supportive. All of us are that way or we wouldn’t have been accepted. Look at how different we are and think about all the other Houses. A lot of other Houses look like so similar that it is almost like a cloning factory. We are a pretty diverse bunch and several of us weren’t chosen by any of the other Houses because of our differences. Why shouldn’t we embrace the differences?”
Everyone stared at Amy, who had never really talked this much before. I had thought she was really shy or something, but apparently not. Devin was the first to speak, “Nicely said.”
“Definitely.” replied Brittany, sitting mostly still for a change. She had put her hair in pigtails after seeing the way Alleycat had her hair. It was cute. Maybe we all should have our hair in pigtails? That would be cute and kind of funny in a bonding sort of way.
“Uhm…everyone?” Why the hell was I talking? I didn’t want to become a focus of attention here.
Once everyone was looking my way I said, “I just had a pretty silly idea. Since Alison has her hair in pigtails and so does Brittany, maybe we should…”
Dawn and Holly both thought it was a great idea and Alley quickly grabbed bands for our hair. I was the first one done, as Alley brushed my hair and made the pigtails look nice. Several of the other girls did it on their own but the rest let Alley have her fun.
I turned my head back and forth, feeling the pigtails sway and gently hit me in the head. It was fun and everyone else seemed to enjoy it, based on the giggles and such from the assembled group. Once done Holly came around with the pitcher that held the Fuzzy Navels, so she could refill everyone. She had also grabbed just the OJ for Thuriya and Esperanza.
Things were getting a little fuzzy as I could feel the booze work on me. I was smiling more at nothing and was having a great time, even though we weren’t doing all that much.
“So, has everyone read one of Megan’s stories?” asked Holly, turning things to the purpose of the evening.
“Yep.” “Yes.” “Sure.” came the replies.
“Great. So what did everyone think about it?” stated Dawn, breaking into Holly’s flow.
Megan had buried her head. I could feel the heat from the blushing from where I was sitting. This could either be really good or really bad depending on what people thought of her story. I may not have liked the ponies but the writing was pretty good.
“I really liked it. I used to have a number of My Little Ponies and such. The story was almost like what I came up with as a kid.” said Esperanza.
A number of people agreed, talking about how much they had liked the story and how surprised they were for liking it. Megan pulled herself out of the couch cushions and smiled. “You guys really liked it?”
As people told her how much they liked it, she seemed to glow with happiness and blossom under the praise. Maybe she had some self-esteem issues to cope with? Either way she seemed to come out of her shell with this and really joined in on things.
The conversation about the story and the movie went on for a while. Holly then broke in, asking is anyone wanted pizza yet. She had done a great job, making there were food for both the vegetarians and Thuriya. “Okay, we have cheese, supreme, beef topping, Canadian bacon and pineapple and veggie supreme. Dig in.”
I got some of the Canadian bacon and pineapple as well as some of the veggie supreme. Every one else got food and a refill of fuzzy navels, oh excuse me, hairy navels. Apparently Alison and Holly decided we needed more booze in our booze. I still could barely tell that there was anything in there, as they had splurged for the really good OJ. In fact this round was made with the crack Valencia oranges. It was so good and made my world quite a bit fuzzier.
Alleycat had apparently added a pair of cat ears to her head at some point and called everyone’s attention to her. “Okay. The plan is to play truth or dare, as the truths will tell us a lot about each other. Is that okay?”
Everyone seemed to be okay with it except Thuriya and myself. I really didn’t want to get found out, but also didn’t want to cause a fuss which would turn everyone’s attention to me. I was stuck again. I guess I’ll just have to get used to getting trapped into these things. Holly started. “Okay, this empty bottle is the spinner we use. If the top points at you, then you are the one asked. Then you spin and so on. No dares that involve you going outside, as Thuriya would need to get her hijab back on and there is no reason for that. Here we go.”
The bottle spun and landed on Dawn. God she was hot. With the tank top and sorts on I just wanted a view of something, if only to fuel my fantasies. “Truth or dare?”
She smiled broadly. “Truth.”
“Do you prefer boys or girls?” Holly quirked an eyebrow when she said that. What was she up to?
“Yes.”
“What kind of answer is that?” remarked Devin.
“I’m bisexual, so I prefer both. I care more about the person I’m dating rather than what happens to be between their legs.” The smile Dawn gave was something out of an ad. It was wide and friendly and very disarming. Kind of a red carpet smile.
“Okay.” Everyone seemed to be digesting this as the bottle was spun again. It stopped at Alley.
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” Alley looked like an odd demented kitten when she said that. It was cute and disturbing and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
Dawn looked thoughtful for a moment and scanned the living room quickly. “I want you to sing your favorite song.”
“Okay. Can I use music for it?”
“Sure.” With that Alison headed for the stereo and fiddled with her MP3 player. She turned and smiled evilly. The music came on and Alison had grabbed a hair brush to use as a microphone. The song that came on was My Immortal by Evanescene. She was singing almost exactly like Amy Lee. Her voice was pretty good.
“When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears/ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/ And I held your hand through all of these years/ But you still have/ All of me.” Once the piano part finished we all erupted into applause. It was a bit unexpected but then again maybe not. I knew she was big into the band and probably sang along with them. Certainly better than I could sing.
The bottle spun again and stopped at me. I swallowed deeply. Alison smirked and said, “Well, which is it?”
“Uhm…truth?” I was afraid of anything that she would come up with for a dare but I wasn’t exactly comfortable with the truth either.
“What made you try for the Sorority?”
Crap! What the hell was I going to say here? The answer, the real answer would expose me. Of everything I had thought up for my history, this was one of the few things I had actually ignored. Fuck! I needed to say something. “Well, my dad was against groups that he thought were unfair. I figured that the whole Sorority thing was a big unfair organization, so I figured I would try and get in. I chose the House randomly and started getting a hold of them. When they said they would tentatively accept me I was blown away, as I had figured that I would never get into anything like this. I am just going with the flow. This was never supposed to happen.”
A number of people nodded, as if they understood. Thinking about my dad and everything he meant to me I started to tear up. Several of the girls who were around me hugged me or at least rested a hand on me. It was comforting in a way I had never experienced as a guy. I kind of liked it. It was much more of a connection to these people. When I collected myself I spun the bottle.
“Okay Esperanza, truth or dare?”
“True.” she replied confidently.
“Okay, what type of Buddhism do you practice?” I didn’t know. All I really knew was that there were several different types of Buddhism out there.
“I follow Tibetan Buddhism. My Lama lives in town, which is nice, so I can see him several times a week, as opposed to once a month as it used to be. So, that’s nice. I chant the Heart Sutra several times a day and the Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara chant Om Mani Padme Hum.” She shrugged. “Anything else you want to know?”
“Nope. That works for me.” The bottle resumed it’s spin.
Devin was hit this time. “Truth.”
“What got you into collecting Barbie Dolls?”
“Well, a number of years ago they came out with a line of Princess dolls, in dress of different countries. I was looking for a present for my little brother and I saw them. I bought the Irish Princess first and then I ended up getting the whole line. They just impressed me, with the way they did the costumes and such. That’s it.” Devin blushed when she started and looked at the floor. Obviously this was a hobby she was used to getting teased over.
The next was Thuriya. “Dare.”
I raised my eyebrows at that. I hadn’t expected her to choose that at all. Devin smiled. It seemed like she had an idea. “I would like you to dance for us.”
Thuriya stood and closed her eyes, as if she were trying to hear some sort of internal music. She began to sway slowly and then she began to belly dance. It was pretty cool. After a minute of that she started to spin, her head cocked to the side. Her skirt flared out, a perfect bell around her. She spun and spun the tension in the room building. It was beautiful.
She slowed, stopped and curtseyed to us. The next spin went to Amy. “Dare.”
Thuriya handed over her hijab. “Please put this on and wear it for a while.”
Amy needed Thuriya’s help to get it on, but once on it looked kind of good. The head scarf itself was satin with a blue flower design. It seemed to go alright with Amy’s complexion.
The next spin ended up on me again. “Truth.”
“How far have you ever gotten with a guy?”
I began to blush, thinking of Paul and such. “Uhm…only kissing.”
“Really?”
I blushed some more and looked down at the floor as my feet were suddenly very interesting. I reached out and spun the bottle, not really caring where it landed.
“Truth.” said Brittany happily.
“What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done?” It seemed to me like a good fall back and would certainly get the attention away from me.
“Wow…that’s a tough one. I guess the most embarrassing thing is when I was caught in bed with my boyfriend. We were having sex and he was close to cuming. Just then my father opened the door to my room saying something like, ‘Princess, we’re home.” The sheets are mostly off the bed, buck naked with John pounding away. John froze right there.
“Now my parents knew I was having sex so that wasn’t the big surprise, but rather that I was having it right then. My dad just stood there a moment and then started the interrogation, ‘So, what’s your name?’ John never pulled out, still thrust into me, frozen in place, answering my father’s questions. After a short while my mom comes in and joins the fun.
“John at that point looked like he was going to die. He had shrunk his way out of me and was still in the same position. I was blushing so hard it hurt. I covered up with my pillow and waited until this whole circus was over. It felt like it took forever, but it was probably closer to seven minutes.” She was blushing furiously at this point, her face amazingly red.
The next spin landed on Megan. She squeaked out, “Truth.”
Brittany’s eyes glinted evilly. “Have you ever read My Little Pony slash fic?”
Megan blushed and looked down while I asked, “Slash fic?”
“Yeah, it’s where you take to male or two female characters from a show and make a relationship with them. Sometimes it’s easy, like Sam and Frodo or Sirius and Remus. Other times, it takes a bit more work to create a plausible relationship. So Megan?” stated Brittany.
She nodded, unable to actually say anything. She spun the bottle and it ended up back at Dawn. “Truth.”
“Have you done any modeling?”
“Nope, but I had a lot of people try and talk me into it. I know I’m ‘pretty’ but that isn’t important. I shunned the popular crowd when they tried to drag me with them as I like my art. Now, I do have some posed photos…but you might not want to see them.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s a different question.” teased Dawn.
Esperanza shrugged ad said, “Truth.”
“Did you loose your virginity in a nice way?”
Esperanza was quiet for a moment then replied. “No.”
She did not clarify the answer any and no one seemed willing to pry. She reached out for the bottle as Devin, who was sitting next to her rested a hand on her leg comfortingly. Alison got up and played hostess again, refilling our drinks. They were yummy.
It ended on Alison’s empty spot. “Hey Alley, truth or dare?”
“Dare!”
“You said you were a gymnast, so do something for us.”
Alleycat looked thoughtful, which looked cute with the pigtails and the cat ears. She looked at the space and smiled. “Well, I can’t really do a tumbling run in here but watch this. She did a slow back bend, her short skirt flipping down showing that she had red and black striped panties with a skull and cross bones on the crotch, saying ‘Arrr.”
Once she had touched the ground with her hands she came up into a handstand, turning slowly in a circle. The rear of her panties had the same skull and cross bones saying, ‘Me Booty.’ She then slowly bended until she came back standing. “Ta Dah!”
More applause. She was great and her panties were definitely enjoyable. The next spin landed on me again. Crap.
“Truth or Dare, Caitlin.”
“Truth.” There was no way I was going to do one of her dares. She was awesome but also a little scary.
“Are you a Virgin?”
“No, I’m not.”
Megan blinked a moment, as if processing things. Dawn just smiled as did Holly. Slowly it seemed to click through everyone’s minds. “Oh My God…you’re a lesbian?”
Unfortunately my response was not as cool as Dawn’s, I just blushed, which seemed like a popular answer. I spun the bottle a bit shaky. Maybe I should just stick with dares from now on?
Devin replied, “Dare.”
What should I do? Something not too bad. “How about you dance for us?”
She did not look too pleased with that choice but she went along with it. There was something on the radio that she began to move to. It was not graceful or terribly in time with the music. It was almost embarrassing to watch. Devin wasn’t looking at us and her face was almost tomato red. She just stopped dancing, returned to the circle and spun again, taking a big drink of her hairy navel refill.
Holly looked at the bottle, “Truth.”
“Why do you free climb?”
“Because it’s fun and challenging and I kind of get a rush over climbing something without anything to help you make it up is a lot of fun. You do have ropes to catch you if you fall, but they are only there for safety. I have done a few free solo climbs without rope and they were a rush, but I don’t climb slopes nearly as tough when I do that.”
I stood up and staggered my way to the bathroom. My bladder was quite full and seriously needed to be emptied. It felt really weird to pee through the sleeve and it felt like the pressure was not really dropping, as the sleeve wasn’t making it easier to pee quickly. It was starting to hurt. I stopped breathing and yanked the damn thing off, frustrated, buzzed and in need of a good pee.
As my bladder relaxed from the contents under pressure and I sighed in relief I realized that I was holding my vagina in my hand and that the straps were broken.
I blinked a few times, staring disbelievingly at the piece of latex and hair that had been so carefully crafted by Meredith. The first thought was that she was going to kill me. After that one came the realization that I was stuck at this party without the protection that the fake vagina gave me.
Oh crap!
The slumber party rolls on and Caitlin has to deal with more Truth or Dare, the loss of her gaff, sleeping arrangements and so much more. If that weren't enough the Hairy Navels are making her a bit stupid. More fun for her.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 11
I stared at the strip of latex in my hand in horror. This piece of latex was meant to provide me with the support and security that simply tucking wouldn’t. What the fuck could I do? I was going to get caught, the other girls would be in an uproar and the House would need to bring up charges against me to cover themselves. Crap, crap, crap!
I frantically scanned the bathroom for something, anything. I had no idea what I was looking for, just something to help with things. I looked in the shower, in the medicine chest and then I opened the cabinets under the sink. I stared at the bag for a moment trying to put my thoughts together. This might work, or at least give me more protection than I might have otherwise. I didn’t want to loose my friends and I would do anything to keep them.
My hand shook some as I reached for the bag. Part of this squicked me, as these were to collect bloody bodily fluids that I didn’t have. Of course, right now, that didn’t matter. This was a certain case of safety first.
The pad was not terribly thick, saying something on the bag about regular, but it would most certainly do the job. I looked at it, figuring out its use pretty easily. I undid the tapes and got it settled correctly in my panties. I pulled them up, tucking myself as much as I could, stretching my penis toward the back as much as possible. I made sure they were snug, put the latex in my pocket and headed back to everyone else.
Since I told them I needed a refill, which got a few giggling, I headed towards the kitchen where my bag was. I tucked the latex vagina in one of the pockets and headed in to get myself another drink. I found myself in another conundrum. Did I want more alcohol or something else? I stood there a moment before deciding that something not alcoholic would be the better choice. I just might need my wits about me as the night went on.
I got some Coke and sat back down. The game had paused while I had gone to the bathroom. Holly waited until I was actually seated before she gave the bottle a spin. It slowed and stopped pointing at me. Fuck! “Uh…Dare.”
Holly smiled; it looked evil from where I was sitting. “Okay. What I want you to do is let Alison here dress you all goth.”
A number of people liked the idea. I was a bit worried as that meant I had to undress in front of her. Alley Cat bounded to her feet and took my hand. “Come with me.”
I was dragged into her room and she headed to her closet. She hemmed and hurmed a bit, looking at things. We were close to the same size but not exactly. She finally gave out a loud, “Ah-hah!”
She pulled out this gothic Lolita dress that was similar to one she had worn earlier but not quite. It had ruffles and lace and was cute in an odd sort of way. How would this look on me, since I didn’t have dark hair and I had never worn anything like this ever before. Plus the dress looked like it would come down to mid-thigh and might expose my panties, which might expose me. “Uh…”
“Don’t worry, you’ll look great. Just undress and put this on. Usually I wear a pair of ruffled panties with this, so you can put them on over yours. And stockings, you gotta have the stockings.” Alley headed over to her drawers and pulled out a pair of white thigh highs.
I undressed, feeling very self-conscious. She handed me the ruffled panties, which I pulled on. Then the thigh highs, then she lowered the dress onto me. It was a bit poofy, and didn’t sit flat against me. Alison stared at me intently, as if trying to figure out if there was anything missing. I squirmed a bit under the intense scrutiny.
“Nope. You look good. Come on, let’s give everyone a good look.”
I felt really shy when I followed her back out to the living room.
Everyone smiled at me. There were a couple of comments about how cute I looked and that was that. I sat carefully, trying to keep my panties from being totally visible. I managed it, but only by doing it slower than I usually would have sat.
I spun the bottle and it landed on Devin. She smiled, “Truth.”
“What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?” Sure someone else had asked that, but I couldn’t think of anything else as I was still a bit flustered from the vagina breaking.
“Well, I guess that would have to be the time when my then boyfriend found out about my Barbie collection. I had been going to his house all the time, as I really didn’t want to take a chance on him discovering that. However, my parents invited him over to dinner one night, so I couldn’t really get out of it.
“I kept trying to avoid taking him upstairs and showing him my room, but my mother insisted that I show him around the house. I think I started blushing around that point, getting brighter the closer we got to my room. When I opened the door to my room and showed him it, he sort of goggled at the sight. The fact that I had so many Barbie dolls caused some issues, as he started calling me Skipper after that. I dumped him over that but good was it embarrassing to have to show him my room.” She gave the bottle a spin and it ended up pointing at Brittany.
Brittany confidently stated, “Dare.”
Devin looked ponder some. “Do you know the musical Rent?”
This apparently confused the girl. “Uh…yeah.”
“Okay. Alison, do you have a pair of hand cuffs?”
“Yep.”
“I’ll need them for this. Brittany, I dare you to do the lawn chair hand cuff dance to the sound of iced tea being stirred.”
We all started laughing, as the look on Brittany’s face was priceless. Alison came out of her bedroom with a pair of cuffs dangling from her thumb. Someone grabbed a dining room chair and put it where everyone else had danced. Brittany was looking thoughtful as she headed over to the chair. With a snap the cuffs were closed and Brittany was trapped to the chair. Holly had gotten up and had grabbed an iced tea and a spoon. She smiled, “Ready?”
Brittany nodded and Holly started stirring, with the spoon clanking against the glass and the ice. The dance was awesome and funny as hell. There was a great deal of applause after that. Holly handed the iced tea to her after Alison released her from the chair. With a big smile the girl drank the tea and said, “That’s refreshing.”
Holly cleared her throat, which got everyone’s attention. “Well, that’s enough of that game. We have another movie to watch and then we can get ready for bed.”
We all shifted our seats, trying to get into a good position while Holly had gotten something from her bag. I could tell that this made several of us nervous. It started and several of us laughed.
The movie was called Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell. It was a really stupid horror movie that wasn’t really all that scary. Mostly we MST3K’d the story and mocked a great deal. It felt good to laugh this much. We were bonding and that was a good thing.
After the film, the clothes changing began.
I kept myself farther back in line as people were using Alison’s bedroom or her bathroom to change. I thought about the nightgown I had. Maybe I should have gone to the store and gotten something else to wear, something that was less revealing, and something that didn’t really cling to the body. The fact that I might just become untucked scared me beyond belief. I mean, I really liked these people and I really didn’t want to loose them.
The outfits ranged from slightly risqué to fairly modest. Amazingly enough mine was rather tame. Alison’s was naturally like something out of Dracula or something and Dawn’s baby doll number fit her as well. I mean for someone who said she wasn’t a model she did do what she could to look pretty. Maybe she was a kind of girly tomboy sort of person…maybe? Or maybe I was just over thinking as usual. Sometimes I let my thought go a bit too far and that almost always got me into trouble.
I changed and made sure the pad was keeping me well tucked. It certainly looked like it. I breathed a sigh of relief at that. Not having to worry as much about getting caught would allow me to relax and get back to having fun. I headed back out to the living room and people had kind of broken up into groups, talking.
I headed over to Alison, who was busy talking with Dawn and Esperanza. “Hey.”
“Hey.” replied Alley. “So Esperanza, do you go by anything else, like a nickname? Cause your name can be somewhat of a mouthful. Maybe something like E or something?”
Esperanza shook her head. “No, at least nothing in English, or anything I would like to be called. Why? Do you think I need something?”
Dawn chuckled. “I don’t think so, but calling you E occasionally might be fine. I mean it’s not like it’s derogatory or something.”
“I suppose. What do you think Caitlin?”
“Well, nicknames can be okay as long as they aren’t anything mean or such. My best friend calls me Cait, so it’s not that bad. I just can’t think of a way to shorten Esperanza, can you?” I wanted to be honest, as nicknames were a button issue with me. I mean, after years of being called gay boy, or Dick or such I really wasn’t a fan of anything that was mean spirited or cruel. So far, E wasn’t too bad, for a nickname.
“No, I can’t think of one. I think I can be okay with E and Alison here goes by Alley Cat. We have Cait here, so what’s your nickname then Dawn?” Esperanza turned the tables, shifting the focus from her to Dawn.
“Uhm…people just call me Dawn. Never had a nickname, except for what my dad called me.” She blushed slightly, which made it clear that her Dad’s nickname for her had to be good.
“What was that?” prodded Alison.
“I’d really rather not say.” The color was growing in Dawn’s cheeks. This had to be good.
“It has to be a really great name for her to get this embarrassed over it and refuse to tell us.” stated Esperanza.
Dawn’s blush deepened. “I’d really rather not say. Please.”
“Okay. No problem, but you will tell us at some point.” said Alison. “But you don’t have to tell us now. But next Truth or Dare, you bet that’s gonna be asked.”
“Okay, fine, just so long as I don’t have to say it now, okay?” Dawn really seemed uncomfortable.
“Sure. No problem. So…what did you used to do back in High School?” asked Alison, working to change the topic.
Dawn shook her head. “That was pretty cheesy. Can we just talk and not have to choose topics?”
“Sure. Works for me.” I said, as I really didn’t want to get into High School any way. I hadn’t really worked through that and how I would answer any questions. High School had been bad enough, but rethinking High School as if I had been a girl was proving to be a bit difficult. I needed to talk to Becca about it, but I was here and not there. I would certainly rather avoiding anything that might make me get discovered.
“Okay. Hey, do you think me should have a pillow fight, just to live up to the fantasies of the patriarchy?”
We all stopped and stared at Alison. “What? It would be fun.”
A few of the girls groaned and I just sort of chuckled. It seemed that the idea was not well received. Alley pouted some but brightened when talk turned to sex. “So Dawn, who are you dating now, a boy or a girl?”
“I have a girlfriend right now. We hooked up this summer but I’m not sure it’s gonna last, as she isn’t going to the school here. For me the person is what’s sexy, not just the package.” Dawn smiled. “Why, you interested?”
Esperanza blushed at that, embarrassed for opening that can of worms. “Uhm…no…I mean…uh…”
“I wouldn’t mind.” piped up Alison. “I am like totally into the person, since people are sexy and not just innies or outies.”
There was some chuckling at that. I was really not sure how to answer that as the conversation was in that border area where I might just get into trouble over the truth. “And you Caitlin, you into innies, outies or both?”
“Uhm, innies but I did have fun on my date with someone who’s an outie.” I could feel my face warm.
“That’s cool. You Esperanza?” asked Dawn.
“Outies all the way. Innies aren’t my thing, they do nothing for me.” Esperanza wasn’t blushing now and seemed to be teasing back. “I mean, don’t you just like the feel of an innie in your outie?”
This busted up Dawn and Alison, but I was a little squicked. I mean, my only outie was my…well…yeah, anyway, and the thought of anything entering me made me a little queasy. Esperanza patted me on the back. “That’s okay. Not everyone gets the outie thing.”
Being gay did seem to have its uses, but was I gay? I mean I am a guy, well sort of, well, bigenderal, and I like having sex with women but kissing Paul was nice. Which was homosexual? Which was heterosexual? I shook my head, not wanting to deal with thoughts like that. I was here to have fun and get to know people, not spend my time brooding.
A number of the girls were starting to yawn. Holly said, “Let’s call it a night, and if you’re still not tired talk quietly.”
“Okay. Oh, hey, I have room on my bed for another person and the bed folds out. I also have some mattress pads for cushioning. So, anyone want to join me or should we spin for it?” Alison seemed somewhat awake.
I was okay sleeping on the floor, alone, and unmolested but somehow I ended up in the spin off for sleeping with Alison. She looked at the crowd, as if trying to decide and then closed her eyes, concentrating. The bottle spun and ended up pointing at me. Crap.
She opened her eyes, saw where it pointed and said, “Yes!”
The bed was pulled out, cushions handed around and I followed Alley into her room, where the deadly spiders lived. It made me nervous but Alley seemed to have things under control.
“Want the wall? That way you are farther from any possible arachnid invasion?” asked Alison gently, trying not to wind me up.
I nodded.
“Great. Go on…schootch in.” I climbed into the bed carefully, making sure that the nightgown covered everything. Of all the dumbass things I have done, getting into bed with her like this was near the top. Why me?
She grabbed a some what large goth doll with near dreadlocked hair, kind of like Raggedy Anne on crack. It was cute, in a scary gothy sort of way, but certainly not something I would buy for myself or Meredith.
We got in and lay back staring at the ceiling. It glittered some from what looked like glow in the dark stars under the sheer curtains. The affect was pretty neat and I did like that a lot. We lay there quietly for a while and I listened to her breathing, a bit too scared to go to sleep yet.
“Caitlin?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. If it hadn’t been for you talking to me and helping me have the courage to go through with this I would never have met everyone. Thank you so much.” She rolled over and gave me a big hug, pulling me close to her, or maybe shifting closer to me.
“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure. Besides, it helped me meet you.”
She giggled and hugged me tighter. I could feel me breasts squish uncomfortably against me. It actually kind of hurt. Alison pulled back and I could barely make out her face. It look confused or concerned or something. I couldn’t make out all the details easily.
“Uhm…Caitlin?”
“Yes?”
“Is there some sort of reason that you are wearing breast forms?”
“Uh…uhm…uh…er…uh…well…uh…” Shit, shit, shit, what the fuck was I going to say? What the hell would work here? My mind was blank and I lay there, mouth wide and my eyes darting for some sort of escape or answer, I wasn’t sure.
“There is, isn’t there? You freaked at the Mexican restaurant when I gave you the note that said I know and calmed a lot faster than expected when I said I knew you and Merri were a couple. What else is there for me to know?”
“Uhm…er…well…uh…ehh…er…” What the fuck could I say? Shit! If only Meredith were here, or even Becca.
“Let me guess…your trans, aren’t you?” Her voice was calm and even, as if pointing out her argument logically.
Oh, Fuck!! I was screwed.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Just a quick note to everybody. I will not be writing any Sorority Boy for the month of November as I will be busy doing NaNoWriMo again this year. I have a nice Trans story in mind and it should be fun. I wanted to leave you guys with two larger than normal chapters to tide you over until then. Take care and I will be on-line occasionally, so feel free to send me a note.
See you all again in December.
Caitlin has more fallout from the sleepover and dealing with the first day of classes. Too many things are running through his head and he's not quite sure what to do about it.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 12
“So I take it by the deer in the headlight look that I am right?” asked Alison.
Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…
“Caitlin?”
Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…
“Caitlin, stop freaking out. I’m not freaking am I?”
Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…
“Oh for the love of…Caitlin, if I have to raise my voice the others will hear what’s going on. If that happens I’ll have to explain this to them. Do you want that?” she asked, staring me right in the eye.
I struggled to calm my breathing down, to stop panicking. “Uh…”
“Yes?”
“Uh…I can explain.” She sat there expectantly, looking at me calmly, without disgust. That surprised me. I thought for sure she would hate me. I explained to her how this had come to pass and all of that, I mean what recourse did I have in this situation?
She sat there calmly and smiled a bit. “I knew this would be a fun story but damn Caitlin, that’s pretty awesome. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to and if it hadn’t been the way the breasts felt I would never have known. You do this really well.”
A compliment? She gave me a compliment? But why, when I had sort of lied to her? Obviously the look on my face was clear.
“It’s okay. You’re my friend and that won’t change. Okay?”
I nodded, still stunned by everything. Alison smiled at me. “Let’s get some sleep. I’m tired and tomorrow is today.”
It took me a long time to fall asleep, my mind awhirl. I had been caught and I wasn’t in trouble? What? How did that happen exactly?
* * * * *
When I woke up the bed was empty. That gave me a brief moment of panic when last nights events entered my mind again. I had been caught out and now what the hell was I supposed to do? Not having a clue what to do I commandeered the bathroom and got changed.
Several of the others were asleep still so it was just Alison, Thuriya, Dawn and myself currently awake. Alison had made coffee and the smell was pervading the apartment with its wonderful smell. I headed there and filled a cup, adding the sugar in the raw and the heavy whipping cream that Alison had. My first sip made me sigh happily.
Dawn quipped, “Well, good morning to you too.”
“Sorry. Coffee needed to be had.”
“That reminds me of something rather blasphemous but funny in my opinion. What do you guys know of Islam?” replied Thuriya, looking amused.
“Bits and pieces. Why?” said Alison, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Okay. Do you know the profession of faith?”
The three of us all blinked at each other ad it was clear that we had no clue at all. Thuriya rolled her eyes and kept going. “It goes, There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his Prophet. La illah bil Allah wa Muhammud rasul Allah. Now I first heard this in Arabic but I won’t repeat it that way, too close to the profession of faith. But it goes like this, There is no coffee but Coffee and Mocha is her Prophet.”
She tittered and the rest of us chuckled. It was funny but I had no idea how to take it. Was that going to get her into trouble? Alison seemed to really appreciate it. “Nice.”
“It’s stupid but I thought it was funny. In Arabic there is more of a play on the sounds of words in there, but that would be taking it too far in my opinion.”
Alison smirked. “I really never expected to hear anyone make a joke that used the metrical pattern of that particular phrase. I like it.”
“Maybe I’m not awake enough. I’m not sure I got it.” I admitted.
Dawn chuckled. “Have some more coffee, you’ll get it in no time.”
Esperanza came out at that point. “Morning everyone. Do you have any OJ Alison?”
The goth nodded and pulled out a carton. The Hispanic girl filled a glass and then took a drink. “Nice.”
Esperanza stretched and groaned as the muscles moved. The view was lovely but it also somehow reminded me of Meredith. I missed sleeping with her and I sure as hell needed to let her know that I had been found out. This was scary and I had to act like everything was normal.
While I fretted, Alison and Dawn got out some supplies and were making something. I glanced over and it looked like they were making pancake batter from scratch. “Do you guys need any help?”
Alleycat shrugged. “Set the table? No, just set out the plates and stuff. That way people can grab what they want. The syrup is in that cabinet.”
I got things set up, with Esperanza’s help. It wasn’t much but then again, who was I to look cross-eyed at from scratch pancakes. The smells of both coffee and pancakes began to permeate the other slumbering figures and they began to stir. They wiped sleep from their eyes and took in the lovely smells. Dawn called out, “Come and get it. First batch is up.”
I watched the first surge of girls. They grabbed some pancakes and moved on. Alison and Dawn had alternated their timing so that it almost seemed as if there were an unending stream of pancakes coming out. Finally I had mine and they were good. Certainly not the best I had ever had, which I kind of thought was a given, but they were tasty. And Alison had splurged on real maple syrup. Breakfast was a great goodness.
Things wrapped up and we all parted as friends, or at least on the path to becoming friends. That was good. I left early, wanting to get to Meredith and let her know what had happened. She could help me. She seemed to know how to deal with most anything and in a way this was her fault. She was the one who did everything to change me into the girl I was.
I headed up to the room and collapsed on the bed. This whole situation was getting more and more crazy by the moment. What was I going to do?
“Hey there sweetie, have fun?” Meredith came in and kissed me. It was nice and definitely what I needed at that moment.
“Merri, Alison knows.” I figured that it would be easier if I just said it outright.
Meredith sighed. “Crap. What the hell happened?”
I gave her a brief outline of the events and handed over the broken vagina. Meredith blinked in surprise. “You broke it?”
“Yes. I broke my vagina.” In the pause right after what I said we both clicked on what had just come out of my mouth and we just started laughing. That was absurd, but it was totally my life.
“I can fix this and make it better. Are you okay with that?”
“Yes please. I feel much more relaxed knowing that visually I can fake it for a short while.”
That was one of the things I found strangest about the whole situation. If I had the vagina on then I felt more like a woman and more like I could fake this. It was like a safety blanket for my gender. I know the idea was crazy but it was the best I could do right now.
I grabbed my book and found my usual place to curl up in the sun and read. School was getting ready to start and my life was falling apart. Well, maybe that wasn’t what was going on but it sure as hell felt like that. I let Hayden take me away to another world and didn’t dwell on this one.
* * * * *
I was nervous as I got dressed. Finally after all this time, the first day of classes had arrived. I was starting college as a girl and that was a bit disturbing, but mostly I was nervous about classes. My first class of the day was Introduction to Women’s Studies and I had no idea what the hell that entailed. One of the other girls in the House was with me, but I didn’t know her very well.
As I sat down I realized that maybe I shouldn’t have worn a skirt today. Maybe I should have worn jeans or shorts or something more androgynous. I was shifting in my seat uncomfortably. I was the only guy in the classroom and there was no way anyone could tell that I was one. I was a young woman starting college, and the cognitive dissonance of that hurt my brain.
The professor seemed nice but very intense. Apparently the field was broad, due to focusing on the role and nature of woman through art, history, science and other fields. It seemed fascinating, and certainly preferable to what was next, which was math. Math and I just didn’t really get along. I could never remember the order in which you solved problems and I never could remember some of the formulae. It was one of my few banes in school.
My last class was art appreciation. We leapt right into the lecture after she covered the syllabus, showing us slides of various works of art, giving us a quick overview of the subject. It seemed interesting and I was hoping that I would be able to remember all the things that were getting thrown at me. Thankfully tomorrow would be my light day, with only History and English as my only classes. This was all so confusing.
I got back to the House and headed to the kitchen for something to drink. Some of the tea would be last night and the House Mother almost always had a pitcher of it available. Once I filled a glass I went outside and just relaxed in one of the lounge chairs. Gah…what a day. It wasn’t quite information overload but between juggling the information on the different classes and trying to remember everything I needed to be a girl I just wanted to relax for a bit. I had to do the study hall thing tonight so I wasn’t all that stressed about getting in to my homework already.
I sipped the tea and felt the warmth of the sun leach into me. It was nice and I could almost fall asleep. What the hell was I going to do about the Alison situation? Meredith had implied that I should just stop fretting over it as it hadn’t sounded like Alison was going to make an issue of it. I just felt so unsure about things. Getting caught was uncomfortable enough, but not knowing what to say was almost worse. What should I do?
The question plagued me quite a bit as I slowly drifted to sleep in the sun.
Caitlin is worried about the fall out that her outing would cause. Alison and Meredith corner her in order to have a conversation about what's going on. Can she do this without another panic attack?
I’m not so sure I would be handling things well if it weren’t for the fact that there was a mandatory study session in the House, to ensure that we were doing our work. That wasn’t too bad but there were too many thoughts, too many ideas, too many facts, too many people that were getting involved in my life. I just wanted to scream as I was so overwhelmed. I was also waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Alison to pass on what she had discovered at the party to all the other girls. That it hadn’t happened yet only increased my nervousness on the matter. Meredith told me it was going to be okay but I was sure it wasn’t. Needless to say I was stressed.
Thursday, after the study session Alison caught up to me before I managed to scamper upstairs to hide from the rest of the world. “Caitlin, wait up.”
I paused, shaking inside. She caught up and smiled at me in her usual friendly manner. She looked adorable with her hair in ponytails, and they bobbed nicely when she moved. “I wanted to talk to you and it seems like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”
I nodded. She frowned a bit at my reaction and sort of dragged me into the sitting room, away from everyone else. It was clear that she was upset and that made me worry even more about the fallout of the discovery. “Caitlin, what is wrong with you?”
“I’m scared.” I admitted. I just might as well get this all out into the open since she wanted to talk.
“Of what? Me?” The goth girl looked a bit shocked by that. “Why?”
“Don’t give me that. When’s the other shoe going to drop?” I accused.
This only seemed to confuse things even more in her head. “What?”
Now it was my turn to get confused. Was she really unable to follow this? She knew that my stress was due to her discovery…right? “You know…telling everyone else?”
“Telling them what? Caitlin, what are you going on about?” Alison cocked her head and looked rather confuzzled and this conversation was going nowhere fast.
Surely she knew what I had been talking about…right? It hadn’t been that long since she had discovered that I was a guy, so why wasn’t she understanding me? What was going on? “About my little…you know…problem?”
Alison blinked at me a few times, trying to process things. I could see it all connect when she looked up at me quizzically. “What about it? Who cares? I wanted to talk to you about getting some help memorizing the history information for this weekend.”
“Hunh? You’re not going to tell anyone?”
“Why should I? It’s your business. I support you, what else matters?”
This conversation had not gone anywhere I had expected it to go. I was completely stunned and had no idea what to say. Thankfully I was rescued by Meredith. “Hey Caitlin, there you are. You took off so fast after the study session that I lost track of you. Hey Alley. Just heading up to the room to watch something, want to join us?”
The goth smiled at the invitation. “Sure. Sounds like a good idea.”
I just nodded and followed along. Meredith and Alison were chatting casually on their way up and I was busy trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. She didn’t care? How could she not care? I was a guy pretending to be something I was not, or at least that’s how it started. The lines were starting to get blurred now and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I said I would do this, and even if I was afraid I would stop being a man, which I was, I had given my word. I would hold up my end of the bargain and I knew that the House would hold up theirs. No, I was doing this but I had really no earthly idea what it was doing to me in return. That part did bother me a lot.
Once we were in the room, Meredith closed and locked the door, standing with her back against it clearly cutting off the main escape route. This got both Alley’s and my attention. “Okay…Alison…are you going to spill the beans about Caitlin here?”
“No.”
“Why not?” It was a reasonable question and one I wanted to know the answer to as well.
“Like I told her, it’s her choice. The whole Goth community is filled with a great deal of gender fluidity, so this is not unusual to me. This is simply no big deal. Besides, Caitlin spoke to me when she didn’t have to and made friends with me when she didn’t have to. That would make me a crap friend if I didn’t have her back when she needed that.” Alison looked very adamant at that.
“So…are we good?” asked Meredith casually.
“We’re good. Relax Caitlin, you’re my friend and I won’t risk it over something so minor.”
“Minor?” What the hell was minor about this? Here I was, freaking out and she called it minor? What the hell would it take to have something that she might call major?
“Yes, minor. I like your reasoning for doing this. It’s pretty noble. You make a really cute girl and if I hadn’t known several transpeople through the whole Goth scene I would never have figured it out. So chill out.” Alison smiled at me and that helped some.
I sat heavily on the bed, sighing, suddenly tired. “Sorry. This whole thing seems anything but minor to me. This whole thing caused me to have a major panic attack and now this…I’m just not sure I can take much more of this.”
Meredith looked worriedly at me. She rested on hand on my shoulder. “Do you need to quit? We can do that if you need to. Sarah would back that medically if needed, to make it no harm no foul. You know none of us would hold this against you and none of us would stop being your friends. That’s why we’re worried about you.”
I smiled weakly. It really was nice of her to offer that and I knew tat I wouldn’t have any grief from the House should that happen. “I know. It’s just that it’s been so easy to loose myself in being Caitlin that I am forgetting about being Richard. I am pretty okay with all of this and that scares me. Part of me is screaming that this is wrong and part of me thinks it’s neat. Everything in between is just confused. Why can’t life be simple?”
Alison actually started laughing at this which sort of pissed me off. I was baring my soul here. “Gods, who would want their life to be simple? Even if we reincarnate, is that a good reason to live a placid and boring life? Why not have a life filled with…well life? I want my life to be crazy and exciting and interesting and complex and full of wonder. Why should you settle for less than everything?”
This got Meredith smiling and nodding and I had to admit that it did make a measure of sense. That might help me in dealing with this. It surely couldn’t hurt. “Okay…I understand that. But I just don’t want my idea of who I am to be as complex as it is right now. I am pulled between being a man and being a woman and generally it’s really uncomfortable. Sometimes I can get out of my head long enough to just accept things the way they are, which I like. Right now I want to live as a girl, to experience this as it is presented but I can’t turn that male part of me off and it makes me skittish as hell.”
“So why bother trying? If it won’t shut up, use it.” Alison was making sense but I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted to hear, which made me wonder if I was looking to fail.
“Fine. But I have no idea how.” That might buy me a moment or two in order to think all of this madness through. Again.
Both Meredith and Alison looked at me and then back at each other. They shrugged and I sighed, so much for solving that issue. It was a relief that Alley had no intention to do anything about the whole gender thing. She seemed cool with it and that helped me relax and try to get back to that place of equilibrium I had managed to reach before the party. Maybe I needed to talk to a shrink, to help me get my head where it needed to be? That might make this whole experiment easier to deal with in the long run. “Okay. Better now. But I think I need to see someone to talk things over with.”’
“You mean like a shrink?” asked Alison.
I nodded.
She smiled. “Okay. I can ask my friend Calpernia if she knows any gender specialists in the area.”
“Calpernia?” I was really confused with that name. What kind of name was that?
“Yeah. It’s a really good goth name. Calpernia Moriarity. She’s trans as well and used to live here. She preformed in some drag shows and was really good.” replied Alley.
Meredith nodded in thought. “I think that a gender specialist would probably be really helpful to you. If you want I can come with you the first time and help explain things?”
“Please? I’m nervous enough about this without having to stress over that as well. Besides, who would believe this without support? It’s not like I would be going in and saying that I was trans, but this sure as hell looks trans-ish to me.”
The others had to agree with that. That topic closed thankfully and we turned to the much more important issue of choosing a movie to watch. Alison and Meredith were discussing the finer points of several films quite heatedly, trying to prove why one film was better than another. After fifteen minutes of discussion they finally settled on Moulon Rouge. I was a bit hesitant about the whole musical thing, but they didn’t really give me the option. Hell, like I’d really had an option in months.
The costumes were lavish, the singing was intense and now I can never listen to “Like a Virgin” again without it triggering flashbacks. The Tango Roxanne had been incredibly intense as well. I was stunned. It had been an incredible roller coaster ride and I was wiping away tears by the end. The film had been worth the whole being forced to watch it.
It affected my dreams however and I kept playing both the male and female leads, which was rather confusing as I ended up without a clue who I was, Christian or Satine. The dancing around in dresses, the hair, the everything was so vivid that it almost felt like I wasn’t dreaming at all, that I was really there, being held in strong arms. The screeching alarm clock dissuaded me of that idea soon enough however. I groaned and swatted the clock. Time to get to classes.
Caitlin gets some things off her chest and begins the process of getting some help. But things are never really that easy for her...right?
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
I smiled at her nervously. I was actually here at a shrink’s office. My heart was beating like a mile a minute. Meredith squeezed my hand in support and that helped me calm down some. “Pleased to meet you.”
“I was told you needed to see someone about some gender issues. Do you really think that becoming a man will make you feel better?”
I couldn’t help myself as I just started laughing. Meredith started in at that point as I was laughing like I had heard the funniest thing in the world. She was trying to explain the basics of the situation and I was trying to stop laughing. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. For some reason the whole idea of me pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy was just too much.
I finally wiped the tears from my eyes and sighed, all laughed out for the moment. Dr. Wallace smiled at me. “So I see you have managed to get yourself into a bit of a fix.”
“Yeah, I did. But I actually kind of like it. I like the girls I am hanging out with and I don’t want to lose them as friends.” I admitted.
“Why would you lose them as friends if you went back to being a boy?” It was a valid question and one that had run through my mind before.
“Well, first off, I had very few friends when I was Richard. I mean, no one liked to hang out with me and I was pretty much a loner. Secondly, if I let those other girls in on the secret I would probably get beat up or something. I hate the lying but the alternative might be worse.” It was something I was worried about.
“So you are doing this because you now have friends?” The doctor asked in clarification.
“I think it is a valid reason. I mean I had one friend through high school and that was it. A lot of people knew me but no one really wanted to be my friend. It sucked. And now dressed like this I have a bunch of friends. It’s incredible. I really love it.”
“But are they your friends or Caitlin’s?”
“Uhm…” I had to think about that. Were they still my friends if I were dressed this way? Alley seemed to be my friend and she knew. All the girls in the House knew. The only friends I had who were Caitlin’s exclusively were the other girls in the pledge class. “Most of them are my friends, which I know is a bit weird. I’m not acting like anyone but myself. I am wearing different clothes but who I am at the end of the day is the same.”
“Okay. That is pretty good. But what about your whole feeling like you’re not sure who you are anymore? And the panic attacks?” she asked me, arching an eyebrow.
“I guess I’m still trying to get used to living a girl’s life. Half of my mind is okay with it, the other half is freaking out, and I have a lot of cognitive dissonance over this whole thing that is making me absolutely crazy. I just want to find some way to get past all of this stress and tension I am feeling because of this. I gave my word to do this and I plan on sticking to that. I just want to be able to relax over it. I’m tired of stressing out over this particular topic.” That really was all I wanted, just to be able to relax over all of this. Was that really such a difficult prospect?
“Have you thought abut the reason that you are probably having this cognitive dissonance is that you are living a lie?”
“How is this a lie? I am still me, just in different clothes.” I countered.
“But with make up, a different hair cut and different social roles that you are expected to conform to. Maybe these things are what are causing you so many problems?”
That make me pause and think some more. Was what I was doing making my life so crazy? I knew I didn’t have to follow through with this and medical reasons would be a good reason to quit but it just didn’t feel right. “Dr. Wallace, my dad taught me that men and women weren’t really all that different, that a lot of things came down to how they were treated by others and what others expected of them. There is nothing in that which states that they choose to act differently, but society experts them to act different. I think that is pretty damn stupid. I have chosen to walk a mile in women’s shoes, to experience what they experience. I don’t like people being treated unfairly and if this helps me better understand what they are going through than why not do it?”
It was her turn to sit there and think, which I was fine with. “It is admirable to get to know how other people live and especially if you believe in equality. Now, do you really think you are living a girl’s life?”
I shrugged. “It’s about as close as I can get without surgery and hormones.”
“And you don’t want those?”
“Christ no. I am doing this because I said I would and that’s it. I don’t really want to be a girl, but for now this is my life. I’m okay with that.” And the sad thing is that I am okay with all of this. “I just want to find a way to come to better term with this and to find some better ways to relax.”
“I think I can help you there. At this point I don’t think you need any medication but I have a number of suggestions as to what might help. Do you exercise?”
“Yes. I do aerobics and some yoga.”
“Good. That’s an easy stress relief plan right there. What about meditation?”
“Uhm…no, but I do know someone who can teach me.” Knowing a Buddhist was a good thing at this moment.
“Have you thought about doing something like knitting?” she asked.
Knitting? Like making things out of string? That could be a stress reliever? Really? “I hadn’t even thought about that.”
“Well, it is a traditionally feminine hobby and you often end up with thinks you can keep or give to people. However, painting, writing, all sorts of arts can help you keep your stress levels down. So you might want to think about starting something like that.”
“I think I’ll look into that. Thanks.”
“It’s what I’m here for. Now for a while I think I need to see you weekly, in order to make sure you are adjusting to things well. If after a month or so these things haven’t helped I may need to put you on something to calm you down. Okay?” she said.
I nodded my head. That sounded workable. “Sure Dr. Wallace. I think I can live with that.”
“Okay. So does this time work for you?”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Good. Than I will see you next week at this same time. Take care Caitlin.”
“You too Doctor.” As I left I was feeling better. Her questions had given me something to focus on and helped me to get a different perspective on this whole thing. I was really hoping that it would help me feel better in the long run.
“So was that good for you?” asked Meredith.
“Surprisingly, yes. I think she just might be able to help me cope with these things.” I replied, feeling about fifty pounds lighter.
“Good. A lot of us have been worried about you over this. So long as you feel better and are okay with things I for one will be relieved.”
“Well, I do feel better. Let’s go get some coffee. I want a break before I get to work on homework.”
The two of us stopped by a local coffee place, Morgan’s, and got a couple of Mochas. One thing I do love about being a girl is that I can drink whatever I want and I won’t be judged by it. I’ve seen guys getting looked at funny for ordering mochas so being able to order one without getting stared at was a good thing. It wasn’t fair but not everything is better in skirts, so I guess it balances out.
While we were there, I spotted Esperanza. We hustled over to where she was sitting drinking tea. “Hey there.”
“Good afternoon. How are you guys doing?”
“Not too bad. I saw you and wanted to come over and say Hi. That and I had a question for you.”
“What?” she asked, cocking her head to the side some.
“Well…can you teach me how to meditate?” I could feel myself blushing as I asked that.
“Sure. That would be no problem. We can do that tonight after the study session.”
“Great. I am looking forward to that. I’m hoping that it might help me destress.”
She laughed. “Yeah, it is good for that. I always feel nice and relaxed afterwards. It can’t hurt things, you know.”
I was sure it could only help me at this point.
Caitlin has been busy with classes and visits with the shrink but now she has a bit of a problem that is making her a bit crazy. She needs to deal with it so she can keep her sanity.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 15
The English paper was making me crazy. I was supposed to write what I had done over the summer but there was no way in hell I was going to write down what had actually happened and it would certainly take more than a thousand words to write down and explain everything that had occurred to me. My summer had been almost too crazy to believe and I was not a happy camper.
The homework for some of the other classes was a bit easier with the help of the girls in the sorority. Learning things like the history of the Sorority was easy as well, but I was definitely at a loss for what to put down in the stupid paper. I needed some help to at least get me started. Standing up, I went over to Meredith to get her two cents. “You gotta help me with this. I can’t think of something to say.”
“Caitlin, you are brilliant, just write something, anything. You can talk about a lot of what occurred if you mask it some. You went out with friends, made new friends, hung out and tanned, leaving out all of the gender stuff all together. This shouldn’t be that hard.” replied Merri, looking almost as frustrated as I felt. Was I over thinking again?
Not getting the kind of help I wanted from Meredith, I stalked back to the table and started trying to write about my summer without really talking about the most major event in my life. That alone made the paper a hell of a lot more difficult to write for me. How in the hell did you not talk about a massive life changing event? I hated this. I really did, almost more than waxing which I hated with the burning passion of a thousand suns.
Anyway, after a while I managed to finish my paper, or at least the rough draft. That was nice but had been a complete brain strain. All my other class work was done easily and I was able to get up and leave the study session with a sense of accomplishment. As I left the dining room, Alison followed me, hustling in order to catch up with me before reached the stairs. “Caitlin, can we talk some?”
“Sure. Come on up to the room.”
The two of us headed upstairs while Alison was talking a bit excitedly. “I kind of had a bit of an idea and I wanted to run it by you before I give it a shot.”
“What?” Now I was getting concerned. What the hell could she have in mind at this point? I seriously hoped that it had nothing to do with me.
“I thought what might be fun was to have a party.” She stated somewhat nervously.
I closed the door to my room behind us as I asked, “What’s so wrong about a party that you aren’t sure if you want to mention it?”
“I want to have a Goth party for everyone.” She said, not looking me in the eyes.
“A Goth party?” That sort of confused. What sort of party was a Goth party?
“Yeah, everyone would have to dress up in Goth fashion and just have a lot of fun. What do you think? Do you think people will go for it?” She looked so excited about her plan that I wasn’t sure if I could tell her anything but I liked it. I did like it, but I almost felt trapped by what she had said.
“It sounds like it could be fun.” I was amazingly noncommittal, as the idea on one hand was exciting and on the other a bit scary. This sounded like the kind of party that could end in flames, literally.
“I figured that we could have a DJ, and decorations and everything. And I can totally help everyone with their costume ideas. I think it might be fun and something very different from what the House is used to doing. Wouldn’t that be great?” Alison’s eyes were wide in excitement.
I thought about it and realized that it might actually be kind of cool. I had a hard time picturing some of the Sisters in Goth clothing, but it certainly sounded like it might be a hoot. “You mean for Halloween?”
“No, more of a lead up to Halloween.” She replied happily. “Halloween has many more fun things you can do.”
I was almost sorry I asked and it took some effort to not ask her to tell me. “Okay, so did you want to do this party as a pledge class thing?”
She nodded, which I had expected. “I figure the group of us can set everything up and make it a really fun party. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds like it might be fun.” The idea was sounding more appealing, the more I heard about it, especially as it had nothing to do with my gender. “You want to take it to Holly.”
The free climber had ended up as our class president because she had started acting like one and everyone was fine with that. Dawn was the vice president because she contrasted Holly quite well. Esperanza was the secretary as she had the patience to endure about anything either girl could come up with. All in all I think we were fairly lucky in who we had in charge.
We headed downstairs, hoping to catch Holly before she left for the night. We managed to catch up to her out in the parking lot before she got into her car. She liked the idea, after Alley explained it, and she was going to email everybody about it when she got home. The email group that she had set up let us stay connected all the time, which was nice.
Once that whole thing was taken care of, Alison thanked me and headed home, happily plotting the Goth party in her head. She was obviously enjoying herself. I was happy with that. It made me glad that I had worked to get her into the House. She would certainly make things a bit more interesting around here, though in all honesty I had to say that things were interesting enough in this House. It took a special kind of crazy to choose to do this to me, not that I was completely upset about this but it was a bit disconcerting nonetheless.
I headed back into the House to hang out with Meredith and Gwen, as it was movie night again, and I was looking forward to whatever piece of chick flick they had in mind to subject me to. I was enjoying the films and they were all in English and not the trauma that was foreign. So, that alone, in my opinion, was a good reason to count my blessings. I had enjoyed a few of the foreign films I had seen but those had been the exceptions that had proved the rule, at least in my opinion. I had a lot of opinions on the matter.
When I entered the House, I ran into Gwen in the kitchen, where she was busy getting some snacks for the movie. I moved to help her and lightened her load. “Thanks Caitlin.”
“No problem Gwen. So what is it we’re watching tonight?” I asked, because Meredith hadn’t told me.
“It’s a surprise for you, duh.” I could tell that Gwen was teasing me about it, which made me wonder just how much I was going to hate this movie. Surely they hadn’t gotten anything that would truly make me cringe… right? Oh, god… surely they hadn’t gotten a foreign movie to watch, had they?
I should have known better and trusted my instincts to run.
“We’re going to watch Bring it On.” announced Meredith happily when we had gotten somewhat settled.
“The cheerleading movie?” I asked, somewhat confused.
“Yep.” She was almost smug.
“A cheerleading movie?” I was having trouble figuring out why we were going to watch something like that. There was no way that it was a decent movie.
“Yeah, it’s a fun movie and funny. You’ll like it, so shut up over the whole cheerleader thing.” Meredith smirked at me.
“I’ll have you know, I do know a few decent cheerleaders, thank you very much. I’m just not sure I am ready for something like a cheerleader comedy. The idea just doesn’t sound right.” I replied, trying to show I had no problem with those who willingly chose to jump up and down and scream as a hobby. It was a lifestyle choice that I might not understand, but who was I to judge.
Gwen snickered and said. “It’s a romantic comedy.”
“It is?” I was confused.
Meredith nodded and simply said, “Just wait for it.”
* * * * *
“I was sure Torrance and Missy were going to end up together. I mean, honestly.” I griped. I felt cheated. Why the hell had Tor ended up with the brother anyway when it was clear that she had better chemistry with Missy?
“See, romantic comedy. Just ignore the whole Cliff thing and you have a lovely Lesbian Romantic comedy that everyone can enjoy.” quipped Gwen.
“Okay, you have me there.” I agreed. Taken that way, the film was actually a whole lot more fun. That and hot girls in love worked for me. I mean, despite everything I was a guy, for the most part and I did find the idea of two girls together hot.
“I’m glad you liked it.” replied Meredith. “I have always liked this film and The New Guy as well. Eliza Dushku is hot in both.”
“I agree with that.” I mean… was there even a question? She had been just as hot in Buffy as well.
“I thought you might.” snickered Meredith, leaning over to give me a kiss.
“Well, on that note, let me take off.” said Gwen, gathering up her stuff.
Meredith glanced at the clock and agreed. “Time for bed alright. Need a hand carrying anything back to your room?”
“Don’t worry about it. I have it.” Gwen headed out with her arms full of stuff. I walked with her, as I was sure things were going to tumble out of her arms when she tried to open the door to her room. Once we got her into her room, she smiled at me, “Thanks Caitlin. That made this whole thing easier.”
“No problem. Good night.” I walked back to the room I shared with Meredith, smiling softly. My life was pretty good so far and I hadn’t fallen into a funk recently, which was nice. Things with the whole gender madness were starting to calm down as the shrink was actually helping me get some sort of perspective on all of this. That was certainly quite nice. Having less stress over what I was wearing was going to make my life a hell of a lot easier. I knew I was a guy but I was also a girl, at least until I graduated, so what was the purpose of stressing over something I had accepted and agreed to do? All it did was make my life a bit of a living hell.
Another thing that was helping was that I was no longer constantly being challenged with something so new that I had no way to cope with it. Since Alison hadn’t told anyone about my not being a girl that in itself had seriously reduced my stress. She was my friend and I now knew her well enough to be sure that my secret was safe with her. Right now, my biggest stressors were from classes, but I could deal with that. My life had leveled off for the moment, for which I was thankful. I chuckled, thinking back to how this all started. I had been so sure I was smarter than these ladies. Man, I had been a bit of a pompous jerk.
I got back to the room and Meredith was waiting for me. She noticed the smile I had and quirked an eyebrow at me, questioningly. I smirked and answered her unspoken query. “I was just thinking about what kind of jerk I was when I first got a hold of the House.”
“You weren’t a jerk Cait, you were self-assured of your own rightness and weren’t going to accept anything but your own point of view on things. And what’s funny is that you only chose the wrong House to pull this on. All the others would have had screaming fits and you would have had your lawsuit.” She chuckled as well. “You just had to choose freak House for your little game.”
I laughed at that. Yeah, I screwed up on that end and picked the one House out of a fair number that would even remotely think about doing this. “Yeah, but I think it did pay off in the end.”
“Oh… really now?” She quirked her eyebrow at me questioningly.
“Without that particular act of stupidity I would never have met you or have made as many friends. I would be stuck in a boring dorm room with someone who might not have been able to stand me.” I explained happily. Yep, the shrink was really helping me cope.
“There is that. I am glad that you are a lot less stressed. That panic attack you had before the beginning of classes scared the hell out of me.” Meredith hugged me at that.
“Me too.” I whispered, hugging her back. “I was so scared that I was going to die.”
“Well, it looks like you still have some life left in you Caitlin.” She kissed me passionately, almost taking my breath away. She headed to the bed, holding my hands in hers, looking at me through half lidded eyes. My heart began to race. “Let’s put that to good use. Shall we?”
Things get a little crazy for the pledge class and it makes Caitlin a bit stressed. Just what is she going to do in order to deal with the stress?
Nadia waited for all of us to be seated before she began. “Ladies, this is the work weekend. You will be working in the house and such. Saturday night, you get to find out who your big sisters are and you will be finished Sunday afternoon. There might be some uncomfortable situations for you but if you persevere through something we have all done, you are a lot closer to being a full Sister of this House.”
“Just so you are all aware, you will need to… dress up a bit for this. Don’t worry, no one will see you dressed in the various outfits except for your fellow Sisters. No men and no strangers.” I rolled my eyes at the no men line. Was it so easy to forget? “If you are not okay with this you can leave at anytime. This is just some harmless fun and that’s it. There is tradition in some of this, which is why we do this. So any questions?”
We all looked at each other and nodded in agreement. We were all sure that we could do this. I had been worried that Thuriya might have issues, but apparently, that wasn’t a problem.
Nadia smiled again. “Good. Now you have one hour to grab the things you will need for the weekend, which includes those of you who live here. Get your stuff and hurry back. The hour starts… now.”
She started a stopwatch and the group of us bolted out of the room, scattering in different directions. I headed upstairs and grabbed a bag. What the hell would I need? I grabbed a change of clothes and enough underwear for the weekend. I grabbed my toiletries and stuff, surveying everything. I had everything I might need, to the best of my knowledge. I sighed and headed back downstairs with my bag. I was surprised to see Alley already there. I had figured Dawn might beat me, since she was in the House as was Megan, but Alley actually didn’t live near enough to do this. How in the hell?
When she saw the confused look on my face, she just smirked at me, clearly amused. “I always have a change of clothes for the weekend in my car. After I spent a few weekends away unexpectedly without a change, I learned. Since then I am always ready for crazy weekends.”
“That makes sense.” I replied. She really seemed on top of things.
Dawn and Megan walked in together with their bags, chatting about her new My Little Pony fic that she was writing. Both had changed into more comfortable clothes than they were wearing earlier, as if they were preparing to work. I blinked a few times and sighed, looking down at what I was wearing. “I’ll be right back.”
I hustled upstairs. I wanted to get out of this skirt and into something comfortable like Dawn and Megan were wearing. As I got back into my room and made a beeline for my dresser, Alison came in with her bag in hand. My response was very dignified. “EEeeeppp!”
Alison rolled her eyes at that. “Please. Just change will you. I certainly don’t want my dress to get ruined by cleaning the House, so I need to put on something more comfortable as well. Don’t get your panties in twist.”
I tired to stammer something in response, but words failed as she pulled her dress over her head, just leaving the black and red Merry Widow, stockings and G-string she had on underneath. “I… uh… I… uhm… I…”
“Honestly Caitlin, you have seen a naked woman before.” chided Alison. She turned her back to me and began changing into some more comfortable underwear. I shook my head to clear it, especially the sight of the rose tattoo on her ass. After regaining partial sanity, I turned away myself and got dressed. I didn’t need to change my underwear, as I was good and I already had on my vagina. This was as good as I got at this point. I wasn’t even remotely what you would call sexy.
Once we had finished changing, the two of us headed down together, Alison chuckling at my discomfort. She was wearing a black tank top with a silkscreen of a green heart with red flames and jeans that had chains and belts all over them. In other words, she basically looked good, as usual. I was dressed in comfortable jeans and a black t-shirt that said Princess on it in frilly writing. Becca had bought it for me and giggled anytime I wore it around her. I kind of liked it, as it had grown on me. Is it wrong that I found it cute?
A few others had gotten there while we were changing and all of us were just waiting for Holly and Amy. Nadia came back in with her stopwatch adding to the tension, as she just stood there quietly, looking at the ticking watch. I was wondering if the two would get kicked out if they went over the hour, as it had to be close at this point. I could tell that the others were a bit nervous over this as well. We really didn’t want to loose either of them.
Finally Amy came through the doors, breathing hard like she had been running and Holly followed along behind her, carrying both of their bags in one hand. They made it with a few minutes to spare, and we all sighed in relief. Nadia seemed really pleased that everyone made it back in time. “Okay… here’s the deal. Tonight we are going to clean the house for a party that we are having tomorrow for all of the Sisters and any Alumni that wish to show. Tomorrow you are all going to prepare appetizers, decorate and basically get everything ready for the party. When the party starts you will serve the appetizers and drinks, dressed in Maid costumes. Towards the end of that party, you will find out who your Big Sisters are. After that… well, we’ll let you know.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. We had to wear a fricking maid’s outfit?! Man, they really were screwing me. Not that I was too stressed over it at this point but it was still a bit irritating. However, she had mentioned that this was a tradition thing, so maybe it wasn’t that bad?
“Now, let’s break you into your cleaning teams and get to work. We have a lot to do and we want to get it done as fast as possible.”
I got stuck with dusting, which I had never been a fan of. They gave me a can of some sort of furniture polish as well as a few cleaning rags and set me loose to take care of all the wood in the place. Thankfully, it was mostly the first floor that I had to worry about in all of this or I would never be finished. I guess it could be worse. I worked by myself as other girls were polishing silver, sweeping and mopping, vacuuming, cleaning windows and the like. Holly was actually using her repelling gear to clean all the exterior windows by hand. It was certainly a sight to see and she was having a great time bouncing all around the building.
Dinner was pizza, with a large number of different types of pizza brought in from one of the specialty places that was in town. I was a lot hungrier than I had thought and I ate several pieces of the Chicken Alfredo Pesto and the Vegetarian with extra cheese. They had even gotten several pizzas that Thuriya and Esperanza could eat, which were mostly the same ones I was eating.
We sat around and laughed about things, mostly funny stories about classes or people we met on campus so far this semester. Dawn had lots thanks to the Art department. There were even a few funny dating stories that really had the other girls almost falling to the floor they were laughing so hard. It was nice, relaxing and I think we were getting closer together as a group. They were definitely becoming my sisters, weird as that was to admit. I knew that I could trust these women with almost everything in my life and they would be there for me. It was strange, as I had never had any friends like this with the exception of Becca. I was still unsure of how they would take the reveal that I was a guy by birth.
It was a bit odd and that was actually worrying me more and more. I felt like I was lying to them all, like I was hiding some horrible secret from all of them. I hated feeling dishonest over this issue, but what recourse did I have? I liked all of these women and did not want to hurt them in any way. What needed to happen was for me to come clean with them and see how things turned out. I really needed to talk to Merri and Nadia about this, to get their advice before I said anything.
Nadia looked up at the clock and then smiled, as if she had something else planned for all of us. “Okay, just to let you all know, you will be sleeping in the Chapter Room. There are some sleeping bags and stuff in there so you can all be comfortable while you sleep. Before you guys sleep though, we have some home movies to show you.”
This did get me intrigued. Home movies? Of what? I wasn’t getting paranoid because I trusted Nadia not to do that to me, to simply expose me. She wouldn’t tell anyone about my situation in this manner, I was sure of it. Nevertheless, I still was kind of confused as to exactly what kind of movies we were going to be watching. It seemed that the other girl’s interests had been perked as well. Looked like it was movie time for our pledge class.
“Okay. Time to change for bed. All your stuff is in the Chapter Room, so get in there change and we will start the movies soon.” said Nadia to everyone.
We all changed and no one was really shy about it either, except maybe for me and Amy. Holly asked Thuriya about it and she just chuckled, “Remember, I’m allowed to undress and stuff in a woman’s presence. The party would have been more difficult if I hadn’t been able to.”
Holly blushed, embarrassed that she had forgotten something so obvious and that had been already mentioned. Thankfully, everyone was so busy changing that they never took a close look at me. Granted Alley was talking to me and sort of blocking everyone else, which was a great help. Soon we were all dressed in our pjs and getting ready to watch the movie. Nadia came in with a DVD case; Gwen was carrying bowls of popcorn.
The popcorn was soon distributed and Nadia started talking. “I hope you all enjoy this. Each semester, National sends us these videos to show tonight. Pledge classes across the US are watching their version of this tape tonight, each time zone doing it as a group. So enjoy.”
With that, she pushed play on the remote and the film started. Before I could catch her attention a middle aged woman came onto the screen and began talking. “Hello. My name is Elaine Cressley and I am the organizational head of our Sorority. By now you should all be familiar with our history, leadership and such. This is good. They are important bits of information that help make our House what it is today and will shape it into tomorrow. This is not what I am going to talk about.”
“What I am going to talk to you about however is what is most important to us all, Sisterhood. What makes this House work is the fact that people from divergent backgrounds, often from groups that would be slighted in the regular Sorority system, come together in the spirit of friendship to accomplish things, often great things. We are stronger together than we are apart.” Pictures of several famous members of the Sorority crossed the screen and it was an impressive collection of truly amazing ladies.
“You all should feel like you can become friends with each other, people who can accept everything about each other no matter how different it is and will support each other in all things. Sisters can have the closest of bonds or the worst of bonds. You have the chance to become family to each other and to the other women of your House. The choice is yours to make. This Sorority becomes what you make of it.
“In two weeks time, if you are still here, you will become a Sister of this House and of this Sorority. You will gain Sisters throughout this country and in several different countries as well. You will become a part of something larger, an organization dedicated to making sure all people can reach their dreams. But enough talk from me. Enjoy these videos. They are of your Sisters to be, from your House. Enjoy and good bye. I hope you become my Sister.”
Music started and up came video of a number of the girl’s from the spring pledge class during their work weekend. They were laughing and having a great time, looking cute in their maid outfits. Then it went back and showed each class of the House back farther and farther, into the eighties. It was awesome and inspiring. Watching all those other girls doing the same things we would be doing, dressing the same way, and having a great time. This would be me if I made it. I wanted this. I really did.
I wanted to talk to everyone, to share who I really was and let things fall as they may. If it was too much of a problem, I would leave, but I couldn’t do this anymore. I got Nadia’s attention and she said, “Caitlin, could you give me a hand with something. We’ll be right back. Gwen, could you start the next DVD?”
Gwen nodded as we walked out of the Chapter Room. I waved Meredith over as well. We were standing in the hall and I took a deep breath to slow down my furiously beating heart. “I want to tell them.”
“What? Now?” said Nadia, surprised by what I was saying.
“Nadia, I can’t lie to them anymore. If I am going to be a sister to these women I have to tell them the truth.”
“Caitlin, are you sure you want to do this? Once you say this it cannot be unsaid.” Meredith looked worried for me.
I nodded. “I am sure or at least as sure as I can be. I have to do this.”
Nadia and Meredith were looking at each other, and I could tell by the subtle body movements that they were talking without words. They both shrugged and looked at me. Nadia smiled tightly. “Okay. If this is what you want.”
“I do. And if it causes too much trouble I will leave. I just can’t do this anymore.” It wasn’t fair to be hiding his from them, especially when we were at the major bonding event of our pledge experience.
Nadia nodded. “Let’s do this.”
We walked back into the room and Gwen could tell that things were serious. I was holding Meredith’s hand and my heart was beating loudly in my ears. Gwen stopped the video and everyone in the room turned to face me. It scared the hell out of me.
“Uhm… everyone, I have something I need to tell you.” This got Alison’s attention and I could see the worry on her face as well as the surprise. She gave me a smile of support which really helped.
“I have loved being with you all and getting to know you, but I wanted to let you know something.”
In the pause where I was gathering my strength to speak Holly spoke up. “You’re a lesbian. We know that already Caitlin.”
“Uhm… Holly, that’s not it.”
“Than what?” she asked from where she was sitting.
“I… I’m a guy.”
The fallout over what Caitlin had to share with everyone begins and she is dealing with it so well. Well, maybe not that well...
“Than what?” she asked from where she was sitting.
“I… I’m a guy.”
The silence that fell over the room then was oppressive. I looked down at the floor, too embarrassed by all of this to look any of them in the eye. What must they think of me? I knew that this was a stupid thing to do, that I could easily have waited until we had become sisters, but part of me thought of it as a betrayal and I couldn’t stand it. I was sure that if I looked up I would see hatred in their faces and couldn’t bear that. Meredith squeezed my hand and I looked back up at the others.
“Is this a joke?” continued Holly, her eyes narrowed in anger and locked with mine.
“No, it’s not.” I replied quietly.
“Why don’t we hear Caitlin out before we jump to any conclusions?” suggested Alison, trying to calm things down.
“You knew, didn’t you.” accused Holly, turning to face the Goth girl. Holly was clearly heated over this and that wasn’t a good thing in my opinion. She was able to make things happen her way far too often for me to want to piss her off.
“I found out at the party at my apartment but that’s neither her nor there.” said Alison. “Can we just hear her out and the go from there?”
Holly growled out, “Fine.”
I looked over the faces of my friends and they were closed to me. There was surprise, shock, anger, and confusion but that was all. I sighed heavily and began to relate to them everything that had happened to me, and how I had gotten myself into this situation. I didn’t hold anything back and talked about how I felt about it as well. I wanted to make sure that they understood where I was coming from and what I was going through.
The looks on their faces changed some over the course of the story and that helped me a lot. It helped me to feel less cut off from them and helped me to continue. “So right now, I have gotten to relax over all of this and everything. I am in a better place about all of that. Look, I want to be a Sister of this House, I really do. I want to be your Sister if you’ll have me. I wanted to let you know now because it isn’t right for me to keep this sort of secret from you all. You are my friends and I didn’t want to keep lying to you about something like this. I don’t think it really changes things. This is still who I am.”
The room was quiet as people were digesting my words and then Thuriya spoke up. “So, you are not sure why you are doing this?”
“Well, I agreed to do this if I was let in and to be a decent member of this House. I am holding to my word, even though I had not initially wanted to do this. I had wanted to take the House to court for discrimination but Nadia and Sandra are much smarter than me it seems. This is something I said I wanted to do and I want to see this through to the end.” I clarified.
“So you are not trying to make fun of women?” She continued as if she was looking for something specific from me and I was at a loss as to exactly what it was.
“No, I am not. I know that I am not a woman but I am trying to be one to the best of my ability so I can be a true Sister of this House. Everyone has helped me to be Caitlin and not some guy in a dress.”
Thuriya nodded in thought. It was clear the wheels were turning. “So you are not doing this to try and do immoral things?”
“I always look away. I don’t want to invade your privacy. It kind of embarrasses me whenever I am in that situation.”
“But you have invaded our privacy, haven’t you?” asked Dawn.
I nodded. “I have.”
Nadia stepped in at this point. “The Sorority decided to allow Caitlin to join at the National level. Caitlin here has done everything we have asked of her and has done a good job of trying to become a full Sister of this House. Caitlin changed her whole life to join this Sorority. That is dedication.”
This bit of news struck Holly and she looked even more thoughtful on the subject. Nadia continued on, “You were all going to be told about Caitlin after your initiation, when you were all full Sisters. This is not something that would have been hidden from you forever. The decision was made not to tell you earlier as this is something the House is trying to keep quiet. Caitlin is under extra scrutiny because of this and has done nothing to make us question the decision to let her in.”
Alison looked right at Holly when she said, “I don’t have a problem with this. Caitlin has been a good friend to me and I don’t want her to leave.”
Nadia looked over the girls. “Does anyone here want Caitlin to leave, now that you know this?”
The room was still quiet and you could tell that everyone was busy thinking about this. My palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I was so nervous that they would reject me over this. I was trying to do the right thing here, wasn’t I? I began to feel lightheaded and wobbled a bit, closing my eyes to try and regain equilibrium. I wanted to face this, to deal with this on my feet.
My thoughts swam and I staggered some, bits of my vision sort of graying out. I grabbed Meredith’s hand tightly and she looked over at me surprised. She got hold of me and helped me sit down on the floor. My vision was swimming and my chest began to hurt some, the pain radiating down my left arm some. Sarah was quickly by my side, looking at me carefully. “Caitlin, you need to calm down some. It’s okay.”
She was listening to my heart as it raced and smiled some. “You need to stop having these panic attacks girl. They aren’t fun.”
I nodded, smiling a little and concentrated on my breathing, trying to slow it down and get calm. Sarah helped me, by talking me through the breathing and relaxation. This situation was nerve wracking and I hated it. Why did I have to go after this House. If had chosen any other stupid House I would have been able to do what I had planned and simply gone on with my life.
The other girls of my pledge group were hovering around nervously, with the girls of the House there as well. Meredith was behind me, holding me against her. Holly asked, “Are you okay?”
I nodded weakly. These things drained about everything that resembled energy right out of me. “Yeah. I get stress induced panic attacks apparently.”
“And this stresses you out?” asked Megan, obviously worried.
“Yeah. It can get pretty bad sometimes. I have gotten better at dealing with the stress, but I guess telling you all was a lot more stressful than I had thought.” I smiled, still a bit lightheaded. I leaned back against Meredith, resting my head on her shoulder.
Megan came up and hugged me. “You are still my friend Caitlin and I want you to stay.”
I hugged her back. That felt good. “Thank you Megan, that really does mean a lot to me.”
Devin soon joined in, then Alison and pretty soon I was buried under hugs from all of my pledge class. As we let go and everyone sat back, Devin asked Thuriya, “You know, I thought this might be a bigger thing to you. I though Islam had issues with transgender individuals?”
“That is true, there are a lot of issues about it but Caitlin is not mocking women in what she is doing. There have been several fatwas released on this issue and there is a recognition that if someone is having this sort of gender issue that it is a problem that must be addressed and to deal with people going through it compassionately. She said she wasn’t sure of her own gender right now, so to me it falls under the terms of the fatwas and the interpretations of the hadith. Al-Azhar has done study into this area and has released several interesting interpretations on the hadith and Qur’an. She is not doing anything illicit and is being herself. Where is the harm in that? Besides, to Sufis, there is a bit of madness in the search for Allah. Why would this search be any different?” Thuriya smiled sweetly, sure of her position on this issue. I kind of wished I had that sort of surety. She really seemed as okay about this as Alison was and that was blowing my mind.
Holly sighed. It was clear that she had issues but was giving in to everyone else’s point of view. “So long as you don’t peek at any of us, it’s fine.”
Alley looked seriously bent at Holly over this. She growled out, “When we changed just now, did you not notice that she was nervous and was trying to hide from our eyes? She didn’t want to be seen and caught. I was blocking her, so that she would feel less exposed. I think she was more embarrassed about changing with us than we could be.”
Brittany nodded. “I did notice that as well. I had wondered about it but that’s neither here nor there. But you look like a girl so much that it would be hard to tell. How did you do that?”
I pointed to Meredith, who just waved. I figured she was also smiling her ‘I’ve conquered the world’ smile.
Brittany just chuckled over that. “Figures.”
I looked up worriedly at the rest of my pledge class. “Are we good?”
Most of the heads nodded. A few didn’t and that worried me but that was another battle for another time.
Nadia spoke up. “Okay. Now that that is over, let’s get back to the scheduled events.”
The next DVD that she showed us was all about the House and the way the Sorority could help each of us to find jobs and help us if we were down. I liked that. It talked about the larger issues of Sisterhood and the responsibility we would have to each other.
Things had quieted down a lot by the end of that DVD and soon Nadia announced that it was lights out. The group of us was left in the dark Chapter Room, alone. I was a bit worried over what might happen, but not too much. No one really seemed that pissed off about things and I was sure that Alley had my back.
“Caitlin?” I could tell it was Holly by the voice.
“Yes Holly?” I replied, a bit nervous about what she was going to say.
“What is your name?”
“Caitlin. You know that.”
“No, the name you had when you started this.”
I paused. Did I really want to give that out? Would that give her some sort of hold on me? Would that make things less clear or more? I wasn’t sure but I thought that it might be a bad plan to tell her. Probably. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not my name at the moment so it’s really not important.”
“But it is your name.” insisted Holly.
I sat up and turned to face the direction of where Holly was laying down. “My name is Caitlin and it will be Caitlin until I graduate from here. What is wrong with that?”
“It’s not your real name.” stated Holly.
“Gah! Look Holly, until I graduate I am Caitlin Deirdre O’Rourke. That’s it. I have the identification to prove it. I gave my word that I would see this through to the end and until then that is my name.” I was starting to get upset. Was this really that hard to understand?
“Hey, calm down, both of you.” interjected Dawn, stemming off whatever retort Holly was planning. “Holly, that isn’t important. Caitlin is Caitlin. Now, can we work through this or not?”
A number of us seemed surprised by how forceful Dawn was. She always seemed so laid back.
Holly nodded, “We can work through this.”
“Good. Now we have to work together or none of us are going to make it into this House. Personally, I could care less who Caitlin was before she met us. All I really know about her is what I have learned since I met her. She has been a good friend so far and is someone we can count on. Doesn’t that count for something? Isn’t that more important than anything else?” Dawn really seemed like she was on a roll and it ran right over us.
Esperanza decided to throw her two cents into this discussion. “We now know that Caitlin was a guy, but so what? What does that matter? Caitlin is effectively a girl now. Can’t we just go from there and not stress?”
“How do we know this isn’t some sort of trick?” asked Amy, clearly bothered by this and it showed.
“Amy… don’t you think this is a bit much to go through for a simple trick? I didn’t go through all of this just to get a look at naked women. I did this in an attempt to better understand and fight for equality. I am not here to pull a trick on anyone or to ogle anyone. I am just here because I thought I was smarter than the women of this House and they called me on it. I felt obligated to follow through with my intention to join the House and I haven’t regretted it.” I countered. I was tired of this. Why would I pull some sort of trick on anyone? That wasn’t a very nice thing to imply and I was tired of this. I was trying to do the right thing by everyone. What was wrong with that?
Thuriya jumped in again. “Caitlin is trying to be open and honest with us. Can we at least give her the courtesy of letting her prove what she has said? Can’t we let her show us that she is our sister?”
There was some murmuring, as several of the girls conferred with each other in whispers. I could feel my stress level rising again. I really didn’t need another panic attack so I began to regulate my breathing again.
“Okay. Caitlin, you have another chance. You have been a friend to all of us and acted appropriately so far. Keep that up and there will be no problem.” said Holly, talking for the group as a whole.
I let out a sigh of relief. “I am sorry you weren’t told earlier. I just couldn’t go into this weekend without you all knowing that bit of information. I care about you all and don’t want to loose you as friends.”
Alison looked over everyone and said, “I for one will still be your friend regardless. This doesn’t bother me at all.”
“Thanks Alley.”
Dawn chimed in. “Can we get some sleep now? I am sure they have all sorts of fun and exciting work for us tomorrow and I want to be well rested for it.”
There were murmurs of agreement all around. We laid our heads down and slept. It took me a while to drift off, as I was still worried about everything that had happened. Did I make a mistake in telling them?
It is morning of the second day of work weekend and Caitlin and the other pledges are rudely awakened and tossed into another fun day of labor. However, the whole issue that was revealed is making things a touch uncomfortable.
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 18
I was woken up rather abruptly when an air horn went off in the room. I wasn’t the only person who jumped at that as it had destroyed any possibility of sleep. Gwen was standing there looking evil with the air horn and a clipboard, a huge smile plastered on her face. “Good morning ladies. First off, you all have twenty minutes to get cleaned up and ready to go for the day. Starting… now!”
We all jumped to our feet and bolted for the bathroom, fighting for stalls and sink space. It was completely crazy but we managed to sort of work together to make the whole damn thing work faster. That was a good thing. We all scampered back into the room on time and cleaned. Gwen just smiled that same evil smile.
“Okay, I have the breakfast team. You will all take off now to cook breakfast for everyone. The cook is in there to supervise what you do. Devin and Brittany, hustle on over.”
After those two took off, still in their pajamas, she grinned even more evilly at us. “Let me show you all your uniforms for the day.”
Two other girls rolled in a rack with a number of garment bags on there with our names written on pieces of tape. “Take your uniforms and change into them. Hurry up, since once breakfast is over your work begins. Come on hustle!”
We all froze for a second and then grabbed the garment bags that had our names. Dawn was the first to strip, not wanting to take the time to go to the bathroom and back. Everyone began to follow suit and I sort of blanched. Crap! What the hell was I going to do? Holly was glaring at me and I was unsure of what the new boundaries were concerning my changing. Alley and I got in the same position we used last night and I began disrobing, facing away from them. I really didn’t want to cause trouble and I knew that if I did anything that they might consider bad I was hosed. These girls were my friends and I didn’t want to upset them for anything.
In addition to all o that crap, we had more work to look forward to. I knew it wasn’t going to be too bad, as there really wasn’t a lot to do besides clean. More of the same as yesterday to be honest, but in maid costumes? I sighed and unzipped my garment bag.
The outfit looked like something more than a costume, as it was made of regular fabric and looked more like something a maid would wear for real as opposed to something they might wear for Halloween. Maybe the House kept those for each pledge class? That might be a good thing. Save them some money if this was something that every pledge class did.
Once I was dressed, Alley helped with getting my little cap put on. I really had no clue what to do with this piece of cloth. She pinned it in place and I guess I looked like a proper maid.
“Now that you are all dressed, let’s get you all to work.”
I was set to work vacuuming. That was fairly easy all things being equal and I was okay with that. A few of the girls were outside, trimming bushes and I was okay with being inside. I might be okay with being a girl for now, but I would rather not be wearing anything this revealing in front of, well everybody. I had looked out the window and had seen several of the frat guys across the street, enjoying the view that was on display. It bugged me a lot.
I looked down at my maid’s outfit and wondered if I was the only one this nervous about wearing something like this. I think a few others might have been nervous, like Thuriya. She had worn the outfit with the understanding that she would be somewhere where there was no chance of any guy seeing her. Everyone was happy to oblige her.
There was a lot of House to vacuum, as I had to vacuum something on every floor of the building, except for rooms. I even had to vacuum the carpeted runner on the stairs, which was annoying, as I had to balance the weight of the machine as I worked. When I made it down stairs and finally turned the thing off for the last time, all of us pledges were ushered into the dining room.
The tables were filled with dirty dishes, as the rest of the House had eaten already. The sight was pretty daunting and I pitied whoever was going to get that crap job. I would rather do anything else.
However, before the return to the salt mines, there was a table for us, with our plates already there. Nadia was there, smiling. “Okay ladies, before you get back to work I just wanted to let you know that Caitlin and Holly have clean up duty. Well, enjoy.”
Great, Holly was pissed at me for lying to them and now I had to spend time with her… fucking great. I was sure Nadia did it on purpose so that we would talk things out or something. I was worried that this would only make things worse as opposed to better.
Holly looked equally as pleased to have been given this job with me. This was going to be oh so fun and I was really looking forward to it. I was getting grief when I hadn’t done anything wrong, well, okay, there is the whole girl/ not girl thing, but other than that I did nothing wrong. Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother anymore.
Breakfast was really good. It was this strange sort of, well I guess you could call it a scramble, made with eggs, potatoes, various peppers and onions and all sorts of tasty seasoning. It was quite tasty and I know I really liked it. There was also homemade cinnamon rolls as well. That was a nice treat. The rolls made a nice contrast to everything and did provide instant energy. The meal was made of pure tastiness. But alas, all good things must pass. Far too soon for me, the other girls were leaving and it just left Holly and me standing there, trying to relax while she glared at me intently. I was wondering if I was going to burst into flames from it. When she finished this round of glowering, we both turned and got to work.
The two of us started at opposite ends of the room collecting plates, cups, and such and taking them into the kitchen. Since the whole House had been there to have this meal, there were a lot of them. I am sure they did this on purpose just to make us miserable. I sighed and went back to ferrying the stuff to the kitchen. I was kind of wondering about everyone else and what they were thinking about this whole mess with the whole girl/ not girl issue but we were all separated and I wouldn’t see anyone else until lunch.
All too soon the dishes were collected. Instead of leaping into the washing of the dishes, which we were told to do by hand, we decided to wipe down the tables. Instead of starting on the outsides and working in, Holly started on the outside and I started from the center, that way we would still be farther apart. Nadia came in a few times and watched us not working together and she did look a bit concerned. I shrugged as I wasn’t the one with the problem, she was. I mean, in a lot of ways this wasn’t my fault. The House made me do it.
As I was finishing up, I noticed that Holly wasn’t anywhere in sight and her rag was on one of the tables. I looked around a bit confused and then gave the sigh of long suffering. Seeing that she had been taken away before she had finished her tables I went over and finished the last of them off. No sense in not taking care of what had to be taken care of. My only worry was that it left the kitchen and the dishes as the only things left to take care of. I collected all of the things used in cooking breakfast and got them ready to wash, as I was sure someone would need to be using those fairly soon.
While they were sitting by the sinks, I wiped down the whole kitchen. I was starting to get concerned as I was still alone. Holly had been gone quite a while and I wasn’t sure what was going on. Should I go talk to someone and see if they had an idea? Was she being kicked out of the House? Was she getting things set to kick me out of the House? I didn’t know and it was making me a bit crazy.
As I put down my cleaning rag and started to head out of the kitchen, Holly came back in. I stopped in my tracks before I plowed into her. It looked as if she had been crying. This made me even more concerned and I asked, “Are you okay?”
“Not really.” She replied, rather morosely.
“Is there anything I can do?” I was a bit apprehensive, what had happened while she had been gone? Surely, she was still in… right?
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She really seemed upset and I had no idea what to do.
Since I was at a loss as to what to do in this case, I turned to our chore for something to say. “I can wash and you can dry if you want?”
“Whatever.”
That was apparently the best I was going to get out of her at the moment and I just had to cope with it. I sighed and started on the pots and pans that had been used making the tasty scrambles. We worked in silence for a while before she spoke. “I don’t get it. I really don’t. Why are you doing this?”
I was quiet for a moment to figure out the best way to say this. Trying to get her to understand everything about this briefly might be harder than I imagined. “Well, like I told everyone last night, it started out as a ploy to bust the House in terms of it being ‘unfair’. When things were turned on me, I had a couple of options before me, one was to tuck tail and run, which would make me look like a tool that was just fucking with them and I just couldn’t do that. The other option was to agree to all of this and still look like I was serious about what I had proposed, that I wanted to join. The longer I was here in this House and around the Sisters, the more I liked this place and the girls here and I kind of wanted to belong. So I decided to just relax into this and go with the flow.”
“Doesn’t it creep you out to be dressed like a girl?” Holly put down the skillet she had been drying and faced me. Things were getting even more serious apparently and my heart started racing even faster.
I stopped scrubbing the cookie sheet I was working on and looked at her. I could tell that I was close to a panic attack but I knew I had to take care of this. “At first, sure. It really bothered me. Hell, I have had panic attacks due to this. However, the longer I was dressed and such the less this whole situation bothered me. Right now, about the only thing that really bothers me to wear is the damn bra. What is up with those things? They feel good to put on sometimes and always feel good to take off. Are they purposefully designed to be painful after a while?”
Holly actually laughed at that. That helped my heart rate drift back down out of the danger zone. “Yea, I know what you mean. And sometimes they pinch you in the strangest places.”
“I know. The design is a bit odd and I have to admit I hate underwires. They always seem to poke me someplace and it makes me want to tear them off and set them on fire.” I grumbled.
Holly laughed at that. Apparently, it was a shared complaint. “I try to avoid those whenever possible for just that reason. They are great for a date, when you want more uplift and cleavage but otherwise… just a pain.”
“Well, thankfully, I don’t have to impress any guy with my cleavage. That would be a bit of a nightmare if you ask me. I have enough issues to deal with right now than to add some guy into the mix.” I was kind of glad that my relationship with Meredith was acceptable to the House and I didn’t have to date boys for cover. Those few times with I had gone out with Paul had messed with my head something fierce, especially the kiss and I really did not need a repeat of that.
“So you honestly aren’t doing this as a joke?” Holly seemed really sincere and I was relieved by that. Maybe what I had been saying was finally getting through?
“If this is a joke I figure that it is mostly on me as opposed to anyone else. Look, all I am trying to do here is to be a good Sister of the House, like everyone else. That’s it. You know, growing up I never really had many friends because I was the smallest and the weakest and many times smarter than those other idiots I had the misfortune to be in classes with. I got beat up a few times and was pretty much a loner for safety reasons. My friend Becca helped keep me sane and she was about my only friend I had when I moved. So, now I’m here and I have made all sorts of friends, people who honestly seem to like me, and it is overwhelming. So what if I have to wear panties and a bra to do this, to have these friends. I am just ecstatic to have people I can talk to that actually seem to like me.”
Holly seemed to ponder that as I handed her the cookie sheet I had finally finished. It was quiet for a while as I washed more pots and pans and she dried and stacked things up. Soon all the pots and pans were done and it was time to get to the dishes. I added some more hot water to help get more suds in that side of the sink. Holly chimed up at that point. “Why don’t you let me wash for a while?”
I smiled and we traded off drying rag for sponge. “Thanks.”
As Holly began to scrub the plates, she said, “You know, it wasn’t easy for me growing up either. I was a bossy little girl who was into strange things, like dirt, and that didn’t help me in the friend department. One of the reasons I got into climbing was that I got to be alone and not have to deal with any of it. Didn’t have to deal with the bitchy, prissy girls pulling pranks on me or calling me names. When you are up on a cliff face, a few hundred feet up, all alone, just you versus this rock, that is true freedom. It is an amazing feeling that I cherish and you get a better buzz than anything else in the world can give you. Look Caitlin, I know I may have overreacted a lot to this revelation but I did it because of my history with girls and pranks. My knee jerk reaction was that you were trying to pull something over on me. I’m sorry for hassling you over this. Friends?”
I smiled. “Friends. Thanks Holly. That really does mean a lot to me. I just want to be friends.”
“I think I can manage that.” replied Holly, smiling as well.
I smiled as I began to start drying the next few plates, taking them from the rinse water and drying them off. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off me and I gave a sigh of relief at that. This whole situation was getting more and more stressful as I went along and that worried me. Was joining the House really the best plan? Part of me wondered if I should just quit and call it a day. I was sure that wasn’t the best plan available to me in terms of some things. I was doing well as a girl, despite all the weirdness that seemed to go along with it. I was getting quite used to having breasts and all that stuff. I was honestly good where I was and that was really a weird feeling to have at this point.
Dealing with other people was still a bit of a problem for me. I was good to deal with people in the House, since they knew what was going on, but outside of that? I really was too nervous to talk to any of my classmates or anyone else for that matter. I felt like how I was dressed was obvious for everyone to see through and that when I overheard laughter I figured it was directed at me, laughing at the boy in a dress. I knew it wasn’t true but since when has the brain been able to deal with emotions? It usually runs screaming any time those pesky little buggers appear.
We finished up the dishes just in time for Amy and Dawn to come in and inform us that they were the ones preparing lunch. We wished them luck, headed out, and got back back to the grind of cleaning the House itself. This day was turning out to be oh so fun already and it wasn’t even lunchtime. Yippee!
Work weekend continues and Caitlin figures out more stuff about herself. But what is the problem now?
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 19
Lunch was pretty tasty and instead of doing more dishes afterwards, I was set to work polishing the wood in the Chapter Room. I was alone, which was a good thing as I figured I had a lot of thoughts to go over concerning all of this. I was still fairly sure that telling everyone the truth about me was a good thing, even though things seemed better with Holly before than. I didn’t know for sure yet if they were better or not, but maybe she didn’t want to beat me up or something any more. I could only hope that were true.
Everything I had told her, every reason I had given her about why I was doing this had been true and I was doing my best to be someone who this House would value. Things still didn’t feel all that natural yet, even after months of being Caitlin rather than Richard, but I could tell they were becoming that way. Walking didn’t require concentration, nor did my voice and I was pretty okay with all of this and with the exception of the bras, which apparently everyone had a love hate relationship with, I really was good. Granted getting to here had been an interesting journey in the Firefly sense of the word, you know ‘Oh God, Oh God, we’re all going to die’, but I could really say that as of right now I was fine living as a girl.
And you know what? That didn’t really bother me anymore, the being fine with being a girl. I was a girl in most ways right now and it didn’t really make my life worse. Well, okay maybe I wasn’t one between my ears and legs for the most part but outside of that… who could tell that I had been a scrawny geek at the start of this journey? I still had to wonder why other people hadn’t caught on about the me not being a girl thing? Was I more girl between my ears than I had thought and why didn’t that question bug me as much as it had before? Did I really come across as that much of a girl? I shook my head to clear it and got back to the dusting.
There were a lot of pictures in this room, of various Sisters of this House and from the history of the Sorority, including one fairly good sized picture of the founder. These women had really worked hard at making something good out of an untenable situation back in the day. Women’s education used to be a bit of a joke back then but they made it into something more, they made it into something that worked and helped women get to where they wanted to be. How could I not be impressed by that? How could I not feel honored to call these amazing women my Sisters?
That got me wondering about what other options I could have gone for in all of this. What if I had tried to join a Fraternity? Would I have even made the cut? Would it have been as fulfilling if I had made it? Would it have had as profound an effect on me as this had? Would I have made as many friends? Would that have made me become a better person to the same degree? Would joining a Fraternity have brought me the happiness I now had? Would it have done anything close to what this House and these women had done for me so far? Then again, would I have even wanted to do anything like that? Would I have wanted to join a Fraternity? Probably not. I mean, after all this started out as an attempt at justice and not anything more.
I worked hard, trying to make sure the wood glowed, which was not as difficult as you would think as I gathered it wasn’t really allowed to get all that dusty in here. The spray they gave me worked great and it was just a matter of spraying on and wiping off for the most part to make sure everything looked good. That certainly must have been what made this harder work easier. I couldn’t imagine what it would have taken before they had the spray stuff to get the same effect out of the wood. I had heard about people using wax or something on wood to make it look like this or oil and that kind of scared me. It must have taken forever to do a room like this, let alone a whole house. The amount of suck involved must have been tremendous. Looking at some of the pictures of the older Sisters and thinking about it, I figured that they must have known that fact intimately. I sort of felt sorry for them for that.
This really was an amazing bunch of women I had managed to hook up with and I was honored to be here, but I had to stop standing there woolgathering and get back to work as this wood wasn’t going to clean itself. In a short while, when I was pretty close to finished, Nadia came and got me, “Caitlin, that looks great. Once you finish this up we have something else for you to do.”
“Oh?” What did I have to do now? I only hoped it wasn’t more wood polishing as my arms were really tired.
“Come on. Follow me.”
I followed her to the sitting room where all the other girls in the pledge class were already waiting. Once I took a seat near Alison, Nadia began. “Okay. You girls will have a few hours to rest before dinner and the start of tonight’s fun. Be prepared as you will all have to sing the House song and then you will get your Big Sisters. After that… well, we’ll get there when we get there.”
Big Sisters? Wha? Oh… now I remembered. Meredith mentioned something or other about us getting mentors at one point in this whole process. This had to be that. I wondered who I was going to get as my Big Sister? If it were Meredith, would I be committing some sort of strange Sorority Incest thing? I stopped thinking along those lines and tried to think of something else. That way led madness.
All of us sighed and sank into the chairs and couches, happy to be doing something other than standing up. A couple of hours of rest would be nice after all of that work. Nadia continued, “I will come back to get you guys in a few hours. You are not to leave this room and if anyone needs to use the restrooms Gwen will escort you. I will have some drinks sent over and some snacks. By the way, the House looks beautiful. You all did an excellent job.”
I got a warm fuzzy from that, as I had worked hard both yesterday and today and to have someone recognize that effort was a good thing. She left and all of us sort of slumped even more. After a few minutes of silence, Amy looked around and asked, “Does anybody have a clue about what they’re doing tonight?”
Dawn shrugged, it was clear that she really didn’t care. “I doubt it. My guess is that it will be fairly low key as all we are really doing is getting our Big Sisters.”
Esperanza smiled at that. “That might be nice. This weekend has been too exciting already.”
A couple of the others chuckled at that and I looked down and blushed when I caught the smirk and the wink directed my way. Was it really my fault that my confession had been a bit more exciting than I had hoped for? Okay, it probably was but I didn’t have to like it. I had just been trying to be honest with them.
“Well, excitement or not, I am just glad for the break right now.” said Megan, her eyes closed and her face towards the ceiling. “Besides, I have a few new fic ideas in my head that I want to work out.”
A few of the others giggled at that, me included. Amy asked, “So what’s this idea about?”
“Uhm… well… you don’t want to know, do you?” asked Megan, clearly hoping for a no. She would certainly be disappointed in that one.
“Yeah, that would be great.” replied Dawn. The others agreed. I smiled at her apologetically.
“Well… I am doing something about one of the ponies entering a special group of them and all the stuff that they have to go through to become members.” Megan’s face was pretty red by then, the color even going to the tips of her ears.
A couple of the girls snickered at that and Dawn chuckled out, “My Little Sorority.”
Holly, ignoring Dawn said, “So… writing about what we’ve been going through?”
All she could do was nod and examine her shoes, her face glowing like a beacon. The slight teasing wasn’t bad natured and it seemed as if Megan knew that as well. I had read her fic but I still hadn’t gotten the whole My Little Pony thing. It must be one of those girl things that I cold only get if I had grown up a girl rather than sort of become one later on. What was weird was that despite a lot of prep work that the House had helped me with there were still gaps in things I knew about being a girl, things that were connected to simply growing up as one. Maybe I needed to bring this up with Meredith or maybe even the girls here? I wasn’t sure and I furrowed my brow in concentration as I thought. Would this be a good thing to discuss or not.
As I pondered this, Kerry came in with some cold iced tea and some snacks, smiling at us as she dropped them off. I barely glanced at her, since I was still running things through in my mind and not really paying attention to anything else.
“Are you all right Caitlin?” asked Esperanza, cocking her head to one side.
“Uh… yeah… well, mostly. I just don’t get the whole My Little Pony thing and I was wondering if it had to do with the whole issue of me not growing up a girl. It makes me wonder what other stuff I don’t really get because of not growing up a girl.” I admitted a bit hesitantly. It was one thing telling them the truth about me; it was another to share the deeper things about this situation.
“You mean like periods?” asked Amy curiousy, which caused me to blush.
“No, I have heard a lot about those, way too much about those in my opinion but I know I needed to know that. Hell, Meredith makes me keep track of a calendar and what that means. I know abut the bloating, clotting, cramps, and all that fun. No, I mean things like games played, movies watched, books read, that sort of thing.” I did know way too much bout that particular subject and how it would apply to my role as Caitlin. Like the fact that if you left a tampon in too long you could get toxic shock syndrome, or that there was often water weight gain. Or even the sorts of thing like what made a person choose between pads, tampons, sponges and Diva cups. As I said, too much information.
Everyone sort of blinked at me when I said that. Devin looked at me about as surprised as the rest of them but asked, “You keep track of a non existent cycle?”
I nodded.
“Why?” It was a fair question.
“Meredith and Nadia thought it might be a good idea for me to have a better idea of the bodily cycle that women go through. It is a bit odd, you know, not actually feeling that, but it has made me more aware of other people and their cycles.” I replied, growing mortified. Could we not talk about periods?
“Oh… that makes sense. So the other stuff?” continued Devin, dropping the subject to something less… well bloody actually.
“Well, I have only had since this summer to learn things and I figured things must have fallen through the cracks. I mean Megan is all about these My Little Ponies but I really don’t know anything about them or any other dolls or toys or books or anything that a girl might have read or played with while growing up. From things I have overheard, that sort of thing comes up every now and again and I am at a loss for what to say if asked about it.” I confessed. This was one area in which I was at a complete loss and it was something that had apparently gone past my trainers, which was a surprise.
“Well, we can help with that.” offered Alison. “I mean, between the group of us we can cover the basics of a lot of that stuff and help you to decide what fits you best and what doesn’t.”
“Good point. I mean, there are a lot of different books out there and shows and the like. It would make sense that you would have some favorites that were different from others. Okay, here’s one, what is your favorite Disney movie?” asked Dawn, clearly getting into this whole idea.
“Uhm… Beauty and the Beast. Belle is totally awesome and the music is incredible. I think it should have won an Oscar.” I admitted.
Megan smiled. “That one works. I really loved that one as well. What about books? What was your favorite book growing up?”
I had to think about that one as I had read all sorts of books while growing up and narrowing down a favorite might be difficult. “I had several. I love The Lord of the Rings and I did get a kick out of Alice in Wonderland.”
A few people chuckled at that. Alison replied, “Yeah. I liked both of those. I kind of wanted to drown Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm and Anne of Green Gables though. They were far too chipper for me.”
“I loved them.” whined Megan to no one’s great surprise. “They are both great books and the characters are great. There are some really sweet moments in them.”
“I preferred Nancy Drew myself.” commented Amy.
“I was a big Winnie the Pooh fan. Tigger totally rocks.” said Dawn.
“Judy Blume was much more my style.” answered Holly.
“Alf layel wa layla was my favorite.” said Thuriya. “As well as Khalil wa Dimna.”
Everyone turned to face her, clearly confused by what she had just said. “Hunh?”
“Oh… right… A Thousand Nights and a Night and Khalil and Dimna.”
That seemed to click with everyone and got some laughter once people realized what the books were. Well, all except for one. I had never heard of that last one. Alley quipped, “What were you favorite stories? Sinbad?”
“I liked almost every story with a Djinn in it. The magic was pretty awesome, though I have to think that Ala-a-din was a bit of a dork for using magic like he did.” replied Thuriya.
“Yeah, magic shouldn’t be used to bring you a happily ever after.” commented Esperanza.
“Brittany, what was your favorite book growing up?” I asked, noticing that she hadn’t really joined in on the conversation which was a bit odd, as she was usually all over things.
“I really liked The Lorax.” Her voice was a bit subdued, which was a bit strange and got everyone’s attention.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I am wondering if I did the right thing by joining up.”
This immediately got everyone’s attention focused solely on her. A couple of worried looks passed between several of the others as she continued, “I mean, sometimes I wonder if this time is being well spent. I mean, I could be going over lines or something but instead here I am cleaning some place that isn’t even mine.”
Holly sat forward in her chair, looking right at the actress. “Is that the real problem? I mean, after this semester is over there aren’t these kind of constraints on our time any more. It is just one semester of this stuff and then we are in. Can’t you hold out for a few more weeks? We really are at the end of this.”
Brittany looked down at the floor, her hair covering her face. Her voice sounded so sad. “It’s just that, well, am I really a Sorority girl? I mean, are any of us?”
I sat forward to talk. I think I had a pretty good grasp of this particular situation. “Brittany, remember that this House is different from the others. This House accepts all of us for who we are. We don’t have to fit into a specific mold here, we just have to be ourselves, live our lives our way and go after our dreams. I mean, hell, they accepted me and I am generally the wrong gender for a Sorority. If they did that, don’t you think that you are what they are looking for in a Sister as well?”
“Let me think about this, okay?”
We all gave her the space she wanted but unfortunately, that also took the wind out of the previous conversations sails. We spent the rest of our break time talking in small groups, eating and drinking. Alleycat and I talked about various things, like her favorite films as a kid and the like. The only downside is that it wasn’t the same as talking with everyone else. All too soon, time passed and now we had to get ready for the party. Brittany still seemed a bit down and that made me worried. Was I going to loose a near Sister?
However, before any resolution could be made on the issue with Brittany and her wanting to leave, they came for us. Gwen was standing there, at the doors smiling at us. “Come on ladies, time to get cleaned up for dinner. You have thirty minutes.”
I was allowed back to my room to get ready, as were the other girls who lived in the house. The rest of the girls were using the bathroom downstairs to get ready. I was fine with that. I really didn’t want to shower and stuff in front of them. That was way, way too much sharing.
When I got to the room Meredith was there working on a psychology paper that was due Monday. She looked up as I came in and smiled happily. “Hey there. I’ve missed you.”
I came over there, gave her a hug, and kissed her. This was what had been missing last night. “I missed you too. They’ve kept us busy.”
“Yeah, they do that. So, are you looking forward to tonight?” she asked.
I nodded, “I am. I’m also a little nervous about things. I am not sure what I’m going to have to do.”
Meredith chuckled, clearly amused with me. “Don’t stress Caitlin. Now get going and get ready. You need to get back downstairs quickly, so don’t dawdle.”
I grabbed my shower stuff and headed right for the bathroom. One of the showers was already going and that had to be one of us, probably Dawn. I just shrugged and got in, my need to be clean and sweat free overcoming my curiosity at the moment. The warm water felt wonderful as I just stood underneath the showerhead, letting the water trickle over me and the jets massaging my scalp. I sighed happily and then got down to the business of getting cleaned.
It felt good to be clean. I wrung the water out of my hair and grabbed my hair towel. Once it was up in that I grabbed my towel and dried off. As I began brushing my teeth Dawn came out of the other shower. Oh my god she was hot. Her body was beautiful and tanned and I was really struggling not to stare. Dawn just smiled.
“It’s good to see that you aren’t into guys.” She teased.
I stuck my tongue out at her, which made her laugh. “I am a happy lesbian, thank you.”
Her laughter got louder and we were both soon laughing. I grabbed my stuff and headed back to the room. Meredith was still there working on her paper, which was nice and she made appreciative noises as I got undressed. Nothing like getting leered at by your girlfriend to make you feel attractive. I shook my head in mock disgust and opened my closet to try to figure out what to wear.
I grabbed a pair of comfy jeans with some embroidery around the bottom and up one leg and a comfy peasant top. I wanted to be comfortable and since we had been told that there wasn’t going to be anymore work today I just wanted comfort to be the primary theme but I also wanted to look good. Maybe this stuff was starting to get to me?
I was certainly not the first one back there, but I was also not the last. I went over to Alison who still looked good in her casual goth. “I wonder what they have for us to do next?”
“Well I talked to Nadia and I am a bit worried. First we’re going to get spanked and I heard her mention orgy.”
I got wide eyed and stared at Alley. When she started laughing at me, I knew it was a joke. “That’s not funny Alison.”
“Yes it is. Sometimes you are so gullible that it astounds me.” She gave me a hug and I stopped being huffy.
Soon we were all back together in the room, waiting to head into dinner and whatever torture awaited us. Nadia didn’t leave us waiting all that long thankfully. “Let’s go ladies.”
The dining room seemed to be filled with members, more than I actually ever recalled seeing at an event here. Why were they all here now? What did they want with us? I felt like I was on display and I didn’t like that. Part of me wanted to run, but another, louder part was excited. I really did want to know who my Big Sister was.
Nadia lead us to the front of the room and we stopped, all in a line. Her smile was kind of evil when she looked back at us, all things considered. She spoke loudly enough to be heard over the crowd. “Before we eat I thought it might be nice to have some pre-dinner entertainment. Ladies, please sing the House song.”
We all looked at each other nervously and then Holly took a deep breath and started. We all quickly joined in, singing the song that had been written when the Sorority was founded. I am still embarrassed by all of this so that is all I am going to say about that part, except to say that I did blush down to the soles of my feet. I am not the best singer in the world.
We were allowed to scatter, and talk with some of our friends once the embarrassment was over. I sat down between Gwen and Meredith and hung my head, the tips of my ears still red. Naturally my friends could not help themselves when they said, “Oh Caitlin, you sounded so good up there.”
“Shut up.” Can you die from blushing? They way things were going I just might, and I found that it didn’t bother me. While there was a hotshot medic at the same table as me, I was sure that if I just died of embarrassment then and there, there would be nothing anyone could do to save me. I still can’t believe they made me sing.
Dinner was great. Well, the food was usually great but somehow this tasted better. Might have been the stress? But the food was nice. Dinner ended up being a nice safe haven away from the insanity of being a pledge. Nevertheless, that safety could not last.
Once we all finished eating, Nadia had us all come up to the front again. “Sisters, these are your pledges for this Fall. We are going to sequester them and bring them out, one at a time to grill them about their knowledge of the House and the Sorority. If they fail, they will be asked to leave. If they succeed, they will get their Big Sister. Are you ready?”
All the girls cheered excitedly and my heart started racing. Test? There was going to be a test? I knew they had us memorize everything under the sun about the House, but a test? I wasn’t sure I would be able to do that.
Gwen led us off, leaving Holly behind to face the music first. As we walked I could hear, “Sisters, this is Holly, the President of the Pledge class. Let’s start with her.”
Before we could hear more, the doors to the room we were lead to were shut, locking out the sound. Several people looked nervous, and I could start to feel my anxiety begin to ramp up. Dawn came over to me and gave me a hug to comfort me. “Relax Caitlin. It’ll be okay. I don’t think they are trying to fail us. If you stay calm during this, you will remember things better, okay?”
I nodded. Alison came over then and helped me get calm and stay calm, as they next took Thuriya. Alley hugged me and looked me in the eyes. “Thank you for helping me stay in. I was so ready to quit during Pledge Week, but you helped me through that. Now I have a lot of new friends and people I consider my sisters regardless of what happens in the end. So, thank you.”
I took a deep breath and that helped me to relax even more. “Thank you Alley. I don’t know if I would have made it through this without you.”
She grinned at me and said, “Hey, what are friends for?”
She was taken next.
One by one the other girls were taken from the room until I was the only one left in there. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting but was probably a few minutes, the doors opened and Gwen lead me out of the room. I was taken to the front of the room where we had sung and stood in front of the sea of faces, some I knew and some I didn’t. I was trembling inside. I hated this.
“Sisters, this is our last Pledge from this group, Caitlin. She is special because of the circumstances that brought her here to our House, which you all know about. But that doesn’t cut her any slack.” Nadia stepped back from me and left me there all alone. I almost felt as if I was standing there naked and maybe I was going to be sick. If I could leave and go hide somewhere I think I would be overjoyed.
Sandra called out. “Say the Pledge.”
My mind went blank and I searched my mind for the answer. I wasn’t even sure I remembered my own name at that point. Finally the words came and I could sort of remember. I relaxed as I spoke, sure in my answer. By the end, the whole audience was saying it along with me, which was pretty cool.
Then I had to recite the Greek alphabet, talk about the history of the Sorority, the House and such. The answers flowed off my tongue quickly. I knew this stuff and that helped. It didn’t really feel that stressful at all.
Nadia stepped forward once the questioning finished and stood next to me, “Well Sisters, does she pass?”
The cheering washed over me and I smiled, proud of what I had done. I had never felt this way, people cheering, for me. My heart shook happily and I felt a bit floaty. I really hoped I didn’t faint. “After a good bit of debate we have Caitlin’s Big Sister. Caitlin, your Big Sister is… Gwen!”
Gwen came up to me and gave me a big hug. I didn’t know what to say and I was flabbergasted by the choice. Gwen? I think I started crying, I don’t know for sure. Nadia continued, “Okay, Caitlin, assume the position?”
I looked at Nadia confused, what? What was she talking about?
“Bend over and grab the chair.”
I think I blinked at her a few times before I complied. I was going to get a spanking? Did this mean Alison’s information wasn’t false? Orgy?
Gwen stepped up behind me and got this… paddle with the letters of the House engraved in it and painted with various things on it. It actually looked really pretty, with some daises and stuff on it. She grinned at me and gave me the first swat.
Thankfully, it wasn’t all that hard but my butt was certainly warm after the ten swats she gave me. Nadia helped me stand up and Gwen and I hugged again. As the girls in the audience cheered, she whispered in my ear, “Congrats little sister.”
I know I was crying by then.
Nadia then called out, “Alright, now that the business is done, let’s party!”
Another loud cheer filled the air.
Meredith came over and handed a beer to both Gwen and me. I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek once her hands were free. “Congrats sweetie.”
This was a bit overwhelming, I was almost a full Sister of the House. Step by step I was getting closer to the end of this, or was it a new beginning. I was living a girl’s life and experiencing things I had never expected to. I was bumfuzzled and I was wondering about what was to come. I didn’t know so I drank my beer.
“Excuse me?” A male voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up, rather surprised.
The guy in front of me looked familiar and then everything clicked. “Paul?”
He grinned at me and seemed happy to see me. “I thought it was you Caitlin. How is your semester going?”
I gestured invitingly to a chair as I answered. “Not too bad. Rush is going great and I am doing pretty well in my classes as far as I know. Nothing crazier than normal is going on. What about you?”
He took the proffered seat and replied, “Not too bad. I’ve just staying really busy between the Frat and school.”
He chuckled a little and smiled as that. I grinned and asked, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“Yes.” I understood his answer as it was true for me as well. While part of me would have appreciated no doing things, the busy meant I was learning something, or at least that was how I took it. I am sure other people’s mileage might vary.
“That’s nice I guess.” I did like Paul and if things hadn’t been working out with Meredith who knew where that might have gone. He made my head spin in a way that was confusing and delightful. Not exactly good for me as there were enough internal questions about who I was.
I was about to say something else to him when a movement behind him caught my eye. My eyes widened in recognition and my heart sped up as a vision right out of one of my nightmares was walking this way. A familiar Quarterback was moving towards us, Thomas Fairbanks and my fight or flight kicked off really hard. I tried to think of something, anything that would hide me and only one thing came to mind. I grabbed Paul, pulled him in close, and whispered quickly, “Kiss me!”
He complied without hesitation, our kiss deepening out of necessity and just a bit of desire. Again, it was making me light headed and I was afraid of swooning in his arms. My arms were around his neck pulling him into me or me into him, I wasn’t sure. My attention was partially split between following Thomas and getting lost in the kiss. Damn Paul kissed well.
After a few minutes, he let me go and we both were panting slightly from the experience. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I could feel myself blush. “Uhm… thanks.”
“No complaints here. So what brought that on?” He was laughing at me. Not on the outside but it was clear that inside he was laughing at me.
It was a fair question even though I was a bit embarrassed to answer it. “A nightmare.”
“Hunh?” Paul could be so erudite sometimes.
“Okay… I have had this nightmare a few times of this asshole jock from high school catching me here and bad things ensued. Really bad things ensued.” The explanation was kind of weak but it was fine. I hoped. I really didn’t want to go into more detail if I didn’t have to.
“And this nightmare scared you so much that when you saw him here all you wanted to do was kiss me?” Paul looked a touch amused and confused which didn’t help me.
“I wanted to run, but that would just draw attention to me. I figured that hiding from people by kissing someone else was a classic and just might work for me, since you were here.” I admitted, blushing furiously. I wanted to head back to the House and hide in my room, maybe even my closet for as long as I was on campus. Was that a bad plan?
“I can promise Caitlin that I wasn’t offended. Thank you for that by the way.” He smirked at me. “But I should let you know that I have a guy I am interested in.”
This perked me up. Good news that had nothing to do with me making myself look stupid. “Really?”
He grinned. “Really. He plays Rugby and is very hot.”
I chuckled some at that. “Like jocks, eh?”
Paul rolled his eyes playfully. “Whatever.”
He then looked at his watch and then frowned. “Oops, got to go. I have class soon. Take care Caitlin and if you need to hide some more just let me know.”
“You too Paul.” I watched him leave and smiled. I was happy for him. He found someone just like I did and that was a good thing in my book. Meredith had made a lot of things better for me and I was pretty okay with that. Life was good.
I collected my things and left as well. I saw no reason to tempt fate any more than I had to by remaining in the University Center. I made it out to my car with no sign of Fairbanks anywhere about and was happy about that. I needed to get out of here for a little bit, as that was way, way too close for my comfort. If I had been caught things could have gone very bad very quick.
Becca didn’t answer her phone, so that left her out. She was probably in class now that I thought about it. Meredith and Gwen were in classes. I called Alison to see if she were busy. She actually answered her phone which surprised me a bit. “What’s up Cait?”
“Not much. Just had the shit scared out of me by an apparition from my past over at the UC. Can I come over and hide for a while? I really don’t want to be even near campus.”
“Sure thing. Hustle on over. I was just getting ready to watch Lost Boys if you want to join me.” She sounded excited, which made it sound like a good plan to me. Besides watching a Goth movie with a Goth sounded like it might be really fun.
“Need me to pick anything up?” I asked, wanting to be a good friend.
“Oh… yeah. Could you grab some orange juice? I can make us some Fuzzy Navels. I even have some vodka if we want them a bit stronger. Parts of the movie are really fun when you are a bit tipsy. And if your day was crap it can’t hurt.” She sounded excited over that. Honestly, given what had just happened or rather not happened, it sounded good to me. Booze it is.
When I reached the store, I walked on in, planning on grabbing some of the good juice for this. There were some glass bottles of organic Valencia juice in the produce area and that just sounded like just the thing for Fuzzy Navels. I loved that juice anyway so how could adding alcohol be a bad thing? I grabbed a thing of that and spotted something else that made me grin huge. It was the perfect Orange Juice for Alison and I had to get it. It was a Need. There was really no question about it in my mind. She needed this like other people needed air. She needed this like I needed sanity. I grabbed some and took off.
Once at her apartment, I handed her the paper bag with the juice in it and I headed into the living room. If I had stayed in there with her I would have blown it, I was sure of it. I turned at the loud squeal and saw Alison sort of dancing, holding the thing of juice, hugging it off and on. She even kissed it once. She put it down and rushed into the room, leaping over the sofa and grabbing me into a fierce hug. “Thank you thank you thank you!!!”
She then surprised me with a kiss to my lips. My mind turned off, I was so stunned by her action and had no idea what to do. She hugged me and then bounded back to the kitchen. While I was trying to figure out what had just happened, I could hear her singing some sort of Cure song while she made the drinks. I blinked a few dozen times, trying to reboot my brain. She kissed me. Alison kissed me. She kissed me.
What the hell??
She? Me? Hunh?
Alison came back in, still sort of bouncing happily and sat down next to me, handing me the clear glass with the thick pulpy red juice in it. “Cheers!”
We clinked glasses and she started the movie, sipping happily from the drink. The drink was bitterer than I had ever had before, but not in a bad way. It was very tasty. The bitter juice balanced nicely with the hefty amount of Peach Schnapps she had added. I really, really needed this as my mind was whirling between seeing Thomas and Alley kissing me. Things did not make any sense, they really didn’t. Time to drink heavily, I thought. I mean, was that really a bad plan at this point?
By the end of the movie we were both fairly verschnockered, between the blood orange juice and the Valencia what had drunk. We both stood, sang along with Jim Morrison and danced around like we were both tripping hippies, which I guess wasn’t far from the truth. When that song ended, we collapsed back onto the couch and giggled. She turned to me and asked, “Wanna watch Lost Boys 2?”
“Any good?”
“Nope!” She grinned. “I’m hungry. I want some Lo Mein and Rice. What about you?”
Thinking back to the scene in the movie with the Chinese food I giggled. Chinese sounded like just the thing after Lost Boys. “Lo Mein sounds good. Garlic Chicken?”
She giggled and lightly slapped me on the arm, saying, “Silly woman, we can’t have Garlic Chicken. We’re Vampires.”
We both laughed some more at that and I then said, “Well, how about something Hunnan-y?”
“Like my Poonany?” She stumbled her way to the phone, laughing some more at her own expense.
“Your Poonany tastes all Hunnan-y?” I asked, tittering at the idea of anyone tasting like that naturally.
“Ssshhhhh! I’m ordering.” She struggled with not giggling at the person taking her order.
I didn’t pay attention to her ordering as I was now looking over her DVD’s to find something to watch next. I spotted something familiar and put it in the DVD player, chuckling over how great it would be to see Alley’s reaction. I turned off the TV so she wouldn’t figure out what it was until I started it, because it would be too perfect. She flumped down and I managed to focus enough to get the remotes to work.
When the My Little Pony movie came on she started laughing and we both tried to sing along with the theme song, slaughtering it horribly. A short while later there was a knock at the door, prompting us to pause the film and she went over to the door, paid for and brought in the food. We laid things out on the coffee table and munched a little of everything. We had Fried Wontons and Eggrolls as appetizers, then our noodles, rice and Hunnan Chicken for the meal itself. It was really good.
As we ate, sobriety began to return, which was a good thing in my opinion. The only downside is that I had to wonder what sort of crack I had been on to even put the My Little Pony movie in. I mean, the My Little Pony Movie? I had to have been seriously smashed for that choice to have made some sort of sense. We stopped it when we realized that it had stopped being funny and put something else in. That helped, as I wasn’t sure I could deal with more singing horses in pastel colors. Everyone had their limit and I had reached mine.
We both sat back on the couch, full of tasty Chinese food and content while we watched The Adams Family, floating in a nice haze of booze buzz and food pleasure. It was a much better film choice than the one I had made that was for sure. I sighed, “This is nice.”
“Yeah, it really is. So what happened today that freaked you out?” asked Alison, eating some more Lo Mein.
I told her about my close encounter of the Neanderthal kind earlier and the dream I had during Rush where the jackass had figured prominently. She nodded in understanding. “Well, your slight panic makes so much sense now. Has this helped you to calm down?”
“Yeah. I feel a lot better.” I sighed, there really was a weight that had lifted off of me. “This really did help.”
“Good. Then everything is taken care of for now. You ready for this weekend?” She asked, smiling.
“You mean the whole weekend thing ending with Initiation?” I clarified. I mean, sure, there could have been something else going on but I kind of doubted it. I was still a bit tipsy which was part of the problem.
“Yeah. I am excited. We made it this far, all in one piece, without losing anyone. I am stoked about this and I had signed up for this whole thing as a joke, to make fun of the perky bitches in all the other Houses. You really helped me to see a different side to this whole thing and for that I am really grateful. Thanks Caitlin.” Alison smiled at me.
I shrugged. “Well, I couldn’t just let you think that all of these Houses were the same. Our House has some amazing women in it and they are so accepting. I would never have imagined when I came here that I would actually be looking forward to being some sort of weird Sorority boy but I really am looking forward to becoming a Sister of the House. I am really excited and can’t wait. All of this has been worth it because of the awesome friends I have made.”
“Yeah. This has been a long strange trip Caitlin, but it has most certainly been worth it. Thank you for being my friend and making sure I stayed for the ride.” She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.
Life was certainly good.
I headed downstairs and spotted Dawn, who was currently helping Kelly, set up the food table in the dining room. It was going to be another House party with just the girls in the House and any Alums that wanted to stop by and for that I was grateful. I helped with finishing the set up as I had a lot of nervous energy and then it was time to meet.
Everyone from the Pledge class was there, waiting for whatever strange thing was headed our way. Since things were right down to the wire, most of us weren’t talking, just waiting for whatever was next. As if on cue, Nadia came in, “Alright ladies, I wanted to tell you that you have been a great Pledge class and it has been a pleasure to have gotten to know all of you. Now, tonight is the last night before you are initiated into the House. There is a tradition in this House, in this Sorority that was begun by our dear founder as a sort of preliminary… event before your initiation. Nothing mean is meant by this, we have all done this, each and every Sister in the Sorority and you are supposed to have fun going through it.”
Holly raised a hand, breaking Nadia’s stride, “And what is it?”
Nadia sighed and then smiled. “According to one of our oldest traditions, the night before Initiation the pledges go through one last test, to check their resolve to living a new life. So, as such, their Big Sisters will diaper them and the Pledges will be treated like babies for the evening.”
Holy crap? What the fuck? I was stunned as were many others. I know I stood there with my mouth open just blinking in disbelief. Nadia continued, recognizing our looks for what they were, “This event symbolizes the sort of rebirth that occurs when you become a full Sister of this House. It shows a commitment to grow in this House and to become more than you were before. This is the last challenge you face before becoming a member. If you do not think that you would be able to do this you can leave if you want, but that would mean you are leaving the House. I’ll give you a few minutes to decide.”
Nadia left and closed the doors. Once they were shut everyone began speaking at once to the point that I couldn’t really hear myself thinking. Holly quieted us down quickly. “Okay… if this I really the last test, is everyone in?”
Several of the other girls bit their lips in thought. I knew where I stood despite how screwed up this whole thing seemed. I actually wanted to get in this House and this would just be a weird topper to this strange experience. “I’m in.”
Megan nodded, as if that helped her make up her mind as well. “I’m in as well. I think I can do this.”
Alison laughed. “Man, this is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. I totally have to do this or I would leave feeling that I had given up just because things got a bit outside my comfort zone.”
Thuriya frowned, “This is way outside my comfort zone.”
Holly looked over at her worriedly, “Too far outside?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. To know that all members of this Sorority have done this helps. I have met a few other Islamic Sisters online and if they did this, then I guess I could do this.”
Holly said, “I don’t want you to do something that will make you feel bad.”
“And that is why I can do this. If my Sisters are with me it should be fine.”
Slowly it seemed as if all of us were okay with this crazy idea. We fidgeted nervously, all becoming very aware of each other and ourselves. Nadia came back in when Holly opened the door. “Well?”
“We’re in.”
Nadia grinned, looking honestly pleased with this decision. “Great. This whole thing isn’t that bad… honest, just a bit different. Let me explain what is going to happen. In just a moment, your Big Sisters are going to take you to their rooms where they will change you for the party. Once you are all dressed, you will come downstairs and the party will begin. You will be dressed like this all night, have to drink at least one bottle, then you can use sippy cups, things like that. Then tonight, your Big sisters will put you to bed and tomorrow we have some things to do until your Initiation tomorrow night. Is that clear?”
We all looked at each other and silently conversed with looks and gestures. Holly looked back at Nadia, “Will there be any men around or will we have to go out in public?”
Nadia shook her head. “Nope, you all stay inside the whole time. This is one of the House secret traditions and we don’t share it with anyone not Initiated. Now, shall we get started?”
We all nodded our heads. What the hell was going to happen now? Everything else had been easy but this one really changed things. Soon enough, I was being led by the hand to Gwen’s bedroom, my old room before getting together with Meredith. She gave me a hug once we were inside. “I am so excited Caitlin. You are my first Little Sister. This is cool. Now do you have any questions before we get started?”
“Uhm… yeah… are we able to use the bathrooms?” This was a kind of big issue in my mind, seeing as they seemed to be taking this baby thing seriously.
“No, except in one condition. I know, it’s kind of ooky but I had fun when I went through this so don’t stress over it. Also you get to keep the outfit I got you. It really will be okay Caitlin. A lot of Sororities do something similar, but apparently we go a bit over the top with it, go figure. It’s fun. Do you trust me?”
I sat on her bed and pondered this issue. It was crazy and strange but I guess not as strange as me being in this House at all. I mean a guy in a Sorority? Who would ever believe that? We had all agreed to do this, so why should I balk now? “I trust you.”
“Okay, you get undressed and I’ll get everything ready. Okay?”
“Sure.” With that, I began to undress and I got down to my bra and panties.
She turned around and I could see that she had laid out the usual stuff for babies and there was an adult diaper sitting there on a towel. I closed my eyes and reminded myself of why I was doing this. If I could actually live as a girl and not spaz surely I could do this for one night. Gwen looked at me and said, “Well, you can leave the bra on but you are going to have to loose the panties.”
I nodded and pulled them down, blushing furiously. I was wearing the new vagina that Meredith had made for me, because it made me feel… I don’t know… safer some how but I did feel just as exposed.
She laid me down on the diaper, helping me get centered on it correctly. It felt strange and I told myself that it would be okay. God, I hadn’t felt like this since this whole thing started. She covered me in baby powder and then she closed it up. Once that was done she helped me up. “Ready for your dress?”
She went to the closet and pulled out this baby pink dress with frills and ruffles all over it and the outfit looked like something you would put on a doll, not on a person. I felt like I was seeing someone I knew pulling out an evil magical item to use it on me. “Hurry up, we need to get downstairs.”
She put the evil dress on me and made me step into some loose lacy panty things. I felt like an idiot. Then came lace ankle socks and Mary Janes. Once I was properly dressed, she was messing with my hair doing something to it; my guess was giving me pigtails. Once she was finished with that, she clipped a pacifier on the dress and stood back to look at her work. She squeed, “You look so cute.”
I groaned. Of course, it had to be cute. She took several pictures and then led me downstairs to get to the party. I got to see all of the others there. Alley was dressed like a gothic baby, which was impressive and amazingly enough, looked fairly normal on her. Devin was in a dress with Barbie on the front and seemed amused by this. Megan’s had My Little Pony on it and she was blushing furiously. I guess the Big Sisters did put some thought into this in terms of getting clothes for us, but why was I stuck in something so obnoxious. The last few stragglers came up and then we were all there, dressed like big babies. It was strange and we all fidgeted nervously.
Sandra came up then and looked over us all, smiling, clearly pleased with things. “Your Big Sisters should have explained everything to you by now. Stick to your Big Sisters and have fun.”
Then the party started. The other Sisters of the House came by and oohed and ahhed over us quite a bit. I felt very strange when several of us were photographed time and again with different sisters. Meredith came by with a bottle and handed it to Gwen. Gwen smiled and handed it over to me. “Here you go Caitlin! Have fun with your nummy baba.”
I took the bottle, looked at it, looked at Meredith and Gwen who were looking intently at me, to see if I would do anything. I sighed, realizing that I might as well get this over with. It took me a while to get the nipple working, as it was not an easy thing to get the hang of but then I got a taste of what was inside, some sort of chocolaty almond drink that had me moaning happily. I kept pulling at the bottle, trying to get more of the tastiness out. It was good and motivated me a lot more than most anything else might have.
I brought the bottle down. Gwen grinned at me, “Will that work?”
I nodded, “This will work.”
Once the drinking began, the fun really started. About an hour into the party, it turned out Holly was the first of us to be changed. The Sisters sang a silly song about it while Holly stood there blushing, being led out by her Big Sister. Esperanza was hamming it up with Brittany, having a lot of fun and seemingly had few issues with all of this. It was probably a Buddhist thing.
Brittany was next and she sang along with the other sisters, having apparently picked up the song after hearing it once. She even did a little dance which made me laugh, which had the unfortunate consequence of me needing a change right afterwards.
As Gwen led me out of the room, the song started again and I had to laugh about it. Okay, despite how screwed up I looked in this dress I was having fun. The various girls were coming together thanks to this and I was meeting girls I hadn’t been introduced to yet, as well as a number of Alums, who were telling me stories of their Baby Night. The Sisters of the House were clearly having a great time as well. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as I had thought.
After my second bottle, I had apparently upgraded to a sippy cup, which was nice as I wanted to have more of that chocolaty goodness. At some point, I was talking to Alison, who was amazingly adorable. Somehow her Big Sister had gotten baby style bows for her pigtails that were black and had skulls on them. I had never even thought that there even could be something like this. “I have to say, you look great Alley.”
“Thanks Caitlin. This dress isn’t so bad. You know, this outfit is great and I am definitely going to be wearing to the club a few times to get some extra wear out of it. I am sure that it will get a lot of comments.” Alison looked pleased by this.
“I look like a frickin doll in this.” I grumbled.
“You look cute Caitlin. All of us do, so just relax, have a drink and enjoy.”
It was then Amy’s turn for a change. Alison and I joined in on the song, then giggled. Okay, that part was kind of fun. The song was cute and certainly helped break the mood, keeping things fun rather than embarrassing. “So how are your classes going?”
“Not to bad. I am leaning more and more towards Linguistics, as it is really cool and the teacher for the Intro class is pretty nice, even though he is a TA.” She took a drink out of her sippy cup.
“Cool. I am still a bit unsure about what I am going to do. I have been looking at some of the major non-profits out there and they look good and I guess being a lawyer would help me out there. What do you think?”
She looked thoughtful for a moment, which was cute because of the pigtail bows. She was incredibly adorable in that outfit. “Look, don’t worry about that yet. Follow your bliss and try to figure out who you want to be. The rest can be taken care of later.”
We both paused, and I looked down at myself and then back up at her. We started laughing. I tried to speak between laughs, “I… I am working… on it.”
Gwen came by to check on me, looking at the two of us quizzically. A lot of the order of the party had faded by this point. “Need a refill?”
I shook my head, “Not yet. I still have plenty.”
“Need to be changed?”
“No, I’m good.” I smiled at her.
We then drifted towards the food, as I was getting hungry because I hadn’t had anything for dinner. They had all sorts of finger foods laid out and it was impressive. I had some of the sandwiches and a few of the gyoza and pirogues. It was all pretty tasty and very filling.
Things grew blurrier as I had more of that drink. After my second or third change, there was one point where the whole pledge class was dancing together to YMCA, giggling at the way our dressed bounced along with us. It was a hoot. I knew there were lots of pictures and video taken of the event, but I could barely remember who had taken pictures of who.
There was one other bit of fun during the evening. At some point, all of the members of the Pledge class had pictures with our Big Sisters and then one with the whole Pledge class together. I was looking forward towards getting to see how the pictures had turned out. I was sure they would be really cute.
When I was stumbling and yawning, Gwen took me back to my room. She changed me, hung up my dress, and put me in a cute nightgown she had gotten that was also the same color of pink. When I lay down, I pulled my bear into my arms. It had been a weird night but I had to admit it had been a lot of fun. A hell of a lot more fun than I thought it would be when the night started. I yawned again and then closed my eyes. I fell asleep as only the drunk could. I was probably snoring for all I know. I cuddled my bear to me as I fell asleep.
Looking at myself in the mirror, with a glazed look in my eyes, I realized that I needed a shower and coffee, maybe food if my stomach would just stop rebelling. Thankfully I was not at the vomit stage of things, as that would be really irritating. Wanting to get out of the wet diaper and get clean, I grabbed my shower stuff and sort of shuffled towards the bathroom in the way that barely conscious people do. I crinkled. A lot.
Several girls were already awake and saw me, smiling at the sight. Apparently I looked cute or something in my nightgown and crinkly diaper. Just what I needed. Once in the bathroom, I undressed, took off the diaper and threw it away, then got into the shower. The warm water helped and as I began to wash myself, some degree of consciousness returned. That helped me and I sighed happily under the stream of warmth.
I dressed fairly quickly, in a comfortable jumper and sandals, and headed downstairs in search of food and coffee. My hope was that there would still be breakfast available. Luck was with me as there were still some waffles and scrambled eggs available. Apparently, I was earlier than I had thought. I happily devoured that and sipped down my good sized mug of coffee. A huge cappuccino mug was just the right size for this and I had heavy cream and sugar in the raw in the mug to help give me more of a boost. I needed to wake up.
The food and coffee was just what my system needed and made me more conscious, to the point of nearly being fully awake. Now I might be able to deal with my day as it was supposed to be pretty wild, or maybe that was just the evening. I honestly couldn’t remember. The rest of the pledge class trickled in, with only Esperanza and Thuriya not looking hung over. Those two beamed smiles at the rest of us and a few people growled back. This got several people to laugh at everything. I had to admit we had to be funny looking from the sober side of things.
After everyone ate some and were looking more alive, Nadia came up and proceeded to explain what was up, “Okay. You girls have to leave the House for a while since we have to get everything set up for your initiation. So if you could come back to the House at five, all in a group, that would be great.”
“So you have nothing planned for us today? No crazy games or anything?” asked Holly, trying to clarify the chain of events.
“That’s right, nothing. What you should do instead is to sit down and honestly think about if this initiation is what you want to do and if this House is the right place for you. If you are sure, show up if not then don’t come here to take an oath you don’t believe in.” Nadia looked at each of us as she said that. I was sure I wanted this already, but then again, I had to go through so much more to get into this House. I had earned this place.
We grabbed our stuff for the night, those of us who lived there and we headed off to Alison’s apartment, which had sort of become the groups little haven. Dawn, Devin, and I headed straight there. Once we got there, the three of us all sat on the couch and sighed.
“Just think… this whole thing is almost over.” said Devin.
“Yeah… I am liking that.” added Dawn. “I am looking forward to not having to do all those strange pledge things, like those diapers. That was a bit out of it.”
Devin blushed and said, “I thought it turned out to be fun.”
“You guys want something to drink?” called out Alison, breaking that line of thought before it embarrassed Devin any further.
The others called out their drink requests and I got up to help. Alley was busy filling the drink order when I entered the kitchen. “Can I give you a hand?”
“No thinks. I got it. But can you grab the chips.”
I grabbed the bag of Salt and Vinegar chips from the top of the fridge and headed to the living room behind her.
Alison had put in some sort of strange Sorority film where one evil Sorority used Magic to compel people to do things and then there was a nerdy geek House that was fighting against them, also using magic. We laughed, even though we were supposed to be worried by the tension, based off the music and the way it was filmed. It was a pretty silly attempt at a horror movie. The others filtered in over the next hour and a half, carrying the clothes they were going to change into and stuff. Holly brought more food as well.
We just sat around, drank, watched bad films, ate Chinese food, and generally had a good time. It was nice and relaxing. I was content and happy with my life. That of course didn’t last.
Esperanza commented, “You know Caitlin… if it weren’t for the statements of the others, that you are actually male, I would never believe it. You just seem like one of the girls.”
“Yeah, one who doesn’t have to cramp.” grumbled Amy. “Of all nights to have started.”
I swallowed hard, feeling a bit awkward and out of place with this turn of discussion. What did I know about periods?
“There is that, but I have to admit, you really are one of us Caitlin. I am glad I gave you another chance.” said Holly, looking a touch embarassed.
“I am sorry that I lied to you guys at the beginning, but would you have been okay with me at the beginning, without having gotten to know me?” I asked.
Thuriya smiled at me. “Caitlin, think about this. I have no problem having my hair being uncovered around you. That is a major thing for an Islamic woman and for a while I worried about it, but you come across to me as a young woman so why not treat you like the maiden that you are portraying instead of the man you say you are?”
I was beginning to tear up as that did mean a lot to me. Learning about her culture certainly put a spin on things. “Thank you Thuriya. That means a lot to me. It really does. You guys are some of the first friends I have made in my life. Hell, until I started this crazy stunt I didn’t really have any friends. You guys changed all of that by accepting me. Thank you.”
Alison beamed at me, with possible the widest grin I had ever seen from her. “What are friends for.”
I was hugged then, by several people and it was nice. I knew that these women were my friends and that was not going to change any time soon. This, this friendship, was one of the big reasons that I was going to keep this up after the Initiation and remain as Caitlin. These women were my sisters in all ways but blood and I didn’t know what to say about that. I was honored to be in their presence and touched that they had included me in their group.
Holly looked at the clock and cursed. “Crap, we need to get ready. We only have a little over an hour and one bathroom.”
“Well, you can change in here or my bedroom if you want. The bathroom is only big enough for one person.” offered Alison.
I went into Alley’s room and got ready. I had a lovely cocktail dress in blues and greens that looked really good on me that Gwen had found on sale but I didn’t want to wear granny panties under it, because the panty lines would totally have showed. There were a few others in there with me changing and a few stopped what they were doing and peeked at me when I took off my panties.
Megan gasped out, “Holy crap, you have a vagina!”
I blushed and moved to cover myself, feeling utterly exposed and naked. What I didn’t expect was the rush of girls to the room all clamoring to see.
“You have a vagina?” asked Dawn, clearly confused.
“I… I… I… I…” I think my brain short circuited at that point. I gibbered weakly.
Alley came up and rested a hand on my shoulder, comfortingly. “It’s okay Caitlin, no one is mad. We are just wondering is all.”
“I… uh… Meredith made it and my breasts.” I admitted slowly.
What screwed me up was the next question and from who. Thuriya asked calmly, “Can we see it?”
My ears were burning I was blushing so hard. What the hell? They did say I was one of them and maybe this would be okay. I nodded and uncovered myself.
“Ooooohhhhh.” was apparently the general consensus when they saw me.
“It looks so real.” stated Megan, who had leaned in to get a closer look.
“Meredith matched the hair?” commented Holly, who was a bit dumbfounded and clearly impressed.
“That’s incredible.” said Dawn.
I just nodded and wished I was dead and in a hole. I had no clue what to say and I almost wanted to run and lock myself into the bathroom and maybe never coming out. This was so embarrassing, exposing myself like this.
Alley pushed my hands back, covering me. “Okay… shows over ladies, unless one of use wants to drop our drawers and show off our vaginas.”
People agreed that we should stop the gawking and they dispersed to continue with getting dressed. I turned to face Alley. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Hurry up… we don’t have much time.”
I pulled on the thong I was going to wear and got everything settled. I was quickly dressed and was putting my necklace on, nearly ready to go. Everyone else seemed done as well.
Holly looked us over and smiled, “Girls, we look great. Come on let’s get Initiated!”
With that, we all headed into the cars and took off. The drive to the House was thankfully short, as I think the anxiety was beginning to kill some of us. We walked on in and we could see that some decorations had been put up, mostly crepe paper and a few things that reminded me of Christmas ornaments. The House looked great. Nadia walked up to us and grinned, “Right on time. Excellent. Come on into the sitting room for a bit.”
We all went in and took seats. I guess this whole girl thing was taking hold as I barely registered the fact that I swept the skirt out from under me so the fabric would not bunch up and get massively wrinkled. Nadia continued, “Okay… just so you know what is going to happen. You are going to be blindfolded and then taken into the Chapter Room. You will be led in there by your Big Sister. You will be asked some questions about the House and our history. It will not be anything you don’t know. We have covered some of this stuff weekly so it is something you should be familiar with. Then, once the Sisters are satisfied with your knowledge, the Initiation will begin. At some point, the blindfolds will be taken off. And then you will be a Sister of this House. Any questions?”
Nobody seemed to have any questions at that point so Nadia nodded and called out, “Gwen!”
Gwen came into the room with a box and began handing out black blindfolds to all of us, which were more black sleeping masks as opposed to anything else. I nervously pulled one on and remained seated, unable to see anything. This whole thing was crazy but my quest was almost over. I had challenged this House and it had answered by being far more accepting and open than anything I had ever imagined a Greek organization to be. I was going to be joining a group of women who had accepted me, helped me become who I now was, became friends with, and were making my life more amazing than it had been. This was what I wanted and having to be a girl was pretty much a non-issue right now as the benefits far outweighed the weird. I was okay with where I was, who I was, and what I was wearing. It wasn’t like clothes actually made the man, or rather woman in this case.
“Ladies, please stand.”
We all stood and I felt someone take my hand and arm. I figured it was Gwen, since she was being all Big Sistery and she squeezed my hand comfortingly. I squeezed back.
“Since you are all ready and no one has any second thoughts we can begin. Ladies, it is time.”
Caitlin's initiation is taking place and her head is spinning about that. Where will she go from here?
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.
Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 24
Being blindfolded was a bit strange, but I was sure that nothing bad would happen to us as these girls did like us, well, at least me. We were led into the Chapter Room and it felt like there were a lot of people in there, as there was just this… I don’t know… pressure everywhere. It was clear by the occasional sounds of shifting weight and feet that it was packed as well. It was a bit disconcerting.
Once we were completely in the room, the doors shut with an almost ominous noise and we were pushed gently to our knees. As we knelt there on the wood floor a voice called out, “Who brings these Pledges before us?”
“We do!” replied the various Big Sisters that were standing behind us.
The rest of the ceremony is private Sorority business so there is no real reason for me to tell you and thus break my oath to the House. I can tell you that the ritual was very moving and I was certainly crying by the end of it when we were helped to our feet by Sandra, our blindfolds removed, and then all of us hugged. That was the beginning of the fairly huge hug fest and every person in the room hugged us at least once. I may have gotten a few people twice.
I noticed that some of the people in the room were not Sisters of the House but rather older women dressed far better than anyone else in here. They didn’t look like they were in the wrong place and this threw me as I had no clue who they could be, but before I could really ponder on this issue, the whole group of us new Sisters were ushered into the dining room which had been all done up for a party. It looked great, with the streamers and the big ‘Congratulations’ banner. There was plenty of finger foods laid out on a table and a few dishes we could use to feed ourselves all nice and arranged for easy snacking. There were plenty of drinks as well, which was also good. I grabbed a plate and loaded up on some food, as I was a bit hungry. I had been so nervous today that I hadn’t eaten well. It looked like I would be able to make up for that now.
I sat down at a table, sighing in relief and then it hit me. I was in a Sorority. I wasn’t just a Pledge anymore I was actually a Sister of this House. I, Richard O’Rourke, was a Sister in this Sorority. My head swam a little at that. Man, what a change from what I had gone into this expecting. I had expected taking them to court and now here I was, dressed as a girl, having become a Sorority Girl or rather was that a Sorority Boy. Hell, I didn’t even know anymore.
I sat there a bit dumbfounded for a bit before I turned to start nibbling at my food. As I was eating a wonderful cucumber sandwich the older women came over to the table with Sandra. The head of the House said, “Caitlin, I would like to introduce you to the President of our Sorority, Elizabeth Heasley, and several of the members of the National Board.”
My eyes popped wide at that. National was here? For this initiation? Why? Me? But? I gaped like a fish in my surprise and apparently, they found that particularly funny. I found my voice and stammered out, “It is a pleasure to meet you all.”
Mrs. Heasley sat down next to me and said, “Actually the pleasure is entirely ours. We have heard good things about you Caitlin.”
I turned to face Sandra in surprise and she smirked at me. It figured that she had something to do with this. “Caitlin, you wanted to join our House and we called National about it. Didn’t you think they might want a progress report or two?”
“Honestly, you have kept me so busy I never even had a chance to think about it, for which I am thankful.” I shrugged. That was the truth. If I had thought about that too much I probably would have had more panic attacks.
“So I was wondering what you thought of all of this?” asked Mrs. Heasley.
“You mean becoming a Sister in this House?” I clarified, wanting to make sure I knew what I was answering before I spoke. See, I can be taught.
“Yes. We are wondering what you thought about this whole thing?”
I paused and thought things threw a bit, in order to organize my thoughts. “It hasn’t really been all that easy, honestly. There have been some pretty tough moments of juggling which world I was in but I am happy to have gone through it, that’s for sure. I made a lot of great friends and I am happy about how things have turned out, overall. I still believe that this was a good idea and that my reasoning for doing this was sound.”
“I am glad to hear that.” said Mrs. Heasley. “I know this couldn’t have been easy for you but I am glad you stuck through this all.”
“So am I. This has really changed my life in a lot of ways I have never imagined. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.” I smiled at her, making sure it was clear in my voice just how much this had meant to me.
“You’re welcome. Honestly, when Sandra got a hold of us this summer, I have to admit we were curious as to what exactly you were up to. Nadia told us what your plan was and you know that case would not have worked, right?” asked Mrs. Heasley with a slight smirk.
I blushed and looked down at the table. “Well, I do now, but then I had no idea. I thought this would fit the parameters for a decent case. Sorry.”
Mrs. Heasley laughed. It was a hearty, good natured laugh. “If you hadn’t done that then our House would not have had this opportunity for our own growth, so thank you for doing this.”
I blushed; a bit embarrassed to be thanked for something I had determined to be a stupid plan. I had really made myself look like a jackass over this when this whole misadventure started and here the National President was thanking me for doing it. My life was getting stranger and stranger by the moment, which I guess was becoming par for the course. “Well, I learned a lot and this experience certainly has changed my life, that’s for sure.”
“I am glad to hear that. This Sorority’s mission is to help people change their lives and achieve their dreams. If you got something positive out of this, then it is a success all the way around. We are planning on having a vote over the summer, about if we should allow Transgendered individuals and maybe even some guys who are interested in Sisterhood into the Sorority. You have already had a positive effect on the Sorority Caitlin and I cannot wait to see what you do from here.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Heasley. I will try to be the best Sister of this House that I can be.” I promised. She was really impressing me.
She reached out and patted me on the shoulder. “I am sure you will.”
With that, she left me to continue eating and I sat there sort of stunned for a bit before I returned to the task at hand. I was almost done with my plate of food when Meredith came up and sat down next to me. “How are you doing Caitlin?”
“I don’t know. Basically, I feel rather odd. I was just thanked for doing this and I am not sure if it has fully registered that I am a Sister of this House.” I just sort of sat there, the cup I was holding just sitting there almost forgotten in my hand.
“You are a great Sister Caitlin and everyone likes you. I think this has been good for you.”
I smiled weakly and had a sip of my drink, its weight reminding me that it was there. It helped me find my voice. “Thanks, Merri. I… I just…”
Words really failed me. Meredith hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. She rested a hand on my cheek and said, “I am going to mingle some more. See you back at the room?”
“You bet.” When she left I sat there for a little bit, finishing my plate off before I headed outside. I needed some fresh air and maybe that would help me clear my head. The air was a bit nippy but not too bad. I was mostly comfortable and not worried enough to bother getting a sweater or something from the room. Besides, I really had no interest in climbing all of those stairs. There were a couple of other girls out there talking but no one from the Pledge Class. I was okay with that.
I sat down on a bench and looked up at the stars that peeked through the partly cloudy sky. This had certainly been a long and strange trip ever since I had showed up here before school started. When I had gotten here, to this town, I had never even remotely imagined this moment. I was a girl now, which was quite possibly the biggest divergence from what I had planned for my college years but more than that I was in an effectively lesbian relationship, in a Sorority and what was worse, I was enjoying it. That was a major change from anything I was used to.
Sure, being a guy would have been nice, but how many of the opportunities that had enriched my school so far would I have encountered if I hadn’t done this? I had tutors for my classes who were pushing me to excel, more friends than I had ever had before in my entire life. I had a lot of things going right for me and even my mom had to agree that was the case. This had been a long, strange trip and I had honestly only started on it. Where I was going I really had no clue yet. I guess the next three and a half years would tell.
I had some more to drink, watching the stars and losing myself in the chatter going on around me. This was nice, like the few times I had gone to parties in High School, where I sat alone, left to my thoughts. Part of me had missed that, being surrounded by friends all the time.
A familiar voice from behind me asked, “Can I join you?”
I turned and looked over at Alison. She was smiling at me and I smiled back, happy to see her. “Sure. Take a seat.”
She sat down on the bench and we sat in silence for a little while before she said, “Caitlin?”
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to let you know that I am really grateful that you convinced me to stick with this. I have had a great time and I love being a Sister here. I would never have actually gone through with this if it had not been for you pushing me. You were my inspiration.,” admitted Alison.
I blinked a few times in surprise before I protested, “But I didn’t do anything.”
“You really did, Caitlin. Just accept it.” She grinned at me. “Because of you I am even thinking of asking a few of my friends to try out for the House in the spring.”
I smiled at her, happy to have become her friend. “Thanks. That would be pretty cool, having a Goth night or something as a party.”
Alison laughed at that idea. “Yeah. It would be pretty cool to do something like that and I can certainly help people get what they need for the outfits. I do like the fact that my grades have never been higher, thanks to the House.”
I chuckled, as I was a fan of that as well. “They do like their studying here. They made me study for hours for being Caitlin and that was before classes started. I think it really has been helpful for me as well, grade wise. I just wish I had a clue as to what I want to do with my life.”
She leaned over and gave me a one armed hug. “Don’t worry about it, Cait. I am sure you will think of something before your four years are up. I thought you wanted to be a lawyer.”
I shrugged noncommittally. “So, we made it, hunh?”
“We did. Here’s to us.” We clinked our plastic cups together and drained them in one long pull. She took my glass and headed back into the House. She called back, “I’ll be back with a refill.”
Once again, I was left alone to my thoughts. I looked up at the stars and tried to figure out what the hell I wanted to do, who I wanted to become. I figured that I had several years before I really needed to decide between being Caitlin and Richard, but more importantly what did I want to learn? Who did I want to become through my studies, as my mom had been clear that what I learned would change who I would be? I certainly understood that now after this experience.
Questions were all I had right now and the stars were not sharing with me any answers. All I knew at that moment was that I regretted nothing about joining a Sorority and that this House, the Sisters I met, and the friends I had made were going to see me on my way to whatever future was out there. I had become Caitlin and I was okay with that. Where I went from here was left to the future.