Hilbili Luv n da Cumptr Aag
buy Genfur Su
*****
Jun 10 9pm
Jerry Lee, u wont b leav wat ah dun 2 nite! Ah savd a qut gurl! She wer gona jump offa da brige 2 da rode rite n front o 1 o dem big dubl lung truks dat runs ona inrstaat! She wer stanyn ona wal dang neer da midl but ah run up n grabd er b4 she culd jump. She wer kryn n strugld a bit at furst but den hugd me sobyn er hart out. Da drez she wer waryn wer ript n bludy. Sum dum ass dun beet er up! Wen she wer dun kryn, ah axt who dun it 2 er. Sayd it wer er steppa! Ah tol er 2 call da sharf but she wont. She sayd she wont go bak hom eeder. Wen she tryd 2 get awae frum me ah held er tite n kizd er rite ona lips! It wer mah first kiz n ah got a bonr! Ah maid shur not 2 let er see it! N e wae ah tol er 2 cum hom wit me n she dun it!
Ma wer pisd off at wat er steppa dun 2 er but unerstud y she din wan da sharf involvd. Ma sen me off to mah rum wile she help da gurl cleen up. Ah’m rityn dis wile dey ina bathrom. Ah hoeps ah get sum tym aloan wit da qut gurl tomora. Ahl wryt u den n tel u wat hapnd.
Ur fren,
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 10 10pm
Jim Bob, u is sew luky! Ah wish ah culd fin a qut gurl 2 bring hom.
Hay, u here wat hapn 2 ol man York? Sumbodee dun shot im ded! Dey thin Billy Joe dun it cauz no 1 sene im sinz den. Ah wont blam Billy Joe 1 bit on acont of how ol man York whupd im al da tyme sinz is ma dyd. Ah thin sum 1 shot ol man York n dun taak Billy Joe caus der no way he evr gots duh guts 2 kil n e 1. Sherf got lots o folk lukyn fer Billy Joe but ah dont thin dey evr fyne im.
Kepe me postd ona qut gurl you fond. Dew u no er naam? She sond mity gud.
Ur fren
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 11 9pm
Jerry Lee, ah din no da gurls naam til dis aftrnon but she b reel qut! She wer helpn ma wit brekfst wen ah cum down dis mornin. She wer waryn 1 a Marys ol drezs. She b lukyn gud init, betrn Mary evn tho she not got mutch up top yet. She wer 2 mbarasd bout how ah dun savd er 2 evn luk at me. Da litl bit ah seen o her faz wer blak an bloo frum da beetin she got. Ma cend me out ta dew mah chores rite afta brekfst n tol me not to cum bak til dinr. Ah ner got a chans 2 evn fin out er naam!
Wen ah cum n fur dinr, da gurl stil wont lok at me. She n ma seam 2 b hitn it off tho. Ah guez ma mizes havn a gurl aroun sinz Mary dun got hitchd. Ah did fin out er naam b Sally Jo. Ah reckn Ma figurs ahl try 2 jump Sally Jo ifn ah got a chans. Ahd do it 2! N e wae, Ma cend me rite bak outsyd onez ah finishd eatn. Ah went don 2 da swimyn hole skiny dipn. Ah shor wishd Sally Jo wer wit me! Ah got bak jus n time fer supr.
Ah talkd 2 Georg when he be dropn off da male. He sayd old man York had a hol bloed clear thru is chest. Whoer dun it musta usd both barls o da shotgun at da saam time! Sayd ya culd put ur han cler thru im!
Pa sayd da sherf thin Billy Joe dun da deed cus it lukd lyk ol man York bin a whumpin on im agin. Lukd lyk Billy Joe got nokd ina cornr wear da shotgun b n he grabd it n shot ol man York. Sayd der wer a lot o blud frum Billy Joe bout da rum but no sign o im. After Pa sayd dat, Ma n Sally Jo got reel quyet.
Ah dun no ifn u no, but Billy Joe be mah 3rd cuzn twiz removd. Weez relatd thru is ma. Bet she wulda kept ol man York frum beetn on por Billy Joe ifn she wer stil livn.
N e wae, afta we dun eatn, Ma tol Pa 2 taak me out 2 sho me mor chores! Ah wer reel pisd but nu 2 kepe mah yap shut.
Wen ah axd Pa wat wer up wit Ma and Sally Jo he shuk is hed n tol me not 2 waist tyme tryn 2 figur out wymn. He dun sayd 2 smyl at wymn n dew wat dey sayz sinz we gona n up dewn it afta dey chew us up n spit us out. Sayd its jus easyr dewn it wen dey ask n void bein chewd up. Den Pa showd me how 2 put in nu fenz posts. Ah gota go rown al da pasturs n fix da fenzs. Datl taak me weaks! Ahl b out swetn al sumr whyl Ma n Sally Jo stay ina houz! Most maaks me regrt savin Sally Jo. But dam she be qut!
Yur sad fren
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 11 10pm
Jim Bob, mae b dat gurl b mor trubl den she wurth. Ah thin mos gurls b trubl. My Ma b on me al da tym 2 wurk whil she n my sistas stay ina houz wyle ahm out swetn jus lyk u. My Pa said da saam ting ur Pa sayd bout wymn. It jus aint fare! Men suposd 2 b duh ones b bosses. It sayz dat rite ina Gud Book! Wen ah sayd dat 2 Pa he lafd. Said dats ina Bibl jus 2 keap men frum gitin angrd.
Ur fren in swetn
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 14 9pm
Jerry Lee, sory bout not ritn da laz cupl daz but Ma b wurkn mah but off! Pa aint no help neidr cauz ifn he sidz wit me, den he git n trubl. Most Sally Jo’s bruzs b heeld n she b lukn evn betr. She luk familyr but ah caint plaz er. She be lukn at me n givn me dis qut lil half smil. Dang if it dun giv me a bonr! She no it 2 cauz she gigl wen she see ma pantz pushn out! Dang but ah wana jump er bonz! Ah mite geta chanz 2! Ma dun tol us 2 nite at supr dat Sally Jo gona b livn wit us frum now on! Ma sayd she be ma 3rd cuzn twiz removd. Dat meen evn tho she b a reltiv she not cloz nuf 2 kepe us frum getn hitchd! Ah noz we onli b 13, but we culd get hitchd onez we b 14 ifn mah Ma n Pa sez ok. Mmm, jus tinkn bout layn n bed neks 2 Sally Jo evry nite maks me hornyr den a bull ina herd o cowz.
Ur hornee fren
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 14 10pm
Jim Bob, ahs startn 2 tink u puln mah leg. Aint no gurl qut nof 2 wantn 2 mari at r age! We got a hol bunch o wild oatz to sew! We cant b getn tyd down! Snap out o it u horndog! Ifn u don’t, ahl cum ovr n take er from ya! Ya no ahm betr lukn den u sew she boun 2 fal 4 me!
U here n e mor bout Billy Joe? Bobby Ray tol me he wen wit unrtakr Martin 2 git ol man York. He saz it lukd liek ol man York ben makn por Billy Joe drez in is Ma’s cloz n makn im dew da dede! Kan u magn dat! Bein maid 2 dres lik a gurl sew ur steppa kan skrew yah! No wundr Billy Joe bin sew quear laetly. Da ol bastrd maid im dat wae. Ah wuldn blaam Billy Joe ifn he dun bloe dat hole in im.
Ur fren
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 15 9pm
Jerry Lee, u betr not b cumn roun bye 2 tryn steel Sally Jo. Ifn u dew, I’ll bloe a hole clean thru u like hapn to ol man York! She b MY gurl! Ah saw er furst n ah dun b da 1 who savd er lif! She b mine sew u stae way frum er! N fakt, ahm not gona talk 2 u bout er n e mor!
George dun tol me evn da hownds culdn trak down Billy Joe. Dey lost is cent at da brige ah dun fond Sally Jo at. Da sherf tink he snuk don 2 da inrstaat n hitchd a ryd. Sinz ah fond Sally Jo at da brige da saam nite ol man York got hisself kild, da sherf talkd 2 er n Ma 2 sea ifn she saw n e ting dat nite. Ah wer cent out 2 slop da hogs wile dey was talkn sew ah don no wat dey sayd.
Ur fren
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 15 10pm
Jim Bob, u mah bes fren. Ahd ner tri 2 taak ur gal. Ah was jus funin u. Dat gurl reeli got u bie da balls n ah bet deys reel bloo 2! Dun get mad, but Ahs bin wundrn y Sally Jo tryn 2 jump ofn da brige wen u fond er? If she b sew cloz 2 ur houz, how cums she not jus go der?
It b reel straeng bout Billy Joe bein misn. Ah dunt tink dey evn lukn 4 im n e mor! Guez dey tink ol man York got wat was cumn 2 im. Ah shur dew! Dat ol bastrd deservd 2 dye!
Ur fren
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 16, 9pm
Jerry Lee, ah axd Pa da saam ting bout y Sally Jo not cum rite 2 our plaz. He saz she be shamed bie how er steppa beet er n ripd er drez n dat she b fraid we mite cend er bak 2 im. It were onlee wen ah stopd er dat she figurd we b gud peepl.
Ah fond out wat da sherf dun axd Sally Jo yestadae. It b bout Billy Joe. She tol im she dun see im hedn down 2 da inrstaat. Sumpn bigr hapn tho, Ma got da sherf 2 rest Sally Jo’s steppa for buesn er. He stopd buy 2 dae 2 giv Ma legl paprs sew dat Sally Jo now b legl part o r famly. She b startn skool wit us n Septmbr n she b n r graed.
Ah bin tinkn dat setln down wit Sally Jo mae b not a gud idea aftr al. Doon get me rong, ahd stil jump er bonz n e chanz ah got, but dat gurl nevr shut up! Yak Yak Yak al dae n al nite. Pa saz a lot o gurls lik dat.
Ur fren
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 16 10pm
Jim Bob, ahs glad 2 sea ur wizn up bout Sally Jo. Ur sistr being oldr n u didn talk 2 much 2 ya, but mah sistrs r lyk Sally Jo, Yak Yak Yak! Ahm glad ah gota work outsyd cuz it get me way frum dem!
Ur fren
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 17, 9pm
Jerry Lee, u mah bes fren. U gota promiz on ur Mas lief 2 keyp a seacrt ah fond out bout 2 nite. Ah wont tel ya ifn u dont promiz.
Ur fren
Jim Bob
*****
Jun 17, 10pm
Jim Bob, ah sware on mah Mas lief 2 keyp ur seacrt. U no I dun nevr tol a seacret 2 no 1.
Ur fren
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 18, 9pm
Jerry Lee, ahm trustn u. U betr nevr tel dis seacrt. Duhder nite wen ah teld u bout Sally Jo yakn so much, aftr ah cent da emale 2 u, ah snuk out mah bedrum winda on 2 da ruef. Reel quyt lik ah snuk ovr 2 da dormr winda ina bedrum Sally Jo usin sews ah ken peak n sighd whil she b undrezn. Ah no it were nauty, but she jus sew qut ah culdn help maself. N e wae, wen ah peak n, she b buk ass nakid! Ah got da bigst bonr evr! Her bak be towrd me n she got a reel qut ass! But ah dun fel off da ruef wen she turnd rond. Dang ifn Sally Jo didn hav a pekr! Sally Jo be a bouy! U no, 1 o dem transexls!
Lukee ah land ona big lilak bush sew it brak mah fal. Al dat hapn wer ah got skratchd up. Ah had 2 clim upn da ol tree at da end o da hous 2 get bak n mah bedrum. 2 dae, ma wer reely pisd wen she saw how bustd up da lilak bush b but nun o us new wat hapn. Wel, ah new but ah sur wernt gona say nutn!
Al dae 2dae ah bin lokn reel clos at Sally Jo. Den it hit me lik faln thru da hole ina da pit unda da outhouz. Ah dun figurd out y Sally Jo lukn sew familyr. Shur, she b mah 3rd cuzn twiz removd, but datz cauz she b Billy Joe! He bin hidn rite hear al da tyme! But Jerry Lee, u no ah aint 1 o dem fary guys. Ahm a reel man n ah lyke gurls! Sea, dats da ting, evn tho Sally Jo reely b Billy Joe, she b a reel girl evn ifn she got a pekr. Ah aint shamd mah first gurl kis was frum her eider. Ull see wen skool starts. By den she b sew gurly no one evr no sept u n me. She stil gona b my gurl. Ifn you tel n e 1, ahl dew 2 u what she dun 2 ol man York.
Ur bes fren oar ur wurst enmy
Jim Bob
Hillbilly Love in the Computer Age (a translation)
by Jennifer Sue
*****
When I started this concept, my intent was to write the story in text messaging. Unfortunately, I don’t text so I was done before I started. The tale morphed into this.
If there are any authors out there conversant in texting, I encourage them to write a short texting story.
***************
June 10, 9pm
Jerry Lee, you won’t believe what I did tonight! I saved a cute girl! She was going to jump off the bridge to the road right in front of one of those big double-long trucks that run on the inter-state! She was standing on a wall dang near the middle but I ran up and grabbed her before she could jump. She was crying and struggled a bit at first but then hugged me sobbing her heart out. The dress she was wearing was ripped and bloody. Some dumb ass went and beet her up! When she was done crying, I asked her who did it to her. She said it was her stepfather! I told her to call the shariff but she wouldn’t. She said she won’t go back home eother. When she tried to get away from me I held her tight and kissed her right on the lips! It was my first kiss and I got a boner! I made sure not to let her see it. Anyway, I told her tp come home with me and she did it!
Mom was pissed off at what her step-father did to her but understood why she didn’t want the sheriff involved. Ma sent me off to my room while she helped the girl clean up. I’m writing this while they’re in the bathroom. I hope I get some time alone with that cute girl tomorrow. I’ll write yo then and tell you what happened.
Your Friend,
Jim Bob
*****
June 10, 10pm
Jim Bob, you are so lucky! I wish I could find a cute girl to bring home.
Hey, did you hear what happened to old man York? Somebody went and shot him dead! They think Billy Joe did it because no has seen him since then. I wouldn’t blame Billy Joe one bit on account of how old man York beat him all the time since his mom died. I think someone shot old man York and took Billy Joe because there is no way he ever got the guts to kill anyone. The sheriff has lots of people looking for Billy Joe but I don’t think they’ll ever find him.
Keep me posted on the girl you found. Do you know her name? She sounds mighty good.
Your friend,
Jerry Lee
*****
June 11, 9pm
Jerry Lee, I didn’t know the girls name until this afternoon but she’s real cute! She was helping mom with breakfast when I came down this morning. She was wearing one of Mary’s old dresses. She’s looking good in it, better than Mary even though she doesn’t have much up top yet. She was too embarrassed about how I saved her to even look at me. The little bit I saw of her face was black and blue from the beating she received. Mom sent me out to do my chores right after breakfast and told me not to come back until dinner. I never even found out her name!
When I came in for dinner, the girl still wouldn’t look at me. She and mom seem to be hitting it off though. I guess mom misses having Mary around since she got married. I did find out her name is Sally Jo. I reckon Mom figures I’ll try to jump Sally Jo if I had a chance. I’d do it too! Mom sent me right back outside once I finished eating. I went down to the swimming hole skinny-dipping. I sure wished Sally Jo was with me! I got back just in time for supper.
I talked to Geaorge when he dropped off the mail. He said old man York had a hole blown clear through his chest. Whoever did it must have used both barrels at the same time! He said you could put your hand clear through him!
Dad said the sheriff thinks Billy Joe did the deed because it looked like old man York had been beating him again. Lucky Billy Joe got knocked into the cornerwhere the shotgun sat and he grabbed it and shot old man York. He said there was a lot of blood from Billy Joe about the room. After dad said that, Mom and Sally Jo got real quiet.
I don’t know if you know, but Billy Joe is my 3rd cousin twice removed. We are related though mom. I bet she would have kept old man York from beating on poor Billy Joe if she were still alive.
Anyway, after we were done eating, mom told dad to take me out to show ne new chores! I was real pissed bit knew enough to keep my mouth shut.
When I asked dad what was up with mom and Sally Jo he shook his head and told me not to waste my time trying to figure out women.He said to smile and do what they say since we’re going to end up doing it after they chew us up and spit us out. He said it’s just easier doing it when they ask and avoid being chewed up. The dad showed me how to put in new fenceposts. I have to go aroundall the pastures and fix the fences. That’ll take me weeks! I’ll be out sweating all summer while Mom and Sally Jo stay in the house! It almost makes me regret saving Sally Jo. But damn she is cute!
Your sad friend,
Jerry Lee
*****
June 11, 10pm
Jim Bob, matbe that girl is more trouble than she’s worth. I think most girls are trouble. My mom is on me all the time to work while she and my sisters stay in the house while I’m out sweating just like you. My dad said da saam thing your dad said about women. It just ain’t fair! Men are supposed to be the ones who are the bosses. It says that right in the Good Book! When I said that to Dad he laughed. Said that’s in the bible just to keep men from getting angried.
Your friend in sweating
Jerry Lee
*****
June 14, 9pm
Jery Lee, sorry about not writing the last couple of days but mom’sworking my butt off! Dad isn’t any help neither because if he sides with me,then he’ll get in trouble. Most of Sally Jo’s bruises are healed and she’s looking even better. She looks familiar but I can’t place her. She keeps looking at me and giving me this cute this cute little half smile. Dang if it don’t give me a boner! She knows it too because she giggles when she sees my pants pushing out! Dang but I want to jump her bones! I might get a chance, too! Mom told us tonight at supper that Sally Jo’s going to be living with us from now on! Mom saaid she is my 3rd cousin twice removed. That means even though she’s a relative, she’s not close enough to keep us from getting married. I know we’re only 13, but we could get married once we become 14 if my mom and dad sez ok. Mmmm, just thinking about lying in bed next to Sally Jo every night makes me hornier than a bull in a heard of cows.
Your friend;
Jim Bob
*****
July 14, 10pm
Jim Bob, I’m starting to think you’re pulling my leg. There ain’t any girl cute enough to be wanting to marry her at our age! We have a whole bunch of wild oats to sew! We can’t allow ourselves to get tied down! Snap out of it you horndog! If you don’t, Ill come over and take her from you! You know I’m better looking than you so she’s bound to fall for me.
Did you hear anymore about Billy Joe? Bobby Ray old me he went with undertaker Martin to get old man York. He said it looked like old man York was making poor Billy Joe dress in his mom’s clothes and making him do the deed! Can you imagine that! Being made to dress like a girl so you step-dad can screw you! No wonder Billy Joe’s been so queer lately. The old bastard made him that way. I wouldn’t blame Billy Joe if he did blow that hole in him.
Your Freind
Jerry Lee
*****
Jun 15, 9pm
Jery Lee, you better not be coming bye to try and steal Sally Joe. If you do, I’ll blow a hole clear through you like happened to old man York! She’s My girl! I saw her first and I was the one who saved her life! She’s mine so you stay away from her! In fact, I’m not going to talk to you about her anymore!
George told me even the hounds couldn’t track down Billy Joe. They lost the scent at the bridge I found Sally Jo at. The sheriff thinks he snuck down to the inter-state and hitched a ride. Since I found Sally Jo at the same bridge the same night old man York got himself killed. The sheriff talked to her and mom to see if she saw anything that night. I was sent out to slop the hogs while they were talking so I don’t know what they said.
Your friend
Jim Bob
*****
June 15, 10pm
Jim Bob, you’re my best friend. I’d never try to take your gal. I was just funning you. That girl really got you by the balls and I bet they’re real Blue too? Don’t get mad, but I’ve been wonderingwhy Sally Jo was trying to jump of the bridge when you found her? If she’s so close to your house, why didn’t she just go there!
It’s real strange about Billy Joe being missing. I don’t think they even looked for him any more! I guessw they think old man York got what was coming to him. I sure do! That old bastard deserved to die!
Your friend
Jerry Lee
*****
June 16, 9pm
Jerry Lee, I asked dad the same thing about Sally Jo not coming right to our place. He said she’s ashamed by how her stepdad beat her and ripped her dress and that she’s afraid we might send her back to him. It was only when I stopped her that she figured out we’re good people.
I found out what the sheriff asked Sally Jo yesterday. It was about Billy Joe. She told him she saw him heading down to the inter-state. Something bigger happened though, mom got the sheriff to arrest Sally Jo’s step-dad for abusing her. He stopped by today to give Mom legal papers so that Sally Jo’s now a legal member of our family. She’ll be starting school with us in September and she’ll be in our grade.
I’ve been thinking that settling down with Sally Jo may be not a good idea after all. Don’t gety me wrong, I’d still jump her bones any chance I got, but that girl never shuts up! Yak Yak Yak all day and all night. Dad says a lot of girls are like that.
Your friend
Jim Bob
*****
June 16, 10pm
Jim Bob, I’m glad to see you’re wising up about Sally Jo.Your sister being older then you didn’t talk much to you, but my sisters are like Sally Jo, Yak Yak Yak! I’m glad I have to work outside becaus it gets me away them!
Your Friend
Jerry Lee
*****
June 17, 9pm
Jerry Lee, you’re my best friend. You have to promuse on your mom’s life to keep a secret I found out about tonight. I won’t tell you if you don’t promise.
Your Friend
Jim Bob
*****
June 17, 10pm
Jim Bob, I swear on my mom’s life to keep your secret. You know I’ve never told a secret to no one.
Your Friend
Jerry Lee
*****
June 18, 9pm
Jerry Lee, I’m going to trust you. You better never tell this secret. The other night when I told you about Sally Jo yaking so much, after I sent the e-mail to you, I snuck out my bedroom window onto the roof. Real quiet like, I snuck over to the domer windo in the bedroom Sally Jo’s using so I could peak in side while she’s undressing. I know it was naughty, but she’s just so cute I couldn’t help myself. Anyway, when I peeked in she was buck ass naked! I got the biggest boner ever! Her back was toward me and she’s got a real cute ass! But I fell off the roof when she turned around. Dang if Sally Jo didn’t have a pecker! Sally Jo is a boy! You know, one of those transsexuals!
Luckily I landed on the big lilac bush so it broke my fall. All that happened was I got scratched up. I had to climb up the old tree at the end of the house to get back in my bedroom. Today, mom was really pissed when she saw how busted up the lilac bush was but none of us knew what happened. Well, I knew but I sure wasn’t going to say anything!
All day today I’ve been looking real close at Sally Jo. Then it hit me like falling through the hole into the pit under the outhouse. I figured out why Sally Jo looks so familiar. Sure, she’s my 3rd cousin twice removed, but that’s because she’s Billy Joe! He’s been hiding right here the whole time! But Jerry Lee, you know I ain’t one of those fairy guys. I’m a real man and I like girls! See, that’s the thing, even though Sally Jo really is Billy Jo, she’s a real girl even if she got a pecker. I ain’t ashamed my first girl kiss was from her either. You’ll see when school starts. By then she’ll be so girly no one’ll ever know except you and me. She’s still gonna be my girl. If you tell anyone, I’ll do to you what she did to Old man York.
Your best friend or your worst enemy
Jim Bob