Quick note: this is not a Ret-Con story. It is inspired by some comics I read as a kid, but I hope it is a little different from anything else out there.
The Lucky One (part 1)
Well, hay there, hi there ho there! Or, as my dear friend Stan Lee likes to say “Face front, true believers!” (I better be careful about saying that. Don’t need to annoy The Stanster, much less his horde of marvellous Marvel Zombie lawyers… )
This is the one, the only, the Fantastic Fluke, The Luckiest Person Alive coming atcha from the wonderful world of the World Wide Web! Welcome to the first ever blog from your pal, me! I know, I know, you can’t believe your luck. But calm down out there, you will strain something.
You know, there are a lot of crazy stuff out there about us “superiors, (I actually hate that name, blech) and especially about Yours Truly (you would not believe what was on my Wikipedia page until I fixed it) So I decided I would do my part, and help straighten some stuff out. Plus, I can make all of your lives a little better by sharing my wonderful self with all of you! Yes, I can feel you squirting with excitement (and some bodily fluids some of you, you naughty people you)
Now, I know you people have come to expect me to be the bestest at everything (and I would normally agree with you , except I am far too modest to say so), so it will come as a shock to you, but even I have some things I am not the best at. Now, now, pick yourself off the floor, I know it was surprising.
Because of this, I asked a professional writer to assist me in making this blog happen. You may have heard of her, since she helped my fellow “superior” E-girl tell her story. Say “Hi” to Dorothy Colleen, everybody.
“Hi. Thanks for letting me write this, er, Fluke. First, I would like to explain how I came to be here. See, there are an infinite number of parallel … “ Ok, ok, stop hogging the spotlight Dot. This is my story.
How should I start? Well, among the most common comments I get when I appear in public, after “Can I have your autograph?” and “You wanna sleep with me?” (both boys and girls say that one, believe it or not), is “Hay, Fluke, how did you become the Example of Awesomeness, the Idol of Millions, the all around Top Dog that you are today?”
(Well, I am paraphrasing )
So, without further ado, let me give to you, my fans, for the first time anywhere, the (formally) secret origin of me! And how does it all start? With a unsuspecting shmuck named Eddie James, and a one in a trillion event that changed everything.
A bolt from the blue…
Eddie was no prize, I would have to admit. Nearing thirty years old, he had accomplished pretty much squat in his life. No girlfriend, heck, no friends of any sort to speak of, a series of dead-end grunt jobs for minimum wage to keep the wolves from the door, and not much chance that things would ever change.
Then, one day, he was taking a walk to the corner store, and got hit by what a witness described as “blue lightning”. To this day, authorities are still confused about what it was. (I know, but they don’t listen to me all the time, as hard as that is to believe, since I am clearly the expert ).
Kids, let me tell you this before I continue, DON’T TRY THAT AT HOME.
Last thing I want to be responsible for is a bunch of crazies wondering around with lightning rods and hanging off rooftops hoping to get hit.
The one thing even the experts are sure of, is what happened to Eddie is about as unlikely to happen again as anything they know of.
So there was Eddie, zapped by a bolt from the blue, as the saying goes. I wish I could say he bounced up and flew up to give a bunch of fives to whoever sent it, but sadly, he did not. Instead, he lay in a smoking pile and moaned.
Now, things could have been dicey at that moment, but Eddie had a bit of luck, his first break. The witness called 911, and soon, an ambulance arrived on the scene. Not that they thought they could do much. From the expression on their faces, they looked like there were not sure if they should use a gurney or a dustpan to take Eddie in.
Well, they got poor Eddie to the hospital, and one look at him made the docs try and shift through the frazzled remains of his clothes for an ID, and maybe compose a letter to next of kin, when Eddie moaned some more.
What happened next has been played on Youtube over and over again, thanks to the hospital’s security cameras. If George Lucas or Steven Spielberg had done that video, they couldn’t have done anything as spooky.
Basically, his whole body started to heal at a unbelievable rate. And if that wasn’t odd enough, it also began to change. Most of his hair (and a good part of his skin too) had been burned off, and most of the hair never came back. The part that did was the stuff on the top of his head, and it came back with a vengeance, becoming long and full of body within minutes
His face softened, becoming more oval, which was pretty painful. Then the changes started moving south. As his chest healed, small mounds formed, and blossomed into bosoms (and don’t you just love that turn of phrase?). That was surprisingly painful. Then, things really got interesting his bottom half was covered by a sheet, so the cameras missed it, but his privates did a retreat, and soon his outtie was an innie, which was very very painful.
Then the worst pain hit as his hips broke again and again to accommodate his new equipment. Specifically, his body was building a womb, although it didn’t have all that good a view (get it? A womb with a view?, Oh, never mind….)
So, in the space of about an hour, Eddie had gone from a male crispy critter to a healthy, (and hot) woman. I bet you have guessed by now, that woman is me. A few moments later, when I woke up, I discovered my changes pretty fast, and shook, screamed, and then started crying like the girl I now was for about one minute.
Then, I decided I needed to get the heck out of there. So I wrapped my sheet around my downright hot body and went hunting for some help. I approached the nurse’s desk, and said to the cute girl there, “Excuse me. If I were to ask why I am now a foxy babe, am I likely to like the answer?”
“I am sorry sir, ma’m. The blunt fact is we don’t have a clue what happened. We think you must be one of those ‘Superiors’.”
“Yeh? Like that hot chick E-Girl?” I guess it could be worse.”
“You seem to be taking this awfully calmly. Most men would be a bit more freaked about being turned into a woman.”
“Kid, I was a nobody. Now, apparently I am so good looking I make myself pant, and have super powers besides. I will miss havin’ my naughty bits, but it wasn’t like I was getting any action anyway. “
“O… kay then. Let me call the doctor, get you checked out, and maybe see what we can get you to wear besides a sheet.”
“Fine. Almost a shame to cover this body up though. Hay, I wonder if I can fly?”
“Well, I wouldn’t recommend jumping off the roof to find out.”
“You might have a point. I will be a good girl and go back to my bed until the doc comes. Stay sexy, babe”
When the doctor came, he gave me a quick physical (and when he put some equipment up my new hole, it created some mixed feelings. First, the little metal dealie was COLD! I swear they must store them in a freezer. But, on the other hand, when it brushed against a spot inside me, it felt darn good, and put a exploration session on my “things to do list”
Now, I had a small problem. My “Eddie” ID had burned up, and even if it had not, I sure didn’t look like my driver’s photo.
Things might have gone south in a hurry if they hadn’t actually witnessed some of my transformation. So I was spared a visit to the rubber room when I told them who I was. But I had another small problem. My former clothes, my wallet and the little bit of money in it were now charcoal briquettes.
And that’s when things got totally strange, as if healing and turning into a girl wasn’t strange enough. As soon as I concentrated on the idea of getting dressed, there was a small ‘pop’ sound, and an outfit appeared in midair, and dropped on the bed I was laying on.
They were built for my new gender, and I shrugged. I needed to wear something, and they would do. And the idea of making boys drool had a certain appeal to it…
Once I was dressed, I wanted to check out of that hotel, and got into a battle of wills with the doc over it. While they conceded that I seemed to be in perfect health, especially considering the condition I came in, but they were a little worried about how what happened would affect me mentally.
Finally, I convinced them that I was as ok as was possible under the circumstances, and that I would call on them if I started feeling otherwise, and they let me go.
On my way out the door, it occurred to me that I didn’t have anyway to get home, as my car was at my place. But I heard a rustling sound in my purse (my purse? Oh, it showed up with the outfit.), and sure enough, there was enough money in there to catch a taxi home, plus, a new ID, with my female form on the picture, and a feminine version of my name: Eddi James. (not the greatest name in history. Apparently, Eddi is a version of Edith. The creep who sent it had no imagination, I tell you.)
So I made my way home, and judging from the reaction to my appearance from the taxi driver, I had not overestimated my effect on males, and if anything, I had sold myself short. I thought to myself, “You know, I could get used to this. Being a sexy chick is kinda fun….”
I went into my apartment, and kicked of my heels (Did I forget to mention that the outfit came with heels? My bad). I took a peek at myself in the mirror. I always thought a woman looked better wearing less, but this outfit seemed to defy that logic. Nothing really was showing, but just hints here and there, and yet the effect was electric.
I went to my bedroom, and thought I might as well take my new equipment for a test drive. I was just getting going when the closet in my room came open, and a large, yellow, and round creature came though.
Boys and girls, if you are over a certain age, there is a good chance that you have taken your equipment out for a spin, and there is at least some chance that someone decides to pick that particular moment to drop by, leaving you flustered and red, and not just from the exercise you were just getting. But I happen to think it’s a little worse when it’s a giant tennis ball with eyes, and as I was about to learn, a huge mouth who drops by.
“Yaddie!” it said, and opened its mouth wide. So wide it seemed to extend past the limits of its “face”.
I quickly re-arranged my sheet and tried to regulate my breathing, so I could try and figure out what this thing was.
“Yaddie!” it said again.
“Hi”
“Yaddie!”
“And you are…”
“Yaddie!”
“Fine. You are Yaddie. You say anything else?”
“Yaddie!”
“Obviously not. Listen, I was a little busy. Do you think you could come back in an hour?” Then I remembered just how sensitive to touch some parts of my new body were, and added “Or possibly three?”
“Yaddie!”
Then it bobbed and wafted over to my bed. Did I mention it was floating in mid-air? It was floating in mid-air. It took the edge of the sheet in its mouth (an act that made me instinctively curl up my legs so it wouldn’t catch my toes) and then it pulled it off the bed. It then quickly floated to the other side of the bed, and nudged me gently. I almost fell off the bed.
“You want me up?”
It got ready to give me another gentle nudge, and I decided I didn’t need to be pushed through the wall of my bedroom, and got up. It zoomed over to the side of the bed I was standing by, and grabbed my clothes, and managed to fling them at me. (which isn’t easy to do without hands).
Rather than risk it “helping” me get dressed, I put on the outfit and slipped on my heels. It drifted back towards the closet, and then looked back at me.
“You want me to follow you?”
“Yaddie!”
I considered my options, and figured I really didn’t want to find out it’s definition of a gentle tug on my arm, so I followed.
My closet now had a hole in it. Not a hole that led to the next room, but a hole that led to what looked like a road, if a road could float in the middle of the Milky Way.
I don’t mean the chocolate bar, I mean the galaxy, but that wasn’t exactly it either. It wasn’t dark with little lights, it was like a multi-coloured cloud with flashes of lighting, bright lights hanging in the sky, and this glowing path that started at the edge of my closet and wound it’s way up, down, and all around that odd environment.
“You sure I have to go down this road?”
“Yaddie!”
“Well, you are just a load of helpful advice, you know that?”
“Yaddie!”
“Ok, fine. If I have to go, I might as well get started. But,” looking how far the road seemed to go “I think I am going to wish I was wearing flats.”
Yaddie floated ahead of me, and looked back, waiting for me to catch up.
We made our way down the road, and soon I realized that the road seemed to have its own gravity, after we flipped upside down and were able to keep walking. I resolved to not look down (or was it up?) I also saw a great number of side paths branching out on either side of the road, but we stayed on the main path.
We were not totally alone. I could see, hear, or feel shadowy creatures. Some were some distance away, and some were much closer, but none came too close to the road. Some ignored us, some paused whatever it was they were doing to watch us go by, some scattered as though scared of us, and a few made some threatening gestures, but they seemed too afraid of the road to do more to us.
For someone who hadn’t worn heels before, I found them comfortable, and the wiggle in my walk natural. I vowed I would find a construction site to walk past when I got home, so I could enjoy the wolf whistles.
That thought gave me pause. I wasn’t even slightly upset about turning into a woman, and seemed to absolutely relish every moment of it. During my little “exploration” I had found I could think about either men or women as my partner, and have it make little difference to me, leading me to concede that I was now thoroughly bisexual, with just a touch more interest in girls than boys.
What that meant to me long term, I had no idea, but I found myself looking forward to finding out. After traveling what seemed like miles, we reached what looked like a major intersection, with a small ball in the middle of it. in the middle of the ball was a tree, and in front of the tree a small figure apparently waited for us to arrive.
Yaddie zoomed up to it and bounced in mid-air like a puppy. (I mean, if a puppy could bounce in mid-air)
“So you finally made it. Took you long enough” it said.
“Oh now, this is just plain silly”
You see, by now, I was ready for a great deal. But a pale green midget in a blue dress with a strong accent was a new one.
She looked like a female version of the character Mel Brooks had played in that space parody, and sounded almost exactly like Bugs Bunny. (Ok. So I like classic movies and TV shows, what of it?)
“I suppose you would like an explanation”
“That would be very nice.”
“Well, for starters, this is the center of the multi-universe. It is from this place that everything that ever was or will be comes from”
“I am going to nod and smile and pretend I understood that”
She sighed. “which part gave you trouble? I thought I was pretty clear”
“What is a multi-universe?”
“Oh, boy. Ask me something easy why don’t you? You live on one planet, in one solar system, in one galaxy, in one universe or one reality, if you like”
“I will take your word for it.”
“Well, have you ever wondered ‘what if?’”
“What if what?”
“What if anything! What if you had taken a different job, or bumped into the love of your life while waiting for a train, or if you had been something other than totally out of it right now?”
“I resemble that remark. I am usually quite smart, I just have had an interesting day, and am having trouble processing.”
“Fine. But do you get the idea? You ever read any alternate history? What if the Roman Empire hadn’t fallen, that type of thing?”
“Sure”
“Well, if you were to take that path,” and she pointed to one of paths that led away from the ball, you could find out”
“Ok. So you said this place is the center?”
“Well, as close as you can come.”
“And why did Yaddie bring me here?”
“Because you are the Chosen One, and you are going to protect it all”
“Pull the other leg, it’s got bells on”
“Fine. I don’t think you are ready for that yet anyway. But I will tell you one more thing. First, you noticed that your clothes and ID appeared when you needed them?”
“How did you know that?”
“It’s my job to know. I sent you what you needed.”
“so if I needed a new TV, you would send it to me?”
“Try and take this seriously.”
“Seriously? I got zapped by some kind of cosmic lightning, burned to a crisp, healed, turned into a girl, had stuff appear out of thin air, had a visit from a yellow critter with too large a mouth and a one word vocabulary, who takes me to see the wizard at the center of the multi-universe who tells me I am a Chosen One, and you expect me to take it seriously?”
“I think we are moving too fast for you. Yaddie here will take you home.”
“Sounds good to me. With any luck, when I wake up tomorrow this will all be a chilli-inspired dream.”
So Yaddie bounced ahead of me, and we went back the way we had come. After I stepped back into my own room the hole closed behind me, with no sign of where it had been.
I looked at my new companion, and said, “Well Yaddie, I guess it’s just you and me.”
“Yaddie!”
“I somehow thought you would say that.”
I grabbed my sheet and crawled back into bed. After a while, the yellow creature bounced on to the bed, and snuggled in beside me like a round dog. I had had worse sleeping partners, and after a bit, I fell asleep. Tomorrow, I thought, all of this will have been a weird dream, and life would be back to normal.
I had no idea how wrong I was…..
The Lucky One
(Part 2, or “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping”)
Hay, kids! What time is it? It’s Fantastic Fluke time! (note to the owners of the Howdy whoever show, please don’t sue me. I am just funning, and I have already had a cease and desist order from Disney from borrowing the theme from the Mickey Mouse Club by accident in my first entry)
Yessirry, its your pal, the Flukester, back with more of my amazing origin!
But before we begin, I noticed a small error in my first blog, for which I totally blame my ghost writer, Dorothy Colleen.
“Hay!”
Now, now, Dot, don’t get your panties in a bunch, I will come to the rescue like the amazing heroine that I am.
See, when she was describing Yaddie for you all, you may have gotten the impression that it was small.
But as a matter of fact, it grew after it came into my bedroom, and soon was about the size of a German Shepherd, if a German Shepherd was round.
Anyway, where did we leave off last time? Oh, yes. We left your stalwart heroine (that’s me) having fallen asleep after an eventful day that started with a bolt from the blue, and went downhill from there.
When I awoke the next morning, you could possibly forgive me for thinking there was a ghost in my bedroom, as my sheet was hanging in mid-air. Fortunately, I am I am far too brave to let that bother me, and any suspicious wet spot on my panties was purely coincidental, and the fact that I had to take several breaths to get my heart going at a normal rate not something anyone else would take notice of.
It was when I heard a muffled voice from within the floating sheet that I made a guess as to what was going on, and (as always), I was correct. I pulled the sheet off, and there was my yellow furry companion from last night.
“Yaddie!” it said, clearly grateful to me for releasing it from the sheet.
“I am assuming your presence here, plus the fact I still have lady parts, means yesterday was not a dream”
“Yaddie!”
“Sigh. Fine. I can deal.”
“Yaddie!”
I went over to my closet with some reluctance, but I couldn’t wear the same outfit I had worn yesterday. (Gee, I guess I was really turning into a girl). But there was no sign of the hole from yesterday. However, being the keen observer that I am, I noticed a small difficulty. Outside of the outfit that had appeared yesterday at the hospital, I didn’t have any clothes that would suit my new body.
Not feeling sure if I was crazy or very smart (but I will go with smart, don’t you agree?), I spoke into the air, and said, “Hay misses wizard, how about a switch? You take all these boy clothes, and send me some girl ones?”
I had a vision of what I wanted. Skirts, dresses, blouses, you name it. No frumpy stuff like I had worn as a guy, but clothes pretty much built to show off my new assets. I am not saying I looked like some kind of slut, you understand, but just a very, very sexy lady who loved being one, and wanted to grace the world with her awesome beauty. (That’s me, I am a giver.)
But sadly, all I got was five business outfits suitable for work, one skirt and blouse set designed for a day off., and one rather nice dress for a night out.
I checked my drawers, and there were seven pairs of panties with the days of the week, seven bras, a dozen pairs of pantyhose, and what I thought at first were socks that had been made too short, but I soon learned that was how they were supposed to be.
With my clothes suitable to my new condition, I had a bite of breakfast, while trying to make a list in my head of things I needed to take care of. In no particular order they were: My job; I had no idea what would happen if I showed up to work tomorrow looking like this, but I also didn’t see any choice if I wanted to keep my self housed.
Then, there was my powers. Beyond the items I had received from Misses Wizard, I didn’t know what I could do. I had healed once, but did that mean I would heal fast every time?
And did I have any other gifts? I mean, it would be wonderful to discover I was bulletproof and able to fly, but like that nurse said, I wouldn’t want to find out the hard way I was wrong.
The large yellow creature bounding into the kitchen reminded me of point three: Yaddie. I had no idea how to look after it. I didn’t know what it ate, and no idea if I needed to take it for a walk or if I should invest in a very large kitty litter box, or what.
Then the was the whole issue of the Superiors. I had not focused much attention on them, except for E-girl, and that mostly ‘cause she was pretty hot for a kid still in her teens. Nobody has any clear idea why there are so few. Logic would indicate either none at all, or some reasonable percentage of the population would have the potential.
Commander Ares is by far the best known. Not only is he ultra-powerful, but he is apparently a brilliant tactician, and has the ability to inspire just about everyone who meets him.
But it’s E-girl who has caused the biggest stir, which is not surprising. I mean, she was a dude who got turned into a chick, but apparently was always a bit of a girl inside anyway, or something.
(Dot here. You guys can read her story for yourself)
(Ahem! Authors, I swear… If she is going to do that, I am going to mention my super Fantastic Fluke Fan Club! If you are not a member yet, shame on you, but it’s not too late! Join the FFFC today! )
Anyway, since then she is been a major spokesmen for transgender issues, and even did a commercial that has been shown a billion times.
As I remember it, it featured a bunch of people, both male and female, each just saying one sentence: “I am transgender” It ends with E-girl, saying it too, and then adding “We are just people like you. We work with you, go to school with you, live in your neighbourhood. And we don’t deserve to be hated. But it’s up to you. Stand up” and then it flashes back through the people all saying “Stand up” and then she ends with, “Stand up against hatred, against discrimination, against bigotry. It’s all up to you.”
I used to think it was pretty corny, to be honest.
But back to my little list. As I started to say before my little sidebar, I was not exactly sure what my relationship to the Superiors was supposed to be like. Was I supposed to go to The Compound, where Ares lived? Was I supposed to report to the government? I simply had no clue. (now, now, don’t you worry, me putting myself down is just a habit from being Eddy. It will go away soon)
Lastly, and most importantly, I had a small twinge in my neither regions and decided to add taking care of that to my list. I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of the amount of havoc I was going to cause among the male population (and probably a good share of the female population too) once I made my official debut.
Which would be a good thing, as I had the feeling it was going to take more than one person to satisfy me unless they also were super human.
“Hmm, I wonder if Ares has a girlfriend ?” I said outloud.
(Now, lest you get the idea that I am some kind of super bimbo slut, there was more than sex on my mind. I felt more alive than I had ever felt, and I wanted to relish every experience that came my way. As the old song says, I don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to miss a thing… or maybe it should be that this girl just wants to have fun?)
“Ahem. Dot here. Any chance you could quit mangling song lyrics and get back to the story?”
Spoilsport! To put it another way, I wanted to suck the marrow out of life.
“Oh come on! Movie quotes now?”
Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a knot, Dot.
Anyway, I was still musing over having a fling with the Commander, when I had to postpone scratching that particular itch, because right at that moment, someone knocked at my door.
I looked at Yaddie, and she (I had decided that Yaddie is a girl) blinked back at me, as though to say “You don’t expect me to get that, do you?”
The knocking persisted, so I went and opened the door. It was my neighbour, Sarah. Sarah is one of the best people I know (besides me).
She is pretty, sweet, and kind to children, animals, and even to Eddy (and that was before he became the wonderful wonderfullness that is me.)
Anyway, I opened the door, and she bustled in, talking a mile a minute. She was saying something like;
“HiEddyyougottaseethiscrazythingonyoutubeyouwillneverbelieveit…”
At this point she finally took a breath, and saw Yaddie. She turned to face me, and suddenly noticed my changes, and almost fell over. I almost laughed, because her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, and her mouth moved like a guppy’s, but no sound came out.
But then I heard a noise that put my teeth on edge. I heard a growl, and I realized it was coming from Yaddie. Her hackles were raised (assuming she had hackles), her hair was standing out, and her “expression” was defiantly hostile, and it was directed toward Sarah.
Thinking quickly, I said “Yaddie, down. She is a friend.”
She immediately relaxed, and wobbled over to Sarah. If she had licked her face, she couldn’t have been more friendly. I filed that piece of info about my pet in my brain for later perusal.
“Ed….Eddie?” she managed.
“In the very curvaceous flesh hon. You like the new me?”
“You…you are the girl on youtube!”
“What?”
“Someone leaked a video from a hospital of a man transforming into a woman. It is you!”
“So much for privacy. Too bad I can’t copy write that video, I could use the money”
“I think I better sit down”
So she sat, and I told her everything that had happened to me yesterday.
Being the keen observer of people that I am, I could tell she was having as much difficulty swallowing the story I had had yesterday, but the obvious change in my body, and my new pet, helped her be convinced.
When I told her about the sad state of my new wardrobe, she said, “Well, that just will not do. Grab your purse, we are definitely going shopping.”
“One difficulty with that idea hon. I am not exactly loaded with cash.”
She giggled, and said, “it will be my treat hon.”
“I can’t ask you to spend money on me.”
“It will be my pleasure. I always wanted a live Barbie doll to dress up”
“Barbie? I am better looking than her. But how can you afford it?”
“You mean I never told you? I am a trust fund princess!”
“Say what?”
“Daddy left me a huge fortune in a trust. I almost never touch it because I like to make it on my own efforts. But I can take as much out as I need. In fact, I own this building.“
“I thought that is was some management company or something”
“Well, they run it for me. What I have discovered, is it really is no fun being in charge. So I hire good managers, and let them have the ulcers instead.”
“Wait a minute. We have been friends for almost two years and this is the first time you mention this little fact?”
“Well, I guess it just never came up before.”
I grinned. “Sounds good to me.”
“And trust me, you will enjoy this. What‘s that saying? When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping?”
That left one small problem to figure out before we took off. Yaddie. I spoke to her, and said, “Yaddie, can you make yourself less conspicuous?”
In answer, Yaddie disappeared with a small popping noise.
“Yaddie?”
She reappeared making the air pop again.
“Okay. As long as you are fine, wherever you are, and come when I call.”
Yaddie disappeared again, and the two of us almost skipped our way out the door, headed for the nearest shopping center.
As most people know, shopping is a totally different experience for woman than for men, because they start from totally different points of view. For men, shopping is like hunting. You go in, get what you need, and get the heck out before something large and snarly eats you.
For women, especially when it is more than one, shopping is a social time, a chance to browse and chat while you looked around, and my initiation into the fraternity of womanhood was as fun, if exhausting. As promised, I was Sarah’s living Barbie, and if there was a single item of female clothing and accessories that was in my size that we missed me trying out, I have no idea where it could have been hiding.
Meanwhile, I learned a great deal about Sarah, her family, her life, her hopes, and dreams in a couple hours than I had learned in two years of knowing her as Eddy.
Finally, we had taken a load back to the car, and went back in to find a good place to eat. We ended up going to a restaurant that had a bar, and had a bite and a drink to toast my new status. Afterwards, I did something that would give a hint of what I was capable of. We past a video lottery, and I put in a dollar. I hit the jackpot. Then, for some reason, I went to the next machine, and put in a dollar, and hit the jackpot again, and did the same on the third machine.
I insisted on splitting the winnings with Sarah, but we were both a little struck by the odds I had just defied.
“I wonder if that isn’t your power”
“What, winning jackpots?”
“Sort of. What if your power is about bending probabilities? To put it another way, what if you are the luckiest person alive?”
“Some kind of fluke?”
“Not just a fluke. The Fluke.”
“Hmmm. The Fantastic Fluke! Has possibilities. Maybe we should go to Los Vegas”
“Greedy girl.”
“Would beat working for a living.”
Unfortunately, our chat was interrupted by the appearance of a group of bank robbers, and things were just about to get really weird.
(Next time: Bank Robbers! Aliens! The heroic debut of the Fantastic Fluke! And the appearance of the Superior known as The Doctor, in a little chapter entitled; “What’s up, Doc?”
Authors note: because it has been a while since I posted the last episode, and before I hand things over to Our Lady of Perpetual Ego, I feel I should point out something about this adventure. This is NOT an objective account. It is seen through our heroine's eyes, and she has a certain.... bias, that must be taken into account when reading, and it is wise to take what she says with a large truck full of salt. If you have read the first two episodes, you are probably saying something like “Duh!” but I thought I should pass on the warning Enjoy!
The Lucky one, part 3
“Here’s the story, of a boy named Eddy, who suddenly had become a girl…”
(Ahem. Dorothy here. Any chance we could start off without getting me sued?
(Poor Dot. By the way, you folks may have notice the length of time since my last posting, and it’s all her
fault. )
(Oh this should be good…)
(You see, Dot had to take a break for “mental health reasons”. I bet she was just on the rag)
(Umm, Fluke? You do know what “transgender” means, right?”)
(Whatever floats your boat sweetie. I offered to help you “relax“ by spending some quality time with Yours Truly. A roll in the hay with me, and you would have woken up sometime next week feeling fabulous)
(Not a chance. Considering how many people you have slept with, I don’t need some kind of inter-dimensional clap)
(Meeeouch! Sheath those claws! Just because you havent got lucky in a while…)
(You know, I don’t have to do this, I could be writing serious drama)
(Gee, folks, we don’t want Dot to go away, do we? Dorothy, you are a wonderful writer and I am glad you are writing my story)
(Fine, quit blowing smoke up my skirt, and lets get this show on the road, shall we?)
(Ok, ok. But we do have one piece of business to clean up before we get rolling.)
(What’s that?)
(Well, I should talk about why I spent time last time talking about Ares and E-Girl instead of focusing on my wonderful self like my legions of fans would have demanded)
(If you say so. But I am kinda curious myself. Seemed a bit out of character for you)
(I can’t help it if I know how wonderful I am. But anyway, the reason why I mentioned her commercial is that some nasty rumors have surfaced that I am jealous of E-Girl. Personally, I blame Fox News for it. But the fact that I was willing to praise her should put those rumors to rest)
(Fine. Now can we get started?)
(Let’s do.)
Now, where did we leave off last time?
Oh, yes. We left our intrepid heroine (me) waking up on my second day of girlhood, meeting my neighbour Sarah, finding out I was already a Youtube sensation, and descending on a local mall for some serious shopping.
Now, if you were going to go shopping as a girl for the first time, I highly recommend having a heiress with you willing to pay for everything. Makes things so much nicer, no?
Anyway, after our shopping was finished, we had lunch at a nice restaurant in the mall, and then discovered that I seemed to be able to make luck and chance go my way, leading Sarah to give me my heroic name, Fluke.
Along the way, I had won a large jackpot at three different video lottery terminals, and after turning in the winnings to be changed into cash, we both decided we needed to go back to the bar and have a stiff drink each.
Unfortunately, I had just started to enjoy my first drink (as my male self, I had steered clear of alcohol) when the screaming started.
I found out later exactly what happened, but rather than bore you with the investigation, lets leave me and Sarah in the bar, and show what was going on in the mall itself.
They were not stupid, for crooks. The plan was to tunnel under the city from an old warehouse, to the bank and end up right in the vault room, just after closing time. (It was an early closing day for the bank, but the mall was still open). They would clean it out, go back down the hole to the tunnel and be gone to Mexico or wherever before the bank even noticed the theft.
Unfortunately, they made a major error in calculating how far they would have to tunnel. That, plus the infra-red goggles they wore which meant they didn’t catch the error until the bunch of them had popped up like a group of gophers right in the middle of the food court at suppertime….
What saved the patrons was in part that these guys had not planned for running into any major opposition, so they were not heavily armed. Still, one couldn’t exactly blame people for panicking.
Hearing the commotion, I took a quick peek out the door of the restaurant, to give me some ideas as to what was going on. Guys in masks, waving small guns, the crowd scattering in all directions, I got the gist pretty quickly.
I started figuring out my strategy. (Don’t believe those nasty rumors that I was shaking in my heels)
I could jump in there, and maybe they would focus on me instead of the crowd, but this “luck” power, however it worked, might not prevent somebody from getting hurt. (IE: me)
Then I looked at Sarah, and she was smiling, and I knew. I knew I could do it. I stood up, slipped into the ladies room, and said to the air, “Wizard, I need a costume.”
Once again, the wizard showed she had a bizarre sense of humor. The best thing you could say for the outfit was I was covered. In fact I was covered from my neck to my ankles and all of my arms to the wrists.
There was only one small problem.
It was a body stocking, and it was almost entirely sheer, except just a bit thicker around the nipples and between my legs. Even me, who had seen this body naked, thought this made me even sexier than when I was nude.
At this point I found myself in an argument, with myself.
One part of my brain was saying “You are bloody indecent, girl! Cover up!” (I blame Eddie’s background for that voice)
The other part was saying “You got, you might as well flaunt it sister” (which is more like the fantastic female I have become)
I figured I would let Sarah break the tie, and stepped out of the bathroom, and all the patrons stopped what they were doing, which mostly consisted with quietly looking for an exit that did not lead back into the mall and the screaming, and they all looked at me.
I don’t mean to brag, but more than a few pants now had bulges in them, and an number of blouses looked a little perkier than before. I tend to have that reaction wherever I go, no matter what I am wearing.
Sarah was looking too. As for her reaction, well, to be kind to her, I will only say that it was a good thing she was wearing a bra, since otherwise her erect nipples would be standing so far out they would be in a different area code.
“You going to go out there like that?”
“Well, being the good friend I am, I wanted to share with you first.”
“Well…. At least the bad guys are not likely to be able to pay attention to anybody else.”
“my thinking exactly.”
“You sure you wouldn’t like a skirt or something?”
“Nah. I’m good. Besides, we left everything we bought in the car, remember?”
At that moment, there as a small pop, and Yaddie came back from wherever she went to while we were shopping.
“Yaddie! Good. You can help me deal with these guys”
“Yaddie!”
She floated over to Sarah, and managed to get herself under Sarah's arm'
“Come on, Yaddie.”
She managed to give me the impression of sticking a tongue out at me.
“Yaddie!”
“Okay, okay. You guard Sarah.”
“Yaddie!”
With Sarah taken care of, I went out to bravely face the foe.
My outfit gave me the best idea for how to deal with the guys in masks, and so I slipped out the door of the restaurant that led back to the mall proper, and said “Ahem!”
Needless to say, that pretty much had the effect I was hoping for - the bad guys stopped worrying about the shoppers fleeing and focused on me.
I almost felt sorry for them, they looked like teen boys who, having a super crush on some babe they only had posters of, then turning a corner and finding said babe waving to them.
They lowered their weapons (but the cannons in their pants were now pointed at me…)
“This is going to work... Of course, why would I ever doubt my natural charms?”
It was at that moment that the roof of the mall creaked, groaned, and then...
Vanished.
“Now what?”
A wind whipped up, and something started to come down toward us. At first, it was a light, then it became more solid.
It was a flying saucer.
No, I don't mean it was just a UFO. It was actually a flying saucer, just like the movies. It dropped down, and landed in the middle of the food court, and opened up, revealing what looked like a robot. In fact, it looked exactly like the robot from “lost in space”.
Then, something else came out of the ship, and I wanted to scream “Oh, come, on!”
It was a group of little green men. Again, I mean literally. They were maybe three feet high, florescent green, and reminded me of every Martian from every bad sci-fi movie ever made.
The robbers fled, and most of the civilians had found the exits, so it was me and a bunch of stereotype aliens.
Then I heard a soft pop, and Sarah and Yaddie were beside me.
“Hi”
“Yaddie!”
“You got any ideas?”
“Yaddie!”
Sarah said “Please Yaddie. People are going to get hurt”
“Yaddie!”
With that, Yaddie popped out, and a second latter, popped right in front of the spaceship.
“Yaddie!”
Yaddie, the robot, the aliens, and the ship itself popped, and were gone.
“I hope the little gal is okay”
“Yaddie seems to know what she is doing”
“What did it feel like, when she popped you”
“It was....interesting”
“You will have to go into details”
Before she could oblige me, Yaddie re-appeared.
“Yaddie!”
“You didn't hurt them, did you?”
“Yaddie!”
“Good girl”
I swear, Yaddie purred.
“As much as I hate to break up this love-fest, I think we still have some problems.”
The reason why I said that is the weather started to get weird. A massive storm seemed to develop faster than should have been possible. Sarah and Yaddie started to look for shelter, while I bravely headed for the center of the storm. I was soaking, my hairdo was ruined, and I wanted somebody to pay....
A figure came down out of the sky, waved a hand, and the roof re-appeared. I recognized him. He is called the Doctor, and not like the old British TV show. He stood there looking at me for a minute.
“What's up Doc?”
I had always wanted to say that......
He glowered at me, and said, "We must have word, Coyote"
Uh oh.....
Coming Soon!...
The amazing conclusion of the origin of Fluke, in a story called "Coyote ugly"
The Lucky One, Part 4
(Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, and all beings in between, this is the conclusion of the exciting origin of the Fantastic Fluke, “the luckiest person alive.” Without further ado, let's join today's adventure, already in progress....)
It was a dark and stormy night....
(Umm, Fluke? Dot here. Just what are you doing?)
(I got bored waiting for you, so I thought I would get started without you)
(Fluke, leave the writing to professionals, okay?)
(Fine. Should we catch every body up)
(Nah. If they want to, let them go back and read part 3 themselves)
(Dot, that is …. remarkably self-centered of you. I approve, of course.)
(Now that's a scary thought. Lets get going)
I looked up at the man they called the Doctor, our Sorcerer Supreme, as he floated above me, and said, “I am sorry. What was it you just said?”
“I said, we must have words, Coyote “
“Oh. For a second, I though you said 'We must have word' which made no sense to me.”
He glowered at me, which would have been more effective if he hadn't been floating about 10 feet above me.
“And another thing.” I continued, “What's with calling me Coyote? They call me the Fantastic Fluke, and the only Coyote I know of it the bar from the movie.”
“You mean Coyote Ugly?” Sarah asked.
“That's the one.”
The Doctor floated down to me, and said, “Do not play games with me, Coyote. Lord Dark Flame is on the loose, and I have little time to spare.”
(An aside to people in Dorothy's dimension, If you met a person who decides to use the name, “Lord Dark Flame” and you assume that such a person isn't a nice guy, you would be right. )
“Look, I honestly don't know who you are talking about. They call me Fluke, but you can call me Fantastic, and after a night together, you will.”
He looked at me very sternly, and said, “I will use the all-seeing eye of Odin, and find out what you are hiding, Coyote.”
“Sounds kinky. You should be at least taking me to dinner first.”
He pulled out an eyeball. It wasn’t his, but still, eww. What happened next was.... well, you ever see the movie version of the Lord of the Rings? That eye thing sweeping the land like a searchlight? Sort of like that. I shivered, and wished I was somewhere else....
And then I was.
Actually we were. Sarah, Yaddie, and I were well, elsewhere. (Let me just say, teleportation? Not a fun way to travel. Honestly, you’re better off taking the bus.) After our eyes (and stomachs) stopped spinning, I looked around. It was fairly dark, but a large full moon gave enough light to make me very unhappy with what I was looking at.
It was a castle.
It wasn’t some nice, bright castle, like the one at Disneyland. It was a dark, foreboding, creepy castle that came right out of central casting for horror films. (If castles had to audition for that part.)
“Yaddie, did you pop us?”
“Yaddie!”
“Good girl.”
“Yaddie!”
“Don’t suppose you would share as to where we are?”
“Yaddie!”
“Thought not.”
Sarah pulled out her phone, and then said, “No service, Eddi.”
“That’s not good news.”
That’s when things went from bad to worse. The ground shook, and suddenly, dozens of zombies were climbing out of the ground, and they were headed our way.
“I don’t suppose you have a rocket launcher in your purse?” I asked Sarah.
“Not so much as a water gun, sorry.”
“Yaddie? Can you get rid of them? Or maybe get us out of there?”
“Yaddie!” Yaddie made a noise like “phoompht” and then looked embarrassed.
“I assume that’s means no?”
“Yaddie!”
“Marvelous. “
“What about calling on your wizard buddy, Fluke?”
“Worth a shot. Hay Miss Wizard! A weapon would be nice.”
Nothing.
Nada.
Zip.
“Okay, now we could be in trouble.”
“Fluke?”
“Sorry Sarah.” I closed my eyes and held her.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and risked a peek. One of the zombies was trying to get my attention. Once it seemed sure it had succeeded, it made a reasonable approximation of a bow, and then pointed at the castle.
“Cooooome.” It said
“I think it wants us to come with.”
“I gathered.” Sarah said.
“Think we should?”
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
So off we went.
We made our way up to the castle. Once we got to the door, it opened on its own, and our guide led us inside. As soon as we entered, I looked at a huge picture hanging on the wall, and said, “I know that guy from somewhere.”
“Fluke that’s …..HIM.”
“Him who?”
“That’s the Red Baron.”
“You mean the guy Snoopy fought?”
“That was a song, and no.”
“I am the descendant of the original ace fighter pilot .” said a voice.
“I apologize for my friend, Baron Von Richthofen , she has let TV rot her brain.” Sarah said, in a very shaky voice.
“Hay!”
“It is quite all right. Sadly, my predecessor has been reduced to …. humor. I hope someday to restore the family honor.”
I slinked up to the Baron. “Well, looking at you, I judge you will succeed.”
“Umm, Fluke? Dial it down a tad?”
“What?”
The baron disentangled himself from me with some difficulty.
He asked, “And what are your names, lovely ladies?”
“I’m Sarah. The ‘lady’ trying to get into your pants is called Fluke.”
“Yaddie!”
“Oh, yeh. And this is Yaddie.”
He bowed slightly. “And to what I owe the pleasure of your company?”
“Yaddie kinda popped us here by accident. Then a bunch of zombies brought us inside.”
“Ah, yes. A rather effective group for guarding the doors. Less good at being company, however.”
“Well, if you are looking for company....” I started, only to be cut off by Sarah saying, “Not now, Fluke.”
“As charmed as I am by your offer, my dear, you actually arrived at a rather... private moment.”
“I am so sorry if we interrupted you, Baron. If you could provide us transportation, we would be glad to get out of your hair.” Sarah said.
“Could you not leave the way you came?”
“No. Or at least when we asked Yaddie to pop us, nothing happened.”
“Well. Under the circumstances, perhaps I can send you on your way. Please come with me.”
I shrugged at Sarah, and we followed him. We went down a long hallway, up a long staircase, down another long hallway, down a set of stairs, and finally, we were at a room that, based on the heavy door, was not built for visitors.
He opened the door, and said, “Please wait in my laboratory. I will be with you shortly.”
Looking inside, I could see why he called it a “laboratory”, and not a “lab”. A “lab” should have a bright science geek feel. This place was going for a very different vibe. More of a Frankenstein feel to the place, in fact. If he had a monster with bolts in its neck on a slab, it would be perfect.
After a quick look look around, I said to Sarah “Well, he seems charming enough. I bet he’d be fun in bed.”
“Please be careful, Fluke. From what I have read about him, he has a stringent code of honor, but he isn't a person to trifle with. Plus, I don’t think he would sleep with you or anybody else casually.”
“Too bad.”
“ Why, you getting … itchy?”
“You offering to help scratch?”
“Can’t you take anything seriously?”
“Considering how my life has been the last couple of days? Besides, I thought you liked me”
“Eddi, when you were a guy, I liked you. Not because you were a guy, but because you were glad to have me around, and it showed.”
“I’m still glad to have you around. But I feel like i had been nothing but an observer in my own life before I changed. Now, I am trying to make up for lost time.”
“And I don’t blame you.” said our host, making me jump.
He was shirtless, but had added a cape. His chest was covered in strange symbols, but he obviously worked out, and I could feel my pulse rising.
Sara swatted me. “Stop drooling!”
“Sorry.”
He only smiled, and led us out to a room that was dominated by a large circle on the floor.
“Step inside, and the three of you will be sent home.” He said
“Thank you, Baron.” Sarah said.
He took her hand, and gave it a kiss, and then led her to the circle. “It is so nice to meet a respectful young lady.”
Sarah blushed, and stepped into the circle, followed by Yaddie. The Baron took my hand, and kissed it, just as he had done for Sarah.
He said, “The mark of Coyote suits you, I think. We should meet again, and we could discuss your power.”
“Mark of Coyote?” I said, as I stepped into the circle. “What the heck does...” the room vanished, or rather we did.
We were back in the mall. I looked around, but there was no sign of the Doctor. We made our way out, to find a small group of reporters and a policeman coming up.
The policeman said, “I take it that the excitement has ended? I got reports of men in masks, aliens, and I don’t know all what else. “
“All taken care of, thanks to yours truly.” I said.
“Fine. Anything left for me to do?”
“Let me smile pretty for the cameras, I think.”
And that’s exactly what I did. Yaddie did a vanish, and Sarah stepped back, and let me bask in the glow of the admiration of all and sundry. After a while, I slipped away, and went back toward where we had parked the car. Sarah was waiting for me, and as soon as I got close, Yaddie popped back in as well.
“Miss me?” I asked.
“You’re lucky I waited. You could be walking home.”
“That’s me. The luckiest person alive.”
“I have been thinking about that. I think your luck power is responsible for what happened today.”
“You think?”
“Makes sense. How likely is it that all that stuff would happen? And the Baron too. I mean, we met an honest-to-God villain, and he just sends us home without even an evil laugh?”
“You did say he has a code of honor. Maybe it includes not being less than a gentleman to a couple of women.”
“Maybe, but when one of them clearly has superpowers? He doesn’t accuse us of spying on him, or anything?”
“I don’t know, Sarah. Plus, what’s the deal with this ‘Mark of the Coyote’ thing he mentioned? The Doctor called me Coyote too.”
“I am not sure, Eddi. Tomorrow, if you are up to it, we can do some searching online. For now, I think I need a bath. And no, I don’t want company, at least not this time.”
“Hmm. I will have to file that one away. But I feel like I need a bath myself. What about Yaddie?”
Sarah turned to the creature, and said, “Yaddie. Go with Fluke. With her luck, she might have an octopus in her bathtub, or something.”
I grinned at that. “Well, they do say you should save water and bath with a friend.”
“I am too tired to even want to imagine that. I will see you in the morning.”
She gave me a kiss, and then went toward her apartment. I went to mine, with Yaddie bouncing behind me. (Although I am not sure if its “bouncing” if you never hit the ground.)
Soon, I was all covered in suds, and enjoying myself, when, wouldn’t you know it, the door burst open.
“Yaddie!”
“Don’t do that!”
“Yaddie!”
“This better be good.”
I dried off quickly, and by the time i was getting dressed, I could hear thumping.
“That’s coming from Sarah’s place.”
“Yaddie!”
“Yaddie, pop us over there. Now.”
We popped.
My first impression of Sarah’s place was maybe she was really the Doctor. Not the magician, but the TV character. Her place looked bigger on the inside that it looked from outside. The thumping was definitely coming from the bedroom, and I burst in with Yaddie right behind me to find ....
How do i put what she was doing delicately? She wasn't in distress, but she was making a lot of noise. She was using a large rubber toy, and she wasn't playing house. Anybody need me to draw them a picture?
She paused, and must have realized she had company. She opened her eyes, and looked at me.
“Hi. Sorry, Sarah. Thought I heard you being in trouble.”
“I can understand the confusion.”
“Well, again, sorry. We will... just leave you to your business.”
“Well, you kinda spoiled the mood now.”
“Yaddie!”
“Yaddie said she is sorry”
“I’m sure she is.”
“Anyway, we will see you in the morning.”
We slipped out.
“Yaddie!”
“Well, this is another fine mess you got me into.”
“Yaddie!”
We went back to our place, and went to bed. Can I say I had some …. interesting dreams?
The next morning, I did some searching online on Coyote. Turns out, there was an Native American myth about this creature, who, well, looked like a coyote. The thing that interested me was that Coyote was a trickster. There was a knock at my door, and I went to let Sarah in.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
There was an awkward pause.
“Eddie... about yesterday...”
“Say no more, dear. You are talking to someone whose sex drive went from zero to maximum overdrive overnight.”
“That’s … rather decent of you.”
“Anyway, I learned a couple of things about Coyote, you wanna look?”
“Sounds good.”
She looked over what I had found, and said, “A trickster, huh? That seems to make sense.”
“But I thought my power was good luck.”
“Maybe, but maybe its just...probabilities. Like the odds against something happening.”
“Cool. Maybe if Douglas Adams shows up I can invite him to dinner at Milliways.”
“I think he’s dead, Eddi.”
“Then it would be pretty improbable of him to show up, wouldn’t it?”
Before she could reply, the floor shook, and my computer blinked out.
“What was that?” I asked.
As if in answer, my TV blinked into life, and a masked face was on the screen.
“Hello, citizens. I am Dr. Destructo, and you city will be destroyed, unless Aries meets my demands! Come to City Hall, oh great Commander, if you dare!” The TV blinked out.
“I should go help, Sarah. Maybe you take Yaddie and get somewhere safe.”
“Okay, Fluke. Here’s the keys to my car. Good luck.”
“A rather ironic statement, all things considered.”
They popped out.
I put on my “costume” and drove toward City Hall. When I got there, Commander Aries was fighting a giant robot. He looked like he was having fun, so I snuck around, looking for Destructo. I figured he would be remotely running the robot, its kinda the thing he would do. So I looked around, and sure enough, he was sitting in a folding chair on the steps of City hall, giggling as he watched the robot fight with Commander Aries.
I was about to be the heroine who saved the day, when something hit me. I turned around and saw another robot, just like the one Commander Aries was fighting. Only one small difference. This one was six inches tall. And so my first real battle as a super heroine began....
About five minutes later, I was picking myself off the pavement for the third time, and making boxing motions with my hands, while saying “Come on....is that the best you got?” The fact that I was slurring my words, and barely able to stand upright should in no way indicate how the fight was going...
When suddenly, the little robot was drenched in a small rainstorm. I looked overhead, and saw E-Girl, waving at me.
“I had him just where I wanted him!”
“I saw..”
“I suppose I should thank you.”
She smiled, and said, “You were doing wonderfully. What is your name?”
“They call me Fluke.”
“Well, Fluke, shall we tackle Destructo?”
“By all means, after you.”
She zipped toward where Destructo was sitting, and before he could even finish shouting “You won’t stop me this...” she had stopped him.
All I could do was applaud. She managed a passable curtsy, and handed the poor man to me.
She said, “Do you mind holding on to him until the Commander comes? I’m actually late for class.”
So I did my civic duty and was sitting on Destructo when Commander Aries showed up with the last couple of pieces of the giant robot. He said, “Thanks. What’s your name?”
“They call me Fluke.”
“Interesting costume. You know, I have built this facility to help new heroes learn to use their abilities, would you be interested in coming sometime?”
I practically jumped into his arms, and said, “A chance to come home with you? My momma didn’t raise no dummies.”
He actually blushed.
Before we could take off, reporters appeared like magic. Soon, I was being praised as the heroine of the day. And with the events at the mall yesterday still fresh in everyone’s minds, I was really starting to get a bit of a following. Finally, Aries begged off, and flew me to the Compound. How do I describe the Compound? Well, it deserves the capital letter, that’s for sure.
Its HUGE.
As Aries showed me around, it occurred to me that Sarah would love this. One of the things I learned about her during our power shopping trip was the fact she was a fan of Aries and had always dreamed of visiting here. I asked Aries if that was something we could arrange, and he said he would look into it.
After the tour, Aries told me that The Doctor still wanted to talk to me, when I had a chance. I said “Not right now. I should get home, I’m sure my friend Sarah will be worried.”
“That’s fine, for now. Do take care of it, though. I have come to trust The Doctor in this type of situation.”
“I will, I promise.”
Soon after that, we were flying me back home. (a little aside about flying by way of a superhero. - I could understand why Lois Lane could get a hard-on for Superman after going for a flight. It’s exciting, freeing, and yet, at least for me, gave me a feeling of vulnerability that made me feel more feminine that I had since my transformation. The only analogy I could give is the difference between the lead in a dance, and being the one led.)
When we landed, I had a surprise waiting for me - Yaddie.
“Hi Yaddie.”
“Yaddie!”
“This... creature is yours?”
“I guess so. Yaddie this is Commander Aries. He’s one of the good guys.”
“Yaddie!”
“That means ‘hi’, I think.”
“Well, I better get going. Nice to meet you, Fluke.” He waved, and was gone.
“Yaddie!”
“Yaddie, can you take me home, please?”
We popped, and “landed” right in front of Sarah’s place. I knocked, and Sarah answered.
“Hi.” She said. “Fight go well?”
“Sure. Never in any doubt. The fact I am covered in bruises is just a trifle.”
“Aww, poor baby Come in..”
I came in, and said, “Anyway, things turned out okay. I got a chance to meet Aries. He even gave me a tour of the Compound.”
“Really? What was that like.”
“Pretty cool. You might be pleased to know, I asked about letting you visit, and Aries said he would look into it.”
“Eddi! You magnificent woman you!” She gave me a huge hug and a kiss. I made a mental note to do stuff like this more often.
“I have a surprise for you, Eddi.”
“Really. Do tell.”
“I will do better than tell. I will show.”
“Color me intrigued.”
“Wait here. I have been working on this all day.” She slipped into her bedroom, and I tried to find a casual position to wait in. I didn’t know what she had in mind, but my imagination was doing a pretty good job of coming up with some interesting theories .
I’m a big girl, and I can admit that once a century, I’m wrong. And the theories I had entertained at that moment were wrong. Very, very, wrong.
She came out in a costume. Unfortunately it wasn’t a “Naughty Nurse” or a “Sexy Witch” costume (Hay, I like the old standbys, what can I say?) Instead, it was a superhero costume. It was also included belt with the initials “RG” in what looked like diamonds.
“Should I ask what the heck that is?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I’m hoping I’m wrong.”
“I’m going to be your sidekick. I call myself ‘Rich Girl.’ Cute, no?”
“You are amazingly cute. But it’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?’
“Sarah, don’t remember the other day? We almost got eaten by zombies.”
“But we didn’t. Your power protected us.”
“Doesn’t mean it will always extend to you, hon.”
“I think it will, since you will want it to,”
Before I could come up with a witty retort, the doorbell rang. Sarah answered, and The Doctor stepped in.
“You again?” I asked.
“It is time, Coyote. You owe me an explanation for your presence on this plane.”
“Look. All I know about Coyote I learned from the Internet yesterday.”
I proceeded to give him the short version of how I got my amazing abilities.
He said, “A hole in the wall of your closet? Show me.”
I shrugged, and led him back to my home. “Rich Girl” and Yaddie tailed behind him. We went into my room, and I showed him the spot where Yaddie had taken me, the first night after my transformation. He did the eyeball thing again, and the next thing I knew, the path I had taken to the wizard was in front of us.
“I intend to get to the bottom of this.” He said, sounding rather peeved
“I’m coming with you. I deserve the truth.” I said, sounding heroic.
“Yaddie!”
“Sure, why not come too, Yaddie.”
“Me too.” Sarah, aka ‘Rich Girl’ said.
And so off we went, down the yellow brick road. (Oh, wait, that’s Oz.) Up, down. and even upside down, we traveled. Eventually, we were approaching the home of the little wizard.
She took one look at us, and said, “Aww. I was hoping it would take you longer to get here, Doc.” She sounded like a little kid told to go to bed, and as she spoke, she transformed before our eyes.
She turned into a coyote.
Human sized, and standing on it’s back legs, but a coyote.
“All right, Coyote. Out with it. And the eye of Odin will know if you are lying.”
The coyote-thing sighed, and transformed back into her wizard form, and said, “I’m just having a little fun, Doc. Got to pass the time, especially since I’m stuck here.”
“Fun?” I managed.
“How did you get trapped, Coyote?” asked The Doctor.
“Loki. Cheesy little Asgardian....”
“The trickster tricked. Justice, I would think.”
She shrugged, and added, “And since I can’t leave, and its....beyond boring here, I sent my power back to Earth. I didn’t count on the real guardian of this place following to find my representative.”
“Yaddie?” Sarah and I exclaimed at the same time.
“Yaddie!” Yaddie said, looking pleased.
“Can you remove her power? She will cause chaos on Earth.” The Doctor asked.
“Nope. Her power is tied to this tree, and bonded to her body, as long as she lives. I didn't lie to you Fluke. You really are part of this place, now. I guess that's why the guardian follows you.”
The Doctor sighed even louder, and said, “Fine. But no more interference, got me, Coyote?”
“Spoilsport.”
“Coyote...”
“Okay, okay. She is on her own, from now on.”
“Let’s go home, Doctor.” Sarah said, and we started back the way we came. I looked back at my benefactor, and she winked at me.
Trying to think of happier thoughts, I asked. “What happens now?”
The Doctor sighed. “Well, I will turn you over to Aries. ” He said to me, “Maybe he can teach you how to control yourself.”
“You mean she will go to the Compound to be trained? Can I come, Fluke, please?” Sarah begged.
“I won’t go without you, ‘Rich Girl’. You’re my sidekick, after all.”
“Yaddie!”
“I guess I’m stuck with you too, Yaddie.”
We walked the rest of the way back in silence, and when we passed through the hole in my closet, The Doctor said to me, “I expect to see you both bright and early tomorrow morning.”
I saluted, and said, “You got it, Doc.”
He vanished.
I let out a breath, and said, “Well, I guess that’s the end of a strange day.”
“With plenty more strangeness to come, I hope.” Sarah said.
“You’re probably right, Sarah, you’re probably right.”
And you know what? She was.
Fin.
(Well, th...th...that’s all folks, as someone once said. The amazing origin of the Fantastic Fluke. Will there be more tales to come? Only time will tell.)
The Lucky One: Luck be a Lady (Part 1)
For those who haven't read the first adventure of Fluke, you can find it here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/23823/lucky-one
This is my May 2023 Free Comic Book Day Challenge entry, even if I couldn't find that in the contest section . .
Well, hello there, wonderful web readers!
It is I, the Fantastic Fluke, back again with even more adventures!
(I’d say it was due to popular demand, but that goes without saying. I mean who wouldn’t want more of me?)
I got tired of waiting for my co-writer, Dorothy Colleen, to get busy showing the multiverse even more of my acts of daring-do, so here I am!
(Hi guys, its DC here, I’m being held prisoner until this story gets done)
(Now, now, we’re just having a little fun there, DC. I promise we’ll return you to your dimension as soon as we can.)
Anyway, when last DC managed to actually write about me, I had saved the world from the Norse god Loki, who had stolen the powers of a bunch of trickster gods, and was looking to turn the world into a total chaos zone.
Okay, okay. DC is reminding me the other heroes of my Earth helped, and even the villains chipped in. But that’s just a little detail.
So in the aftermath, the other trickster gods took all of Loki’s power away and sent him to the center of the multiverse, where my patron, Coyote, has a residence and can keep him company.
But there was apparently nothing they could do about the fact that Earth is kind of saturated in chaos magic, which has resulted in a number of people gaining superpowers, and more developing the potential for powers.
Considering up to that point there had been less than two dozen super-powered people, including the villains, that’s a big change.
So for a while, we heroes were a tad busy just cleaning up the mess.
Finally though, I decided we needed a break, and by “we” I meant Sarah and I.
(I hope you guys haven’t forgotten Sarah, my former landlord and now my partner in both heroics and civilian life. Thanks to hanging around me she built herself a supersuit, and goes by the code name “Rich Girl”.)
I am not going to go into graphic details, but suffice to say Sarah has taught me the difference between having sex and making love. I have had my share of sex, but making love emphasises the “love” part, and in my humble opinion, (and as you all know, I am always very humble) making love is a LOT better. I highly recommend it.
I’ll give my patron Coyote this, she/he (I’m honestly not sure. It might be “they”) waited until we were in the post sex spooning portion of events before sending us a message that we were going to be needed as soon as we could get dressed.
So, gathering our clothes, our wits, and the official guardian of the center of the multiverse, Yaddie, we went to see what the god wanted.
Once we arrived at Coyote’s place, the god explained to us that there had been cosmic consequences to the recent shenanigans Loki had caused.
Apparently, the effects reached into the Multiversal Pathway, the route we took to come from Earth to the center of the Multiverse.
As a result, Coyote wanted us to go to some other realities, and see what damage was done, and help fix it if we could.
Sarah pointed out that our own Earth was still in some difficulty, but Coyote said time passes differently in other dimensions, and so we could be gone for months and when we got back only days would have passed, if even that much time.
Sarah and I talked together for a bit, and then we both decided we would do our best to help.
We really had no idea what we were getting into. As weird as our lives had been up to that point, it was just about to get a lot weirder . . .
Coyote told us that Yaddie would be able to lead us where we needed to go, and then did something strange, even by the god’s standards - Coyote rummaged through a chest (which caused something inside of it to swear at Coyote) pulled out a pendant, and gave it to Sarah to wear, saying it was a little extra luck, just in case.
I should have been offended since thanks to Coyote I’m basically Luck incarnate, but anything that kept Sarah safe was okay with me, so we took off, heading for the first reality that was going to need our help.
It was a good thing we had someone who knew where to go, because the Multiversal Pathway is really complex, and it's the only safe area between worlds, as apparently all kinds of creatures live in the interdimensional space, and not all of them are friendly.
We got to the entrance to the first reality we were going to visit, and Sarah turned to me and said, “Time for a leap of faith?”
“Sure,” I replied, “Leap of faith to save a world”
We landed face first on a sidewalk. Well, I landed face first on the sidewalk. Sarah’s supersuit has rockets in her high heeled boots, so she made a controlled landing, and Yaddie ignores gravity anyway.
Sarah helped me up, and asked “Anything bruised?”
“Only my dignity” I replied.
“No harm then, your ego will soon inflate.” She said with a smile.
“Hey, nothing wrong with knowing how great I am.” I said.
“No comment,” she replied, and then asked, “any idea where we are?”
“Why would I know?” I pointed out.
“Wasn’t asking you, I was asking Yaddie.”
“Yaddie!” Yaddie yelped.
“An alternate Earth. Well, maybe the crowd of people coming our way will help us narrow things down.” Sarah said.
Crowd? Oh yeah, our arrival had apparently drawn some attention from the locals, and they were coming to investigate.
Now, as the Fantastic Fluke, I am no stranger to getting attention. I am often mobbed by fans, who love and adore me, and who can blame them.
This crowd was different. They clearly were curious, but also cautious. They obviously had no idea who we were, which considering it was an alternate Earth shouldn’t have surprised me, but I am so used to being famous it took me a minute to adjust.
Fortunately, before anything too scary happened a new figure appeared.
At first, it appeared to be a large bird made entirely of flame, but then, it turned into a young woman dressed in a red costume with the stylized image of a flaming bird on her chest.
Look, I’m not one to be critical of costume choices. My current outfit looks like a bathing suit, except all the bits of me from my wrists to my ankles not covered by the bathing suit are covered by sheer fabric, and while I happen to think it’s a sexy look, some spoilsports disagree. But her outfit looked like it was painted on, and since she also seemed to be under 18, that’s a bit of a yikes in my book.
Still, I bravely stepped forward, and said, “We come in peace!”
She looked at me, and then she said “You’re from another dimension.”
“How did you know that?” I asked.
“I’m a telepath.” She replied.
“Goody,” I said, and then added, “Then you probably now know I’m Fluke, this is Rich Girl, and that is Yaddie. We’re here because a chaos wave is going through the multiverse, making weird stuff happen.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Phoenix, and it's actually been kind of quiet since I and some other heroes shut down a group of psychopaths who wanted to take over the world with computer chips they would put in people’s brains.” She said.
I facepalmed, and said, “You had to say the ‘Q’ word, didn’t you.”
She looked confused, but before she could ask what I meant or even use her telepathy to find out, an alien armada appeared in the sky.
She looked up, and asked “What the heck?”
I replied, “That’s why you never say the ‘Q’ word.”
“What do you think they want?” Sarah asked.
“Considering how armed they appear to be, nothing nice.” I answered.
The aliens must have taken lessons from the Vogons, as they made their announcement heard all over the world.
The announcement went “People of Earth. Turn over the Phoenix to us, or we will destroy your world. You have one of your Earth hours.”
“I hate it when I’m right,” I said.
“What could they want with me?” Phoenix asked.
“Well, you’re the telepath, can’t you find out?” Sarah pointed out.
“I can try.” She replied.
She became quiet, and closed her eyes, and then, after a minute, she opened them and said, “There are two alien species involved, but they represent others. Including one who had their fleet destroyed by the Phoenix before I became its host.”
“I can understand that might make someone a tad upset.” I said.
“I guess I have to go. I can’t let them hurt the planet because of me.” Phoenix said.
“Okay, but let us come with you. I have to believe this is because of the chaos wave, and so we need to help.” Sarah said.
“All right. I can use my telekinesis to carry you.” Phoenix offered.
“That’s okay. Yaddie and I fly, and I’ll carry Fluke.” Sarah said.
So we started flying up, with me in the Lois lane position. Not that I was complaining much, as snuggling with Sarah is always fun, although more fun when she isn’t wearing her supersuit. Or anything else, for that matter.
Once we got to the lead ship, we were invited in, and some introductions were made. Both of the main alien species had something in common, besides a sense of fear about Phoenix. They both kind of had a bird motif going. The one, called the Shi’ar had feathers instead of hair, and the other, who were referred to as the Thanagarians, wore helmets with a bird beak and had artificial wings.
Once introductions were done, Sarah did a reasonable imitation of a defense attorney, pointing out that Phoenix’s host, a girl named Jean Grey, was not part of what happened to the alien fleet, so punishing Phoenix would also punish an innocent person.
I don’t know if that argument was going to make a difference, but it sure confused the aliens, so I gave her a kudo anyway.
Then things managed to get even weirder. The sensors on the alien’s ship told them there was another Phoenix headed our way.
Jean managed to convince the aliens to let her go handle it, and for some reason, she wanted me with her.
Knowing my effect on people, she probably had developed a crush, but I figured I’d help out anyway, since this was probably due to the chaos wave, which made it my responsibility.
Jean said, “First, Aliens, and now, another Phoenix, probably from some other reality. This is getting weird.”
“If this is because of the chaos wave, expect things to get even weirder” I pointed out.
I was more right than usual, as we were about to find out . . .