by Michelle Wilder
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(Previously published here in a slightly different form as 'New School')
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The last students were funneling into the school, like water down a drain. A loud ringing echoed out the doors.
“Would you hurry UP!!? That's second bell already! ” Megan grabbed Craig’s arm and leaned into a near-run, skirts flying in the breeze. “We’re gonna be late!”
Her best friend was already hurrying... he thought, anyway. Not running, for sure, but not dawdling either. Things to hurry to. Right. New school. New kids. New teachers. Everything new. The new freak.
He sighed and tried to pick it up a few fpm when Megan suddenly stopped and stood in his way, taking his hands.
“Look, it’ll be better, okay? I promise....” She'd seen the old Craig make a reappearance. The one who hadn’t been able to go back to his old school. She tried to make him feel her confidence through her grip.
“You’re in my home room, and Mr. Johnston is really a great teacher and he, he won’t....” Anything. He wouldn't do anything. He was a safe man. "He's really cool, you'll see."
They’d all talked about all of it, her and his sister and parents and Mr. Banning and the psychiatrist. Her parents and... everyone. The police.
She didn’t want to do it all again, or have the energy, or the tears. And she knew it’d be better here. Her school. Now his school, too. Their school.
“I promise, okay? Please?” She pulled him into a strong hug and tried to make him remember all of it, all the good stuff that her school would be that they'd talked about.
Diana Warkington saw the two stragglers reach the steps and started to react before she recognized them. Her stiffened frame relaxed back into its normal, somewhat less-intimidating appearance. No runway model, she was still a 'handsome' woman, as she'd been told far too often, though her students had often blessed her with a more treasured description: my favorite teacher.
As they reached the front doors she pulled one open before Megan could grasp the handle.
“Wha... Oh! Mrs. Wark-ington...”
Megan looked upset for a second before Diana smiled. “It’s okay, Megan.” She turned her attention to Craig. “Welcome to our school, Craig. Do you remember me? I’m Principal Diana Warkington. We met last week?”
He didn’t look like he remembered, because he didn't, but he knew he’d gotten them in trouble already and Megan was an honor student and...
“I’m glad I caught you two before class.” Diana caught Craig’s face changing in a fraction of a second and realized how close he’d been to... crying, perhaps. She interrupted his thoughts and gathered them towards the school offices before he could complete the emotion, or relapse, or... whatever. Her students weren't like this too often, thank goodness, but she had decades of experience to draw on.
"Now, Craig, we need you to sit down with Miss Edwards and go over your class schedule and subject retesting and then you come see me and I'll take you around to meet your teachers, okay, dear?"
She thought she should stay with him a while as he still looked fragile. She put an arm around his shoulders to guide him into the busy front office and looked up only when she thought he was composed enough. And once again rejoiced that the board hadn't jumped on the 'no touching the students' bandwagon: he needed an arm just then.
"Everyone?"
Everyone looked up and the room quieted to the hush of a telephone conversation and the copy machine.
"This is Craig Danvers, our new student. Craig, this is the school office and I'll introduce you around... this is Mrs. Dzyndra, our office manager, and if you need anything at all that you don't know, you see her...."
The introductions took only a few minutes. Craig tried to remember, and tried to be polite, and tried not to see the pictures hung all about the room. Sports teams. Choirs. Casts of plays. Graduating classes. Some of them looked like they were from a century ago, though he knew the academy was only half that old.
And they were all girls. Hundreds and thousands of girls. Decades of girls. Men teachers, especially in some of the newer ones... but all girl students. He was the first boy, ever. The only one.
"Sweetheart?"
He looked up and Mrs. Dizz-indra was leaning over him, her hand kind of stopped in the air near his face. She was an old woman, or looked old, but she reminded him of his Aunt Lulu, who was the nicest....
"Are you feeling alright? You looked pale there for a moment."
She even sounded nice, and touched his forehead with the back of her hand. Like his mother. He nodded. She looked confused, or like she was going to ask more, until he smiled.
"I was just... I guess I'm just nervous."
She smiled a huge smile, showing all her teeth. "Of what? Mrs. Warkington's bark is far worse than her bite, I assure you." She winked and made it a joke.
"And I know you'll like Mr. Johnston. He's a wonderful man and a very fine teacher, and I happen to know that your class is the nicest in the school." She grinned at him like a secret. "Aside from Megan, of course... a real troublemaker...."
Megan was in Mrs. Warkington's office just then and Craig looked at the door, unsure if he was supposed to keep up a joke, or if....
"Oh for heaven's sake, Carole, leave the poor thing alone!"
"Who? Megan?! She doesn't need any help!" Mrs. Dzyndra and the other ladies laughed, but like it was a good thing.
And Craig wasn't nervous any more, when he noticed.
----
It was into second period by the time Mrs. Warkington walked with him to his new homeroom, so it wouldn't even be homeroom, but English Literature, which was Mr. Johnston's class, and Megan was in it too, so it was still, well, the same.
There were dozens more photos of girls in the hallways, each with a typewritten list of everyone pictured and the date, just a year. 1949. 1950. 1963. They stopped at door 221, beside a photo of the graduating class of 1956. It wasn't a very-very big class, and all the girls looked grown-up in long skirts and jackets, all the same.
"Here we are." Mrs. Warkington knocked on the door and opened it a second later, peeking in before stepping in. "Mr. Johnston, I'm here with Craig Danvers." She pushed open the door and nudged him through in front of her.
Everyone looked at him. All the girls. Some grinning, some neutral, some not. One girl in the middle of the room scared him, she was so mean looking. But they were all looking, and he couldn't look away. Then Megan stopped smiling and stood up at her desk. "Mrs. Warkington?"
Mrs. Warkington looked around at her, and him, just before he was going to turn and leave. Or something like that. But she saw something, from her face, and he stopped.
"Craig?" Mr. Johnston stepped over and put out his hand. "I'm Mr. Johnston and I'll be your new homeroom teacher, student advisor and English Literature teacher. It's good to meet you." He smiled.
Craig had to concentrate, but he shook hands and tried to look normal, even if things were blurring by too fast. Mr. Johnston seemed nice. He didn't hold his hand too long, either. The one policeman was like that....
The memory made Craig feel cold.He didn't like shaking hands with men any more.
He was shown to the empty desk beside Megan, an old-fashioned wooden one with a lifting top, and got his english text and followed along. He pretended to, anyway, it was all going way too fast. But at least he could look at the room and slow down.
Mr. J - all the girls called him that, except the mean one - Mr. J was nice, kind of dramatic, like over-acting so they could see what he meant, and really pretty good at explaining without making questions seem stupid or something. Not like most teachers did, in most classes he'd been in.
He was younger than Mrs. Warkington and the funny woman in the office, whose name he'd already forgotten... Mrs. Dizzinda, Dizzindra. But he was still older than his father, or looked it. Maybe that he was older was easier.
He tried not to look at any of the other students - girls - unless they were talking or asking something, and then he just peeked, but they seemed different than his old school. More like the nerds there, but not like them, either. Maybe that they were almost all listening to what Mr. J was teaching. Some weren't, but most were.
In his old school, most would've been ignoring him.
The classroom was really nice, too, like a library, with one wall all oak bookshelves with glass-door cabinets on top, and the other side all old windows all the way to the ceiling. It looked a hundred years old.
---
When the bell rang everyone moved, like a rush of sound, scraping chairs and books and talking and laughs. About six girls turned to him. One of the tallest girls in the class, who had the desk on his right... Karen, he sorta remembered... Karen turned in her seat and smiled again, like she had on and off all class.
"Hi, Craig." She smiled more, like she thought something was funny. "Welcome to Balantine's and if Megan's your friend then you can't be as bad as Shelly says so I'll reserve judgement."
Another girl growled and laughed and said shaddup dummy, and stuck her hand out like a guy. "Hi. I'm Shelly and welcome too, and don't listen to Karen."
"Hi...." Craig had to think past his nervousness, but he took her hand and she squeezed his pretty hard.
She looked completely normal, not making fun of him... none of them did. Just the one who'd glared at him and she'd left in a hurry when the bell rang and not even looked at him again as far as he knew.
Megan took over introductions: Karen, Shelly, Brittany, Nayleen, Gillian ("AKA Gilligan" "Shut UP, Shelly! It's 'Gillian,' hi!").
They all said hello and he was welcome and they didn't once say anything about him being a boy, there, in the whole two minutes before the next class' warning bell.
----
Lunch was different. Karen and Nayleen were in his Civics class and they'd introduced him to their study group, the way the class was set up, and all of them walked to the lunch room together.
Lunch was in its own room on the ground floor, and along the way they passed four girls standing outside a washroom who stared at him. One was the girl from his homeroom.
The girls he was with stopped laughing and talking and Karen sniffed. Nayleen did something with her hand, a flip thing, and then turned her back on them and spoke to Craig, just loud enough for their group to hear.
"Ignore Saundra and the coven. She's just pissed that her perfect world is more complicated than a Saturday cartoon." Then she lowered her voice. "She was mad at me too. Not blonde enough for her...."
She sounded a lot madder than she was trying to look.
Craig watched her, and suddenly realized there weren't many black or... most of the girls in the school were white. He looked back down the hall at the four girls, including Saundra. "She's prejudiced?"
Nayleen looked at him differently and almost snarled. "Yes! And she said my name was phony... an-"
"Then she's an idiot!" When she looked up at him, he tried to smile. "I like your name. It's beautiful. It made me think of a bible name, or like an Arabian Nights story...."
Nayleen looked at him a few seconds and then smiled a little. "Thanks."
He could see how hurt she still was and how... he didn't have any idea. But his chest hurt. He knew how bad it was back in Central High for any of the black or other kids who weren't plain white. Or what Jeremey said was straight-looking, straight-acting. Same difference from the bigots. So it was the same here. Except for her smile.
Nayleen and the other girls were watching him, or both of them, when another girl from homeroom, he didn't know her name, walked up and said hey, guys? and they all broke up, or the tension and feelings that had happened seemed to disappear, except Nayleen took his arm for the rest of the way while everyone chatted and she introduced the girl as Naomi, "Another bible name."
And she winked, or scrunched both eyes, anyway, but she'd lost the hurt look.
"My mother'd argue the bible stuff," Naomi said, and rolled her eyes. "She was thinking more like the pagan, naked-dancing in the moonlight Naomi type."
Nayleen's arm felt nice, like Megan was there. Karen and Nayleen were like Megan, he realized. Felt like her. They all did, sorta. Like she'd promised, like his sister had, too.
-
There were big tables in the lunch room, but none big enough for everyone. Craig sat between Nayleen and Megan in the chairs Megan had saved and looked around at the dozen girls at their table. They were all smiling, a dozen different ways, and waiting.
Megan and him had talked about this, and the shrink, and his mom. He mentally ahem-ed and tried to talk despite the sharp pain that was suddenly in his real throat.
"Hi." He had to look at the table, his hands. Everyone saying little 'hi's back helped, even if he kept talking without looking, which was sorta rude. "I'm... I...." He faded out.
"Can I?" Megan put her hand on his shoulder. Craig nodded and looked at his hands again.
"Like you heard, and the letters home, Craig was bullied and had to leave his last school, and the board here was, they agreed he could come here this year for his safety and the school board is paying his tuition and everything. The public school board."
"Isn't... aren't the bullies getting anything?" One of the girls from Civics asked. Paula. Megan answered.
"They're all being completely sued. The school board can't do that, but Craig's parents are and some other parents too." She paused. "And one of them is being prosecuted."
She leaned into his shoulder and looked at him to see. "I guess you all heard about that." She said it so he would know they knew, again.
Nayleen put her hand on his other arm and whispered, "It's okay, honey."
All the girls made okay noises, he thought. But they also gradually got back to more normal talk and ate their lunches. Craig had a few bites.
-
The lunchroom seemed normal, like he woulda expected in any normal school, except for two tables of girls on the other side of the room who sort of seemed different to him, more like his old school, maybe less happy, and except that there were no other boys, it was an okay lunch for him, even though he didn't really eat.
----
All afternoon he sat at a table in the office and did the tests they'd set up for each subject. Mrs. Dzyndra brought him each one and explained they weren't pass or fail tests, just to assess his work. Which seemed the same, but she said it wasn't, and brought him juice once and made him take breaks, too, after each test.
About fifteen minutes before last bell Mrs. Warkington interrupted him, or came up, anyway. He was having trouble with the math test.
"I think that's enough for today, dear." She smiled at his relief. "Six exams in one afternoon is a bit much, I bet?"
She gathered up all the papers and put them in her office and then led him through the quiet halls, showing him the special areas... the music room where the band, or an orchestra or whatever was practicing... the big, dark theater where she told him plays and concerts and assemblies happened. And the two gyms, one where there was going to be a basketball game with another school that night, she said, and some kind of dance class was happening in the other. And the empty game fields.
While they were at the rear doors looking at the fields and the rain, she changed the subject.
"Was everyone nice to you today?" She sounded like it was a regular question. He knew better. He also knew what to compare it to.
"Yes." He looked up at her. She was tall. "Everyone was wonderful." He didn't want to tell her about Saundra or her friends, or what Nayleen had told him.
Mrs. Warkington seemed to think about that, what he'd said. She spoke quietly and looked at his face. "I know it's early, but do you think you'll feel safe here?"
Did he think someone would break his nose here? Or punch him or do burns on his arms hard enough to bleed? Or cut off his clothes with a knife?
Wait after school and rape him? Make him say....
He started to cry before he could stop.
----
His sister was waiting outside in her new car to give Megan and him a ride home. He knew he was late but they acted normal and Lynda didn't embarrass him like she could, even though he was getting used to it. Even though she didn't mean to.
Before they started, before she put the car in gear, Lynda reached over to touch his neck, or his ear, or his cheek for a second. "Are you okay? You look all red-eyed and...."
"It's okay. She... Mrs. Warkington just asked a... a hard question... is all." He tried to sound okay.
Megan reached between the seats and touched his arm too. "Oh... she's usually nice, though. Did she..?"
She stopped, but he knew what she meant. Lynda wanted to ask something hard, he knew.
"She just brought up memories is all." He tried to smile but he had to touch Meg's hand. "I'm alright now."
----
They talked about the school and what Lynda thought were the best parts, again, and about the tests and if he thought he'd be up to the class standards, and he wasn't in geometry at all, or maybe science and history either, but they said that was maybe just the different curriculum and he might, but he knew he was at least a class behind... he was a class behind at Central too, probably. He couldn't study there and skipped a lot....
----
"Okay." Lynda pulled the car over and didn't seem to care about where. She unbuckled and leaned over to pull him into a hug. She rubbed his back.
"Stop thinking about whatever you are and think about this, and the sound of the windshield wipers and the cars, okay? The quiet sounds...."
When he stopped crying, pretty quickly this time, she kissed his forehead and wiped his face and finished driving home.
-
Megan stayed for supper and to help with his first homework in months. English and civics. Reading. Probably not even the real classes he'd be in, even, he thought.
----
Robert sat on the edge of the bed, his rough hand on his son's back and neck, gently rubbing, and waited with Lynda for the tears and shakes to quiet down....
He thought his thoughts of hatred and... revenge. He also, once again, channeled his emotions into more productive thoughts and feelings.
Craig didn't need avenging. He needed love and safety and a father he could trust. He gently stroked his youngest child's hair.
----
Margaret and Robert mourned their old, safe world late into the night. It had been a hard day, full of worries, even if everything had gone so well.
Lynda watched her brother's sleep-softened features until she too drifted off into dreams... good ones, for a change.
----
Homeroom was a ritual. Mr. J read out each name by desk position, front to back in each row, and reminded each girl of her day's whatever: after-school stuff, deadlines and assignments, and even new things that were interesting, like the new school play that was going to start auditions next week. He really knew them all, what every girl was doing.
Way different homeroom.
The girls listened, or worked on things, or even chatted and wrote and passed notes, but Mr. J and whoever he was talking to had the floor. It lasted the whole hour. It was really different than Central.
"Craig?" He was last on the list, different than his desk position, but he was new. "You have testing to finish this morning and I think Mrs. Warkington will have a few results by this afternoon...." He looked at the whole class, then back at him.
"Have any of the activities I've mentioned appealed to you? The varsity sports are off-limits, state rules, but all of the intramural and rec classes and programs are open and I ~know~ Mrs. Higgins is drooling over the idea of an actor with a lower-than-soprano voice." Some of the girls laughed.
Craig had been in two school plays, just bit parts, but they were still fun. Back in junior high. He nodded. "Maybe?"
Megan and Nayleen both made "yeah!" kind of noises and Karen whispered that it was really fun and she was going to audition too. Saundra's desk made a noise. Her direction, at least. It was enough to make Craig's hair prickle.
Mr. Johnston smiled and made some notes in his binder. "Alright then... so drama and...." he looked up. "Any sports or musical or academic interests that I've mentioned?"
"Physics club!" someone at the back called, and a couple of girls laughed.
Mr. J smiled funny. Like laughing funny. "We have a thriving physics club this year, if you're interested?" Craig smiled for the first time, he noticed, after everyone else broke up and someone said there was nobody in it to thrive!
Someone at the back called, "Physics parties!" Craig laughed too, and looked around at who said it, at the nerdiness of it. It didn't even matter if Saundra was looking at him like she was, for just then. He still stopped laughing and turned back. He stopped feeling happy, too.
Mr. Johnston saw Saundra's look, and Craig's smile disappear. Nayleen and Megan saw that he saw.
----
The testing took the rest of the morning, at least with the results that Mrs. Dzyndra and Miss Edwards, the guidance counsellor, went over with him.
He was going to have to re-do his science and maths for sure, maybe with the grade nine classes, maybe with tutors, and all sorts of remedial and catch-up stuff, so far as they could see, but they both said it was okay and he'd do fine.
----
At noon, since he was late, Miss Edwards walked with him to the lunch room. She noticed his steps getting slower as they approached the noisy room, and asked if he had a moment?
-
Stepping into one of the classrooms, she sat in a student chair beside the one she pulled out for him.
She was young, to be a teacher, or counsellor. As young as Lynda.... He looked down after he caught himself looking at her so closely.
"This isn't official, but I'm your guidance counselor.... How are you holding up?"
She didn't move when she talked. Lynda always moved, like tiny little motions with every sound.
He had to think, hard. Not to go to the really big things, not to just hurt from them. Not to lie. Not to tell the truth, or all of it... that he was afraid of Saundra and those girls, and the feelings that were the same in his head as Dan had been, and Kyle. And how that still was a waking nightmare. And he knew it was stupid, or not realistic. But he... they were, to him.
-
Miss Edwards knew what had happened in Kennaston Central High. To him, around him, and ~because~ of what had happened to him. She knew exactly why he was the first boy to ever be enrolled at Balantine's Girls' Academy.
She knew about Saundra too. She even said her name. That Mr. J had mentioned her.
Over a long and tearful lunch hour she began to see that Saundra and the boys at Central were very much the same, to Craig. And as often as he said he was stupid, she kept saying he wasn't.
So he missed science, again. The class he wouldn't even be going to, probably, while he ate in her office. And they talked.
----
When they met Karen and Shelly in the halls on the way to second afternoon class, they took over from Miss Edwards. Then, when she was out of sight, they pulled him into the closest washroom.
"You look like you've been maced!" Shelly stared into his eyes and frowned, almost... well, more sad than frown, as she saw he'd been crying. She pulled him into a hug before Karen could, a second later.
It was the wrong thing to do, for him, almost like a conditioned reflex.
----
In biology, after Karen went in first and whispered to Mrs. Bell something to explain why they were so late, Crag was happy - or at least not mortified - to find that nobody mentioned the concealer that Karen had insisted she dab under his eyes. The eye-drops helped too.
Mrs. Bell didn't even embarrass him by doing the introduction thing, but just said a kind of formal hello and pointed out a seat, and got right back to the class.
----
Lynda saw Craig only after the small crowd of girls spread out from around him. Megan's friends Nayleen and Naomi, and Shelly, she thought. But five or six others, and she saw the quick hugs from Shelly and Nayleen. And Karen, the tall one. Shelly's long one. The way she touched his face.
All the girls touched him goodbye, or made touching reaches to him.
He still cried a little in the car, but not like the first day, and not from the pain of remembering. More like it was a long, hard day and he had to cry. Like he was supposed to. Like she was happy to help with, with Megan, even if it was surprising to find the makeup, which she didn't mention.
----
End of part one
---
At supper, Robert watched his two children.
Lynda sat close by her brother, so different since she'd moved home from college, touching him often. Craig touched her too, but he did it more deliberately, or maybe he just wasn't as good at making it seem accidental or casual. He could see how much Craig needed to touch, and how happy Lynda was to be there for him.
She reminded him of when they'd been tiny, when she was a big six or seven or eight-year old girl, so proud of her baby brother, defending him, rescuing him from little falls or the bumps and scrapes of life. How proud she'd been when he reached the little milestones she barely remembered from a few years before.
He watched her gentle touch on his arm while he answered something Margaret had mentioned, and the little flicker of happiness Lynda showed... just at... her brother.
Robert knew the stinging in his eyes was normal emotion, and that tears weren't always for grief, or anger, or sadness. No matter he had felt all of those so much lately. But he was still surprised to find himself almost crying, just for love.
----
Craig and Lynda whispered about his day, waiting for their father to come in to sit with them, the way he did. She asked him to roll over and she snuggled tightly against his back and nestled her face into his hair and neck, sharing his pillow.
"You had some makeup on this afternoon...."
He stiffened, and she kissed his neck and hugged his back tight to her breasts. "Shhh. It's okay. I was just wondering."
"Karen... one of the girls, she said I looked terrible and..."
"Were you crying?" As soon as she said it she wanted to explain it was okay, that she wasn't ashamed, that he should. And then what made him cry, if someone hurt him....
"I was talking with the counsellor and I guess it showed...."
"It's okay..." She waited a breath or two. He breathed too, calming down, losing the tension.
"So she helped a bit?" He nodded.
"That's nice." She snuggled into him just a tiny bit more, to feel better.
-
When their father came, Lynda watched his face in the dim light and thought about how it wouldn't matter to him one bit if his son had makeup on so he could look better or feel safer. And about what she'd seen at supper.
-
When he touched Craig's face, after his breathing slowed, Lynda put her hand there too.
"I love you, Daddy."
He smiled at her in the dark and moved his hand so it was on top of hers. "I love you too, Cookie. Thank you. You're a very good big sister."
-
He sat on her side of the bed until she fell asleep, too.
----
Before he was ready to head down for breakfast Lynda looked closely at her brother's face and then directed him into her bedroom.
"Karen was right...." She dug in her purse and thought that she'd have to toss most of the stuff she still had in her vanity, it was so old. "Here." She pulled out the little tube of liquid makeup. "We're about the same skin type so this'll be even better...."
When she looked up he was confused, so she explained. "Karen was right, what she said," she smiled. "You look like you're getting over two black eyes." She twisted open the tube.
"This is liquid concealer that matches me in the summer. For under your eyes. Come over by the window."
----
"Good morning class!" Mr. J seemed to be in a good mood as he swept in and sat and opened his attendance file all in one smooth process. "Teresa...."
After a few minutes Karen passed a note over to Craig and he looked nervously at Mr. J before he remembered that it was okay.
'You look great! That's a better match than mine'
He turned a blotchy red from the embarrassment, fear and sudden need to use the bathroom. When he looked at Karen, afraid to see what he might see, she smiled widely and gave a little thumbs up. And then sat up to smile at Mr. J. Craig looked the other way at Megan and she was looking at some book, a novel. Gillian smiled at him from behind her and then looked at the back of the class at someone talking about soccer.
All normal. Weird, he thought.
"Craig?" Mr. Johnston startled him, but it was just roll call, and in his seat order, too. "You have a meeting with Mrs. Warkington first period, and then schedule revision with Miss Edwards and you'll keep this home room no matter what, okay?" Craig nodded.
"Have you thought about activities yet? It's early enough in the term but you shouldn't wait too long, okay?" He grinned. "Mrs. Higgins is really excited about you, you know. Jumping up and down...."
Karen and some other girl laughed a loud noise and Megan leaned over and whispered she was about 85 years old. Mr J interrupted. Or kept talking.
"Not literally jumping, of course... though most plays are literary, they are acted, not read." Mr. J looked expectant. Or stupid. Several girls groaned.
"Bad one, Mr. J..." "MAY-JOR reach!" Apparently Craig wasn't dumb, just the joke. If it was one.
But he decided to see Mrs. Higgins.
----
At the bell almost the same bunch of girls from lunch quickly gathered around him and all of them commented on Lynda's makeup job and how well she'd done it and how it blended perfectly and he finally asked, then how had they noticed?
Shelly laughed and tweaked his nose. "Because you look too good to be natural!" All the girls laughed, or smiled. It felt good to be laughed at without thinking a punch was coming.
They all moved out.
----
"Bye bye, cutie pie! See you at lunch!" Naomi pecked his cheek at the door of the office and ran off giggling.
Mrs. Dzyndra looked up from her desk near the front counter and smiled at him.
"Making friends, I see? Good for you, dear." She picked up a fat file folder and hefted it in his direction. He took the hint and took it.
"That's all the tests you've done and the results and Ms Edwards' papers and your official record, so don't lose it or you won't exist." She smiled the joke and he smiled back.
"If I fold it...?"
"Then you go through life with a limp. Whatever you do, don't tear it!" She looked horrified, badly.
----
Mrs. Warkington wanted him to take most of his classes with the grade eights, except English, but he'd be tutored as well, this term at least, and get special attention from the teachers in all of them. She said he'd probably be at his grade level, or enough to attend the classes, by the next term, but they'd see. And he'd need to get a lot of help for maths, and might take longer to catch up.
The bad news, if that was good news, was that he had to see Miss Edwards twice a week for more counseling, even if Mrs. Warkington said it was just to make sure he was keeping up academically.
And his father had just called to say he was coming to pick him up for after lunch to see the lawyers again. Something new.
New was always bad.
----
They walked around the school and Mrs. Warkington introduced him to his new classes, or new teachers anyway, while dozens of girls a year younger than him smiled and did little waves and giggled.
By the fourth one, he wasn't seeing them.
----
He was surprised when Miss Edwards sat in the chair next to him instead of behind her desk.
"May I?" She put her hand above his, far enough away that she wasn't touching in any way, but he saw and nodded. She put it on his and pressed down gently. "I noticed you have some makeup on today." She smiled at his squirm.
"You look very nice. You're allowed subtle makeup, but natural colors only during classes." She made a giggle and squeezed his fingers with the one hand while picking a photocopied pamphlet off her desk with the other.
"Some of our future lawyers have pointed out, rather successfully, that blue, pink and iridescent green are natural, too." She smiled. "But keep it subtle is all we ask. The same with hair. This is the policy, so just be reasonable, okay?"
He explained that Lynda had just used her concealer stuff after she saw what Karen did the day before, to make his dark circles less... and his sister....
Miss Edwards said he looked very nice like that, that it helped, and wasn't he sleeping well?
----
He was late for lunch, again, and Mrs. Dzyndra walked with him from the office since she was going to buy some food anyway. She took his arm as they walked.
"Craig, dear?" She hugged his arm slightly harder. "I noticed that some of the girls are calling you affectionate names. Is that alright with you? I hope they aren't teasing you?"
He blushed at her noticing. "No, it's okay." He looked down more and his voice thickened. "In my old school... they... they said, um, worse... things."
She slowed a little. Then she stopped and turned to him. He thought she looked mad and he pulled back a little.
"You'll tell a teacher or Mrs. Warkington or someone if that ~ever~ happens here, won't you?" She looked sad, not mad. "Could you promise me that?"
He nodded because even if she wasn't, he'd thought she was mad at him for a second, and he was scared. And when he was scared, ever since, he couldn't talk well. And was embarrassed for anyone to hear.
She must've thought it was enough because she took his arm again. This time he held onto hers too, squeezing it in so he wouldn't feel him shake. She patted his hand as they walked a little further. "You ~are~ a little sweetheart, aren't you?"
He looked at her with wide eyes and she smiled at him and winked. "Holding an old lady's arm while she walks.... I feel quite honored."
Even though she'd taken his arm, first.
At the door to the lunchroom she gave him almost the same little hug Naomi did and set off to the cafeteria counter while he looked for the girls, who were waving from the same table and pointing rather obviously to an empty chair.
All of them looked at his face and commented on how the concealer was a good thing but it was wearing off and Shelly and Naomi asked what shade it was and Karen dug out hers and they compared it to his face and said it was close, but too pinkish, and so on....
Megan looked at him from across the table and made a face like it wasn't always fun or good. He understood, because it wasn't. But it was okay, too.
They all asked about his classes and he was afraid they were going to make fun of him for going back a year in so many, but instead they were excited that they'd be able to share their notes and tutor him and said he'd be promoted so fast it'd be a record.... It was good.
It was even the opposite of what he'd told Mrs. Dzyndra.
----
They left the lunchroom a few minutes early so they could do their makeup and stuff. It was normal until they all turned into the washroom across from the offices, pulling and pushing him along before he could think to object. Then he just watched. Megan kept her hand tight around his.
With all of them, they had about seven different colors, though Nayleen's was way too dark. Shelly's powder was closest, at least holding it up by his chin and comparing to the tube, and she said it worked really well, except on small spots.
"Wanna try it?" She grinned at him.
"Try?"
"See what it looks like, compared? You need fixing. Your concealer's almost run- worn off, and maybe my powder'll be better." She kept grinning, but it was more like she was trying not to smile than be mean.
He looked in the mirror and he looked like usual. Which was worse than before school. He looked back at Shelly and tried to look normal. "Okay, but I don't want to look like a..." He thought of a better word, "clown?"
Everyone giggled but him, and after he washed, Shelly dabbed the little pad all over his face, kinda pressing it in and explained that it was different than concealer because it changed the shininess a lot and so he had to cover more....
She dug out a brush and whisked at all the stuff she'd just put on, and then stood back. They all did, a few inches. Nobody really smiled, even Shelly. Not bad, but not right. He looked in the mirror. "I look weird."
"~Way~ too much." Karen said it and everyone agreed, and the first bell went but nobody moved. Shelly dug some tissues out of her bag and started dabbing really lightly, wiping his face all over, but less under his eyes. He could see a lot of the color came off on the tissues.
"More." someone said. She did all the dabbing again, more, a ~lot~ more around his neck and ears. He watched in the mirror.
Some other girls came in to use the washroom and stayed to watch, a few giggling and then stopping.
"There... whadda you think?" Shelly stood back. In the mirror he looked way more like usual. Maybe pale.
"It's hard to do his nose, or his cheeks, without making the shine... contrast, with the powder...." She sounded unsatisfied.
Karen dug in her purse and came up with another compact.
"Here, let me.... Does anyone have a big brush I can use?" She held up the tiny brush from the compact and made a face.
Naomi dug out a fat brush with a big, fluffy head that was bent and kind of squashed. "Don't wreck it." She grinned like it was a joke.
Karen put her compact on the counter and brushed the brush over it and then took the used tissues and brushed them, and then got Craig to stand still and brushed his cheeks, just a flick or two each. Then she pressed the tissues lightly into them and whisked again. "There!"
All the girls crowded close to look, even the new ones who were just standing back and watching, and almost all of them smiled and said yeah and that's perfect and stuff. Someone said "Kewl!"
Craig looked in the mirror, and aside from the fact that he looked like he hardly had pores, he looked pretty normal. He had to smile too. The second warning bell went and everyone moved. He thought he'd better say how he felt, quickly.
"Thanks!"
Shelly had a thousand-watt smile and Karen finished putting things right in her pack, and smiled back before she leaned down and pecked his lips with a kiss. "You're welcome. You look really pretty."
She slung her pack and took his arm and wrapped it under hers and led them all out, late, probably. Megan was giggling like an idiot.
At the door, the sight of the offices across the hall reminded Craig that his father was coming to get him. He paused and Karen and the rest stopped too. "I have to meet my dad here, I think now...."
"Do you need anything from your locker?" Megan suddenly looked upset. She knew how much little things out of order upset him sometimes.
Craig thought, his eyes wide. "I, um... better get my pack.... He's not here yet, I guess." He looked both ways.
Karen took his arm again. "Well, I'm heading that way for music, so lets go, beautiful!" She giggled along with the rest of them as they split into two groups and headed opposite directions to classes, after Megan hugged him a quick goodbye, even though she was going his way.
Naomi and Nayleen, and some of the ones he thought were from other years went with them down the hall. Megan squeezed his hand before she headed into her next class and kissed his cheek the way Karen had. "Good luck, 'kay?" He nodded.
"You're Craig, um... Danner? You're gonna be in our math class... with Mrs. Simcoe? Grade eight?" The skinny girl walking on the other side of Karen was looking at him.
He nodded. "I think, maybe...? Danver."
"Sorry." She smiled. "I'm Barb and this is Colleen and that's Angela." She pointed at the two other girls with her, who had to almost walk sideways so they could all fit in the corridor. They smiled and waved and said hi too. "We have a homework group and Miz Simcoe says, well, it really helps some of us...." She ran down for some reason.
"So, wanna join our group?" Colleen skipped ahead so she could talk. She had braces with blue highlights on them. "It's really fun and we switch houses and have weekend sessions with pizza 'nd stuff?"
"What's your grade so far?" Naomi sounded like an adult, but she grinned. Colleen grinned proudly back.
"The whole group is four-oh."
"Join 'em!" Naomi and Karen said together, and then everybody laughed.
The three girls from the study group all stopped outside a classroom and kind of waved goodbye. Angela touched her own cheek.
"And you look really nice like that, too." They turned into the room. "You really do. It suits you." She smiled goodbye.
Karen headed them out again and ignored the start-of-class bell that was almost deafening because they were right beside one. Naomi and Nayleen stayed on his left.
"It really does, you know. You look way better," Karen said when he could hear again, just as they reached his locker and stood around as he remembered his combination and got his pack.
"But isn't it weird, I mean.... That I have... makeup on?"
"Not in a girl's school." Nayleen smiled and pulled him for a quick kiss on the lips again before she hiked her bag again and stepped away. "I have to run, but you really look beautiful!" She turned and trotted down the empty hall.
Craig looked at Karen and Naomi as he closed his locker. They didn't look like they were in any hurry. "Aren't you missing class or something?"
Karen grinned and shouldered his pack over her purse strap. "Nope. Mrs. Warkington said we had to keep an eye on you for a while, us home roomies, and we are." She dropped the smile as a serious expression took over, then a sad one.
"They didn't tell us what happened, to you, officially, but there was the stuff in the news, about Central... and we figured it might've been you and...." Her expression hardened, looking at the floor, but she was back to sad when she looked up and watched his face. "It won't happen here, okay? We promise."
Naomi joined her, them, in a hug. She said it was for Karen, because she was a big suck. Karen nodded.
"I am. Ask anyone."
----
Mrs. Warkington gave the girls passes and they both kissed and hugged Craig goodbye again.
Diana looked at Craig all the while, wondering what possible explanation there could be for his having more makeup on than any of the girls usually wore. Even if it was fairly well-done. She decided not to mention it since he seemed oblivious. But he wasn't smiling either.
"Your father just called and said he's on his way." She sat on the old pew-like bench at the front of the office and Craig sat down a few seconds later, although as far over as he could.
"I think you've attended, what, two actual classes since you've been with us?" She smiled to make it a joke. He didn't see her smile since he ducked and covered at her mention of classes. She felt guilty at her use of humor that might be a criticism. She knew better.
She touched his shoulder. Some students responded well to social touching and Craig seemed to be one of those. "I'm sorry, dear. I meant that we've kept you busy, and out of class."
He didn't reply, but lifted his shoulders, and she tried to decipher the movement. Leave him alone? It's okay? Was he crying? He didn't move away from her hand at least. She needed to be sure.
"I made a mistake and made a joke and you didn't understand me... is that right?"
He kept his eyes down, almost turned away. But he shook his head.
"Craig." She waited until he looked up at her, a few seconds, and kept her voice quiet to give him some privacy. "Why are you so upset? You seemed so happy at lunch."
He closed his eyes and was still for a long moment, while she wondered if that was too personal, or too forward. Was the office too public? He took a small breath and looked at her hand, perhaps, but closed them again. He almost whispered.
"I have to see a l-l-lawyer an-n-n-nnd it m-m-might be the trial... the p-p-p-p... about the, the... k... kwe... kwe..."
"Questions?" She didn't understand. He nodded.
"About..." He swallowed and it seemed to hurt.
"She, she goes over... w-w-what I have to say... and... w-what they m-mmmmm-m-might ask mmmmm-m-m-ME!" He shuddered as he forced out the last word.
She understood.
----
Robert was ushered into the principal's office by a very formal, brisk woman who held the door and then closed it behind him. A different Mrs. Warkington than he remembered.
"Please have a seat, Mr. Danvers. I wanted to talk with you for a few minutes, if you have the time?"
He timed his sitting to follow her and indicated he had a little time. "Is Craig okay? I..."
"Yes, he's with our student counsellor right now, Miss Edwards, just down the hall." She changed tone. Colder.
"Mr. Danvers, your... child..."
-
Mrs. Warkington watched Craig's father's face harden into... violence.
----
While Craig talked on the phone in his parents' room, his sister paced.
"Please sit down, Lynda. You're making me nervous too." Her mother waved her over to the couch and pulled her down and turned to her husband.
"Rob, if she does this, what will happen? I... will anything else change, with the charges, or the trial? Why didn't she tell us about it before?"
Robert looked up from the papers he was reading for the second time. They were general, but reassuring.
"She said... mmm.... She said it was entirely up to us, and to Craig, if he wanted to ask to be protected from cross-examination, as a juvenile. And she'll support the petition to the court and it was a...." He sat up and looked at the stairs where his daughter was looking. Craig wasn't there.
"It'll change things. She said it could reduce the chance of a conviction, sometimes, it does in other states and it's relatively new here, for teenagers, and especially... because... the 'accused' is... young."
He made a tired gesture to the papers.
"It says here it shouldn't, itself, but it hasn't been allowed except with very young witnesses... younger than Craig, but she said video testimony didn't always convince a jury the same way a live witness would, even with the same testimony." He looked at them.
"I want him to do it. I... It's too hard. Even if it's less chance for a conviction."
He couldn't even identify all the emotions that were overwhelming him. Anger and relief and grief and... and he was very tired.
----
Megan had put Karen and Nayleen on as well after calling back, and even though he had to explain some of it again, they really helped.
"So you'd just talk into a camera, like read a statement or something," Nayleen asked?
"Um, no, not really...." Craig had to remember. "The judge... some judge, anyway... would be there, and the, the defense lawyers, but they, the lawyers wouldn't be allowed to ask anything the judge didn't say was okay, before.... It's complicated...."
"So the jury would just see the tape? The video? And you wouldn't have to go? To the trial?"
"Yeah. Mostly." He almost was silent, he spoke so softly. For the really bad parts, he wouldn't have to go. "Yeah."
----
Lynda pulled him closer than usual, harder, hugging like he was a teddy bear or something. He didn't say anything, so she just kept trying to feel good.
"You looked nice today. Your face."
"Thanks. Some of the girls fixed up the concealer after lunch."
"More than concealer...."
"Yeah. Some blush stuff, I think."
"It looked nice on you." She hugged harder for a second.
"Whose blazer was that?"
"I dunno. Mrs. Warkington loaned it to me from the office when I was cold."
"It looked nice, too. Hardly anyone wears them anymore." The school had dropped compulsory uniforms when she was a sophomore.
"It felt nice too. It's heavy."
"No it's not. You're just not used to jackets. You looked good in it."
"Thanks."
"I still have my old one, if you want it?"
"Could I?"
She kissed his hair. "Of course you can."
After a long silence, she whispered what she felt, trying not to cry again, hoping it was okay to say it.
"I'm so glad you're not going to have to... to testify... at the trial."
After a long silence, he answered, barely able to speak. Barely able to breathe.
"Me too."
----
Robert stood in the doorway and watched his two sleeping children. It was the first time Craig had fallen asleep by himself. Without Marg or him looking in.
Lynda had her arm wrapped under him, her face hidden in his hair. It looked uncomfortable for both of them.
She was an adult now, most ways. Almost finished college. Smarter than he ever was. But she was the one who couldn't sleep alone. Who needed to be hugged and touched all the time. Or she said so, anyway. He thought she was making excuses for Craig. That she would do anything for her brother, to keep....
His boy. Fifteen. Hurt more in his short life than he'd ever been in forty-five years. Raped. Raped.
Robert had to clench his hands to keep the tears away. He'd always feared it could happen to his little girl, worried through her every date, resented every boyfriend.
But it was a... a stupid bully, a thug not even... as old...
And... his little boy.
Who'd looked even younger today, and almost like Lynda. And so happy. So relieved at maybe not having to testify in court.
-
He kneeled quietly beside the bed so he wouldn't wake them, but he had to touch him, to be safe, at least here.
When he felt safe, he cried, quietly.
----
Margaret checked that they were all okay and then went to bed to wait for her husband.
Craig had looked so... feminine... with the makeup. But he looked like his sister, so it made sense. She still wondered if she should have asked him about it but had decided that it might embarrass him. Though he acted like he didn't even know he had it on, or how he looked. She'd ask Lynda. They'd probably already talked about it.
She knew Robert would need comforting. He got so worked up about things he couldn't help. He was the more emotional of the two of them, she thought for the thousandth time.
----
"The Assistant D.A.... Mrs. Quiring...."
He stopped and thought for a while while Margaret gently rubbed his shoulders, touched the muscles lightly, her hands seemingly magic, the way they affected him.
"Do you think it's alright... that that's safe?"
She waited, but thought she knew what he meant. Even with his changing the subject.
"How he looked?"
He nodded. She knew what he was thinking. He was worried about bullies, or people saying things about his boy wearing makeup. He wouldn't be worried at all about that, if people would leave him alone, if he could see a smile more often.
"He was already asleep...."
She smiled at his back and squeezed a little tighter where she knew it'd feel nice. He was saying the two were connected, or asking. Maybe all three things. She kissed him goodnight on his neck and to say yes.
"I think... even with Mrs. Quiring... he had a good day."
----
"I think you had way too much on yesterday, for school..." Lynda dabbed on the concealer again. "Even if you looked really nice...."
She had a weird thing of sticking the tip of her tongue out whenever she did something small. Craig grinned at how irritated she'd be if he mentioned it.
"But powder can do the same thing, a bit, so it was still... okay...." She used a tissue to push gently under his eyes where she'd put it on, a lot like Shelly had, but with her concealer. Then she took a big jar of powder and opened it and looked around in the drawer and found a brush.
"This'll be the same, but way lighter. You had pressed powder on...." She dipped the brush in the tub and then dabbed at his face and then told him to close his eyes and then dabbed even there and then whisked it off all over and looked. He did too. Pale, like before. Not pale, but odd... all....
"You had blush on yesterday, too."
He looked at her, away. "Some really light pink stuff?" She nodded.
"It was a perfect color for you. Lessee...." She dug around looking at some little square compacts and held one up to him. "Wait." She ran out and rumbled down the stairs.
He looked ok, like yesterday, but maybe too much... one color, maybe. It felt smooth. Like baby powder. And perfume.
"This might be right." Lynda returned with a round compact and held it up, the same way. "I think so."
She used the same big brush, and her tongue peeked out. She flicked the brush on her hand, and then a tissue, and then on his cheeks, like along them. Then she put some plain lip balm on him with her pinky. "Perr-fect!"
He looked in the mirror and it was. He looked normal, except no black eyes. But more normal than... than yesterday. He smiled at himself and her. "Thanks! It looks great!"
"No, ~you~ look great. And you're welcome. Here. Here's... my concealer, and this is the blush and Mom says you can have it, and you should carry it, but we'll have to find some pressed powder in that shade... I don't think they make this...." She looked at the bottom of the big jar, holding it over her head and craning her neck. "This stuff must be older than you are...."
He took the tube of concealer and the little green compact and opened it and there was a tiny brush that wasn't anything like the ones Karen or his sister had used. But he thought, hey, it's a brush.... He carefully closed it and checked to see if it leaked, or would open, and slid it in his jacket pocket.
"One more thing." Lynda grinned and picked up her hair brush. "You ~have~ to take better care of your hair."
She brushed it to get out the tangles, and to make it shiny, she told him, and it looked the same, but un-tangley and shiny. Much nicer. She'd have to get him to use her conditioner, it was getting long enough to need it.
"There." She smiled at him like she did lately when she felt like it would get better, and when it ~was~ getting better.
He grinned thanks at her. Like his biggest problem was his hair and she'd just solved it.
He looked so cute.
Maybe she'd email the university about re-enrolling next term.
----
"Ta-daaaa!" Lynda announced, and their mother smiled.
"Oh! That looks wonderful!" Margaret looked at his face, at the huge smile and rosy cheeks, and only after a second or two noticed the blazer, Lynda's old one, she realized. It was tailored, the way school fashion had demanded a few years ago, and presented a trim waist and the suggestion of a bust-line, and looked....
Craig was happy.
It looked wonderful.
Craig beamed at her praise, and obviously really liked the jacket. He kept touching it, smoothing a pocket flap, tugging the hem. And smiling.
He had makeup on again too, and a nice... blouse. Lynda was beaming at him, as proud as a sister could be.
Her eyes teared a little and she wished Robert could see them. One of those moments he treasured.
"Wait! I need a picture for your father! Don't move!" She ran to the front hall and found the little digital. By the time she returned Lynda and Craig were posing together, smiling and happy.
End of part two
The Class of Twenty-Twelve
---
Diana Warkington was going through a small mountain of bills with Carol when Craig Danvers and his best friend Megan O'Hearn came through the office doors. She felt a wave of nostalgia at the sight of them: near-identical outfits: school blazers, dark slacks, white blouses and smiles.
After everyone had ooh-ed and ahh-ed and reminisced about the old days (five years ago!), Diana said Megan could wear the borrowed blazer for the day and then directed Craig over to Donna Edwards for his revised class schedules and, she hoped, a little check-in on the emotional front.
-
"You look very nice today!"
Craig smiled widely. "My sister said I could have her old school jacket..." He blushed through his blush. "She said she loved having a uniform. Like it was fitting in or belonging just to put it on."
"Do you feel that way? Like it helps you belong?" She watched him look down at it, touch the school crest. When he sat straight again he'd lost his smile, but looked fine.
"Maybe... I think it does. But the girls, Karen and Naomi and Nayleen and them..?" He looked to see if she knew who and she nodded.
"I think... I already feel like they like me, I mean, and Megan's already my best friend...."
Donna watched him think, and noticed more of the details. It really was a blouse he had on, not a boy's shirt. She was also pretty sure he had full makeup on again. Not eye....
But he hadn't looked this way on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or in the meetings she'd had with his family in the last weeks. This was a very different-appearing Craig Danvers.
As she thought about that, she realized that he was also, aside from his new appearance, a happier boy than he had been, than she'd seen before.
Which led her back to a question that had to be asked, though now she expected a positive answer.
"I see the girls got you to try some makeup?"
He looked startled at that, like he thought maybe she hadn't noticed?
"Umm.... Karen said I, she said she could help my eyes, they were baggy, I mean, with dark circles? And she used concealer, and Lynda, my sister, she noticed and she tried hers and it worked better and then the girls tried to fix it the same and it was too much, they said...." He was back to blushing a bright red. Then he looked up worried.
"They're not in trouble, or anything, are they? I mean, it was just for fun and to make my eyes look less... look better? And Karen said the washroom, it was okay.... But I was, I coulda said no but it was just...." He ran down, and looked scared.
"Fun?"
He nodded. "Yeah. But they...."
He stopped, or had to think. She watched him soften as he thought, maybe for a word....
"Your friends?"
"Yeah." He smiled a tiny bit.
"'Nuff said, then." She winked at him.
He smiled all the way.
----
He was embarrassed to be late for homeroom again but Mr. J just smiled and waved him to his desk and the huge grins from all his friends and admiring comments about his blazer made it all okay. Megan leaned over and whispered she told him so and he smiled and nodded happily back before Mr. J a-hemmed and called her name.
"Just telling Craig you're the best, Mr. J!"
The groaning and kissing noises were loud. Craig's laughs were louder.
----
Mr. Johnston asked Craig to come see him at the last part of homeroom so they could go over his new classes and where they were and stuff.
When Craig had taken a seat beside him at the front desk, Mr. J smiled at him again. "You look like you're fitting in here better than half the girls. You look very nice, by the way."
Craig did his little ducking habit. "Thank you. It's my sister's stuff, I mean she gave it to me, but it was hers when she went, when she came here."
"Well, it suits you. You look very pretty."
He almost laughed at Craig's attempt to look nonchalant even while he turned bright red and smiled.
----
All the girls in his new math class seemed to stare at him when he finally found the room, a few minutes late, again. It was a really full class, like more desks than usual, he thought. And more girls.
He'd gotten lost in the old building, all short stairways and halls and odd room numbers, even after Mr. J's instructions. Barb and Colleen and Angela all waved and grinned at him.
Mrs. Simcoe was a woman about as old as his mother, or maybe older. She was at the blackboard with a girl who was writing out an equation from a paper.
"Craig?" She stared at him and sounded... well, not like a teacher.
"Yes, miss? Simcoe? Is this my class?" Then he thought that was brilliant.... He knew it was, from Barb and them. But she smiled a little and moved toward him with one arm out, like come here.
"Right the first try. I'm glad you found us." She smiled a bit wider at his face and then stepped close and spoke like it was a secret. "All the girls get lost their first day."
She escorted him to an empty desk at the front that looked like it was squeezed in extra, there were only two in the row, and introduced him to Candace and Nancy, who was the girl from the blackboard. Nancy sat behind Candace, who had the desk beside him.
"I'll start you out at the same level as the rest of the class, and Candace? Can you pull your desk over close to Craig's and help orient him? You can ask her about what we're doing, but keep it quiet, okay? And Nancy, you should be able to help him with his assignments too, okay?"
They both agreed, or nodded, and the three noisily pushed their desks around so Craig ended up between them in a three-desk line.
Once they were all seated, both girls whispered introductions, Candace first. "Hi! It's so cool you're in our class! I love your jacket, it looks great on you! Are you wearing makeup! My mom says I can't wear any to school at ~all~ and it's so unfair because practically everyone does..."
"You borrow more than anyone else wears and you do look nice, Craig. Hi, I'm Nancy, class geek." She grinned and Candy giggled.
Craig didn't know what to say, but he didn't get beyond "Hi" before Mrs. Simcoe sort of glared at them and then turned back to the work on the board. And Nancy leaned into his shoulder and pointed at the same problem in the book that Candy slid over to show him.
He smiled at Barb and Colleen too, the first chance he got. Angela was right at the back and he couldn't see her, sitting down.
----
When the bell went it was a race between the girls rushing to say hi and Mrs. Simcoe getting his attention and assigning him a text and some photocopied stuff that wasn't in the book. She won by being in charge, or older or something, and showed him what he had to do first. Then she kind of included Candace and Nancy.
"Most of the girls use study partners or homework groups, and Nancy and Candace are well ahead of the class level and I've asked them, so for now I'd like you to pair, join up with them if you can all arrange it, okay?" The two girls nodded enthusiastically and smiled at him.
Barb and Angela looked sad and Colleen looked like she was going to talk to Mrs. Simcoe.
----
"Diana?" Paul Johnston tapped on her open door with a finger tip. "Got a few minutes?"
"Of course." She motioned him in and he sat, putting a sheaf of papers on the remaining chair. She tried not to assume what it was about.
"Mm... I don't know how to start this." He looked out the door for some reason she again tried not to analyze.
"Did you see our young Mr. Danver this morning?" He looked back in time to see her smile start.
Diana Warkington had no problems with Craig's appearance. If it was a touch of color his homeroom teacher was seeing her for... well, it warrented a smile
"Yes. I see you have." He smiled back, but in an entirely different way.
"I told him he looked pretty, and I think he was happy I noticed." He watched her expression change as she heard him.
"Do you think he might be gay?" Diana sounded carefully neutral.
"I don't know, but I ~do~ think he might be transgendered."
Her face went several interesting directions.
----
Lunch was really busy for Craig as he tried to say hello to about a hundred new classmates and still see Karen and Meg and his homeroom friends. It turned out there was a kind of understood separation of the years, even though it also turned out, too, that Candace and Shelly were sisters.
But Candy and Nancy really wanted to sit with Craig at least for a while and Shelly made a funny big deal about finally letting them at the ~grown-up~ table and they pulled up chairs close on either side of Craig's, just like in class, and acted funny-cozy, making everyone else scrape their chairs and complain and whine.
Candy stage-whispered at Craig while she grinned at everyone. "So... what's it like having to hang around with old people? Did you know Shel needs Depends and already wears dentures? I hope I'm not so senile when ~I'm~ fifteen...."
"And this is my life...." Shelly looked like she was going to cry. Or try to.
----
Ten minutes before lunch ended, Karen talked to Mrs. Alder and got permission for all of them to go to the washroom. Again. It was crowded, but everyone wanted to see, or say.
Craig showed Karen the blush he had and she dug hers out and they looked and Lynda's was more orangey, or peachy, and everyone said it did look really natural like he had it on, Lynda's.... But they thought the pink might be better?
After trying both on his arm, everyone said they were really the same, on, or they worked as well, the same, which was weird, 'cause they were pretty different in the compacts.
He told them what his sister said about powder, or pressed powder and the other kind, and most of them said it sounded good, but none of them knew and only Karen had used it more than a few times and she said it was all the same, she'd always thought, but they all said there were TONS of colors of pressed and the liquid and stuff. And none of them thought they were experts, yet.
Megan said they'd have to go shopping.
----
Afternoon was new classes in history and civics and a visit with Mrs. Edwards in between. Every class was better than the last because more and more of the girls knew him, sometimes from just the class before, but the tiny waves and smiles were all he needed to not feel like a... like he used to.
The commotions after each class, introductions and offers for help and study and homework groups, and the different teachers all seeming to not care about the competition... it all felt wonderful.
-
After his last class, after everyone had said goodbye and that they'd see him tomorrow and headed home or to activities, he went to put his books away.
Just down the hall, just as he shut and locked his locker, he saw Saundra and another girl glancing at him and the chill as they whispered was almost....
He had to stop. He stopped.
He'd had a really good day. Almost every minute.
-
He didn't smile at them, because they were jerks, or at least Saundra was a jerk, especially about Nayleen. But he did smile as he walked away.
----
He hadn't seen a single person since Saundra. It was becoming spooky, like the whole back wing of the school was deserted. The big oak door of the auditorium, or theater or whatever, was almost black, it was so old.
The sign on the door said it was auditions, but there wasn't anyone there, outside, and it was quiet. He pushed slowly, and the door moved. The other door opened the other way.
It was really heavy. Mrs. Warkington had opened it before....
It was really, ~really~ dark, inside the doorway. After listening another minute, he pushed on it more, afraid it'd squeak or rattle, and a little shy about meeting the ancient Mrs. Higgins. He kept a foot in the brighter hallway.
There was no noise, but it was like he heard an echo. He almost stopped pushing, almost stepped back, his breath coming in gasps.
He could see down below, far away, and the stage was lit, barely enough to see it. He knew theaters were dark, if the lights were off. It was stupid. But it was really pitch dark.
He stepped in and took a moment to finally let go of the door. It took a few seconds to just make his hand let go. When it closed he jumped at the thunk and his pulse raced, fluttering, and he began to worry about getting enough air.
"Down here, darlings!" A woman's voice called out from down below.
It was ~really~ dark where he was. The crack under the door was light. He looked at the two lights, under the door, and down at the stage. His breathing came back a bit more normally, a panting, though he still could feel his heart.
He had to wait to see. There could've been anything around him.... He reached back and held on to the door handle with a grip that still wasn't enough. He wanted to go.
She knew he was here now, but she didn't know it was him. He could still leave. She wouldn't see, would she? See who he was? It was so dark....
He tried to breathe, to think. If he just went... if he could see....
It was light in the hall.
He looked back and began to see better. The empty stage was lit with regular lights, like reading lamps, so not very, and the front rows, a long way away, lines of seats.
Down. If there were steps, he couldn't see.... There was one bright light in about the third row, like another lamp, and a few people were there, faces and heads.
The whole room started to appear as his eyes adjusted. The theater, like Mrs. Warkington showed him, the same, when it was more lit up, then. But still too dark.
His heart almost hurt. He breathed as deep and as slowly as he could.
He could see his hands on the door handle, pale hands and blackness. Better vision. Adapting, he remembered....
This... she knew he was here, even that he was coming, Mr. J said.... He'd told Mr. J he would, today.
As the aisle became a little more visible, he slowly, carefully let go of the door, and when he didn't fall or... something... reached over and grabbed the seat nearest him.
Seat to seat, he slowly headed down the line of pitch dark between the rows, tiny steps and holding tight to every seat.
"Here for the auditions, I hope? Hurry down!" The lady's voice was from the lights in the seats for sure, and he saw faces turn towards him, bright and yellowish. The light made shadows and bright spots on them.
The older woman wasn't really ancient, from her voice, but the light was weird.
"You must be Craig?" She stood up and waved him in front of her as she sideways-walked out of the row into the aisle. "Let's see you."
It was like she was running at him. Too fast, too close, and she got darker as she left the light. A shadow. He had to hold onto the seat to keep from falling as he leaned back and away without thinking. She was loud. And stopped too close.
She looked him up and down, though he couldn't see her face in the dark. She twirled him with her finger. Moved her finger, her hand.
Finally, too late, after checking twice that he'd be able to find the chair again, he did. He could see the door.
He almost lost his balance, too, before he grabbed the same chair-back again, and then he saw her smile as he came around to face her. The dark shadows were ugly. Made her ugly.
"Mr. Johnston said you might be interested in our winter production." He could see her teeth, but not her eyes.
Maybe she was angry. Maybe... maybe 'cause he didn't answer. He had to answer.
"I'll bet you don't even know what play we're putting on, do you?" Her voice was... sarcastic. She was mad. At him, and it was....
She was too close and she didn't have any eyes.
He suddenly felt a cold spike of fear, more than the dark... he hadn't liked it, from the door.... He was too far and the steps, up, in the dark.
He shouldn't be even there... it was going to be too much just to catch up, and even if Mr. J said, maybe... he promised Mr. J... it was too dark and he had to see-
He didn't want to, to be in a play, or be there, or anything. He didn't want Mr. J to be mad. He had to say no.
"Mm-m-m-m-" He started to breathe faster. Way too fast.
She reached out a hand.
He took a step back, enough to reach the next row of seats, and swayed, and looked up the aisle. It was too dark. His fingers hurt.
Fear roared in his ears.
Even though it was darker facing away, even though it was worse not seeing where she was, he turned away and ran in the pitch black as fast as he could, staring at the tiny line of bright light under the doors, at the doors he could almost see, touching the seats, tripping on the steps, ashamed of the noises he was making, knowing she was behind him all the way, faster.
----
He waited by the front door, beside the stone steps, behind the bushes, afraid that any of the girls would see him as they left from last class and activities, afraid they'd hear him, see how he was.
The rain was lighter than before and not really getting on him, but it was cold, and the dark made it worse. He could even see his breath, maybe.
He knew he was making it worse. Lynda's jacket was getting wet from the leaves. He'd lost his books and bag somewhere, but was afraid to go back.
----
When Lynda pulled up he wanted to wait until there was nobody else out front, but then he got scared she'd leave without him and then Megan came out the door and he barely managed to wait until she'd run down the steps before he darted out of his hiding place and arrived at the same time she did. Just before. He opened the back door and jumped in, closing the door.
Megan had a moment of real hurt before she realized something had happened. Or what it meant. She opened the back door he'd shut and slid in, glancing at Lynda, who looked stricken.
Craig was against the far door, hunched below the windows, eyes closed and shaking.
He couldn't decide what to do. He wanted to get out the other side, to make Megan sit in the front. He wished he could've walked home, but he wasn't allowed, and it was still raining, and he couldn't, really. He wanted to be alone, but not here, not near the school. He wanted to cry and tell, and make....
He had to fight not to push, or hit, to keep alone any way he could. Not to hurt his best friend and sister.
He didn't want to talk to them. To anyone. Even if he'd have to, at home. He could tell them about the rest of the day, or that it was nothing, just school. His mom complained before when he'd said that... sometimes he did it... when he'd had to hide marks....
Lynda opened the door behind him just as the sobs racked his body, as more of the fear and pain and thoughts came. New fear and pain. Old fear and old pain.
----
Megan wanted to rage, shout, swear. Lynda sat with her and kept her voice down, down low enough that nobody upstairs would hear.
"Look, we don't know what happened, okay? It might've been nothing to do with school at all, or something really small that he just remembered, that connected some way. He does that sometimes, because he, he dissociated, he... his memory of some of the really bad... stuff... some of his memories are, are hard for him to... have, okay?" She pulled her closer and rocked her a little. "We don't know what it was, or if it was anything...."
She wanted to kill someone. Daniel Berry. Kyle Jefferies. Either one. Or one of their sick friends. Or the one who did this, whatever, today.
But she soothed Megan.
----
Margaret rubbed his back and made the little sounds that calmed her as much as her son. The little songs from when she was a baby.
----
Robert heard Lynda rush towards him as he opened the garage door, then saw her frantic gestures, quieting him. He didn't understand much after a minute or two of their whispered explanations, but he did know he was needed upstairs. And that he needed to be calm.
-
He carefully opened the door and looked in.
His boy was dressed in a huge t-shirt, one of his, he realized. Margaret was rubbing his back and looked up at him with red eyes. It was quiet and he could hear gentle breathing.
The sleep sounds loosened something in his chest, from agony to pain. Margaret whispering that he wasn't injured eased the pain a little more.
----
Craig woke around seven. His father was there, reading, or holding a book, looking at him. Just that he was, with that stupid little light that hardly worked....
-
When he'd calmed down enough to whisper clearly, whisper so he wouldn't stutter, he tried to explain. About how scared he was, how it felt like everything good that'd happened was coming apart, or that it was just so bad... like her voice was like... a kick... or he remembered a kick.... Or Saundra's look that wasn't bad and then was, after, when he'd been so afraid she'd see him... or that they'd laugh at his stutter and the dark and if she touched him and it all got worse and worse so fast after such a fun day....
What Dan had said, after... if he told... and he did tell, and it might happen and it'd be his fault because he told, and if it did- how he had sounded....
"Nobody will ~ever~ do that to you, ever."
His dad's voice was strange and Craig got afraid, except for the hug, all around him, as strong as he was.
"I will ~never~ let that happen, okay?" His daddy squeezed him as safe as he could.
"I love you, forever and no matter what, and nobody will ever change that, nobody. No one is mean enough or strong enough to ~ever~ change that I love you, and your mom loves you and Lynda loves you, and Megan loves you too, okay?"
----
It took a long, long hour of reassurance and love, but Craig started to believe again. And could talk again.
Everyone came in then, and they all talked. After they talked, Craig and Lynda went to bed early, and to sleep, late. Their father stayed with them even later.
Megan went home with Mrs. Danvers and they talked with her parents about what happened. Megan slept with the lights on.
----
"Stutterer?" Mr. Johnston looked up from his paper about the same time Ms Edwards and Mrs. Simcoe did. Gwen Higgins repeated herself.
"Yes, a stutterer. He stuttered badly and was terrified, I think to even be there and I wish you had mentioned that.... I try to find parts and places for all the girls who want to try, but he certainly isn't suited for performance."
"He hasn't stuttered before, that I've noticed." Paul looked worried.
"Perhaps when he's nervous? It's pretty common, and he was ~very~ nervous."
"No, he's... he's certainly been nervous a few times this week and he's not stuttered at all."
"Excuse me, Gwen," Donna Edwards stepped closer, her coffee forgotten. "I couldn't help overhearing. Did Craig stutter the whole time you spoke to him?"
She looked concerned, and Gwen picked up on it. "Yes... well, he arrived just a few minutes into the period, the first girl... the first to arrive, and he only spoke a few words, but he stuttered heavily and ran out. I never even got his name out of him. Why? Is there something wrong?" She lifted a hand.
"He ran out of the auditorium, like a bad case of stage fright... he didn't even say excuse me or goodbye." She began to sound frightened too, more as she spoke.
"Gwen, this is quite important." Donna looked serious. All of the staff paused in their early morning tasks.
"Was Craig scared when he first arrived? More than normal, for most girls? Was he hurt, or dirty?"
----
The phone rang as Robert was about to pick it up. "Hello?"
"Mr. Danvers? This is Diana Warkington at Balantines. Ms Edwards is here with me, Craig's guidance counselor, and we believe something might have happened to scare your child yesterday, at the end of school, we don't know what. But he might have left the school in a panic. Did he get home safely?"
Her tone was odd, not like the woman he'd talked to so often. He knew enough, and didn't blame her, but she was still the one in charge.
"He did, and he was scared. Do you know what frightened him?" He realized his tone was accusatory, angry, but he couldn't find a good reason to be very friendly just then.
"Oh, thank god...." He heard her relay the news, he's safe at least, to someone else. Then she was back on the phone.
"I'm sorry.... This morning, one of our staff commented that he had stuttered and I knew he did that when he was scared, but she didn't, or he hasn't, and he left her in a hurry... it was an audition, and she thought it was stage fright, and it was the last period of the day."
She stopped. Again, Robert was aware of how different she sounded. He let go of much of his anger. She wasn't the one. He knew that. And she and Craig... they didn't contradict...
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Warkington. I was angry at the school and it's not your fault." He took a breath. "Can I come in this morning? We want him to stay home today, if that's okay? He's very... still upset."
----
"The assault, the sexual assault..." He stopped and thought.
"The boys who raped him did it in a change room, a building off the football field, and it was very dark. Craig is afraid of the dark, since then. Sometimes. He won't say that, but he is."
It was very quiet in the bright, little office, though the sounds of the school outside were ringing and alive. Robert unclenched his hands but kept his gaze lowered. Mrs. Warkington stayed silent.
"The boys who did it threatened him, with worse things, if he told, or..." He took a breath, wondered if it was relevant.
"He still can't remember all of it, but I, we... the psychiatrist thinks sometimes it's memories of what they said, of the threats. And if the theater was dark..."
----
"Craig Danvers won't be in today as he's feeling a little under the weather." Paul tried not to mirror the expression on Megan O'Hearn's face as he made the casual announcement at the start of home room.
He felt like he'd failed, somehow, as so many of the girls suddenly looked sad... or scared.
----
"Honey?" His mom knocked on his door and then peeked in. Lynda hugged his shoulders harder and then they both sat up. He knew it was time.
----
Mrs. Warkington and Ms Edwards and a lady who was probably Mrs. Higgins. He stiffened, but knew it wasn't really her.
They all stood up and he did more than stiffen, but Lynda and his mom were there and he knew they weren't, that Mrs. Higgins wasn't the one... or she was, but she wasn't really.
He felt like he was shrinking, sagging, as the craziness happened again. He knew he couldn't talk. Wouldn't even try. Better a stupid baby than the stuttering again. If he just turned away, away to the right, away from Lynda and away.... But then she'd-
Lynda wrapped her arms around him and stood so he was alone with her and he leaned into her.
She whispered, "You don't have to, if you don't want, okay? And if you do you don't have to talk or anything.... I'll talk, okay?"
She was so quiet they couldn't have heard. She knew, and he trusted her almost more than anyone. He nodded, he didn't know to what, but okay. She kept whispering and the words didn't matter, just that she was there.
-
Donna Edwards watched Craig and his sister and mother. He seemed... a different boy than just the day before. So fragile, barely able to communicate.
She knew Lynda well: her records showed a confident, brash student, one of the leaders of her class. Donna had met her during the negotiations to bring Craig to Balantine's. She didn't know her this way, however, like a mother lion with her baby, her hostile glances at the three of them before she turned to Craig.
His mother seemed... calm. She was perhaps the emotional rock of the family. She cared, deeply, but she was the planner. Practical. It would be hard.
She looked again at Mr. Danvers. A big man, a plumber, a plumbing contractor, she remembered. He was, of all of them, the nurturer, the emotional barometer of the family. The most like Craig, in a way. He was the one who... who'd come to the meetings as Craig's representative. Always worried about his boy's feelings.
And Craig wasn't any different than any other girl, person, who had been sexually abused for a long time. Because the abuse, the bullying, had been sexual. And the final assault was... so recent. The one that had been discovered, that couldn't be hidden. He was doing really well, really... especially if he was transgendered.
-
Diana Warkington wanted to join in the hug, or the close, quiet conversation between Craig and Lynda, but she knew better. Even their mother stood a few inches apart. And Mr. Danvers needed her, more than his children did.
-
Gwen Higgins felt shivering cold.... a sick, weak sensation that went with the full realization that she had hurt one of her children, even if by accident. She should have known, even if she couldn't....
----
The rush of girls at the end of home room was split between Paul and Megan. Only four students seemed completely uninterested in what was wrong with Craig Danvers, and Paul noted them, and their varied expressions.
Then he told them what he could. The girls who were Craig's friends.
----
End of part three
---
By lunch, Karen had sketched and folded a card that the other girls said was perfect, already, and she didn't need to change a thing, and they all signed it, even if she thought it still needed more work.
Colleen said it was beautiful. She looked at it a long time, at the curving lines that somehow matched her feelings.
It made Karen feel proud, then guilty, watching her, looking at her art.
----
By lunch, Craig was talking on his own, still whispering, but talking in more than single words and feeling a lot better. After lunch he met with his shrink again.
----
By the time school was out he was home and Lynda was curled up with him on the sofa under two layers of comforter and a pile of pillows and stuffed animals, watching a truly dumb reality show. She was watching, anyway. He was dozing, warm for the first time all day. Emotionally warm.
The doorbell chimed and Margaret opened it after a shoulder check on the kids, who both looked okay.
Megan was there, looking serious, not her usual smile or excitement, and there were eight... ten girls with her. They all looked serious.
"Hi, Miz Danvers. We, um, we... these are my friends, Craig's friends, and they're all from the school, from Craig's homeroom and... I guess his math and english classes, and this's Karen and she made a card for him we all signed...."
A tall girl, very pretty, Margaret noticed, shuffled at the sound of her name. They all looked upset.
It was blowing and cold outside, and with that thought she noticed several cars at the curb, waiting parents, maybe. She gave them a quick smile.
"Okay, girls, wait just a moment and I'll check to see if he can see you? Just a moment, okay?" They all nodded. She smiled at Megan and softly closed the door. Then she crossed to the sofa and sat lightly on the coffee table.
"Some of your classmates are here to give you a card. Is it okay if they come in? You look fine and, Lynda, you too." She noticed the look in her older daughter's eyes as she considered the quilts, all that could be seen, except their heads. "They know you've been off sick today."
Lynda turned to Craig, a leaning of her head, and they had one of those little glance-conversations they used to have all the time, and were just a little closer for a second, as if that were possible.
"Okay, Mom." Lynda spoke for both of them. Craig's eyes had... it was like he'd spoken too. Margaret nodded and smiled, and went to the door.
"Alright, girls, come on in... please take off your shoes?" It was still damp from the rain.
They trooped in, a little vortex of boots, shoes, bending and coats, and then all stood, facing the sofa.
Megan had kicked off her boots and hurried into the living room before everyone else to sit beside Craig and put her hand on the quilt. She leaned close and whispered.
"I didn't say anything, it's just a sick day, okay?"
Lynda moved at the same time Craig blinked and whispered a thank you. Megan knew what his speaking meant and her eyes sparkled.
Everyone else came over and Megan named them all for Lynda and Mrs. Danvers, and Karen and Nayleen said they sorta remembered Lynda from their first year when she was a senior. Lynda grinned and said she never paid attention to freshies and they grinned back and it broke the ice.
After Nayleen nudged her, Karen waved a paper at waist level.
"I made this, sort of a get well and welcome card and... we hope you're feeling better? We all signed it...."
She held out a folded sheet of parchment, or rough paper, and when Craig opened it there was a smaller, fine sheet with an ink drawing of a rosebud. It looked like it was painted, or drawn with a brush. He looked up.
"You made this?" His eyes were wide and he whispered. Karen nodded.
"Look inside... in the bigger paper." Nayleen motioned opening it.
He unfolded the rough paper and there were dozens of names and little notes and drawings, like hearts and curly flowers and a fancy star. A Hello Kitty.
"We just wanted to get you something, tell you we hope you feel better and we missed you and Karen is a really great artist... and... made this...."
He looked up and Nayleen had tears on her cheeks. "And we wanted you to know... we, that we...." she started breathing too hard and closed her eyes and Karen and Naomi took her arms. Craig looked down and hid.
"They prolly know what happened, before, and it's okay with them." Lynda whispered it really quietly, but they could've heard her. He ducked further, looking at the card again, the picture. It was really beautiful.
Lynda moved or something, and he looked up again, at Karen and Nayleen. And Naomi and Candy and... and everyone.
"Thank you, it's really beautiful, and... thank you...." He looked at them all as he hoarse-whispered.
Nayleen nodded at the floor and the rest moved and nodded and smiled and Karen smiled really big at him.
"You're welcome. Now you have to come back Monday and be the prettiest new student in class and show up the freshies, okay?"
Everyone nodded, even the freshies, and he did too, trying to hide his burning cheeks by looking closely at the card again.
"Okay...."
After a second's awkward silence, Lynda shoulder-shoved him over into Megan.
"Okay?! Is that the way we raised you!" Lynda barely got it out around a laugh. "Now be gracious and properly introduce everyone!"
After a second she spazzed and laughed anyway.
----
"Hey! Craig ~is~ a freshie!" Candy yelled.
----
It was only a few minutes visit for some of them since Karen, Colleen, Angela, Nancy and Barb all had to go home with their parents and rides, but Naomi, Nayleen, Megan, Candy and Shelly said they could stay a while after Lynda volunteered to drive them and they'd cleared it with their parents.
-
Before she left, Karen hugged him so hard it hurt and he grunted and Shelly laughed. "Neanderthal!"
Karen grunted. "Ugh! Him ready, all soft and squishy!" Then she squeezed him again, gently and whispered, "I'll call tonight, okay?"
He whispered ok and thanks for the card.
----
When they were settled, Lynda shucked one of the comforters off to the side and sat up a bit more, settling Craig into her side.
"So, you hang out with this bunch? I don't know if they meet my approval...."
"Lynda!" their mom play-scolded from the kitchen.
"Well, Mom, they look like tramps! Craig looks like a proper Balantines' girl and they all look like extras on some street scene, maybe a comedy...."
"Hey, I had a blazer too!" Megan pointed at Craig's school blazer, or at the front hall closet. Or the door. Maybe east. "Yesterday, anyway."
"Borrowed beauty and rented class...." Lynda rolled her eyes and waved her free hand dramatically and everyone groaned or laughed.
"And hand-me-downs?" Margaret laughed from the kitchen.
"Oh, mother! Older sisters passing down the culture, the trappings of the hallowed halls of academe... that's not hand-me-down! That's tradition!" Lynda kissed Craig on the ear and then whispered. "That's my hug, all day long."
Craig teared up and hid, and all the girls did awww.
-
They told them what happened, or what went wrong the day before and that Mrs. Higgins and the rest had come over, and it wasn't anyone's fault. Nayleen needed more comforting than anyone, even Craig.
-
After a while, after it was more about things like who was nice and stories about his classes and who they all knew, Nayleen made Megan switch with her and she took Craig's arm, and just sat, listening to everyone.
After a much longer while, she whispered that she wanted to talk to him, alone, if she could?
Lynda gave him a little question and she saw an answer before he even thought, but she pulled the last quilt off and he quickly pulled his dad's t-shirt down more, then got up with Nayleen.
----
They sat on his bed yoga-style, knees touching. She looked down and then reached over to take his hands. Then she just sat, looking down, twisting his hands a little.
"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, whispered, but felt like he shoulda been even more quiet.
She stopped moving. After a few seconds she took a breath.
"I don't want to... to hurt you," she looked up in his eyes. "I mean, I really like you and you're sweet, I mean... I don't...."
She looked down more, then at him.
"Just stop me if I'm being stupid and please, please, I don't mean anything bad, okay? Really?" She looked all over his face.
He nodded a little. He still felt safe with her. She stared at their hands and took a deep breath. And talked at their hands.
"My aunt, my... she used to be my uncle, she's transsexual... she's my aunt now, and it's great, but she was...."
His hands tightened in hers. After a long time, seconds, she looked up and he was wide-eyed, his mouth open.
"I mean, I was just, I hang out, visit with her sometimes and we, she has friends, like her, and we joke around and shop and stuff...." She was almost crying, trying to find the right words, not hurt him, and still make sense.
"And it's like, the neat thing is how some of them, some of her friends are just starting, just coming out and not really changed, and when we joke around or talk or whatever...." She pulled his hands a tiny bit closer.
"They're girls, or... women, and even if they look, some of them, look like boys...."
They both sat quietly. Differently, but quietly. Nayleen looked up at last. He was crying. She bounced her legs free and pulled him over, holding her.
----
Lynda was sort of mad and sorta normal. But loud... and scary, somehow....
Her mother interrupted whatever she was going to say next.
"That's enough, Lynda. Alright, what were you two doing in here that brought on all these tears?" She didn't seem too upset either, even if she sounded serious.
Nayleen cringed even though she didn't really feel like it was bad. Even if almost everybody did, about....
"Mom!" Lynda had Craig and was mostly making sure he was warm or something, pulling up the blanket from off the side of the bed. Mrs. Danvers looked at her like she didn't need attitude.
Nayleen knew the look. She figured she'd better explain quickly. "It's just... it's, I noticed, or... I saw some stuff I...."
She didn't have any real reason, and still might have just scared him, or insulted him, but she hadn't. Even if his sister thought he had to not... not ~think~, or something!
Her Aunt Sarah said if she'd only had the chance earlier it would have been the best thing in her life. They all did, even the young ones. They all talked about 'what if I could've done this when I was little?' And Craig had a chance. .So she had to ask. Had to
She asked Mrs. Danvers if they could talk in the hall. She touched Craig's arm before she left, and smiled. He looked scared, but after a second, nodded and then hid. She nodded too, even if he couldn't see.
In the hall she hugged herself, hoping she wasn't gonna start an argument or something. And talking with Craig had put it all together, so she looked up and dove in, speaking quietly so her friends downstairs wouldn't hear. And maybe Lynda and Craig.
"I have an aunt who's transsexual, who used to be my uncle, and I know a lot of her friends, who're like her." She watched to see, and Mrs. Danvers wasn't mad. At all. She was more interested. But she still hurried.
"And I think Craig might be... be like them. Someone like them." She still felt like it was a bad thing to say about someone, even if it wasn't.
"It's not bad or anything, just different, and my aunt says the worst thing is to not find out earlier, or if... they all say that...."
"It's alright, dear." Mrs. Danvers put her hand on her tightly held arms. "We've thought of that, and talk about it with his counselor, and for now we're just letting him find his way, okay?"
Nayleen didn't understand. "Find...?"
"His psychiatrist says it might be too much, the trial and all that he has to deal with, if he is transgendered, but it's not bad, or a secret. Understand?"
Nayleen looked at her and tried to think. "So the makeup and... and his blouse?"
"If he wants to try things like that, it's okay." She smiled. "By the way, he really liked what you all did with the makeup, if you want to show him how to do it himself."
"He did? He said that? I mean, I didn't, Karen did mostly, but he did?"
"Yes, though he won't admit it, he did. He was very happy with the way he looked." She smiled broadly at Nayleen. "You girls have been good friends to him. Thank you."
----
Robert let himself in from the garage door.
All the girls arrayed around the living room, mostly on the sofa, looked nervous, or guilty. Except Megan. She grinned at him and waved hi.
"Everyone, this is Craig's father. Mr. Danvers, this is everyone from school: Naomi, Nayleen, Megan, Candace and Shelly." She ticked off as she pointed around the gang. "Craig and Lyn and Miz D are upstairs. Family conference." She grinned again.
Robert looked at the red eyes some of the girls sported, and the pile of blankets. And Megan. She wouldn't be chipper if it were bad.
He smiled at the rest. These were the girls Craig was so happy with as his friends.
"You're Craig's classmates?" He stepped into the room after draping his jacket over the stair railing. "It's good to meet you."
----
Craig and Lynda and their mom came down the stairs together. Craig had found some pajama pants.
Nayleen stood up and then sat down, not really knowing what to say or do, different than the others. Or different from before. That Craig had hardly said anything. Or that Mrs. Danvers said he was finding his way. So maybe nothing was different, but at least... well, he was okay. And they seemed like, like it was all normal. She wanted to talk with her aunt.
Mrs. Danvers went over to sit with Mr. Danvers in the big armchairs. He was nice, she thought, and a lot like Craig.
Craig sat between Megan and Candace and then Lynda mashed Candy out of the way by just sitting down where she was and making her and Craig scooch apart. But she smiled at her or something, and Candy just laughed. Nayleen smiled, too. Watching them made it normal....
Then, when she was settled, Lynda looked around at all the girtls, serious.
"Okay. Craig has issues around dark places, so no fooling with that. And no teasing, no sarcasm, no dirty tricks and ~no~ jokes about his older sister... and we'll all get along." She pulled Craig even closer in a one-armed hug and pointed at him. "Craig." She pointed at herself. "Older sister."
Naomi sat forward and looked confused. "Sooo... no teasing or sarcasm or stuff... about Craig?"
Lynda scowled like it wasn't ~that~ complicated.
Naomi nodded, all serious. Then she addressed Craig. "Did you know your sister talks about herself in the third person?"
"Hey! Sitting right here! And she ~heard~ that!" Lynda growled. Naomi broke up.
-
Nayleen ~really~ wanted to talk to her aunt....
----
Robert sat on the bedside, his hand unmoving on Craig's back. He compared his hand to Lynda's: how much larger his was, blunt, hairy... a man's hand.
He thought about Craig's hands, hidden under the sheets.
He thought about smiling faces, and tears.
He thought about the picture Marg had shown him.
----
His tone of voice changed a little, and Margaret turned her attention up a notch.
"I know Dr. Lebel said we should let him find his own way and not ask questions, and the trial and all... but that girl..."
"Nayleen?" She figured out what he was going to say.
"Yeah. You said, what her aunt said, says, and how he's...." He had to think of a way to put everything in one idea. Margaret waited.
"He's like me, like John. Like all the men in my family. He's starting late but he's gonna grow maybe six inches this year or next, put on about 20 pounds of muscle, and be shaving in six months."
"And? What are ~you~ thinking?"
Robert smiled a little sideways at her. "Do you ask me that to find out what I think or just to make me say them?"
Margaret laughed a little, "Oh, a little of both... but tell me."
Her husband rolled over to face her all the way and propped his head up on a hand.
"I'm thinking that maybe we should all talk about things now instead of waiting to see what Craig discovers on his own." He blinked to another page.
"With the video testimony and how that's going to be better for him, I think the... that a lot of his stress might be from gender stuff too, especially with school." He looked in her eyes, left, right.
"And I'm thinking you already knew that and were waiting to see when ~I~ was gonna figure it out...."
Margaret laughed a note.
Robert smiled back at the love of his life.
"I want to give him time to find out what he wants. ~And~ I think if it's safe like those articles say, we should talk with him about those hormones that can give him time."
Margaret rolled over to snuggle against the love of ~her~ life.
"Have I ever told you how incredibly sexy I find smart men?"
----
----
Instead of just stopping at the curb, Lynda parked the car, and as her brother clambered out she asked him to wait up for her. Though the rain had stopped, the wind seemed to have picked up and her hair swirled into her face as she came around. When he looked the question of why she was coming too, she just took his hand.
"I need to go see Mizz Warkington about something." Holding her hair out of her eyes with her other hand, she looked him over and brushed a speck off his, her old blazer. "Alumna business... you wouldn't understand." Her hair blew apart, again.
She could tell he was just about to ask what 'alumna' meant when Nayleen shouted at him from the doors where she and Karen were hiding from the drips that still fell just there, where they'd catch everyone.
"C'mon, Cee! We've got time before homeroom if you hurry!" They waved like he couldn't see them, and he waved back, giving his sister a quick apology smile and hug goodbye.
Lynda laughed as he ran, the wind picking up his skirt.
~Her~ skirt. She had to keep remembering that....
Hand-me-downs or not, all-day hugs or not, they were hers now.
----
The End