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Gender dysphoria and suicide……..

Yesterday I read a story posted here by Emma Anne Tate, For Us, the Living. Like all of her work, as well as the work of many others on this site, it had me crying. But more importantly, it had me reflecting on my life, my family, and the lives of others.

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Wrabel - The Village, new MTF version

I always loved Wrabel’s The Village. Even though it was written from a FTM viewpoint, I could still identify with the pain, and the freedom when he finally goes ahead despite his families pushes.

Now Wrabel has recorded a MTF version, would love a new video, but that may be too much to ask.

Anyway here it is with some subtle changes for MTF transition.

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I Can't Be The Only One

During the night, I slept for a while semi-seated on the couch (a "skill" I inherited from my father).

I had a bit of an idea for my next story, but only that.

But after trying to fall back asleep again in the same position, I didn't quite get there. What did happen, though, was the ending part of the story decided that was the perfect time to announce itself in my brain.

I had to turn the lamp back down, grab a pen and paper and write it down -- the plot points, a few lines of dialogue -- so I'd have it down and not forget it.

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small victories

So, about a week and a half ago, mom and I switched internet providers, and then after the technician had done the set-up, we realized he had forgotten to set up my mom's computer.

This led to me spending the better part of 2 days trying to get help to set things up by phone.

But today, I asked someone at a store belonging to the provider, and he showed me what I needed to do - there was a password on the bottom of the tower I needed to put in.

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My Thoughts on Some Story Entries

Jo, Emma, and I love to write. We love to have our stories read and appreciated.

A primary goal of the current contest is to spur more people to read more stories. With that in mind, I've prepared remarks about fifteen stories entered in this contest. Eventually, I will post remarks about every story entered. Emma will be posting similar lists.

Please give these stories a chance.

Finding Joy

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A day without contest stories?

Well, we had a bit of a lull yesterday. Can’t have that!

The contest has drawn over sixty wonderful stories, and we’ve had new authors as well as stories from some of BC’s most beloved. But some of you haven’t jumped in yet. :(

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Sometimes it just goes like that.

Y'know, I was gonna put out a story for the current contest.

I've been working hard on it, and had every intent of entering it!

Except that I'm currently 9,250 words into what's supposed to be a 5,000 word story, writing on the fifth chapter of what's supposed to be a one-part-complete affair, with one chapter left to go after this 'un.

Funny how that happens, ain't it?

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Transgender is NOT a One Size fits All

Professionals, politicians, most everyone wants to make transgender a yes or no situation. Either one is or one isn't . There are only perfect males and perfect females in so many minds as they refuse to accept the birth defects or problems in life. Intersex divides the only male and female ideology. One can not be made transgender if they aren't nor can't they be made not transgender if they are. There is no medical science that can treat it and "cure" it.

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In a recent blog

In a recent blog I posted a picture of a sign that turned up next to the restroom signs proclaiming that restrooms were open to use by gender variant people. Just now, I was delivered a document (electronically) a document that contains their nondiscrimination notice, quoted below.

Nondiscrimination Notice

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What's Wrong?

Why are readers so mean in giving kudos? I'm not talking about comments, which actually require engagement and effort, but those little things which need just a push of a button. Even excellent stories like Jenny Walker's.

What's so hard about letting an author know you appreciated the effort they put into entertaining you?

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One Month Left to Enter

There’s about a month left to enter a story in the current writing contest. The more-than-expected number of stories have sparkled with quality. Of the sixty-one stories, I scored fifteen in the excellent category. There’s plenty of great reading to be had here.

To date, the contest has generated:

Stories: 61

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What happened to last week's Bike?

I was about to start writing this weeks and need to read the previous episode to maintain continuity and lo and behold it's no longer on the front page although other stories posted before or on Saturday are, no wonder my hit numbers are low these days. Is it worth it when I could be doing something like cleaning up after the flood in my lab?

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Dreams Collide With Existence

Years ago, about 20 of them, I had what I called lucid dreams in which I was flying, and could control where I went. Psychological people said that I was trying to escape something. My then spouse got really mad at me when I told her about them. Now, I see that I was trying to escape from her abuse of me. We were married 38 years because I kept trying to make it work. In the latter years she was a "dry alcoholic", refusing to go to AA.

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why would I apologize for crying ?

So among my nightmares and flashbacks over the last couple of days, I had a dream where I was sitting with a woman, and for whatever reason my abuse came up, and I started crying.

But as I started crying I also began to apologise for losing it like that.

Now this was just a dream, but the fact is I usually apologise if I start crying, regardless of the cause of my tears.

I am not exactly sure why, it might be the "boys don't cry" thing, but something tells me its something deeper.

I might have to do a deep dive into my memories to find out, which scares me.

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bad news, and PTSD

Well, bad news about the apartment search. we had to cancel the walkthrough because of a blizzard, and since then, despite me phoning the man who was supposed to lead us through the place several times, he has not let us know if we can reschedule.

I've come to the conclusion he got a renter for it, and isn't bothering to even tell us.

If that wasn't enough fun, the last two days I have been dealing with nasty memories, flashbacks, and nightmares related to the abuse I suffered as a kid.

Hugs and prayers appreciated.

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Comments

Joanne’s Take

Comments are oxygen to authors, lifeblood. They show that somebody has read their story and cared enough to respond with some encouragement, or not, as the case may be, but at least appreciated the effort that went into posting.

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A Warning

I've not seen hardly any stories here that have Butt Plugs in them, and I think for good reason. After my own very short term experimentation with one and the accompanying medical intestinal issues, from my point of view, they are dangerous and should not be done, even as a way to induce a prostate sexual stimulation full stop.

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Bio for Jo Dora Webster



Mini-Bio for
Jo Dora Webster, pen name of Ariel Montine Strickland



I'm an auburn haired, blue eyed, southern belle hailing from the great city of Denver, CO USA. While I feel like a forty something that may be me trying to will time to stand still. In all truth, I'm glad that it doesn't since I kept my millennium resolution to transition as a transwoman on my original rebirthday July 6, 2000.

I can trace my heritage to lowland Scotland and Ireland but I'm an American. I enjoy passing my time reading the latest romance, comedy or mystery from http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf (BCTS) and getting outside for a weekend camping with my SCA friends emulating a lady of the nobility in a world where chivalry is alive and well. I also enjoy my time as a Starfleet International member where I hold the fictional rank of Captain.

I've been around BCTS for more than seventeen years. What I think of as my first real story was 'What Would Jesus Do?' that I published under the name 'Jesus and the Transwoman' on a Christian website which was just getting started then and has since disappeared called Faithvine. However, I also twenty-eight years ago put one story, 'Beauty and the Vial' out on Usenet and it made its way to BCTS unknowingly since I wrote it under another pen name. At present, I've completed nine novels all initially under my pen name, Jo Dora Webster. I also have three short stories written under the pen name Jo Dora Webster.

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The Beekeeper and The Devil's Bountyhunter

Has anybody seen the teasers for a miniseries being plugged on cable, on HBO, called the Beekeeper? He's an off-the-books agent that steps in when corrupt politicians and businesspeople are escaping paying for their actions. He is under no control by anybody. He goes by the title The Beekeeper.

Does that sound like anybody we've read about here on BC? Like Jack Bounty, for instance? Sounds really damn close.

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Where have I been?

As the title suggests, this is about what has been going on since I last posted anything or even interacted with anyone on here. I think my last blog was over a year old and my last story was like two years ago at least. I guess to paint a deeper picture on how I ended up where I am now I need to go back to when the Covid Pandemic started.

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New meaning of TG

I've been doing some preparatory work/ study for some surveys I'm doing and also some teaching I'm doing next week. As you probably know I have an interest in freshwater macroinvertebrates (Mayfly larvae etc) and I came across TG being used in a dictionary of entomology - it stood for tracheal gills. There will be more of those than transgender people, so should obviously spring to the ordinary person's mind (or what passes for one). I knew you'd be glad to read that.

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An Aussie Girl

My name is Joanne Askew
I am an Aussie girl
A glass of wine with you sir
And the ladies I will swirl
All New South Wales and Queensland
Is measured up by my own hand
It was my fate from birth
To make my mark upon the earth

Apologies to Mark Knopfler for mangling his beautiful
“Sailing To Philadelphia”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtxuWycNgfo

And apologies to Andrea Lena for giving me the idea which I have stolen.

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Latent Homosexual ???

It's been years coming but lately I seem to subconsciously be on the prowl for a man to plow me. Would I do blow jobs? Come to think of it... Does that mean I was always a latent homosexual, or have the hormones finally done their job on me. My only worry now is that I do not wind up with some sort of sexually transmitted disease. Questions, questions.

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Great Start for Contest

By the end of today, the blog announcing the New Year’s Resolution Writing Contest will have received over three thousand hits. That level of activity has resulted in thirty-seven new stories published on BC.

We don’t have comparative statistics, but it appears the level of comment activity is up.

A new author is among those who have posted a story entry.

Given that the contest opened for submissions less than a week ago -- we’re pleased with the initial results.

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we had a fire at our building

so about 2 AM this morning, a fire alarm went off in our building. at first, we didn't take it seriously, as we get false alarms all the time.

but when 3 firetrucks, an ambulance, and a fire chief showed up, plus when we started smelling smoke, we realized this time it was the real deal.

Now neither my mother or I can climb down 14 floors, and the elevators were turned off, so we had no choice to wait and hope for the best.

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A bar and two funerals - The backstory behind my story 'Kissing Cousins'

I know this post is a self-indulgent, and I hope any readers will forgive the impertinence. Inspiration can come from anywhere and I feel confident saying my latest story, 'Kissing Cousins', has a weirder origin than most posted on this site. It is also an apology of sorts, but you'll have to read to the end to understand.

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Missing

Two authors whose stories I’ve been following — one an old BC hand, and one new — seem to have vanished in the last couple months after posting industriously. I hate to see good stories unfinished, naturally, but I am more worried about the authors. I don’t know if it’s considered poor form to ask, but does anyone know whether either Domoviye or Ms. Woolly are safe?

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Opinions Welcome (Needed)

In a previous life (BC) I was an executive recruiter for over 35 years. I actually got into the business by accident when as a struggling CPA, I spoke to a recruiter to help me find a new position. Instead, he suggested working along side him at a place called Source Finance. It turned it to be a job and industry that suited my skills to a T.

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Brianna Ghey, Teenage Trans Girl

Ms Chambers pointed me to the murder of this beautiful girl. As usual, i had to research it. I strongly suggest everyone read this from beginning to end even if one doesn't live in England. There is a whole lot of what is right and a lot of what is wrong with everyday aspects and the legals involved for transgender.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Brianna_Ghey
Knowledge is strength. Understanding comes from knowledge. Thank you Gillian

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A Simple Request

I seem to have lost my editor due to a conflict of interest. Would anyone be interested in giving a contest story (or three) of mine a review? They won't be ready for about a week as I am busy reading the current avalanche of entries. Perhaps if you would be willing, you could drop me a DM with your email? Thank you in advance. :DD TAF

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Contest Clarification and Update

Hi everyone! We’ve received several story submissions outside the contest’s 2,500 — 5,000-word limits. We recognize that different word-processing programs use unique word-counting rules. If you are wildly off, we’ll send you a PM and ask you to adjust your story to meet the contest parameters. Thanks!

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Yet Another Milestone

A story of mine has finally reached 200 kudos! And it was not the story I would have expected, possibly a year ago. My top three stories have inched up kudo by kudo, but "The Bridge" (third place at one time) began inching up a little faster than the others.

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Too Explicit For Here?

So far, my rough drafts usually get edited out, falling to the rock crusher of propriety until what remains is vanilla work suitable for all ages.
Lately I've roughed out some work that is BDSM, and very explicit, but I do not want to get rid of it. There is another site, that I will leave unnamed that I must have joined over a decade ago, perhaps before this site. Much to my surprise, when I looked into the site tonight with a view of possibly joining, I discovered that I was already a member under a different user name than here.

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the level of talent being displayed by the writers here

the level of talent being displayed by the writers here, especially the entries for the New Year's contest, is absolutely amazing. Every story (except mine) has been a home run in terms of writing.

I guess I should be glad I'm better known for my comments than my stories, because I am not in the same league as some of you people!

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resolution story

I have written a new years resolution story but it stubbornly refused to be TG. Every time I tried to lead it there it returned to the main plot. I'll probably post it anyway after a bit of proofreading and editing. Tomorrow, without the glow of the new years eve whisky, it may just go in the recycle bin.

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Women's Crossdressing OK, Men's NOT !!!

Preaching to the choir here... Women in western culture can basically wear anything that is not too revealing. On the other hand men who wear women's clothes, it's not good.

I really like stockings and garter belts (Suspender belts in the UK), and I have several variations of them. Anytime I wear them it must be in secret or heavily concealed.

THIS PISSES ME OFF !!!

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"Transitioning" with in laws

Well, I just noticed that my mother-in-law blew my phone up while she was drunk last night. If you knew her that's nothing out of the ordinary especially with the meds she's on. It seemed like every message was coming at me for being transgender. It started with a half dozen missed calls then immediately went to the topic of her daughter marrying a transman. She said I was wrong for saying I'm transgender and that it'd be easier to say I was transitioning. Being honest, I'm not someone who found it necessary to get hormones or surgery.

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To whom much is given, much will be Required

While I was fishing this afternoon. This bible verse popped into my head. "To whom much is given, much will be required." For a moment I felt like I'd been struck with a piece of iron. Allow me to explain, I have been given much this year, and I'm afraid I've done very little to return it. I've been blessed with the firm mentorship of two of the most brillent writers I've ever known, Emma Anne Tate, and Joanne Barbarella, and I'm sure there dozens more waiting to be discovered here on this forum.

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Contest Update: Go, Go, Go!!!

It’s New Year’s Day somewhere (specifically, where Joanne lives), and the contest is now officially open for entries!

There’s an official tag for contest entries. The fourth drop-down menu under “Add a Story” is labeled “contests.” Scroll down and click on “2024-01 January - New Year’s Resolution Story Contest.”

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Judge Joanne

Now that I have been Press-Ganged by Emma and Jill into making the ultimate comment on Comments, it's probably reasonable to give you all some very rough hints as to how I will go about it. The two kind ladies have given me total discretion and I will try to use it benevolently.

The first criterion is that a comment MUST relate to a competition entry. That should be obvious.

It doesn't matter if the story to which it relates is not one of the winners. I am judging the comment, not the story.

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Conflicted

I'm semi-retired and drive school bus. That means I'm right there with the school kids counting down the days till the breaks, like Christmas break. Then when it's here I relish the wonderful feeling of freedom that it gives.

Yet this Christmas, the call went out for a contest and being the masochist that I am I decided to enter. The length limit meant the the story was quickly knocked out. I've been sitting on this completed story for a few weeks now. Long enough to let it settle so I'm confident that self-editing will catch all the errors (well at least most).

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For what are we without love…….

“If I have all the eloquence of men or of angels, but speak without love, I am simply a gong booming or a cymbal clashing. If I have the gift of prophecy, understanding all the mysteries there are, and knowing everything, and if I have faith in all its fullness, to move mountains, but without love, then I am nothing at all. If I give away all that I possess, piece by piece, and if I even let them take my body to burn it, but I am without love, it will do me no good whatever.

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The New Year Competition.

I have an entry written, peer reviewed, all ready to go.

Now do I publish day 1 and hope no one betters it, or revises theirs to compete, do I wait for the end and hope to trump the others, or slide it out in the middle, hoping to impress the judges but go under the other entrants radar....

Decisions decisions....

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Kids Kamp

Don't know why, but my thoughts recently have been on the Kids Kamp universe of stories. I know they go back a ways. If I recall correctly, some of the authors were:

Holly H Hart
Maggie the Kitten
Shalimar

Who were some of the other authors?

Does anyone remember what the first few stories in this series were? Who was the original author?

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Contest Update: Judging Emma

Somehow, in a fit of enthusiasm punctuated by lots of exclamation points, I volunteered to be a judge for our 2024 New Year’s Writing Contest, even though this site alone is full of better and more accomplished writers. You know what they say about fools rushing in. Choirs of angels are undoubtedly waving cheerfully from their LazyBoy recliners and calling out, like Jamie Lee Curtis, “Make good choices!”

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spent my Boxing day getting mugged by a dog

So I spent today getting mugged by a dog.

His name is Rocky, and he belongs to my aunt.

He's the kind of dog who basically has the doggie equivalent to hyperactivity.

He mugged me, my mom, my other aunt who was with us, and then started over with me.

He's famous in his neighborhood, to the point a couple of kids came over to play with him.

Do I need to even need to say I had a lot of fun today?

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Last Night

I watched Love Actually on Netflix. Yes I'd seen it before but it's back at No.8 in the top10 Australian shows, and my memories of it were a bit fuzzy. It is, after all, 20 years old.

What a lovely movie it is, fantastic cast, heartwarming stuff for the season, and some good songs in the soundtrack. Also some poignancy for me, like Alan Rickman, who died fairly recently, playing one of his rare nice roles.

Well worth another watch.

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Don't Respond

Sunday evening I received an email with all my personal, private, and financial data listed on it. A security breach at one of the health hospitals let them copy everything about me and a million others. They offered to sell the list back to me before they placed it on the darkweb for sale.

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Heaven or not……….

I was sitting on the couch in my living room this evening, just catching up on my e-Mail from the last several days, while my wife watched TV. We had been watching the news, and when it went off the show ET came on. It was a special broadcast about Celine Dion, so she left it there even though she usually doesn’t watch that show.

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Back again

Well, I'm back again because I just couldn't stay away. I've been taking writing more seriously lately and kept thinking back to this place. It's the only place I really ever felt comfortable or at home. Whenever I try to talk to other writers online it's like talking to a brick wall, but here it's always been different. I appreciate each and every one of you and I look forward to making some new friends as well as getting back in touch with some old ones.

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Writing Contest -- My Approach to Judging

Judging fiction is subjective. . .based on personal feelings and opinions.

I have helped judge several Big Closet contests in the past. In those instances, I picked the top three or five stories.

For the current writing contest (entries to commence 1/1), I’ve been asked to assign a number between one and one hundred for each story. Emma Anne Tate will also assign a number between one and one hundred. We will not consult or know what each other has assigned for a “score.” The total of our scores will be the score for the story. Highest score wins.

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