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A stranger is happy at meeting you. He wants to give you a hug. How do you honestly feel about this?
It's kind of nice.
I would feel a little put off by it, frankly.
I like to hug. It's a warm feeling.
It might be OK.
That would be a little weird for me.
What exactly is this question supposed to prove anyway? For me it's utterly biased against me because I LIKE to hug people, but I have serious personal boundary issues because of a couple of incidents in my past, especially with men. Probably the best one was the computer repair guy...
I was about 20 at the time, and had been letting my hair grow for about 2 1/2 years now. I hadn't slipped into the deep depression/denial of my feelings of wanting to be female yet, but I hadn't really thought about them, still trying to make college work and stuff. Oh, and this was before the incident with the Sheriff's Deputy telling my dad "Your daughter said I could find you here" too, for those that have heard that story :-)
ANYway! The sound card on my gaming desktop went out, and I needed to get it repaired. I could only find one local repairman at the time. The day I went to pick it up was the first time I actually met the guy. He was about 6'3", 300lb with a beer belly and gin on his breath at 8am.
As he was telling me what he had to do to my computer, and how much it would cost me, he kept trying to get close to me, and at one point he hugged me. All I wanted at that point was to get my computer and get the hell out of there.
I never went back to him for anything again either. That's not to say I don't like all men, or that I'm against a friendly hug even with a stranger, but the circumstances have to be "right" for me to be comfortable with the situation.
This is also why I don't recommend anyone use these tests to "self-diagnose", even if like me, you can't get a good therapist, but that's a topic for another day. :-)
Hugs
...personal body space is just that...personal. There's no right or wrong regarding it other than what makes us feel comfortable or uncomfortable. The whole idea of COGIATI is great at first glance, but the questions, no matter how hard they try to make them objective, simply are subjective. As the entry in wikipedia puts it:
The COGIATI test should never be considered as a 'self-diagnosis' tool for transsexuality - it works on a number of stereotyped behaviours, cultural and social conditions, and does not employ the depth of detail required to make a fully reliable assessment of such issues. A specialist psychiatrist should always be considered to assist in assessing gender dysphoria conditions.
The key there being stereotyped behaviors, cultural, and social conditions, at least from my perspective.
And gin on one's breath at 8 in the morning seems a very good reason to avoid a hug, wouldn't you say?
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
*giggle* Yeah.
I guess it's because I'm writing a particularly dark chapter right now that it just sort of brought back old memories for me of things I should have let go of years ago :-)
Gin on one's breath at that hour, and a computer technician, I do wonder in retrospect, how that computer didn't catch fire after I plugged it in :-P
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Oh, and by way of a horribly hugely indulgent...
...bit of self-indulgent promotion, this is for all you folks out there that enjoy annoying rock bands and semi-objective and somewhat helpful personality inventory tests,
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18652/we-just-learned
Hey, what can I say, they're family!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
The first time I dropped acid
I was 16, and just barely keeping my cool from being at a party with a bunch of my big sister's friends I didn't know while hallucinating heavily, when this old drunken guy grabbed me, said something I didn't catch and kissed me gently on the lips. I ordinarily have boundry issues, and they'd been put into overdrive by the disorientation, uncertainty over what of the things I was experiencing were or weren't real, not to mention how seriously closeted I was back then; and so suddenly I was the cat from the Pepe LePew cartoons, up on the ceiling with my claws dug into the plaster! People thought my panic was a riot. And his spending most of the rest of the party apologizing---all slurred and repeating himself---was an even bigger downer. Until he toppled and fell through the glass coffee table. Those were the days. (Just glad I was on acid and not drunk at the time, with my inhibitions and good sense, my Godgiven paranoia all out the window, or I might've dragged him into the service porch and impaled myself on him...). I guess there was no point to this anecdote (and I'd better go into my grabbed-and-kissed-by-the-very-masculine-dyke story, though it was an interestingly transgender experience...), but hey, I'm brain damaged.
But yeah, I have trouble with the question choices in tests like COGIATI, how so many of the answers depend on contexts and stuff their wording doesn't allow for. I took it once, was happy with my "probably ts" score, but it's real value as a diagnostic tool might be the fact that we choose to take it at all, and wonder how we'll score (usually hoping to be rated ALL GIRL), something I don't see cisgendered folk lining up to do.
~~hugs, Veronica
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
Gin
I would say that gin on someone's breath at any time would be a good reason to avoid a hug.
The COGIATI is a bit of joke, as are most tests of that type. Almost all of them end up having some sort of question about sexual attraction, which has nothing to do with gender orientation.
Woman To Woman Hugging
The key to your COGIATI question is that no gender is specified. In western culture, no guys would ever hug the first time they met. In some Middle Eastern cultures, it would be almost obligiatory. Assuming that one of the premises of the test is that you are female. If both people are women, it is still not likely they would hug on meeting, however after a period of conversational bonding, when they part, they might perhaps, as long as the conversation went well and they agreed with each other.
Also, the Cog.... test is not real, and I would question the credentals of anyone who gave it to you if they claimed to be a counselor.
K
Gender
"He wants to ..."
Michelle
Your Hugging May Vary
Actually, even across Europe the customs vary, and custom is really all it is. In the UK, you wouldn't get two strangers hugging, men or women. Unless they were family out to some unspecified relationship, then all bets are off.
On mainland Europe, hugging may happen between 'acquaintances' according to context. You might not hug someone you work with, at work, but you might do if you meet them at a restaurant, for example. People seem to get more body-friendly the closer you get to the Mediterranean as well.
Penny
Got it in one
There is a strong cultural component in all this. I grew up in a pretty much a traditional Chinese household and culture and once you get beyond a certain age, you do not hug or touch much unless you are say taking a picture and you are grouped together somehow. The concept what is feminine is biased too so I betcha I will not score as highly feminine on the cogiati.
Kim
Depends on the stranger
And the reason for the hug. For example if a cute girl has a 'Free Hugs' sign on her during some holiday, I will definitely enjoy it.
Faraway
P.S. It actually happened. :)
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
*ponders*
I wonder what kind of clientele a "Will hug for food" sign would get? On second thought, I'd better stick to writing... ;-)
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Cogiati
Yes, I agree it is not to be taken seriously unless in my case it finally helped me to deal with issues I would hide. To me that is its value. But really only you can answer who you are. It just helped me to look at myself and realize I was not alone.
Warning: This post may not be entirely serious...
The hug question and the one about meeting someone who was polite but a little distant always made me laugh. If I can fall back on a not entirely untrue stereotype for a moment, I'm English which means that everyone is polite but a little distant! ;-) And a total stranger hugging me would be considered uncomfortable and prolly impolite. And if they tried to hug my sister I wouldn't discount the chance of them walking away with a limp.
Oh wait, those are good questions because I'm a girl and therefore I love total strangers hugging me and I'm so emotionally atuned to the world and it's inhabitants that I'm actually an empath, y'know like totally like that woman in Star Trek. Ooooo...pink fluffy bunnies and stuff...
Whether it was meant to be or not, I've never taken the Cogiati seriously. That's not to say that the overall answers are right or wrong about male / female brain I just think it needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I've always believed that you are the only person who knows who and what you are. All my gender psych really did was validate what I knew to be true and dispense the magic pills, etc.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Before I transitioned, I had
Before I transitioned, I had serious body boundary issues. I was afraid I might reveal my self in some unknown way. Hugging might be done between relatives that I had not seen for awhile, a kiss on the cheek for female relatives along with it (unless it might mess up their makeup) and "hearty" manly hugs for male cousins and grandparents.
Strangers? Huh-uh. Nope, verbotten. Especially male. Women acquaintences, maybe if THEY intiated it when departing.
Now, things have changed a bit, but it is still very dependent on situation and how I feel about the person, and I still have trouble breeching others boundaries when I am not sure of them. Relatives, well, I don't see many of those anymore. There is one cousin that always is ready with a hug, and it feels good. There is my sister and my mother. My other cousins? well, 4 work for James Dobson's Focus on Family in various capacities. I don't see them. Another has always been a one armed hugger, but is kinda fragile, so no hearty hugs, just gentle. A lot of the other cousins are deceased, so there isn't much hugging there!!! And I am more of a toucher and pat on the back or shoulder person for many.
Where friends are concerned, females, yes; males, not usually but several F2Ms I know well are major exceptions. There is the connection of shared past there. An instructor, who happens to be gay, is another exception. He's a real comfortable teddy bear! :=)
Strangers? get out of here, especially males.
Boundry issues continue, but the circle of female friends that meet or leave with a hug is larger.
Cogiati, it was interesting when I first saw it, but the questions forced one into boxes, and often were not realistic to my life. I was, of course, preop and pre RLT, well pre most everything when I found it. I used to play with it, and it was hard to not get a desired result if you were aware enough.
CaroL
CaroL
James Dobson
I really wish he could behave as more of a Christian, but I guess dumb bigots have needs, too. As a Christian, I resent him presenting himself as one of us. Same with that Westboro Baptist church. Not Christian at all. They are just publicity seeking idiots who really never read the Bible. How hard is it to treat other's as we would wish we were treated ourselves? Are they doing that? No, they spread ignorance and bigotry, perverting the Word for their own purposes. Trust me, those are not the lessons about Christ that I recieved, and I learned about Christianity at an Alabama Baptist Church! No one who teaches hate or advocates discrimination is any kind of a Christian!
Wren
Okay, two things...
One, I've always wanted to take the COGIATI test. I've taken the BEM(?) Sex Role Inventory test, that was cool.
Secondly, I'm rather like Zoe. I truly LIKE hugs-once I know someone. With some people...I'm shy. I'm just beginning to come out to people, and with my size, I can be a bit scary, so tend to be Verrrry Careful. I really don't want to offend or scare anyone, but a 6'3", 400 lb. former bouncer can be a bit intimidating!
Wren
Cogiati
It can be done two ways, either honestly or as a response to the fact that 'stereotype' is written right through it like a stick of rock. and the 'appropriate' answers are obvious. I get the same result either way, so hah boo, I know who I am.
I haven't driven a car in years, so of course I can't park. Always was crap at it. I can use maps, though, and am numerate to Engineering Degree level. Doesn't make me a bloke.
As already said here, I am the best person to say who I am.
Your absolutely right!
I just like to take tests! And I always take them honestly, even the stereotyped kind that ignorant people dream up so they don't have to think...
Wren
Quick question on cogiati
Zoe, that man was a cad! Me, I have lady friends at Church, but I respect their personnel space,
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine