Bathroom Limerick

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What was the best Bathroom limerick that you have read in a public restroom?
and I dare you to post it!

Originals

erin's picture

I don't think I've ever seen a TG bathroom limerick, so I wrote one. :)

A lass down old Austin way,
Seemed to have lost her way.
When seen in the gents,
She made no defense
But just pissed in the usual way.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Macarena

"She did it in the halls
She did it in the stalls
She did it with her teacher
Who glimpsed a unique feature
He'd seen her hairy balls!"

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

Limp Limericks

When Leonard went dining en femme,
He practiced a deal of aplomb.
Kept his tool well bent,
Skipped the door marked gents,
And did his deeds in the ladies' nice john.

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Doo, da, doot, doo, doo, doo, doot, da doo!

erin's picture

On a long trek to East Wisconsin
Debbie felt a pain in her johnson.
But it wasn't her gaff
Put a twist in her staff
But the dose she'd caught from Ole Yonson.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Deedle, eee, dee, dee, dee, deedle ee, dee!

There once was a Farsi named Honi
Who traded her lingam for a yoni,
Said her sister, just ten
If you could do it again
You ought to have held out for a pony.

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Doodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-oodle-oot, da, doo!

erin's picture

Said a surgeon from old Abilene
To the virgin cheerleading queen,
I know you can pass
But let me at your ass
I'll build you the prettiest cunny you've seen!

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I can't believe we're doing this...

There once was a lad with a banjo
Whose girlfriend ran off with a Dobro.
...

:evilgrin:

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Evil is as evil does

erin's picture

...
"He's all right in bed
But the problem" she said,
...

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Doctor Demento!

What? You don't want to cook tonight?

Boot to the head!

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Glad to see...

... another Bruce Phillips fan here. I've known him (and suffered through his bad puns) since 1971.

Amelia

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

Thanks for the link

erin's picture

I bookmarked him!

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Moose turd pie

I thought Jim Croce did that? It's in my best of Jim Croce LP.

Konichiwa

It's an old story.

Bruce Phillips recorded Moose Turd Pie on his album, "Good Though" in 1970. Around that same time, I also heard Down East storyteller Marshall Dodge (of "Burt and I" fame) tell a Maine version based at a logging camp. Jim Croce was a folkie long before he became popular, and who knows where he first learned the story. I'm sure he knew Bruce from the Philadelphia Folk Festival. It doesn't really matter who learned it from whom - it probably came originally from some teller of tall tales sitting on the porch of a country store. A good story, well told, has its own legs, and will find new tellers as needed.

Amelia

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

Out strategized!

...
"Is he insists on wearing my trousseau!"

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

My Turn :)

erin's picture

Down on Third St. In old Long Beach
A TV dancer with a bottom like a peach
Said "I know it sounds trite
But at the end of the nite
....

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Too easy

"What I really want to do is teach."

Makes you think, don't it? :grin:

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Wait! You cheated!

It's my turn! :razzafrazzin:

An old hippie who wasn't too clean
Had a rage 'gainst a Castro Street queen
...

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

You've got the rhythm but mine are dirtier :)

erin's picture

...
He followed her to Hashbury
Just to give'er a razzberry,
But she only said, "Mary, don't make a scene."

Here's an oldie:

A transvestite in old Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
But they quarreled all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with which and to whom.

Another of mine:

Once Jennifer was a dentist named Bill,
But one day he took a strange pill
It might have been magic
It disappeared Bill's dick
Now Jenny's got a cavity to fill.

:)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

The once was a man ... but that's another story

Erin, Donna,

are there any clean limerics?

I think that's a question like, what is the sound of one hand clapping?

John in Wauwatosa

P. S. I defy you to use Wauwatosa, Oconomowoc and Weyawega in limericks

John in Wauwatosa

A challenge!

Poor John in Wauwatosa
He had a new story to post. Ah!
But the server was down,
Cause? Limericks unbound.
Well! His breakfast awaits in the toaster.

Jamie

Too clean...

erin's picture

...for a proper limerick, Jamie. Fun though. :)

A car accident in Californiay
Caused Mike's dick to be torn away
The surgeon said "Messy"
And built a nice pussy
Now she's a star in porniay.

Donna, where did you learn the dueling limerick game?

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

North Hollywood, where else?

And yikes? Some of those were really filthy. Living in NH is a real education.

A t-girl in North Hollywood
Thought she might try do some good
By showing cars her ass
From the Ventura Overpass
But alas, the lass was misunderstood.

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Chalenge II

And, Erin, what's wrong with clean limericks anyway?

John wanted to be some less surly
To have hair a little more curly
He took a walk
In Oconomowoc
And his pace is now much more girly

I don't have anything for Weyawega.

Jamie

Weyawega

In Weyawega, Wisconsin
People always looked down on sin
Till a local TS lass
With a curvy, cute ass
Showed the way a wedgie brought thongs in

;-)

Amelia

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas

Weyauwega too...

A lady from Weyauwega
Wanted to show her gardenia.
She had an encounter,
With one who would mount her,
Now he’s just gynoecia.

Spring is almost here. Flowers will bloom...

;}
Jamie

Could be worse

Nice effort folks.

Thank god I didn't suggest Johnsonville, Gays Mills, or --shudder-- Sheboygan.

No!!!!!!!

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Johnsonville, Gays Mills and Sheboygan

Okay...

In trying to be cute and witty and respond to John's "Could be worse" post I came up with:

In Sheboygan the boys are more civil
Than those who live in Johnsonville,
But those in Gays Mills
Can now pay their bills
As now they are all pretty filles.

And I was kind of proud of it. Yeah, "daughters" may or may not work but...

Wanting to check my 35(plus)-year old high school French and make sure "filles" did really rhyme with ville and civil, I stumbled upon worldlingo.com, pasted the whole limerick and, translated to French, got:

Dans Sheboygan les garçons sont plus civils
que ceux qui habitent dans Johnsonville,
Mais ceux dans des moulins de homosexuals
peuvent maintenant payer leurs factures car
maintenant elles sont toutes de jolis filles

Well!

It almost seems right but, obviously "Gays Mills" didn't quite come out as expected. So I pasted it back in and translated from French to English and revealed:

In Sheboygan the boys are civil
that those which live in Johnsonville,
But those in mills of homosexuals
can now pay their invoices bus
now they are very of pretty girls.

Yeah, well, the rhyme got lost in translation but, I'm kind of intrigued as to what a "mill of homosexual" might be, to say nothing of an "invoices bus". And, at least they are still pretty girls.

So, John, not sure if it works. But it was fun.

Jamie

Funny french

erin's picture

One of the few other languages in which limericks are often written, French works so well with the rhythm. :)

Cute limerick. :)

One time In the land of Cest la Vie
They called the king Her Majestie
He never wore pants
On the Ile de France
You could look it up, it's history!

Hugs and smiles,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

There once was a John from

There once was a John from Wauwatosa

who got himself a severe dosa

Turns out the she was a he

Now it hurts taking a pee

For playing where he wasn't supposed ta

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

There once was a lad from

There once was a lad from Oconomowoc

who wanted to get rid of his cock

Now he's got a vagina

They don't come any fina

And he owes it all to his doc

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

There once was frat boy from

There once was frat boy from Weyawega

Who was hard-wired with improper data

His equipment was wrong

So he cut off his schlong

Now she's the sweetheart of Chi Alpha Omega

Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site

Visit my Amazon Page: D R Jehs

Canadian, eh?

Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

A guy found a whore to get onto,
but wasn't quite sure he would want to,
when a search for a quim,
found a dick upon him,
whom he'd thought was a girl from Toronto.

There was a young trans' from Vancouver,
who worked days fitting slats in a louver,
but she was out every night,
with her lips red and bright,
sucking penises dry like a hoover.

Why is it the trans from Regina
was such a big suck and a whine'a?
The answer you see;
there's no local MD,
who'd surgic'ly implant a vagina.

French canadians are all small and correc'
even their dicks are too small too inspec'.
Makes it hard, at a glance,
to tell a girl or a trans
from a regular guy in Quebec.

When the belts have to tighten; come in a peg.
It's either welfare the slums or begin ta beg.
Hope, who struggles with joy,
who's really transexual boy,
wishes you health, peace and love from Winnipeg

with love,

Hope

Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Here goes...

laika's picture

I never should have stumbled onto these.
Here goes:

A Jewish convert from Sheboygen
took measures to pass for a goy again
when the whole thing snapped back
it created this gap
And now this boy, oy, she's a hoyden...

Thank you John Valby

These are all adaptations from John Valby... AKA, Dr. Dirty's "Ya Ya".

There once was a girl from Irac
Who had holes down the length of her cock.
When she got an erection,
She would play a selection,
From Johan Sebastian Bach.

Ey ya, ya ya,
Your mother goes down for Egyptians.
So sing me another verse,
Worse then the other verse,
Then pull me around by my willy.

There once was a girl of sort,
Who dated a man who was short.
He got naked in the bed,
She showed him her's, pointed and said,
"Mine is a prick, that's a wort."

Ey Yea, yea yea,
Your Brother fucks butterball turkeys.
So sing me another verse
Worse then the other verse,
Then pull me around by my willy.

There once was a girl named Jan.
Who had three feet of cock in her hand.
She said to her tart,
How's this for a start?
My balls are still out in the van.

Ey ya, ya ya
Your sister gave a rash to the donkey.
So sing me another verse,
Worse then the other verse,
Then pull me aound by my willy.

There once was a girl from Bombay,
Who molded a cunt out of clay.
The heat of her prick,
Turned that clay into brick,
And chaffed all her foreskin away.

Ey ya, ya ya
Your sister needed a twat fence to keep out the Mexicans.
So sing me another verse,
Worse then the other verse,
Then pull me around by my willy.

Do you want to hear the dirty ones now? *listens for cheers*

There once was a whore named Morene,
Who's cock wasn't kept very clean.
The semen driped out,
Of her smelly old spout,
Which she scraped up and ate with salteens.

Ey ya, ya ya,
Disco freaks suck mirror balls.
So sing me another verse,
Worse then the other verse,
then pull me around by my willy.

There once was a woman named Dot.
Who inserted a fly in her cock.
When you'd tickle her nutz
That fucker would buzz,
Till she glued his wings tight with a shot.

Ey yea, yea yea,
If you like that, you're a sick mother fucker.
Now sing me another verse,
Worse then the other verse,
Then dance on my balls till I'm silly.