Pippa and I walked back to her office, Tom wasn’t there, we assumed he’d gone for lunch with his friend–the slimeball. I asked Pippa to let me know when he was back and if he had a few minutes to talk with me. I didn’t really want to talk about this at home.

I wandered back to my lab, and Neal and Gloria were having a cuppa, so I joined them, it always tastes better out of a chipped and cracked mug–I don’t think, but they did offer. I had loads of mugs at home in Bristol, I’d bring some down next time I went.

We hadn’t quite finished the last cage when the phone rang. Gloria answered it–it was Tom, he had five minutes. I made apologies to Neal and ran off to Tom’s office.

“Go straight in, he’s expecting you, although I’m not sure about the make up.”

“What makeup? I’m not wearing any.”

“Oh, it could be dirt–and you a licensed dormouse handler, should be ashamed of yourself.”

“My apologies, I’ll kill you on the way back, don’t move.” I knocked and entered the inner sanctum, thankfully, Tom was on his own.

“So, have you made your mind up?”

“Yes and no.”

“That sounds typical you.”

“Thanks father figure, I really needed that.”

He sniggered, “Come on what’s it going to be?”

“I promised Des, we’d make the dormouse film. I have all his tapes of the dormice and I know we have to do my narration and a few bits and pieces of me in the field. That shouldn’t be too bad. After that it’s up to the editor and continuity, that sort of stuff. I own the copyright to the film, so I should be able to produce the film I want.”

“What makes you think the ministry don’t have the same objectives?”

“I don’t trust them, or at least not that creepy bloke you had here.”

“Oh don’t take too much notice of him, if he knows he’s creeping you out he gets worse.”

“That is so insulting, his whole manner was disgraceful. I have a good mind to write to the Secretary of State…”

“Who will call him in and show him your letter, if he ever gets it, and they’ll both have a good laugh and do nothing except blight your career.”

“They can’t do that, can they?”

“Piss him off and see what happens.”

“I’d prefer not.”

“Wise decision. Look, why don’t I call him later and tell him you’ll do the dormouse film, but you want to see how it goes before you commit yourself to anything else.”

“Well that’s sort of the truth,” I said, because that was more or less what I’d just said to Tom.

“I’ll explain that you had a very definite message with your film and you wanted to maintain editorial integrity.”

“I’m not sure that last word is one he’ll understand.”

“He’ll understand, he just doesn’t have any, hence my warning about being careful with him. Why do you think I was keeping out of things?”

“You were in agreement with him?”

“On the level of doing more to protect our species and their habitats, otherwise he is a total anathema to me. Plus I had to sit and eat lunch with him.”

“Why didn’t you warn me he was coming?”

“I didn’t know, in the diary, I had down a low level meeting with someone from DEFRA regarding the survey. I hoped he was just going to ask how we were spending his money, because I have that in chapter and verse. Instead, Don Maskell showed up, and I knew my morning was going to be wasted. However, what Don wants he gets. Don’t stand in his way.”

“I’m not going to let some jumped up pen pusher boss me around, Tom.”

“Instead you’re going to let some jumped up pen pusher destroy your career, are you?”

“I erm–he can’t do that, can he?”

“He can and will. It should be obvious even to your tiny little mind, they want you to do this film, so if I were you I'd get on and do it. If it’s a disaster, I expect they’ll look for number two on the list and get them to make the next one. So that’s one way of getting off the hook–however, you’ll have lost any credibility you had within the world of academia. They don’t mind you making documentaries as long as they are good ones, plus of course, if it’s a cock-up, your precious dormice won’t get the support they need.”

“So I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t?”

“Yes and no.”

“Now who’s equivocating?”

“I didn’t realise you understood big words like that”–he smirked and continued after I glowered at him–“if you make a good film, it just might be that other offers will come in, and you might just be too busy to do his second one.”

“That’s a point, I like it.”

“The downside is you can’t depend on it happening, but there is a reasonable chance. I know the Spanish were wanting to do something about the dormice on Menorca. In fact, I’ve got someone going out there next week to do some research.”

“Why didn’t you send me? I’d love to go to Menorca.”

“She was going anyway, some Welshwoman or other with an unpronounceable name, you know what it’s like, sounds as if they have need of speech therapy.”

“Remember I come from Brissel, we’re quite used to Taffies there, and they do happen to have the Olympic and World champion road woman’s road racer.”

“Oh her with the French-sounding name?”

“Nicole Cooke, I suppose it could be French, I’d never thought of it like that–anyhow, she’s the best woman rider in the world, even beat Vos, who is something special herself. That final lap in the world championships, was something else and Cookie outsprinted Vos, she actually outsprinted the great Marian Vos….”

“Cathy, are you making a film about endangered species or Nicole wassername?”

“Erm, I wonder if she knows any good dormice?”

“Earth to Cathy, look lassie, I shall tell Maskell, you’ll do the first film and we’ll be in touch. I shall of course put in a bid for a full time replacement, although I want you here enough to supervise these yer dormeece, when we get them. Keep a clear account of your expenses, we’re going to claim every penny we can out of these tightwads in Whitehall. Remember to keep a note of the hours you work, we’ll decide what the going rate is afterwards.”

“This is going to be hard work, I hadn’t thought of all that.”

“If you’re the producer as well as the presenter of the film, and the main author and advisor, you’re not going to come cheap.”

“I want Des’ share too, he has a child on the way and he or she deserves something from their Daddy.”

“What about his cottage?”

“That has a full editing suite in it, I might well be working at his house for some time.”

“Looks like. Just when I get my daughter back, she’s off again.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m only going to be away temporarily and I am mobile, I shall come and visit and you can do the same, you know.”

“I don’t like to interfere, I know Simon sees too little of you.”

“As long as you’re not actually sleeping with me, I know Simon won’t mind. Have you heard anything about Stella?”

“Not since we went up there and found out about the bairn.”

“I’ll ring her later, and see how she is. I know she will be pleased that I’m going to finish the film.”

“Yes, I’m sure she will.”

“Right Professor, I’m going to see if Neal has finished installing the cages. Wait until I tell him we’ll be doing some harvest mouse breeding as well.”

Tom laughed out loud, “He’ll say, I thought this was a bloody university not a bleedin’ zoo.”

Tom was absolutely right, almost verbatim.