"...when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood, or at least the mementos...."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 10

 © 2008 by Jan S

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>> Wednesday, May 7 (early afternoon)

Hi-s, Marsh,
Working hard? OK here's your break for the Sky Update. :))

But I don't really know what I can tell you about since just last night really. Well, the shoes I got today.

Ms Y. didn't have tons of time this time, but I wound up with four new pairs, and one has high heals! Only two inches and real wide, but still. The other is some white flats and two pairs running shoes, but one all white and one with green, but I have to find a chance to wear the heels around Lisa before she has some! And there really aren't that many.

And I got some new bags, a messanger one, that I can use even as a boy, and a real cute tiny back back too. And then we had lunch again, and Ms Y kept asking me questions about what I like in school, and about books, so it was back to more like a regular talk with an old this time. She had to go to a meeting then, so I got back here.

So that's all my shopping news, Marsh. Well, it was fun and, yeah, I got a ton of this stuff now, huh? And I've got to find somewhere to wear the heels!!

And changing the doctor's appointments doesn't really work, because now I just here after Andrea has already started her work, today it's only a few hours, but most times I'll still have to get into the kitchen to make my lunch and stuff still. And today I had some clothes to wash, and Daddy takes most of that to this wash-and-fold place or the cleaners, but I do some of mine in this tiny little washer/dryer in a closet in his bathroom, and she was in there cleaning when I went in and just stared at me. And now I'm stuck until she leaves. :(

But I've got lot's of 'puter classes stuff, I guess.

But you know something? I was thinking, and sometimes I feel like stuff happens so fast that there are things that I always plan to tell you and they just get lost. And that's why I wish I could just see you some so much, because in letters it never is like just regular talking.

Like I never told you I'm reading "Pride and Prejudice", and that, instead of a movie, Daddy took me to a bookstore last Friday -- yeah, well you would have thought it was better maybe even, but not so much me, and I do like reading too, you know -- but anyway, I wanted to get it, and he pretended he wasn't going to let me because it was ruined now because I'd seen the movie version and all that again, but I got it, and it's not ruined at all. The letter part that was good in the movie, the real long TV movie, was even better in the book. And you know what I figured out, and it was maybe too fast in video to notice, Mr. Darcy is the least prejudiced one of them all!

It's like not, like, about prejudice like we would call that -- you know, that some kinds of people are bad or something, but like making judgments on what you expect (Which yeah that is what prejudice is), but I mean it's about making assumptions about someone, and then no matter what happens, seeing the happening as proving the assumption about the person. Right? And, yeah, I talked about it with Ms Y. but she didn't give me that, I thought of it before.

And he stops first; Lizzie doesn't until after the letter. And Daddy was like: "well, duh", but with a smile, and you probably are too, right? But anyway, I think that is neat. So. But do you think that Jane Austin thought that that was because Lizzie was so special or because Darcy was? Because I think it was Darcy.

And aren't you glad we don't name people things like Fitzwilliam anymore? Ugh. But Darcy is nice, huh?

And you know if you were around more I could tell about it more and things, but with letters it's different, and things like that don't get into them because other stuff keeps happening.

Daddy made me get "Emma" too, but he said I could learn something from it, so now I'm sort of afraid to read it, and I haven't got to the end of the other yet anyway. And I've also started one of those Lois Lowery books, but so far I think they are just sequels, but not real bad because she is real good.

So anyway, all the rest of the day I've got nothing to do because I already went to the doctor's. And Kaezee has been like it is super important to tell her about me liking to be a girl sometimes real, real soon. So I told her today.

Bye. Work hard, but not TOO hard

Loves and Hugs
Skye

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>>Wednesday, May 7 (late night)

Hi!!!
I'm going fishing at last!!!! Daddy doesn't have to go to the dialysis place at all, at all, all this whole weekend, and doesn't have to go to his office either, and he's even going to get someone to cover for him on part of Friday, and we're going to get to leave right after my doctor's and not be back until Sunday!!

I just had to tell you that, but it's uber late, because Kaezee showed up at the door, and I didn't even know because I let the battery run out on my cell. She came with Ann and Becky, but she wound up eating with us still. Mostly we just hung out in my room all night, and she kept calling me Tomboy because I was so excited about fishing. So I'm going to get to bed and tell you about the stuff you asked about tomorrow, OK?

But listen, when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood or at least the mementos, and so, since all I have is Prince, that's the frog Daddy gave me, and about five of you stuffed animals and my Mickey D's Belle, we raided your room and she talked me into putting some of your real old Barbies and other dolls around, and I'm just sort of using them for decorations, and is that OK? I can put them back if you want. I didn't take Kristin because she is way yours too much, and I wouldn't.

She is just kind of hard to argue with, and it's not because she is like going to wrestle you if you don't, but just that she goes so fast that it all makes sense and is way too good an idea to argue about, you know?

And she also showed me these sites where you can dress up Barbie and other things on line, because I don't go on to CoH any more because I'm Zack's global friend, and he would know if I were there. And we did that until Ann came to get her.

And it's not me that has too much of a jaw, that's Kaezee, but I don't really have any cheek bones, and hers are kind of high for if she were a boy. Ann and Becky told me last week that I looked real good, and they also said that I don't have a brow ridge at all, but Kaezee isn't sure about that, but they do arch a little, and they still pulled out about twenty of my eye brows and Kaezee did some more on Saturday, and she works on hers a lot. But my eyes are close together with light eye brows and my best part. And they say I have a sweet nose too which helps the cheek bone thing. But they all say I don't have any lips and need to get bee stings, which is this stuff that comes from bees to make lips bigger they were talking about. And Kaezee has great lips.

So that's one thing you asked about that I don't have to say anything about in the next letter, because that's what I meant about jaws and lips that time, and Kaezee wants to get her brow bone shaved and her jaw and a thing put in her chin that's kind of flat, and a nose job, and plastic surgeons can do all that, but the chin isn't really about looking more like a girl, and the nose only sort of is. And my voice is still high, and if I start soon I might not lose that, and that's why she wanted me to talk about it to Dr. Ross right away.

But Dr. Ross didn't really say anything -- do shrinks ever say anything?? -- but just asked me to tell about it and stuff, and all like that.

OK, and so, there is the other neat thing. I went on a bike ride after I wrote you today to get out of the way and all, and I went the other way on that railroad path thing, and not very far there are these two really neat looking house just sitting there. And they look like they are real old ones, with a round tower with a cone on top of one, and real long porches, but they aren't, more like brand new, and they have big chain fences all around. And there is only two, but the streets are even new looking and real long. Daddy says they might be models someone built that wanted to make a new neighborhood, but then over a year ago the money dried up and no one buys houses now, which I was smart enough not to ask about that. But there were men working putting grass down on one of them, and it is pale blue with dark red shutters and stuff, and the other is yellowish-white with teal, and it's the one with the round thing. But they were neat and looked all lonely out by themselves empty.

Well, nite.

So, again I got long, didn't I? But one thing led to another, and it's good because I don't have to answer that stuff tomorrow, and Daddy says I can't leave until I have all my 'puter classes through Friday done, and I'm like way behind, and he says I should not go to the rec classes even. And the lodge place we're going to doesn't have internet or even cell phones either, so this might be it for a while. OK?

Loves and hugs,
Skye

P.S.: Don't break your brain because I'm not around to distract ya'

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>>Thursday, May 8 (morning)

Hi, Marsh
There was the other thing that you asked about that I forgot last night.

When I told Dr. Ross about the stuff, she really didn't seem surprised at all. You know shrinks practice that, I think. But she just wanted to know how I felt when I did it and all that like I said, and you know Daddy really knows and stuff, so I know he talks to her sometimes.

See, Marsh, it is really like no one around really cares I do this. I mean Ann and Becky are always talking about the people at Anime cons and places, and you never looked at it but there are some manga where the peeps have to dress like girls a lot, or turn into girls, and people dress up like them for the meetings. They think it is cool.

And Daddy doesn't mind, and you.

And she said that some people want to change because they don't like who they are, but changing the way they present (which means how they dress and like that) or even their body, won't help that. And that other peeps want to change because they want to be who they really are inside, and we -- I -- must to find which is me. And she's kinda right, you know? I didn't like being me much, and I really, really wanted to be something different and maybe that's why I liked it when the Youngers asked me to go to that breakfast that time, is all. And it's like hard to figure out, and I don't know. OK?

But, Mars, I do know I feel good those times, and just like it, you know?

And I don't even know if I should talk about this because it was with her and all, and we talked about our mother, and that would be against our rules to say about, right?

But for the fishing trip I got to be old Jude again with Daddy, right? And that will be even at night and everything. And I think I might be happy about that because it has been a while, so it's good.

But, Marsha, did Daddy ever talk to you about these things even before?? Did he like think I might start doing this stuff? I mean before?

nvm

Bye, I got to do the classes work more.

Love ya'
Skye

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>>Thursday, May 8th (night)

Hey, Mike
I don't want to argue again, really, really, please. But she did hate me a lot.

I don't remember about when I was just a baby, but I remember lots.

Your right, when I broke my arm that time she did take real good care of me, like you said, I know that, I remember that, and helped me a lot, and other times when I was sick too. She was always real, real nice then. She said I was the perfect sick kid, and I even thought I was a pain then. I used to hope to get sick just for that, but you know it had to be major and not something faked.

But that wasn't most times, Michael. She just always hated me and even in court said so. But, Mike, I've talked about this with people and stuff, it's not something I thought up, but they said it's not right for me to tell you to hate her, OK? You can love her because she was different with you always, OK?

And it wasn't like she was ever terrible, I know. She never used to really hurt me until after she moved, just slapped. But she called me stuff and was, like, always telling me to do things different, and I couldn't even act friendly or anything. I knew lots of kids that really had mean parents, worse maybe, and I know about kids getting beaten and tied up and all that and she wasn't that, until the last fall, but I also know that I was always afraid of her, even when she was nice, because I didn't know, ever, what it was that made her so mad.

The only time she ever got mad at you was going ballistic for you not going to that lacrosse scholarship thing, not even when you took the car after midnight, or back when you threw toilet paper in that girl's trees and put salt in her grass for a heart. She just laughed and stuff, remember?

But I couldn't laugh right or play right or anything, and you're stuff was on the refrigerator until the paper fell apart, and you were embarrassed about it because you were so old, but all my pictures when I was little, and I tried to make them pretty for her, disappeared in a day. I tried real hard. I remember that, Michael. I do. And I was afraid of her and tried to be what she wanted. But that did hurt, and I didn't even know it hurt or what hurt, I think.

And, see her son would do it right, and hers had to act different, and I had to be like hers would be, and I wasn't. And I knew it was her that hurt, suddenly, when it stopped hurting at the court.

And she said to the judge that I felt too much when I said I'd feel bad if she wasn't my mother anymore and was crying, and she was glad I wasn't hers now, and she wasn't on the stand and he fined her five hundred dollars, and then when I went out and she was between the police people she said I was just a thing, and that that was all I ever was, Michael.

But it's OK. I got where it didn't even hurt by then, like a thing, and I wish I could love her, and I do, but I can't. But you can. Please, because I want her to. So, OK?

So, OK. I don't know. OK? I don't want to talk about it more. OK? Please.

Daddy and I are going fishing tomorrow. I'll get you a trout (or a t-shirt). OK?

Loves, Bro,
Skye

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>>Thursday, May 8th (almost midnight)

Well, Marsh,
I did it all again. I sent Michael a letter that will probably make him real mad all again.

I shouldn't have, but he was asking questions, and I shouldn't have said the things.

But tell him I didn't mean it -- I didn't want him to hate me, OK?

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>>Sunday, May 11th (night)

Hi, Mike
Geezz!!! Categorical imperatives, Phenomenology, Epistemology??? All in one letter? You're trying to make my brain pop, right??

Is this like your way to say you're not mad, and we can talk about something else?? OK. But a different something else, PLEASE!!! And if a murder is looking for me -- LIE!! The situation does too matter, and that doesn't mean everybody else can always lie either. That's just over-dumb, no matter how smart that Kant guy was.

But OK so, I'll talk about something else.

The fishing place we went was way uber-cool, all forest with a lake and streams and mountains to walk around. We got tons of fish, and cooked some in the cabin, but released most of course. Both trout and bass. (I forgot your t-shirt. They didn't have a gift shop there, I think. Ooops.)

But I do know one thing that's a phenomena, Mike: the sky. You see it because that's just what you see, but that's different from not being real, and it does change how you feel and things, and effects lots of things. That, and islands being so apart like you said, is why I'm changing how I spell my name back again.

Luck on the exam!! Sounds like you got it aced to me, Bro.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

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>>Sunday, May 11th (night)

Hi ya', Marsh
We're back! It was a really neat, neat place, Marsh! Way up in the mountains and then you take a turn and there it is, and it had one real big building, and that had a restaurant and places, and then there were all the cabins that you couldn't see as you drove in, and it was all surrounded with woods. And it was pretty snazzy really, not just a fishing place but that's all they really had.

I mean, even though it was a fishing place, that like the restaurant had table cloths and stuff, and you had to dress up and not wear stinky fishing clothes when you went there and, I think, some people came just to be in the woods and mountains too. And when we went in there right after we got there the waiter pulled back the chair for me because it was such a nice place, and that kinda fuddled me because it's never been done before, you know?

But when we got back here there was a letter from Michael, and he's not mad it looks like and talked all about his philosophy stuff, which was even lots worse than when you started talking about buying money and markets and economics stuff just because I said I saw a pretty house. Do I really have to understand all this to go to college? Because I mean: "No Way." But maybe I can just go to worse colleges than you two or something, I guess.

So anyway the most important thing: this morning Daddy gave me a necklace, Marsha. It's a cloud that's gold and about bigger than a quarter by a little, and it's got silver on the edges, because even gold clouds have to, right? And a diamond over by one edge, and a gold chain, and the back says, "Clouds Can't Ruin a Beautiful Sky. Love, Daddy", just real light and small, so you have to look right at it to read or even see.

And he told me that he looked and thought real hard for something that would symbolize a sky better, but I think it's just right, you know?

But I told him about putting on the E, and it being an island, and he didn't frown because it didn't fit his present anymore but did say about that poem about no one being one (which was what Mike had said too), and he asked about if I felt like that, and I said that island did have a road, and he made me count my roads, and I'd never thought about it like that; but you and him and Kaezee now, and Mike is sort of a draw bridge we decided, but Lisa, Ms Y, Wendy, Ann and Becky, and it turned into lots and lots now. And Daddy said if I wanted to be called McKinley or Everest that was OK but please not Kilimanjaro or Kosciuszko, because they were too long. (OK, well I still think he's funny sometimes.) But he meant that knowing that we are separate (like mountains) doesn't mean we are all alone (like islands), see?

And he says that the sky isn't an illusion at all; that not being able to touch it doesn't mean it isn't real, like with love and freedom too. It is a phenomena, which might be like something Mike said about in his letter later, but I don't know. But that the sky is what we experience, and that it makes us feel better because it is there, and it makes us feel warmer on cold days and happier when it is too hot and, even when it does have clouds it is nice to have it all around us and hold us, and it is like it hugs the world. And so I'm not going to use that E anymore. 'K?

Also, Daddy's going to call me Sky from now on, except when he forgets, and except still Judey when he wants to bug me, and Jude Skylar Eliot when he's annoyed big time, he said.

But I got Daddy this pair of big oven mitts that have maybe a Laura Ashley print, because I thought that would be like a joke for today because he cooks sometimes so much now and things, and hadn't thought I'd get something too. And my present was nothing to what I got, but weird: I think he really liked it a lot, almost as much as I love my necklace.

I haven't even got to about the fish we caught or to the boy who tried to kiss me and other stuff this weekend, I know. But I got up at five to fish this morning and had to be home for my science tutor, and had to write Michael and have to get up at the regular time, and Daddy even let me leave all my stunk up clothes by the washer in his bathroom so I could get to sleep early, and I should. So I'll tell you the rest while I'm hiding from Andrea tomorrow, OK?

Loves and Hugs
Sky

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