Jamie in Cartoon Land (1)

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Time seemed to slow down, really it seemed to grind to a halt. As the minutes ticked by, the fever seemed to get worse, the pain in my belly grew more intense and small beads of sweat started to form on my forehead. Each time I opened my eyes the room started to spin around and around and around. And what worried me the most was in one of the chairs of the room there appeared a shadow. The shadow looked like me, we’ll a version of me before I started taking steps to become Jamie. No, this shadow was James, who was sitting there, legs crossed hands folded behind his head and his eyes, deep pools of fiery redness fixed firmly upon me.

“Hello, Jamie.” The shadow said. “Seems your not doing too good right now.” The shadow said grinning as it stood up and walked across the room. “Remember me, I’m you. Or you killed, you killed me, replaced me, tried to push me into the shadows. And now I’m back. Back to follow you and get my revenge.”

I tried to speak, but nothing came out, my throat was too dry to form words. The shadow only smirked as it peered down at me. As it peered down at me, it smiled and as it smiled I could see row upon row of white teeth that seemed to drip with dark red blood. The blood dripped down from the top of the mouth and ran down in red streams down the corners of the twisted smirk and finally down the chin.

“Jamie!” I broke the gaze of the shadow and peered in the doorway. In the doorway stood my sister. She was peering toward me. Slung over her shoulder was her backpack. She walked into the room, walked toward me, placed the backpack down upon the ground and reached out and placed her hand upon my cheek and then upon my head. “Girl you're burning up…” She muttered as she shifted her attention toward Ben. Who was still holding my hand?

“I’m freezing..” I muttered. As I tried to focus my eyes on Lily, “So, what did Robin say?” I said as I leaned back into the chair. It was crazy, one minute you feel like your soaking in melted lava, the next minute you feel your soaking in a tub of freezing cold water.

“Here,” Ben Said standing up and removing his jacket. He placed his jacket over my shoulders and started to button the buttons. It was like a make-shift blanket only it smelled like Ben, was fleece lined and oh did I mention it smelled like Ben, that was a total bonus.

Lily blinked and blinked again as she watched Ben remove his coat and place it around me. She offered him a small smile before turning toward me. She swallowed hard and kneeled down. She took my hands into hers and peered into my eyes. It was like she was trying to break some bad news to me.

“She said.. Listen don’t take this the wrong way sister. Cause this might come across as hitting below the belt. And I’m sure once she sits down and talks with you, she’ll be totally cool with having you help us.” She said placing her hands into mine. “Man your hands are like ice..”

I learned in, out of the corner of my eye I could see the shadow again. It was peering at me, smirking at me, from its mouth I could see a long, back tong sticking out between the rows of sharp white teeth that were still dripping with blood. The sight of those teeth made me want to throw up, I would have too if I felt throwing up would not do more harm than good.

“She said No, I’m afraid. She said having one helper might be more than we can handle.” She said with a sigh.

I sniffed and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Lily reached up and cleared the tear away, a small smile formed on Lily face as she squeezed my hand and nuzzled her cheeks into them, I think she was trying to transfer some of her body heat into me.

“But listen, we're not going to open till Eastertide. It's only All Soul’s Day. Something bound to happen to change her mind between now and then. Let me talk to her, let her talk to you. Let her see what kind of women you can become. Okay, now, let's just get you better.”

At the time, a man and a woman entered the room. Both were dressed in what I’ll call, heck I don’t know what you’ll call it. boots, form-fitting pants. Long sleeve shirts. Both had boxes in their hand. The women, who kind of reminded me of the tough rocker chicks you see on MTV Music Video’s was the first one to speak.

“Hey, I’m looking for a Jamie Potter..” She said addressing the room as she reached down pulled out a pair of plastic blue gloves from her pocket and snapped them on.

“She here!” Called Ben and Lily together. The women nodded her head and walked over to me, she kneeled down and peered into my eyes. I tried to smile, but let's be real, it's hard to smile when your brain feels like its being boiled like a peanut.

“Hey,” I said taking a deep breath.

“Hey, I’m Marie and this is my partner Jack, where paramedics. Right now, I need you to stand up, Jack going to bring in a stretcher, we need you to lay down on the stretcher and be very still while we buckle you up. Once you're buckled up, we're going to wheel you out and load you up. Okay?”

I nodded my head.

“Once you're loaded up, we're going to take you to the E.R of King’s Daughters Hospital. They have an exam room already set up for you. Then depending on what they say, your either going home to rest and recover or maybe Jack and I will take you to Jackson. Anyway, you're in good hands hon.”

I nodded my head again, to show my understanding.

What happens then, seemed to pass in almost a blur. I remember being helped down, Mari and Jack helped me onto the stretcher, I was strapped down and then pushed out into the hallway. Both sides of the hallway where filled to the brim with students and teachers alike. Jack was in front and Mari was in back, following Mari was Ben and Lily. As we made our way down the hallway, I noticed some students signed themselves with the cross as I passed them, others just stood there scowling. The few Catholic’s among us, where holding their Rosaries in their hands. One girl, a blonde hair one rushed up and placed hers in my hand, she then patted it and returned to her collection of friends.

I smiled at the jester. And yes, that shadow from before was floating along with us. Thankfully it said nothing, but its menacing grin still peered down at me.

The two paramedics then wheeled me out of the school and into the back of the waiting ambulance. Marie climbed in back with me, and Jack climbed into the driver's side. Before the doors where closed, I looked up and saw Lily standing upon the school common. Ben was standing beside her, I gave them both a smile and offered a little wave, the door was then closed and the ambulance drove away.

“They're not going to miss you. You heard what your sister said. Her best friend thinks your not good enough to help them with that little maid café. Once you're gone, she’ll be free. And Ben will be free, your mom and dad will be free, everybody will be better off..” The shadow whispered into my ear.

“SHUT UP!” I screamed as I wrapped my fingers around the prayer beads. “Would you shut the fuck up!” I cried again. “Cause I’m honestly getting tired of your shit!” I tried to sound brave and fearsome, but the last remark had brought tears running down my cheeks. The salty tears were choking me as they ran down from my eyes, down my burning cheeks, and into my mouth.

“… something bothering you hon?” Marie said as she looked over at me.

I groaned and closed my eyes, the shadow only stood there smiling, smirking, laughing almost. Today had gone from bad to worst…

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Comforting

Daphne Xu's picture

It's got to be comforting not to be alone, when a nearby shadow is menacing you. It is unfortunate, though, that apparently nobody else can see it.

-- Daphne Xu

Oof

Beoca's picture

Few demons are as terrible as those of the mind. Best of luck to Jamie as she works to deal with this, put it behind her.

Things that go bump in the unconscious

laika's picture

As I seem to recall the "shadow" is a concept in Jungian (and to a lesser extent Freudian) psychology, all the parts of ourself that we do a pretty good job of pretending aren't there, unless we're in the middle of a fever dream or something and we come face to face with the personification of our darkest shit. Hang on Jamie, keep all hands and fingers inside the car, please don't feed the Chthulus, this could be a very dark ride...

Which makes me think of the "Bardo Realm" from the Tibetan Book of the Dead for some weird reason, all the scary images and chaos and demons a soul experiences between one incarnation and the next (the Hungry Ghosts are my favorite, with their mouths too tiny to feed their great big bodies they're always hungry {an almost Dantean metaphor for the trap of desire}, who made their way all the way to Japan to wind up in their mythology and then as characters in anime); And the goal is to stay calm and remember it isn't real and can't hurt you, ideally to get off the cycle of death and rebirth entirely and enter heaven/nirvana/the white light, which few manage; but the next best thing is to find your way to a better next life (three guesses what changes I'll be shooting for.)

Not that I think Jamie's gonna die, but some folks think you can skim across the outskirts of that place through the use of psychedelic drugs; or when in a vision state; Or possibly while reading one of Sunflower's visionary stories- which veer off into such strange + surprising places that somehow make sense in these otherwise real-life situations.
~onward, Veronica

Wow,girl,

Bad Trip.