A Short, light Interlude

The breeze from the distant sprinklers felt cool as we walked along the path. In spite of the ample water, summer had taken a toll on the grass, and it was starting to thin and turn brown in spots. School would start next week, so the park wasn't as crowded as usual. Most of the parents likely had their school-age kids in the stores, or were squeezing in a last-minute family vacation.

The path curved slightly, revealing the playground ahead. I could feel little Jimmy's excitement as he pulled my hand.

"Be patient, Jimmy. We'll be there in a moment, sweethart," I admonished him, mindful of the bundle of unbridled enthusiasm and energy that is a three-year old.

"Hurry Mommy! I wanna swing! And don't call me sweetheart. That's for girls!" I smiled at the last part. Gender identity starts early with kids. Even though he loves his apple-scented bubble baths, it has to come from a bottle with Spiderman on the label.

A few moments later we arrived at the playground. He pulled loose and took off running. I knew his interest would soon shift from the swings to the slide, or the fort, or another contraption, so I took up station on a bench that provided a view of them all. From here I could monitor not only him but his interaction with the other kids. While he was occupied I took out my phone and began to clear messages from my in-box.

"I swear they must breed," I muttered to myself.

I saw the boy as he entered the park from the opposite end, following the path to the playground area. He had that size and build, and face that made placing his age hard. He looked maybe twelve, but I'd guess maybe older, possibly thirteen. Like us, he was a frequent visitor, though when I thought about it I realized I hadn't seen him since June. What made him memorable was how he looked so miserable all the time, almost as if he wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. He seemed to watch the smaller children with envy, as if he wanted to join in but was prevented by some invisible fence. He just seemed to be carrying an invisible weight on his narrow shoulders.

Today though I almost didn't notice him, because he didn't look anything like like the boy I was used to seeing. His demeanor was completely relaxed and his posture very straight. And, he was dressed in powder-blue shorts with a pink square-neck tee with cap sleeves. There were two small bumps on his chest, not that unheard of on young teen boys with dietary issues or slight hormonal imbalances, but there were strap outlines under his top indicating a training bra. He was wearing white sandals, and even had subtle nail polish on his hands and toes. His hair was pulled back into a clip at the back of his head, then hung freely to his shoulders. As he turned his head to watch one of the kids, a silvery reflexion from an earring glinted in the sun. My mind struggled to grasp what I saw. If he hadn't come from his usual direction and sat on the same bench as usual, I would only have seen a typical pre-teen girl just entering puberty.

I struggled to understand what I saw. Why was he dressed like this? Before today, he always looked like an outcast, a pariah even. Was this some kind of disguise so the other kids would play with him? Was he a danger to them?
As a parent my mind was having trouble reconciling what I "knew" from all those parenting and women's safety courses I'd taken over the years. Safety classes always told you to be alert for anyone who looked out of place, or exhibited unusual behavior, and this was anything but "usual" behavior. But here this boy was, just sitting there on the bench by himself, and behaving exactly like the well-mannered young lady he appeared to be at the moment. In fact, I seemed to be the only one who had even taken notice of his arrival. Should I be worried for my Jimmy, in the playground mere yards from him?

There seemed to only be two possibilities. Either this child is a very disturbed person or someone who was here to cause trouble. The boy that shot up that school back east was about his age, wasn't he? But even if he isn't here specifically to cause trouble, he's got to be disturbed, and mentally ill people are so unpredictable, right? My mind churned on the possibilities and all I could come up with were bad potential outcomes for my son playing nearby. I suddenly wanted to run over, scoop Jimmy into my arms and leave, but something held me back. I finally realized that this something that held me back was the image before me. It was the complete normality of a young 'tween girl taking in some sun on a late summer day. Looks aside, I still decided that this child might be dangerous. I decided to take a wait and see attitude. I chuckled nervously to myself. Maybe he's going to a costume party later. As if!

I pretended to return attention to my phone, but I held it in a position where I could watch this boy-girl in my peripheral vision. I had the speed dial for 911 ready, and I gauged my ability to take him-her out if he tried anything untoward with Jimmy. He-she stood up at that moment and I began to panic.

"Hey Mommy, watch this," Jimmy yelled. I turned my head to see Jimmy launch himself down the big slide. He wasn't quite big enough for that one, so I watched nervously until he got to the bottom safely, only to run around to the steps again. He was obviously going to do it again. I was torn between walking over to be closer to him in case he needed protection, and letting him have the space to push his limits a bit. If I ran over to Jimmy now, he'd think that I was being overprotective. I turned back to look at the boy-girl and he was sitting again, talking on a pink, bespeckled cell phone he'd removed from the small backpack now at his side. I could just hear him over the background noise.

"Hi Mom. I left Suzy's just a bit ago...Not much really. Brenda was there too and we've been making bracelets. I decided to stop at the park for a bit, to watch the littles play but I'll be home in about an hour. I promised to make Daddy his favorite casserole tonight and I want to check in case we have to go to the store first. Maybe, if we have time, you could show me how to make pie crust? Great!...Of course I'm being careful! Really Mom, that stuff doesn't happen to me anymore; the bullies are afraid of catching girl cooties or something...Okay I'll see you in a bit. Love you too, byee!" So, the parents know about this? How can they be okay with it? He's quite the actor though, that voice is simply musical!

He-she put the phone in the backpack and pulled out some yarn and a baggie of colored metal objects. My attention was riveted on him-her as he-she expertly manipulated the yarn between fingers and crochet hook. After a few minutes of this I turned to see what Jimmy was up to. I panicked when he was nowhere to be seen!

I jumped up and began to scan the area. Just as I was about to scream for help, I spotted him. He had left the playground area and run over to the adjacent flower garden, and he was returning at a run holding a handful of colorful flowers he'd purloined there. I was thinking how to gently tell him he shouldn't pick the flowers in the park when my worst fears were realized. He abruptly changed direction and ran directly to the boy-girl I had been watching with such apprehension. I realized that no matter how fast I was I couldn't intercept him. My panic riveted me to the spot as the scene unfolded before me.

He-she was obviously surprised when Jimmy suddenly appeared in front of "her". "She" laid "her" work in "her" lap, looked up and smiled as he shoved the improvised bouquet at "her". I was approaching adrenaline overload as I watched, helpless to affect the outcome should it go bad.

"I pick these for you. You're pwretty, and I'm glad you quit p'tending to be a boy!" he said, holding his arm out straight. What did he just say?

"Awwwwwww...!" She (and it was now obvious this was no boy!) said with that curious upward inflection that young girls learn. She accepted the flowers, bringing them to her nose and inhaling deeply for Jimmy's benefit. "That's so nice! You know what? I'm glad I don't have to pretend anymore too! Can I give you something?" Jimmy nodded timidly as the girl gently set the prized bouquet aside, then picked up the baggie and started picking through it.

"This will take just a minute. Can you wait that long?" she asked as Jimmy nodded excitedly. "There it is, I've been saving this for someone just like you!" She extracted something shiny from the baggie, then picked up her project, and did something with the shiny bauble.

"I'm Jimmy, and I'm fwee!" he said proudly, as he tried to wait patiently.

"I thought I heard your Mommy call you Jimmy. That's a good name, and I'm glad to know you, Jimmy. I'm Amy, and I'm almost fourteen," she said conversationally as she worked. Moments later she reached for his arm and deftly fastened a multi-colored bracelet to his wrist.

"There! What do you think?" I expected an indignant explosion from him for such a girly adornment but instead, he studied it for a second, then quickly jumped on the bench and kissed her on the cheek! He then turned and started to run to me, but she cried "Wait a second!"

"I like flowers, but it's a long walk home and I'm afraid they'll be ruined by the time I get there. Do you think your Mommy would like them?", she asked, as she put them in order and tied yarn around the stems to make a proper bouquet of them.

"Oh! Yeah! Fank you!" He said, taking them and running back to me, flowers in one hand, bracelet on the opposite arm. The smile on her face was precious as she enjoyed Jimmy's excitement. Just as he arrived, I saw her putting her things in her backpack, preparing to leave.

He arrived in a rush, then repeated his earlier action with the flowers. As I took them, he held his wrist up and said proudly, "Amy mak'd me a bracelet! See, it's got Buzz Lightyear on it!" I looked at the yarn and bead creation, and sure enough one of the beads woven into it had the very recognizable Disney character imprinted on it. Apparently the presence of Buzz Lightyear negates all that pink, lavender and turquoise yarn! I looked over and smiled at the girl, but she had already started down the path towards her home. This time it was obvious from the way she moved that she must be older than I thought earlier.

"She used to p'tend to be a boy but she's really a girl. She wasn't very good at p'tend," Jimmy said authoritatively.

One of the benefits of being a parent, is that very occasionally you're blessed with the opportunity to see the world through your child's eyes, without all the filters and prejudice we adults normally apply. Suddenly I understood it all.

I had badly misjudged this young lady, and for what? My own warped sense of order? When did I become so inflexible in my views? Why should I have a problem with someone who just wants to be? I suddenly realized how courageous she must be just to be herself. It hadn't occurred to me earlier that being different doesn't always equate to evil or dangerous. When you are different it must be terrible to be surrounded by such ignorance as mine but thank God I can sometimes get a glimpse of the real world through Jimmy's eyes. An idea began to form in my head. We needed to hurry though; she was almost out of sight.

"Come on!" I grabbed Jimmy's hand, and as fast as Jimmy's little legs could run we rushed over to catch up to her. She stopped when she noticed us coming.

"Pardon me, Miss, Amy is it? I'm Jessica Simmons, and I see you've met my Jimmy. I've seen you several times here in the park and it's obvious you love kids. My Jimmy here seems to have made a connection with you. We love him to bits but sometimes parents need a break. My husband and I like to go out to dinner by ourselves occasionally. Do you babysit?"

Common sense took hold then, and I had just opened my mouth to begin backtracking and babbling on about interviews with her mother, responsibilities, etc. when she abruptly set her backpack on the ground and pulled out a small spiral binder. She flipped it open and immediately began writing quickly. Fortunately I had the sense to shut up before I began.

She started talking as she wrote, "Well, it depends on my mother. She's really protective. OOPS!!" She blushed bright red. "I mean, I'm only allowed to babysit my baby cousin Jenny right now but I've been pestering her to let me babysit more. Daddy says I'm caught in a "catch-22" of inexperience, whatever that means." She tore the page from the binder and handed it to me. Her name, address, and phone number were written in green in a pretty script, along with another number. "please call her. Oh, her name is Barbara. Sorry."

"What is this number?" I asked.

"Oh, that's a course on home safety I took at the fire station two months ago. Lots of girls and some boys take it. I think the boys took it mostly because they had a policeman come in a couple times to teach self-defense. Anyway, Daddy said I should always tell people about taking that course. He says it shows I'm serious about home safety and keeping kids safe. It's also registered with 911 so if I call, they'll know I've had a little training". She replaced her binder then hefted the pack.

"Well, I really have to go now, Mommy gets worried if I'm late. Thanks so much for being so nice to me, and I hope I can babysit Jimmy soon!" She she turned and briskly walked away.

"Amyyyyyyyy!!" Jimmy called as I studied the neat writing that seemingly indicated a far more mature teen than I had first thought.

Amy turned to face us, though she continued walking backward. Jimmy was waving furiously with a big grin, his bracelet sparkling in the sun. All three of us laughed as I added to Jimmy's efforts, though not quite as enthusiastically.

"Byeee!"

As we watched her profile recede into the distance, I couldn't contain my curiousity any longer.

"Jimmy, what do you think about the bracelet?"

"Oh Mommie! It's the coolest!" he said, seemingly noticing for the first time the way some of the colored bead reflected the sun.

"Well, what about the pink yarn?" I asked, truly wanting an honest opinion, and hoping he didn't think I was trying to direct his answer.

He stopped walking and looked down. After a few seconds I became worried that I had embarrassed him or communicated something negative about it to him.

Finally he looked up. "Mom, Amy's a girl. She was making that bracelet for a friend, and she's prob'ly a girl too. So 'cours it's pink! Duh! But she changed her mind and gave it to me. Aaaand, she even put Buzz Lightyear on it! So that makes me her frien' too! B'sides if I didn't take it she woulda had her feelings hurt. So this way is better! When we get home I'm gonna put it on my cork board so all my friends can see that I have a girlfrien!" He looked up at me, as serious as a three-year-old gets.

"Can I do that Mommie?"

I was beyond surprised by his mature response. I was just beginning to realize how rich and surprising true parenting can be. That's twice today I realized that there's a lot more going on in kids' heads than most adults can imagine. "Of course you can be Amy's friend, although she's a bit old for a girlfriend, and you're a bit young for that anyway. But we'll see if she can babysit once in a while. Okay?"

"Yay!", he exclaimed as we walked back to the van amid rocket noises, various explosions, and lots of laser flashes from those magic Buzz beads.