Marilyn in Blue

The wig I am wearing is cyan, the skirt is royal, the tight sweater bloused over my prosthetic breasts is icy blue.

Marilyn in Blue
Originally posted 2006-02-20.

Marilyn in Blue

by Erin Halfelven

The wig I am wearing is cyan, the skirt is royal, the tight sweater bloused over my prosthetic breasts is icy blue.

Blue hose, blue shoes, blue nails, blue jewelry. No one will ever see me in my blue makeup. That's the idea.

It's a dream movie, Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Walter Matthau in "Some Like it Cool!" And a hundred cameos by other Names.

We are all dressed in blue, the better for the computer to edit us out and edit in our classic film avatars. Fed thousands of frames of the original appearances of the original celebrities, the computer will recreate the icons we represent over our images. Cinema goers will see not us but our other selves.

David will appear as Jack Lemmon, Larry Fine, Roy Rogers, Elvis Presley, Harry Truman, Stan Laurel and Cary Grant. Stuart will be there as a young Tony Curtis, Rock Hudson, Moe Howard, Adolf Hitler, Franklin Roosevelt, and Jack Kennedy. Baggy-faced Al will seem to be Walter Matthau, Shemp Howard, John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Dwight Eisenhower, Charles deGaulle, Joe E. Brown, Bud Abbott and Jimmy Stewart. Marty will do the cameos for Lou Costello, Oliver Hardy, Joe Stalin, Curly Howard, Edward G. Robinson, Desi Arnaz, Alfred Hitchcock and Benny Hill.

I get to do all the important women's parts. Marilyn, of course, Jacquie Kennedy, Maureen O'Hara, Betty Grable, Dale Evans, Esther Williams, and Lucille Ball. Several other people fill in all the other cameos. All of us in blue.

I smile at my blue reflection. I do look eerily like Marilyn but that does not matter too much, the computer will make sure that Marilyn looks like Marilyn. It will recreate her image and even her voice, but the way she moves and her poses, vocal inflections and attitudes will be supplied by me. I will recreate Marilyn and the computer will make it perfect.

It's the hardest acting I've ever done but it is a real accomplishment to have been chosen for this project. Only Tony Curtis is still alive of the stars and he will do a cameo of himself as his older self meeting Stuart as his younger self. It makes your head spin.

The plot isn't important but it seems as if the boys aren't out of the woods yet with the mob. They have to recreate their appearance as members of an all-girl band, this time with Sugar helping them while they tour the world meeting famous people and defeating mobsters and spies.

And I get to play Marilyn playing Sugar. I want to squeal a Marilyn squeal because I'm so excited.

The director calls to me, "Norman, are you ready?"

"Call me 'Marilyn' or 'Sugar', Pete," I remind him in a breathless pout.

He rolls his eyes, "Marilyn then. Five minutes." He spreads his fingers as if I needed to count them.

I wink at him. I check my blue makeup one last time. Five minutes later, I sashay out to be Marilyn in front of the cameras, wiggling my padded, blue, butt for all I'm worth.

David utters the classic line, "Like Jello on springs."

I, Marilyn, Sugar, pretend I haven't heard him and give my booty a final twitch. This is going to look terrific on film.

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This story is 578 words long.