eather’s House Party was the bread and butter of PBS the American cousin of the BBC. Each week Heather Ford would welcome guest from all walks of life onto her show and for whole duration of the two hour block they would be toasted and welcome. Toward the end of the show somebody, be it a guest from one of the segments or a member of the audience would be put into the fabled “The Gunge Booth” a phone book looking box that was trimmed in faux gold and copper.

I first ran across Heather’s House Party while spending three days stuck inside of the house due to a bad case of pneumonia. See we only have basic cable at our house. And I was way too sick to do much reading or writing for that matter. So I spent the bulk of that time curled up in front of old television set watching rerun episodes of “Ken Burns Civil War”.

One episode stands stood out to me. And I still remember it to this day, Heather was conducting a vote between two actress on the popular teen day dram called “York Hall”. Were lucky to get a few episodes every know and again. It normally comes on the air late Saturday morning, after the last cartoon has run. “Dad’s Army” follow it and rounding out the block are a few episodes of “Father Ted.” My sister having been born and reared into the Episcopal Church, understood to a paint the kind of humor found within the show more than I did. To me, the show was all about lamboing the Roman Catholic Church, the priesthood and poking fun at the insanity of that infested a small, isolated Irish Village.

But back to the episode. Josephine, the big bad girl of the school was going up against the Gothic beauty Catherine. Josephine had shoulder length blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She also wore a stunning strapless, red satin dress with matching choker. Matching heels completed her outfit. Her rival Catherine, wore her school uniform, a white blouse, with tie stripped in the school colors, a pleated blue skirt and a blazer with the school crest sewn onto the right breast pocket.

“Welcome back!” Heather chirped as she strolled across the stage two where the two girls sat. “Today we have Josephine and Catherine.” She said with a smile. The two girls were seated between the gunge booth. Catherine looked a little scared, her hands where folded in her lap and her legs where drawn close together. Josephine on the other hand looked like the cat who had snatched the song bird from the gilded cage.

“So, Josephine.” Heather said coming to her side and wrapping her fingers around her arm. “Last time we check you had forty percent of the vote. I don’t know what to say. Maybe the viewers at home are too afraid to vote for you.” She said with a wink.

“I guess I’m too perfect to get gunged.” She said smiling as she wiggled her body and folded her hands into her lap.

“That might be.” Heather said as she turned toward Catherine. “So Catherine, right now your leading by sixty percent! That means sixty percent of the British Public watching this program wants to see you get gunged. How does that make you feel?” She said as she placed a loving arm on Catherine’s shoulder.

“A little scared to be honest.” She said taking a deep breath as she peered up at Heather. She forced a giggled and her pale cheeks seemed to bloom with color. “A little freighting too.” She peered toward the top of the tank. A clear plastic box held forty gallons of orange and black sludge. Small beads

“We’ll, lets see how the vote stands!” Heather said as she shifted her gaze toward the camera. Then on the screen two separate gunge booths appeared. As voted started to count the gunge in the tanks started to rise. Catherine stood there holding her breath and Josephine sat there looking smug as numbers appeared on screen. Then something happen, Catherine total count stopped at twenty percent and Josephine kept going and going till the final total of eighty percent was reached!

“Great Scott’s it seems the balance has shifted.” Heather said rubbing her hands together as she peered toward Josephine. “Josephine all your misdeeds, that are way to many to list.. The British public has sentenced you to get gunged!” She said clapping her hands together as a look of pure shock dawned on Josephine face as she stood up and blushed deeply. Part of her knew this was coming! Part of her was hoping Catherine would be the one going in!

“You’ve been a great sport there Josephine!” Heather said grinning as she ushered Josephine into the booth. She smiled and closed the clear plastic door behind her and gave it a good tap. “Any final words?” She teased as she reached over and took the cord into her hand and wrapped her pretty little fingers around the pull.

The minute she pulled the cord, orange and black foam started to rise and fill the tank. Josephine squealed as the bubbles covered her toes and then her foot. With a look of horror and doom written upon her face, she looked up, only to get a face full of yellow swirled with black sludge came pouring down upon her, coating her face and her hair. The slime was thick and greasy looking and rolled down her shoulders as it covered her hair and pretty face.

“That all the time we have today! Join me next time here at the house party!” She chirped as a second wave of gunk fell on Josephine destroying her dress and soaking her to the bone. The foam was up to her shoulders now and her whole world must have been nothing but different shades of orange, yellow and black. As she wiggled like a worm on a fishing hook the credits started to roll.

As the credits started to roll, I felt my eyes becoming heavy. Turning the set off, I laid down upon the couch and reached for a nearby pillow. I taken some medicine an half hour before the show came on. And it was starting to take effect. Yawning I reached over and wrapped Swiss army surplus blanket around me and feel into a frightful sleep.

A few hours later, I felt something or somebody rubbing my feet. I opened my eyes and there at the edge of the couch sat my sister. A look of great concern was sketched upon her face.

“Feeling better honey?” She said peering toward me. “You look a little better.” She placed her hand upon my forehead and then pressed another hand to my cheeks. For a minute she looked in deep thought. “

“I’m feeling a little better..” I said peering up at her. The girl had gone from being my older sister, and short of a makeshift mom to a full fledged nurse. She had even taken a few days off work from the farm to drive me to the doctors office and stay home to tend to me.

“Your fever broken, that a good thing. The colors returning to your cheeks. I think your good. Okay it's settled tomorrow where going to church together. You and me, so I want you washed and dressed for ten o'clock Mass.” She said removing her hands and folding her arms across her chest.

I nodded my head and smiled a little as I peered toward my sister. She had quite a forceful personality when she wanted to we’ll take command. She saw me nodding my head and a smile came across her face.

“Come on kiddo. Let's rustle up some food. Thinking about ordering a pizza with some of those cheesy bread sticks.” She said almost licking her lips.

A small smile crossed my lips. My sister could be pretty cool at times. And so another episode came to a end.