CHAPTER 50
She sat up like a frightened kid, looking absolutely terrified, and I saw that gasping fish movement once more. Shock? Terror? Either way, she found her own voice, but only just.

“Diane”

She was trembling, and still sitting bolt upright up she simply stretched her arm backwards without another word, and Eric’s hand was there for hers. I saw that smile, once again, as she had turned to see him in the church, and if I hadn’t known then, I knew now. This was absolutely right, absolutely my friend in all of her widescreen and HD reality. P, DC Sutton. P, p. I hunted my own voice down, and brought it back kicking and fighting, but thankfully not squealing. I turned to the door, to my own rock, waved him forward, and found my best smile to go with the words.

“Annie… Annie, love, I’d like you to meet my husband. Blake, come in. Please”

Elaine followed my husband in, looking as worried as Annie, just as that woman rose, tugging Eric with her. He stepped closer to her, and his arms went round her from behind, chin resting on Annie’s shoulder, cheek against her hair. Despite the tenderness, there was a threat in his posture, and his gaze and voice were absolutely flat. In other circumstances, I would have found myself reaching for my spray or asp.

“And you are?”

Annie tilted her head ever so slightly to her right, taking the pressure of his cheek on her own and placed her left hand on his, squeezing, lovingly.

“This is Diane, love. I used to work with her years ago. She’s not a threat”

Her eyes flickered, just a little suspicion dawning.

“And how did you know my name? That it was me, that is?”

Blake had my hand, and he stepped over to an armchair, as that seemed to be all that was left, dropped into it with a great display of overacting and pulled me onto his lap. His voice was cheerfully light, but his cuddle was as fiercely protective as Eric.

“Can one of you please pour us some tea? Lainey said there was some made”

Another flicker from Eric’s eyes, and then he kissed Annie’s cheek, turned her on the spot and all but pushed her back onto the settee. He left the living room, not without a searching look at me, clearly set on doing what Blake had asked. I watched him go, before turning back to my ole friend, who looked lost without her man, trembling but trying to face me down. Her eyebrows went up.

“And? Answer the question, Di”

I couldn’t hold her gaze and dropped my eyes.

“I’ve sort of been keeping an eye on you, Annie”

That was so clearly not the right thing to say, and her search for courage switched to a slowly rising boil. Oh hell. I held up my hands, do the conflict resolution dance, oh yes.

“No, Annie. Not like that. Lainey let me know. Wasn’t just that time on the phone”

The boil was intensifying, and Lainey looked absolutely sick with embarrassment, starting her own game of ‘Listen, Empathise…’

“I stuffed up, aye? Siân’s already been on my back about it, others too, so I’ve already had my telling off. Oh, sod it. You know I couldn’t make that day you met your family?”

Annie’s glare changed to puzzlement.

“Aye, but you sent Twm and Arwel, and… oh, hell!”

Eyes wide now in sudden comprehension.

“Where were you, Diane? Blake? That was you, wasn’t it? Clapping?”

Blake’s chin was on top of my head as he cuddled me, so I could feel him nod.

“She went blonde, Annie, just for a week. Your playing, shit, you’re bloody good. Couldn’t help myself, could I? Anyway, didn’t think you’d noticed”

“You weren’t the only one clapping, were you?”

“Not really, no. Whole café caught on, in the end. Look, well…”

He pulled me closer into his warmth, his strength, his safety.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, none of you. I have a lot to live up to here, but I do my best, and it seems to work. I’ll just say this once, get it out. My wife always had a thing for you, just never knew why it never came back her way. When she found out why, it did a lot for her”

I tried to rise, but he held me tight.

“No, love. Shush. Has to be said, OK?”

A gentle kiss, and then he decided to spill my life story all over the living room carpet.

“My darling here had some bad times when she was younger”

Not now! Not my day! His arms tightened again, and he simply kept on.

“No, I’ll tell this, love. She was raped. Simple as. Self-esteem, self-worth, both raped at the same time. Took me a long time to get through to her, and all she could talk about was you, Annie”

Eric reappeared with a tray of teas, and Blake took two cups, one after the other, setting them on the little table beside the chair after a nod from Elaine.

“Glass top, aye? Just put the cups straight down. Won’t damage it. She’s got you well trained, I see”

I could feel him chuckle, and he turned to Annie’s husband, shuffling us a little more upright before handing me my tea.

“Thanks, Eric”

He sipped for a while, finding the words, then began again, quietly, almost as a reminiscence rather than a conversation.

“Took me a long while, as I said, and all the time it was trying to find out why she was so down on herself. Have you told them, Lainey?”

Elaine sighed, shaking her head in resignation, then looked at Blake and me, her next words leaving no room for argument.

“You two, Sar doesn’t know all of this, aye, so please, confidential as, OK?”

I couldn’t see where she was going, but nodded, and then realisation hit me along with Elaine’s next words.

“Annie, how much has she told her about that trouble she had?”

“The beating, from that Joe Evans? And the two coppers in the hospital—”

Her eyes opened again, and I had a real twinge of sympathy for her system and the shocks it was getting.

“Oh, fuck! I saw the names in the Llais y Sais. Sorry, didn’t realise. Read it on a trip back home, Aunty Esther takes it, don’t know why. That queer-bashing crap, aye? Evans and Pritchard, they were coppers, weren’t they?”

Elaine was just building her snarl to the level I remembered too well.

“Yup. And Joe Evans beat Sarah up”

“He wasn’t there as well?”

Elaine spat the words out.

“He’s been sectioned. Apparently, he pissed himself at the custody desk when he clocked who I was”

“Same family?”

“Oh yes. Same group of shits”

My former colleague’s gaze could have stripped flesh; she was Job to the core, obviously.

“I am going to take a stab in the dark here, but I think I’ll be spot on. How old were you, Di?”

It came back in a rush, just like the sound of pebbles in surf.

“All of sixteen, Adam. Annie, sorry. Yes. The same fucking family. Locked up now, all of the shits”

Annie turned to Eric, and a look passed between them which told of pain I hadn’t been told of, or at least not then. She rose, head tilted to one side, eyes now on mine, and took the few steps needed to bring her to our armchair, kneeling at Blake’s feet and opening her arms to me. What else could I do but uncurl from my man into the embrace of my old friend? She hugged me tight, and then looked up at my husband as she spoke.

“You too love, you too. Locked up, I mean, all these years. Thanks, Blake, for letting her out. I’m so sorry I didn’t see”

My throat was closing up, a sob trying to break free, but I turned it into some sort of snorting laugh, which clearly fooled nobody.

“And it would have worked how, exactly?”

The attempt at laughter didn’t even fool me, because the tears followed, as did Annie’s, and we just held each other until Eric did his best to bring us back to the time, place and rather important events we were actually there for.

“Tony wants a call as soon as, Lainey. Says he’s not worried, not really. Can I use yours? Mine’s out of juice”

Elaine was also a little swept away, but she was as much in control as ever.

“On the side there. Just, aye? No mention of what we just told you. Sar doesn’t know, and I’d rather she didn’t find out”

“No worries”

The conversation was pretty anodyne, and I realised it was to Elaine’s brother-in-law, by all accounts the biological father of the babies that would hopefully arrive shortly. He replaced the handset and sat for a few seconds staring into his own world of thought before looking to Annie for reassurance, then turning to us.

“What’s your plans just now? I am assuming you were intending to do what Annie and I had planned, and look after the two fat ladies till they’re a bit slimmer?”

Blake laughed out loud as the mood broke.

“Mate, I thought I’d like you when I saw you face down that crowd in the café! Here, take my hand, and let’s sort this out as best we can. Oh—love, bathroom. Get a towel!”

What? I saw where his eyes were pointed, and the dark stain spreading across the other armchair.

“Shit! Lainey, got a bag ready?”

“Uh?”

“You not feel—oh, hell. Your waters, love”

I shot up the stairs, guessing correctly at the second door, and grabbed a medium-sized towel. Downstairs again, and my darling was in his own P. P zone.

“Our car, Lainey. Eric, you come with us, leave these two to sort things out between them. Where’s the grab bag, Lainey? Used to this, I am, so once cleaned up we are offski. Got the number?”

“Book next to the phone”

“OK. Annie, you or Di give the hospital a ring, Eric and I will get the sumo queen here up to her new bed. MY mobile is actually charged, so we’ll ring when we know. Neither of you is to talk to Sarah about you know what, OK?”

I received one of those patented Detective Inspector Powell Looks, and knocked it back with a grin.

“Well, you bloody well trained us all, girl! Just a second”

I grabbed her for a hug, which became three-way with Annie. Eric rushed back in with a small holdall, and a little video camera, which brought a laugh from Blake.

“Nice one, mate! Got some footage of ours, a bit messy, but, well, got to be done. Inspector Powell, your carriage awaits”

Eric grabbed Annie for a kiss that left no room for any doubts, and my man did his best to outdo him with me, which was nice, and then all three were shooting out the door, until Lainey shouted “Hold on!”

They paused, Annie joining them, as she gave her last, rushed instructions, which were limited to telling us about locks, keys and knife drawers, and then the front door was slamming.

Annie came back in, shaking her head.

“Need to call her Mam and Dad, aye? Phone book here… ah. Give me a minute!”

She dialled, and as is the usual way, I got half the conversation with what were clearly Elaine’s parents. Annie finished the call, hanging up in a very deliberate way, and after a few seconds composing herself, turned back to me.

“Tea? Might as well get comfortable. Twm and Sioned, that’s Lainey’s parents, will be over in a few hours, depending on traffic. There will probably be other family, so we need to find some common ground while we have the space, aye?”

She disappeared into the kitchen before I could do more than nod, and I suddenly felt abandoned. Blake was gone, but Adam was here, and at the same time it wasn’t him, but it was, and, well: life wasn’t trying to be simple in any way just then.

She returned with a tray, pot under a cosy, and pulled up the side table to hold it.

“Di?”

“Yeah?”

“I won’t bite. Sit by me?”

I sat at the other end, gingerly, but she was offering nothing but warmth as she asked the obvious question: what were we going to do? I started to laugh, largely with relief.

“You know something, Annie? What I said when Lainey showed me that bit in the tabloids? Get your tits out stuff?”

What a blush! It was followed by a gentle smile that slowly broadened into a grin.

“That wasn’t a bad day, girl! That was when my beloved actually asked me to marry him! A girl remembers that sort of day!”

I nodded, my own grin emerging.

“Yeah, exactly. So there we are in the pub, me cuddled up to Blake---”

“He’s a very big man”

“Oh yes indeed---oh, you dirty bitch! Wash your mind out!”

“Healthy married woman, healthy married appetite”

I just managed to keep my tea inside me.

“Well, those papers, Elaine got some copies, and she showed them to me and Blake, and I said something stupid like ‘Thank fuck I never asked her out’ and, well, I was right, wasn’t I? What it was… Blake said it. Locked up, I was. Yes, he’s a big man, and after Ashley fucking Evans…”

“Your gentleman friend with the personal space issues?”

That set me laughing, and she put a hand to my arm.

“Always kids about at home, Di, so euphemisms-are-us is the order of the day. Ashley Evans?”

“Aye. You know about Sarah, you said, Lainey’s sister, so you’ll know what happened to me. It was the classic rape scenario, the sort the papers love. Abduction, threat of a weapon, violence, bloody stranger-danger rubbish… Well, both of us, that’s me and Sarah, got visited in hospital and told to shut up and go home, or else. Same two coppers. One of them was family to Ashley and Joe Evans. Did you hear about the result from our gay-bashing investigation?”

She gave me a sad smile, the pain behind it not quite hidden.

“I was a bit busy, love. Nonces, and then the bomb”

“Shit yeah! How is he?”

“Dennis? Just about back to his old self. Few new habits, a little less outgoing, but still there, still being a dad”

I could feel something else in there as well as pain, and she could see I’d picked up on it. Rather than a wince, I got the impish grin I was seeing as being so utterly her, while still Adam.

“All in sequence, Di! Tell you what tickles me in a bit, aye? Anyway, gay bashing”

“Short version? Three of our friends were up to their…. No. We are talking rape, girl, and that really isn’t the right metaphor. Joe Evans and two coppers went down, plus some mates, and then my other half and our team did a proper number on Ashley Evans. I wasn’t his only victim, and some of the other ones had also met our lovely trio, so all in all, we got there”

Her expression was softly quizzical at that point.

“It’s why you joined up, isn’t it?”

“Dead fucking right, Annie. Worked too! Now. Story of you? And your man?”

She lifted an arm, and it was obvious what she wanted, so I slipped into the cuddle, realising how utterly non-sexual it was. This was a friend, a married friend, a straight friend: a girl friend. We settled back into the sofa together, her voice soft as she looked back through the years.

“That was the thing about Dennis, love. He showed me which way I went”

“But you got married”

“Yeah, yeah. I call that the last throw of the ‘can’t I just be bloody normal?’ dice, and it was a stupid idea. Dennis arrived on station, and I heard his voice, and it’s like warm butter, and then I saw his arse and, well, hello heterosexuality. Ruthie—girl who became his wife, she’s actually called Kirsty, long story, anyway: Kirst thinks I’m just some gay bloke lusting after what she’s marked out for her own, so a little bit of misunderstanding, aye? And I suppose, back then, I was looking to switch over, transition, so it was all at the right time”

“And Eric?”

“Oh dear me, Eric. I think it was Steph who first saw it”

“Steph? Woodruff?”

“You know her?”

“Well, OF her, sort of. Long story”

“OK. Steph collars me one day, and she says something like ’which one is it you fancy?’, aye? And I will admit she confused me, so she explained that I spent all my time either taking the piss out of Eric or looking to Den for approval. Sharp woman, that one”

“So Eric. Why, how, you know what I mean”

“Sit up for a sec’ just want to top my cup up. You?”

“Procrastination is just not you, woman”

“Yeah, well. That is what you have wrong, because it was my whole life. Some friends kicked some sense into me, and he was there almost from the start, and he never, ever complained, never made a nasty comment. I knew him for years and years as Adam, and he was always the best of mates, aye? And it was me that saw it first, but to be honest I am not entirely convinced on that one. He is as straight as a ruler, Di, and he simply couldn’t… Look, he understood I was female, and he was fucking amazing about it, but this woman was wrapped up in some blubber-monster of beardy fat man”

I put a hand to her lips.

“You were never fat!”

She took my hand, lacing her fingers into mine.

“You should have seen me. Slow suicide by lifestyle, Di, and then my friends decided they’d close that game down, and he was there, and… I’ll show you pictures some time. Wasn’t a good place to be, aye?”

She was silent for a long time.

“It was the Woodruffs. They got us out at a festival, the whole lovely, mad family of them, and they just gave us the space, and the occasional timely push in the right direction, and… and…”

I found some tissues in my bag for her.

“Thanks, Di. That was the turning point, aye? We did… I decided, after the first day, or rather THEY decided, that I would start being me, and I looked like shit, but Eric’s problem is being straight, which isn’t a problem really because--- Sorry. Gushing. Our friends let us have time and space to see where we could go, and I made it plain to him what everyone else already knew, INCLUDING him!”

“Which was?”

“That I loved him, of course. I realised that it wasn’t some big revelation, no sudden wake-up call, but what I simply hadn’t spotted for the years we’d been meeting and riding together. Then, we were talking about one of the people who pulled me back from the edge, and I’d said to Eric about him having done more for me than anyone else but this friend”

“You remember it well, then?”

“Every bloody word, aye? So Eric says about how Ginny---that’s the friend—he says ‘Yeah, love, but Ginny actually did something’, and I think we got about a minute down the line before I thought hang on… Did he just say the word?”

She was smiling broadly now, even though her tears were flowing so readily.

“And the rest is history. Never backed away, never stopped being true to me. What more could I ever need?”

I squeezed her hand, partly because there were so many things unspoked but still made plain by the words she had given me. ‘I’ll show you pictures some time’, for one, implied that she had already decided we would be keeping in touch. I took the plunge.

“Got some pictures for you, Annie. One from me, and one from Lainey. Hang on while I grab my phone”

I stretched out for it, and flicked through the files… there. That one, then the one Elaine had sent me.

“This one, love, this is one Lainey sneaked at your wedding”

“Cheeky cow! Oh…”

“Eric turned around as you came in”

“I look so bloody soppy!”

“That’s called happiness, woman. Now this is one we sneaked”

It was the ‘Ice Cold in Alex’ shot, and she turned bright pink.

“God, that’s even worse! You need to delete those, almost immediately”

I twisted round to look her in the eyes.

“Almost?”

That cheeky grin once more, and I could see how right she finally was in her skin, how utterly comfortable.

“Almost, because I want you to send me copies first, aye?”

I was feeling utterly relaxed with her now, and it was so easy now to say that, the pronouns fitting so well, and I wondered how I had ever missed what and who she was. My musing was broken by al loud bang at the front door, and she sprang up to answer it. I heard a mixture of voices, and then she entered with an older couple. I recognised the man as Elaine’s father, Twm. Annie made the introductions.

“Diane? You obviously know Elaine’s Dad, and this is Sioned, her Mam”

Twm laughed. “No loner a blonde, then?”

I grinned back, taking Annie’s hand again as she stood by the settee.

“No need for sneaking about now, is there? Tea?”

“Aye. Please. Arwel is parking down the street. He has a holiday home thing on wheels”

I looked over to Annie again.

“A camper van, RV thing? That answers part of a question I had. Where is everyone going to sleep? Not exactly a hotel-sized house, is it?”

Annie laughed out loud.

“Some of us have come prepared, Di. You sort the tea out, and I will prepare the palace that will be Chez Johnson”

Twm just nodded. “Sioned will help with the tea while I hold your ropes, Annie”

Revelation! “Tents?”

“Yes, Di. It’s what we do for fun, me and ‘im indoors, or rather ‘outdoors’ while we’re over here. There will no doubt be a flood of visitors---oh, reminds me! Sioned, any ideas on how to clean wet upholstery?”