Author's Note:With all my prep work done for my upcoming court stuff, all I'm left to do is wait. I woke up this morning worried and upset and started writing in an effort to preserve what little bit of sanity I have left. Hah! Anyway... I'm so glad that you've enjoyed the last chapter, and I hope this will continue for this one. This has been an incredible story for me to write, and I hope that you're enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it. Much love y'all.-~Rebecca

Later that evening I was standing there in my bathroom admiring my boobs… Yeah, I never thought I’d have ever thought that, let alone admitted it to anyone either. Sam’s administrations earlier that afternoon had caused a shift inside me, one I couldn’t define but I definitely knew things had changed for myself. No, I wasn’t talking about seeing myself as a girl or anything, but maybe just maybe I could deal with these things. I mean, I had never thought in a million years that I’d have someone interested in me like that. I mean I knew I was a good guy, or tried to be, but other than that I thought that I was sexually dead. Being sick like I was, and then having my balls removed… I had never felt so… Alive?!? I don’t even think that really explains it… Laying besides Sam after that moment and holding her as she kissed me softly, I don’t think I’d ever been so content in my life. If having my boobs caused that… I can live with it… them…

My night after Sam had brought me to that realization quickly became a blur. We had cuddled and kissed for a bit longer, but she had to get home and ended up leaving thirty minutes before Mom had gotten home. Mom getting home was just another fun experience to my rollercoaster of a day. She had walked in fully prepared to fuss at me for my stunt at school, but before she could get fully started I pulled my tee shirt up and even though I had put on my biggest bra the cups were extremely overfilled. That totally took the wind out of her sails…

That caused yet another inspection and getting the girls measured again to her disbelief. She quickly called Dad and had him pick up some take out on the way home, so we could go shopping afterwards. Yay… Even though I knew I needed new bras didn’t magically make me enjoy shopping. Knowing that I’d probably never remove them, especially after I knew how good they could feel, the thought of being fitted by someone other than my mom was embarrassing to say the least.

Dad arrived with Chinese take out a little bit later and we sat down for a quick supper. That was when I got my lecture for the shit I had stirred up this morning. Even though I was getting fussed at for creating waves right getting back from my suspension, it really didn’t feel heartfelt. It felt like they were just going through the motions, but after I had explained everything and let Dad watch the video, I could see pride in their eyes for what I had done… Maybe parents feel that sometimes they have to ‘fuss’ even though they agreed with what I did. I do think they wished I had waited a bit longer than my first day back.

The shopping trip after supper made me want to hide under a rock… Mom tried to make it as painless for me as possible, I know that, but it wasn’t just shopping but bra shopping… Where’s a rock when you need one… I’m small and I don’t even need a big one to hide under.

She had taken me to the vanity fair outlet a few towns over in an attempt to limit seeing anyone we might know. Also, since it was an outlet I wouldn’t be subject to a stranger fitting me. Instead Mom took my measurements and started grabbing dozens of new bras and letting me try them all on in the safety of the changing rooms. We ended up leaving with eight new ones, four sports bras, three regular ones, and the last one… That one I actually embarrassed myself with… When I saw it, I couldn’t help but think how pretty the black lacy thing was, and how it would make my breasts look. That was the embarrassing part, the thought that I wanted them to look good made me blush brightly. Mom noticed and was a mix of amused and confusion. I tried to change my mind, but she had said she saw how much I wanted it and she tossed it in the buggy with the rest, along with a set of matching panties. Panties that were vastly different than the plain cotton ones I had gotten used to wearing.

The ride home was excruciating for me. Mom tried to get me to talk about why I had wanted that black lacy bra. I think she was hoping that I might be ready to ‘take the plunge’ and go all out being a girl. I knew that I looked more like a girl than a boy, and how that would probably be easier, except I just was ready. I tried to make excuses why I had wanted it but couldn’t tell her the real reason. All I could think when I first saw it, was I bet Sam would love how this made them look. I had already realized that I knew Sam loved me, and I also knew it wasn’t because of unwanted transition. I had realized that Sam, like me, was still attracted to women.

That had led me to where I was at that night, standing there in front of the mirror wearing my new lacy bra with its matching black lacy panties. My emotions were all over the place, I don’t think they could even build a roller coaster that had all the twists and turns I was experience at the moment. At first, I was amazed at how good I looked, at least my body. My hair was a mess being the shaggy mop that hadn’t been cut in almost a year by this time. I knew I looked like a cute girl, and I mean a really cute girl with a shitty haircut. I wasn’t voluptuous or anything, but my C-cup’s looked huge on my rather petite body. I had also gained a good bit of weight, but all the exercising and everything I was more toned than anything. I realized that with the right effort I could probably be considered hot. Then I got embarrassed with thinking that, and how so not long ago I’d have died to be standing where I was at right now.

I shifted how I was standing so I could see how I looked at different angles, and then I started thinking that I wished I knew what Sam would think of this. I imagined that she would like it, and that took my thoughts to what had happened earlier… Needless to say I got excited. I closed my eyes and traced the outline of the bra and imagined that my hands were Sam’s. After several minutes I was really into it and my knees were getting weak. I opened my eyes and the hungry look in the disheveled girl staring back at me shocked me and and made me realize what I was doing.

I quickly rushed back to my room and took off the lacy things in favor of my plain cotton underwear and hopped into my bed. While I was lying there my thoughts kept returning to Sam and before I knew it my hands found my breasts again and it wasn’t too long before I was having to bite my lip to keep from crying out…

I felt asleep not too long afterwards, I wish I could say I slept peacefully but unfortunately, I kept having these weird intense dreams. I kept seeing myself and different futures I guess. At least they were all with Sam, but they changed up so drastically… One thing in common though in none of them was I ever dressed or looked like a guy. There was Sam and I at a dance, I was in this short sassy dress and Sam was wearing a nice pantsuit. Then there was our wedding, me in a beautiful white dress and Sam in a feminine cut tux… In all the different variations it was obvious that Sam even being a girl was always the masculine one in the dreams and I was the petite sassy flirty girl… Many times, I woke up in tears, hoping that my dreams were driven from my fears and not from what my subconscious might want…

The next morning it was harder than I thought hiding my breasts. I had to wear a baggy shirt and put on a light jacket to cover them up. Thankfully, it being October, it wasn’t too hot to wear the jacket, but it really wasn’t cool enough to wear it either. I figured I’d just deal with it, at least till this weekend. Once I told the guys and the girls on the team it would only be a matter of time before someone talked. Hell, for all I know someone might notice my breasts today. As afraid as I was of telling everyone, I did know that I was sick of hiding them. I did want to talk to my friends before everyone knew though. That was important to me at least.

My parents knew I was a bit off this morning, my thoughts kept me in my head. Not only just the morning but that day and the next leading up to Saturday. Sam even knew something was wrong, and I did confide in her… Well most of it at least, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about my new lacy underthings I had gotten. I was still embarrassed at myself for wanting them like I did.

Honestly things over the next two days were basically dull. I had expected the deal with Mrs. Benson to be blown up into this huge thing. It ended up being a non-event… She wasn’t even fired, she quit of her own accord. If the school was going to side with letting Sam and I, on top of gay and lesbian couples hold hands, she couldn’t stand by and watch it… So, she quit… Not only her, but 3 other teachers who shared her belief walked out after the meeting they had. They all were older teachers and had enough years they filed their retirement paperwork and left.

The funny thing was the PDA rule that everyone had been quoting since like forever didn’t even mention holding hands, or even kissing… Nothing was ever specified specifically. It seemed the rule had never even been read in the last few decades, it was always assumed to be specific. It only stated non-authorized PDA was allowed… So, what did Mr. Miller do? He specified what was allowed and using other state schools as his guidelines made his specifications. Basically, what wasn’t allowed now was kisses lasting longer than 10 seconds, or any kisses using tongue… Yup that was it… He did hold an assembly in the Gym with all the students present explaining the new rule, and reiterated that in no way will our LGBT students be singled out and the ruled abides to everyone… You know what? None of the students really cared… The ones that might want to single us out were happy that they could kiss their girlfriends, and then there were the LGBT kids who were just excited about not being picked on by faculty. It turned into no big deal…

Of course, it was a big deal to some people, people like Shelly who about mobbed me the first chance she got. I was with Sam when I heard her squeal out my name as she ran up and hugged me. It was embarrassing enough but she scooped me up in a tight hug and lifted me off the ground. Not only did being picked up so easily by a girl embarrass me, but as she hugged me I felt her breasts pressed tightly against mine. It was obvious by her expression and how she sat me down so quickly she felt it too.

Once she sat me down she looked down as I tried to cover them up again with my jacket and she asked, “Jordan are those?!?”

Sam moved up closer to try to block me from others view as I whispered as loud as I dared, “Yes they are. It’s not what you think Shelly!”

Shelly glanced at Sam as she stood over me protectively and said, “Jordan you don’t have to hide them okay. You know we all love Sam, that wouldn’t change with you…” Then she gasped, “Oh my god, you’ll be able to play with us… That’s awesome Jordan!” She was getting louder and louder.

Thankfully Sam was able to get her attention, “SHELLY!” Once Shelly focused on Sam, Sam continued, “It’s not that simple… Jordan doesn’t want this… He… Want’s to be a guy…”

Confused for a moment, her eyes brighten up, “OH shit… You’re a transguy? I didn’t know… I never even thought… Hell, look at you, I mean it’s pretty obvious now…”

I blurted out, “Dammit no I’m not trans… I mean… I am… But… Shelly I was born a guy… I promise.”

Sam nodded, “Listen to him Shelly, he’s telling you the truth. He doesn’t want this.”

Now I could see that she was totally confused by now, I softly told her, “Look you know I was sick?” She nodded, and I pressed on, “What was done to save my life… It caused this… I really didn’t want this to happen…”

Sam’s face perked up, she asked, “You didn’t? I thought you said you don’t want this…”

I rolled my eyes and told her, “After… you know… I’m working things out…”

She smiled and blushed, which Shelly noticed, “What a minute… What did you do Sam?” To which we both blushed.

Sam was the first one to speak, “Look. This was what he was going to talk about Saturday okay. Can you wait until then and let him tell everyone? I mean it Shelly, not even Rachel.”

I added, “I’d really appreciate that Shell. I don’t want to explain everything thirty times… I’m sick of hiding this… I need to be the one to do it… Just can you wait till then for me to tell them? Please?”

She glanced back and forth at both of us biting her lip. I knew she had a lot of questions she was wanting to ask, she finally nodded and said, “Okay… Saturday morning… I’ll make sure everyone is there. Are you okay Jordan? I mean you’re not going to be getting sick again?”

I shook my head and told her, “No I shouldn’t be getting sick again… I’m feeling better right now than I ever have. At least that I can remember…”

She smiled softly and gave me a much more subdued hug and whispered, “Then no matter what’s happening… I’m glad you’re still with us okay… No matter what, we’ve got your back. The whole team will, or they’ll be off the team. I promise you.”

I answered while hugging her back, “I hope it doesn’t come to that…”

She let me go and winked, “Trust me, I know my girls. It won’t.”

As Shelly walked away Sam gently grasped my hand in hers and asked, “So yesterday is helping you work things out?”

I glanced up at her and saw the mischievous twinkle in her eye and smirked, “Yeah it is… It helped, and confused me, more than you could know…”

She grinned devilishly and bent down to kiss me, but right before her lips touched mine she said, “Just let me know when you want me to help you again… We can work on this confusion your having.”

Reminded me of that while her lips touched mine caused my body to tingle in anticipation, as we broke the kiss I couldn’t help but give an involuntary shiver and I softly exclaimed, “Stop that! I’m going to have to get to class…”

She giggled as we started walking towards our classes and said, “I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend if I didn’t offer.”

I joked, “Great my girlfriend is a shameless hussy…”

She laughed and then kissed me on the cheek telling me, “Yup, except I’m your shameless hussy, remember that.”

I shivered again, which only made her laugh loudly as we walked. I smiled as I quickly realized I didn’t mind that at all.

I didn’t see the guys until lunch on Friday when they cornered me about being the cause of the drastic change to the PDA rule. They were giving me a hard time, but in a friendly kind of way. The way that I had expected so I joined in their laughter and kidding. Right up till I kidded them that once they were able to get a girlfriend they could enjoy the change to that rule too.

Rick told me, “Oh that was a low blow Jord… “

Tom agreed, “Yeah that was cold dude…”

I just laughed at them, but then I brought up, “Hey guys… Are you busy Saturday morning?”

They both shook their head, Rick asked, “No what’s going on?”

I told them, “You know I was helping out the girls’ softball on Saturday, right?” They both nodded, “Well something’s come up, and I was going to make a big announcement to them… I wanted you guys to be there… It’s pretty important, and I don’t want to retell this a hundred times…”

They both looked at me concerned, Rick asked, “Is everything okay? You’re not dying, are you? Dude we just got you back…”

I shook my head, “Oh god no, its nothing like that… I’m healthier than I’ve been since I was a kid. I’m fine…”

Tom looked deadly serious as he asked me, “It better not be that Sam’s pregnant…”

That caused both of us to spin and look at Tom, I was too stunned to say anything, but Rick said, “You dumbass, she can’t get pregnant!” Before he finished, Tom started laughing.

Tom snorted, “Yeah I know, but the look on your faces…”

Rick muttered, “Asshole… I thought he was serious…”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “Yeah me too… So, you two guys in for Saturday?”

They shrugged, Tom said, “Yeah I guess we can… But help with softball? It’s softball…”

I laughed, “Yeah but there’s a lot of really nice girls on the team… It might go along way to help you get a girlfriend. It might save you from getting carpel tunnel before you’re sixteen.”

Rick laughed, and Tom just looked confused, Rick said, “So if we come help out, you’re going to set us up with some of your softball friends?”

I shook my head violently, “Oh hell no, I’d never do that to them… They’re my friends… But if you did come out, it would make you look a lot better. It would give you a better chance…”

Rick thought about it for a moment and said, “Okay then… We’re in…”

It was Tom that realized what I had said, “Wait a minute… We’re your friends too…”

I laughed, “That’s why I’m helping you dorks, to try to clean up your image… The rest is going to be up to you.”

Saturday morning found me dressed and waiting for Sam to get there. I was glad she came over and helped talk me through this. Even though I was totally covered up, I knew what I what I was wearing underneath my sweatpants and my jacket. I was nervous now, but I wasn’t scared… Not really. I mean there is a certain amount of fear involved, that’s why I’m nervous, but this time its not the crippling fear I was having before Sam found out.

It was about forty minutes before we had planned to meet when Sam showed up, and quickly afterwards Brett did too. Sam had contacted him and told him what I was planning to do, and he wanted to be there also to support me. That alleviated most of my nerves but not quite all of them. After a quick check by going upstairs so Sam could confirm how my exercise outfit looked, I quickly covered back up and we headed out to Brett’s car for the ride to the softball field. The ride was fairly quiet, other than Sam and Brett reminding me they were there for me I was mostly left to my thoughts about what I was about to do.

We arrived at the practice field and found both Shelly and Rachel there getting out equipment, so all three of us gave them a hand. With five sets of hands we made pretty quick work of it. After we were done Shelly and Rachel came up and gave me a hug, while Shelly was careful to keep from squeezing my boobs, Rachel wasn’t careful, and she felt them as our breasts pressed together.

Before she could say anything, I told her, “This is what I’ve got to say this morning Rachel… Just please can we wait for everyone to get here.”

She glanced at me and Sam and then Brett who nodded. He told her, “Yeah it’s nothing you’d ever expect Rachel…”

She looked shocked, “Brett you know? How do you know?”

At Brett’s blank stare I spoke up, “He dropped Sam off at the hospital that Sunday when I was still there… He kinda saw them sticking out of the gown…”

Brett blinked and mumbled, “Yeah… That’s how I found out…”

Sam came up beside me and put her arm around me and told Rachel, “Just wait okay. It’s only a little bit longer, and we’ll explain everything.”

Rachel nodded, but kept shifting her gaze between the three of us. We tossed the ball around while we waited, Brett even grabbed a glove and joined in. We didn’t have to wait long until people started arriving. Surprisingly it was Rick and Tom that got their first, both of them had their baseball gear bags slung over their backs as they rode their bikes up to the fence. At Rachels questioning look I told her I was telling them too, and that I said they could help out with practice if you all wanted.

It only took another fifteen minutes for all the girls to arrive, and when I said all, I meant all of them. According to Sam we hadn’t had a Saturday practice yet with everyone, so this was a first. Shelly told them it was important to be here, and it was about me. The fact that they showed up and were concerned about me, most thought like everyone else, that I was sick again.

Once everyone was there and ready I started, “Everyone knows a bit of what I went through, about how sick I was a few years ago.” Heads nodded, so I continued and told them everything over the next fifteen minutes. There were looks of shock, disbelief and unfortunately, I saw the pity in more than one set of eyes. Sam heard my voice waiver and quickly stepped beside me and held my hand, glancing at her smiling face I then saw Brett standing there nodding as me. Them being there gave me the strength to finish. Once I was done I told everyone to ask what they wanted, and I’d do my best to answer.

It wasn’t surprising that most of the questions were from the girls about if I could play softball with them now. It was Shelly who spoke up and told them it wasn’t that simple. I then told them that until I could see myself as female, I couldn’t just claim I was only so I could play. I wanted to play ball, and I even wanted to play softball with them, but I had to make that decision for me… Because it was the right decision for me, and not only because I wanted to play.

The next round of questions were of disbelief, Rick and Tom were some of those voices. I was ready for that actually, I knew how hard this was to believe. I had a hard time believing it myself most days, and it was actually happening to me. Looking around at how most of the girls were dressed for today’s practice made me feel a bit better about Sam’s and my decision of how to do this. I was going to be dressed exactly like most of the girls.

I told them, “I knew you guys would find this hard to believe… Give me a second and I’ll show you.” I noticed the confused expressions of everyone, but Sam and Brett came over to shield me somewhat as I pulled my sweatpants and jacket off exposing me in my new work out gear.

Sam whispered to me, “It’ll be okay Jordan… I promise you. I love you…”

I whispered back to her, “Thank you… I love you too you know?”

She grinned and told me, “Yeah I do… So, you ready for this?”

I smirked, “No, not really… But hell, that’s never stopped me before…”

With that I turned around and Brett and Sam moved off to the side. The look of shock on everyone’s face caused my fear to spike momentarily. I had to fight the urge to flee, but I glanced at my two friends by my side and took a step forward.

I was standing there simply dressed in my sneakers, ankle socks, my spandex biking shorts, and one of my new sports bras. I was dressed exactly like eleven of the fifteen girls standing there. Everyone just stood there shocked… It seemed like forever and no one was saying anything.

I softly stated, “Guys… This is me… Please say something…”

 
 
To be continued.