Michelle Chapter 1

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This is the first story I have written in over two years. I am having difficulty breaking it down into chapters so please be patient. I guess having a heart attack and cataracts has motivated me to write again. That and the fact that I am having difficulty shaving because the guy in the mirror keeps screaming about a monster and running away every morning. Thank you.

Michelle

I got up this morning as usual dreading school. I know there are kids every where who don't fit in and are ostracized by their peers. Some want it that way and some like me want to fit in to learn how to be sociable to get along with the others however I am socially challenged to the point that speaking to my peers causes me to make statements that are totally uncool, as they say. Also I am physically uncoordinated and can't walk and chew gum as they say. I can play softball though, we will get to that later. I did trip over a gum wrapper one day and as I did a face plant into a flower pot, I could hear others around me saying “Oh how sad.” The sound in their voice was of pity, a sound I found to be the most difficult to deal with. It made me feel lonely and uncared for, whether or not that was the actual case I didn't know, but that was the feeling I got from it.

Others around me would shy away from me if I did or did something awkward. My best guess was that was why I felt lonely at the sound of pity since that was associated with them avoiding me. I found my self associating with others like me. Those who were as socially awkward as I was. My best friend was Albert a tall slender dark headed boy whose milky white skin gave him the appearance of a vampire. My other friend was Septina, Tina for short, a rather plain young lady who let her hair hang over her face in order to not be seen. I always felt she could be quite attractive with the right clothes and hair style. She wouldn't hear of it and wore loose fitting nondescript clothing and never a skirt. She always wore pants and flannel shirts making every one wonder is she was a either a lesbian or a transgender female to male. I found out she was neither although not the straightest person I know. I was a part of her bent to a degree.

Tina met me at the corner every morning to walk with me to school. En route we would meet up with Albert. He was usually upbeat and ready to tackle the day. As it was each day he would give me a tic-tac for luck. I thought it was weird but we had been doing it for about a year. He took one look at us and said. “Damn you two look morose. Are you fighting or something like that.”

“Why I figured that you would be a chatty Kathy since Everette Williams asked you out.” Albert said with a big grin.

“So that is what is going on.” I exclaimed.

“It's just a date.” Tina mumbled.

“Yeah, well so why so glum?” Albert asked.

“I'm not glum. “ Tina retorted. “It's just that Everette's cousin is in town and he wants me to find him a date so we can got together. And how did you find out about it? He just asked me yesterday.”

“I over heard him talking about it and I understand now. He has a date with what he thinks is a desperate chick who will be easy and he her to find another desperate girl to go out with his cousin. Since all of the other girls know not to go out with him.” Albert snickered.

“You are an ass you know that.” Tina spat.

“Hey I'm only telling you what I heard him say yesterday. I don't think you are desperate maybe gay but not desperate.” Albert replied and moved away from her since she was balling up her fist.
“I am not a lesbo. You blood sucking ass.” Tina screamed.

“Tina, calm down. I don't think he meant it in a mean way.” I said.

“Michelle, (Yes that is my name. My parents wanted to move to France when I was born, so they gave me a french name. Therein lies part of my despair over going to school.) He meant it the way he said it. Now that I know what Everette really wants I have to find a way out of the date.” Tina said almost sadly.

“Just tell him you aren't a sex toy and walk away.” I said.

“Hey I would appreciate it if you didn't do that since he saw me listening yesterday and told me not to tell you or he would beat the snot out of me.” Albert pleaded.

Tina rolled her eyes and said. “Great now I have to find another reason not to go out with him.”

“Just tell him that you don't want to go out with him.” I said.

“Michelle if I tell him I don't want to go with him he will figure out that it was Albert that ruined his chances and beat the snot out of Albert. Hmm that might not be all that bad.” Albert's eyes flew open and he began to shake. “No I have to come up with something else.” Tina said with an evil look in her eyes.

“Then since Albert is the cause of this he should take you to the movies instead.” I offered.

“I would do better with you. That way Everette won't beat me up for taking his date from him. Hey, why don't you take her to the movies?” Albert said.

“OK, but you are going to have to find me a bodyguard.” I said. You see I am five foot four inches and weigh one hundred pounds. I am smaller than Tina. There would be two hits in the fight, Everette would hit me and I would hit the ground, unconscious. That was something I didn't want to do. Then I saw her looking at me funny and I asked. “What?” I became worried because she has never looked at me that way.

“You know there might be a way for you to go to the movies with me and not get beat up.” She said with a rather ominous look to her.

“OK, how?”

“Let me think about this and I will see you later.” She said as she turned toward school and walked on.

I looked at Albert for answers and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked off behind Tina. I became worried because she could really come up with some hair brained ideas that usually turned out bad. Like the time she talked me into climbing up in a small tree over a bunch of blackberry briers and swing it back and forth. Things were going great until the tree snapped and we fell in the briers. With me being the first to hit and she was on top of me. She didn't get a scratch and looked like I had been in a fight with ten tigers...and lost.

I really only know Everette from a distance since he was a tenth grader and I was an eight grader. He was medium height which meant he was taller than me, muscular with a blond crew cut. He looked like a throw back to a 1950's surfer dude. He played on the school baseball team and was the star first baseman. I know that because I went to as many of the games as I could last year. I may not be the best at baseball, but I still love the game. Now on the other hand you know the one with the filed and polished nails, (Just kidding) I was pretty good at softball I even got to play one game last year for one of the girls teams when they came up short a second baseman. I wonder is baseman right or should it be base-girl? I made two outs and got on base twice. The only reason I was playing short stop because Juliet Morse started her period that day and it was worse than usual. So the girls let me put her uniform on and let me play. I remember the uniform fitting pretty well even the shoes which I liked. They had pink and blue stripes and pink laces on them. OK you can say I have a strange side, I told Tina that one day and she asked which side was that and why was it any different than any of the others. Hmmphh, she's a fine one talk, I know for a fact that she wears pretty dresses when she is at home alone. I am jealous. OK I shouldn't have said that, just forget you heard it.

Any way the day was uneventful until that afternoon. I had forgotten all about the events of this morning and was walking home when Juliet came up beside me. I melted to a sticky gooey mess right there. I couldn't speak and I tripped and almost fell over an expansion joint in the sidewalk except she caught me and kept me from falling.

“Easy there cutie.” She said and smiled at me. “Listen we need an outfielder for a Saturday afternoon game this week. All the girls would like it if you would come and play for us.”

I was hearing an invitation from an angel. The boys practically throw rocks at me to keep[ me from playing with them when I went to the baseball park. Three softball fields were there also and I usually wound up tossing a softball around with the girls. Also they didn't draw as much of a crowd but it was still fun to watch them. “Sure I would love to. Do you think the other team would object to a boy playing?”
“Hmm, you have a point. This is for the city tournament and they might not want to play if they know you are a boy. We can't afford to forfeit though.”
“Is this like a league game or something?” I asked getting curious.
“Yes it is. This is the end of our season and this game is for us to go to the playoffs next week. Now Kine Smith has quit and we need a center fielder. I don't mean to be mean, but you can pass for a girl and we know you can do it. Please.”
I said, “Yes! I would love to do it since I don't get to play otherwise, and you know I think the world of you and your team.”
“You are the best. We all appreciate the fact that you haven't missed a single one of our games this year.” She said and gave me a look that melted my heart again.
“Hey I have to support my team you know.”
“Then we are having practice this afternoon at five at the same field we normally play at.” She said.
“Great I will be there. So I need to bring anything?”
“Just glove and could you wear some girl shorts and a top?” She turned red over having to ask.
“I think I can talk Suzette into letting me borrow some. She will hold it over my head forever though.”
“Let me talk to her. I think she would be willing to help.”
“Yep we are. You already have feminine features so it shouldn't be hard and more importantly, you are a good player. Listen we all know you have trouble catching those hot pitches the boys like to throw, but you are great in softball. Not only that but you are a really good sport to do it for us.” Juliet leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “I will call your sister when I get home. See you at practice.” she said and ran into her home.
“OK bye.” I said stunned by the kiss, not to mention the invitation to play. I looked around to see if anyone was watching because no one would believe me otherwise.
When I got home Tina was waiting for me. “Hey, Tina you aren't going to believe what just happened. Juliet just asked me to play on her softball team Saturday.”
“Really, isn't it a girls softball team?”
“Yeah, but I guess they are going to let me wear a uniform. I am going to be out in the outfield so it won't matter. I to meet them at five for practice. I am so excited about this.”
“I can tell, so what time is the game?” She asked a little to innocently.
“They usually play at one. Why?”
“Well I have way out of my date with Everette. So hear me out first before you go into orbit.”
“OK go on.” I said as I opened the door and waved Tina in. I set my books on the coffee table and kept walking into the kitchen. “You want some iced Tea?”
“Sure.” Tina answered and sat down at the table. I poured her a glass of tea and sat in front of her with a bag of cookies. She took a cookie and smiled. They were her favorites “Crazy Choco” cookies.
“So anyway I told Everette to day that my cousin will be here Friday night and I have entertain her with a movie Saturday and since she isn't allowed to date yet I had to break the date.”
“OK so which cousin is coming? I asked oblivious to what was coming.
“My cousin Michelle.”
“I didn't know you had a cousin Michelle...Wait! You don't have a cousin Michelle. Are you wanting me to be your cousin?” I was forming a picture of what she wanted in my head and it didn't look good.
“No I don't but I can fix you up and no one would recognize you. You already have the most beautiful long hair and with a little padding you would look awesome.”
Fear swept over me. I wanted to do this however I didn't want to be caught. “I can't do this what if I get recognized I would never live it down.”
“Would you want to?” Tina asked as she put her hand on mine. She has the most wonderful touch that makes me warm all over. “I know that you really like to look at the pretty dresses when we go to the mall. I have seen you longing after the Lolita dresses. You want to wear them don't you? You would look so pretty in a pretty baby blue dress with crinolines and a blue sash tied in a bow in the back. You could have a pair of black patent Mary Janes that have a two inch heel.” She stopped and looked me in the eye and continued to hold my hand and stroke it with her thumb gently. I was melting, melting, melting.....
I felt like my chest had been torn open and my deepest secrets had been exposed to the world. Yes, I am a transgender boy to girl. I haven't told my parents because they had made it clear on a couple of occcassions that they didn't approve of transgender people. They believed that we were mentally ill and needed help as in being committed, locked away from the world to prevent us from tainting the rest of the world. They would use bible verses and say that it was an abomination to God. I found the last to be hippo-critical at best because they were atheist. I on the other hand believed with all my heart that God and Christ were the way and they loved me no matter what. Really it was Dad that disproved of us, he would pour his opinions out over the family and that was to be our opinions also. I have a small stash of girl things, panties, bras and hose, like every other T-girl and I live in fear of the day that I am caught. I fear the screaming and the beating even though my parents have never laid a hand on me. I fear them losing control when they learn that their precious little boy wants to be their precious little girl. Then there is the public outcry in light of the recent elections and the backlash at the LBGT community. I have no desire to be a itch that wants to be scratched. I only want to live in peace as a woman. Is that too much to ask? I looked at Tina and felt the mild burning sensation in my eyes indicating the beginning of tears. Tina stood and came around to me. She placed her arms around my neck and gently pulled me to her breast. I couldn't hold back any longer and began to openly sob.

“Sh, sh, sh, sh, don't cry you have nothing to fear from me. I am going to support you and be here for you no matter what. I have known about you for a long time now and I want you to experience what it feels like to be a girl. I love you very much, I do, so no more tears and lets talk.” Tina said gently.
“I have known about you too.” My sister Suzette said and walked over and put her arms around both of us.
I just bawled even harder with Suzette holding me also. This was more than I could handle right now. What was I to do now that my secret was out. “Please don't tell anyone.” I begged.

“Michelle we would never tell anyone unless you tell us that it was all right to do so. Now dry your eyes we have to find you something to wear to practice today.” Suzette said and pulled me to my feet.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and blew my nose on a paper napkin. “Thank you both. I love you both more than I can say.”

“We know, now let's get moving or you are going to be late.” Suzette led us up to her room. Then she turned and demanded. “Strip? The both of you.”

“Why me?” Tina asked.

“Because I am tired of the tom-boy look that you have all the time. You are going to put something else on that looks a lot better. Now strip or I will do it for you.”

“OOO. Can I help?” I asked with a lascivious grin.

“NO!” They both screamed.

“OK

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Comments

A good start

Lee's picture

A good start to this story, like to see what is next?

Lolita fashion has NO GENDER bias it is for anyone who likes to wear it male, female, young and old.

I am a male lolita.
So what is lolita fashion http://lolita-tips.tumblr.com/faq

Poor kid has problems

I sure couldn't offer any suggestions as to how to help.

Michelle

I think it is a very good start on this story. Hope you continue on with it.

Hypo parents

Jamie Lee's picture

Michelle would catch flack just because of his name, yea parental units. They were dumb naming him and are dumb using the Bible, when they don't even believe God exists, to keep Michelle from presenting as the girl he is inside. How will they feel using something they don't believe in to keep him from being who he needs to be, only to have him end it all if the desire becomes too unbearable to resist?

Maybe with Tina and his sister's help they can help keep him from any rash actions.

Won't the girls softball team forfeit their games if anyone recognizes Michelle and spill the beans? They may not consider it possible, but it only takes one person.

Others have feelings too.