Tragedy of the Spirit part 35 Old Life to new Existance

Printer-friendly version

TRAGEDY OF THE SPIRIT PART 35

OLD LIFE TO NEW EXISTANCE

 © 2008 prairie_girl_64

NOTE: This final part of a long and gruelling chapter of my life. I will continue when I find the time after my surgery in a weeks time. God Bless everyone who have read this story. I am very appreciative of this opportunity. Thank You.

One might look back and say ‘What have I truly accomplished in my life?’ I can say with honesty, a lot. Looking back over the last 44 years of my menial existence on this planet we call earth, I am drawn into thinking, ‘What have I truly accomplished with my life?’. I have I suppose accomplished a lot. For one thing I had succeeded in dealing with years of abuse from my ‘Family’, almost two years of abuse while living on the streets, failed relationships with idiots. I survived a harrowing assault and rape that almost killed me. I have spent time in institutions due to failed suicide attempts. The time I went through a nasty trial, the heartache of continued PTSD. The angst and fear of relationships, my fears of My Illness MS and my Seizures. I have dealt with these issues with not so much finesse, nor style. What can I say about my life; up til this point in time, it SUCKED. I am honest about that. I suppose it begs to answer that question. What did I accomplish? My answer is one word. A LOT. I cannot answer it any other way than that. I am a survivor to an extent. I have demons that will carry me through til I am in the ground. My strength comes from what I knew on the streets when I was 15, I grew up so quickly. I never knew what a child did, I was never a child. I was never able to enjoy the childish games we all should enjoy at young ages. I was kept as a slave and a prostitute. I survived that shit. I became resilient to everything. My trust and faith was lost. My hopes were dashed by my ‘parents’. My aspirations diminished greatly with what they did to me. I became human when I left home. I had a true friend and sister in JENN. Her strength and compassion and support got me through a lot. What can I add to this about my past? It is just that, my past, it is a reminder of what was, what happened, a synopsis of time and a reminder to me of how shit can pile up and not get cleaned up off the shovel. I am a lonely cog in the wheel of life. Life will go on for me. From here on out I have no idea where it will lead.

In 1996 I had a successful surgery to complete the job that my ‘parents’ and ‘Jason’ had done to me. My greatest achievement. To be whole, that was nice to undergo.

In 2004, I wrote an impressive report on access and transportation. I have now become a published author. I also started on my autobiography that summer. I have 38 years of journals to wade through. These are not easy to digest even now. A lot of painful memories and tears have been shed. I have only made a small dent into them. What I have accomplished with going through most is what I present here. This is only a small account of things.

In 2006, after I had been in a wheelchair for almost 10 years, I was invited to attend a revival at the request of a woman whom lived in the accessible building I now reside in. Theresa was singing that sunny Sunday morning in August. The church was full, the music was inspiring. I have never heard such melodies before. I got to wonder if this was not my new path in my life. I began to wonder if all this time I was alone, with no guardian angels looking after me that this was where I needed to belong. You have to realize I had not stepped/wheeled into a church since I was 14 that was the last time I entered a place of worship. This was a wonderful experience for me. This was where I needed to be and belong. After all was done, I was introduced to several members of the church and the two pastors. Belinda and Darryl. They welcomed me to the church with open arms. I have attended Sundays for almost two years now and I was officially baptised on September 9, 2007. A huge accomplishment for me. Something I never would have pictured 30 years previous. I still attend to this day. I have shared my story with the church on several occasions. What lies for me next? I have no clue, it is not up to me, and well I guess it is. I will make do with what I can daily and take that as it is.

I look forward to what lies ahead for me, not with any anticipation mind you. I keep saying to all those I meet, I will “Rely on my street smarts education more than I will on my book smarts, any day of the week’ that is what I think and now know has gotten me to this point in my life. I guess you have to ask yourself the question as I have done many times in the last few years. Was this a Tragedy of the Spirit? Yes it was, was anything accomplished from this? Yes there was, I am still here. I have made my life out of that tragedy. My friend at church put this on me. “I am a phoenix, whom rose from the ashes to become an inspiration.” I guess I never really thought of things in that context. She drew me a large phoenix wall hanging that I have now above my bed above my cross. I am forever grateful to Nikki for that. My life was truly a tragedy; I now believe that there was a purpose. I came out of that hell and into a life I can believe as hope. I look forward to my remaining days where there will not be so much tragedy, but bliss.

THE END (FOR NOW)

up
38 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Melissa, You Are Indeed A Pheonix

You have risen from the hell that you were put through and now you are above it. I hope that you continue to come here. You are an inspiration to all who have read your story. I am glad that your Church loves you.
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

A hope to those...

whom have suffered. I hope and pray that we can support each other. My story, although painful, I do hope it was a inspiration. We make life what is. O ave risen, not in the fashion I would have liked tho. however what was done is done. I can look foreward to my next set of adventures. Blessings.

Mellissa (prairie_girl_64)

You have taken the lemons...

and made lemonade and a lemon meringue pie.

Hello Prairie Girl, ^___^ ;-D

I have read all your chapters since you began. I have not made any comments, because I was mulling over the entire story. I am thoroughly impressed by your tenacity and determination to see something through despite the obstacles. For that I applaud you while standing on my feet. Bravo!! Encore!! You are 'standing tall' in the spirit. Be thankful for life, because life gave you a reason to live. Yes, you experienced more than we can understand ourselves in a life time. Each of us have our own unique experiences. You can help people that I can not reach. Even though I can lend a hand to open a door, you deserve the honor to have doors opened for you.

Yes, you can breathe a bit now and relax the mind. But we know that you will continue to write and to express those feelings and thoughts for us to read and hear. I hope Jason will stay away if he gets out. Because he will be in bigger trouble if he comes again. Surround yourself with friends at the church. They will be there to lend a ear and a hand when you need it.

Take care and have a great year.

Rachel

I sure hope so...

That I can and will make some strides in the future. I have no idea ,like many of , life is what we make of it. I am appreciative that yu have followed from the beginning. Thank you. I need to recoup, I have many uphill battles I feel in my lifetime that remain to climb. I thank you for the kind words and encouragement. As for Jason, He is up for his release again soon as he violated his parole once already (not with me) and well I can say I will be there to make sure that he never sees the light of day. Thanks again Rachel. I will be in touch after I have a much deserved break to heal. Blessings.

Mellissa (prairie_girl_64)

you are like a phoenix

I hope the rest of your days are filled with bliss. YOu are an inspiration.

Thank You Christine

I appreciate your words of praise and compliments. I hope to rise again (no pun intended here) after my surgery on monday. That will be the toughest battle I have to endure so far. Makes my stay in Hospital after what 'JASON' did to me feels like a picnic. Anyways, my freind, i will be in touch when I am well. Many Blessings to you.

Mellissa (prairie_girl_64)