Samantha pulled up to the grocery store. Erika ran in and went to the check out stand where they displayed the tabloids.

“Oh my God.” She said aloud. She grabbed the rag and took a closer look. Sure enough, she was wrapped up in Hunter’s bare chest and arms, kissing him. The photo had been taken with a telescopic lens and was a bit fuzzy, but you couldn’t mistake that it was her and Hunter.

She took two deep breaths to try and calm her heart and paid for the rag. She raced out and ducked into Samantha’s car.

“Well?” Samantha questioned.

Erika held out the paper so that Samantha could see the picture. “Oh my God! You and Hunter? What does it say?”

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t read it.” Erika pulled the paper back and opened it. She skimmed through it and started getting to nervous. “You read it.” She told her friend as she thrust the magazine back in her face. “I’m too much of a wreck.”

Samantha began reading.

“Well?” Erika asked.

“Hold on.”

Erika nearly started biting her nails, not that it would have done since she still had the long acrylic ones. Her phone alerted.

Tricia: Where are you and Samantha? Someone said that you drove off

Erika text her back: we had to run an errand, be back soon.

Samantha put down the rag and looked at her friend. “It says that a ‘new and upcoming model, Erika Summers’ was seen spending a day in the arms of one Hunter Allyson.” She paused and shot Erika a huge smile. “It goes on to say that you two spent the day hitting up popular L.A. landmarks and that you two were seen often in intimate positions.” She looked at Erika. “Really? You and Hunter?”

Erika groaned. “I was hoping that what happened in Hollywood would stay in Hollywood. What’s Tricia going to say? She already put up with me kissing Jake, twice.”

“It’s Hunter Allyson.” Samantha cooed. “I’d give you a pass on that. Is he a good kisser?” she went on.

Erika blushed as she nodded. “Yes.” She was remembering his lips against hers. “Way better than Jake.”

“When did you start liking guys?” Samantha queried.

“I think when I was with Hunter.” Erika’s blush deepened. “Jake is a good kisser and all, but Hunter… well he’s Hunter Allyson.”

Samantha handed the tabloid back to Erika and pulled the car out of the parking lot. “Shall we hit up fast food on the way back?”

“Yes. Though I’m not sure if I can eat anything.” Erika looked through the article. Several more pictures of her and Hunter were dotted throughout the article inside. She groaned again. “He tried so hard to keep everything on the downlow.” She stated aloud. We even hid in a cemetery to try and lose the paparazzi.”

“Seriously in a cemetery?” Samantha giggled. “We took our In-n-Out in there.”

“I’m sure you did.” Samantha cackled.

“That’s not what I meant.” Erika fumed. “the burger joint.”

Samantha bit her lip to keep from laughing further.

The girls greedily finished their fast food as they parked back in the school parking lot. Erika pulled out her phone and text Tricia: Meet us in front of the school.

“What am I going to do?” Erika asked her best friend.

Samantha shrugged. “If she hasn’t found out by now, I’m sure she will by tonight.”

“She is going to flip.”

Samantha shrugged. “I still can’t believe you were making out with Hunter Allyson. On the beach no less.”

Erika wanted to be mad at her friend but couldn’t. Her mind instead revisited the memories she stored away of Hunter.

Tricia, Krystal and Jorge stepped out of the front doors of the school as she and Samantha approached.

“What’s going on?” Tricia looked from Erika to Samantha and back to Erika.

Erika took a deep breath and handed Tricia the tabloid.

“What’s this?” Tricia asked taking it.

Erika was silent. Her heart was like a large lead fishing weight. She bit her lip as she watched Tricia’s eyes scan the picture on the front.

“Is this real?” Tricia asked.

Krystal looked from the picture up to Erika as well.

Erika nodded. “It was just a weekend thing.” She tried to explain. “He’s in Brazil for the next month and I live here. He lives in Hollywood.

Tricia tore open the tabloid to read the article. Krystal just looked wide eyed at Erika and shook her head. Jorge looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.

“You made out with him all day?” Tricia’s voice was raw with anger and hurt.

Erika didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t all day. Just here and there.

“Did you have sex with him too?” She demanded.

“Really?” Erika protested.

“I don’t know you anymore, Erika.” She began sobbing. “I can’t trust you anymore. First there was Julian, then Jake. Now, Hunter Allyson.” She turned away. She tore her pink wig off and started walking quickly down the street.

“I’m sorry,” Erika called after her. “Really, I am. Where are you going?”

“Fuck you, Erika!” Tricia swore. “I’m done! I’m fucking done.”

Erika looked at her other friends. “What do I do?” her voice cracked.

Krystal looked lost. She shrugged and took Jorge’s hand.

“I think she needs some time alone.” Samantha’s heart went out to both of her friends.

Erika just stared after Tricia as she stormed down the street. She knew that feeling. She had done it a few times herself. She betrayed one of her best friends. Her girlfriend. A friend who stood by her time and time again. Her heart felt like it was tearing in two. The look of betrayal on Tricia’s face was something she wouldn’t soon forget.

She could barely make the pink dot of Tricia out through the tears that streamed from her eyes.

“We need to get back to class.” Samantha touched her shoulder.

Erika shook her head. “I can’t.”

“We have too.” She began pulling Erika towards the building. “You have to face Taylor and the others.”

Erika pulled her arm free. “I said, I can’t.” She needed to be alone. She needed to figure out a way to fix this. Why did she ever go to Hollywood in the first place? Who was she kidding, trying to be a model. She was a small town, hick poser. A liar.

“I need to be alone.” Erika wiped tears from her face.

“But Taylor and the vandals?” Samantha persisted.

Erika whirled “I said, I need to be alone!”

Krystal and Jorge were already opening the door to the school.

Samantha threw up her arms. “Fine.”

Erika turned and stormed down the street. New tears flooded her eyes. Tears of hurt, of guilt and of fear of losing her girlfriend.

--o0o—

Erika found herself slipping into church. She was sure Father Daniel was around somewhere, but she didn’t want to necessarily see him right now. She curtsied to the cross and found a seat on a pew a third of the way in.

She was so torn. She loved Tricia, yet she loved Hunter as well. Tricia knew her secret, Hunter did not. Would Hunter cast her aside? Banish her for her trickery?
Would Tricia take her back? It was unlikely. She had been patient with the whole kissing Jake thing, the first time, her drinking was the excuse. Could she really use it as an excuse? She decided that if she hadn’t been drinking, she wouldn’t have kissed Jake. The second time she understood it was for the advertisement that she was modeling for.

Hunter was different. Hunter was because she wanted to. Call it pheromones, call it magnetism, call it whatever you want, Erika was attracted to and wanted to kiss Hunter. If she was fully a girl, she would probably have done more than kiss the Hollywood star.

Her mind went back and forth. She felt horrible for betraying Tricia. Tricia, knowing who and what she was, supported her, helped her taught her and defended her countless times and time after time, Erika betrayed her trust. That hurt, that guilt, it was unbearable. She wanted to do something drastic to stop the pain, to mask it, defer it. She didn’t know what. She wasn’t a cutter. Eric had gotten close to that last year, but Erika couldn’t. She wished Summer was alive. Summer would have been able to help out. Of course if it hadn’t been for Summer’s suicide, Eric might never had gone to Summer camp as Erika with Samantha.

“If you feel like shouting, or screaming it is okay.” A voice sounded beside her. Erika jumped and turned to see Father Daniel. “No one else is here and God won’t mind. I’ve done it plenty of times.”

“Isn’t that sacrilege?” Erika was shocked. She quickly wiped tears from her eyes.

Father Daniel shrugged. He took a seat next to her and handed her a hankerchief. “I’m the only one here who’d know. He loves you regardless.” His eyes flicked up to the alter and back.

“Does it help?” Erika questioned. She blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes, hoping that she didn’t look like a panda.

“Sometimes.” He draped an arm over the back of the pew, leaned back and balanced a knee on the edge of the pew. “You want to talk about it?”

Erika looked uncertain.

“You having a bad day? Did you fail a class? Did you bomb the volleyball tryout?

“Volleyball was in the fall.”

Father Daniel cracked a smile. “Something has you here instead of school.”

Erika took a few breaths, snuffed a stuffy nose and glanced at Father Daniel. “I betrayed my girlfriend.”

Father Daniel answered with a small sigh and a nod.

“You know Annie Wilson.”

Father Daniel nodded with a smile.

“I am like Annie.” Erika told him. “I was born a boy.” The story of her last nine months poured out of her. Her acceptance at Summer camp, her returning home, her going to school as Erika, Her relationship with Tricia, Her friends, her brain tumor, the problems and acceptance with her mother. She told of her modeling, her kisses with Jake, her weekend with Hunter and her betrayal of Tricia.

“Wow.” Father Daniel shook his head. “No wonder you’re here.”

“I don’t know how to fix this.” Erika stated. She was out of tears. Her eyes felt raw. She held out the kerchief for Father Daniel.

He waved it off. “I’ve got plenty more.” He pulled a fresh one from a hidden pocket. Father Daniel looked around the sanctuary. “You can still yell at him if you’d like.”

Erika shook her head.

“That is a lot of things to keep bottled up.” He stated. “If I were you, I’d spend some time praying for some guidance.”

“Guidance for what, though?”

Father Daniel shrugged that is between you and him.” He lifted his eyes to the heavens. He stretched and stood as a couple of people entered the church.

“That’s not a lot of help.” Erika felt lost. He was a priest, he was supposed to help guide her in the right direction, wasn’t he?

“I could lecture you and have you read bible verses, but in the end, it comes down between you and God.” He told her. “Erika you are a smart, wonderful, caring, sensitive young lady. “I’m sure you will figure this out.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “unfortunately, the time allowed for yelling has elapsed.” He looked over at the older woman making her way towards the front.

Erika sat staring at the alter for a long time after he left. Her mind was almost as numb as her eyes were sore. She flipped the kneeling pad down and slid down to her knees. She folded her hands and bowed her head and prayed for help and guidance.

--o0o—

When she left the church, she wasn’t feeling much better. There was a lot to think about and a lot to work on. She pulled her phone out and was surprised to see a bunch of text messages. Unfortunately, none were from Tricia. Not that she blamed her. Her mother left three asking where she was and if everything was alright. Several from Samantha checking in with her.

She shot off a text to Samantha letting her know that she was fine. That she was heading home. Then text her mother the same thing.

The walk home in the cold would normally have bothered Erika, but today, she needed the alone time and the walk.

“Are you alright?” her mother asked from the kitchen when she arrived.

“No. I mean yes. I guess.” Erika tore off her coat and slipped out of her boots and took a seat at the counter in the kitchen.

“A lot happened today. How did it go?” her mother began slicing veggies

“Most of my signs and even my school locker was vandalized.” Erika began. “People in the halls called my Tranny. A few had the guts to ask me personally.”

“What did you tell them?” her mother asked.

“I asked them what they thought and left it open.” Erika said. “Most I believe bought it. Then the Principal called me in and blamed the vandalism on me.”

“She did what?”

“Don’t worry, Momma. I told her to stop singling me out and find the real culprit.”

Erika’s mother looked at her in disbelief.

“I know, I can hardly believe it too.” Erika nodded. “Then I get your text. Samantha and I ran to the store at lunch and I bought that rag. It’s so invasive. Why can’t they leave people alone?”

“It sells tabloids.” Her mother stated.

“So then I had to confront Tricia about it.” Erika’s voice was starting to crack. “She broke up with me and went storming off.”

Her mother began tearing up chunks of lettuce. “It would be hard finding out someone you loved was cheating on you.”

“I know.” It came out near a whisper. “I then had to get away from school.”

“Oh? Where did you go?”

“I ended up at church.” Erika’s voice was full of puzzlement. “I had a long talk with Father Daniel.”

Her mother nodded but didn’t say anything.

“I told him… you know.”

Her mother looked at her wanting more.

“I told him about everything that has happened since last summer and with Tricia and Hunter.” She waited for her mother to say something but she remained quiet.

“He didn’t offer any advice.” She grumbled. “He just told me to pray for guidance.”

“Did you?”

Erika nodded. “I’m not sure what good it’ll do.”

“Have you tried speaking to Tricia?”

“I’ve sent her a text, but she hasn’t answered it.”

Her mother gave her a tight-lipped smile and a look of understanding as she tossed all of the ingredients in a salad bowl.

“So, yeah, today has been a pretty shitty day.” She was surprised when her mother didn’t say anything about her language. “What did Mr. Winters say?”

“Well.” Her mother began. “As the saying goes, any press is good press. He’s been swamped by people wanting to know who you are and how they can book you for photo shoots. He said that he has even been flooded with requests for you to do commercials and some television walk-ons.”

“Seriously?” Erika didn’t know if she should feel excited or doomed. “Just because of a photo of Hunter and I kissing?”

Her mother shrugged. “I don’t understand how Hollywood works.”

Just then the doorbell rang. Erika looked at her mother who just shrugged. Erika opened the door and came face to face with a giant bouquet of flowers.

“Erika Summers?” the man asked.

“Yes.”

“This delivery is for you.” He had her sign for the flowers and handed them to her.

“Thank you.” She closed the door and took the flowers in and set them on the eating counter.

“Wow.” Her mother commented.

Erika found the card and opened it.

Erika,

I am so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen.
I really hope that it doesn’t cause too much trouble for you and your girlfriend.

Hunter.

“Hunter is apologizing for the tabloid mess.” She told her mother. “When he first saw the paparazzi, we hid in a cemetery hoping we could ditch him. Obviously, it didn’t work.”

She was flattered over the flowers. If it hadn’t been for Tricia’s reaction, she would probably have been ecstatic.

“In a cemetery?” her mother questioned. “It was thoughtful of him to send you flowers.”

Erika nodded. “Should I leave them out here, or take them into my room?”

“Your choice.” Her mother opened the oven and pulled out a pan of brownies. Erika was so absorbed in dealing with her day that she failed to register the smell of something good baking in the oven.

“I don’t know what to do.” Erika whined. “Tricia won’t talk to me and she’s the one I have to get right with.”

“I’m sure she is hurting very bad right now.” Her mother offered.

“I know, but I still need to talk with her.” Erika could feel tears welling up yet again.

“Give her some time.” Her mother warned. “Then you can have a heart to heart.”

“Fine.” Erika huffed. “When is dinner?”

“When your father gets home.”

“I’m going to my room.” Erika warned and padded off to be alone with her thoughts of guilt. The flowers and note, as nice as they were, didn’t help.