Better Than The Alternative? : Chapter 4

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Jordan had been given a second chance to live after overcoming a very unique medical condition. While the procedure saves his life, the side effects that he faces are the last things a 14 year old boy would want. Convinced with what he knows lies ahead, is it better than the alternative?

Better Than The Alternative?
Chapter 4

By Rebecca Jane
Copyright© 2018 Rebecca Jane
All Rights Reserved.


Author's Note: This is still going strong, I want to thank you all for your kind comments, and all of your observations. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. {hugs} ~Rebecca


 
 
Chapter 4

 

I woke the next morning feeling drained, well mentally and emotionally at least. I was physically rested, and other than my muscles being slightly tender from my exertion the day before, I physically felt good. It didn’t take me too long until I met my parent’s downstairs at the breakfast table, both eyed me carefully when I sat down with my bowl of cereal. It was almost as if they thought I was going to break or something.

“How are you doing this morning sport?”, Dad asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m doing okay, I guess…”

“Well you’re Mother said you had a pretty rough night…”, he stated.

“Yeah… I guess.”, I muttered noncommittally between bites of cereal and soy milk… Yeah, just something else to cause the ‘girls’ to grow…Yay! I’m shoveling cereal as fast as I can, figure the faster I eat, the faster I get out of the twenty questions… The last thing I want to talk about are my feelings, especially about my feelings last night. I still was having a hard time believing I had that big of a meltdown… I knew this shit was going to happen, I still didn’t know why I let it get to me like it did.

“Honey, we’re just worried… I’m making a phone call to Dr. Byrnes… Do you want it to be for today? Or Saturday morning?”, Mom asked me.

“How about not at all… I’m okay, I don’t need to ‘talk’ right now…”, I tell her, desperately not wanting to talk to him at all.

“After last night, that’s not an option. You seem to be doing okay right now… I don’t want to pull you out of school on your second day, but I’m calling the school though.”, she told me, I guess what I wanted really didn’t matter. It’s not like I’ve been able to make many choices lately.

“Okay, okay… Schedule it for Saturday, but please don’t call the school. Please?”, it sounds like I’m back to begging and whining. Hey whatever puts the meeting with him as far away as possible from right n.

She squints her eyes while staring at me, maybe trying to look meaner, “Fine… I’m tempted to call them anyway after you got hurt in P.E.”

“Mom no! You promised to let me have that for as long as I could… It was a senior being a jerk, its no big deal.”, I almost snapped, but pulled back my anger so I didn’t get in trouble… Well too much at least. I know my days of feeling ‘normal’ are numbered, but I needed as many days of ‘normalcy’ that I could get before it gets… Well before it’s no longer normal anymore…

“Dear, we both promised him he could do P.E. As long as he doesn’t get more than a few bumps and bruises, so he’s staying as long as he’s comfortable.”, Dad said in a tone that no one ever argues with.

Mom just sat there in a huff after that, I had to resist the urge to give Dad a high-five. I really wanted to though, after all they both promised me it was my choice… I had finished my breakfast and was rinsing out my bowl when the doorbell rang. Mom was the first towards the door, so I started to get my backpack ready. I had barely zipped it up, when I heard Sam’s voice.

“Morning Mrs. T., Is Jordie ready?”

“Morning dear, its good to see you.”, Mom told her as I stuck my head around the corner.

“Yeah, I’m almost ready. what are you doing here this morning?”, I asked her. She then held out a big sports bag.

“I thought we would walk to school together, and then this afternoon I was going to hold you to your offer.”, She told me with a grin and a small laugh.

Her laugh immediately pulled a chuckle from me, it was amazing how quickly my mood shifted. I told her, “Well you can’t argue with a sign from God, right?” That earned a good laugh from both of us, while Mom just rolled her eyes as if to say, ‘oh great, this again’.

Dad then came around the corner, “Hi Samantha. It’s been way too long.”

Sam looked hesitant for a split second, but Dad didn’t give her much of a chance before he came and gave her a hug. She quickly returned it, “Thanks Mr. T., hopefully you’ll be seeing me more, unless Jordie gets fed up with me.”

I laugh again and tell her, “Doubt that’s going to happen.” Holding up my backpack I ask, “ready?”

We had barely made it out of sight of the house when she stopped and ordered, “Okay, hand it over.”

I looked at her, I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about. Then she pointed at my backpack. I immediately fussed, “Sam, no. I can carry my own backpack.”

She shook her head no, and said, “Non-negotiable Jordie. I promised you I’d help, but I’m not going to let you hurt yourself. So, hand it over. I’ll give it back before we get in sight of the school.”

I fussed and complained, and then fussed some more. I didn’t want her toting my shit for me… I still unslung the pack off my shoulder and handed it to her though. At least she knew I was being forced, as if it mattered. She just smirked as she took the pack, then tested its weight in one hand and her books in the other she nodded as she handed me her things. Before we started walking though, she unzipped my pack and took one of the smaller text books out and added it to the ones I was now carrying.

“There, that should be a good weight to start off with this morning.”, she told me, slinging my backpack over her shoulder. I really wanted to be mad at her, I just couldn’t though. I knew she was simply trying to help. I still glared at her as menacingly as my five-foot four frame could though. I quickly pulled the books up and held them against my breasts as we started walking. I logically knew they weren’t really noticeable, but after last night I was extremely self-conscious of them and wanted to make sure they stayed hidden.

Noticing that she was giving me an odd look, I ask, “What?”

She quickly looked forward, and said, “Nothing… I was just wondering after last night how you were doing today. You seem to be doing a lot better…”

Nodding I grumbled, “Yeah I am… Other than not being able to tote my own backpack that is…” She just laughed, which made me smile back… I don’t know why, I just couldn’t help it. I added, “Every now and then I get overwhelmed with everything… I’m sorry you saw that…”

She got fairly serious and said, “Jordan, I’m not… You’re my friend, and that’s not just when everything is going great okay… Nobody can be strong all the time… That even includes you… Besides, I’ll let you in on a little secret… Yesterday, with it being ‘my’ first day in school, I was totally overwhelmed, I felt close to breaking down a few times.”

I looked at her in surprise, I saw her yesterday and she had seemed pretty calm. I asked, “So how’d you deal with it?”

She looked back at me and smiled softly, “At first it was pretty hard to deal with, because I was alone most of the day…Nobody wanted to sit by me or talk to me…And the stares people gave me… Then I found a good friend that I had thought I’d lost… He made all the difference…”

At that moment I felt myself start to get choked up just a little. I remembered how it felt to be alone when people quit coming to visit…Even thought I told them to stop coming by… Sam was still healthy, and even though she might look different, she was still Sam. And in my opinion Sam was pretty damn cool. That pissed me off that they would treat her like that, so I tell her, “I’m glad I was there then. Besides… It’s their loss if you ask me.”

“Thanks, Jordie… That means a lot.”, she said, giving me a genuine smile. She thought for a moment, “I was going to hold on to it a bit longer, but ready to get your backpack back? We’re almost there, and you haven’t need to rest yet…”

It was then I noticed where we were, I had honestly thought I would have needed a break by now, even with Sam carrying most of the stuff. Nodding I tell her, “Yeah I don’t really feel that tired, so I think I’m good to go.”

It took us less than a minute to swap our things back around, and then we finished the last few blocks with both of us lost in thought. Right before we were going to separate to go to our respective home rooms, I told her, “You try and have a good day okay… Don’t let the assholes get to you.” We had compared our schedules, the only class we shared was science on our “A” days, since today was a “B” day we didn’t share any classes.

Bumping my shoulder with hers, she smiled, “Thanks Jordan, you too okay. See ya this afternoon for the walk home.”

“I’ll be here.”, I promised her as I turned towards my home room.

I had no sooner sat down in my chair and said hi to Teddy, when Coach Bowen told me to go to Principal Miller’s office. He only said that he needed to see me. Most of the classroom was laughing, because this usually only happened when people were in trouble. This was only the second day, so I haven’t had enough time to get into trouble… Yet. My imagination started running wild… From what my parents had told me that Mr. Miller had been informed of what was going on with me, and that most of the teachers would know as well. Only so they could keep an eye on me. I sighed inwardly, this must have something to do with the dodgeball incident yesterday. As soon as I walked into the office I was told to go directly to Mr. Millers office.

I found his door open and as I knocked on the open door, he looked up and said, “Please come in Mr. Taylor, could you close the door and then have a seat?”

I did as was asked, and once I sat down I asked, “Am I in trouble for something? I don’t remember doing anything I wasn’t supposed to…”

He looked surprised as my question, then he softly chuckled, “Oh no Mr. Taylor, you’re fine. I actually needed to talk to you about something. Something pretty important.

I inwardly groaned, my fear started to set in. This just didn’t sound good. I meekly say, “Okay… But, uhh… Mr. Miller could you just call me Jordan… Calling me Mr. Taylor makes me feel like my Dad is in here…”

Mr. Miller chuckled, “Okay Jordan. I wanted to first let you know, that the teachers here, myself included, pride ourselves in the safety of our students. Especially those students who face… Let’s say they face unique circumstances.” I gulp, knowing now that he’s talking about me, but he continues, “All our teachers are instructed to keep an eye out on those students, a bit more than the others. Well yesterday I got a report from one of my teachers about something that happened. Now I’ve already called your parents and...”

I interrupted, “Sir, if this is about what happened in dodgeball yesterday, it was just a hard hit. I’m okay its no big deal.”

Confused, he responded, “Excuse me? What happened in dodgeball?”

Now I was the confused one, “Wait… This wasn’t about me getting hurt in dodgeball?”

“What? No, it wasn’t. What happened in dodgeball? More importantly how bad did you get hurt?”

Now I was totally confused if this wasn’t about me, but unfortunately, I’ve now made it about me. Sighing, I said, “Mr. Miller… Nothing happened, other than one of the seniors beaned me pretty hard… It just hurt more than it should have…” I self consciously rubbed where I had been hit, it was still a bit tender.

His eyes widened just a bit, “Oh… I take it that…” He looked like he didn’t know how to say it, so I decided to let him off the hook. After all I knew that the school had been informed of the procedure, and medication that had saved my life. They also knew what changes the meds would likely cause.

I muttered, “Yeah… They’re growing… But not enough to be noticeable yet… I can still stay in P.E…”

He nodded, “You were afraid about being pulled out of P.E. weren’t you?” At my nod, he continued, “While I have your waiver ready, its up to you to decide when you’re ready for it to be put into your file. Or if it becomes too noticeable, but I trust you’ll come to me voluntarily before that happens.”

I nod and ask, “Yes sir… If this isn’t about me, then why am I here?”

He smiled gently at me and told me, “Well you’re actually here because of Samantha Wilkins. We’ve been concerned how students would accept her here, and while I haven’t heard any reports of any harassment, it seems that students are avoiding her. We can’t do anything about that… I did get a report from Mr. Reeves though about something that happened yesterday afternoon.”

Trying to remember if anyone had upset her, I told him, “I was in his class, I didn’t see anyone harass her or anything. I’d have said something if they did.”

He chuckled, “I know that Jordan, and from talking to your parents I now know you would have said something had someone harassed her. It seems your parents feel you have an overdeveloped sense of right and wrong and that its gotten you in trouble a few times.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know about trouble… I might have bitten off more than I could chew a few times… I just can’t help it… So, what happened to Sam that I didn’t know about in Mr. Reeves class?”

“Well Jordan, what happened was a good thing. It seems that all of Miss Wilkins former friends have been avoiding her… Being alone is never a good thing for someone your age, especially when someone has the challenges that she is already facing. Mr. Reeves told me about how you interacted with her. When I had my idea, I called both of your parents first to talk with them. They both informed me that you had been friends for a long time and were pleased that you still seemed to be friends.”

“Well, yeah… Sam and I had always been friends… While I was always friends with my other teammates, Sam was closer to being my best friend than anyone else.”, I told him. I just now realized something about our friendship. Sam had always been so focused, and intense. I could tell now that she had been overly masculine around our other friends. Not when it was just us though, I thought since I had always been so much smaller than everyone she didn’t have to try to overcompensate with me… I snapped back to give Mr. Miller my attention and asked, “Look, I’m not going to abandon Sam if that’s what you’re worried about. She is still my best friend.”

He smiled at me, “I wasn’t worried about that Jordan, I was going to ask you a favor. One I’ve already cleared with your family, that is if you’re okay with it.”

I raised my eyebrows slightly, anytime I heard the word favor there usually wasn’t anything good in it for me. I asked, “Umm what kind of favor?”

He sighed, “Well Jordan… Like I said earlier, it seems that she only has one person that isn’t avoiding her. We checked and had hoped that your schedules would overlap more than your science class. I was wanting to know if we moved a few things around in your schedule, only your “B” days though, if you would be okay with that happening.”

“No, I don’t mind at all… What are you going to move around?”, I ask.

He looked slightly relieved as he told me what they were wanting to do. Other than moving me to a different lunch period it was no big deal, two of my classes were only a single semester and next semester those would change. By moving those around and my study hall it would put me in every class with Sam, except for my study hall. The later lunch kind of sucked, but then again, I’d get to eat with Sam at least.

“What do I have to do to swap everything?”, I asked.

He told me, “Since today is the first “B” day, nothing other than agreeing to the change. I take it you don’t mind this?”

“Not at all, Sam’s a good person so if moving my schedule around can help her, it’s the least I can do.” I tell him.

Mr. Miller punches the keys on his computer for a few moments and then says, “Okay Jordan, it’s done. Just pick your new “B” schedule up outside. I’ll send the message to your teachers today.” He then stood up and shook my hand, as I started to open the door, he added, “Jordan… This isn’t only to help Sam you know… We know what it is that you and your family are expecting to happen… I think this might help you as well.”

I nodded, “I kinda figured that sir… The reason I’m doing it though is to help Sam…”

He nodded, and as I was walking out the door, he said, “Jordan… Anytime you need to talk, my door is always open for my students. You know that don’t you?” I just nodded, damn emotions had me scared to say anything, and then closed the door. I grabbed my new schedule and headed to my first class.

As I walked into my U.S. History class, I noticed it was almost an exact repeat of yesterdays Science class. Sam was sitting on the far-left side of the class and all but the seat directly in front of her was empty. Realizing now what the people were doing to her just infuriated me. She was engrossed with playing with her phone, I guess in an effort to ignore those ignoring her… She apparently didn’t see me walk up to the seat next to her.

“Hey, is someone sitting here?”, I asked her.

She looked up and it took her about a second and a half for her to register that it was me, her face brightened immediately, “Jordie! What are you doing here? I thought you had Health class this period.”

That weird warm feeling passed through me for a split-second seeing how quickly she brightened up, trying to hide it I just smiled and shrugged, “I got sent to the Principals office first thing… He told me that I had a class reschedule… So, I’m here.”

She looked at me like she didn’t believe me, “Are you sure that’s what really happened?”

I grinned and shrugged, “Mostly.” I then handed her the folded paper with my new schedule for today.

She quickly read over it, “You’re in all my classes but P.E… Jordan what really happened?”

She was looking like she might be upset, so I told her, “Mr. Miller told me how people had been avoiding you… Then Mr. Reeves told him yesterday about us hitting it off… Mr. Miller called our parents and talked to them. They thought it would be best if I changed around my classes for my “B” days…”

She peered at me and asked, “They did this and didn’t even ask you? I’m glad you’re here, but they should have run it by you first…”

I chuckled, “He got the schedule figured out… He said it was me if I wanted to do it though.”

Her face softened, “Oh… So, I take it you said yes?”

I told her smiling softly, “Without any hesitation…”

For a moment I thought she looked like she was going to cry, she looked away for a moment and took a few deep breaths. She turned back to me looking really relieved, “Thank you Jordan…”

I grinned, “Remember? Non-shitty friends…” That got her to laugh and she just nodded and smiled back at me.

Shortly after that Mrs. Tate started the class, and well it was U.S. History… Mrs. Tate was a sweet old lady, but she looked like she had witnessed most of what she was teaching, and she was dry and extremely boring. I did manage to stay awake, well mostly…

While we were getting our things together after the end of class, Sam looked over me and said, “Jordie, I’m really dreading my next class… I’m wondering if I should see if I can drop it altogether…”

I knew that her next class was P.E., and that she was going to be going to the girl’s class. I tried to reassure her, “It’ll be okay Sam… You can’t let people get to you okay cause you’re different. It couldn’t be that much worse that being the midget in my class. I know its really different, but still. You can do this.”

She sighed, “Okay… I’ll try… I wish though I was as strong as you are.”

I laughed, “So says the girl that’s been carrying my stuff for me…”

She laughed pretty hard and gave me a soft shove, “You dork, you know what I mean… Thanks Jordie… Seeya at lunch?” As I nodded she stepped closer and gave me a quick hug, and a soft kiss on the cheek. My entire body immediately felt flushed again, and as she let go of me I noticed some of the students staring at me oddly. I just glared at them until they got uncomfortable and turned away, then grabbed my stuff so I could go to study hall.

As I was walking, my thoughts started drifting towards Sam and what she might be facing in the girls P.E. I had no idea how the students might treat her when she was by herself, and I found myself wishing I could have gone to her class with her. Only so I could support her and be there for her. Being in a girl’s only class is the last thing I would ever want. Hell, if my body changes like I’m afraid it will, I might be forced to attend class with her before the semester is over. I pictured that I might end up looking like a smaller and younger version of my mom. How would I ever handle looking like that… But then I started picturing that girl in class and joking around with Sam. Maybe if Sam could stay best friends with that girl it might not be so terrible. At that moment I caught myself unconsciously smiling… As I dropped into my seat in class I groaned. That thought should be terrifying me more than it did. The fact that it didn’t, is what truly scared me.

 
 
To be continued.
 

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Comments

This Story!

Enemyoffun's picture

This story keeps getting better and better, I can't wait for the next chapter!

Don't Think So

Teek's picture

From what I have read, Jordie knows he will be a girl soon, whether she likes it or not. The problem is that Jordie doesn't like it, and wants to delay facing the reality. When I was sick as a kid, I would have given anything to be viewed as "normal" again. Jordie has been close to death, and facing death as a child (or probably any age, but I have only really done it as a child) causes you to change your priorities and perspective on life. I lived life in the moment. There was no future, for as far as I knew, I would be dead tomorrow. As my sickness progressed for months and years, I dreamed of rejoining life where I left off. Jordie has been given a second chance at life. She, woops, sorry, He wants to have that one last chance to be with his friends again and have everything the way it was before getting sick. His life is coming to an end, as she takes over his body. Jordie has accepted this fact, regrettably. Knowing and accepting the facts, is much different from embracing them. Time will force the issue. Jordie is also learning that it is impossible to just pick up life where you left it. Jordie may have been frozen in time, but the rest of the world was not.

The only real question is how much Sam will figure it out before Jordie tells her.

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Better Than The Alternative? : Chapter 4

If I said it once I've said it a hundred times--- Rebecca Jane can write, and I love this story and all of it's characters. Can't wait for more. Thank you so much Rebecca.

Willow

Willow

The question in my mind...

Is which way will Jordan turn to after becoming a girl? The newly minted girl going after a boy right away seems so false for me and tiresome. It would be really surprising if she still liked girls and wanted to be with one (something she and guys would still have in common! :) )

The exploration and development of Jordan's feelings and who she wants to be with will be the meat of the story for me. And so far Rebecca, you have not disappointed me! Which way she decides is still in question, but even if you decide to go the former route, I would love to see Jordan trying the less tried path and see her reasons validated for why she wouldn't like being with a girl, to justify wanting to be hetero and going with a boy.

The psychology of Jordan so far points to him being scared of boys larger than himself, and if they prove to be jerks, will add more to the fear. As she develops and realizes that she is and will be different from boys, I have sort of felt out that Jordan might dare to be different and go lesbian. Just the way the story struck me, is all.

Even though one of the boys (Teddy) somewhat cares, overall, she is more comfortable around Sam. Sort of a mix of both in the sense of old and new that adds to their friendship.

Sephrena

Living as a woman

I can think of more than one author whose protagonist lived as a woman with no surgery or hormones.

take yourtime

you commented about trying to keep chapters coming. Normally, I would be most happy with that as I sometimes have to go back and re-read prior chapters to refresh my memory. This story will not be a problem that way. It is so powerfully written with a good helping of character development, I'll have no problem remembering it regardless of your time between chapters. A masterpiece in the making, don't let the hammer and chisel slip rushing to keep the chapters together.
But I will be waiting for your next gift. Thank you.

The way you tell the story

Monique S's picture

leads me to believe, that Jordie really is scared more of her own feelings than anything else. The old "boys don't cry" sickness. Where did she pick that up? Her father surely doesn't seem too much of that type, his acceptance of Samantha, even if it may be based solely on the thought she might be good for his own daughter, makes him a good character.
Were it the class- and and sports mates, whom he took for an example? Then it shouldn't take him so long to find out that those jerks should not really be role models by watching their behaviour towards Samantha. But the fear of being emotional seems to sit so deep.

And what about that wanting to be normal? He never was, was he? He always wanted to belong where he didn't. Why? I can see no rhyme or reason there. I can see the need of wanting to be accepted, but unfortunately he always ignored his physical circumstances.

His parents should have helped him more to accept himself as is. But then, since he doesn't really share anything about his feelings, how should they have known? I hope his therapist will manage to make her understand, that her predicament still is what is was, denying physical reality and perfectly home made.

Monique S

*

Thank you for a nice story.

T

Been thinking

I caught this chapter late last night and have been thinking about it since.

The way Jordan seems to be going worries me. He is showing what might be considered a classic avoidance syndrome to his situation. Intellectually he seems to understand what has happened to save his life, but emotionally he is very obviously clinging to his pre-supposed image of what a guy is supposed to be and ignoring what is now occurring with his body as much as possible. The changes that he just can't ignore are becoming the cracks in his "male" ego that is going to eventually break and shatter if he keeps up this way. There is going to be a very large breakdown coming if I am right.

- Leona

Worth waiting for

Ok... I'm all caught up and on the edge of my seat waiting for more.
As eager as I am though, I'm happy waiting as long as it takes for you to write more of this kind of high quality stuff :-)

Another Excellent Chapter

Becca.

It is good to see the school takes looking after their students on a serious note and not just hearsay.

Jordie and Sam`s friendship goes beyond Gender they both look past the body and see the person as a whole.

Well done.

Sam.

SamanthaAnn

High school is like a battlefield

So happy that Sam and Jordie are in the same classes. One smart principal. Got to say that this is a story that keeps getting better with each posting. I'm hooked.

Your fan,

Santacruzman

A bit stronger

Jamie Lee's picture

Last chapter Jordan had to take a break to and from school, even with Sam carring his books home. In this chapter they made it to school without Jordan needing a break.

He didn't need a break that time because Sam wouldn't let him over do it as he had been doing. Jordan is in too much of a hurry to get his stamina back and as much strength as he can. But his rushing is not building him up but taxing his body more.

Sam now has him going slower just by taking his backpack and giving him her books. And she doesn't take no for an answer. Friends can get each other to do things parents can't.

Others have feelings too.

wow

it's pretty obvious why you've gotten so much attention with this story; it can't be any sweeter. and with this world, everyone needs a little bit of sugar. thanks