I watched as the man got out of his car, remove a suitcase from his trunk, and walk into the church. I had a bad feeling about this guy. And, Ralph had gotten out of our car saying, “You three wait here, and I’ll be back.”

We watched as Ralph followed the guy into the church.

Amy then asked, “What were you feeling?”

“It was almost like what I felt with Ralph when I first met him. There was something, but it was different in some way.”

“So you’re concerned about that guy that Ralph followed into the church.”, Patty asked.

“Yeah. It may be nothing. But then … “

About fifteen minutes after Ralph had walked into the church, he walked back out to the car. He got in, turned so that he could see all three of us, and said, “I don’t think that there is a problem with this guy. He’s a professor at a university that is about sixty mile northeast of here and heard about our support group, gave us a look, liked us, and drives over to our meetings. He’s been a member for a few months.”

“No support group over his way?”, I asked.

“No. We’re a scarce commodity. With the way a lot of people feel about our lifestyle, people are afraid. But we have a membership committee and handle questions very confidentially. Someone that wants to join us has to fill out a questionnaire, and then meet with a couple of the members of the membership committee, then they can come to a meeting and see if it’s what they want to join us.”

“Amy and I aren’t members.”

“Members can bring guests. Besides with what I know about you, I have no problem with you knowing about us.”

“You seem to know a lot about the membership stuff?”

“I’m the membership chairman.”

“I see.”

“So you coming in?”

“Where here. And sorry for the false alarm.”

“That’s okay. I prefer to have you feel safe.”

Ralph got out of the car and retrieved a suitcase from the trunk. Patty, Amy and I got out of the car, and the four of us walked towards the church. As we walked, Patty said, “All of these people are very nice, and most like you are private. Some may be more private than you are.”

“I think I’ve lost my fight to keep Tammy private.”, I said. “Especially after the seminar.”

“True.”, Amy said. “But I still don’t think most people can put your female side and male side together.”

“If they can.”, Patty said. “They're clairvoyant.”

Ralph went to change, and Patty, Amy, and I went to the community room. Outside the door, we filled out a name tag with only our first name on it. We found out that they only use first names at meetings.

Then we walked into the room, and I saw Helen, my hairdresser, so I assumed her husband was also here. She didn’t see us right away as she was talking with others. I looked around the room, and it was interesting seeing how people were dressed. There were some that I had to take a real close look at to see if they were a girl or a guy dressed as a girl. Others there were no doubt that they were guys. But they were just like me, and they were who they felt they are. And I had no problem with it.

Helen finally spotted us. At first, there was a puzzled look on her face, but that quickly changed to a smile. She said something to who she was talking to and walked over to us. As she walked up, she gave me a big hug and said, “Tammy. What a nice surprise seeing you and Amy here.”

“Hi, Helen.”, I said. “It’s great seeing you too.”

Then Helen hugged Amy. And said, “So what brought you two here tonight?”

“Not what, but who.”, I replied.

“Okay, who brought you?”

“Our friends Patty and Ralph.”

Looking at Patty, Helen said, “Patty. You know these two?”

“Yes.”, Patty said. “I worked with Amy at the hospital and met Tom and Kai when we ran into them in New Mexico last summer. And we just met Tammy tonight.”

“Unbelievable isn’t she?”

“No more than Kai was. It took me some time to accept that there was really a guy under that pretty girl. Just like tonight. It’s hard for me to accept that Tammy isn’t a real girl.”

“I’ve never met Kai, but I’ve seen her pictures. And I have to agree with you. Tom makes an amazing looking girl.”

Just then Ralph or Rhonda walked up to us, and said, “Tammy, I see you’ve met Helen.”

“I’ve known Helen for a long time.”, I said. “She takes care of my hair, both my real hair and my wig.”

“Well good. You have more friends here.”

To be honest Ralph/Rhonda was correct when he’d told us about his cross-dressing and said that being six-two and built like a football player made it tough to look like a girl. He did look like a six-two football player in a dress. But it was a very nice dress. He didn’t wear heels. His wig was very nice. And he didn’t go overboard on makeup or jewelry.

The meeting was just about to start, so we sat with Patty, Ralph/Rhonda, and Helen. I whispered to Helen, “Where’s your husband?”

She whispered back, “Home recuperating from gallbladder surgery.”

“Tell him that I said to get well.”

“I will. But he’s going to be unhappy that he missed you.”

The meeting started with a short business meeting, and then they asked if there were any new members. Ralph/Rhonda stood up and introduced two new members. Then they asked if there were any guests, again Ralph/Rhonda stood up, and said, “Yes. We do have two guests with us tonight.”

Looking at us, Rhonda said, “Would you two please stand.”

Amy and I stood. And Rhonda continued with, “I met these two while on vacation this summer in New Mexico and found that they lived close to here, and I finally talked them into attending a meeting. So, I’d like you to meet Amy and Tammy.”

There was applause. Rhonda sat down, and so did Amy and I.

Then they had an excellent discussion, led by a lawyer, on the legalities of being a cross-dresser, which was very interesting and a little troubling. Followed by a nice fellowship time with refreshments.

During the fellowship time, Amy and I had some people come up and talk to us. And the biggest surprise they had was when we told them that one of was really a guy and that we were married. And we never told them which of us was the guy.

At one point a good looking older woman, maybe 50 or so, walked up to us wearing a name tag that said, ‘Claire.’ I’ve seen her somewhere before. But where? She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Hello young lady.”

That voice. I took a harder look, then said, “Dr. … Dr. Whitmeyer?”

“Yes, young lady. And by your name tag, you’re Tammy?”

“Yes. … Yes. Tammy. What are you doing here?”

“The same thing you’re doing, attending a support meeting.”

“But … But, at the seminar, you attacked a paper that supported this lifestyle.”

“The attack was more, and incorrectly so, on the author and part of the subject. You pointed out my mistakes in a way that I couldn’t miss. And you were correct. It was a mistake. A terrible mistake. And I still feel bad about it.

“I’ve been a part of this lifestyle for more years than I care to think about. And I should have know better. But I had some people, that I trusted and no longer trust, come to me complaining about the author, Mr. Thomas, being an undergraduate student and some of the content of the paper. And I, like an old fool, took their word for it without checking on it myself.

“After the way you politely showed me that I was an old fool, I looked into the paper and the content and found that I’d made a terrible mistake.

“I corrected part of that, that day when I apologized to Dr. Grunewald and Mr. Thomas in front of everyone. And that was hard for me to do.

“The other part you told me about I’m working on. And I’d like to talk to someone in the know on the subject of the half-woman half-man people that the native people believe in. And I haven’t found anyone.”

“I’m glad to hear that Dr. Whitmeyer. Oh. I should call you Claire. I have to apologize to you for standing up in that seminar and chastising you as I did. But I was so angry that I just had to say something.”

“Please don’t apologize. I had it coming. And it was easier to take from such a charming young lady like you than from anyone else.”

“You do know that I’m not a young lady. Don’t you?”

“Yes. You were very clear about it that day. And it was unbelievable. But you were still charming.”

“Thank you, sir. And I may know someone for you to talk to, but they’re in New Mexico.”

“No one closer?”

“No. Not that I know of.”

“I was thinking of you.”

“Sir. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I’ve only known about the half-woman half-man people for a short time and am still learning. I just don’t think I’d have all the answers to your questions. And I wouldn’t want to give you incorrect information.”

“At least you’re honest.”

“Give me your phone number, and I’ll see if my friend in New Mexico would be willing to talk with you.”

As Dr. Whitmeyer handed me a business card, he said, “I’d even be willing to go out there and meet with them. In fact, I’d prefer that.”

I looked at him and said, “Really?”

“Yes. I want to do this right.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you. That would be very nice.”, and Dr. Whitmeyer or Claire walked away.

I looked at his/her business card and noticed that he was the head of the psychology department at a university northeast of here. I showed it to Amy, and she said, “This is interesting.”

“I thought so too.”, I replied.

“Didn’t Ralph say that the guy that you had a feeling about was from a university northeast of here?”

“Yeah. … I wonder.”

“Did you feel anything while you were talking to him?”

“It was almost like when I met Ralph. A confusion of feelings.”

“Were there too many people here and you were feeling things from everyone?”

“No. I was close to him. So it was fine.”

Amy and I talked to some more people, then Ralph/Rhonda walked up to us, and asked, “So what do you think of our little group?”

“It’s interesting.”, I replied. “There appears to be a real mix of people here.”

“Yes. Everything from the man on the street to academic types.”

“Speaking of academic types. We met Claire.”

“I figured that you would. Claire was the one that worried you when you saw her walk in.”

“I know we had a nice talk.”

“I thought that you might.”

“Did you know that she was the one that attacked my friend and his paper during the seminar that we attended?”

“No! Was everything all right?”

“Yes. Claire even asked if I knew someone that was a two spirit person that would talk to him. He was hoping that I would.”

“Will you?”

“No. I don’t feel that I know enough about it yet to provide him with the information that he’s looking for. I did tell him that I knew of someone that might be able to help him. But he’s going to have to go to New Mexico.”

“You know. He did tell me that he was going to be on sabbatical starting spring quarter and going through the summer. And that he was thinking of going west.”

“Oh.”

“Something wrong?”

“He never mentioned anything to me about that.”

“It may have slipped his mind.”

“Maybe.”

Just then Claire walked past us, and I said, “Oh. Claire. Do you have a minute?”

She looked, and said, “For you. Yes.”

She walked over to us and said hello to Rhonda. Then said, “What can I do for you, Tammy?”

“I understand that you’re going on sabbatical. And maybe going out west. That true?”

“Yes. Why?”

“You never mentioned anything to me when we were talking about speaking with someone about two spirit people. You said that you’d be willing to go out, but not that you were going.”

“I’m sorry. I should have. I was more interested in seeing and talking with you and seeing if you’d talk to me about two spirit people.”

“I see.”

“Will you still see if your friend will talk to me?”

“Of course. If he’s willing, I’ll let him contact you. And you and he can make the arraignments.”

“That sounds good. I’ve got to get going. I’ve got a two-hour drive back home.”

“Safe trip professor.”

“Tammy, it’s been a pleasure meeting you under better circumstances.”

“You too professor.”

We shook hands, and the professor walked out of the room. Amy looked at me and asked, “How do you feel about him? Was he honest with you?”

“I still don’t like him for the way he attacked Larry and Dr. Grunewald.”, I said. “But as far as him wanting to talk to someone about two spirit people. I’m fine with that.”

“You can sense things like that?”, Patty asked.

“Most of the time.”

“Like with your Dad?”

“I still don’t know what made me ask him if he wasn’t feeling all right. Maybe I need to talk to Naainish too.”

On the way back to my parent's house, Rhonda who was now back to being Ralph asked, “So, Tammy how did you like our little group?”

“It was interesting.”, I replied. “A real mix of people.”

“Yeah. There is. From professors to college students to plumbers, a doctor, and even a police officer.”

“That’s interesting.”, Amy said. “A police officer.”

“Yes. He’s a really nice guy. And has helped with a lot of things. Can’t talk you two into joining us. Can I?”, Ralph asked.

I thought for a minute, then said, “I don’t know. I really don’t think I need any support.”

“I knew you’d say that. But you could provide a lot of support to others.”

“Something like a mentor.”

“Something like that. We have some people who meet with new members or current members, and help them with problems in their cross-dressing.”

“I don’t know if I could help with that. I’m who my spirits want me to be. So I don’t know if I’d be much help.”

“I think you could be a help just by listening. That’s all some people need. Someone to listen to them. So think about it. And maybe sit in on a session with me and see what it’s like.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”

It was about ten when Ralph and Patty dropped us off at my parent’s house. As we walked into the kitchen, my mother was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, and she was looking sad.

“Mom.”, I asked. “Is something wrong?”

Mom said, “Kids sit down.”

Amy and I looked at each other like we knew what it might be. We sat and just looked at my mother. She finally said, “Kids. I just got off the phone with your Aunt Ruth.”

“Mom.”, I asked. “Is grandma all right!?”

“Honey. Yes, she’s fine and so are your aunts and uncles.”

“So why did you talk to her tonight. You usually do that on Sunday.”

“She called me. Kids. I know that you like Chief Todachine. But he passed on yesterday.”

“Oh no! How?”

“He passed in his sleep. They think it was his heart.”

I looked at Amy, and she was in tears. Mom saw that too, and said, “Amy honey. I know you’re sad. But you need to realize that the Navajo people don’t show grief over death.”

“But, Mom.”, Amy said. “I can’t help it. I really liked him.”

“We all liked him. And I know it’s hard. But the Navajo people believe that everything is an ongoing cycle of birth, life, and death. They are just a natural part of things. I know that showing grief is a natural thing when someone dies and that not showing grief might appear that we don’t care. But we do.

“According to our customs, if the people show too much grief over a death it’s possible that a spirit’s travel to the next world could be interrupted and then that the spirit might attach itself to an object or place or even a person, thereby interrupting a part of the process.”

As she wiped the tears from her eyes, Amy said, “I’m sorry Mom. I didn’t know.”

“That okay honey. I don’t think that Tammy did either.”

“No. I didn’t.”, I said.

“It’s just so hard trying to hold the sadness inside.”, Amy said. “I just feel I need to cry over him. But I won’t.”

“When my father passed on.”, my mother said. “It was very hard not to cry. But I knew that it was bad for his spirit to show grief. But I had a really good cry when I was alone in my room. And I think your grandmother did too.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Amy and I went back to our room, and we started talking about the Chief. And it didn’t take long for the tears to start, not only Amy’s tears but mine.

A couple of days later, I contacted Naainish. I first expressed my condolences to him over Chief Todachine's passing. Naainish told me that he will be missed by everyone. Then I explained what had happened with Dr. Whitmeyer at the seminar and what I had told him in front of the whole seminar. Naainish laughed about it, and told me only Kai could talk down a pompous person like that and get away with it.

Then I explained to Naainish what Dr. Whitmeyer wanted to do and that he wanted to talk with someone with knowledge about the half-woman half-man people. Naainish told me that Dr. Whitmeyer should talk to Kai. I told Naainish that I didn't feel that I had the knowledge that he did. Naainish finally agreed to talk with Dr. Whitmeyer. And I gave Naainish the contact information for Dr. Whitmeyer.

The rest of winter quarter was … well … the rest of winter quarter. As usual, it was cold and windy on campus and going from building to building wasn’t much fun. We did attend a couple of support group meetings. But we never did join the group. I did help Ralph/Rhonda in talking with people that had some issues. And I finally told Ralph that I’d be happy to help, from time to time, by talking with people.

Something else was going on during winter quarter and that was Maria, Amy, and Kelly had started planning Maria’s wedding for this coming summer.

On top of that Amy had found out that she could do her clinicals this coming summer at any teaching hospital that would accept her. Hmm.

At the end of the quarter we found that both Amy and I made the Dean’s List again this quarter. But Amy had just missed being on the President’s Honor List.