I saw another one today. I was driving along a country road and over there on the left, by the well kept farmhouse was another of those rather weird examples of modern art known as the "moonie". Have you ever seen a moonie? No, I am not talking about some earnest and well scrubbed youth in the airport lounge selling flowers for the Korean Messiah, but rather the mushroom shaped and gaily painted depiction of someone's legs and nether regions that are sprouting on lawns all over country like, well like mushrooms. Perhaps these decorations have not made it to your part of the world yet, but It Is Only A Matter Of Time. (Read that pretentiously, as befits the Capitals.)
From a distance a moonie looks like an overgrown mushroom sprouting on the lawn after an night's rain in the heat of summer, but as you approach near enough to make out the detail it resolves into the classic Moon Position as seen out the rear window of a '55 Chevy after the prom and before the cops return the offender to his parent's custody. A uniquely American art form to say the least.
But why, you might ask, am I describing Modern American Art when you expected a dissertation on transvestism and the ramifications thereof? Well keep your panties on and I will endeavor to explain. You see the mushroom outline of a moonie is most pronounced when the figure is wearing a skirt, so there are many moonies out there with brightly colored skirts exposing various amounts of slip and panties. I suppose it depends on how liberated (or kinky) you are as to how much you want your moonie to let it all hang out. But while the moonie that inspired this dissertation had only a modicum of exposed white frills and no evidence of more private undergarments in view, it had markedly hairy legs and combat boots.
Hairy legs and combat boots? Just why is an obviously prosperous farmhouse in the middle of nowhere sporting such an ornament on the front lawn. Why not a pair of pink flamingos or a lawn jockey? I might expect a duck with counter-rotating propellers for wings or even a plaster deer, but hairy legs and combat boots below a skirt?
Then it hit me. Remember a while back when there was a bit of controversy about finding a discrete logo that would identify the bearer as one of your sisters without trumpeting the message to the world? I, along with many others, was a bit leery about anything like that because it would inevitably become public knowledge and the glaring light of day would enter out unwilling closets. Sure I would like to know my sisters, but a PO box is safer. I had a devil of a time not stopping to ask, but I feel sure that one of my sisters must live there, and she had solved the dilemma with a logo that would never be penetrated. After all there are no standards set for moonies and it seems the more bizarre the image the better the chance the artist has of selling it. So who is gonna notice one more crazy moonie, I ask you.
It seems appropriate too, since a lot of us enjoy the clothes and, for one reason another can't shave our legs or don't have the time to do more than quickly slip on a bra and dress for a half an hour once in a while. This is especially true when the doorbell rings unexpectedly. If there is a more unsettling period of time than the high speed strip and redressing before you can answer it, I would like to know about it. You don't need knee length leather boots with five inch heels to make it any more exciting do you? So those of you who want to let our portion of the world know what is hidden in your closet, run down to the lumber yard for a sheet of plywood, get out the paint brush and all that leftover paint in the basement, and get cracking. And don't forget the hairy legs and combat boots.
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