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What lengths would you go to, to help a pretty girl struggling with her past? Especially, if you knew there was the potential to be more than ‘just friends’?

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Barbie’s Doll
The Cotton Candy Wars

Copyright© 2017 Shauna
All Rights Reserved.
(All image originals sourced from Creative Commons)

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Part Eleven

Mom drops me off at Mitsi’s and I hurry up the steps to the shuttle hanger door. I ring the doorbell and a man that I don’t know answers it. He smiles at me and says, “You must be Jacie? Mitsi said you’re the only one missing. I’m her Dad and since you’re calling my wife Rita, you can call me Scott. OK?”

I swallow as he leads me in and nod, “Yes sir, if you’re sure.”

He smiles, “I’m sure, Hon. You know the way to the pool house, right?”

I sigh. I think I take the turbolift up three decks to the bridge, then the third Jeffrey’s tube over. Right?

I see he’s still waiting for my answer and nod, “Yes, Sir. I’m pretty sure I can find it.”

I’m also pretty sure Jillie can track my phone if I get lost.

What? I already told you that this place is huge! It shouldn’t take me more than a week to walk from the main house to the guest house.

He shows me to the back door and I follow the path past the winterized pool to the pool house and Jillie opens the door before I can knock. My toes curl and my foot pops before I can go in.

What? Of course, she just kissed me! What did you think? Scurvy, maybe?

Anyway, we go in out of the cold. I help get things set up and before I know it, the guys show up with their stuff. John shows up right after that and brings his own bass guitar and amplifier.

Shortly after that, the food arrives. The Myers go all out and the catered food is delicious.

Then the guys start playing and Barbs sings lead. The rest of us sing backup and we have a blast—we also sound really good.

Scott and Rita have invited all of the Circle’s parents over and Sara and Kate’s parents are there. Jillie’s and my Dads are both, once again, out of town and so it’s just our Moms. They listen to the band for a bit, then they all go back to the main house for some ‘adult’ partying and us kids have more fun in the guest house.

After a bit, Chris comes over and sits by me. He says, “OK, Jacie—spill. Why isn’t Jimmy here? His Mom is in the house over there…”

Barbs comes over and sits down in his lap. I chase my eyes as they roll out the door and towards the pool. Thankfully the winter cover is on tight and they don’t roll into it.

She kisses Chris and says, “Hon, don’t ask questions that can’t be answered.”

I sigh, “Look, Chris. If I tell you, it could be really bad for Jimmy. How do I know I can trust you?”

He shakes his head, “I don’t guess you can know that. All I can say is that I like Jimmy, so there isn’t any reason for me to hurt him.”

I nod, “Yeah. You seem like a stand-up guy. You even have Barbie calmed down enough to sit in your lap! I never thought I would see the day!”

She giggles and kisses him again.

I fight to keep my eyes in and say, “OK, Chris. Here’s the thing… I am Jimmy.”

He nods, “Yeah, I know.”

I run after my eyeballs again.

When I get back, I ask, “Huh? How? Wha…?”

He smiles, “It was pretty self-evident. You call Barbs ‘Barbie’ and only Jimmy ever really does that. You also call Jill ‘Jillie’—again, a Jimmy thing. Now, that could just be spillover from Jimmy to his cousin, but it didn’t add up. I mean the biggest thing is that you are never both in the same place—like Clark Kent and Superman. Plus—Christmas vacation has to be over everywhere by now, right?”

I sigh and nod. I give him an emploring look, “You won’t tell anyone, right?”

He shakes his head and I ask, “And the other guys?”

He smiles and calls out, “Hey guys, we won’t out Jimmy at school, right?”

There’s this joint response, “Nah!” Sam says, “It’s about time that he admitted who she is—now Jill can have some fun, too!”

I see Klingons everywhere! The Tribbles are going crazy!

I bluster, “They knew, too? How many more at school? Can I even go back?”

I look around for Romulans, Borg, Khan Noonien Singh, Q, and any other villains I can think of. I thought I got rid of anything red!

He laughs, “Chill, Dude…ette! As far as I know, no one else knows. I think the jocks are trying to stir up rumors that you’re gay, or something, but they aren’t making much progress. They’re still trying to get girls—any girls—to go out with them. I knew the senior hot girls had power, but I never realized how far down the ladder that power goes—or up. These guys couldn’t get a date at our school if their life depended on it—nor in a lot of other schools in a hundred-mile radius. Not even in college. The power of the hot girls; too bad we can’t harness that!”

He gets a funny look on his face, “Wait! That would make an awesome song! Fred! Write that down!”

“On it, Bro,” Fred exclaims. “Way ahead of you!” He is humming and jotting something down. Sara is watching and giggling.

I sigh. Nomad is right outside the window.

Jillie comes over and takes my chin in her hand, then gives me a toe-curling kiss.

Nomad explodes and the Klingons take cover. The pink Tribble population just tripled.

I feel my panties get damp and squirm a little. Chris laughs, “Now, that’s what I’m talking about, dudette! Look, we don’t care who you are—but we’d prefer you to be Jacie in the band.”

My eyeballs are halfway down the driveway before I catch them.

What? In the band? What’s he talking about?!?

I blow my eyes off and stick them back where they belong, “In the band? Me? I thought you just wanted Barbie?”

Sam comes over, holding Mitsi’s hand, and says, “No. We want you all. Barbs is a great lead singer—but you, Mitsi, Kate, and Sara are awesome singers, too, and could be backup—or even sing lead on some songs. We could really kill with the four of you. Johnny has already agreed to come on board—and so has Barbs.”

Fred pulls Sara over and asks, “So, what about it, girls? Are you in?”

Kate is busy kissing Johnny. She breaks the kiss and asks, “What do you think, girls?”

Mitsi, Jillie, and Kate all nod—then they all look at me.

I think there is about to be an immenent Dominien attack. I groan and chase my eyeballs down again.

What? Me? Sing? As a girl? In a real band? In public?

I sigh, “What would that mean, exactly? I mean besides risking being outed even more. P.S.T.K. is really popular with our school crowd, unless you have forgotten—someone would be bound to clock me, at some point. Then I would be clocked in the other sense of the word—as in pounded!”

Jillie kisses me again and I’m sure I got sucked out the hatch—I can’t breathe when she’s done.

What? My toes? Of course, they’re curled! What did you think?

Mitsi says, “Well, Jacie, you could just come to school and leave Jimmy at home. You know, pull the bandaid off in one quick jerk?”

I think she melts on the floor—I guess my phaser-look is getting better. I didn’t really mean to set it to ‘kill’, though.

Sara nods, “Why not, Jacie? You have our protection! You’ve seen what we can do when we set our minds to it—and put our connections to good use. If you want to come to school as Chrissie or Jacie, then you should!”

I sigh, “It’s not that easy, guys! I mean… I don’t know what I want. I like being Chrissie-slash-Jacie—it’s a long-forgotten dream come true. But, I don’t think I’m ready for that at school. I need more time…”

Jillie kisses me again—deeper than ever. She breaks the kiss with an audible ‘smack’. She wipes the lipstick off the edges of my lips with her finger and sighs, “Look, Jacie. No one is pressuring you. We are all here to help you. If you need more time, then take it. But, you can still sing in the band as Jacie—she’s not known in school. You’ll just have to be someone besides Jimmy’s cousin for the band. We’ll figure something out—and it could be a good way for you to experiment with what you want?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Rita’s voice comes from the doorway. I jerk my head around and see her smile, “Jacie, that would give you the opportunity to interact and socialize as a girl and see if that is what you ultimately want. It’s not quite as good as doing so at school, but I understand your hesitation there. Think about it, OK? For now, it’s time for the boys to come to the main house for the night. It is two a.m., after all!” She laughs and is obviously in a good mood as she ushers Chris, Sam, Fred, and Johnny out of the guest house.

I feel a little guilty at getting to stay—especially now that they know about me. But, only a little. They are strapping young men in the prime of their puberty—while I’m…not.

Mitsi still insists that Jillie and I sleep in one of the rooms by ourselves.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that! Well, that and reality is so much better than dreaming!

What? You mean you don’t think so?

What? Are back to asking that, again?! I told you! I’m not telling! And don’t go asking Jillie either!

Oh, bosh! Who cares? Go ahead. She can still only purr right now, anyway!

---

I sit in Nurse Felix’s side room and fret over what I agreed to over the weekend.

What? You weren’t paying attention again, were you? You were too busy trying to be nosy about things that don’t matter to you!

Anyway, I finally agree to be in the band as Jacie. They all kept badgering me while we cleaned up on Sunday.

What? No, they didn’t pressure me—‘strongly encourage’ is how they put it.

What? OK, yes, Klingons do that with disrupters, too. But, that’s not how it was—they really want me to be a part of the band. So, I finally gave in.

Now, I’m beginning to think there are Klingons around with disrupters—maybe teaming up with the Romulans and the Dominien? Would they team up? Pink Tribbles help us!

Gina comes in and breaks my reverie. I am relieved—until I remember she will want an answer on the other issue.

She smiles, “Hi, Jimmy. How are you doing? I hear from Rita that you joined a band—as Jacie? Is that true?”

I duck—the Klingon disrupter shot almost gets me, but goes wide!

I sigh, “Yes, Ma’am. I…hope it’s the right thing.”

She looks at me with her head cocked, “You’re not sure?”

I shake my head, “I’m still worried that someone will figure it all out. I mean, the band did—I didn’t tell them about Jacie, but they still figured out it was me. How long will it be before more people figure it out? If the jocks get ahold of that piece of information, then I’m not sure the shields the girls have put up around me will hold.”

She smiles, “Afraid of the Borg, are you?”

I run after my eyes before someone steps on them out in the hallway—you know how kids are in school hallways. Paying attention is not something that is normal.

She giggles, “Well, like Rita, I have noticed your propensity to mention all things ‘Star Trek’. I’m not a tried-and-true Trekkie, like Rita, but, I do know a thing, or two.” She winks at me.

I sigh and check my eyes for foreign matter before sticking them back in, “Well, aside from not considering myself any good at singing, my biggest worry is the Borg, the Klingons and Romulans, the Dominien, and Khan finding out about me. So, yeah…”

She laughs and it breaks my tension as I grin. She says, “Jacie, you will be fine in the band. Jimmy, you will be fine in school. Yes, you need to be careful until you openly admit to being Jacie—or Chrissie—in school, if that is your intention. If you do that, then you will be behind other ‘shields’ than just the girls’. I have seen Jacie, though, and without knowing that hot girl is you, I wouldn’t guess it, at all. You just have to work out your backstory with the others and make sure you all stick to it.”

I take a deep breath and nod.

She smiles, “So, have you thought about my question, Jacie? And, yes, I am calling you Jacie. I think it is more fitting, so, unless you tell me otherwise, that is what I’m going with. Is that OK with you?”

I nod.

What? Yeah, it freaks me out! I see a Borg cube outside the office. It also feels…right. Resistance is futile, after all.

She nods back, “OK, Jacie. Your blood results came back completely normal. You’re not intersexed and there is no indication of any other issues that would prevent your puberty from starting. You are just a plain-Jane late-bloomer. But, you will start—and I think soon. Especially, if you get sexually aroused at any frequency—and I think that may be the case, now?”

I sigh as I chase my eyes down, again!

I nod timidly once they’re back in.

She smiles, “I figured as much. Jill is hot and you’d have to be a Vulcan to ignore her—unless she maybe has a field of orange flowers around and then even that wouldn’t work.” She winks and I barely keep my eyes in where they belong. I will probably have black eyes from slapping my hands to my face so hard to keep them in, though.

She waits and when I don’t say anything she adds, “Look, Jacie, I’m not pressuring you. But the longer you wait, the likelier it becomes that you will start puberty—male puberty. Now, if it’s not something that bothers you, then there is no problem. I don’t really think that’s the case, though—am I right? At the very least, you’re not sure?”

I sigh—deeply.

The Borg cube has come closer. I hear the hive’s mantra in my head, ‘Resistance is futile!’

I nod, but don’t trust myself to say anything.

She looks at me intently. I feel like she’s the Borg Queen and is transporting straight through my shields.

Finally, I say, “I…I…I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think I want to go through puberty as a male—but, I don’t know that I can be a girl, either. I don’t really know anything about being one—other than I love being in the Circle, and wearing the clothes and makeup, and being a part of the conversation, and…”

She laughs as she gives me a coy look out of the side of her eye.

What? I don’t get it? What’s her point?

What? You do? Really?

Care to clue me in?

“Jacie,” she asks, “did you just hear yourself? Go through that list in your head again.”

I do as she says…

“Oh… Right…,” I sigh.

What? Yeah… Sometimes it just takes a mindmeld to get your head on straight.

She smiles, “That’s quite the list that doesn’t sound to ‘boyish’ to me. But, I agree that you don’t know what being a girl means. I also agree with Rita that this gig with the band as Jacie is a good way to explore it. I just wish it could be more full-time—like it would be if you were going to school. But, this should still be a good test for you. I also still highly recommend you go on a blocker—at least until you’re sure you don’t want to be Chrissie/Jacie. If that’s what you decide. You’re almost sixteen and I would even be OK with giving you a light dose of hormones if you want, once you are. Like the blocker, it wouldn’t result in permanent changes if only for a short time. I’ve talked to your parents and they are OK with it, as well. It is up to you, though.”

I sigh. Then I take a deep breath. Then I go for a spacewalk. Then I rinse and repeat.

What? If I’m going to try out being a girl, I have to start acting like one, right?

What? You know—not making up my mind. Then changing it after everyone thinks I have.

I look at her, suddenly dead serious. I don’t know why, but that mind meld did something to me—or the Borg have assimilated me and I just don’t know it, yet.

I say, “OK, Gina. I think you’re right. I need to know more about being a girl before I can decide to go that route—or not. I am willing to go on the blocker until school starts next year—and maybe on hormones when you say it’s OK. That will give me the summer to be Chrissie/Jacie full-time. Is that too long? Does that seem OK?”

She looks pensive and then nods, “Yes, Jacie, I think that is a good plan. That would give you about six months on hormones, which is the longest I would want to go without you fully committing to transitioning. After that, some of the changes could become much more difficult to reverse—depending on how you react to them. I don’t offer this lightly and it isn’t really the usual course—normally, I would wait for you to be on the blocker for longer and give you more time to experiment with being a girl. I think this is a special case, though, and am willing to make a highly-supervised exception. I will talk to my endocrinologist friend and we will map out the best course for you. She will likely want to see you, first—even though your baseline bloodwork is done. OK? For now, if you want, I can have Tabitha give you the blocker. She has already okayed that.”

I have that sudden feeling of impending doom—at the same time the pink Tribbles are exploding into space.

I simply nod and Gina goes out to get her.

---

The rest of the day is a blur—including classes! Thank the pink Tribbles that the Circle is looking out for me and taking good notes. All I can do is keep rubbing my arm where the little bandaid is covering the spot that Nurse Felix gave me the shot that ensures that the little tribble-makers down below don’t grow into big tribble-makers.

Jillie has already demonstrated that I don’t need…

Oops! See! I told you I was distracted and you almost got me to talk about things that are none of your business!

Anyway, I have to pay extra attention during our after-school study session to make up for my lack of attention at school—before Jillie will make out with me after that. And even that has to wait until after I tell her all about my session with Gina.

Then it’s rinse and repeat with Mom and Dad after they get home.

What? Yeah… Jillie stays for supper—and then some. What’s your point?

What? No! I’m not saying anymore!

Well, besides the fact that Mom and Dad are very supportive of my decision to go on blockers and see the endocrinologist.

What? Her name is Dr. Lisa Collins.

What? The appointment? Tomorrow. Right after school. Tenth floor of the same medical building Rita’s in.

What? No, I’m still not talking about Jillie and me…

---

So, when I walk out of Dr. Collin’s office the next day, it’s with the ‘security’ of knowing that I’m healthy as a sehlat.

What? I’m not a horse!

Anyway, she agreed that I am healthy enough to be put on hormones any time after I turn sixteen and Gina is OK with it—or Rita. She said I will be on a combination of estrogen and progesterone. She also said it would be bi-weekly shots—if I decide to go through with it.

Oh, joy! Another recurring shot.

I grumble as I ride the elevator down and get into the car with Dad. He’s driving the TT today and he gives me a look. I smile and he asks, “OK, do you want to drive? Don’t tell your mother, though! You need to be careful, OK? You don’t look anything like the picture on your permit!”

I giggle and he lets me get in the driver’s seat. I carefully adjust the seat and the mirrors, then press the button to start the 220 horses. They purr like pink Tribbles on super-grain and I carefully take off.

Forty minutes later, I pull into the driveway.

What? OK, so I didn’t take the wormhole home. We may have gone on a five-year mission to explore a bit. So, sue me!

I hurry in and quickly catch up on studying with Jillie before catching up on some make-out time. She giggles as we go to my room and then my toes start curling—there isn’t much talking until supper, after that.

After supper, Jillie and I clean up the kitchen for Mom and we all talk—Mom sitting at the table.

I dry the dishes, as Jillie washes them.

What? O!M!G! Of course, we have a dishwasher? But we don’t like put the pots and pans in it.

You do? Well, good for you!

Anyway, I am drying the stockpot that we used to make the noodles in and sigh, “I don’t know, guys. Am I like doing the right thing? I still feel really confused. I am preventing myself from developing until at least my birthday—and maybe longer if Gina doesn’t think I’m ready. Even then, it may just be temporary because I could like still change my mind for several months after that.”

I put the dried pot away and grab the wet skillet. I shake my head, “Then there is this whole band thing. Am I crazy?”

Jillie comes over and kisses me. It doesn’t even phase Mom, anymore. She looks me in the eye and says, “Jacie, you will do fine.”

Mom nods, “Just give yourself time to come to an understanding with yourself, Hon. You will know what to do when the time is right. It’s your choice and you have the freedom to choose. Not all have that support, so just go with it and let it happen.”

I sigh deeply, “But, I don’t know who is me and who is not, anymore. I mean, I love coming home to being Jacie—or Chrissie. Oh, bosh! You know what I mean. It almost seems like Jimmy at school is an imposter—although, that is most certainly me, too. And the other kids are like starting to pick up on the fact that I—Jimmy—am acting more and more…well, feminine. The jocks are starting to gain traction on getting people to like believe that I’m gay.”

Jillies kisses me again and giggles, “You are, Hon. You’re a lesbian! Who knew I was? I guess we’re lipstick ones!”

Mom laughs a little uncomfortably and says, “Let’s leave the labels off—you are in love with Jill. Period. What your gender is, and what hers is, is irrelevant. But, you’re right—it is likely going to get more complicated at school with every passing week. We are all here for you, Hon. But, you’re going to have to shoulder a bigger burden than you would if you were just plain-Jane Jimmy…”

Jillie giggles at that and I sigh, once again. I finally say, “I know, Mom. Thanks for that. Really. But now I’m going to have to have broader shoulders—and that doesn’t fit with Jacie’s image.”

What? It’s true! I am going to have to carry a Gorn on them.

Mom smiles and Jillie giggles. I just shake my head and kiss Jillie, since we’re done cleaning the kitchen and she has to go home. I kiss her again at the door and my foot pops. I watch her walk across the yards to her front door, then go back to the kitchen.

Mom is still sitting at the table and she has me sit down. She gives me a serious look and says, “Hon, if it’s too complicated, we can make it happen that you go to Jacie. We’ve discussed this, though.”

I sigh, “I know Mom. I’m just not ready for a step that big, yet. I know that if I stay this course that I’ll have to cross that bridge next year. I’m more comfortable as Chrissie/Jacie than I would have ever thought possible when I started doing this for Barbie. I’m really thankful that my memory was freed—but is it sort of like Khan being awakened from his forced sleep? Maybe it would have been better if the memory had remained repressed?”

Mom sighs and shakes her head, “That’s a question for Rita—or Gina. But, I can’t believe it was healthy for it to be in a cryotube like that—to use your analogy. Something was bound to wake it up—at least now you have the opportunity to make the choice before your body made one that you may not want.”

I nod and give her a hug. “Thanks, Mom. I know you’re right. I’m going to go to bed to think about this. I need to come up with a backstory for Jacie and mentally prepare myself for becoming a female backup singer in a fairly popular band. I guess that means I’m going to need more girl’s clothes. That should make Daddy happy!”

Mom laughs and I hug her again and go upstairs. When I finally get to sleep, I have the most wondrous dreams of Tribbles and Klingons getting along. The Borg are dancing to P.S.T.K.’s music and aren’t trying to take over the universe. Khan winks at me and yawns as the Gorn on my shoulders shrinks into a little chameleon that looks just like Rapunzel’s pet, Pascal.

My dream fades into blackness and I fall into a deep slumber. I still have no idea what is going to happen, but, somehow I am coming to be at peace with myself.

I mean if Tribbles and the Klingons can come to peace, then everything must be OK!

Err…right?

---

The rest of the week goes by quickly. A new routine has formed within the Circle, though. Everyone has a boyfriend…

What? O!M!G! No! Not Jillie and I—you know what I mean!

Anyway, with the jocks being the school pariahs, the band members’ status in school rises. I am also being pulled more and more into the Circle’s wider social circle—including hot, i.e., ‘popular’, girls that are juniors and seniors. Of course, it’s a nightmare tightwalk for me. My status as Jillie’s boyfriend and the guys in the band covering for me helps, but I do get asked by several of the girls why I’m wearing mascara and eyeliner—and have my ears double-pierced. The studs are harder to hide when you’re looking for them. Jillie just deflects it all with saying that she thinks it’s hot and I’m doing it for her.

I’m not sure they all buy it.

I kind of feel like I have pointy ears and green blood.

Oh, and the jocks are really peaved. I’m pretty sure if any of them ever caught me alone, it wouldn’t bode well. Thankfully, I’m either always with the girls—or there are cameras around. The only time that it gets dicey is in the bathroom. After one really close call, I don’t go to the bathroom at school, anymore.

Of course, I have come really close to wetting my panties on an occasion, or two. Maybe being a Borg wouldn’t be so bad. Do they have to pee? I don’t think so…

What? Have you ever seen one go to the bathroom?

Anyway, the girls pull me even deeper into Jacie-land after school every day to prep me for my role in the band. They are teaching me to do my makeup differently—I’m going to be a distant cousin of Fred’s and a highschool dropout that would have been a senior, so I will be like wearing it a little more heavily and more like sophisticated.

They have also convinced me to start growing my fingernails out more.

What? O!M!G! No! Not glamour-length, or anything. They will be a little long for Jimmy, but actually a little on the short side for Jacie. It’s like all about compromises.

Err…right?

Anyway, when the girls decide we need to go to the mall after school on Friday to shop for clothes for Jacie, there isn’t much I can say. It turns out that some of the ‘upper’ hot girls—you know, like the juniors and seniors—are coming, too. I almost back out, but Jillie talks me out of it.

So, we all meet at Sara’s after school. I have a basic Jacie outfit in a gym bag, along with my extensions and glasses. I put the bag in Sam’s trunk during school and get it out when he drops us off at Sara’s. We go in and I quickly change clothes and put on my makeup after putting in the contacts. The girls help me put in the extensions and I put on my glasses.

I look in the mirror and smile—Jacie’s back and doesn’t look at all like Jimmy.

Mitsi looks at me and gives me a hug, then asks, “OK. Does everyone have their signed consent forms?”

I look at her, “Consent form? Like for what?”

Jillie giggles and gives me a toe-curling kiss. She hands Mitsi two sheets of paper and says, “Here are mine and Jacie’s.”

I give them all an exasperated look. I smell Klingons—and not the kind that get along with Tribbles.

Mitsi smiles and says, “Well, the girl members of the band are going to do a little bonding today…”

I feel the Gorn on my shoulder getting heavier.

Sara says, “Jen’s boyfriend works at ‘The Ink Hole’ and is going to do the work.”

What? Jen? Jennifer Simpson is one of the senior hot girls. Everyone… Oh! You were pulling my leg, again. Like quit it! O!M!G!

I ask, “Isn’t that a tattoo parlor?”

Kate giggles, “Yeah. We thought about getting matching tatts, but some of our parents like wouldn’t go for that. We convinced them that getting our belly buttons pierced isn’t a permanent thing, so…”

I exclaim, “O! M! G! I can’t like get my belly button pierced! What are you like thinking?”

Jillie gives me another toe-curling, foot-popping kiss. She breaks it with a loud ‘smack’ and says, “It’s something that Jacie would have—especially when all the other girls in the band do. Sorry, Hon, but you’re just going to have to take one for the team on this one. Your mother signed the form, after all.”

I see the disrupter fire coming from four directions at once—I can’t duck it. Thankfully, the Borg pull me out just in time.

What? Of course, they assimilate me. Resistance is like futile, after all...

So…

An hour later, we are all shakily standing—everyone of us as pale as a victim of the dikironium cloud creature—with glistening jewels adorning our navels.

What? No! It didn’t hurt like I thought it would. O!M!G! It was like a hundred times worse!

From there, we go to the mall and spend three hours going through shops after we meet up with Jen, Paige, and Noel.

What? Like, you already know Jen! Who? Oh… Paige Thompson is another senior popular girl and Noel Wells is a junior one. You really didn’t know that?

I easily spend the five hundred dollars that Mom coaxed out of Daddy for the expansion of my wardrobe—plus the extra two hundred that she gave me on top of that.

Chris picks us up and drives us home after we eat at Emerald Wednesdays and I fall into bed, exhausted, after kissing Jillie good night and putting away my clothes.

What? Of course, Jillie helped me put them away!

What? O!M!G! Of course, I had to model everything for her and Mom. Mom was just a little worried about the look the girls had chosen for Jacie in the band, but, in the end, agrees that it certainly takes away any suspicion of Jacie being Jimmy.

What? Like, let me sleep! Of course, Daddy had a minor coronary when he found out that I spent it all. It got worse when he saw my bejeweled navel.

What? Yawn! Like, yes! It hurts a lot! What did you think?

---

I yawn and look at myself in the mirror. It was around one a.m. when I finally got to bed and two things tell me that what happened yesterday wasn’t some dream. First, the huge dilithium cystal in my belly button is glistening brightly. Second, it still hurts like I imagine having a Ceti eel larva enter my ear.

I take a shower and gingerly disinfect the dilithium crystal. Then I get into full Jacie ‘band-mode’.

What? Yes, I have my appointment with Rita—but we’re having our first full band practice right after that.

When I go downstairs with my ‘older’ makeup look, ultra-short mini skirt…

What? Of course, I have leggings on! It’s like cold as Rura Penthe outside!

Anyway, my ‘older’ makeup look, ultra-short denim mini skirt, white semi-see-through blouse that lets my pink bra show through, and four-inch stiletto, open-toed pumps. I look more like an eighteen-year-old than the fifteen I am.

Mom chokes and Daddy has another mid-sized coronary. Mom says, “Umm…Jacie, are you sure…?”

Daddy is a little more forceful, “No daughter of mine…”

At that moment, Jillie comes in—unnanounced, as always—and gives off a little scream; then gives me a to-curling, foot-popping kiss. She says, “Jacie! That look is perfect! That’s exactly what we were going for for Jacie in the band! George? Cindy? Don’t you think it’s just like perfect?”

Mom shakes her head and Daddy mumbles something under his breath. Mom says, “Hon, you need to be very careful dressed like that. It’s very provocative, which may be OK in the band—but it sends signals that you may not really want to send.”

I sigh, “I know, Mom. Trust me. But, I really want to throw off any suspicion that this is me.”

Jillie giggles and Mom laughs, “OK. Just be careful. OK, Hon? Now, come on. Eat your oatmeal and then I’ll drive you to your appointment.”

Now, if I thought Mom and Daddy were being weird about my outfit, I suddenly find myself in Dr. Bashir’s shoes on Deep Space Nine when he was subjected to his inquisition when I get in to see Rita.

What? Yes, she’s like worried about the signals I’m sending and my intentions.

I talk her down and deflect by asking about my question, “I know this is weird, Rita. It’s basically a costume, though—just for the band. And yes, I’ll be very careful and stick really close to the girls. But… I have…another question.”

She looks at me, her head cocked. She looks like she isn’t ready to drop my outfit, just yet, but is intrigued with my change of course.

Finally, she sighs, “OK, Jacie. I will let this drop—for now. But, we will continue this later—when you’ve had a chance to see what happens. So, what is your question?”

It’s my turn to sigh, “Well. I was wondering if it would have been better if my memory had remained repressed? I mean, then I wouldn’t be struggling with any of this…”

She nods and then shakes her head—then nods again. She looks really pensive and says, “Well, Jacie. It’s never good to repress a memory for too long. You repress them to give yourself time to heal from such intense mental anguish that you can’t process it—but you have to process it, eventually. Sometimes a repressed memory can remain that way for a really long time. Yours, however, was bound to come bouncing back—at least this way, it was in about the best circumstances you could have asked for. Imagine if something had triggered it years from now and you were married to someone that is not nearly as understanding as your Jillie is.”

I sigh and nod, “OK. I get it…I think. I just am like so tired of trying to figure this all out. I just want the decision—and everything to be like over with.”

She smiles, “Welcome to growing up, Hon. This is certainly a curve ball in those regards, but, essentially like any other ‘grown-up’ decision you have to make—and live with the consequences. I know you think you’re a mess. Let me tell you, however, that you’re handling this better than many others that I know. Gina thinks so, too. But, you have a wonderful support structure and that makes a huge difference. Don’t fret about it so much, Hon. Just use these next few months to see how things go—and keep talking to me and Gina. And keep asking such great questions.”

She looks at me and her eyes crinkle as she says, “And just be really really careful about the signals you send out dressed like that!”

I smile wanly, “OK, Doc. Warning noted. Your daughter was one of the main instigators of this look, though!”

She nods and says, “Yes, I figured. I will be having a talk with her—I will be holding her responsible for keeping you safe in that getup. Now, go to practice and good luck with the gig tonight!”

I gulp!

The Gorn just turned into a huge Horta.

“Gig,” I exclaim. “Like what gig?”

Rita looks at me in complete surprise, “The one at that new hip restaurant downtown. What’s it called? ‘The Golden Egg’, or something like that…”

I start trembling, “We’re playing a gig tonight—at the ‘The Greek Goddess’—the place that has a waiting list for reservations that’s weeks long? You’re kidding me, right? This is some kind of test?”

She smiles, “Well it isn’t the ‘Kobayashi Maru’, if that’s what you’re asking. And no, it’s not a test, at all. At least not my test—much more so, the restaurant’s. If I understand it all correctly—if you do well tonight, you could get a long-term contract to play there on the weekends.”

I feel faint, but Rita just gives me a big hug and says, “You’ll do fine, Hon! I’m sure of it—just be careful dressed like that!”

I groan and hug her back.

I fight through the Romulans to the waiting area. Jillie and Mom are waiting and notice my ‘mood’. They look at each other and don’t say anything as I fight through more Romulans to the elevator. We ride down in silence.

Once we’re in the car, I almost scream at Jillie, “Did you know that we have a gig tonight? At the ‘The Greek Goddess’? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

She hugs me and says in a soothing voice, “Because we knew you’d react this way. We wanted to let you see how well you do at practice before we told you. No one thought about Rita mentioning it.”

I duck the Klingon fire and yell at Mom to take evasive maneuvers to avoid the Borg cube.

Jillie keeps her voice calm and enunciates each word, “Jacie! Look at me! It will be fine!”

I shake my head and Mom just quietly smiles at me in the rearview mirror.

She drops us off at Mitsi’s house and we go to the guest house where the band has set up. I am very quiet and the others quickly pick up on it.

Jillie simple says, “Rita spilled the beans.”

Mitsi says, “Oh! Right! Like, I didn’t even think about that. I should have warned her to keep that under wraps.”

I want to scream, but Chris says, “Well, then—let’s get started. Jacie, you have an awesome voice and there is nothing to worry about. No one will ever suspect that you’re Jimmy looking like that. Now, we may have to hire extra security to keep the guys away…”

I am suddenly buried in Hortas.

“Oh great! Like, just perfect! I’m going home. Who will take me?”

Jillie just gives me a toe-curling, foot-popping kiss and pulls me to the back-up singer microphones—and they start playing.

After the third song, I’ve found my voice again and am feeling better.

Until…they make me sing lead on the fifth. I start out with a croak and we start over. On the third try, I nail it and can feel my face splitting with a smile when I hear the playback from the recording that Johnny made on his computer, using a good-quality Yeti microphone. It’s not a studio-quality recording, but it’s plenty good enough for me to clearly discern that I’m as good as Barbs.

As a matter of fact, we are all good. I just happen to harmonize perfectly with Johnny. Barbs is perfect with Chris. Jillie is really good with Sam. Kate and Sara both do really well with Fred.

In short—we rock. And I feel a confidence that I have never felt before.

Chris looks at his watch and says, “OK, let’s break it down. We need to be set up at the Goddess in two hours and ready to go in three. Good work, people!”

Us girls all do a group hug, then we all give our significant others a huge good-luck kiss.

And we get to work breaking things down.

Suddenly, the Klingons and the Tribbles seem to be getting along again.

I smile.

---

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