You know the old saying, there's a sucker born every minute? Well, I discovered the truth of that one all too well recently.
You see, I used to go out in my van and fix problems in the telephone lines, just like in the song Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell. Most of the time, it wasn't difficult work, although it could be time consuming after a big storm went through the area, but that's life, ya know?
This seemed to be a day like any other, I was headed out to check a few sites, one of which had a malfunctioning transformer.
Yeah, I know it's odd, but I work from a base office in Wichita, Kansas, what can I say? That darn song again, geez Louise!
Anyway, I made sure that all of the equipment and tools were in the van, then I headed out to my first stop.
That one wasn't too hard, a line had tangled on a high tree limb, I used a small chainsaw to cut the limb, then untangled the line.
The next one was fairly easy, too. It required a bit of tightening on a line that had been separating from a transformer.
It was the third one that changed my life in ways that I had never even thought of, let alone wished for or desired.
Yep, the third one was that malfunctioning transformer. If I had only known, I likely would have hightailed it out of there.
I didn't, though, and so I went to the place where Fate would take her own hand in my life, turning it completely upside down.
I made sure, when I checked the transformer after I arrived there, that it had been shut down. Nothing should have happened, but...
I guess I had been working on the transformer for several minutes when my hair literally stood up on end all over my body. The transformer had somehow turned on, there was a direct power source going into it, and an open electrical line in my hand. Oh, sweet holy shit!
In the next second or two, the world turned white, then blue, then pink, then white again as the electricity raged through my body. At the same time, my ears rang as a massive explosion occurred, then I heard nothing more. I have no idea if it lasted much longer than that, as I passed out while still being fried by the electrical charges from the open line and didn't wake up until much, much later in the hospital.
A truck driver passing by managed to haul me away from the now fried and destroyed transformer, then called 911.
I'm told the paramedics showed up about ten minutes after that, loaded me on a stretcher and raced to the nearest hospital.
"Patient is James Richard Stevens, 31 years old, brown hair, blue eyes, 5'10", 170 lbs. according to driver's licence. He was brought in just now with what appears to be third degree electrical burns on nearly 90% of his body, including parts of the head. No hair on patient's head.
"Truck driver that called 911 said that patient was flopping around as if electricity was arcing in and out of the body when he found him.
"Paramedics had to use the defibrillator three times on the trip to the hospital, once more as they arrived here, as patient's heart kept stopping.
"Patient arrived at hospital completely naked. According to truck driver, the man's clothes had been turned to ash by whatever happened."
"Strange, no clothes as I said already, but the rubber and plastic extra large fanny pack with his tools and wallet was only partially destroyed, nurse is removing it from patient. I've just been informed by a paramedic that he is just as they first saw him, they were only able to identify him due to the wallet being inside the fanny pack, rather than in his back pocket where most men put theirs on a daily basis.
"Patient is breathing on his own, although it sounds rather ragged. I'm ordering an oxygen mask as a precautionary measure.
"Nurse is putting the oxygen mask on the patient. Oh, my, get that off him now, or do you want to blow up the whole hospital?
"Whew, that was close, oxygen mask is a major NO GO, patient began throwing large arcs of electricity when the mask was applied. Oh, dear, it looks like that mask is done for, talk about melting something until it looks completely alien. Wow, we really need to be careful here.
"Interestingly, patient is not reacting to machines being used to monitor him, even though all of them use electricity to function.
"Wait, there's something different about him... Holy shit, his hair is growing in again and extremely fast, too!"
"Hair is still growing, just past the chin now, showing no sign of stopping. Patient's eyes are changing colour, now a bright glowing silver. Damn, that looks odd, hair is now down to chest area on the patient... Oh, my, that just can't be happening! Hoowhee! He's growing breasts!
"This is beyond weird, if you ask me. If I didn't know that supers existed, I'd think I was hallucinating. Perhaps this is a new one?"
"Changes are progressing, patient's body is reshaping itself, conforming to a more female shape, and a rather nice one, too.
"Hair is now changing colour. Ooookay, this is hard to believe, but I'm seeing it with my own eyes. Patient's hair is now waist length and finally appears to be slowing down growth wise. Colour of the hair is very interesting, silver, gold, and flame red, all in lightning patterns.
"Other changes are continuing, patient appears to be entirely female now, patient's height doesn't seem to have changed at all.
"Patient is now fully female and seems to be stabilizing rather nicely, breathing is much better than it was earlier, almost normal again.
"As patient appears quite healthy, with all machines showing optimal measurements, patient is being moved to a room."
When I woke up, the uncovered window in the room showed that night had fallen at some point while I was unconscious or perhaps dead.
I was honestly surprised to be alive after that, it's not every day that one survives being fried by an open line connected to a live transformer.
It only took a few seconds, when I first tried to move, then I noticed that things had changed quite a lot while I was out of it.
I mean, what would you think? Get fried as a nice, tall, hunky guy, then wake up that night as a sex bomb girl wearing only a hospital gown?
Yep, sex bomb was all too accurate, 36DD weapons on line, about a 25 inch waist, and maybe 35 inch hips. That was only the start of it, though, I could feel the hair behind me. I pulled a bunch of it in front to take a look. Oh, wow, that's definitely an unusual set of colours. Long, too.
They were obviously monitoring me on cameras somewhere, as I wasn't hooked up to any hospital equipment as far as I could see. A nurse came running into the room, followed by a female doctor who was yelling at me to get back into the bed. I laughed at her.
"Why should I? I feel pretty good, although I wasn't expecting the breasts and long hair. Hell, I wasn't expecting to be alive, darn it!"
"You know what happened to you, I gather. You're a living, walking, breathing miracle, lady."
"Yep, I know. A transformer that I had shut down somehow came back online while I was holding an open electrical line, Doc."
"What the hell?" came the gasp from a male walking down the hallway. "This is Jim Stevens' room, right?" the guy asked.
"Hiya, Lorne," I replied. "If the name on the outside of the door says James Stevens, then yeah, it's my room. Come on in."
Lorne walked in, spluttering, "But... but... you're a girl! Hot damn, you're a hell of a good looking one, too. Too bad I'm married," he whined.
"I just found out that I'm a girl a few minutes ago, then the nurses and doctors came charging in here. Don't need them now," I growled.
Oh, dear, I'm going to have to tone it down a lot. If a little growl like that can make a man drool like Lorne is right now, I'm in deep trouble.
"Hey, doc, can I get something decent to eat, please? I'm ravenous. Heck, bring me two trays, I'm gonna need them!"
"You aren't going to cause any trouble while I call down for the food, are you?" she asked as she turned toward the open doorway.
"Not a chance, doc, all that I want right now is plenty of good food and something decent to wear, this thing is useless!" I whined.
The doctor nodded, taking me at my word, I suppose and left the room. The nurse shrugged her shoulders and followed the doctor.
Perhaps nine minutes later, a young man wheeled one of those moveable tray stands that slide over hospital beds into the room. He pulled it up right to the edge of the bed, then stated in a rather nice sounding baritone voice, "Double order roast beef, potato, green beans, jello."
I politely thanked him and he left the room. Lorne hadn't said anything since the women had left, he was ogling me rather obviously.
"Hey, Lorne, my face is up here, hmmm? I know I have nice breasts, but I would prefer it if you looked at me, not them, thanks!" I hissed.
Oops, I freaked him out again! That was just a hint of displeasure and he's looking like he's been backed into a corner.
I sighed, which seemed to cause him to stop trying to hide in the corner by the door. "Sorry, Lorne, but that bothers me a lot."
He nodded and decided to sit down in the lone chair in the room. I took a bite of the roast beef. Ugh! This was cooked?
I have no idea how it happened, but my hand grew warm and several small flashes of bright light were visible for a moment.
It stopped almost as soon as it started. I shrugged and tasted the meat again. It was much better now, just slightly charred, perfect!
I managed to produce that effect again when I finished the roast beef on the first tray and picked the beef up from the second one.
Lorne looked up at me, he seemed rather startled as he asked, "Did you... ummmm... did you... just... fry that meat a bit?"
I giggled as I put the meat down, then answered him, "Something like that. I seem to be able to generate electricity when I want it."
"Oookay. If you can do that, that would make you one of those supers that started appearing fairly recently. Far out, man!" The last bit of that came out in a hoarse shout that I'm sure could have been heard three or four rooms down the hall, if not further.
A nurse popped her head in the door, took a quick look, then asked us to keep the noise down as people were still sleeping.
She left just as fast, leaving Lorne and I alone again. That didn't last long, I had barely started eating when a big guy walked in the room.
I knew right away who he was, he's been in the news dozens of times for things he's done. Who was it? Commander Ares, who else?
"Hiya, kid. So you're the new super. Quite the dish, too. Why does it smell like something electrical went funky in here?" Ares enquired.
"That was likely me. It seems my traumatic incident yesterday enabled some form of electrical based powers in me. I find it interesting. As to why it smells like that, well, I used a wee bit of electricity I generated through my hands to cook the roast beef a bit, it started out half raw."
"Half raw? You do realize that they cook all meat to a specific temperature as required to ensure it is cooked all the way through?" he asked.
"Yeah, I know that," I responded, "But it still tasted half raw to me. Well, it did until I cooked it a bit more," I giggled.
I took another bite of my now properly cooked roast beef, then asked Lorne when I had swallowed it, "You replace the transformer, Lorne?"
Lorne nodded, "Yeah, it took us about four hours to get the new one hooked up properly. Ten blocks were without power for nearly five hours."
"That's not too bad, I suppose. Just be thankful that transformer didn't blow other ones when it exploded. It sure wasn't fun on my end."
"At least you're alive, even if you are a whole hell of a lot different than the guy I knew and worked with just a couple of days ago," Lorne said.
Ares had listened to Lorne and I, now he asked, "Is it too soon for you to have picked a name for yourself?"
"Hmmm," I thought on it for a moment, then giggled like a madwoman for a minute or three before I could stand up straight again and draw enough breath to ask him, "Have you ever heard the song by Glen Campbell called Wichita Lineman?"
Ares nodded, "Nice song, more of my mom or dad's style, though. Why? Oh, wait... We're in Wichita, I assume that's part of your nick?"
"Yeah. It's especially appropriate as I was a lineman here, but now I'm more of a linegirl, ya know? So... Wichita Linegirl."
"You willing to pay royalties to Glen's estate for using that name? If not, you're going to have problems all over the place."
"As long as the royalty amounts aren't insane, Ares, I think I can handle it. Well, once I can get access to my bank accounts, that is."
"You're doing that well on a lineman's pay?" Lorne squawked, his eyes bugging out in surprise.
"Nope, but I did put a little bit from every check over the last twelve years into a bunch of stocks that have done very, very well," I grinned.
"Just how well are we talking about?" Ares questioned me.
"Hmmm... Last time I checked my accounts, the total was slightly over $127.46 million US, Ares," I replied and then broke into giggles again.
Uh oh, big oops. That must have been quite the surprise, as both men just fainted. "Nurse," I yelled, "I need a nurse in here RIGHT NOW!"
It didn't take long, maybe thirty seconds, before two nurses came into the room at a dead run, the first tripping over Ares on the floor. She managed to grab the side of the bed and prevent herself from falling. The two nurses soon brought the men around, then left the room.
Lorne sat in the chair, still shaking, I guess he was rather shocked. Ares recovered much more quickly, soon looking like his normal self.
"Sorry about that, guys. Hey, Ares, I'm going to need a costume, and it has to have at least one lightning bolt on it, got it, buster?"
Oh, dear, I really need to watch my temper. It seems, when I get upset or angry, I throw off electrical charges. Damn, I really need to stop scaring the heck out of folks, and I'll bet it isn't helping things when I leave smoking holes in the ceiling and walls.
Maybe tomorrow will be better? I'll let you know as soon as I find out.
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