This story is the transcription of a dream that I had early this morning. It is likely the product of a demented mind, or perhaps it was too much chocolate cake? Almost all of this is from that dream. No, seriously.

I’d been sitting on the porch of an old three-story house that was built in 1908 enjoying a heavily flavored and iced Peach Schnapps. It was getting hard to find, so I was taking time to savor what I had. It was a lovely, sunny day with a temperature in the high 80’s. For you Brits, that’s around 30 and a half. Life had been quite peaceful after the fall of the Blonde Monkey’s government, though those who were left hadn’t bothered to form another yet and that had been 6 months ago. Somehow, he had managed to hang on nearly 20 years past his elected time. None of us understood how. Twitter had long since shut down. He’d declared war on North Korea, but everyone ignored him. The Russians had enough trouble of their own. A big meteorite had hit not far from Moscow and there were rumors that there were Aliens in it. The Russians wouldn’t let anyone in to see, but there was talk that they were all having a party.

Satellites can only tell you so much, no matter what outrageous lies they tell you. They could see a big groove in the earth and a pretty un-meteorite looking spacecraft sitting at the end of the ditch. Unfortunately, it had clipped some buildings on the way in and it was rumored that around 200 had died. The USGS Earthquake center indicated a quake at 2 on their instruments at the time of the impact.

With weed being legal in every state but Alabama, few seemed to have noticed, or even cared that this new Ganja was far more potent than kids had in the 60’s, plus there was a little somethinsomthin extra in it, the upshot being that no one that used the stuff had any thought of violence or mayhem. I’m not a user, never have been, and I don’t let the girls and their friends use it either because my fundi roots still kick in at times.

Me, I’m too old for it to matter at all, but for reasons that no one understands, I look like I’m in my early 50’s and act like I’m an 18-year-old party girl. So what, get over it. I feel good and plan to have fun until I feel the moldering dirt hit me in the face. Somehow, my retirement check keeps coming, though it is almost impossible to get gas. The Electricity had stopped a month ago, but the gas kept coming for heat, though the furnace wouldn’t go. I’d scrounged a couple of gas space heaters and that’s what we used. The water kept coming but we boiled any of it that we were going to drink or cook with. In our town, almost all of the city water was gravity fed, and didn’t need pumps in most sections.

The women I knew quickly figured out that not wearing lots of clothing was trouble, so most of us looked like a throwback to the 19th century. One of my girls had come home sobbing and upset that three boys had tried to do things to her. She’d been going to self-defense class since she could walk almost, so you can guess that it didn’t come out well for the boys. And now, going out alone just revealed you as a fool. When the girls and I went to the store to see if they had anything, it was always the four of us together, and I carried my, more than a hundred-year-old pistol in the folds of my skirt. It was hard to get ammunition, so I was careful about that.

Like I said, I’d been sipping my Schnapps when Jane, the oldest came out and said she needed some groceries. It was time for my walk anyhow, so I handed her my half full drink and asked her to put it in the cooler. Sure, we didn’t have any ice now but at least it would keep the flies out of it. I had a very quiet little generator that would run the refrigerator, but we were low on gas, so we had shut it off this morning. She looked at my drink and drank it all. I knew she was nervous about going out, so maybe the drink would help summat. I had come off the porch and crossed the street when one of the neighbor boys came out of their house holding this very modern looking Military rifle with two barrels, two bolts and one of those modern sights that let you shoot at night.

“Hey Gwen, can you tell me why this won’t fire?”

Me I’m an old post op tranny that passes really well, but most of my neighbors know my sempər fiˈdālis past. Yeah, a lot happened, and no one was happier than I when it was over. I came out with a new right leg and a hand that could turn lug nuts without a wrench. I never talked about it unless someone got me a little tipsy, or a lot … you decide.

I looked at the piece and recognized it to be one of the weapons that very few operators carried, and lethal as you’d ever want. I opened the front bolt and found these little rounds in there; obviously not the right ones. There should have been Sausage size .50 rounds, and these were smaller than an M-14 7.62 round. I was about to open the rear bolt when two military rigs pulled up and stopped in front of my house. The girls were just coming down the steps and after he said something to them, they turned and ran back into the house.

That immediately aroused my ire, so I walked up to the street side of his rig and put the barrel of the rifle in through the open window. “Hey, dumb ass, what did you say to my girls?”

“That wouldn’t be any of your business old lady.”

That was just enough to get me to fire a round into his bare metal cab and then listen to the shotgun balls rattle around in there.

When the smoke cleared, he was picking at a buried ball in his left cheek.

“You sit crazy, old lady !!!”

“You bet and the next one goes right in your ear.”

From the driver’s window of the larger vehicle in back came, “Hey hank, you want I should take care of this bitch?”

I said, “He’ll be dead before you can get a shot off. Clear your weapon now, soldier.”

The driver from the front rig said, “We aren’t real soldiers, we just took these trucks from the armory. The gate was open, and no one was around.”

“That’s fine, so my advice to you is to get yourself out of here while you yet breathe.”

The one from the rear vehicle just had to try me again. “What says we won’t go get one of those big tanks and run your house over?”

I’d had enough of this twit, so I ran down the side of his rig and jumping on the step, reached in and pulled him up to me by putting a couple fingers inside his cheek and pulling. We came face to face with him hitting at me with his left fist. I used my “special” hand to grab that arm and started crushing. He accommodated me by screaming like a little girl.

“So far, I don’t think anything is broken but this arm is going to be bruised and painful for a while. I think I told you to stand down before. What part of that did you not understand? I don’t care if those tanks are sitting there, but someone as stupid as you couldn’t even get it started, let alone drive it. And, you haven’t seen the toys I have. Do you actually want to try my patience further?”

I stepped down and moved across the street to the sidewalk. Jimmy, the neighbor boy was still standing there, but he seemed to be in shock or mezmerized.

Shortly, both trucks started up and they left the neighborhood like they were being pursued by legions of the Shatin’s evil Jenn daemons. Because of all the drugs the Military used on me I became a sort of pretend Muslim, and violent when aroused.

I yelled across the street, “Come on girls, let’s go to the store”.

The three of them came trooping out looking like a litter of Cheshire cats. “We knew that you would think of something Gwen”.

We went on down to the store, about a mile away, and got about half of what we needed. Thankfully, my bank was still open, and they had cashed my check, giving me $1000 in cash, with the rest going into my savings, though I didn’t know if I could ever get to it. Plastic cards had stopped working as soon as the ancient Abrams tanks had started busting up the White House.

When we got back from the store, sure enough, someone had broken the front door window. When I talked to Jimmy, he said that the two idiots had come back and done that. When we went into the house, an undischarged hand grenade was laying in the hall. They hadn’t pulled the pin. I figured that they were just too stupid for me to kill.

That night after dark, the girls dressed in camo pants and cute tops, and I went over and got Jimmy and we all went down to the Armory, about 2 miles away. I wasn’t that surprised to find the idiots passed out in one of the interior offices. Later, we hung them on the back doors of an east bound Semi, and paid the driver not to “discover them” until at least the Mississippi.

The Armory was largely undisturbed save for the two trucks that our friends had run nearly out of fuel.
I signed out for a case of .45 ACP, very surprised that they had that. We also got a 50 Barret and a gun that fired the new antitank rounds. Jane and the girls got rifles. She promised to show them how to handle them, though where they would shoot them without attracting attention was a mystery to me. Little did I know that she had been seeing a City Cop and they’d all been to the indoor range before things went too crazy. Parents never seem to know anything do they? We also signed out a couple of large hand trucks and a flight line cart to bring our legally signed out goods home.

Uh well, I’m not actually their parent, but since we all fell in together when they were very young, and I’d taken care of them, I was Mom. It wasn’t a bad life for a failed Fundi Missionary that had fallen deep into sin, according to her family and the incensed church leaders. The truth of the matter was that since the powers that be had decided that my severe PTSD from lots of combat, was likely to kill me, they’d just load me up with mind altering drugs and got some loony lesbian counselor to tell me that I had GID. After that it wasn’t long until I was living as a woman and had the surgery and then they used an experimental drug on me that sort of cemented it all. I didn’t feel like there was anything to complain about.

Just before our midnight dinner tonight, Jane’s LEO friend showed up at the house to check on her, so she introduced me. We were all still in our Hellraiser clothes, though he’d surreptitiously seen us all in our “frontier” garb. He’d been conducting surveillance on us for weeks and had seen the incidents of earlier in the day with a tiny drone. I’d heard that persistent humming but just wrote it off to a bee’s nest or something.

He felt that we had natural “skills”, and wanted to use us in the movement to form a new government with no parties. By now, the whole country was adequately sedated enough to realize that the stupid, selfish and self-serving actions of a few had gone on long enough. Pursuant to the agreement of most, his group had met, they decided to start from scratch. The capitol would now be along the Mississippi somewhere in the Midwest. The elected representatives would get a small stipend and a coed dorm to live in while the government was in session; not more than 6 months a year for the voting part. A greatly reduced staff would run the day to day things. I had no idea what they would do with the lobbyists.

Jane’s pet peeve seemed to be the messing with the environment, and when she got going, she was a fire brand to behold. Maybe she’d be in the government?

Later as the groups studied, they found the population center of the US to be in Plato, Missouri. They still don’t know exactly where it is going but there is consensus that it will not be in DC. This morning as I was eating breakfast alone, I was having the forbidden, haram Bacon and eggs and pancakes of my own design, I noticed that the patchy Internet was saying that they were talking of NO permanent structures for the Capitol; that born out of frustration with the excesses of the previous government. Someone suggested a tent city in eastern Colorado. Hmmm.

The girls and LEO were off doing what young people do. I'd have liked to go out to play too, but was not invited. Maybe I'd read "The Foundation Trilogy" of some other 50's Sci Fi. I would have ridden my bike out somewhere but now days I wasn't sure it was safe yet.

About then, the batteries on my laptop died, so that was the end of the news. We used solar cells to charge things, and the batteries going dead that early in the morning indicated to me that one of the girls was running things when she should have been sleeping. Nope, I was not asking.

They weren’t worried about the Russians any more, who seemed fully occupied with drinking Vodka and entertaining the nice Aliens. China was just wanting to get things going again so the west could finance them by trade.

or not?