The next two weeks went much faster then I, and I think even Amy, wanted them to. Amy and I walked to and from school together every day. We all graduated from junior high school on that last Friday. And there was a big party planned for Saturday to celebrate all of our friends making it to high school. Plus, it was going to be a surprise going away party for Amy and her family.

The Saturday of the party, my parents, Amy’s parents, and her brother had gone on ahead to the park. The largest pavilion had been rented for this party, as there was going to be a lot of people there. This pavilion was nice, it was a covered area with picnic tables, a big fireplace, and it was attached to a lodge that was nice. It had indoor restrooms, a full kitchen, and some tables with chairs. But we weren’t using the lodge.

All of our friends and their families would be there. Amy and I decided to walk to the park.

As we slowly walked towards the park, we didn’t talk. I was thinking that this was probably going to be our last walk to the park. At the trail-head, Amy said, “You know Tommy. This may be the last time that we walk to the park together.”

“I was just thinking that.”, I replied.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m going to miss these walks.”

“Me too.”

I stopped, took Amy by the shoulders, looked into her eyes, and said, “I want you to promise me something?”

Looking back at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of hers, she said, “Tommy. I’d promise you anything.”

I smiled, and said, “I want you to promise me that you won’t let this move get to you. You are strong and smart. I don’t want to see that change.”

She smiled at me, and said, “Tommy, you are so wonderful. Yes, I promise you that I won’t let the move get to me.”

We hugged for a minute, then I took her hand, and we finished the walk to the pavilion hand in hand. We found all of our friends there and they were standing under a hand-lettered banner, that said, ‘Amy. We will miss you.' And, it looked like all of our friends had signed it.

When Amy saw the banner, she started to cry softly. She looked at our friends, and said, “You guys are just too much.”

“Amy.”, Maria said. “It’s the least we can do. You have been a great friend. We are all going to miss you.”

“Thank you, guys. I'm going to be leaving my heart here.” And she squeezed my hand.

At one point during the party, Maria took me aside, and whispered to me, “I know where Amy’s heart is going to be.”

“Where?”, I asked her.

She smiled, touched my chest with her hand, and said, “Here.”

“You think?”

She said, “I don’t think. I know.”

The party was great, lots of food, fun games, and a fun time.

After the party, Amy and I decided to take our favorite walk in the park. It was the walk that took us past the lake. When we reached the lake, we sat on the bench. After a few minutes, an Eagle appeared overhead, and then another one.

Amy looked up, and said, “I'm glad the Eagles showed up.”

“Me too.”, I replied.

“And there’s two of them.”

“I know.”

“Like you and me.”

“Like you and me?”

“Uh huh. Two free spirits.”

In a shy way, Amy said, “Tommy. I want something special to remember you by.”

“What?”, I asked.

She looked up at me, took my face in her hands, and said, “My first real kiss.” Then she kissed me.

This was my first kiss too. It was a little awkward, but it was nice. Very nice.

Then I kissed her. She looked at me and smiled. And we sat there just holding each other a little longer.

As we stood up, I noticed that the Eagles had flown off. Not together, but in opposite directions.

Early the following Wednesday morning there was a moving van in front of Amy’s house, and they started loading it. I just stood in their front yard and watched. After a little while, Amy saw me, walked over to me, stood next to me, and held my hand. We didn’t say anything. After a few minutes, her mother saw us, and called to Amy, “Amy. I’m sorry. But we need you to help with some final packing.”

“Okay, mom. I’ll be right there mom.”, Amy said.

Amy looked at me, gave me a quick kiss, and ran after her mother.

I spent most of the day sitting on the porch watching them load the moving van. Early in the afternoon, they started closing the doors on the moving van. I walked over to Amy’s front yard and stood there. A few minutes later Amy’s family started getting into their car.

I started walking over to the car to wish them a safe trip. But Amy walked up to me, and whispered, “Hold me.”

We held each other until Amy's mother said, “Sorry kids. We need to go. It's time to say goodbye.”

We broke our hold with each other, and then looked at each other. We were both crying. Then Amy, very quietly, said, “Goodbye Tommy.”

“No. No Amy.”, I said. “It’s so long. For now.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. Goodbye is too permanent.”

With a little smile, she said, “Then, so long, Tommy. ... For now.”

She gave me a quick kiss, placed something in my hand, closed my fingers over it, and whispered, “Something for Tammy. Don’t look until I'm gone.”

She gave me another quick kiss, turned, ran to the car, hesitated, looked back at me, blew me a kiss, and got into the car. I waved to them as they pulled out. I could see Amy crying as she waved back at me. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, as I thought, ‘God I hope it’s only so long for now.’

I watched until the car was out of sight, and they were on their way to Minnesota. Then I turned, looked at their house with the for sale sign still in front of it, and felt lost. Very lost.

I looked at my closed hand, opened it, and saw what Amy had given me. She had given me, actually Tammy, her favorite necklace. It was a simple fine gold chain with a gold heart on it. I felt the tears in my eyes.

I need to take a walk. I walked to the park. It was a lonely walk. I took the lake trail. When I reached the lake and that bench, I didn’t sit. I just stood there and looked at the bench. I thought over everything that had happened at that bench. I thought of Amy. I couldn’t stand to be here.

I turned and ran back down the trail and all the way back home. I walked into the house and went to my room.

I looked at Tammy clothes and dressed as I had the day of the accident. A cute bra and panty set. The poodle skirt. The black blouse with the letter “T” on it. The ankle socks. The saddle shoes. The blond wig. The glasses with black frames. And a coating of the pink lipstick that Amy had given me. But I added something, the fine chain necklace with the heart that Amy had just given me.

I walked into the kitchen and fixed myself something to drink. Then went out onto the porch, to sit, and read. I didn't get very far in the book. I read the same page over and over.

A few hours later my mother and father came home, and I met them at the back door. My mother looked at me, and said, “They’re gone. Aren’t they?”

I just nodded yes. Mom hugged me, and said, “Miss her already. Don't you?”

Again, I just nodded yes.

“Come on and help me with dinner. Be sure to put on an apron to keep your clothes clean.”

Mom and I made a nice dinner, and I stayed as Tammy until bedtime. As I was saying goodnight to my mother, I asked, “Can you get me a nightgown?”

“Sure honey.”, she replied. She hadn’t even questioned me about it, but just agreed.

I continued my walks, even in the park, but I planned them so as not go near the lake or the lake trail,

The first letter arrived from Amy a little over a week after she’d left. It was like she was writing a diary. She had an entry for every day, and this letter covered about a week and a half. The first day she wrote about, was the day they left, and it included how she felt about leaving. It made me cry.

Then she wrote about spending a night at a motel, and an additional day of travel, then staying in a motel until their furniture was in the new house. It also covered the next week up to and including Friday. Then she would add some cute, personal, thoughts at the end. All of her letters would be like that, covering things that happened for a week from Saturday through Friday, and always had some cute, personal, additional things. Her letters would arrive every week like clockwork.

Since I now had her address, I started doing the same thing. Kind of a diary of what was happening to me. Every year I’d send her the craziest birthday card that I could find. She would send me a very sweet one. On Valentines Day we exchanged cards, and they were always sweet.

In the first letter that I wrote, I added, ‘Tammy said, thank you for the pretty necklace. And that she just loves it.’

We did write every week over the next four years, and we told each other everything. About school, about our families, about the day to day things, and even about dates. She also asked from time to time how Tammy was, and I’d tell her. Sometimes we enclosed a picture. I even sent a few of Tammy.

Tammy did become a regular visitor. Maybe I was using her as a replacement for Amy. But I knew that Tammy could ever replace her.

Over time Tammy’s wardrobe grew. Not much, but a little. My mother would surprise me every once in awhile with something cute. I also learned more about makeup from my mother and cousin. I began to get good at different looks. I could do a good school girl look, a cute evening look, and even a sophisticated look.

My parents came to expect Tammy being around, and they treated her as a daughter. Once my mother asked me if I wanted to be a girl, I smiled, and told her no that I just enjoyed looking like one.

My Cousin Mary kept trying to talk Tammy into going out shopping with her. It took some real persuasion to get me to go. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go out in public. My biggest fear was someone seeing me as a boy in a dress. My cousin and aunt, and even my mother kept telling me that there was no way except for my voice.

Male puberty did rear its ugly head. Seeing that my grandmother on my mother's side is a full-blooded member of the Navajo Nation, I've developed only very light body hair and no facial hair. So, I didn't have to learn to shave. Some of my friends hated me for it.

One day, during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, as my mother was getting ready for work, I asked her to take me to my aunts for the day. As I sat in the car, carrying a cute outfit and a travel case, my mother asked, “Going to spend the day as Tammy?”

“Yeah.”, I replied. “Mary finally talked me into going shopping. I think I’ve worked up the courage to do it.”

She smiled, and said, “It’s about time.”

“Yeah. I’m still worried about someone figuring out that I’m a guy.”

“Honey. I don’t know why you worry. You, for some reason, can look like a pretty girl. You even act like one. Just don’t talk too loud, believe in yourself, and you should be fine.”

“Mom. I still don’t understand why you are so accepting, and why you even like me doing this?”

“Like I’ve told you. I understand that it's part of you. You have a feminine part to you. When she's here, your happy. When you're happy, I'm happy. Besides, it's been fun to have a daughter, even a part-time daughter, around the house.”

“It is fun. But, you know, ... I still miss doing it with Amy.”

“I know you do honey. You two had some real fun with it.”

My mom walked into my aunt's house with me, and after the usual greetings, my mother said to my Cousin Mary, “You take good care of my daughter.”

“Don’t worry Aunt Jean.”, Mary replied. “I won’t let anything happen to my little sister.”

After my mother had left, I changed into Tammy. The usual glasses, wig, panties, bra stuffed with nylons, a cute skirt and top, my pink ankle socks, and saddle shoes.

I dressed and did my makeup by myself. When I walked out of my aunt’s spare bedroom, and my aunt and cousin saw me they both shook their heads. My cousin said, “Tammy. If I didn’t know better.”

“If you didn’t know better what?”, I asked.

“Honey.”, my aunt said. “If we didn’t know you were a boy, we’d think you were a real girl.”

With a faked surprised look, I asked, “I’m not a girl!?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure I’m not a girl?”

“No little sister. I’m not sure.”, my cousin said.

I just grinned.

Mary had her driver's license, so she was going to drive us downtown. Like girls will do, Mary and I chatted on the way downtown. I was getting very nervous. This would be only the third time that I'd been out dressed as a girl. I was still worried about being seen as a boy dressed in girl's clothes.

As we parked the car, I said, “Mary. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Tammy. Love.”, Mary said. “Are you’re still worried about being seen as a boy?”

“Yeah.”

“Little sister. Don't be. How many times have we told you that you not only look like a girl, but you walk like a girl, and you act like a girl. I don't know how you do it, but you can become a very pretty teenage girl that any boy would be happy to be seen with.”

“That worries me too. Boys. I don’t like boys.”

“I know. If you’re going to do this, you need to learn how to handle boys. And that will come with time. And as a first lesson, just ignore them.”

“What if I see someone that knows me. I do have a lot of friends.”

“Tammy. When you look in a mirror, do you see Tommy?”

“I guess not.”

“Sweety. No guess. There is no sign of Tommy. I don’t know where you hide him, but you hide him very well.”

Why don't I believe in myself? I took a deep breath, and said, “Okay. Let's do this.”

We started walking down the main street towards the stores. I just love the sights and sounds here. The smell from the peanut shop just drove me crazy.

I asked Mary, “Where are we going first?”

“Well little sister.”, Mary replied. “You love shoes. Right? Right. So, we’re going to find you your first pair of heels.”

“Really!”

“Yes. There’s a nice shoe store just down here.”

We walked into the store, and one of the clerks met us with a “Good morning ladies. How may I help you?”

Mary replied, “We’re looking for my little sister’s first pair of heels.”

“I see. So, if this is her first pair, we don't want to go with a very high heel. I think that maybe something with a one-inch or a one-and-a-half-inch heel would be good for her first pair of heels.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Let me show you what we have. Then we can measure her foot and find her the correct size. Please, follow me.”

We followed the clerk through the store to an area where they had young girls shoes. There was a lot of cute things. I saw something that I really liked. It was a black shoe with a one and a half inch heel, that had a box toe, and a strap that ran up to an ankle strap. Mary saw me pick them up, and asked, “Like those?”

I just smiled.

The clerk saw us looking at the shoes, and said, “Those are very nice shoes and would make a good first heel. Would you like to try them?”

I quietly said, “Yes.”

“Good. We'll need to measure your foot, and then I'll see if we have a pair in your size.”

She led us over to a group of chairs, and Mary and I sat down. The clerk, as she handed me something, said, “Honey. Take off your shoes and socks, and slip on these shorty nylons, and then we’ll measure you.”

I removed my shoes and socks and slipped the shorty nylons onto my feet. This was a different feeling. The clerk moved a stool over, picked up a measuring device, and measured my foot. When she had finished, she said, “My dear you have a very nice foot. You have a foot size of a seven average, and we probably have that shoe in your size. I will be right back.”

The clerk stood and walked to the back of the store. As she left us, Mary said, “Those shoes are cute, and your feet are smaller than mine. I wear an eight.”

“Is that bad?”, I asked.

“No. At least I won’t be borrowing your shoes.”

“Maybe I could borrow yours.”

With a grin, she said, “No.”

The clerk was back quickly with two boxes, and as she sat down, she said, “I brought back two sizes just in case the first doesn’t fit correctly.”

She took a shoe out of the first box, and as she slipped it on my right foot, she said, “These may be a little tight at first, but being leather they will stretch a little as you wear them.”

Once she had the shoe on my foot, she fastened the ankle strap, and asked, “How does that feel?”

“Good.”, I quietly said.

Then she put the other shoe on my left foot, and said, “Stand up and walk around in them. And we’ll see how they feel.”

I stood up, and it was a little strange having your heels a little higher than your toes. And the shoes felt good. As I sat back down, I said, “They feel good. And I like them.”

We paid for the shoes, and as we were leaving the store, the clerk told us to come back and see them. We walked a little further down the street, and to a really upscale lingerie store and went in.

Here I was, looking like a girl and in a lingerie store. I could look at and touch things without being worried, like when I was a boy, and talk about all kinds of pretty things. I was in heaven.

Mary and I walked around the store looking at all kinds of things. Then Mary said, “You know little sister. You just purchased your first pair of heels, and I know you have outfits that they will look really good with those shoes. You do need something else.”

I looked at her, and asked, “Something else?”

“Nylons.”

“I’ve never worn any.”

“I figured as much. Look at the mannequin right behind you.”

I turned, looked, and then said, “Oh wow. Really?”

“Yes. You have really nice legs now. With something like that, they’d look great. Especially with those new shoes.”

“Even the belt thing.”

“Yes. That’s a really fancy garter belt. You won’t need one like that for a while. But you do need something to hold the nylons up.”

“Okay.”

Once we picked out a garter belt and nylons, Mary whispered, “We also think that you need to go up a bra size.”

“Why?”, I whispered.

“Look at your mother, my mother, and me, we all have bigger breasts than you do. A girl usually follows close to her mother in breast size. Your mother is a 36-C, and so am I. If you were really a girl, you would probably be in a B cup by now.”

“Oh.”

When we left the store, I had a couple of pairs of nylons, a garter belt, and two new bras in a larger cup size. There was something else had caught my attention when we were looking at bras, that I wasn’t sure about, I'd have to ask mom about it.

We stopped at a nice little cafe just off of the main street for lunch. Then we headed back to Mary’s house.

As we were driving, we chatted about our morning, and then Mary asked me, “Tammy. Have you heard from your friend Amy?”

“Sure.”, I replied. “We write every week.”

“Every week!?”

“Uh huh. We promised each other that we would, and we have.”

“Wow. You must really love that girl.”

I felt something that I’d never felt before, and I just sat there.

“Tammy. Tammy honey. Are you all right?”, Mary asked.

“Ah. Yeah. I'm okay. But ... But I've never thought about it that way.”

“What?”

“Being in love with Amy.”

“Oh come on!”

“No. Really. I’ve never thought about her that way. We were only thirteen when she moved away, and it was just never said. Our mothers did have a talk with us about being so young and getting too serious. I guess we had the talk because we spent a lot of time together. We told them that we were just best friends.”

Mary didn’t say another word, but pulled into a parking lot, parked the car, turned, and looked at me for a few seconds. Then she said, “Tammy honey. You said that you and Amy were just best friends.”

“Uh huh.”, I replied.

“Just best friends. I think there was more to it than that. Honey, don’t you realize that when a boy and a girl are best friends that they are the truest of lovers.”

“Oh.” I sat there in thought for a few seconds and then said, “So. You think Amy and I were really in love back then?”

“Honey. Yes. You may not have known it. But I think you were. Maybe it started as puppy love, but it may have grown into romantic love. If you’ve written to each other every week over the past year, there’s more to it than friendship.

“Has the tone of her letters changed?”

“No. I don't think so. Amy always has something sweet and personal to say at the end of each letter. And signs it with an, I miss you. Come to think of it, some of the things that she has written have become sweeter.”

“Has yours changed?”

“No. My first letters weren’t good. But as I wrote more I became better at expressing myself, to her, in the letters. I’ve also signed all my letters the same way, with an I miss you.”

“Do you mean it, when you say that you miss her?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Do you think she does?”

“Yes.”

“Do you dress as Tammy to try and forget her?”

“No. Actually, with what Amy and I did, it reminds me of her. Plus, doing this helps me relax.”

“I’m going to call you Tommy right now. Tommy, I really do think that you two were, and probably are still, in love with each other. Will it last? Will it be the same if you ever see each other again? I don’t know. Only time will tell.”

I sat there in thought again for a minute, then said, “Yeah. Maybe you’re right. I just hope that I can see her again.”

“Have you thought about going and seeing her?”

“Yeah. More than once. But I don’t have the money.”

“You’re still working part-time. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah. But I have to put most of it aside for college.”

“Have you found another girl that you like?”

“No. Not really. There are some girls in my group of friends. But none that I feel as close to as I do Amy.”

We finished the drive to Mary’s house, and as we walked in my aunt asked, “You girls must have had a good morning of shopping. You have bags from some of the better stores.”

“We sure did Aunt Linda.”, I replied. “A new pair of shoes, nylons, two new bras, and a garter belt.”

“Nylons and a garter belt!?”

“Uh huh. Mary said I needed them with the shoes.”

“I guess. Though you’re a little young for that.”

“Mother.”, Mary said. “I was her age when I had my first nylons.”

“You’re right. I guess Tammy’s mother won’t be too upset.”

I looked at Mary, and said, “Come and show me how to use that garter belt thing.”

We ran up to Mary's room with my packages. She had me take my skirt and blouse off and showed me how to put the garter belt on and adjust it. Then my shoes and socks came off. I sat down, and she told me the proper way to put on nylons. The feeling of the nylons on my legs was out of this world. Then she taught me how to fasten the garter tabs to the nylons, and adjust the tabs to hold up the nylons.

Then Mary handed me one of my new bras. I reached behind me and unfastened my bra. Then I took the new bra, slipped my arms thru the bra straps, reached behind me, and fastened the hook and eye things. Mary smiled at me, and said, “You do that just like a girl would.”

I put my hands on my hips, scowled, and like earlier said, “Well! I am a girl.”

She just shook her head, walked over to her dresser, picked up a few nylons, tossed them at me, and said, “Catch little sisters! You’ll need a few more of these to make those girls grow.”

I stuffed my bra with a few more nylons, and it did look better. I put my skirt and blouse back on, and took my new shoes out of the box, slipped them on, and fastened the ankle straps. I stood up and twirled around. Mary smiled, and said, “Little sister. That is a really great look on you. Those girls even look better too. They fill the blouse out really nicely.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. The shoes give you a sophisticated look, and the fuller bra makes you look your age.”

When my Aunt Linda saw me, she smiled, and said, “Tammy. You look very nice.”

“Thanks. Aunt Linda.”, I said.

“Now I have something for you.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know honey. But it was time to update your look.”

“My look?”

“The rhinestone glasses aren’t for a sophisticated girl like you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, honey.” And my aunt handed me a box. The box had the ‘The Vamp' printed on it. And in small letters under that, it said, ‘New vamp eye-frame for the woman who understands the importance of the gentle art of flirtation.’

I opened the box, and there was a new pair of glasses in it. They were black with an up-swept front and oval shaped plain glass lenses.

I walked over to a mirror, took off my old glasses, and put on the new ones. I looked at myself. And I was seeing a new me.

I turned and looked at my aunt and cousin, they smiled, and Mary said, “Hi sexy.”

“Mary!”, my aunt said. “But, Tammy, that is a sophisticated look for you.”

“But mom. It’s also sexy.”

“I know. A kind of sophisticated, sexy look.”

I hung with my aunt and cousin for the rest of the day. When my mother picked me up, I was still Tammy. And when she walked into the house, she looked at me, and asked, “What’s different about you?”

I pointed to the glasses.

And, my mother said, “Wow! That’s a great look on you. But there’s something else.”

Then I pointed down at my new shoes, and said, “New shoes.”

“No. Something else.”

“New bra.”

“That’s it. You’re filling out that blouse much nicer.”

“Thanks.”

She stood back a little, looked at me, and said, “Nice shoes. Nice ... Nylons! Young lady, you’re too young for those!”

Mary, in a loud whisper, said, “And a garter belt.”

“A garter belt! Young lady, you are way too young.”

“Mom. Mary wore them when she was my age.”

“Hmm. I don’t know.

“Mom!”

“Okay. But only for special occasions .”

I pouted, and said, “Okay. I guess.”

On the way to pick up my dad, I guess I was a little too quiet. My mom asked, “You're awful quiet. Something on your mind?”

“Kind of.”, I replied.

“Care to share?”

“Sure. Mary and I were talking about Amy and our relationship. She made me realize something.”

“That you’re still in love with Amy.”

I looked at my mother, and said, “How did you know!?”

“Honey. Remember when the four of us had our talk, and both you and Amy told her mother and me that you were only best friends?”

“Yeah. Mary told me that best friend are the truest of lovers.”

My mother smiled, and said, “Yes, honey they are. When you and Amy told us that you were only just best friends, we knew what it really meant.

“And that day Amy came over in tears and we found out that they were moving away. When Amy asked us to leave you two alone for a little while, her mother and I talked.

“We agreed that being separated was going to be very hard on both of you. And I think it has been.”

“Mom. How could we have only been thirteen and in love?”

“Honey it happens.”

“Mary said something about puppy love.”

“It may have started as puppy love, and over time, even though you’ve been apart, it’s grown.

“I know you two exchange letters every week, and it surprises me that you’ve kept it up as long as you have.”

“We promised that we’d write each other every week, and we’ve kept that promise.”

“That’s remarkable. Have you ever told each other how you felt?”

“No. I don’t think, at the time she moved, that we knew what we were feeling.”

“I know she’s kissed you a couple of times.”

“It was only on the cheek. One of those times, I think it was her way of showing me that she was happy that we’d made up.”

“So, you’ve never shared a kiss?”

“Well. ... Amy was my best friend, and I treated her that way. We were at the park just before they left, and we did share a real kiss. Then she gave me a couple of kisses as we were saying so long when
“Honey. I really do hope that you two get back together.”

This year for Amy's birthday, along with the funny card I sent her a pretty fine chain necklace. She wrote me a special thank you, told me that she loved it and that it was very sweet of me to do. And that I shouldn't have done it, but Amy also sent me something for my birthday. That started us doing it every year.

I’m not going to bore you with the details of my life over the next three years. I did work at my Uncle Mark’s store and saved a lot of what I earned. My dad made me put most of it into savings for college. He also told me that he’d help with college costs, but I had to help too.

Tammy. Tammy was a regular visitor, but not having Amy here it wasn't as much fun. Tammy did help me when I was depressed. And my Cousin Mary had fun with Tammy when we could get together.

With me growing, Tammy's wardrobe did change. And like the rest of my family, I’ve never gotten very tall. In fact, all of my guy friends are taller than my five-foot-five-inch frame, and even a few of the girls.

One day after Mary and I had been shopping downtown, and I was alone with my mother, I asked her, “Mom. Can I ask you something that may be a little strange?”

“Sure honey. Anything.”, she replied.

“When Mary and I were at the high-end lingerie shop downtown. I saw something kind of ... well, kind of strange.”

“What was it?”

“Well, they had these things in one of the glass cases. They looked like plastic bags with glass beads in them, and the little sign with them said breast forms. What are they?”

“Well, honey. It's something ladies, who aren't well endowed, use to give them more up top. Why?”

“I don’t know. I was just curious.”

“We have them at the store. I’ve heard that they don’t feel very natural.”

“Oh. Kind of like the nylons.”

“I guess.”

“They probably don’t feel like real ones. Do they?”

“Probably not.”

A few days later as I walked into my room, there was a box sitting on my bed. And there was a note on the box from my mother, that said, “Honey. I thought that you might like to try these. Love mom.”

I opened the box, and there was a set of the breast forms, that I'd mentioned to her after seeing them in the lingerie store. I took them out of the box and looked at them. The instructions were easy to follow. It was to put an amount of glass beads into the form until it seemed right, seal the closure, and place in your bra.

What was the proper amount to put in each form? I guess I'll just try some, and see what it's like. I can always add more. I stripped and put on a pair of white panties and a white bra. Then I took one of the forms and poured some of the glass beads into it. I put in what I thought would be enough to fill the same space in my bra cup that the nylons did. Once I reached that point, I sealed the closure and placed it in my one bra cup. I put my usual nylons in the other bra cup.

I walked over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, the cup with the form in it didn’t look bad. In fact it looked better than the cup with the nylons in it. I lifted the cup with the form in it, and it didn’t feel too bad. So, I went back to my room and filled the other form and replaced the nylons in the other bra cup with the form. I looked down, and thought, ‘Not bad.’ So no more stuffing my bra with nylons.

During the summer break between my junior and senior years, Mary married a great guy. I was jealous as to how pretty she was in her wedding gown. She had kidded with me about being one of her bride's maids, and in my dreams I was. After the ceremony, as I was going through the receiving line, Mary gave me a big hug, and whispered, “Tammy would look wonderful in a wedding gown.”

I whispered back, “I’ve dreamed about it.”

During my senior year of high school, I found a red and white ‘57 Chevy Bel Air ragtop, and it was really cherry. For those of you that know about these things, it had a Chevy 283-cubic-inch fuel-injected V8 engine. It developed 270 horsepower. The transmission was a 4-speed manual.

I talked to my dad about me buying the Chevy. And he said that he’d help me buy it. But along with half the payment, I was also responsible for the insurance, yearly registration, maintaining it, and paying any tickets that I ended up getting. There may be a girl part in me, but the boy me likes cars. When I sent Amy a picture of the car, she just loved it.

My grades in school were good, actually very good, and I knew Amy’s were too. So, graduating from high school was no problem, and getting accepted into college was easy.

I was happy that the local university had accepted me into their electrical engineering program. And I was also doing a lot of reading about computers and how they would be the next big thing. My dad wasn’t too sure that computers would ever become very widely accepted. When I told Amy that I’d been accepted at the local university, she was very happy for me. But she would never tell me if she was going to go to college or not, and if she was going, where she was going. Girls.

It may sound like I was getting to the point of not missing Amy as much as I once did, and if you thought that, you would be very wrong. She was always on my mind. Whenever she told me in a letter that she had been out on a date with so and so, I felt a pang of jealousy. I knew that the dates with these guys didn't mean much to her. I had a lot of dreams with her in them. Maria and I had a lot of talks about her. When Amy and I both turned eighteen, we exchanged cards as we’d done over the past four years.