Easy Gum Easy Blow!
by: Catwoman & Cat.
part:278

I had vague recollections of Simon tucked in tight behind me during the night, but he was gone before I woke, only I didn't wake when he got up. I think I heard Tom going because his Landrover makes as much noise as a jumbo jet warming up. His car is ancient, apparently one of the pharaohs traded it in for a chariot, it's that old. The legend goes, if it is missing, arrange for a warrant to search Indiana Jones' garage.

I awoke at nearly nine o'clock, how was I going to function when I had to go back to work? I'd also have to go and see my GP to renew my medical certificate soon, as well. All this and Monica! I didn't know if that was enough to wake me up or send me into a coma.

I crawled out of bed, God I was still sore, and sat on the loo. It hurt a bit to pee. Then into the shower, wash everything, that hurt too, then dry most of me, douche myself over the bidet and apply cream, by which time, it felt as if I'd been dried with an oxyacetylene torch, in one very tender spot. I couldn't see myself riding a bike today, as an educated guess.

I tried jeans, but had to take them off before I even got downstairs. I needed to get some softer trousers. Back to skirts and boots, I didn't need tights with boots, so that was easier and healthier. Don't really like tights unless it's when I'm cycling or if the weather is very cold.

I made a quick breakfast and ate the last piece of toast while driving. I parked up and surprised Pippa.

"You still 'ere then?" I said as I walked into the department.

"Oh, look who's talking, the ninja whinger!"

We hugged and she promised to make me a cup of tea after I'd been to see my babies. She also giggled at my wiggling walk, well I was sore and it hurt to walk very far. You try it if you don't believe me.

Can a dormouse show affection? Dunno, not according to most animal behaviourists, but then what do they know? Sometimes I think they misunderstand what they see half the time anyway. Just think about Mad March hares, boxing and so on. Misinterpreted for years.

Anyway, back to our tale, Spike seemed happy to be handled by me and the technicians I spoke to, seemed to think she was well enough. I gave her a Brazil nut and she attacked it with vigour. Spoiled brat!

While she sat tickling my hands as she munched her way through the nut kernel, I took a quick look at the other animals in the unit. Most were still hibernating as they should be, although one or two looked as if they might be pregnant. It was too early, even with global warming, not enough food around.

Satisfied the unit could run without me for a few more weeks, I went off in search of Pippa and a cuppa. I found her in her office of all places, no sense of adventure.

"So how is Stella?"

"Not too good according to Simon, who called in last night."

"You going to see her today?"

"No, not today, Monica is going today."

Pippa looked at me, as if to ask several questions but I guess my, 'don't try it' look halted the thought in its tracks. Instead she said, "Where does Monica live?"

"Hampstead, with Henry."

"Oh, doesn't she drive then?"

"Not for the moment on account of her Porsche being in for repairs."

"She has a Porsche?"

"According to Henry, yes."

"Goodness, lucky dab!"

"Indeed, but I think I'll stick to my bikes, I have the equivalent of a Porsche already. You know, nought to six in four minutes."

"You silly bugger!" said Pippa, probably summing me up succinctly, well except for the 'B word.' "Wouldn't you like to try a Porsche?"

"Not especially, I don't need a phallic compensatory device, remember I already have my dilators. However, it's hard to get romantically involved with them."

"If they drove a Porsche, it wouldn't be." Pippa didn't seem to consider the total nonsense of what she'd just said. One of my dilators driving a Porsche! A bit too surreal for me.

I shook my head, it would appear working in our department had affected this nice young woman. Well the dormice get to ya eventually, except me of course, I was mad before I met them.

Finally, I set off for the station to pick up Monica - I just couldn't wait! That's sarcasm, just in case you missed it. She arrived after about ten minutes, the train was late.

She wore a bright, pillar box red coat with black hat and gloves and looked quite a bit out of place. We lunched at a pub on the way to the clinic. I didn't eat much, I was too fixated on Stella and I felt very worried for her.

Consequently, I didn't eat very much of the omlette I ordered. It didn't exactly worry me. Monica, on the other hand, attacked hers with gusto, and was soon eating all the bread rolls.

"Not worried about li'l ol' me are you, Cathy?"

"Eh? What did you say?"

"I asked if the reason for your poor appetite, was worrying about me molesting you?"

I blushed bright red and shook me head, "No, I was thinking about Stella, and how much I miss her."

"Want me to tell her?"

"You can if you like, but see how she is first."

"Don't worry, I can be quite discreet," she said, microseconds before I snorted tea all over the table.

"How is the operation doing?" She asked changing the subject.

"You mean how is it healing?"

"Well that as well?"

"As well as what?"

"You know," she said, nudging me, "how's your, you know?"

"Are you perchance referring to my libido and related subjects?"

"Exactly," she grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"I've put my name down for a closed order convent, who practise celibacy, why?"

She roared with laughter, which is quite difficult when swallowing a gin and tonic. "You are so funny," she said when she'd finished inhaling her drink.

"I'm deadly serious, have you seen you know, Simon's...." I coughed.

"Ooooh is he well endowed then?"

"The cows in the field across the way always look at him with great affection."

She was off again, roaring and giggling, half the pub was looking at us very suspiciously, sort of like we'd possibly escaped from an asylum. No matter how terrified I was of Monica's predatory sexuality, I had to admit she entered into everything with a gusto that made me feel somewhat apathetic in comparison.

She insisted on paying for lunch, saying, "It's Henry's treat."

"Does he know?"

"Oh yes, he told me to buy you lunch and told me that he hoped to be able to do it himself next time."

"He is very sweet, please thank him for me."

She smiled back and nodded, and we set off to see Stella.