A Faery Tale Wedding? Chapter 3: Rude Awakenings

“Uffl! Wurghh! Kiwi fruit” Belinda thrashed in panic, not knowing where she was for a moment as she awoke.

“Morning sleeping beauty”

“AHH!” Belinda sat bolt upright in panic, but Stefan's voice, to her enormous relief, was coming from the doorway and not from the bed beside her.

“What happened?”

“You were in no fit state to drive, so you slept over. I didn't have the heart to wake you though so it's nearly 10am.

“Oh my God! I'm late for work! I haven't called in -”

“No, your doctor did that for you. There is a certificate with your school now stating that you are suffering from acute food poisoning, too much so to be able to call in yourself.”


“Evil genius, remember? I called your school myself and used one of my programs to send a certificate from your GP's system.”

“Um, thank you, I think?”

“Are you OK, Belinda?”

“Are we alone in the house?”


“Then I'm Brian”

“No, I'm Brian of Nazareth!”

“Eh? Oh, I get it. Arrgh! Sorry, I think I'm still a little groggy.”

“I'd be surprised if you weren't. You were the life and soul of the party once you'd had a few glasses. “

“Sorry, I've really got to remember wine's stronger than beer, even if it is a bit of a girl's drink. Oh God, did I do anything embarrassing?”

“Not a thing,” replied Stefan reassuringly “You really helped make the evening go with a swing”

“Um,” said Belinda looking down at herself “Just how much of a swing?”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean why do I appear to be wearing your shirt as a nightie?”

“You didn't want to sleep in your clothes and you really didn't want to wander about topless. You were very emphatic about that. You kept saying you weren't that sort of girl.”

“And, what the -the heck is – is – is?”

“Oh, that!You told me you were worried you might get overenthusiastic about Tina or Arwen as the night went on, so I dug that thing out.”

“Why did you have this thing?”

“I ordered it for our date but it didn't arrive in time. Luckily it wasn't needed.”

The 'thing' in question was a little curved device which slipped over a vital part of Brian's anatomy and kept it tucked away and out of sight. It's clasp wasn't uncomfortable but it was very firm and very obviously not coming off without the key.

“How did we manage to have that conversation discreetly?”

“We slipped away from the party for a little while. I think everyone jumped to evil conclusions about what we were doing, but I'm quite certain nobody jumped to the right conclusion.”

“This is worrying. I've only met your friends twice and already I'm the group slut.”

“You are nothing of the kind. Everyone likes my new girlfriend.”

“Stefan! I keep explaining that I am not your girlfriend!”

“You're dumping me already?” Stefan smiled in a way that left Belinda torn between suspicion and laughter. There was something endearingly shameless about the sheer incorrigibility of Stefan's flirting. “Don't you remember promising to be my girlfriend?”

“In front of your friends, yes. We're alone now.”

“I know,” Stefan smiled “but it can't hurt to keep in practice, can it? Especially since you're going to be hostess for the party on Saturday.”

“Oh crap! I actually volunteered didn't I? God, I am such an idiot!”

“No, no you aren't,” Stefan sat on the bed and took Belinda's hands in his “Didn't you enjoy yourself last night.”

“As far as I remember? Yes, I had a wonderful time. It was a really good evening; thank you.”

“So, what's to stop us having just as good a time on Saturday?”

“Nothing” said Belinda a little shyly “I'm just a little sad I won't be able to make real friends with any of them. I mean, you can't really be friends with someone if you're not being the real you.”

“That's no problem. We'll just introduce Brian some time next week.”

“We can't! They'd recognise me instantly!”

“Not if we explain you're Belinda's brother, or cousin or something.”

“A brother or cousin who is never seen in the same room as Belinda? I've seen this sitcom episode. It never ends well.”

“I'll think of something. Trust me, I'm a genius.”

“And modest with it!”
“Modest and I made you breakfast. So get yourself changed and dressed – you know what I mean - we'll eat and I can finish showing you around the place, the way I was doing before we were so rudely interrupted.”

Five minutes later Belinda erupted into the dining room clad only in a towel and utter panic

“Stefan! These breast forms! They won't come off!”

“Well of course they won't come off just by tugging, the way you're doing. You need the solvent. “

“I tried. It isn't working!”

“But – oh shit! Which tube of adhesive did you use?”

“The red one.”

“The red one? Why didn't you use the yellow one like you did the first time?”

“It's almost gone, is why; I didn't want to mix them for fear of - of this happening. Anyway, I only had a few minutes to get ready. I didn't see you coming up with any bright ideas last night?

“Whoa! You're right, you were brilliant. I promise I'm not criticising. But the adhesive in the red tube isn't designed to come loose for at least a month.”

“A month?? I can't stay like this for a month!”

“Of course not. All you have to do is apply the right solvent.”

“Do you have it?”



“I sent everything to you along with the rest of the things for the party. Go and check if there's another red tube.”

Belinda turned and scampered away. Just moments later she was back.

“It isn't there. Stefan, what am I going to do?” Belinda pleaded

“Don't panic, I can easily order more.”

“Please do!” Belinda pleaded. Stefan flipped his laptop open and typed rapidly.

“OK, the good news is it's ordered.”

“Oh no, what's the bad news?”

“It'll take three to five days to get here.”

“Oh no!”

“I'm sorry petal,” Stefan looked at her with real regret as she subsided on to a chair clasping the towel firmly around her above the breastline “I promise everything will be fine. You were going to have to be ready for the party the day after tomorrow anyway. By the day after you can remove your err, whatchamacallits and just carry on regardless.”

“Did you just call my boobs 'whatchamacallits'?” Belinda said indignantly


It wasn't until much later that Belinda wondered why she should care.

“You're forgiven. I just don't know where to go from here.”

“Isn't it obvious? We have breakfast together, you get dressed, I walk you around the grounds, then we go get essential cooking supplies and a nice new outfit for you for the party.”

“Works in principle, but why do I need a new outfit?”

“Well everything you have has been seen. Don't you want a new outfit? It is a party after all.”

Belinda heaved a martyred sigh “Well if I have to be your girl again I suppose I should do it properly. Alright, let me get something on.”

'Something', turned out to be the full party dress, the sundress being too crumpled to wear and the layered skirt showing more leg than Belinda cared to display, but somehow she couldn't regret it. If I have to be a girl for the day Belinda thought to herself better to do it right.

“Um. What are you doing?”

“The dishes, of course. What does it look like?”

“I don't really do that. I mean, I have a lot and I can always wash a plate if I need it. I eat a lot of takeaways anyway.”

“Stefan! Firstly, eating take aways should be an occasional treat; it's not healthy to do it as a lifestyle. I know you're fit and healthy now, but you won't stay that way if you don't eat properly. Secondly, if you have a house like this you should clean up after yourself or it will turn into a giant slum.”

“No it won't. I call in maid services when it gets bad.”

“Stefan! That is not the point!”

“Are you telling me that what this place needs is a woman's touch?”

“Definitely. Stop laughing! I didn't mean me. I am not your woman. But since I'm doing a party here on Saturday I need everything to be clean and tidy.”

“I thought you were doing barbecue?”

“Unless you expect them to juggle two chicken wings, a lamb chop, a kebab, a sausage and a baked potato people still need plates. And that's without counting the salad course, the bread, the grapes and the vegetarian alternative. No one's a vegan are they?”

“Not that they've ever mentioned.”

“Thank Goodness. Vegans are impossible to cook for. Oh and I need to know if anyone is kosher or halal. Anything like that has to be prepared completely separately.”

“Half of them are pagans. “

“OK then, I'll start with a sacrifice and a libation.”


“Had you going”


“Temporarily. And by the way, I'm pretty sure that's a sexist term.”

Stefan spluttered with laughter. “I've seen your internet history and the footage you keep on your hard drive, remember? You are in no position to accuse anyone of sexism. Do you remember that girl you filmed wearing a collar and cat ears and nothing else? Do you remember what you did to her?”

“She enjoyed it.”

“It certainly looked that way. And then you dumped her as soon as you'd had your wicked way with her because – what was it you told her – oh yes 'I don't do relationships.' “.

“I know,” said Belinda, looking into the depths of the sink “I'm not a good person. “

“Hey! I didn't say you were a bad person, or anything of the kind.”

“No, but I do.”

“No, you did some bad things when you were a child. That isn't the same thing at all.”

“How can you say that? Look at all the pain I caused you,look at all the people I've hurt. Look at that poor girl you were just talking about. I wasn't a child then. “

“So be Belinda. Belinda's never done anything mean to anyone.”

“That sentence makes absolutely no sense. You can't be a different person just by choosing to be.”

“Really? So how else are you supposed to do it? If you don't like the things you've done, stop doing them. You can't change what you've done, but you can change what you do. All you have to do is take a decision and stick to it. “

“Just decide to be a good person? I wish it was that simple – oww! What was that?”

“Well you seemed intent on punishing yourself so I joined in. That was me spanking you. “

“Spanking me?? Oww! You did it again!”

“Feel better?”

Belinda narrowed her eyes “I can see I'm going to have to watch you. There's obviously some ways you're far more like me than I realised.”

“Au contraire. You were lamenting things you'd done to innocent people a minute ago. Doesn't that mean you deserve a spanking?”

Belinda gave her best death glare, but she was fighting to keep a smile off her face. Something about Stefan's mop of unruly curls and urchin grin made it almost impossible to stay angry with him for long.

“Probably, but just because I deserve something I don't think it automatically gives you the right to do it to me. Besides, I'm still evil, remember, “ she teased “I might do the same thing to you.”

Stefan's grin widened

“As you rightly say, we aren't children any more. I really don't think you could”

Belinda considered carefully. Stefan had certainly shot up and filled out since their school days. She still fancied her chances but proving physical superiority by force was exactly the sort of behaviour that made Brian a bad person

“Are you going to help dry these dishes?” Belinda said, quickly changing the subject.

“Can't we just leave them in the rack to dry?”

“No, because there is about three times as much washing up as the rack will hold; it's a miracle you don't have some sort of infestation. So stop moaning and give me a hand.”

“Yes dear”

“Hey! That isn't fair; I am not a nag. Besides, I'm the one doing the mucky bit. “

“You certainly are – your nail polish is coming off with all the scrubbing.”

“Fudge! Hey!”

Belinda yelped a little as Stefan embraced her from behind and hugged her warmly

“What's that in aid of?”

“Thank you for doing the washing up. And thank you for last night. And thank you for offering to do this barbecue on Saturday. And most of all, you're doing brilliantly as Belinda. Even to the point of saying 'Fudge!' when you want to swear.”

“Well I don't want your friends to think I'm a foul mouthed harridan, so I'm trying to be ladylike even when they aren't here. Otherwise I'm bound to make a fuc- a foul up, sooner or later.”

“Belinda come back!” Stefan shouted without warning. Belinda cried out in shock and then confusion as she realised she was not standing by
the sink but lying on an enormous four poster bed, with Stefan leaning over her, face wan with panic.

“Belinda, can you hear me?”

“I – I – what happened??”

“I said the trigger words that I was told would gently bring your memory back and you just collapsed! I carried you back to the house and you've been babbling and thrashing about for an hour. I was very worried; I mean I rang the hypnotist who blocked your memories of the transition in the first place and he swore you'd be fine, but even so, you and the girls have been planning this afternoon for ages, I figured you'd all be upset if you had to cancel it. Are you OK now?”

“I think so. Maybe. Only an hour? I was back, back at almost the start of all this, the night I came over after the ball.”

“But you have all your memories back now?”

“No. Only up until the morning after, the one when you called in sick for me. Oh crap! Does that mean this could happen again?”

“Hopefully. I mean, you want the rest of your memories back, don't you?”

“Wait. I need – I need to be sure of some things, before I say anything else. Where am I?

“In our bed, at Queen's Lake Castle.”

“Crap. So I'm definitely a girl again, not just dressed up?”


“And I'm your fiancee? I mean, I actually agreed, you aren't just pranking me?”

“Yes.” Stefan bent over and kissed her softly and for a few moments there were no more words before Belinda pulled her mouth away and continued

“And despite the fact that it's twelve by the clock and we've had sex twice today you still appear to be very randy?”

“We do have an hour before Tina and co are due to arrive.”

“Hmm. OK, last question for now. What am I supposed to be doing this afternoon.”

“You, Tina, Toni and Arwen are going to pick out a wedding dress.”

“Oh my God!!”

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