Dancing on Daddy's Shoes

by Mark McDonald

Chapter 17: The final chapter.

Authors Note: Is there a sweeter context in which to write other than irony? I don't think so. So perhaps it's appropriate that this story met with discontent when it felt as though I was dragging it out. I did a lot of writing here, on this piece before publishing this story. But the truth of it is that I have worked on this story collectively for two years. I have no less than seven versions of it. I have chapters and chapters of unpublished material that no one will see. Some of it was good, real good. Some of it, admittedly, was not so good which is why it didn't end up here.

This story began as I was beginning Skin Deep II and only now did I find the ending that I wanted from all the discarded scraps and ends and pieces. That was almost seven years from the time I started writing it. But most of it has been written for years. So no, I wasn't writing this as I went along. I knew exactly where I wanted it to go. Sometimes, I just couldn't figure out how to get there. Thank God for Tom Tom!

I did this story because I think there are fantastic universes created by other artists that can be explored in novel format that can truly be engaging, entertaining and show the complete range of human emotions that any author might want to bring to their readers. I wanted to demonstrate that in this story, in this universe. Bill Hart created a vast wealth of possibilities. All we need do is tap into them. How many more novels are out there waiting to burst free of the confines of their short story restraints, hundreds, thousands maybe? Only you know the answer to that.

I hope this story wasn't completely disappointing for everyone. I know there was much grumbling and gnashing of teeth when this story started. But I feel it is necessary to set the table before my guests come to eat. I may not have prepared the proverbial feast, but I hope that some of you walked away satisfied, your hunger tamed. At least for now.

And now, I give you the final chapter, Dancing On Daddy's Shoes

Thank you,

Mark McDonald

Chapter 17

Dancing On Daddy's Shoes

The hospital building shook through every floor. From the feel, it was a miracle that the entire structure had not caved in taking the sick and dying to a premature grave beneath the rubble.

* THA WUMP *

The sound of it made her shriek a muffled cry of alarm from behind the mask that was already melding its way deep within her face, changing her back into Kimberly Glass once and for all. The entire hospital building felt it had been dropped from a height of a few feet. From behind the mask, in the two feminine eye holes cut in the plastic, she could see two, fully functional, crystal clear, pale blue eyes jacked open as far as they could possibly be opened.

Outside the door in the room beyond, both Mrs. Clutter and the nurse who had come to her assistance, shrieked with the noise and vibration. Presumably, the nurse cried, "JESUS Christ, what was that?" and Kim asked herself, I not going to drag them along with me am I?

Kim found she had no interest if they were taken along for the ride or not. Now, through her struggles, she could see the water like ripples of distortion Ben had seen when he had put the mask on her four months ago. It was back on her, nine hours after Ben had removed it.

Her fingers found the edges were already gone, sunk beneath the flesh of her face even while the mask itself was still a visible and hard, restrictive surface on her face but she could see it also forming the now familiar features of Tim's feminine counterpart. Someone began pounding on the bathroom door. All this was going on, shouting from a male voice outside the door, presumably hospital security. The nurse was shouting for the man to "just get him out of here before she goes into arrest."

She could not breathe easily through the mask and the panic of feeling the transformation on her body from male to female, the lack of breathable air and the knowledge that this was irreversible was starting to squeeze her brain just as surely as a trash compactor might.

"Mumph! Mumph," she cried, Kim couldn't help but notice as her voice changed rapidly from Tim's deeper voice to her much higher tone. Outside the sounds of knocking and shouting, even the cries of "Rape" were diminishing into more distant echoes until they were finally gone.

Kim knelt on the floor, exhausted. When her lips were freed from their frozen plastic smile she gasped the deep rich pleasure of disinfectant laden, hospital room air. Clinging to the sink she felt she might cry out of gratitude. S he closed her eyes and drank in as much of the cool environmentally sterile air as she could until she was no longer heaving. When she opened her eyes, she saw her legs were now sticking out of a pair of tight pink capris, the same ones she'd put on this morning. The same one's she'd worn four days ago when Ben suddenly, miraculously emerged from his coma. She wore a pair of wrap around sandals that tied with the leather straps in front. Over her breasts she wore a white spaghetti strap tank. Her rich platinum blond hair hung down as she inspected herself. The image was a familiar shock and a thankful relief. She fought against her fatigue to stand. The girl's face that rose in the mirror was unmistakable.

She was back. As much as she was glad to be out of the situation of facing eternity at 16, she could not separate the sadness she felt for having to abandon such a large part of what and who she had once been. She was after all, only sixteen. She wondered if someone of much wiser years would have struggled as much as she had struggled to let go of her identity as Tim and embrace womanhood so suddenly as she had been forced to.

Kim braced her self on shaky legs, still not sound enough for comfort, but holding none the less. Fully erect, Kim once more examined herself. She place her hand flat on her chest and felt the familiar rise of the breasts that were, as of yet, unaffected by age or gravity. She slid her hand down her smooth fronted pants. No zipper. Kim felt along the back of the shorts and there it was.

Dread trickled into her heart, and she couldn't help laughing at herself a little because of it. She was still a little frightened of what now must be. She'd be Kimberly forever now. In the months since she had first become trapped in her body, Kim had come to love who she was, if not somewhat begrudgingly at first. Soon, the sense of ever being a young man named Tim Glass would fade into fond remembrance, and the uncertainty of being a girl would pass. But for now, there was still sixteen years of male history that had been obliterated. Kim knew she'd figure out this new role. But even this knowledge didn't expunge the fear of being made to be someone else, with an entirely different sexual identity, different tastes and most of all, expectations from the world around her.

As a thought, she placed her hands on the sides of her face and gave a healthy tug. "Mump!" she grunted. There was no give. "Thought so." The mask was gone.

She turned and opened the door to the bathroom, which, of course was now unlocked. She went out into the hospital room. Ben was sleeping. She had no idea of how long he'd been sleeping or what he might be aware of. If he could remember nothing of the event, then she would say nothing. She would tell him it did not work and the mask must be locked on now forever. She felt Ben could cope better with being stuck here, rather than being dead there.

Here, they had all had a second chance and things were more than good enough, they were fantastic.

She smiled softly glad to be home, glad to see his peaceful face as he rested. She crept to the chair where she'd sat watching him for so many weeks now. She felt comfortable in her body as she slid into the chair she sometimes shared with Sarah when they were both on watch.

The door creaked opened and like being conjured from some magical place, Sarah stuck her head in the door, "Pssst?"

Kimberly smiled, and waived her in. Sarah shook her off and waved for her to come into the hall. She check Ben before leaving, but he was fast asleep and snoring lightly now, so Kim left for the hall.

She greeted Sarah with a pleasant, glad to see you smile, "Hey,"

"Where have you been?" Sarah asked angrily. "We've been worried sick about you. Your mom and dad are going nuts. They called the police…"

"The police?" Kim exclaimed, "Ugh!" Just then Tom Glass stepped off the elevator down the hall. He turned in the direction of Ben's room, saw Kim and nearly Goose-stepped toward the two girls.

"Uh oh," Sarah said, "Time to die."

"Don't even say that in jest," Kim said gravely beneath her breath.

"Kimberly Lynn Glass, where on earth have you been young lady?" Tom's face was flushed, his eyes wild.

"Hi Daddy," Kim said as innocently as she could manage.

"Don't try being adorable with me Miss Thing. I'm pretty angry right now."

"Yes Sir. I'm sorry." Kim found herself on the edge of tears. Not just for disappointing this man she saw as a Great Man, but for everything. It had been a harrowing four months what had nearly ended with a permanent stop in a six foot mud pit. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Tom, seeing how terrified Kimberly was becoming dropped to one knee and folded her up in his strong arms. "Okay… shush. I'm sorry Princess. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just so worried."

At the sound of his nickname for her, she did breakdown. It was a flood of emotions that she had not dared let out before. As incident after incident had assailed both Ben and herself, she had tried to remain strong. After so much fear, so much uncertainty and destruction, to see the possible ending to it all simply overtook her with everything that it entailed. Every emotion was condensed in each tear. All the terror embodied in every sob.

Tom lipped to Sarah to go find Cindy and tell her Kim was Okay. Sarah nodded and took off in the direction of the elevators without another word.

Kim shook terribly, trembling with the force of it, unable to stop. After trying to sooth her for a few moments, Kim lifted her head away from his chest and for the first time in her life, she lied to him.

"I'm sorry Daddy. So much has happened. I just had to go some place quiet and think about it all. You know, in my own way." Kim sighed. Kim considered the fallacy she had just spun. She was happy to realize it wasn't a complete fabrication after all. She had gone someplace alone. There had been much thought about many things, all things in fact. And now, she was back from that place.

"I know Princess. Old men sometimes forget they aren't the only ones trapped in the experience. I watch you going through all these things, and I just worry…"

"… that you're going to lose me." Kim finished for him. "Yeah, I know." Kim laughed a phlegm choked laugh.

"Well, come on. Look at your track record Kiddo." Tom brushed a thick lock of hair from her face. "There, that's better. Now I can see those lovely…" Tom grimaced a bit, "blood shot eyes of yours." Kimberly barked a quick laugh at his joke and his funny face, and turned her head away.

"You're being mean," she said joking with him.

"Hey," he said sobering, "I really am sorry for coming off like a tyrant."

Kim lowered her head and raised her eyes to meet his in a sort of sly pretty girl way, "I'm fine Daddy. It's just been a lot to take in all at once. Maybe now we'll all get a break, huh?"

"Amen to that," Tom said wearily.

"You know though, if I had a cell phone, I could have called you."

Slowly, a large, all knowing smile broke out on both their faces. Tom nodded, agreeing silently. Kim was pleased that the excuse worked. She would say as little as possible about it later. Keep it simple stupid. Everyone needed a good KISS every once in a while.

A shriek came from the far end of the hall way as Cindy and Sarah stepped off the elevator, "KIMBERLY!" Cindy came running down the hallway, eyes ablaze with maternal anger. "Where in God's name have…"

"Cindy." Tom said softly.

"… you been. Oh, I'm so mad at you I could just shriek!"

"Cindy," Tom repeated.

"WHAT?" snapped Cindy.

"She's been right here the whole time.

"That… No Tom, we would have found her before now."

"She's going to be seventeen in a few months Cindy. What happens when she's eighteen and she doesn't want to be found? What are you going to do when she's an adult and she has a right to go pretty much anywhere she wants to? Are you going to yell at her like this?"

Cindy pressed her lips tightly together, furious with Tom's suggestion. She spared a glance at Kimberly and glared at her. "You're groun…"

"No she's not," Tom preempted calmly.

"Don't you dare tell me how to discipline my children!" Tom chuckled to himself at Cindy's rage. "This is not funny Thomas!"

"No, you're right. It's not, because you're going to drive her away eventually. She's going to grow up Cindy. It really doesn't matter if you want it to happen or not. In a couple of years, if she wants to move out, if she doesn't want to call you every night, then she won't have to." Cindy glanced to Kimberly in complete shock at the idea. "That's not to say she'll choose to do that. I don't think it's in her nature to be cruel. Just the same however, she will have the option to simply be able to refuse to keep you in the loop. Nicely I hope, but she can just not call. If you come at her like this, accusing her… of God knows what it is you think she's doing, then she'll just stop talking to you all together."

The pain in Cindy's eyes was remarkable. Her face sagged slowly and Kim fancied how her mother might look in twenty years or so. Cindy's lips parted slightly. She glanced around embarrassed, then at Kim. For a moment she struggled with some deep inner demon. It was a monster so dominate for so long that they could almost see trying to rip free of Cindy's body in protest. "I don't want to talk about this right now." Looking at Kim she snapped, "You scared me half to death. A phone call would have been the considerate thing, to let us know you were alright."

"Funny you should mention that," Tom said his face a mask of restrained seriousness. "We're going to take care of that very issue tomorrow, for all of us."

Cindy stood for an uncomfortable moment in the silence of the staring eyes of her daughter and ex-husband. "I supposed I'll go see how Ben is doing as long as I'm here."

Kim caught her mother's hand before she managed to walk away. "Mom," Cindy turned, still self-conscious, still a little angry. "I'm sorry I frightened you. I know it's no excuse, but I just had so much on my mind, I needed a little time and I…" Kim sighed terribly, "I guess I just got lost in it all."

Cindy's mouth worked, she bit her lip and finally a tender, touching smile bloomed from the place where only moments before there had been a scowl. She exhaled heavily, letting the frustration out in sheets, "Thank you Kimberly. I just love you so much. I don't know what I'd do…" Her words were choked of by the intense emotion behind that idea. Cindy looked away, her eyes damp, her lips working silently, as she struggled for control.

It was Kim's turn to wrap up her mother in her embrace and squeeze her tightly. Cindy threw her arms around Kim in return and they stood there, locked together as Tom and Sarah looked on from a short distance. When Cindy and Kim finally ended their embrace, Cindy saw the two there, standing and smiling. "You think you'd find something more interesting to look at," but the smile on her face spoke of so much more than her few short words of pride.

With that Cindy stepped into Ben's room and away from the smiling, consolatory eyes of her family, where she could shed her pride in private.

When Kim turned to her father, his eyes were glistening. He was on the edge of choking up once more, but this time, Kim had no idea why. "Daddy," She asked taking his hand, "are you Okay?"

Tom sniffled, "Uh yeah!" he said turning his smiling eyes to hers. "It's just that it looks like someday got here a lot sooner than I expected. That's all."

-*-

To Kim's great misfortune, Ben did remember removing the mask. That part of him could not be transferred back to Timothy's reality when she had transitioned back because there had been no Ben in Tim's world to transfer any experiences from.

About a week later, Kim was able to spend an extended amount of time with Ben alone. She explained what had happened on her return. It was not an easy thing to face again. Consequently she was forced to stop several times and collect her thoughts. Alone with Ben, the effects of the moment seemed far more intense now than they had been as they were actually happening. Ben suspected it was because, only now, after she had safely returned did she have time to actually think about the true implications. At the moment of transaction, most people are most eager to see their purchase and rarely stop to count their change. Being too busy trying to find a way out of the mess she had found herself in had been all consuming. There's not a lot of time to think about much else when you're fighting for your life.

Of course Ben was heart broken. But he didn't show Kimberly this side of his emotions. He would not burden her with something she could not fix. If she had the ability to do so, he would not have indulged it. It had been too close a call for her and Ben blamed himself for letting her do it. Now, the presence of this girl named Kim was so engrained in his idea of the way things should be, he could not imagine a world without her. He was part of something much larger than anything else he had ever before been a part of. He felt Kim was responsible in large part for this extraordinary gift.

Perhaps Kim sensed this and they shared a good cry together, as best friends often do in these moments. When at last their mutual commiseration was over and a past that had never happened put to rest, Kim kissed his forehead lightly, took her place in the chair beside his bed, "I don't think you heard this entire book," Kim said as she cracked open the cover of dog-eared copy of Watership Down. "So I'll start it from the beginning."

They never spoke of the mask again or the lives they had both lived previously. There was no real reason to now.

Ben entered therapy three weeks after regaining consciousness. The work was painful and frustrating. It was three months passed before anyone could come to the determination if Ben would ever regain used of his paralyzed limbs. After that, the hospital opinion universally agreed that Ben would probably never walk again. But just two weeks after that, Ben surprised everyone by managing to flex his left leg up three whole inches at the knee, unassisted. The physician examining Ben was so startled she literally jumped backward spilling a plastic tray of hermetically sealed supplies.

After regaining her composure, she asked him if he could do it again. Smiling, Ben honored the request with a five inch lift. Ben however, was not smiling at the end of the exercise. The physician could see the effort had been a painful one for Ben, which was an even more encouraging sign.

Ben admitted that Sarah had been practicing, providing resistance against his leg, helping exercise it when he wasn't in therapy, impressing this therapist. He tried to make her promise that she would keep his secret until later. While she made no real promises to hide his development, she also did commit to not making it a matter for the 11 o'clock news.

That November, the families spent Thanksgiving at the hospital with Ben. It was as sorrowful as it was joyous. Ben could remember the Thanksgivings he'd had in this past as clearly as he could those from Timothy's reality. In each, his mother had always tried to bring the greatest amount of happiness to his holidays as she could provide. Not having her to share this with him was one of the hardest things he'd ever experienced.

The Becklock's catered the event with a 31 pound bird and all the trimmings. They even allowed champagne for a toast to a grand future for all of them. Kim drank two glasses of the rich bubbly, relishing the way it tickled her nose. Cindy had watched disapprovingly, but much to her credit, said nothing. It was with no small measure of satisfaction that Kim's mother found Kim in bed the next morning with a horrendous headache. Right then and there Kim groaned that she would never drink anything like it again.

Christmas came and again the champagne flowed. Once again Kim drank two glasses, caught up in the moment and the next day regretted it even more.

By February of the next year Ben was walking with assistance. His steps were small and labored but he was walking. On the 22^nd of that month, they gathered again to help Ben celebrate his 17^th birthday. On April 9^th, the Becklock's threw a surprise birthday party for Kimberly at St. Anne's.

Kim arrived after school as she did everyday, to visit. There was not much she could do to care for him now. He and Sarah had become very close now and Sarah had willingly assumed most of the responsibility for Ben's care. Kim did her best to give them all the time they wanted together. Still, she could not deny that the chasm between them was growing every day. And while no one was actually talking about it yet, Kim fully expected an announcement of a marriage proposal between Ben and Sarah any day.

When she arrived at the hospital both her family and the Becklocks were waiting on the stairs of the hospital, along with a small group of friends.

"What's going on here?" Kim asked innocently. She felt she understood what was happening, it was her birthday after all. But at best, all she had really expected was a card, perhaps some spending money.

Now here they were, everyone important in her life, standing on the steps to the hospital entrance as though they were posing for a group photo, when they all began to sing.

"Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…" the group parted in the center to reveal Ben standing on the top stair. In his right hand he sported a cane. He was dressed in a grey suit, red tie and white shirt. His eyes were clear and sparkling and he wore a crooked grin that touched only the right side of his face. Slowly, as the song her friends and family sang wound down, Ben cautiously inched his way down the three marble stairs and walked out to where Kim stood in the mid Spring afternoon.

Kim watched in tearful amazement, her hands covering her mouth as Ben approached. His gait was clumsy. She could see how labor intensive the act of just moving his left leg was. Ben had to stop and concentrate on getting that leg to respond to his desires. Making it bend at the knee seemed every bit as hard as sprinting up Mount Everest would be. She motioned to cover the remaining distance and meet him, but Ben stopped, held up his hand saying, "You do that and I'll personally make sure you get seventeen swats on your butt that I promise you won't enjoy." Kim burst out laughing as did everyone else behind him.

Ben reached in her ten additional steps that took fifteen minutes to complete. He was exhausted and sweating heavily, but he managed a smile as, with great effort, he raised his left arm and held out a small ring with two keys dangling from it. "Happy Birthday Kimberly."

Confused she reached up and took the Key's Ben offered. Looking over his shoulder for some sort of clue her father gestured in the air with one finger in a circular motion for her to turn around. Kim looked back to Ben questioningly. With that Ben flicked his eyes in a glance behind her. When she turned to see what he was looking at, there behind her was new a Ford Taurus with a large pink bow on top of it.

She'd been so caught up in Ben's achievement, she hadn't even heard her brother, free of his halo for months now, drive up in the patient drop off circle behind them. Kim whirled around on Ben and hugged him cautiously, a large bright smile on her face. "How long Ben?" she whispered in his ear.

"A few months," he replied, breaking her embrace to meet her eyes. "I figured it was the only birthday gift I had to give you. So I've been practicing." He blushed slightly, "I didn't really have anything to do with the car, that's from your folks, the Becklocks, your brother. They put my name on the card and Robert told me if I didn't sign it he'd break my good leg."

Robert had been just approaching them as Ben was finishing his statement. "That's a lie Kim. I told him I'd break his good leg off and beat him with it if he didn't sign the card." Both Ben and Robert balled up their fists, rammed their knuckles together and laughed richly.

Turning back to Kim, Ben asked, "So, you going to give it a spin?"

Kim smiled shyly at Ben for a moment and offered, "I'd like someone with some serious driving experience to come with me I think." Ben stepped back to make room for Mr. Glass when Kim laid her hand on Ben's and said, "I meant you…"

After several minutes, Ben managed to get into the passenger side seat. Kim got behind the wheel. They were rapidly joined at the open windows by their extended families. "Be careful Kim," her father said tenderly.

"I will Daddy," Kim assured smiling. "Thank you. Thank you Mom!" Kim called out to her mother who was standing nervously behind Tom. Cindy smiled as best she could, flipped a short nerve-racked wave of her hand but said nothing.

"Where ya gonna go?" Sarah asked peering in the passenger side window.

Kim turned and said. "I think there's a ride we never got to finish that I'd like to finish now." Kim said to Ben more than anyone. She met Sarah's eyes and asked, "If that's alright with you?"

Sarah didn't answer. Instead she leaned in and kissed Ben whispering, "Have fun," then withdrew from the window. Everyone withdrew from the car as Kim turned the ignition. Kim turned the car out of the hospital pointed the car away from Baker and out toward State Road 881. They made the forty-five minute drive last an hour and a half. In that time they both allowed themselves to believe they were completing the journey they had both set out to finish nearly a year previous.

They sat wordlessly, windows open, radio on, enjoying the bright cool Tennessee Spring afternoon. It was Ben who with great effort, slipped his left hand gently into Kimberly's right. They said nothing to acknowledge it except for a brief shared smile between them. For a time, things were as they should be. The world was as right as it was ever going to get. They both understood this and took the time to enjoy the good things that were there to enjoy.

-*-

April 9^th, Kim's 18^th birthday.

If you'd seen her that day, squatting, legs together, knees bent, behind the counter putting the samples under the display case at Coles Department Store, you might have known who she was from the thick wavy platinum hair. Her face was still very much the same, soft and beautiful with pale creamy skin. But, there was much about her that had changed. Her body had become much fuller, her hips had widened out a little as her body prepared for the eventual biological function it had been designed for. Her breast had grown larger as well. Kimberly, no longer a skinny all arms and legs sixteen year old was a woman.

As she worked, her head down, concentrating on what she was doing, one of her co-workers touched her on the shoulder from behind. She gave a small "Eeep!" of surprise, and startled, jumped a little causing her to loose her balance. She landed on her fanny, her gorgeous, tapered legs splayed beneath her.

"Oh my, Kimberly, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you," It was Carol Bergoff, an older friend and manager of the cosmetic and beauty department. Carol had grown to love Kim as a younger sister and wanted desperately not to laugh but couldn't help herself. Carol broke into a fit of the giggles as Kim tried to pull her dress back down around her legs.

"It's not funny Carol." Kim insisted and Carol tried to sober her display of glee some. But in the end, the giggles got the best of both of them and soon both girls were giggling so hard that neither of them could get Kim off the floor.

Carol was finally able to curtail the attack of the giggles and reach down and lend Kim a helping hand, "It's good to see you laugh," Carol admitted and was instantly sorry she had said anything at all.

Kim surprised her by saying, "It felt good. It seems like forever since I've had the desire to laugh."

Carol stroked Kim's bare arm and said, "I'm sorry Kim, I really didn't mean to bring it all up again. It just sorta' slipped out. It's just…"

"I know, it's been five months since the funeral and I've been moping around here like an animal trapped in a cage. I'm sorry about that." Kim said touching Carol's hand. Kim straightened out her dress; turned over one high heel shoe with her foot that had come off in the fall and slipped it back on. She stared at that foot for a moment, 'I'm getting used to wearing these… who would have ever thought I could have pulled this off?' Kim almost laughed out loud. 'Pull it off, oh how very appropriate.'

Kim turned to Carol, "We never really talked about it did we?"

"It doesn't matter Kim, we don't need to," Carol confided.

"Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself; but I think I do need to talk about it someday with someone. I just don't know if I can put the words together just yet, you know?"

"I understand Honey. You don't have to do anything until you're ready. Just remember that." Carol smiled and so did Kim. Then Kim gently touched her forehead to Carol's and closed her eyes.

With the store empty and not due to open for twenty minutes, Kim decided to give Carol a moment of gratitude for taking her under her wing and sheltering her there. "Carol; I'm so grateful I had you there to be my friend. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you to distract me." Kim lightly kissed Carol's cheek and then made herself busy by finishing the work of storing the samples out of sight.

"Kim, I don't know why you bothered to come in today, your birthday of all days. Why don't you go home? I'll finish up here," Carol offered.

Because then I'm all alone with these memories… Nope, I don't think so.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine," Kim said but the truth of it was that she wasn't fine. He was gone again and that just wasn't fair. They had become so close, not like before when she had been a small boy. Something in their dynamic had changed between that time and now. He cherished her company so and she his in return. She would miss how kind and loving he was to her. At times she would have to stop and remind herself that he had always been that to her. Maybe not to Tim, but Kimberly had always held a very special place in his heart. That was hard letting go of. She just didn't know if she could do it.

Her angst in all of this was that she had to try. She couldn't go on crying endlessly over it. It's not like he had intended to die. This wasn't out of spite but sometimes it sure felt that way.

Kim looked up at Carol. The tears were welling up in her eyes. Kim tried to smile but her ordinarily beautiful smile was strained and looked almost painful to Carol. "Go on Hon, get out of here."

Kim tried to shake off the past as one might shake rain water from an umbrella after a violent storm. She was startled by the clarity of the memory that had just ambushed her. "Really, I can…" Kim started but Carol cut her off.

"I know you can," Carol said helping her to her feet again, "but today isn't the day."

Inside Kim had to agree, she wouldn't be able to make it though the day, not at this rate. Carol was right, she had to leave. Not for home, if she did that then she just might open the jug of wine in the refrigerator. Kim got drunk too easily to start this early in the day. In the long-run Kim understood it was the best thing to do and was grateful Carol cared enough to insist.

Now Carol dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and said, "None of that here. I know you're still sad. None of this will go away immediately, but it will in time Sweetie. It will in time."

"You're sure this won't be an inconvenience for you? Jamie isn't due on for another two hours."

Carol smiled, "What good is being the boss if you can't tell people to get lost every once in a while?"

Kim mouthed the words, 'Thank you.' Kim gathered her purse to leave and was out in the expanse of Heritage Mall enjoying the freedom of the day before Carol had a chance to change her mind.

As she walked down the long corridor that was the mall, she didn't window shop, she thought. She retraced the steps that had so completely changed the who and what she would become in the years a head.

She allowed in one solitary, constant voice from her past. A deed half done-- Something her grandmother had told her in both lives. 'Remember Kim, A deed half done, is a deed well begun.' The moral was, of course, you're not finished until you're finished. That wasn't quite the end of the meaning her grandmother had intended Kim to understand. There was another facet that lay hidden under the cute colloquialism and was that you must make sure your deed is rooted in the right soil, otherwise it will die. If what you do isn't for the good of everyone, then what are you doing? In spite of everything, in spite of having to remain female, in spite of the uncertainty a head; Kim had no doubt that the choices she had made had been not only the best choices but the only choices she could have made.

She continued to walk, vaguely aware of the slap - slap - slap, sound her shoes made as she lifted her foot to take another step. Even with the knowledge that she had made the best decisions, the only decisions she could have made there was little comfort for her. In it all, they had both lost so much. It was Ben however who had been the one who had gained the most and therefore had had the most to lose.

Walking, the distraction of activity was no longer enough to keep his memory from invading the peace. His face, slender and a little goofy just three years ago pushed all other considerations aside as if to say, Hellooooo, Remember me dork? Kim smiled in spite of the heartache associated with his memory. The unexpected emotion knocked down her defenses and she succumbed to the pain hidden inside her. Searching the half-empty mall, she located a small marble bench tucked between two large palm plants. Finding it suitably hidden, she retreated to the relative privacy of the jungle-like refuge to purge her emotions.

"God damn it Ben," she sniffled, "why can't you just leave me alone." In her heart, she had never really wanted that. Even now, she hastily begged for forgiveness as she wiped slow running tears from her face. 'I didn't mean that… I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, Oh God, I just want to feel good again. Just for an hour. I really didn't mean it Ben.'

Kim blew her nose on a cloth handkerchief plucked from her bag. In stead of putting it back however, she tossed it away into a nearby trash bin. Spent emotionally, she enjoyed the cool of the marble on the back of her legs. The sensation was soothing and went a long way to cracking apart those stubborn memories of last autumn.

"The 9^th." She said aloud and laughed a bit crazily. Not anyone that might have heard her would have understood the comment. That didn't matter, Kim did and that's all that counted.

What she also knew is that it was coming for her.

It always did. Not as viciously as it had in the first week, or the first couple of months, but it was coming just the same. Being away from work might make it bearable, but only if she was able to get to her car before it arrived.

She wanted to forget. That's all. She didn't believe she was asking for too much, just to be free of the ambush attacks on her heart and soul. 'Please let it stop. I've been a good girl. I've done everything I'm supposed to do, I just want to stop crying all the time.'

Then it hit her full force, right between the eyes. Kim felt the world fall away beneath her feet. She remained there, suspended above it, watching it recede below her. The feeling of catastrophic vertigo set upon her, taking her breath, filling her brain with the greatest, deepest despair, helpless and useless all at the same time. Kim gasped, mouth open, looking for all the world like a human fish stranded as far from water as possible. Her hand was planted over the pronounced rise of her breasts but her chest did not rise or fall. Instead her body moved up and down, trying to force air into it.

Grief is like that for so long. It ambushes with the slightest hint of memory. All it takes is a flash of color, a particular smell, a bright clear cool day like so many other spent in particular company. The walls come down and the world spins away from under you leaving you stranded in space, hovering in an airless void in which you suffocate. Or at least you feel you might. And if there was any justice in the world, at times, that would be a merciful end.

After April, Ben had been discharged from the hospital after spending more than eight months all together confined within the walls of St. Anne's As expected, Ben proposed to Sarah and the two moved into a small but cozy pool side cottage behind the Becklock estate. Ben continued his therapy every other day and began working as a Junior Draft Engineer at one of Harvard's massive carpet mills. With no formal training, the engineering staff at Harvard Mills was eager to help train the local hero. Harvard had even promised to provide Ben with college tuition at UT once he was comfortable moving around a little freely. Until then, Harvard told him, "I know how important it is for a man to make himself useful. So the job is yours if you want it, for as long as you want it as often as you want it." Saying basically, come to work if you want or don't.

It was essentially a license to do what ever he had wanted to do, for whatever reason he needed to do it. Harvard knew nothing of Ben's work ethic and didn't want to insult him by suggesting he had to have one, all the time hoping desperately that Ben in fact did possess a strong work ethic. Ben did not disappoint him.

All Ben had ever wanted was a chance. Brilliant beyond his years, Ben took to engineering the way Einstein took to mathematical equations. With an almost audible sigh of relief, Harvard was very happy.

Ben improved that summer. His mobility practically returned to 87%. He would always have some limitations in his mobility, but he had gotten his driver's license back and didn't have to depend on others to feel independent.

The summer transitioned to autumn and soon the Holidays were closing in. The Ackerman's as Sarah insisted they be referred too as, had invited Kimberly and her family to Thanksgiving dinner the day October handed over the reigns to November. The excitement in Sarah's voice was so refreshing. Life had found Ben and Sarah both and they had grabbed on with both hands to ride it for all it was worth.

On November 5^th, Sarah asked Kimberly to come over and help decorate the pool house and the grounds for Thanksgiving. Kim was thrilled to help out. For the next three days Kimberly and Sarah hung harvest wreaths, strategically placed stalks of bundled corn, hung banners of autumn leaves and lanterns around the Becklock's enormous yard.

Each night Ben would come home as Kim was packing to go home herself. Each night Kim couldn't get over how much he'd changed. He wore a different suit each day, handsomely dressed but tired when he arrived, she would offer him a teasing whistle, and a "Hey handsome," and Ben would return with a peck on the cheek. He would then swing Sarah into his arms as she giggled wildly as he tried to suck her face off.

"Ugh," Kim would sometimes complain good-naturedly, "Why don't you two get a room or something?"

"We have one," Ben would always say, "You're standing in the middle of it." It was Kim's gentle queue to shut down the tea party, as often Ben put it, and get the hell out.

Then on the 8^th something changed.

Sarah had gone to the store after she ran out of Velcro tape. Ben returned home from work a few moments after Sarah had left. "Hey handsome!" Kim cried out, her back turned to the door for the moment. But this time, Ben only grunted.

Kimberly turned and was surprised to see Ben, his skin pale, sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Oh God," Kim raced to him, took his things, removed his coat and sat him down. "What's gotten a hold of you?"

"Just tired, that's all. Thanks." The gratitude for her attention in his eyes told her he wasn't just tired. He was not running a fever however, so it was not likely he had a bug.

"Okay, you're home now. Can I get you something?" Kim offered sweetly.

"Where's Sarah?"

Kim threw an afghan over him, "She'll be back in a bit. Ran out of tape. You're dinner's in the oven. I can get it for you."

Ben let his hand brush down Kim's hand. It was not a provocative gesture, nor was it a sexual one. He was thankful not to be alone feeling the way he was. Kim turned her hand and let his fall into it. She gave it a gentle squeeze and smiled. "How about that dinner?"

Ben nodded groggily. "I think I'd like to take it laying down on the bed. I can sit up and watch the news that way."

Kim helped Ben to bed, covered him up and was delivering his dinner to him when Sarah returned home. "Ben's home?"

"Yeah, he looks like he's coming down with something though. I was just taking him this." Kim held up the tray with Ben's supper on it.

"Uh oh," Sarah said and hurried into the bedroom ahead of Kim. After bringing him his tray, Kim offered to stay and help but both declined gratefully. Kim gathered her things and went home. "Night Handsome," Kim shouted as she exited their home.

Ben called back, "Good night Beautiful."

At 7:30 on the morning of the 9^th, the phone rang as Kim was making coffee. "I got it!" she called out. She lifted the phone as her father stepped off the landing and rounded the corner preparing for work. He had recently moved his offices back to Baker intent on staying in Tennessee with his family.

Kim answered the phone, "Hello," as she winked at her father giving him two thumbs up on his choice of suit, "Oh, hey Sara… What? No… NO. SARAH!"

Tom heard the phone hit the kitchen floor with the sound of a body following close behind. Tom called out to his wife, "CINDY!" as he rushed to the kitchen. Kim lay on the floor, her eyes closed, one arm stretched out over her head, her nightgown rucked up over her hips. "Oh God, Kimberly!" Tom slid to his knees beside her and lifted her gently. "Kim baby." Patting her gently, worried that his daughter had found yet a new and unique way to threaten her life, he tried to coax her back to consciousness. "Kim, come on baby, wake up. CINDY, I NEED YOUR HELP!"

Cindy appeared at the landing and of course, shrieked, "KIMERBERLY!" Amazingly, this is what began to bring Kim around.

"Oh good," Tom said thankfully. "Kim, what happened?" But Kim was still not completely sure of where she was let alone what happened. Cindy saw the fallen phone and picked it up. She could hear Sarah's cries on the other end before she even lifted it to her ear.

An autopsy would prove later that he had suffered from an arterial aneurism. Doctors theorized that the jolt of the impact from the accident must have weakened the walls of the major artery from the heart that fed the rest of the body. The night before, he may have even been leaking blood into his body cavity already. Ben died instantly, in peace and in his sleep while Sarah slept beside him.

Kim had not attended the funeral. She would apologize to Sarah for not attending and apologize privately to Ben on many afternoons sitting beside his grave. Deep inside, she was glad that she had not been up to it. The news alone had felt as though it might

kill her. She would blame herself for that and hold it in bitter secrecy for the rest of her considerably long life. She visited his grave frequently. Sometimes, she found Sarah there. Kim would always hold back when she did. It felt right to let her have her time alone with Ben the only way she could now.

Now, five months to the day, the wound was still painfully fresh. Sarah needed some help getting around these days. She was large with Ben's twins. She was due in mid July some time.

Kim considered that perhaps this was why she could not stand at Ben's grave with Sarah just yet. Kim was not jealous, not at all. In fact, exactly the opposite was true. It was unfair that Ben had not survived to see his children, to share a life with someone that earnestly loved him, to be the kind of man he had wanted to be when this whole thing started. Ben got there but he wasn't given the time to enjoy it and that was just wrong!

"Fucking wrong!" Kim mumbled bitterly as she sat still hidden between the palms.

This only proved to compound another, older wound she carried deep in her heart. With Ben's departure, she now had no one who knew the truth of who she had once been. Now she had no one she could talk to about it. It didn't matter that they no longer talked about it, just the possibility of needing to and having someone to share it with had made all the difference in the world. It felt like it belonged to them alone, a special thing they shared with no one else. Now that too was gone.

The power of that mask had never left her. She was, like the princess in the movies, 'enchanted'. She was still powerless to refer to anything that had come before or rather, in that other place. None of that was real. It had ceased to have any possibility of being real when she made the decision to come back by her own hand. None of those old memories had actually ever happened. She had been Kimberly Glass her whole life now. Some time ago, she had buried Tim Glass right along side Ben Ackerman. At times she could almost imagine them, reunited, casting rocks into some river some place on a hot almost summer afternoon. Every so often, that notion had the ability to make her smile, if only subtly.

Now that Ben was gone, everything had changed. Everything!

Kim rummaged around in a small bag she carried and at length pulled a small palm sized mirror from it. She examined her eyes and preened at her hair for a moment, then shoved the mirror back deep inside the bag. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, just as everyone had told her she would. Kim was now two inches taller than she had been just a year ago. Life was settling down once more. Only this time, it was doing it without Ben.

Working helped keep the emotions at bay. If anything about herself was a surprise it was the connection of all things in her life to her emotions. She seemed helpless to avoid attaching them to everything. And, her emotions were overpowering much of the time, rich, vibrant but also, horribly insistent that they receive attention when and where they wanted attention.

Men, married and unmarried, attached or otherwise, watched her as they passed the spot where she sat. She was getting used to it by now, though, it was still a bit awkward when her eyes met the eyes of someone who had been covertly gawking. It seemed they both turned red faced at the moment and did their fumbling, doing best to move on with the day. One time, not long ago, Kim had been scolded by a woman whose husband could not stop following her around the department store where she worked. A horrible fight had broken out between the woman and her husband. Kim did her best to hide from the fracas, but the woman refused to leave until she had given Kim a piece of her mind, even after police arrived.

Later, confused and a bit frightened, Kim had hid in the break room. It had been Carol who had come and calmed Kim's frayed nerves, "You're going to probably see that again."

"Oh no… I can't do that again." Kim had said shaking her head. "I didn't do anything. I didn't even know he was following me around!"

"You're an unusually pretty girl Kim. You're going to find that a lot of men are going to want to get close to you, for a lot of reasons. Some reason's will be harmless, others--" Carol had not finished the obvious. Kim already had experience with the "others". She didn't need another lesson.

"It doesn't seem right." Kim had complained.

"Ah God, are you really as innocent as you appear?" Carol had laughed. It took only a second to see that Kim was as innocent as she looked, and maybe more. Seeing Kim's hurt look, "Hey, I didn't mean nothing by it. I'm an old New Orleans battleaxe, too much scotch, too many cigarettes too many men, and waaaaay too many Mardi Gras. Don't listen to me. I'm old, I'm bitter and I still have my period so I have a lot going against me."

Kim would learn that she was none of those things. At fifty-three, she looked more like a woman half her age and lived the part. Carol and Kim would strike up a close and unique friendship that would last them the better part of thirty years at which point Kim would be there, at Carol's side to happily, calmly help Carol from this life to the next.

Carol had smiled at Kim and instantly put Kim's concerns and self-doubts at ease that day, "You know Kim, it wouldn't seem right if men weren't interested in you if you'd been born without the looks Kim. You're not going to win at that game. My advice, don't play by the rules."

Now, with the panic beginning to abate, Kim could perform her ritual. It was a simple thing, merely a self affirming exercise that proved to her that she would not implode without Ben's presence. "You're going to be Okay Kim," she began. "Okay now. You're Okay. Everything's going to be just fine. Breathe in…" Kim inhaled, "breathe out…"

"Still hurts does it?" asked the old man.

Kim didn't flinch. She seemed to sense him materialize beside her as though she had expected him to just show up. She answered him without stirring. Her speech was sullen, her expression deeply saddened. "So much so that sometimes it feels like I can't remember how to breathe."

"Yeah, I remember how that is?" Maurice agreed.

"You?" Kim asked a little surprised.

"Sure. I had a mother, a father. There was a time when I had friends. I wasn't born a Wizard you know." He stopped as though considering what to say next. "I've been doing this so long now," he sighed deep and low, "too long maybe. I've had to watch everyone I've ever cared about pass away and leave me here alone. I always thought I was doing some sort of good. You know, teaching the wicked the error of their ways, or giving the greedy their just rewards… that sort of thing. It gave it all purpose. I used to enjoy my work." The old man chuckled at the idea of it, then admitted, "Perhaps a little too much. I guess I'm trying to say, I'm sorry for the way things turned out. And I suppose I wanted you to know that this wasn't my design."

Kim finally turned and looked at him. He seemed weary. His eyes were red and now, in the harsh florescent lighting of the mall, for the first time since she had met him almost two years before he seemed truly old.

Kim felt the familiar pang of panic, once more mentally reminded herself to breathe and inhaled a panicked breath and sighed.

Now Kim allowed the emotion to break through. In her open sorrow she was somewhat conscious that people must be looking at her emotional out burst sitting next to this strangely dressed man. When she glanced about however, she saw that no one was looking, not even glancing at the odd couple sitting in the middle of the mall so conspicuously.

"They can't see us or hear us, it works like the emporium, it won't be visible until it needs to be or until I want it to be," Kim wept freely; grateful for any time the wizard could give her to purge this terrible guilt.

When at last she seemed to quiet, she turned to the old man and asked. "If you didn't come to stay, why did you come then?"

"To finish what I started."

Confused, Kim's face became a study in confusion, "What--" The wizard tipped his head forward and Kim turned to the point where he indicated. There, standing before the storefront window was a girl Kim had seen some time ago, Darla.

"I thought-"

"She was my apprentice if that's what you were about to ask. She saw something in the dedication you had to the ones you loved that she admired. I don't think she understood that. When you marched out of there, mask in hand, I don't think she quite believed it. So she decided to set off on a quest of her own. One that would be more restorative than the one she thought she wanted."

Kim now once more thought of the dream, the one where her Tim counterpart was floating away down the river, becoming only a small white-faced dot on the horizon of the water. Kim had been clinging to a gnarled old tree that had fallen into the river. Once Kim believed that Ben was to have been that limb, the thing she was to cling too. But she would have clung to that limb forever, never leaving the cold water until she died of exposure. She understood now she had to find the strength to get back on shore. Maybe by helping someone else, she could inch her way back into some kind of a life.

"What we are, Kim, is defined as much as what we do with the life we're given. You don't have to solve world hunger or bring a thousand years of peace to your people. Those are all noble things, but they are no more noble than saving one child from starving in a world rich with food, or saving one soul from the despair of loneliness when all you need be-- is a friend."

"You knew she wouldn't make it." Kim said in a sly sort of tone.

"No, I suspected as much. She made the final decision. I really didn't know until that moment. Events turn us in the direction we're supposed to go. We still all have a choice. I think that's probably why I'm so fond of you. You couldn't begin to believe how many people would have let what happened to you crush them."

Kim smiled in spite of herself. "What about her?"

"That's not for me to decide. The events turn-- with a little help. You find yourself in the spot light and you either perform or you run off the stage. What will you do when the spot light turns on you Kimberly?"

The spot Maurice had stood only seconds before was now empty. All that remained were some already fading sparkles in the air where he had stood.

She turned slowly, aware now that others around her could see her. The cloak of invisibility Maurice had cast over them had also lifted. Still standing before the storefront window, as if no time had passed, was Darla. Now Kim could see the distress etched deeply in the lines on her face. They weren't wrinkles, but if she kept it up, it would only be a matter of time before those lines were permanent.

Kim quietly gathered her things, then stood and waited to be noticed. It was several minutes before Darla turned and saw the pretty young woman standing, watching her. Kim waived with a brief hand waggle, brought up from the elbow. Her smile was warm and inviting, even a little familiar to Darla, but the name to the face was not instantly available.

"Hello," Kim said.

"Ah, Hello," responded Darla, looking confused more than anything else. Kim continued to stand there smiling brightly with no hint as to her identity. "And you are, Sandra Dee I suppose?" Darla said with an edge to her voice.

"Noooo," Kim responded eagerly. "Don't you recognize me?"

Darla looked around the mall, as though a clue might be hanging within sight someplace and all she had to do was find it. Perhaps there was a hidden camera recording her foolishness for the world to see later. Having found no such thing, Darla turned back to, "Ah, do I get another guess?"

Kim nodded her head enthusiastically sending platinum blonde hair flying everywhere.

"Okay, you're not Sandra Dee so you must be Gidgit!"

Frustrated and a little irritated by Darla's obvious derogatory references, Kim said, "I'm sorry if I've interrupted something. I saw you standing there and I… Well, I'm sorry."

A dumbfounded sort of recognition washed over Darla's face. Slowly, a cockeye smirk began to bloom there and her eyes lit up like Christmas lights. "Kim? Oh good God. Look at you," Darla said amazed, "You really filled out."

"Thank you," Kim responded smiling.

"I mean you really filled out!" Darla repeated.

Troubled now, Kim said, "Thanks…" her smirk a little self-conscious, "I think."

Before Kim could say another word, Darla had her in the closest thing to a bear hug Darla could deliver. "It's so good to see you. Oh my God, I looked around for you. But after I found out where you lived and all that stuff going on with Ben… I just didn't have the courage to actually go and-- you know, ring the bell."

The conversation fell silent with Ben's name being evoked. After an uncomfortable moment, Darla added, "I'm sorry about Ben. I heard about it on the news. Wow, he must have really been some kind of guy."

"You mean, all that time with Maurice and you didn't have any insider information?" Kim asked.

"Naw, it didn't feel right, you know? After I left the shop, I've been pretty much on my own. I just never really got the hang of watching over the whole world, not like he did. I would have made a lousy Wizard. I think he knew that right from the start."

Kimberly put on a sympathetic face but said nothing of Maurice's visit. "Does he ever undo things that people get themselves into? I mean do you think he'll ever do something to help you?"

"You mean like change me back?" Darla snorted hysterically, "You're kidding me right?" But Kim shook her head seriously. Darla paused considering Kim's question for a moment. "No, I won't ever see him again. He's probably forgotten all about me. That's the way he is you know. He teaches us our lessons and then moves on."

"He did me a favor. If you'd seen my life before this… well, it was a disaster. With most people, he spends his time getting in the way of people that would just screw up their lives. He play's interference before they can do much harm to others. Sometimes though, like with you, he has a chance to really do something that will make a difference. He told me one time, it's a chance to straighten out the crooked lines of reason and make some sense of things."

Kim smiled at the idea, "So," she asked, "what was the favor he did for you?"

Shyly Darla answered, "He kept me around long enough to meet you and Ben."

This time it was Darla whose eyes began to shine with tears. "Absolutely not," Kim protested, "no more crying. I've been crying nearly all day, and I just started feeling good."

Darla wiped at her eyes, "Sorry. I should probably go."

"Go? Oh no…" Darla had begun to turn away but Kim hooked her arm with hers and pulled her back, "We have some things to do you and me."

"Things, what things?" Darla asked suspiciously.

"Well," Kim said taking stock of Darla's appearance, "First of all, that!" Kim pointed to Darla's hair.

"What? My hair?" Darla asked covering it with both hands protectively.

"Oh… that's what that is. Boy-- We may actually have to shave it off!"

"WHAT! I don't think so! It may be a mess, but it's my mess. Go find someone else to experiment on Gidget!"

Kim began to pull Darla along reluctantly, "Relax, I won't hurt you. Besides, who ya gonna trust more than your best friend?"

"My best friend? And who would that be?"

Together they began to walk off toward the mall exit, "Why me of course. With Ben out there in the cosmos doing-- whatever it is he's doing these days, I was sort of in the market for a new best friend myself."

"Wait a minute," Darla said suspiciously, "don't I get a choice in this?" Darla cried out trying hard to hold back a laugh of pure joy.

"Okay," Kim said trying to sound chagrined, "Who do you want to choose?"

"Okay, let me think--"

"Come on Darla, you must know someone." Kim prodded.

"Hold on, give me a minute." Darla complained.

"Your running out of time--" Kim warned.

"Okay, okay, I've got it, Santa Claus"

"Oh come on--" Kim cried happily. Both girls laughed perhaps a bit too loudly as the left they mall. These were the first laughs of a new season in life. For the first time in quite a while, they both found they were actually looking forward to finding more to laugh about in the months and years to come. It was a small step, but a step none the less. It was followed by another and another. Soon, before they knew it, they were back in the race.

-*-

Kim ended up dragging Darla home with her to share her birthday dinner with her family. In an amusing twist for Kim, her bother seemed to take a keen interest in Darla, in spite of the way Darla did everything she could think of to make herself unappealing.

Every so often she was spare a desperate glance at Kim as if to say, Got a situation here! Little help would be nice. But Kim could only giggle at the futility of Darla "anti-charm" as Kim would later christen it. Even a loud resounding belch after the meal did not put hound of the fox's trail. By the end of the evening Robert had convinced her to let him drive her home.

Half an hour later, a short partially heated discussion from the kitchen caught Kim's attention as she was walking past.

"Because he wanted to see her," her father had said.

"Thomas Glass,"

"Uh oh," she heard him say dreadfully, "We're using whole names already? Good God Cindy, she's eighteen!" Then something turned in the conversation, "You know what, I'm not going to apologize. He's a good kid."

"Who's a good kid Daddy?" Kimberly asked sneaking up from behind them as they loaded the dishwasher. She couldn't help but notice the frustrated and somewhat embarrassed look on her mother's face.

"Well… I suppose we're going to find out now pretty soon." Tom glanced at his watch. And with that, as if timed to perfection, the doorbell chimed. "Ah, a fortuitous introduction if there ever was one." her father said with glee. Cindy looked as if she was going to be sick.

As Tom went to answer the door, Kim approached her mother, "You Okay Mom?"

There was chatter in the foyer, her father speaking to someone, a man, but she didn't recognize the voice, "… does she know?"

"She suspects something," they were saying. It was a little aggravating actually. She knew they were talking about her. But it felt as though they were talking around her, like she wasn't there.

As she listened to the half suggestive conversation, she was swept over with a feeling of surrealism. There was a great deal that was familiar in that voice and for a moment, the face of a cocky, tight bodied sixteen year old boy flashed in her mind. She snorted a tiny breath of air indignantly at her brain's audacity for suggesting such a sorrowful recollection. But the image was still a cherished one, even if it promised to leave her lonely to night in her bed, if not a little horny and frustrated. She let herself drink in the memory greedily for a moment and then had to chuckle to herself.

Finally, able to push the memory away before getting too caught up in it, she was able to return to the real world. It wasn't until she glanced at her mother that the possibility that something else might actually be going on. Something that her brain might actually have recognized long before her conscious mind would have, "Mother?"

"She's in the kitchen right now… Kimberly?"

Kim was shaking her head disbelievingly, but Cindy wasn't. She finally smiled a weak troubled smile and nodded. "Oh god!" Kim spun and tried to run from the kitchen spinning her wheels on the slick linoleum floor. She slipped, cried out in surprise, gained her footing and darted out into the foyer where her father and a breathtakingly handsome young man stood.

Kim tried to compose herself, recovering from her hasty entrance, but the longer she looked into this man's eyes, the less concerned at how ungraceful and eager she must have appeared to be. Her head turned slightly to the right to try to help put the features into perspective. "Is it you?" Kim whispered. "David?"

"Good God, you're all grown up. You're beautiful," whispered the familiar stranger in return. Recollection returned to his eyes. A smile touched them, a smile that had not aged or changed at all in four years. "Happy birthday!" he announced happily.

Cindy warily entered the foyer from the kitchen behind Kim. David smiled to her but quickly returned his gaze to Kimberly. Good thing too, for Kim leapt the three steps that separated them in one bound, threw her arms around his neck and almost choked him. "Oh God I missed you."

"Gak!" David squelched, "I missed you too Kim." Adjusting his neck away from her shoulder, David could again breathe. He gently put his arms around her and rocked her softly against him.

When at last their embrace ended Kim asked, "Where did you come from? Why are you here? Why didn't you call me?"

"Whoa, one at a time," David said trying to slow the barrage of questions. "I'm in town for a job interview."

"A job?" Kim proceeded cautiously optimistic. "So you're coming home to stay."

"Well, it depends on if I get the job or not. I've wanted to come home for a while. But I needed the chance for a job here before I made any plans to come home. It's a tough move in a town like this without work. There's just aren't many national job postings for a small town like Baker."

"So? Did you have the interview," Kim wanted desperately to get to the point, did he actually have a job?

"Yes, today." David teased.

"You're not being very forth coming."

"I'd give you more, but I wasn't told if I had the job yet or not. They said they'd be in touch." David finished.

"Oh," Kim said dejected.

David smiled inwardly just a little, not wanting to get emotional encouraged, but encouraged that she seemed disappointed that he still might not actually be able to move home. "You sound disappointed," he said testing the waters."

"Oh, well…" Kim fumbled, fidgeting with her left foot, not meeting his eyes. "Well sure," she exclaimed looking at him finally, "I mean, I'm sure you are too since you seem to want to move back so badly."

"It's not as bad as all that," David offered hoping that he would get a fairly positive reaction. "It's a fairly good position, Purchasing Manager."

"So how long are you going to be in town?" It was not the reaction he had hoped for.

"Till tomorrow, then I go back to Colorado and go back to work or start packing to come here."

"So you'll know by tomorrow?" David noted there was at least a small glimmer of optimism.

"Actually, I should know tonight," David said surprising her.

She gave him a quizzical look, "Tonight? Who in the world makes decisions on a job in the middle of the night?"

David glanced over his shoulder to the left. "Well, do you think she approves of me?" Kim's loss of the moment became even larger as she glanced between David and her father.

"I was hoping for more enthusiasm than that," Tom admitted teasingly.

Kim's mouth fell open when she realized what was happening. "Oh I think I approve," then added soberly, "that is if he's qualified."

Tom smiled, "Oh, all his qualifications checkout. I guess you have yourself a job. Congratulations." Tom stuck out his hand but as David went to shake it, Kim squealed in delight and latched on to his neck again.

Tom put his hand away and simply nodded instead. In the excitement of the moment, Kim had pushed aside a lot of questions. Tom had taken Cindy aside and was preparing to retire, "Why don't you two go out on the porch and get reacquainted. I mean, since you're going to be neighbors of a sort, that only seems appropriate. Right Cindy?"

Cindy nodded with a weak but genuine smile. In her heart, she had always liked David, more than the other boys anyway.

"Don't worry Mrs. Glass, she's safe with me," David assured her. This time Cindy let herself believe every word of it.

Kim turned to open the front door and when she did, David put his large hand tenderly in the small of her back to lead her out. Kim gasped a slow, shuddering breath of sheer excitement at his touch. One that sent electric bolts of pure ecstasy from the roots of the hair on her head to the tips of her toes. She experienced a liquid gush of body fluids and found she would the evening breathlessly slippery.

I'd forgotten just what he could do to me… Oh boy, it's gonna be a long night.

Outside, they did not sit on the rockers, but dangled their feet off the edge of the porch. They both inched progressively closer as they spoke. She asked him why he had not written, why he had not called. He told her he had, many times, but there had been no answer to the letters. The phone messages, unreturned, "When you're sixteen, seventeen… I don't know. I thought you figured what happened had been a mistake. I even bought you something after we got out there, but I never sent it."

"I never got a single letter David. I would have answered it right away." Turning to look at the house behind her, she said, "I think I know what might have happened to some of them." She turned back to David, "But you knew how she was, why didn't you keep trying?"

"I did by mail. My father wasn't exactly rich. Some times we didn't have a phone at all. I finally gave up about a year or so later. I still mailed the odd letter here and there, when I didn't hear from you, even then, I figured you'd just lost interest."

Kim slid closer to him, putting her hip to his, "What we did was a lot of things for me, but I will never think of that as a mistake." She leaned in and tenderly kissed him. "That is my way of correcting the only mistake about that day."

David shifted his eyes sideways in her direction skeptically, "What mistake was that?"

So she told him, "Not thanking you for something I would remember fondly forever."

They sat wordlessly, listening to the peepers and the crickets as they sung the Tennessee symphony of the night. Kim finally broke that silence by asking, "So, I guess you must have had quite a few girl friends by now."

"No." he said surprising her. "Not really. I went on a few dates, but most of the girls I met there weren't… you. How about you?"

"I've been on one date."

"One? Oh come on." David remarked laughing in disbelief.

"Truly," Kim assured him, raising her right hand and crossing her heart with her left, "One date. Remember Ben Ackerman?"

"Sorta," But Kim could tell by the look on his face he was really just being polite.

"Well, I went to the prom a couple of years ago with him."

David, curious now, asked, "Did you have a thing for him?"

Kim stopped and considered this for a moment. She remembered how sharp he looked standing in the foyer of her house the night he had come to convince her to go with him. Dressed in his black tuxedo and bowtie, he had really been an impressive figure of a young man. Kim exhaled audibly, "I guess maybe I did, for a little while anyway. But he didn't have a thing for me. He was in love with someone else."

"Oh wait a minute," David said having an epiphany, "Wasn't his father that biker guy?"

"Yeah, that's Ben."

"I remember him now. I heard something about that on the news a couple of years bac… Oh God, that was you wasn't it?" Kim nodded but said nothing. Oddly, with David here, the resurrection of that memory didn't seem to hurt quite as badly as it had earlier today. "I'm an idiot. I thought I heard something about Baker on the radio one day. Friends told me later there'd been some sort of high school tragedy out here. They wanted to know if it was anyone I knew, but I told them I'd have been out of school before that. I'm sorry Kim. I didn't even think it would be you."

"That's Okay David." Kim gripped his hand more from need of comfort than desire. "It's in the past. It gets a little better everyday." Needing to change the subject before any more questions about that night or Ben were advanced, Kim asked, "You said you were going to send me a present, what was it?"

"Oh shoot," David said, fumbling around his suit jacket, "I forgot, I brought it with me."

"You still have it?" Kim laughed happily.

"Yeah, when I saw the job posting on Craig's List and realized who it was I was interviewing with, I dug it out… you know, just in case."

"That was the long shot of all long shots wasn't it?" Kim asked.

"I'm the endless optimist. You know, life puts us where it wants us to be. It puts a white hot spot light on us and tells us to sing for our supper. I learned a while ago not to be afraid of that spot light."

Kim was in shock. Could this be the moment the old man had been talking about? Had she misinterpreted his meaning again? She watched as David withdrew a wrapped box about five or six inches long. "I got this about two weeks after we moved. I was home sick, I missed you. It's actually pretty silly."

"Nothing anyone has kept this long could be considered silly," Kim assured him.

"Well, I was going to send it that Christmas, when I didn't I thought, well her birthday is in April, but I didn't send it again. So much time had passed, I didn't really think you'd like it."

"David,"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to let me see it or should I wait until I'm nineteen?"

"Could we?" he asked nervously. How sweet, he's actually nervous. I don't remember him being nervous that afternoon. She leveled her eyes at him and he handed over the box.

The wrapping paper was worn and yellowed. There was a small card attached to it, the tape holding it on had far exceeded its stickum shelf-life and was now just tucked beneath it. Kim withdrew the card and read it,

From: David

To: Kimberly

Merry Christmas

But the words Merry Christmas had been scratched through and the words, Happy Birthday inked below them.

She smiled to herself, wondering what kind of man would hold on to something against all odds of ever seeing the intended girl again. "2000 miles," she whispered, making David smile. Kim peeled the corner of the wrapping way and slid out a velour jewelry case. Glancing at David with a questioning smile, he nodded that she proceed.

Kim lifted the now creaking lid. Inside, still pinned to a small velvet pillow was what looked to be a gold chain. Attached to this was a small gold heart pendent. "David?"

"Go on," he said, his voice cracking nervously.

She gingerly lifted the chain and draped it over her hand. With one nail, she pried the pendent open and inside were two pictures, one on each half of the heart. One was a small picture of David. He was as she remembered him on that last day they had shared together. His hair a little long, a crooked, self-confident smile on his face, his sun bleached bangs hanging slightly in his eyes. Her photo had been taken out by the pool, reduced and put next to his. God she looked young. There was no inscription, just these to smiling faces whose souls intertwined for a moment in time. Just the two children who had taken a giant step toward adulthood together.

"It's beautiful," Kim cried. "Oh my God David, you kept this all that time?" She didn't wait for the answer. Snapping the pendent closed she said excitedly, "Help me on with it." She unclasped the chain with all the skill and deftness of a seasoned jewelry veteran and handed the two ends to David as she twisted around inside it, lifting her hair as she did.

When it was clasped she turned, adjusting the way the pendent lay and asked, "How does it look?"

"It looks great, but… I don't think it's the pendent. I think it's the girl that's wearing it." Kim leaned over and kissed him deeply. They held that kiss for several minutes and for a time, it felt to Kim as though they had never been separated by time and space. They had always been here, on the porch during that warm sunny day when he had come looking to comfort her.

Kim's eyes sparkled, "I'm glad you saved it. I love it. I can't believe you did, but I'm glad."

"Me too." He seemed to fumble for a minute, then he said, "I'd like to see you again. I don't think your father will mind, but…"

"I'm eighteen now, I think I can choose who I see for myself."

"I don't want to cause trouble," David said earnestly.

"Then when you get back with your things, call me." Kim searched his lapel pocket for a pen. She scratched her cell number on the back of the card that had come with the pendent. "Don't loose that card. I want to save it."

"Held on to it for four years so far," David said grinning.

Kim smiled, "Yes you did."

"It's not like you won't be able to find me you know."

Kim smiled again, "Then if you don't want trouble, you'll remember that yourself," she said teasing.

After another twenty minutes of some pretty intense kissing, David finally left telling her he'd be back in three days. Kim watched him drive away in his rental car, excited, enjoying the buzzing feeling of what she called "bees" in her belly. She had the undeniable urge to vault over the yard to the porch as she had once done at school only a couple of years ago. But she didn't. She was out of practice. It would be her luck that she'd hurt herself and end up in the hospital.

Instead, she settled for sashaying happily up the stone walkway and inside their home.

Not knowing if anyone was still awake, Kim gently closed the door behind her. David was still warm in her thoughts and fresh on her lips. For a moment, just in the blink of a gnat's eye, panic washed over her. It was so fleeting and so faint she almost didn't recognize what had caused it.

It still happened every so often, the backwash of a life she had never lived leaving the aftertaste of uncertainty in her mouth. But it never lasted long. The memories were there but she now pretty much controlled what she wanted to remember and what she no longer needed. It had been sad at times to let them go. To flush them away to a place in her mind where the competing memories of her life as Kim would keep them restrained all the time.

But she was tired of being lonely. It seemed much harder as a girl, now a woman to be lonely, so much harder than it had been as a sixteen year old boy. She wanted to live. She wanted to breathe the fresh air of excitement with someone who loved her to share it all with. That was as much of a plan as she had at this point. So far, she was pretty satisfied with it.

Faint music was playing from her father's office. She peered down into the darkened living room and saw a wedge of light that had split the darkness at the end of the room. "Hmm," she tip-toed into the living room and peered in through the crack in the study door. Tom Glass was there, lounging on a recliner, listening to his Louis Armstrong records. He was feeling nostalgic to night. Out of the old speakers, crackling and popping Mr. Armstrong sang;

I see trees of green, red roses too. I see 'em bloom for me and you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Kim smiled. It was a genuine smile and the first one she had produced on her own in quite a while. Just then as she was thinking about something, Tom looked over and saw his Angel standing there looking back at him.

"Hi Princess," her father said with a smile.

"Hi Daddy." she walked to where he sat and he stood to greet her. He enfolded his arms around her.

"Happy birthday, again."

"Thanks, all growed up."

"It's hard to believe," Tom said. "I still remember changing your diapers. And that night your appendix blew. I thought we were going to loose you for sure that night."

"There was the boat," Kim reminded him. "And that time at the beach..."

"You remember that?" Tom asked amazed.

"I don't want to be a rhino…" Kim said in a sweet but distressed child-like voice.

Tom roared with laughter at the memory and cried, "Oh God, I'd forgotten that." When he had gotten over his fit of laughter he told her, "There was a time, when you were very small that you shoved a bunch of kidney beans up your nose."

"Ouch!" Kimberly exclaimed.

"We tried to get them out, but there was simply no way. You had'em packed up there pretty good. Then you got phlegmy and the beans began to swell up and you started having trouble breathing, so we had to rush to the hospital." Tom was laughing again, "The Doctor must'a pulled five bean's out of your nose. It was almost like some twisted magic trick. He'd look up there with is flash light and say, 'Oh what have we got here? It's another bean!' I swear Kimmy, I couldn't eat chilly for a year. I'd look at that bowl and think to myself, what have we got here? It's another bean!"

They both laughed over that and when the humor was gone from the joke, Kim said sincerely, "I havn't been very low maintenance have I? I'm sorry."

And uneasy quiet fell between them. Neither sure of what should be said next if anything. They simply continued to hold each other in the semi-darkness of the dimly lit den.

"Where's Mom," Kim finally asked?

"Upstairs reading, I was just about to go up and join her, why?"

She thought briefly of talking about David, maybe the letters he said he'd sent that she was almost sure had been intercepted by her mother, or how much she loved the man standing there that had such creative ways of showing her that he loved her. Then an idea came to her. "Share a dance with the birthday girl?" Kimberly asked

She slid off her shoes and tenderly slid her stocked feet over and onto the tops of his feet. "Tell me if I'm too big for this, Okay?" The leather of his wingtips creaked as it flexed under her stocking feet. The surface was slippery with her hose on, but she curled her toes slightly at the edges and hung on.

Tom said nothing. It looked to Kim as though he might actually begin to cry at this tender mercy she remembered from her childhood. After a time, Tom began to hum along as Satchmo sang in the back ground, shortly after she began to sing along in a sweet sultry voice she didn't know she even had.

Tom began to move his feet around and together they danced the dance of father's and daughter's everywhere. "Princess,"

"Yes Daddy," she answered sweetly.

"You can be as high maintenance as you want, but please, please-" Kim could hear Tom becoming choked up, "-don't ever leave me. You've already tried a few times. Now I know I couldn't bear it."

She nestled into his chest, "I won't Daddy, not ever."

An excruciating pain seared through the edges of her face, white hot and almost blinding. It passed quickly this time. She understood right away what it was. It was the mask. It must not have been locked on after all. It simply couldn't be removed by anyone but Tim Glass. Now however, her promise to her father had sealed it on her. It didn't matter anyway, there was no Timothy Glass that could have removed it, there never had been.

Tom paused sensing something was wrong with his daughter, "Kimberly, are you alright?"

"Yes Daddy," she said almost moaning.

"What was that all about?"

She paused and thought about how best to answer, then smiled to herself and said, "Just keeping my promises."

Whatever uncertainty might enter her life, she was at peace at last in the one place she knew and remembered she would always belong, dancing on daddy's shoes.

The End