Smoke And Pantyhose 2.12

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Time repairs any weakness and heals all wounds. Still, time cannot heal quite everything. A missing leg or a missing arm will not grow back, but time will help you live with this.

The Wiseman

It is spring. It has been raining for days. Up in the mountains, the snow is melting. Our river, which you can pass by walking with plastic boots, now is much larger. At 3 AM, when I go to the railway station for the night train to pass downstream, I notice water almost reaches my bridge, which is at 1.5 meters above water. Then, at morning, when Alia - Atan should take the train and go up to the mines, I notice water reaches the bridge and in the middle even passes over it. We go to the station, even if the radio did not beep. It should. We now have no electricity, but railway stations are equipped with a car battery for emergency, so the radio can work a few days even without power. Then, the radio beeps, saying a message in Morse code:

AL AD IO MISSING BRIDGE TRAIN RETURNING JUPITER PLEASE FORWARD AND CONFIRM (Almathea forwarding: Adrastea to Io. A bridge is missing, the train is returning to Jupiter depot. Please forward the message and confirm you received it).

I send upstream the message, to Ganymede station: CA AD IO MISSING BRIDGE TRAIN RETURNING JUPITER PLEASE FORWARD AND CONFIRM. Then, I send to Almathea, the nearest downstream station: CA AD CONFIRMED AND FORWARDED LINE CLOSE TRAIN RETURNING JUPITER. Each station upstream is sending then a confirmation through me, to Adrastea. About half an hour later, we receive a message from Jupiter, telling everyone that the line is closed, the mine is closed, until situation cleared.

Between Almathea and Adrastea, there is a bridge that collapsed some years ago. The miners replaced it with two tree trunks, then layered rail sleepers above the trunks, then placed the rails. We all knew this is an improvisation that will not resist for long. Well, now the bridge is missing, so anyone knows what happened. And we all know it will take time, at least one week, until the bridge will be back in place. Until then, the mine and the railway are closed. Passenger trains will still pass between Jupiter and Adrastea, in morning and evening, providing a minimal service, but until some sort of bridge is placed, no train will reach up here or to the mines.

We try to return to the house, but there is no bridge. All we can now do, is to walk upstream, until we find another bridge still above water. Then, we go through the wet grass and tree branches, back home. Now, we have a few free days.

As we arrive home, Atan changes into Alia. He takes off his trousers and other man clothes and I give him woman clothes. He now wears a yellow knee-long dress, over a green blouse. I have the opposite, a green knee-long dress, over a yellow blouse. We both have our feet covered with a double layer of pantyhose. The first layer is black, opaque. The second layer is demi-opaque, green for him and yellow for me. And we wear white open-toe low platform sandals. Then, I add a black belt around our bodies. We both have green earrings. I remember how he shouted when with some help from my sisters, we made him holes in the ears for this. But still, it was nothing compared to when I removed his body hair. That day, I've seen tears in his eyes. Well, by now, he got used to this. Now, time for a little update: we both apply a light red lipstick and a little make-up. Perfect! I also have a few bracelets, made of pieces of plastic linked with n elastic that resemble gem stones. There is no way anyone here could afford to wear original gem stones. They are mostly green, with some yellow and red. I put one at each hand and one at each foot. Alia does the same. I like that they are assorted with our nails.

We sit on the bed, looking out on the window. It is raining. There is nothing that we can do outside. We have no electricity, so we cannot use our laptop to watch a movie or have some activities on the internet.

"It looks like we are stuck here in the house for a while", I say.

"I can see that", answers Alia. "I think these will be extremely boring days".

"Well, 100 years ago, people had no electricity... in fact 30 years ago, for these mountains".

"So, what are we going to do?" he asks.

"Smoking", I answer, as I light a cigarette and give him one.

"Well, if you want, Nicotiana, I cannot refuse you, I am too addicted", he says, lighting the cigarette.

"Like we are not already smoking the whole day", I say. "This is the advantage of being a smoker. When you have nothing to do or when you want a break, you smoke".

"That's right", he says, blowing smoke in my face.

We smoke one cigarette to the end. Then, I come with an idea. We have a small closet nearby. This is a game we played a few times. We get in the closet and close the door, then light a candle inside. It is too small and we cannot stand. We sit face to face, with our knees placed between us and touching. We put the ashtray on the knees and light a cigarette each one, then start to fill the air with smoke. We start to get surrounded with clouds of smoke very fast. Also, the air is getting less and less breathable. After we finish a cigarette, we light the second one. The air becomes more unbeatable now. I notice that Alia keeps his eyes more closed, the smoke is irritating him. Not me. I like it. We light a 3rd cigarette then, even if the air is getting too filled with smoke. Breathing becomes difficult, until at some point smoking becomes almost impossible.

"I need to get out", he says.

"Just breath with your mouth opened", I say.

He lets the cigarette still burning on the ashtray. I take it and struggle to smoke two cigarettes, to make the air even more filled with smoke. Hardly, I finish it. Now, we only breath this thick smoke, with our mouths opened. This continues for a little bit, until he opens the door.

"We made it for longer this time", I say.

"Yes, we did", he says, "but I don't feel ok. It is too much".

"I am happy that we made it this far".

We go back on the bed, where we stay a bit, then smoke another cigarette.

"No surprise you are Nicotiana", he says, touching my knees with his hands. "You are transforming me into a thermal plant.

"That is true", I say, as I put the filter in the ashtray. "Also, you made me wear pantyhose all last summer, even in the hottest days".

It doesn't take much and we light another cigarette. This time, we do a few smoky kisses. He pours smoke into my mouth, then I fill his lungs with my smoke. We also kiss many times, with short or longer kisses.

As we finish this cigarette, he takes my feet in his hands and says:

"Yes, I made you wear pantyhose all summer and also you will do the same next summer".

"Yes, I will. Just hope you don't want to encase me with many thick layers in summer".

"Not in summer", he answers. "But while it still is cold outside, I might. I see two layers. Why not 4?"

"Ok, if you want to challenge me", I say.

I open the closet where we keep our pantyhose supply. We have many. I take a few pairs for me and a few for him. We layer more. We now have 6 pairs each, on top being a black opaque. Wow, this is pressure on my feet, but more pressure I feel around my belly, more exactly to its left and right. Then, we take a few ripped pairs that we still keep in the house and make a cut between the feet, then cut the end of each foot. This way, they are transformed into a top. We take our dresses and blouses out, then put on these tops. Wow, they sure make a pressure around the neck! What is surprising, is how much body heat they keep at your hands. Overall, they also give a black opaque color. Then, we put our dresses back. 6 pairs of pantyhose tops.

"Have you ever tried this?" I ask.

"6 pairs on the feet, yes. But I never layered more then two top pairs", he answers.

"Well, I hope this makes you happy".

"Sure. It is amazing. This is something I never tried".

Only that it hurts my neck, my skin more exactly. But if this makes him happy, I will do it.

We light another cigarette. The smoke gets into our bodies and then out. I instantly notice something different. Smoking while you are encased is different. It is like more smoke can enter your body. After finishing a cigarette, there still is some room for another one. Well, it has a medical explanation. Nicotine decreases heart activity and blood pressure in the brain. By using something to compress the body, more blood gets out of your feet, hands and breasts, to be moved towards the brain and heart. In fact, you feel an increase of energy and also a need to smoke.

With all these layers, I feel more difficult to move. It is hard to make fast moves with your feet or arms. And it feels very hot, that I start to sweat. Alia touches my feet and my arms. I do the same and feel what a pressure pushes on his body. It makes me wonder what makes him feel so happy being squeezed so tightly. He sure enjoys watching and touching me this way.

Then, I start another game, that I never played with him. We take 5 cigarettes and remove the filters for the first 4. We force each cigarette to fit into the next one, creating a very long one, with a single filter. We do two such long cigarettes and give them a light. We smoke these extremely long things. As the first one is burned, you feel nothing. If all five are linked together and no smoke is lost, you can exhale some smoke, but it is so strongly filtered by the other four that you can completely fill your lungs with it and feel like it is air. When the second one starts to burn, you start to feel something, but by now, if you are so addicted as I am, you feel the need to light a separate cigarette. When the 3rd one ignites and the first two are ash, you start to feel some smoke reaching you, but still feels like if you are smoking slims. When you reach the 4th one, the strength reaches a level of a normal cigarette and increases fast. With the last one, it is really hard. I tried with many people this, but usually I was the only one that could smoke the last one down to the filter. Well, we continue until only the filter remains. Wow, this is hard! What amazes me is that Alia also manages to finish all up to the filter. It is rare to see someone doing this.

We go out, to see the river. It keeps on raining and water is above the bridge (if that bridge is still there). My parents will certainly not come today. Then, we go to the kitchen. Today, I planned to wash some clothes. So, I make a fire and put water on it. Then we return to the house. I cannot wear all this encasement. So, we only let a pantyhose top and the original two pairs on our feet. Much better now! I've seen on YouTube someone layered 100 pairs of pantyhose, but for me, that is clearly impossible. Then, we return to the kitchen.

As the water heats up, we keep doing a few smoky kisses and even a gummy kiss. How much smoke we exchanged between our lungs? And how many times our already chewed pieces of gum moved between our mouths? Then, we wash clothes together and we cook something.

Watching Alia washing clothes and cooking is interesting. He is such a copy of me! With a cigarette in his mouth, he is doing the things a woman should do. Maybe it should have been better if he were born as a woman. Or maybe not. Probably it is better the way he is.

Then, we finish and come back to the house. We smoke again. We try to imitate each other, smoking at the same time, with the same moves and keeping the smoke inside the same amount of time.

"Nicotiana", he says. "I've been thinking about having a child together".

"Do you want one?" I ask.

"Yes, I do. But, as we are now, I still think it is a long road until we will have one".

"I know. Being a sfenist, is a hard barrier. I don't think I will ever be able to have real sex with anyone".

"Not that", he says. "If one day we will have a child, what will he think, seeing me dressed as a woman? He will think this is how men should be. I will need to stop this".

"Maybe", I say. "Maybe if we will have a girl, it will be more easy".

"Still, I will not resemble a good father".

"Well, still it is a long way until you will be able to be a father... and I will be able to be a mother".

He takes two fast drags of smoke. I continue:

"I don't see a problem for a child to have two mothers. What I mean, is that I am still far from the point where I will accept your fluids in my body".

"I still am unable to touch you naked", he says. "This will bring my memories back and all that pain. But if you are dressed with something, even a translucent pantyhose costume, I can. Or at least I think I can". He takes again two fast drags of smoke.

"We have to push our barriers slowly forward", I say. "I don't know how far will that be possible".

"I seen we can touch with our feet", he says. "Maybe that is the first way".

"What do you mean, alia?"

"I mean, if we somehow manage to touch our organs with the other's feet, it might be possible to get closer to that point. Then, we will be able to finally have a child".

I take a deep dose of smoke, thinking about this. How to do such a thing?

"You mean, to rub my genitals with your foot?" I ask. "Then, me to do the same on yours, with my foot?" I take another inhale and say: "I don't know, we could try. But we will be doing this one at a time. I don't know how we could do such a thing together".

We agree to try this. First, I will be the rat for experiments. I get in the bed and put a blanket over my body. Alia gets also in the bed, in the opposite position to me. He gently moves one foot towards my organs, between my feet. I feel it. Something inside me is against this, but I think about the chance to have a baby. "Just a little pain, Ana!" says my shadow. "Just manage to take this forward, it will work". Ok. I light a cigarette and I say:

"You got where you should go. Now, slow and easy".

I feel his foot moving, but it is a movement that I don't like. So, I take his pantyhosed foot with one hand and guide it. With the other hand, I am smoking. I start to feel some pleasure, even if it is doubled with some repulsion. I am at the border between two worlds, between my body that wants pleasure and my soul that wants to be alone. And he is not helping. It is far less pleasure then what I can produce with my own hands. Maybe because it is pantyhose over pantyhose and not pantyhose on skin.

My body accepts him, my feet accept to be touched by Alia, but I feel the rest of my body arguing against this. I take another dose of smoke, carefully analyzing my feelings. Still, what surprises me is that I can accept being touched there.

At a point, I feel his other foot approaching. This would be too much, so I move it a bit away. I finish my cigarette.

"Is it everything ok?" he asks me.

"No, not like this", I say. "Just wait a second".

I take my pantyhose off a bit, so his foot can touch me exactly where he should. Then, I light another cigarette and with the free hand I take the foot and move it to where it should be. So many times, he moved to my ass and far away.

If I think that someone is touching me there, I start to feel repulsion. But if I try to associate his foot with an object, like the screwdriver I used so many times, it is more ok. My brain is on fire, at the border between pleasure and pain.

By the time I finish the 3rd cigarette, I feel he is exhausted. And also, I am starting to give-up. But, amazingly, I feel it coming. Unexpected, as he still masturbates me with his foot, I find myself face to face with an orgasm. Well, it might be beautiful, but the other part of me is refusing and urging me to take his foot away from my body. But, it worked. Exhausted, I remove his foot from me and I light another cigarette, to recover.

Now, it is my turn. Well, I hope it will work fast. I spread my legs and start to massage him. At first, I don't exactly know how to do this. I start to gently massage it with one foot, as it increases in size. Doing this, feels a bit strange to me. I feel a little of repulsion, but only a little. Also, I light a cigarette. Then, I try to use also the other foot. It takes time. I ask my self if he feels anything, if it is worth my effort. Can he handle this, or the same repulsion will work like it did for me? Still, I made it. For the first time in my life, I had an orgasm made by someone else, even if it was very hard.

I feel how he moves my feet a bit with his hands, to a better position, then helps me a bit move as I should do. Well, I finish a cigarette and still am working. It is getting me tired. It is not easy to move your feet so much, but still, I don't feel that I need to stop. I light another cigarette, still doing this.

"If it doesn't work, remove your pantyhose so I can directly touch your skin", I say.

"Are you sure you can do this?" he asks.

"I think I am", I answer.

He takes my feet away, then back. Now, I feel his organ straight between my feet. I start moving. I just don't know how should I do. Time passes and I light my third cigarette, still working on this. He takes my feet in his hands and shows me how to. Now, I realize that I can do this thing. Even if I feel something in my body fighting against this, but still I can continue. The smoke makes me stronger. With each inhale, I get more power. It all works. Soon, he takes an empty pack of cigarettes and asks me to take my feet away. Now, he fills the pack with his fluid.

It was not as hard as it was for me, but still hard.

Then, we return to the kitchen and finish washing the clothes. We also smoke a lot in there. I don't know why I need to smoke that much, it is like I always must keep a cigarette in my hand. We make some food, finish making it in fact, but all the time I keep a cigarette in one hand. Even later, as we eat, I make a break and smoke, even smoke while eating.

"Are you ok?" asks him.

"I think so", I answer.

"Maybe we have gone too far", he says.

"I don't know yet", I answer. "Just I need to smoke more then usual".

Because he sees that I don't eat, he moves his head close to me and gives me a kiss, pouring some food in my mouth. Yes, I am not eating much. I answer him by pouring smoke in his mouth. I also blow smoke in his ear, but there the smoke has no way to enter deeper in his body. Then, I take my gum back in my mouth and stop eating. He also takes his piece of gum and stops eating.

We go a bit out, near the river. Now, it is raining with little drops. The river is still large, but there is no chance it can reach our house or the railway station. We smoke another cigarette at the river. Then, we return to the house and do a little cleanup. Since our house is small compared to houses in the Civilized World, it all works very easy.

We are back in the house, sitting on the bed. I look at my feet, covered with yellow pantyhose, then at his feet, covered with green pantyhose. Is it real what we just done? Yes, it is. We light another cigarette in the house and smoke it to the end.

"I think we are getting closer", I say, lighting another cigarette.

"It was much harder then I imagined", he says. "The main problem is that I don't know how to do this".

"We have to do once without a blanket", I say.

Soon, evening comes and we decide to try again. This time, we will try to masturbate without covering our bodies. I am on one bed, he is on the other. We can clearly see each other now. "Ana, if you don't die now, you will never die", I say to myself. We both pull our skirts up, then push the pantyhose down, exposing our organs. Now, I see his organ, better then ever. It is small, but as he touches it, it grows in size. I look how guys do. So strange! Well, a strong feeling against this, feels my body. But, I have to pass this, if I want a child. I take my screwdriver and push the back, the handle, inside me, but much faster then ever before. It is not good. I start masturbating faster then usual. My body feels some pleasure, but far more stronger is the repulsion. But I have to do this! I light a cigarette, then another one. Smoking two at a time, will give me more nicotine to resist.

As I look at him, he moves one hand forward and backward on his thing. This is how guys do? It is much more easy then for me. I watch and struggle to reach an orgasm faster. He also struggles. Good that he has the clothes and the look of a woman, otherwise it would be much more difficult. I smoke two cigarettes at once, as he smokes only one. And soon, he reaches orgasm. I watch how he takes an empty pack of cigarettes and collects his fluid. That is the fluid I will need to insert in my body. As this happens, I try to do this faster, to finish it. Now, it is not about pleasure, but the desire to finish it. Anyway, it is far more repulsion then pleasure. Images from my nightmares come for a few seconds in front of my eyes. I have to do this faster! I have to! I put the two cigarettes in my mouth and work with both hands. Faster, Ana! And yes, I achieve an orgasm. Only that, the pleasure is almost virtual this time. It is like an illusion, hidden beneath a dark layer of nightmares.

"Done", I say.

"Are you ok?"

"I hope so. You?"

"No", he says. "This is too much for me".

It is now getting dark. Alia insists that I should eat something and we go back to the kitchen. I manage to eat, even if not much, but he almost cannot eat. So, we return to the house. We are like unable to speak. All we do is smoking and looking one at the other.

"There is only one more step", I say. "When we succeed this, we are ready to make a child. We will try tomorrow. We will use our hands. My hand on your thing and your hand on mine. We should use gloves. Tomorrow, when we wake-up".

"Ok, we will try", he says.

As the night comes, it is all dark. We have lanterns and candles, so we can make some light around us, but without electricity, we cannot use the laptop. Our connection with the world is halted. No internet, no movies, no music, no nothing. So, we go to bed, hoping that sleep will catch us.

Well, does it? I juts cannot go to sleep. I am an ambitious person and when I have something in my mind, I walk over bodies to obtain it. On the other hand, I am afraid that if I go to sleep, nightmares will come to me. So, I light a cigarette, then another, then another. Sleep starts to catch me, so when I light another cigarette, I almost fall it from between my fingers. Alia is also lighting cigarettes and smoking. I don't know. There comes a moment when you sleep but you don't realize this.

I wake-up when 3 AM should be, but I have no way to know what time it is. We have an electronic clock on the wall, with green digital led numbers, but without electricity, its screen is all black. Who knows what time it is? Nobody. And there is no train to come today. So, I just light another cigarette and wait for sleep to catch me.

Finally, we wake-up both, close to dawn. Some light can be seen outside. As we wake, we both smoke. I look at the pile of cigarette filters... How much did we smoke? My chest hurts when I inhale. Wow, this is something... if not too much, even for me.

Time to take the last goal, to pass the last test! I get out of bed and take some of the long gloves that Stromboli gave us. Two red pairs, one for me and one for Alia. We put them on. I see Alia tries to get some strength, then takes courage and pushes the blanket away.

"Now or never", he says.

The next moment, I feel his hand entering beneath my dress, then pushing my pantyhose down. He searches the place, then starts working on me. I feel him. But I feel no pleasure. It is like everything of me is rejecting. Everything is fighting against, even if I don't move. I feel his hand moving there, then he finds my hole and one finger gets in... or two fingers. I cannot say. There is some pleasure, but it is like a snowball falling in hell. Inside me, all fires are releasing, everything but pleasure. He continues.

At some point, I look in his eyes. I don't see pleasure. He must be feeling what I feel or something similar. Are we doing the good thing? I don't know. All I know is that it doesn't take much and I reach an orgasm. But again, it is anything else then pleasure.

Now, my time. I push my hand beneath his dress and feel the thing, covered with pantyhose. I make my way through, pushing the pantyhose down. It is in my hand. Good I have a glove, otherwise I would not have the power to do this. Now, to do just as I seen him doing. Time to push up and down. I feel the thing growing, then getting harder. So, this is how it moves... I keep on moving for a few minutes.

"It's coming", he says. "Get an empty pack of cigarettes!"

Ok, then. I take an empty pack and put it at that organ's end, while still stroking him. Ok, now. I cannot see, but I hope I did it right. However, it is not like that. I see fluids on my gloves and maybe also on his dress or on pantyhose there are a few drops. And I look inside the pack. This is the staff that I have to insert in my body to have a child? This stinky slimy staff? How horrible! I just throw the pack on the floor. The smell makes me remember. Oh no!

Then, I look in his eyes. I see anything else then pleasure. I see pain in his eyes.

This time, I take 3 cigarettes and light all of them and smoke all of them, to the end. And as I finish, I kneel on the ground. He comes and sits near me.

"Alia, I am sorry, but I think I did a very bad thing to you".

Yes, I realize I pushed him into pain. And he says nothing, just sits near me and smokes a cigarette.

"In medicine, there is a rule", he says. "And that rule says 'first, don't harm'. Nicotiana, we both are sfenists. It is time to stop. We are going too far and this will kill us both. I also want a child, but what good is a child if its mother or father will lose their minds?"

Isn't it right? How many people got insane after sexual abuses? We are sfenists, we are somewhere at the limit. A miracle prevented us to fall over the cliff, but we still are on the cliff and can fall.

"We tried to walk a path we are not ready to follow", I say.

"No, Nicotiana", he says. "That path is not for us. Did that old psychologist woman told you to go through these steps?"

"Not her", I answer. "These are the steps she gave to a sfenist couple which I know".

"Maybe those steps are good for them, not for us", he says.

"Those damn steps almost pushed us to our destruction", I say.

"Nicotiana, psychologists tried to 'cure' me with weird solutions. They even tried to give me pills to increase my libido... and all what happened was an increase in masturbation. What people don't understand is that not everybody can walk on the same steps. A car cannot run on the railway and a train cannot travel on road. The same is with us. We are sfenists and people try to force us into the main population. It just is impossible. We are different and there is no way we can change this".

Isn't it right? What am I doing? I light another cigarette and think about.

"I want a child too, but never dared to think that far. I have another idea. Let's wait until summer and then we will try this, in a much more simple way. Just the most simple one. I masturbate, then I give you a syringe with fluid and you insert it in you... or if you don't want, I will insert it. Believe me, it will be far more easy then all this. In fact, I think we could have done this by now, instead of going through all this", he says in the end.


It was a big mistake what we did at that time. It was a big fall back for our relation. It took a few days until we again could do smoky kisses. Even more time, weeks, took us to reach back to how we were a few weeks before this. We never touched each other's intimate parts for months. And all this, because we are sfenists.

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