In the vault of distant memory

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My contribution for the evening.

In the vault of distant memory
Where our most cherished and most hurtful memories of life reside,
There is a place where death and the maiden meet.

Where what we knew to be true was betrayed
By the onset of maturation and growth
In a manner neither expected nor desired.
Where we grieve for what should have been,
And rage against what is and what has become of us.

A place of death, of hate and of pain.
The death of our dreams,
The rancour and rage at the betrayal of who we are,
And the pain of realization at what we are left with and what we must do to go on.

There is no respite, no relief,
No foreseeable end to an existence which slowly takes our lives,
Like a cancer that hides and grows within us.
The Winter of our lives seems to stretch out in front of us,
Seemingly endless and barren of hope; no Spring on the horizon.

And then comes a day when we discover we are not alone,
We discover that it is possible to become who we were meant to be.
And on that day, somewhere far away on the horizon, we see something.
Unsure of what it is, still, we begin to hope for the coming of Spring.

And so it is that we begin anew the journey to ourselves,
We gather our strength and resources for the trek,
And ever so slowly emerge from our places of protection,
Ever looking to that spot on the horizon.

As we journey, we find many brothers and sisters along the road,
All heading for that same horizon,
All searching for the Spring in our souls.

And as we struggle towards our goal, we reach out a hand
To lift up the tired, the fallen, the injured and the sore of heart.
For there, but for the grace of the Deity, go we.
For we, of anyone, understand.
For we have all fallen, we have all stopped along the road in fear, and we have all been heart sore.

As the journey continues,
We can begin to see that coming Spring clearer and clearer.
And we take heart, knowing that we are getting closer to our goal.
There are still storms to be weathered,
Avalanches to dig out from underneath and thin ice to cross.
But Spring is in sight.

Keep that promise of Spring in your hearts and souls my sisters and brothers,
Let it sustain you on the journey.

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Comments

Well, It Seemed

That as I joined a support group and transitioned I had a number of friends and had gone thru things meaningful to me with them. When I and they finished transitioning and didn't need a support group, these friends evaporated. They now wanted to hang with "regular people" and not trans folk. They were determined and wouldn't change their minds. Trans were OK when needed, but were too weird for every day friends. I was disappointed and after sought to befriend lesbians, but wasn't too successful in that either.

Luckily, Kim and I stayed and are still together and bond with our animals who will return love freely and without reservations.

This mostly happened more than 20 years ago. The Phoenix area is partly high tech and mostly transplants from all over the country. It's neither very conservative or liberal LGBT wise. I wonder if my experiences would be different these day or in other parts of the country?

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee