Chapter 12 – Thesaurus Rex

Mr. Thompson spoke to the class. “You need to see yourself as an instrument. Take care of that instrument. Good posture. Good conditioning. Good warm ups. And Good fun. Make warm ups fun. Enjoy them. Because if you learn to enjoy them, the rest is easy. Think about it this way. If I brought in a football uniform, and said put it on, and you did. Would you be ready to play football? No. Of course not. You don’t have the training yet. You may not have the desire. You may not have the talent. The first thing every day when you come in, I want you all to begin your warmups for five to seven minutes. Ten minutes into the class, we will begin every Monday with learning in small groups, organized by your vocal range, a new piece of music every week. “

“By Wednesday, we will blend it all together. And by Friday, we will complete it. I have given you each your small group list. Get together and get to know each other. Your first concert here on Friday is our warm up. For those of you that have been in past classes, we will also sing songs we have learned before. We will start with new music next week. Jackie and Mary, would you come talk to me please.”

And so began my vocal training making me my third instrument to learn. Mr. Thompson had me throw away my crutch. He taught me how to do warm ups standing next to the piano and had Mary do them with me. He showed me how to breath. She instructed me as well because she could touch me in places he couldn’t. Then he spent time finding my vocal range. “You are an alto with a nice strong voice. It helps that you have perfect pitch too. You will probably become a soprano as puberty hits. I can already hear Mary becoming a mezzo-soprano now, but she used to be a pure alto. That’s puberty for you. Eventually, she will become a soprano. I want you to do your warm ups every morning. You can use the keyboard in your home to help you do that Jackie.”

Mr. Thompson went to work with the other students while Mary talked to me and showed me how to do warm ups at home. She whispered in my ear, “It would be nice to be off in a corner to talk to Samantha. I have been wanting to talk to you. I have some questions. But this is not the place. Can we talk after class?”

“My ride is waiting, but I think I can give you a few minutes if you know a place where we can talk.”

We found a nook after class where we could be alone.

“I think it is obvious that Mr. Thompson wants us to pair us up. We get along and he knows we have worked together before. So, I was wondering if you could either come home with me or I come home with you if that is the way he is going. I know your situation obviously. Can you check out what will work?”

“How do you get home?”

“I take the bus, so you would need to get permission, but it could work out. Here is my address.” She handed me a piece of paper with her address on it and phone number. I quickly wrote down mine and handed it to her.

“I will check it out. They are giving me a ride at the moment, but I think that needs to change. I would love to practice with you Mary. You have been so good for me.”

“It’s easy. You have a wonderful heart for people. Have to go catch my bus. Talk to you tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.” We hugged and ran off.

Mom greeted me at the door. “I have good news. I talked to Bill today and he has arranged a special job for me at the school. They need a remedial teacher to bring up the skills of certain students and they can use me as a one on one tutor during the day. The pay is more than a substitute but less than a full time teacher. So, I would be in the office and be able to leave with you at the end of the day. That means I can drive you to and from school. Plus, you can see me during the day if you need help. It also turns out that I am cheaper than the cop who drives you to and back from school. How was school?”

“It was very nice. I think I am really going to like my singing class.” I threw my arms around her and hugged her. “I love you Mom. Thank you for arranging this. It really solves a big problem that just came up.”

“What problem?”

“Mary wants to come and practice singing with me. I cannot believe it. No one has ever wanted to come and see me at home. Jane and Robert had friends come all the time to the house and, except for Vicki, I haven’t ever had any friend ever. Well, there is Doug. But he is almost like family.”

“Yeah, Doug is family. Speaking of which, can you go tell him that I need his help. The garbage disposal isn’t working and he knows how to get it unjammed.”

After crossing the street and telling him, I found myself kneeling next to Doug who was lying on his back poking his head underneath the sink. “So, is this the Mary from summer? Hand me that hex wrench please.” Doug wiggled the disposal somehow after I handed it to him.

“Yes, she is.”

“There, that should do it. Turn on the water and then the disposal.” I did and it was working again.

Doug got up, put the hex wrench back in the tool box and closed it up. And then he sat down at the breakfast table. “It will be nice to see her again. She is fun and cute.” Doug blushed at what he just said.

“You like her don’t you?” I pinched him and then sat down.

“Well, I have helped her mother out with the installation of software for the hospital. So, I have seen her on occasion since. She is always nice to me.” He had a dreamy smile on his face.

I hadn’t thought about it, but Doug had been growing. He was about five four now and had lost a lot of his baby fat. He looked like a younger version of Pierce Brosnan with brown hair. He had to fight his acne, but except for that, he was turning into a handsome man. I found myself longing for puberty to start. I recently was measured and I am four foot nine now.

Mom walked up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, “Am I going to have to chaperone you Doug when Mary is around?” Doug turned beet red.

He squeaked out with his changing voice, “Maybe. It’s just that I don’t get to know girls my age in high school. I liked working with her during the summer. It would be nice to take someone to the Junior and Senior Prom this year. It will be my last chance.” I had forgotten that he had done so well in school, he was senior now.

Feigning being jilted, I said, “Well, here I thought that Mary was interested in me when she really wants to be with you. That’s fine. I’ll take it. And it sounds like I need to learn how to make a tux.” Mom and I giggled. Doug blushed again.

I went off to spend time with the triplets and enjoy some baby time. I left Mom and Doug talking about where he wanted to go to college.

The next day, during 2nd period Drama, I was surprised to see Mr. Thompson walking in to talk to Mrs. Duncan. I overheard him say to her, “No, really, you have got to be kidding me!” He then looked over at me with a big grin. “No, No, I promise I won’t abuse her. Thanks Georgette!” Mr. Thompson winked at me and waved at me to come over. Mrs. Duncan beamed at me too. Something is up.

“Yes sir.”

“I just asked Mrs. Duncan if she could lend me her magical tailor who has done work for us before because I want to make some madrigal outfits and then she told me that all I needed to do was ask my brand new student to do the work because she is her little miracle worker.”

I blushed. “Yes, of course, I would love to help.” Oh no, not again.

We had finished our warm ups and I had just given Mary the good news about my Mom working at the school. Mr. Thompson called the class to attention. “Now, most of you here were in my class last year. We had a lot of fun didn’t we?” Everyone nodded yes. “Do you remember those outfits that we all bought and sent over to another school to have altered for us?”

Grace Bowers piped up and said, “Yes, we were surprised by how fast they were done. We were expecting it to take a month and we had them back in three days. Whoever did that work was awesome. It would be great to use them again. My parents were thrilled too because of all the money we saved.”

“Precisely Grace. Well, I have some great news for you all. I am putting off working on our competition singing until January. I have found a way we can pay for the competition at the end of March without breaking the bank like we have done in years past for each of you. We are going to do Madrigals this Christmas around town to earn money for the competition in spring. So, we will be learning some classical pieces that can be sung during the Christmas season. For example, next week we will start with the ‘Coventry Carol.’ We could earn as much as $400 per night we book events.”

I began to retreat behind Mary trying to hide. She grinned because she knew what was coming.

“Now, in order to do this, I talked to Mrs. Duncan this morning asking her if we could borrow that awesome tailor to help make our outfits which ought to be a lot cheaper than the tickets and hotels will cost for the competition.” He had a smile that wouldn’t stop. “And guess what I found out guys?”

Grace couldn’t wait, “Tell us Mr. Thompson, tell us. You look like you swallowed the cat that swallowed the canary.”

“Come on up please Jackie.” I walked forward to him and stood next to him. “Class, I am pleased to announce that the magical tailor who did all that fantastic work for us last year turns out to be our newest student right here, Jackie Miller.” Everyone applauded and cheered. I pulled up the side hems of my dress and curtseyed.

“Here, Julian, would you hand out these papers. Okay, I want each of you to go over the photos on each of the pages and vote for your favorite. Please number your choices first, second, third, and fourth choice for our madrigal outfits. Jackie, can you look over the photos here and mark which ones you don’t think you can do.”

The place was abuzz with happy students. They kept looking at me and smiling and then they would discuss what outfits they liked and then laugh. I looked through the photos. I only found one that I didn’t want to do. Not because of difficulty, but because the fabric would tear too easily and I didn’t think it would last past three performances. I told Mr. Thompson that and he agreed. After ten minutes, he collected the results and instructed Mary and me to tabulate the results.

The consensus was a two-piece outfit for the girls. A nice long red skirt that nearly touched the ground and a black velour long sleeved blouse top. For the men, a simple black suit with a white shirt and a tie that was made from the same color as the skirts. Red and black were the school colors. It could be used for madrigals and for school functions.

“Mr. Thompson, can you please get me the pattern for number 10 and I will check out the costs of fabric tonight and let everyone know how much it will cost to buy the fabric.”

“How fast do you think you could knock out the outfits?”

“This is an estimate, but given the design and time to measure everyone here, two weeks after I measure everyone. I could measure four or five people a day next week. I would have everyone’s measurements by Friday. If I arrange everyone by size and then streamline it, I could do about three outfits a day during drama class. By the way Mr. Thompson, Mrs. Duncan is letting me use acting work I did during the summer for my grade. So, I am not expected to do anything more than tailor work anyway and passing her written tests. So, three weeks and for sure you will have the outfits.”

“Excellent. But, you are here to learn too. I don’t want you to fall behind. So, don’t rush. The outfits are needed until November. But, if they are ready by the first week of October, that would be fine too.

Grace came up to me afterwards and said, “You know Jackie I thought you sounded awesome during your audition. I am so glad you are in our class. Did I see you playing the guitar and the piano too?”

“Yes. I am not the best, but I am competent.”

“I can tell that this is going to be a fantastic year. Thanks for doing this for us.”

After she walked away, Mary said, “She is jealous of you and I. I think that is why Mr. Thompson wants us to pair up. Choirs can be the worst cliques in the school. He knows there is going to be a tug of war in the class because whoever has you in their pocket will be able to do solos.”

“Good to know Mary. I think I have already made my choice. I choose the one who helped me with Cybil. She earned my respect and loyalty for life.” I teared up and hugged her. “So, can you assist me in taking measurements next week. That way our friendship is there for everyone to see on display?” She nodded yes.

I went over immediately to Mr. Thompson. “Sir, can I ask one favor?”

“What is it Jackie?”

“I don’t do well with politics. I have been a wall flower for most of my life. I can see that I am becoming a hot item because I play instruments. I am not good at handling girls who will fight over me. If it is not too much to ask, Mary is a close friend. I want her to be my mentor in class. Could you please let me be her shadow?”

“I understand Jackie. You will have to come out of her shadow one day, but Mary is a no nonsense girl. I think you are sensible to ask this. I had planned to have you pair up with a few other girls and help them, but because you know your limitations and have expressed your concerns, I will honor them. Consider yourself Mary’s shadow. I will make it clear to everyone that you two have been friends forever and to be on your good side is to treat Mary nicely if they wish to use your talents.”

“Thank you, sir.” I was happy for my Mom’s warning.

I was surprised and excited to see Mom come to Mr. Thompson’s class room door to pick me up today. She told me that she was starting tomorrow and I was thrilled. I told her about the outfits for the choir and about what Mary said. I told her about my conversation with Mr. Thompson. Mom said, “Good. I am glad you listened to me the other day. Grace could be the nicest and sweetest girl in the world, but if she sees you as a means to her advancing her agenda, she could turn vicious to Mary. I will talk to Mr. Thompson too. I would suggest that you don’t limit yourself to Mary. It may be best for you two to practice at home and then Mary will be considered less of a threat to the other girls. Oh, Doug had a suggestion. We are going to leave a faux medication at the office. When you have to go to the bathroom or visit the office, you will take a pill. That will give the impression that you are avoiding the bathrooms has a medical reason. Doug says that it is for a urinary tract infection commonly known as a UTI. He will tell you about it later.”

When we got home, we got a call from Bill, they needed me for a performance the next day. He would come over tonight and discuss it over dinner. Apparently, he likes my cooking too. I just keep being everyone’s treasure. That gives me a warm feeling. Thesaurus used to mean treasure. So, I guess I am a Thesaurus Rex.

Bill began his pitch. “Hmmm, this chicken casserole is amazing Samantha, thank you. Okay, on the side of town, near the old railroad depot, there is a property with an old abandoned barn. It is scenic and the kind of place a photographer takes pictures with their soon to be brides, engaged couples, wedding photos, etc. But, it is all ours. There is a house where our agents can talk to our perps about business. What we want to do is to have you being photographed by our faux photographer and for him to convince you to take off your top. Then the two of you will disappear into the barn. All they will see is flash bulbs from that point on. You will be whisked out of there and will be staying nearby in case we need you. After you are done, we will spot you a nice dinner at McDonalds and send you home.”

“Can my Mom come along?”

“Certainly.”

“Can Mary come too?”

“You know …”

Chris interjected, “That may not be a bad idea Bill. It would help Samantha further if she has a close friend who knows what she is doing. It will give her someone to talk to when she needs a friend.”

“Okay, your Mom and Mary can watch the rehearsal. Then they can be with you until needed.”

“What are you hoping to get out of this, Bill?” Mom asked.

“The names of victims so we can help them. If they think we have a magical place with the latest tech and a really good photographer, then they may use our facility. Every time they bring a young girl they are victimizing, we can save one more victim. Samantha is going to be the honey that draws these flies into a trap. We figure we can run this sting for months with other agencies too. We want to keep going until we have done as much damage as possible to these people.”

Mom hugged me. “My Samantha is saving girls. I am so proud of her.”

“Is it worth my being a girl for a year now, Mom?”

“Yes it is!”

The next day, Mom drove me to school. During lunch, I pulled Mary aside and asked, “Did you want to come with me today and help capture bad guys?”

“Sounds exciting.”

“They contacted your Mom. She said yes. Thank you for coming.”

Later, they drove us in a van to the site. Mom and Mary watched as the fake photographer and his assistant taught me how to accept a slap from them as though I had been really slapped. We rehearsed the scene several times. I would hold a blanket up to me. The photographer would rip it away. Then pretend slap me to get me to expose me chest. Take some photos and then we would disappear into the barn. The scene only lasted a minute or so. Then they also had a stand in so I could see it from different angles and understand what I was doing and appreciate its presentation to the people in the house.

We waited in the barn. A light came on. We went into our performance. It felt so real that I started to cry and scream “No, please.” I got faux slapped and dropped my arms as I was instructed. A part of me realized that in the future, this would be wrong once I was a girl. And then we scurried into the barn. I got dressed again and we headed to the safe house. An hour later, we got the all clear. They didn’t take us to McDonalds. It was a Wendy’s instead.

“I can’t believe someone would treat a girl like that! How did it feel to act it?” Mary asked.

“Chilling. I felt a little cheap and degraded. I am glad they worked with me though to help me understand it was an act. But the moment I went on stage, you know, acted the part, it felt all too real.” I said.

“If you need to talk to me about future times you do this, I am here for you Sam.” Mary put her arm around me to reassure me that she was my friend forever.

Bill came by our table as we were eating and softly said. “We are looking at getting about thirty names out of this one Samantha. Good job!” We high fived each other.

We took Mary home. “Tomorrow, your place for real?”

“Yes, for real.”

“And, will Doug be there?”

“I think so. Do you want me to send him away?”

“Oh no, I just haven’t seen him in a while. It will be nice to see him again.”

“Oh, okay.”

Mom and I giggled all the way back home. “I saw that a dance is coming up at school the first week of October.” Mom said.

“You think Mary should invite him to the dance?” I was playing a matchmaker.

“Yes I do. Mind if I teach him to dance using you? It would be nice to pay Doug back for all the nice things he has done for us.”

“Nope. I like the way you think Mom. They would make a nice couple. I know it is hard on Doug not to be able to enjoy what the other kids in his class enjoy.”

When we got home, Mom informed Doug that he was going to take dancing lessons with me. Doug just blushed and said, “Ah Mom, do I have to?” The grin on his face said yes though. Mom hugged him and said, “Yes son, you do!”

She called and set us up for a Saturday dance class nearby with a friend of hers from school. Doug and I would be learning to dance for the next few weekends.

At school the next day, at lunch, Mary was excited to hear that I would be taking dancing lessons with Doug. She though it was sweet that I would help him, but dropped a loud hint that she would love to be taking the class with him instead and be the one to go with him to the dance. We were sitting together at a table all by ourselves when Grace came over.

“Mind if I sit with you guys?”

“Sure.” Said Mary.

“Oh, thank you. I have been wanting to get to know you better Samantha. I didn’t realize that you and Mary had known each other before.”

“Well, we have gotten to know each other because of a mutual friend by the name of Doug. His parents work at the hospital as does my mother. He and Samantha are like sister and brother. Anyway, what is new with you?”

“Well, I haven’t had anyone ask me to the dance next month. But I am hopeful that John Thorton will ask me to the dance.” Grace was slowly working up to what she wanted to ask. I could tell by the way she avoided eye contact with me and kept her eyes on Mary. I was just as happy that she did.

She finally had the courage to speak. “I was wondering about the competition in the spring. It occurred to me that the format for the competition requires us to have at least six solos in our repertoire, evenly divided, at least three boys and three girls.”

“Six is the minimum, Grace, you know that.” Mary said.

“Yes, I do. My point is that I really would like to win. I mean for us to win. I want us to have options and take advantage of our Christmas madrigals at the same time. So, I got to thinking that if there is a piano arrangement of the Coventry Carol, I would like to learn to do a solo for it and add it to the list. So, I guess what I am asking is if Samantha would be willing to accompany me on the piano? Do you think that would be a good idea Mary?”

“Interesting question.” Mary said. “When we get together in our small group this next week to practice, let’s give it a try. If the group agrees, then I bet Samantha will agree too.” I realized that Mr. Thompson had told Grace that she had to go through Mary. I was happy. I nodded in agreement. Mary was officially my agent.

“Excuse me, but I really have to go to the bathroom. See you at choir.” I said.

“Oh, Samantha, I notice you have to use the bathroom in the office. Why?”

“I had a urinary tract infection. I have to take a pill every time and they need to test the PH of my urine. Have you ever eaten asparagus, Grace?”

“Yes.”

“Have you notice you smell it afterwards when you pee.”

“Um, yeah. Kind of gross.”

“Well, it is the same thing with me. The drug I take washes out in my urine every time I pee. So, going to the office is the way the nurse makes sure I stay on top of my infection not coming back. It is a bit of a pain, but way better than the UTI I had.”

Later, in 7th period, I had figured out the cost per student for their outfits. $57 dollars for the girls. $46 for the boys. Everyone was thrilled. Mr. Thompson had the fabric ordered and I would be able to pick it up on Saturday after dance class. So, as opposed to starting my measurements the following week, I ask Mr. Thompson if we could just forgo the concert on Friday and let me measure everyone at once. All were in agreement.

So, Friday, I began with Dean Pilsner. He was a nice looking boy of German descent. Blond and blue eyed. “Hi Dean, I am going to be measuring you with Mary’s help. Stand straight and tall please. Okay?”

“O-okay.” Dean stuttered badly, but he sang beautifully.

Mary and I started talking as though Dean wasn’t there as I measured his shoulders, sleeves, chest, and waist. “Would you be okay with me taking dancing lessons with Doug instead of you and going to the dance with him? Sadly. it means you won’t have anybody to take you to the dance Jackie.” Mary winked at me because she knew I realized she was just teasing about my going to the dance. I said, “Oh sure Mary. I think it’s so sweet. I know how Doug feels about you and I know he will say yes. And I can see now that the feeling is mutual.” Mary blushed. I then pretended to be sad and pouted. “Even though I know it means there will be no one to take me to the dance, sniff, sniff.”

Just then, this beautiful voice sang out, “Baby, do you want dance?” from the beach boys. It was Dean. I blushed. All the girls giggled. Dean looked at me and smiled with the most pleading look. Mary looked amused and was biting her tongue.

How was I going to take the next measurement and not get laughed at by everyone? All I needed was his inseam. And he was asking me to the dance in the only way he could. Someone who stutters can sing without a stutter. I did the only thing I could, I punted. I knew that was a football term, but I did it anyway. I prayed I did it right and through the up thingies.

“I will have to ask my Mom’s permission.” By then, everyone heard I was the kid of the new teacher. “I’ll ask her after class, okay Dean?” I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I added with a coy smile, “But I would love to go to the dance with you. Thank you for asking me Dean. You know how to make a girl feel special.” Oh boy, I put my foot in it.

“T-thank y-you.” He smiled and blushed. I took the last measurement hoping no one noticed.

By the end of the class period, I had everyone’s measurements but mine and Mary’s. I figured that I could get those tonight with my Mom’s help. The buzzer rang. I got my backpack and went over to Dean. He smiled and took my hand in his. I felt like melting. We walked down the hallways of the school to the office with him leading me all the way. I could tell he was excited. And so damn adorable with that smile of his. I knocked on my mother’s open door. She was still settling in. She put down a box of books and turned around to look at us. Mary followed us and arrived just in time. “Mom? I need your permission for somebody here.”

“What honey?” She saw Dean was holding my hand. And then she looked at Mary standing behind us with a smirk on her face. Her face spoke both of concern and amusement.

I pointed to Mary. “Mary wants to learn to dance with Doug on Saturdays and Dean Just asked me to the school dance. I said yes only if I had your permission.” My eyes pleaded with her to say no.

“Dean, what are your intentions with my daughter?” Mom got the message and did what she thought Dad would do. However, Mom’s voice lacked Dad’s intimidation. Testosterone does have its uses.

“N-nothing, M-mrs. M-miller. I j-just lik-ke her.” He stuttered out a nervous reply.

My Mom melted. How was she going to find a way to release me from my bond seeing that the handicap of this handsome boy who stutters knowing it made it hard for him to ask anyone to a dance. She knew saying no would crush this poor boy’s dreams of ever getting over his stutter.

“Okay, you have my permission. But only if you take the Saturday morning dance classes with Jackie.” I prayed that her fast thinking would save the day.

“S-sure.” Dean just beamed. I was done for in an instant.

Mom took a piece of paper and wrote down an address and a phone number. Meet us at this place tomorrow at 10:30. I have a friend who has a ballet studio and is going to do a simple dance class for Mary and Doug. She can do it for you and Jackie too. Can you do it?

Dean nodded yes. He then leaned over and hugged me. He waved bye, “S-see you t-tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait.” I answered back trying to sound happy.

I looked back at Mom as he went out of earshot, she said, “I tried honey, I tried.”

“I know; I couldn’t say no to him either. And it is all your fault Mary!” I lightly slapped her on the arm.

“I’m sorry Samantha, I didn’t know he was going to ask you in front of everyone like that. It was really so sweet though how he did it too Mrs. Miller.”

Mom laughed as Mary told her the story and she agreed it was sweet when she heard how he used a Beach Boys tune to ask me out to a dance. We giggled about it on the way home. Then Mom told Mary how my Dad asked her out the first time. Now we were really laughing. My poor Dad, if he only knew.

Doug walked in with us to the house. I told Doug that Dean was coming tomorrow and that he would have to dance with Mary instead. They just looked at each other and smiled. It was clear to everyone how they felt about each other. Mary, Doug, and I laid out the pattern for the new madrigal outfits. I would have to get a master outfit made and then make adjustments off of that one. Believe it or not, Doug showed me a really efficient way to do that. We found the largest girl in the class and I set about making a master pattern around her. All of his genius in Calculus paid off. Doug made notes on each outfit with the corrections I would need to make off of the master pattern for that outfit. He and I did the same thing for the boys. While I was working on it later, Doug and Mary were talking. It was nice to be there on the ground floor of their budding romance.

When it came time for Mary to go home, I let Mom drive her home with Doug and her in the car’s back seat. She asked him if he would go with her to the school dance even though he wasn’t a student at our school. He said yes. He walked her to the door and said goodnight. Mom and I just smiled at each other.

“Look, they are becoming lovebirds Mom.”

“Yes, isn’t it sweet?” We giggled.

I had two close friends now. And my life as a girl was getting better and better.

The outfits were far easier to make than I thought. I found that I was able to cut out all of the skirts that evening along with the tops. I figured that I could have them done by next Friday if I put my mind to it.

It had been a long day. Jane came in and we sat at the dining room table while she got a late dinner. She was impressed with my cooking. I brought her up to date on my school, the outfits, what Mom said about girls, Doug and Mary, the sting, and my going to the dance with Dean.

“Sam, it sounds like you are having fun. But dating a boy?”

“Yeah, I know. But, I am having fun. That is something I haven’t had before. I am actually getting to know people. I even forgot that I didn’t even babysit today. Although, Mrs. Smith said the babies would be fine today if I skipped it for one day.”

Dad came in and sat down with us. “I heard from Chris today. They are thrilled with your work. They admire how conscientious you are and willing to do what is needed to bring down the bad guys. The have told me that an FBI sting may be using you in the next week. In fact, you may have to do some travelling soon.”

I woke up in the morning and went with shorts and a t-shirt. It was on the warm side, so I ate and then headed over to babysit at the Smith’s. “Mrs. Smith, I am sorry for being such a flake this week. It was the first week of school and I was swamped with finding out where I needed to be and what I needed to do.”

“That is okay. If you would, can you introduce to me back up? I think by now you must know girls that can help you out.”

“I think I have a connection that may help me with that, but it will have to wait until Monday.”

I was back home by 10:00. Doug came across the street dressed nicely. It put the pressure on me so I ran upstairs. Since I had an almost full closet and dresser now, I was very happy. I put on a nice dress with a flower print and came downstairs. At Mom’s insistence, I wore heels. I hadn’t seen my boy clothes in months it seemed like. I had a bunch of girl shoes and a nice complement of clothes I didn’t have to make.

Mom drove us to a strip mall where there was a dance studio for ballet. Mrs. Cox went to school with my Mom. She was doing this as a special favor because she was hoping for more girls to find out about her studio. She wasn’t hurting for clientele. But she knew she needed good will and word of mouth. “Hi Denise, thank you for doing this.”

“No problem, Pamela. I didn’t realize that you had another daughter.”

“Yes, she didn’t express interest in dance until very recently. And that was because she was asked to go to a dance at school.”

It was 10:25 and Dean showed up first with his mom. I had to admit, he was sort of handsome. Even with his braces. Then Mary showed up. All the parents sat in chairs and chatted about us as we learned how to dance. Mrs. Cox showed us the foxtrot, the rumba, the cha cha cha, and the waltz briefly with a male partner whom I assume was Mr. Cox.

Dean and I prepared to do the foxtrot. I smiled as Dean took my right hand and we placed our hands on our partner’s shoulder blade. I looked up into his eyes and I was transfixed. It was my job to follow his lead. I had to look to him to guide me on the dance floor. For someone who stutters, I was surprised to find that his moves were fluid and graceful. Mary, I could tell, was questioning her decision to learn with Doug who wasn’t as graceful as Dean. I ignored hearing their mistakes and found myself getting lost in Dean’s blue eyes and following his every move as he guided me around the dance floor. Mrs. Cox, sensing that Dean was a natural, showed us some variations which included an underarm turn. The only thing I didn’t like about it was that I had to turn away to look where I was and then use his body as a means of turning while he watched me. My experience in ice skating let me make it a graceful turn and soon, we were not only doing the foxtrot, but I was being guided by him into an underarm turn, a promenade, and a sway step variation. I was in heaven.

By the time the session was done, Mary and Doug were much better. And Dean and I were becoming pretty good dancers. I hated to hear that it was over. I enjoyed being in his arms and at his command. We said our goodbyes. I excused our departure on the need to do the madrigal outfits for the class. But, I really wish I could have stayed and talked to Dean. I gave him a hug before he left and said I enjoyed dancing with him.

On the drive back, Mom said, “Sam, you were doing very well. Dean’s Mom was very impressed with you. She said her son really likes you. I’d be careful. You know that you don’t want to lead him on by accident.” I looked over at Doug in the front seat. He read my mind. He knew I was enjoying it and wanted more.

I chose my words carefully, “Dean is a skillful dancer. He made me look good. I will be careful not to hurt him Mom. Thank you for your words of caution.” My heart sank. I was falling for Dean.

During my neutral week, Doug had removed my implant. So, lately, he was giving me oral drugs to keep my boy hormones in check. His recently blood tests showed that my body was trying to start puberty but was in check. After my becoming a secret agent, he decided to go ahead and start me on female hormones. He decided to go with pills since it was easier to adjust dosages and it would give me a slow and progressive puberty rather than a fast one. It would also let me better control my emotions. I was elated to realize that I was going to be starting female puberty at last. My work in helping end child exploitation was giving me an avenue to move forward with me dream. My parents saw me as a girl every day. And I was a girl 24/7.

Doug got serious for a moment. “Sam, I think Mary knows. I think she knows you are transgender.”

“Do you think she will out me?”

“No, but I think she will help us. I just need you to know that I plan to handle it. If I have to ask you, I want you to say to her that she should just listen to me and that I have your back.”

I spent the afternoon working on the outfits. I talked to Mrs. Smith earlier and she dropped off her babies and their potable cribs in our place. So, while I finished the sewing the girl’s skirts and tops, I watched the babies too. Jane was there to help too along with my mother. By the time Mrs. Smith picked up her babies, I had the girl outfits done.

Sunday, we did much the same thing. By the end of the day, I had all the boys done too.

Monday morning, Mom and I loaded up the car early and took the completed outfits into Mr. Thompson’s classroom and hung them up with each student’s name on their outfit. When he came in, he was thrilled. He and my mom had a really nice chat too. All about me it seems.

During second period drama, I talked to Mrs. Duncan who said she would ask at my old school if someone lived in my neighborhood and see if there weren’t a few new girls I could call upon to do babysitting chores at Mrs. Smith’s house.

I had couple of times during the day I was sick to my stomach and had to run to the bathroom. But, I was okay. I smiled because I knew that my female puberty was starting.

Doug and Mary went for a walk after we got home. They were gone for about an hour. When they came in, Mary had tears in her eyes and came up and hugged me. She whispered in my ear, “I love you. I will help you in your journey too. This explains so much. I have been wanting to ask you.”

I teared up and said back in hers, “Thank you. I love you too. Thank you for helping me.”

Nothing more was ever said after that. Doug would still be my go to person. But, from that point on, I knew I had two friends helping me on my journey.

Doug informed me that I needed to trust him because he had a good plan. Just enjoy being useful to the government. Let them extend my being a girl to the end of the next year where I might do a brief stint in Canada as an exchange student. He had a devilish smile and I knew that whatever he had planned would be incredible.

Tuesday, Mary came with me to talk to Mrs. Smith. Realizing that my undercover work was so important, she made arrangements to cover for me on those days I would be called out to serve. My mother would drive her home. A side benefit was her being able to see Doug.

Mom, Doug, and I headed out with Bill one night. I found myself in what they called a safe house. We sat down with my guardian ad litem with several agencies present to discuss the course of how I would be used for the next ten months or more. I am not at all sure all who was there. I heard ATF and FBI. I also heard Secret Service. There were about five agents there in addition to Bill and Chris. Three woman and two men. I had dressed my best at Bill’s request. I wore the dress I wore to the funeral and was wearing nice hoop earrings, had done my hair up nicely by Mom and Jane, had red nail polish, and then Mom helped do my makeup. I wore the tan shoes I wore to the dance. I liked them with this dress. And, I wore the stocking Mom bought me for the dress. The purse I carried was a simple purple one that hung over my shoulder. It had my lip gloss which I had used earlier. I wore a nice open sweater too. I looked all girl. Bill explained it as they didn’t want to see a boy in drag. They needed to see a girl.

I smoothed my dress under me and sat down at a table to talk to everyone. By their reactions, I was all girl.

Bill said, “You are here Samantha so they can get to know you better. Then, your Guardian and the agents will arrange times they can use you for their sting operations.”

“I understand. Please, feel free to ask me what you need to ask to know more about me. My Mom here can fill in any details I don’t understand.”

A woman agent said, “You’re a boy? That is very hard to believe.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you for the complement. I started to play a girl in my Shakespeare class last year and, long story short, I crossed paths with Mr. Leitner here who is the best friend of my Dad. It brought me to his attention. To protect me from discovery, my Dad felt that I should be disguised and living as a girl constantly until I hit the point in puberty I can’t anymore or at the end of the time I promised the state is over. I really like what I am doing to help protect girls.”

“Hello Samantha, my name is Sue White. I am a special agent with the ATF. It is a pleasure to meet you Samantha. I hear that you have cracked open two cases for the state police resulting in considerable damage to a child porn ring.”

“Yes ma’am. I have been helpful according to what I have been told. I wish I had as much courage as they do. I don’t feel I have that much courage, but they tell me I do. They just tell me what to do and I do it. I don’t see anything special about that.”

“Have you seen any of the photos taken of the exploited children?” asked a man in a suit.

“No sir, they have been very careful not to show me what photos have been taken of children. I am glad of that. I am not interested in seeing them. I even hate the magazine my brother used to keep in his room. I was happy that he removed it when he went off to college. I know I am supposed to be curious, but after seeing how it hurt my friend Vicki, I don’t think I ever want to see one of those magazines again.”

“How do you feel about the scene you did with the state police?” asked another woman agent.

“It saddened me that someone would think that was a good thing to watch. But I understand that the people who do these things to little girls are sick in the head. For me, running around in swim trunks is nothing next to a pool. Being a boy, there is no feeling of real embarrassment when I play one of the scenes. I think that a good man is someone who would never do that to a girl. So, if anything, it makes me feel embarrassed to know a man would act like that toward a little girl. I don’t want to grow up to be that kind of man. Ever! I think that is one reason why my Dad asked that I disguise myself as a girl all the time while doing this. When I see how boys treat me and other girls at school, I have a greater appreciation for why I am doing this job. It makes me more sensitive to what is happening to girls if I live like one. If I were to be a boy when I am not doing these scenes, I might forget how important protecting girls are and think the scenes are normal. Also, I don’t think my Dad wanted me to be able to imitate that behavior or be tempted to act it out with another boy while I was helping stop this kind of behavior as a means of becoming their friend. And to be truthful, I am much better behaved as a girl than I would be as a boy. So, my Dad’s insight in asking to be a girl while do this was very well thought out by him.”

My mother perked up at my explanation of why Dad asked me to be a girl and was slightly nodding her head.

“Are you being paid by the state?” asked a male agent in casual clothes.

“No sir. I am strictly a volunteer. The only thing they have done for me is to provide my girl wardrobe. A very nice woman officer named Officer O’Brian helped me buy my clothes. I hear that she is coming over soon to help me buy more because my Mom here thinks I need a better selection for school that is more in keeping with what she sees at my school. Also, I started volunteering for this by helping a girl who had been exploited by one of my brother’s friends. When my brother brought it to the attention of Mr. Leitner, they used me to help her get her life back. It was my Dad’s idea that I could do more than just that one sting. My Dad is a very smart man as I have already mentioned.”

Bill spoke up, “Thank you Samantha for letting us get to know you. We are going to let you go to the kitchen and have something to eat while the agents, your police guardian, and your mom go over a schedule on how we can best use your talents. But, thank you. You did an excellent job.”

As I left, I could see all smiles on the agents. Apparently, they liked what they heard. Bill told me later that three of them were something called profilers. They were experts in understanding how bad people think. He said my answers put them all at ease because they were concerned I might think the scenes were normal. Mom said that she was impressed too and finally understood why Dad insisted I be a girl.

It was agreed that I would be a girl until the end of the following year at least. Per a suggestion from Doug, I would spend the end of that year as a six week exchange student in Canada so I could transition back into being a boy. I knew he was up to something. I was getting excited.

I would have two assignments a month with December off. One on a weekend and one during a weekday. There were optional days marked as alternative dates, but I was only to do scenes twice a month. Mom went over my school schedule and made sure that I was available and it wouldn’t conflict with school activities. So, for the next fourteen months, I was going to be a girl twenty-four seven and I was happy.

Mom brought me into the office of a psychiatrist after school the next day. “After the meeting, it was decided that you needed a professional counselor who would either say you were or were not fit to work the stings. That is her only concern. I have been told that what you say in there will never leave that office. This way, they can be sure you aren’t being damaged psychologically by the roles you will be asked to play. You will talk to her after each mission. I was ushered into Dr. Cramer’s office.

“Hello Samantha or do you want me to call you Sam? Please, call me Erin. I am here to give you guidance and support.”

“Samantha please. So, is it true what I heard that the only thing you are allowed to say to the agents is whether or not I am fit to do the work or not? And that we can talk about anything so long as I can keep my head straight about the work I am doing to catch the bad guys.”

“Yup. Most policeman get the same benefit these days as part of their contracts. This gives them an outlet to talk about their feelings. Your case is a little different. Normally, I will see a boy like you dressed as a girl who is actually a transgendered patient. Your police guardian felt you needed a professional who was used to seeing a boy in a dress and could help you with any distress you have playing a girl. I hope you understand that my job is to help you resolve your feelings about doing what you are doing.”

“So, for example, I could tell you that I was like one of your transgendered patients and as long as I am not being hurt by what I am doing to catch bad guys, it would stay in this room. And you would still certify me as fit.”

“Well, yes, if you want to put it that way. So, tell me how you feel about dressing as a girl when you are a boy?”

“I am transgendered and I am thrilled to be dressed as a girl.”

She thought I was teasing. “No really, Samantha, all teasing aside. I appreciate your sense of humor. But, tell me how you feel about wearing a dress. I mean you look lovely and it is clear that you are presenting as a girl very well. There must be some resentment.”

I reached into my purse and pulled out the old photo of me when I was two and handed it to her. “No, really. I feel great since I have realized I was a girl at the age of two.” I gave her some overview of what Doug did for me and how he was helping me cope. But I didn’t mention his medical intervention with drugs. She laughed when she found out it was my Mom and then my Dad who insisted I be a girl this year. “I just grabbed the chance to be a girl when it was offered. I was so very happy.”

“I bet! Oh my, then this being a girl isn’t hurting you at all. In fact, it is giving you a year that we would require anyway to find out if you really are transgender or not. You are so lucky! No, I won’t tell your parents. That will be for you to decide when it is time. Why ruin a good thing? And no, I won’t be telling anyone else. But, I would like to help you with your transgender issues, if you don’t mind. And yes, based on what I am hearing, I will certify you for service.”

“I think that would be wonderful Dr. Erin. I really appreciate this. It would be nice to talk to someone who deals with transgenderism too.” I was clearly giddy.

“I will set you up for a ninety-minute session once a month with a brief phone consultation after every mission. That way I can use your paid for time to counsel you on your ‘girl’ issues. But, from my perspective, you have been adjusting very well. I can see that Doug fully implemented ideas I would have talked to him about anyway. I am also really pleased that your friend Doug got your mind off of your problem and started you down the path of self-actualization. By focusing on others in your journey, you have found a positive outlet to express your inner girl. Whether doing babysitting, dancing, music, or any other endeavor, you have been growing and maturing as any other female would have been. That is one of the problems that can happen with a few transgender patients. Their dysphoria can become so acute that they forget they have to grow those parts of themselves that aren’t a part of being one sex or the other.”

“Thank you. It kind of explains why he smiled this morning when I said I was going to be seeing you. It was like he knew you.”

“Really? What is his full name?”

“Doug Ryland.”

“Is his mom is an endocrinologist and his dad is an oncologist?”

“Yes, those are his parents.”

“Well, then I have met him. I am friends with his mother. It explains some conversations I had with him over the years on the issues of transgenderism in a family dynamic. Hmmm. On a related tangent, it is just my guess, but I suspect that your parents are becoming used to you being a girl. I think at the end of the year of being a girl, they will embrace the real you. It may be the best approach not to tell them yet. In the meantime, I am giving you a recommendation to see an endocrinologist to block your male hormones and put you on female hormones if you wish. That is if you want. As a medical doctor, if I see signs of a female puberty, I can certify you still for your job. Just bring me a blood test and I will keep it quiet. That is the other advantage of coming to see me and having a guardian ad litem.” She winked at me. Then she wrote out a piece of paper and gave it to me. I put it in my purse.

“One last thing before we talk to your Mom. Can I have your permission to interview Doug about the first time he saw you as a girl.”

“Yes, by all means. I would love you to talk to Doug.”

Mary and Mom were chatting about clothes when I came out. “How did your short session go honey?”

“Nice. This was a great idea. I like being with someone whom I can talk to freely about all of this and who works with the police so she can tell if I am in need of help. That was a smart thing to do for me.”

Dr. Cramer called Mom in and we talked while Mary waited for us. “Mrs. Miller, I just want to assure you that in my professional opinion there is going to be no psychological harm in Samantha being a girl this year. Also, this is some info for getting various devices for Samantha. You don’t want her to be exposed when doing a twirl in a school dance. They use these in undercover operations where men dress like women so the sizes are adult. But the company does have smaller sizes too. Other than that, just let him enjoy the experience of being a girl. A little exploration at his age doesn’t hurt. If we detect any concern, we will stop it right away. I will see you next month Samantha. It was a real pleasure meeting you. And, I must say, as a girl, you are very pretty.”

I resisted the urge to curtsey and just said thank you.

Mom told Dad what she said. They both looked relieved. The next day, she called a company and had a couple of items shipped to us to insure I had them for the school dance.

Doug was thrilled with the doctor’s referral. He made arrangements to transfer my care from him to someone he trusted at the hospital. I would be getting a real doctor’s care at last. Although, Doug has been doing a great job. He had been taking blood on a regular basis. In fact, he said he may still do that since the doctor would only do it once a month.

The story line was that I would get tested on my hormone levels every month to make sure I wasn’t so far into puberty that they had to stop using me. The cops loved this. The medical intervention was under my guardian ad litem, so my parents didn’t even have to be informed about my medications. Doug loved that his plan was really working better than he had ever hoped.

The next few weekends were wonderful. I learned to dance the rumba and the waltz with Dean. We practiced at school. I was enjoying being in his arms. Ever the gentleman, he didn’t press his advantage. My Mom made it clear to him that I wasn’t allowed to date until I was in high school. Dances and school functions were okay. But if he wanted to date me, he had to wait until high school.

The big day was coming up for the dance. It was a Saturday dance and in a week. I begged my mother to help me get a new dress. Since my clothing was bought by the police, most of my outfits were either too wrong for school or just ordinary that I could wear to school. Nothing special. I wanted to look nice.

“C’mon Mom, please? I don’t want to go looking like a tramp. I know I am not supposed to want a new dress, but I want to fit in too. I really don’t have anything to wear. And we haven’t gone shopping for me for either boy or girl clothes in ages.”

That last comment made the most sense to her. “That’s right, we haven’t gone in ages.”

“So, what should a young lady wear to the dance?” I pouted.

Doug said, “How about a burlap sack.”

“Doug Ryland, you are … such a ….”

“Goof.” he interjected.

Mom laughed, “Okay, I will take you shopping. Anything to keep you two from fighting.”

“Dad’s given me money for the dance too. Can I come along? I need help looking good for Mary.” He was trying to sound like a giddy me but blew it. He blushed.

“Sure. We would love it.” Mom said as she went to get her purse.

I hugged Doug, “Thanks for convincing her.” He smiled.

We piled in the car and headed down to the mall. It was certainly different that just months earlier when I was in the dress shop hunting for a dress for the funeral. I didn’t even realize that I was in the junior section back then. This time we could talk. We weren’t as numb. The lady in the dress shop recognized us. I guess we were so depressed during our last visit that she couldn’t forget.

“Oh, how lovely to see you again. How can we help you today?” she quipped.

“I would like something for my school dance. I was thinking something simple with maybe a longer hem in the back and a shorter hem in the front.” I was thinking of a dress I saw in a Simplicity pattern.

Doug sat down and watched as my Mom and I pulled out several dresses. I had fun going in and trying them on. Mom seemed to have fun too. We finally settled on an orange dress with white dots. It was a simple dress with a belt at the midriff. And it made me feel so nice and pretty. I hugged Mom and thanked her.

“Can I get shoes to go with it too?” My eyes pleaded with my Mom. So, we got some nice tan heels that went very nicely with the dress at the shoe store.

“Earrings too Mom? Please?” I could see that I might have pushed it too far.

Doug laughed, “Mrs. Miller, you might as well give in. You are going to have to chaperone the dance and if your daughter doesn’t look nice for the dance, then she will get teased to death at school. Means more work for you if you don’t.”

Mom sighed. “Okay.” I winked at Doug. He saved the day again.

We went to the men’s section of Dillard’s and found Doug a nice suit. He had fun trying on stuff. My Mom and I enjoyed helping him find a nice navy blue suit. I would alter it for him later. I am so glad that Mrs. Duncan taught me how to alter men’s clothes too. Then we had lunch in the food court. It was a nice way to end the outing.

The day of the dance came. I was just finishing my makeup with Jane’s help and putting on some perfume. Dean rang the doorbell. Dad ushered him in since Mom was already at the school helping out. I came down the stairs appropriately minutes late. He stood up and handed me a red rose. I smelled it and drank in its fragrance. I savored the moment. “Y-you l-look lovely t-tonight, J-jackie.”

“Thank you, Dean. It is a lovely rose. And you look very handsome. I have the nicest looking boy taking me to the dance tonight.” He blushed. I felt pretty and loved. To Dad and Jane, it might have looked like an act, but it wasn’t to me. I hugged my Dad and handed him the rose asking him to put it in a vase for me. He said he would put it on my nightstand. I give Jane and hug and said thank you. “She whispered in my ear, “You just have a good time you pretty little heart breaker.”

Dean took my hand and we took the long walk down to the car where his mom was waiting to escort us to the dance. I enjoyed being led by him. He released my hand, opened the rear car door, and I sat down smoothing my dress as I went in and swung my legs together into the car seat gracefully. As I began to put on my seat belt, I smiled up at him saying thank you. He closed my door gently and came around to the other side. As he did, I said, “Thank you Mrs. Pilsner.”

“Your welcome. You look very nice tonight Jackie. I think Dean has the prettiest girl in the school with him tonight.” I blushed as he got in.

“I think I have the handsomest boy at the dance if you ask me Mrs. Pilsner.” He blushed and smiled at my complement.

With his stutter, his small actions took on a whole new meaning. We held hands until we got to the school.

I waited while he came around to escort me out of the car. I felt like I was stepping on to the red carpet. My outstretched arm taking his hand was all girl. It was then that it occurred to me that a similar scene was being played out by Doug elsewhere with Mary. We walked hand in hand to the gym. The theme of the dance was slow dancing. Only modern music which invited a slow dance was played. Nothing hard rock and roll.

My first school dance ever with a boy was to The Beatles ‘Michelle.’ We took our positions and Dean led me around the dance floor. I was in a dream. I felt I was on display for the whole world to see. I could see by the smile on Dean’s face that he was smitten with me. After a few more dances, we sat down to have some punch.

Doug and Mary came up. They were smiling.

“We saw you both on the dance floor. Very nice.” Doug said.

“You were dancing splendidly. You two should consider ballroom dancing. I saw a Japanese movie a couple of months back at the university called ‘Shall We Dance,’ and it looks like a lot of fun.” Mary said.

I put my hand on Dean’s knee and said, “Maybe when I am older, I would love to ballroom dance with you. I don’t have the time now, but I look forward to doing it with you.” He hung his head down.

“She is right Dean. Figure about her freshman year in high school when she can start dating you. That is just the rules of the house.” Doug came to my defense.

He looked up and smiled anyway though I could tell his heart was breaking. I took his arm and put my head on shoulder. “Until then, we can sing together, okay?”

“I-l l-like that id-dea! Y-you sing w-wonderfully J-jackie.”

“Oh, thank you Dean. But I prefer to hear you sing. You have a nice voice.”

The rest of the night, we waltzed, rumbaed, and did the cha cha cha. Finally, about 9:30, we came to the last dance. Mr. Thompson pulled a sly one. Suddenly, I heard from the speaker system the opening notes of a song he knows I adore. Doug looked like he had been warned. We started to dance the waltz step as I heard, “J’ai compris tout les mots.” We were dancing to Celine Dion singing one of my favorite songs, ‘Pour que tu m’aimes encore.’ We danced a waltz step and he could see the passion in my eyes and how much the song meant to me. He responded in kind. Moving to the music, I found myself twisting and turning in unison with this blond hunk in the making to the beat of the music. I felt my dress swaying with the rhythm of the music and my feet moving in response to his leading me. Our movements became bolder and soon he was swinging me under his arm and turning in a swirl of orange with large confident steps during the chorus. I let him dip me and bring me up and we continued with our immersion to the music and ended in a flourish and me twirling ending with our eyes locked on each other. I stood there staring at him with a broad smile. He was grinning too despite his braces. We collapsed into each other’s arms as the group of dancers surrounding us applauded our performance.

I wanted this again. I needed it now. I desired it more than life. I had to be all woman so I could take this further than this charade of my body would allow me. I would have to wait. I looked over at Doug. I didn’t know what he had in mind, but it couldn’t get here fast enough. My breathing was heavy and my heart was still beating fast from the dance. I didn’t know if it beat for Dean or the woman I was becoming or both. But I felt alive. I curtseyed to the fans, to the man who was my savior, and my new found ally in Mary.

I looked towards the chaperone’s table and my mother was also applauding our performance and beaming. I could see that for the moment, Samuel was a faint memory and she was seeing only Samantha, her daughter. Her very pretty and happy daughter.

I hugged and kissed Dean on the cheek as he let me out of the car. “Thank you for a wonderful evening Dean. You are a joy to dance with and I will forever remember my first dance as being one the best moments in my life. I wish it could be more than that, but I have to obey my parents. I cannot date until I am a Freshman in high school. I hope you understand.”

“W-will I-I be f-first on y-your list?”

I kissed him again on the cheek and whispered in his ear. “In a heartbeat! And you better be there waiting for me mister.”

He walked me up to door hand in hand. My Dad opened the door and looked at the two of us. “Miserable evening guys, huh?”

“Daddy!” I stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed. He thanked Dean for taking good care of me and being a gentleman.
“You may take my daughter to another dance son.” And then I put my arm around my Dad and we both said good bye to Dean. We watched as he walked back to his Mom’s car.

We both watched him get into their car and continued to wave as they drove off. I waited with my Dad until they turned off our street.

“I hope he finds a very nice girl when he grows up. He is such a considerate gentleman.” I said.

“He accepted that you couldn’t date until high school.”

“Yes Daddy, he did.” And it broke my heart to say that.

“I think it is for the best. He will forget you and find someone else. But at least you gave him the confidence that he was worth dating.”

I looked back at the empty street remembering that for a brief moment it had brought me a wisp of a dream and took it away back from me, “Yes, I hope I have. One of us should get something they want out of tonight.” I almost said why not both.

Mom came into my room on Monday after my morning warm ups and talked to me. “Sam, I talked to Mrs. Pilsner. I remembered what you said in the safe house and I think you should take ballroom dancing classes with Dean Pilsner.”

I nearly fainted when she said this. “Why Mom?”

“One of the agents casually said that if any bad guy was to do something they called social networking to find your true identity, it would be to look for a girl who has no boyfriend. And, I saw how much you enjoyed dancing with him. And, I think it will keep you out of trouble if you learn how a lady is treated right.”

“But, he is a boy and I will only be learning the girl’s part.” I wanted her to realize what she was asking me even if it was what I wanted.

“I know, but it is a win win. He needs to come out of his shell. And you need a shell to hide in. And the government is paying for the classes as part of your cover.”

“Okay Mom. I trust you.” I hugged her and got ready for school. I was going to learn to dance now.

At the end of 7th period I walked up to Dean, “My Mom has something special she wants to ask you.” I was smiling ear to ear.

He smiled and said, “W-what?”

“Follow me. Trust me.” I took his hand and led him to my Mom’s office. Mary followed. She was not going to miss this for the world. Dean looked worried and confused by this girl leading him down the school hallway.

I knocked on my mother’s door and squeezed his hand. “Good to see you Dean. Please, come in.”

“Dean, I have an important question to ask you. Now you know I won’t let you date Jackie yet, but I have talked to your mom and if you are agreeable, Jackie would like you to be her partner in some ballroom dancing classes she wants to take. Are you interested?”

Dean looked at me. He started to beam a smile that could light any dark room. “Y-yes M-mrs Miller, I w-would love t-to!”

“Okay, your mom will talk about it tonight with you when you get home. But, Jackie wanted to ask you first before we set up the times for your two to attend dance class.”

I led him out of my Mom’s office to send him home. I hugged him and said. “Thank you for saying yes. I enjoy dancing with you.” I stood on my toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. He and I blushed.

Mary said, “Now you two, not until high school. You know that.”

Dean just smiled at me and waved good bye. I blew him a kiss and waved good bye. Mary laughed. I turned to her and folded my arms as if I was put out with her. “You do know that we have arranged for you and Doug to take the classes with us young lady!”

“Oh, no, you didn’t! You little sneak. You are so going to pay!”

“Like hell I am, you know darn good and well you want to do this too. How could I let my best girlfriend miss out of all the fun!”

Mary hugged me, “So, I am your best girlfriend now am I?”

“Yeah. What was I thinking?” We hooked arms and laughed as we went back to wait for my mother. It was so nice to have a girl girlfriend again.

Mom and Mrs. Pilsner ushered the two of us into the dance studio. I could tell my Mom thought that ballroom dancing would be more like the lesson Mrs. Cox did when we prepped for the dance. I could tell because when we all sat down to watch other students there doing their dances, her jaw dropped. She hadn’t considered what she was getting us into. There was a couple of dancers around Doug’s age. He was in faux suit that was actually a kind of leotard for his shirt and his pants looked very stretchy too. She was in kind of a leotard with an open back and sequined with what looked like a limp grass skirt that gave the illusion of the leotard looking like a dress.

They began their dance. It appeared they were doing the Rumba. She gyrated and shook her body like she was enticing the male dancer with her sexy moves to come over and dance with her. The dance was very nice, but very adult. My mother seemed a little uncomfortable realizing that I may actually be asked to dance that way some day. I was amused that she was unaware of what I was starting with Dean. But she couldn’t back out of it now.

Mrs. Jordan came up to introduce herself. She is the ballroom dance instructor for the beginner’s class we would soon take. I held Dean’s hand and listened to her talk to Mrs. Jordan.

“I am surprised. I expected that ballroom wasn’t so, so sexy. I don’t know about my daughter learning to do that dance I just saw.”

“I understand Mrs. Miller. Those students are our advanced competition dancers. Your daughter may want to compete one day and do those dances. But, for beginners like her and Dean, the dances are more modest and the outfits a little plainer.” I could tell that she had this discussion before. She wasn’t phased in the least by mother’s concern about the dancing being too adult. Secretly I was delighted. I thought it looked fun. I loved the outfit and visualized myself dancing in it doing all those sexy moves. It sent shivers down my spine to think I could dance like that one day. And with Dean too!

Our class was pretty nice. Doug and Mary seemed like they were having a good time. I liked the simple way they taught. We all would imitate the teacher as she did the steps. Then she would pair us up and we would do the steps again. She taught how Dean to let me do a twirl as Dean released me at the end of a dance. My dress would twirl around and it felt wonderful. It was a short lesson this first day. Then, she sat down with us and explained what kind of shoes we needed, the clothes I should buy to look good on the dance floor. And some details about the panties too. She made it clear that I should buy off the shelf ballroom dresses with underpants or my mom would be going crazy. We spent some time in their shop and Mom bought me a couple of outfits with matching underpants.

The next weekend was an FBI sting. I was taken out of choir on Friday to the airport and Mom and I flew to Colorado where I was taken to a farm outside of Castle Rock. The set up was familiar. They decided to do what we had done back home to keep it simple. The goal was to do scene tomorrow or Sunday. We would stay in the house. I looked at the frig and the pots and pans with my Mom.

“We will do take out. Don’t worry.” Said one of the agents.

“No you won’t I said. You have a kitchen here and I want to cook the entire weekend.” I was very forceful.

I sat down with my mom and we wrote out a list of food to get for everyone. I checked the kitchen again to see if I missed something. It did have vanilla and cinnamon. We handed him the list.

“Is there a grocery store nearby?”

“Yes.” Agent Harvey said. “It is called King Sooper.” He went off to get everything on my list. I sat down and planned a menu for the next three days. I saw a couple of sour dough baguettes the agents had let get stale from a few days beforehand.

When the agent got back, I took the disposable aluminum pans he bought and began to put together various dishes. Mom and I enjoyed working together. I took the baguettes and made a ‘pain perdu’ casserole. Pain perdu is commonly known as French toast in English. We put together a chicken and rice casserole. And Then I prepared a pork tenderloin with my favorite brown sugar and Dijon glaze. I put it in the oven and then prepared a meatloaf for Sunday night in case we had to stay. Inside of two hours, we had all the food we would need for the weekend prepped and ready in the frig.

I carefully wrote out the instruction for each dish and taped it to each of the dishes. Then Mom and I settled into our room. She went to lie down and I went back down and finished making dinner. The agents had some Coors beer and were talking about having taken the tour of the plant the last time they were there when I came into the room. I was impressed that they stood for me.

“You don’t have to do this for us Samantha. We appreciate it, but you aren’t the help around here.” Said Agent Harvey.

“Thank you, but this is keeping my anxiety down. I find cooking relaxing and taking care of you guys is a good way for me to relax. Go back to your beers guys.”

There were four agents stationed with us for the duration. More would be there during the sting, but these agents were there to protect us. Agent Harvey was in his 40s. He was a tall and slender man with grey sideburns and dark brown hair. He was friendly. Next to him was Agent Debbie. She was in her late twenties. She was average height, in shape, and very professional. She wore a nice business pant suit. Her blond hair was long and pulled back into a tight pony tail. Then there was Agent Tony who was dressed like a farmer. He was the one who “worked” the farm at the moment. He was in his early thirties. He was from Kansas and had grown up on a farm. Helping him was Agent Betty who was playing his wife. She was dressed in overalls. The did all the outside work.

Clearly, none of them knew how to really cook though. Government training at its best. I had Agent Betty get my mom while I plated the tenderloin, asparagus, scalloped potatoes. I had apple pie for dessert. This was my comfort food.

“My gosh!” Agent Debbie was thrilled. “This is the best stake out food we have ever eaten.” My Mom looked proudly at me and beamed.

“Thank you, ma’am. I notice Agent Bill back home likes to talk to us during dinner. I am amused that he never comes after dinner and always seems to time his coming so we have to include him in our dinner.” I giggled.

“Well, the man is not an idiot. This is really good.” Agent Tony said. “I don’t know how you know how to cook this wonderful food.”

“My Mom went to culinary school before she decided to become a teacher. I learned from the best.” I leaned over and hugged my Mom.

“Wait until tomorrow morning.” Said my Mom. “You may never want her to leave. If you have never had pain perdu casserole, you have never lived. Pain perdu means lost bread in French. The French don’t even let stale bread go to waste in their kitchens. In English, we call it French toast.”

“Is that why she broke apart the stale loaves of bread for and put them in the refrigerator covered with some milky substance?”

“Yes.” My Mom said proudly.

After dinner, we cleaned up the dishes and headed to bed. We brushed our teeth. I put on my silk pajamas while she brushed hers and Mom put on hers while I brushed mine. She and I talked before going to sleep.

“How do you like being a girl, honey?”

“I like being a girl when I am with you. I like being a girl when I am with friends.”

“Do you miss being Sam?”

“Not really, Mom, because I am still Sam. Don’t let the clothes fool you. I am same person who did laundry with you, cleaned house with you, and cooked with you before this adventure began. If you look for Sam any other way, you will just get frustrated and sad when Sam is right in front of you.”

“Are you going to miss being Samantha when this is all over?”

“Yes. I going to miss how she is treated. She doesn’t get called names. She is admired. That will be the hard part to saying goodbye to her.” I teared up.

“Well, if you what you say about Sam is true, it will be true of Samantha too. I think that is what Dr. Cramer was saying to me is that we shouldn’t worry if you explore life as a girl. Because in finding out who Samantha is, you will be finding out who Sam is too.”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you Mom.”

“I love you Samantha Jackie Miller.”

“I love you too Mommy. Sam says he loves you too.” I slept like a rock embracing who I was.

In the morning, I got up early. I set up the coffee pot to turn on in forty mins and preheated the oven. I put the pain perdu in the oven and set the table. I put out the maple syrup. At this altitude, the pain perdu would be ready in fifty minutes. I set the timer on the oven. The smell of coffee plus cinnamon and brown sugar would soon permeate the house. It was 6:30 and the sun would soon be coming up. I could see the sky changing and turning blue.

I walked to the window to look at the dawn and I saw that Agent Debbie was already up. I hesitated for a moment. I could see in the growing light that she had been crying. Something told me she needed a friend. I quietly opened the door to the porch. She was still lost in thought as I softly closed the door. She heard the click and startled. She started to wipe away her tears embarrassed to be found out by someone so young.

“I’m sorry ma’am. I saw you crying and thought you could use a little company. Is it okay if I join you?”

“I shouldn’t bother someone so young with my problems.”

I sat down on the bench next to her. I looked up at her eyes filled with tears and began to tear up myself.

“I watched my best friend die of cancer two months ago yesterday. She was six years old and seven days’ shy of seven. I held her hand when she died. Her birthday celebration was her funeral. I cut off half of my hair so she could have a wig. She was buried in it and the dress I made her to celebrate what little life she had left.” I began to sob. “And I miss her terribly.”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. But this isn’t …”

“I’ve told you my sorrow. I think it isn’t good for you not to tell me yours. It doesn’t matter how old you are. What matters is that you have someone to share your pain with or else It will consume you. Please share yours with me.”

She just stared at me for a moment. “Are you sure?” she stammered.

“Yes. I have learned that girls share their feelings. That is what makes them better than boys. So, please share your feelings.”

She looked at me for a moment. “But you’re a boy.”

“I am a girl if you need to me to be, and it looks like you need me to be girl. So, please share with me your sorrow.”

She was stumped either by my logic or my converted by my sincerity, but she began to unfold the source of her pain.

“I got message last night to call home. My Dad is in the hospital. He had a heart attack. I guess they caught it in time and he should be get better. But, I have just been sitting here thinking of what to say to him when I call again. I haven’t spoken to him much lately. I have been too busy with this job. I’ve let it consume me. You are too young to know. I am too almost. But my Dad used to love this song when I was growing up called ‘Cat’s in the Cradle.’ It is about a boy who grows up to be like his father. The Dad was always too busy to be part of his son’s life. Well, the son grows up and finds himself to be too busy to be in his Dad’s life. I was crying because of how much I miss my Dad and don’t want to waste my time becoming the best field agent possible and forgetting to be a good daughter too. I remember that I was too busy with cheerleading even to let him take me to the father daughter dance. I exchanged fun with my friends for spending time with my Dad. That was wrong. I was crying because I don’t want to waste this second chance.”

“I wonder if my Dad ever went to a father daughter dance with my sister Jane?”

“Is she your only sister?”

“Yeah.”

“If she hasn’t, you ought to go with him for her sake.”

“Even if I am a boy?”

She winked at me, “But you make a wonderful girl. And maybe he needs a girl to help him forget his pain. Thanks for letting me talk to someone. You were right. It is nice to share feelings. I know what I need to say to him now thanks to you.”

We both sat there watching the sun get ready to rise. The dawn was giving way to broad daylight.

“What was your friend’s name?”

“Cybil.”

“That is a pretty name.”

“She was a pretty girl.”

“It is a pretty sunrise too.”

“Yes. Yes, it is. And I get a second chance with my Dad.”

“And I get a first chance.”

We sat there for a bit. She looked back at me and smiled.

I left her and went back inside to check on breakfast. I started cooking bacon and scrambled eggs.

The rest of the agents woke up and scurried to come down. Mom followed suit.

“I have died and gone to heaven. What is that magnificent smell?” said Agent Harvey.

The breakfast table was nothing but complements. “Thank you Samantha. I was getting tired of bear claws and donuts. And if I ever see another McDonald’s breakfast on a stake out, I may go postal. This was unbelievable. It is the kind of breakfast my Dad would love.” Agent Debbie was exuberant in her praise after coming in from the porch.

About ten, a boatload of agents showed up with a surprise guest. Robert, who was attending CSU, was among them. Mom had arranged for him to be there to see how I helping law enforcement. She didn’t want another incident like the one where he nearly outed me.

“Hi Mom!” They hugged. Robert turned to me and said, “Hey Sam. Thank you for helping Harry and Vicki.” This was a rare Robert apology. “I hear I am supposed to say Samantha now to protect your cover. Sorry.”

We embraced each other and went inside the house. Robert was doing well in his classes. He was looking forward to going out for football next year.

Lunch was just sandwiches brought in by the full contingent of agents. Agent Harvey commented that next time, I should make lunch too. We went through the routines I needed to do and rehearsed what was to be done.

About three, the sting went down. The scene played out just like it had back home. It was just a different barn this time. Mom, Robert, and I sat in a cubby hole while the agents did their work. Soon the all clear was sounded.

“Hey Samantha, that was pretty brave what you did out there. I am glad I came down. You are a brave little, ahem, sister. I love you.” Robert winked at me and then hugged me and Mom. We told him we loved him too. Then he left with an agent to take him back to his car and he headed back to Ft. Collins.

We prepared to leave ourselves.

“Agent Betty. There is a chicken casserole dish in the fridge with instructions. You enjoy yourselves. It was a pleasure working with you. And thank you for taking good care of my daughter and me.” Mom hugged her and they waved goodbye as we were taken to the airport at Colorado Springs to take our charter jet flight back home. At the airport, Agent Debbie said, “Samantha, you are a beautiful young lady and a gentleman. I don’t know which to call you, but I know that working with you has been a pleasure. And thank you for listening to my feelings.”

I hugged her and said, “Your welcome. I look forward to working with you again Agent Debbie. You were very kind to us. Oh, and, no, I don’t mind being called just a young lady.”

On the flight back to home, I interrogated my mother. “Did Dad ever do a father daughter dance with Jane?”

“I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

I told her about Agent Debbie. “She said that maybe I should go to one with him for Jane’s sake.”

Mom thought a moment and looked out the airplane window. “I wish I could do one with Sam.”

“Maybe you could do it with Doug as a stand in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. You know Doug is family. I don’t think his mother has the time. That is why he spends so much time with us.”

Mom smiled. “Yes, I guess he is. Maybe I should ask him.”

Bill picked us up at the airport and got ready to drive us home. “You haven’t had dinner yet, have you? I made arrangements with Paul to meet us at a Bennigan’s at the mall. Is that okay?”

“I am famished. So, yes, Bill. That is awesome.” Mom said.

When we got there, there was my Dad, Jane, and Doug. Chris and his wife, Charlotte. In addition, there were Chris’ children, Sarah, aged six, and Teddy, aged nine.

“Jane, did you get a chance to do a father-daughter dance with Dad?”

“No, I don’t think I ever got a chance. I don’t remember there ever being a father-daughter dance.”

“Do you think I should?” I said.

Dad looked over at me a little puzzled. Mom nudged him. “Why not, Paul?”

He started to respond, “Because obviously ...”

Mom interrupted with, “You don’t get many second chances. And Samantha is learning to dance. And I think if you are going to set her up to be your daughter, you should at least take care of her as your daughter too.”

“But, Dear.” Dad was cornered.

“Don’t but dear me, you know I am right.” Mom went in for the kill.

Mom had spoken. Dad was overruled. Doug brought up that there was a December dance coming up for Father-Daughter and Mother-son Holliday dance on my school calendar. Mom asked him if he would stand in for Sam. “Yes, I would love to.” Doug beamed from ear to ear. Our dance cards were filled out.

I spent time playing dolls with Sarah. She and I really got along. “We need a babysitter on occasion. Would you be able to take care of our children so we can have a date night Samantha?” Charlotte asked.

“I would love to Mrs. Leitner. I am sure Mr. Leitner knows how to get in touch with me.”

Dad smiled and shrugged his shoulders looking at Chris for an answer. “Well, you know Paul, you know that I am supposed to know where she is at all times according to her guardian ad litem. We do need a babysitter. And Samantha is good. She is very good at what she does.”

“Yes, yes she is.” My Dad looked at me with such affection I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t know it then, but more and more of what Dr. Cramer said was coming to pass. My Dad saw me once again as Samantha. Sam was slowly becoming a faint memory. I went back to playing with Sarah. We changed her baby and pretended to put her to bed while we ate our dinner. “If you babysit me Samantha, will you show me how to do makeup?”

“Yes Sarah, I would love to. I’ve had some experience helping six-year-old girls with their makeup.” I winked at Sarah who smiled in response.

“Can we play dress up too?” She was so happy I said yes.

Jane spoke up first. “You bet. I found a box up in the attic with lots of my old clothes which I thought for sure had been given away years ago. I bet we could try on all sorts of clothes together. I would love to be able to do that with my sister too. It is something we never have done, have we Samantha?”

I looked at Jane. She was falling in love with Samantha too. “Sure Sis. I would love that too. Especially if I can try on some of your cool clothes too?”

Jane hugged me. “You betcha!”

The night ended and it was agreed that I would babysit Teddy and Sarah at our house. Sarah was looking forward to helping Jane and I with the triplets.

Our house was going to be alive with people. Doug and Mary. Jane and me. The triplets. The Leitner’s kids.

All because of my desire to take a journey to become what I was meant to be.

Copyright © 2017 by AuP reviner

[Authors note: The concept of a guardian ad litem exists in the law. They are appointed represent a minor in certain cases where there is no adult that can represent them or en lieu of an adult who can. It has a broader usage here than a medical power of attorney. I have used the legal concept here as a literary device and a clever way to get around some interesting legal issues that come up at the end of the story. Of which, I will only say ... Mystère et boule de gomme – AuP]