Not long after the two kids went to bed the parents were in their bedroom talking about Olivia.
“Olivia took that as well as she could have so that’s a good sign I think.”
“I still don’t believe that we found her this way.”
“I never expected to find her in that manner either hon.”
“So you guys are going shopping tomorrow right?”
“Yes we are. I hope that Olivia will take to this ok. I’m afraid of what is going to occur tomorrow.”
“No matter what happens tomorrow hon she’ll still be our little girl.”
Both parents proceed to turn their lights off and fall asleep.
At 6:30 am Sophia wakes up but Olivia is still asleep. Not wanting to disturb the sleeping Olivia she carefully gets out from the covers and goes into the bathroom to do her business.
Upon returning to her room Sophia starts to get dressed.
Olivia wakes up upon hearing Sophia getting dressed.
Olivia scared Sophia when she said that and Sophia turns around and says “Morning Olivia, you scared me there.”
“Sorry.” Olivia looks down and frowns.
Sophia sees this and says “Cheer up Olivia, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You saying what you did reminded me of my daddy.”
“I don’t know what to say right now. Are you excited for our shopping trip today Olivia.”
“I’m having mixed feelings about that right now Sophia.”
“Do you want to get dressed now Olivia?”
Olivia just nods and stands up and Sophia goes through her dresser picking out clothes for the both of them.
When she finished Olivia was awestruck at what Sophia had picked out.
Sophia sees Olivia’s face and asks “You ok Olivia?”
Olivia snaps out of her trance and says “Sorry I was just admiring what you picked out.”
“Shall we get dressed Sophia?”
“Let’s do it Olivia.
By the time we were dressed I looked at myself in the mirror and was beaming with joy at how I looked.
“You look very cute Olivia.”
“You look cute too Sophia.”
“When mommy gets up we can get her to do our hair.”
“I’d really like that Sophia.”
After that we proceeded to play with dolls.
“This is a bit Awkward isn’t it?”
“This is your first time huh?”
“I guess so.”
“Just watch me for a bit until you feel ready ok?”
I nod and sit there watching her play with the dolls for a few minutes before picking one up and looking at it.
“You have very pretty dolls Sophia.”
“Thank you, I hope you get into these too.”
“We’ll see Sophia, I’m not sure if I’m a doll girl yet.”
“I understand. Not all girls are into dolls.”
In her room mom can faintly hear the two kids talking and decides to start getting up so they can go shopping.
She takes a shower then goes into Sophia’s room and says “Good morning you two.”
Sophia says “Good morning mommy.”
I just wave at her not really feeling it at this point.
My aunt kneels down and whispers “You don’t have to be afraid of me Olivia. I won’t hurt you.”
“I see you both are dressed, would you like me to do your hair for you?”
I sit there motionless not knowing what to say but Sophia comes to my rescue and says “Can I have pigtails mommy?”
“You sure can sweetheart. What about you Olivia?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ve never really done anything with my hair other than brushing it out.”
“Would you like to see me do Sophia’s hair first then you can decide if you like it?”
I nod and my aunt leads us both into the bathroom where she gets out some hair ties and some ribbon.
I watch as my aunt puts Sophia’s hair up in pigtails and tied some ribbon onto her hair.
I look at Sophia after the fact and see how cute she looks and I guess it showed on my face because Sophia ends up saying “You like it Olivia, I can tell by how you’re looking at me now.”
“You got me.”
Both my aunt and Sophia laugh and that upset me so I just walked out and back into Sophia’s room and cried.
Not long after both my aunt and Sophia are by my side trying to console me but I wasn’t having it. I cried for so long that I fell asleep in the process.
I slept for a few minutes before I was picked up and brought into the bathroom.
“We’re sorry we laughed Olivia, I didn’t expect you to react that way.”
“I surprised myself by doing that.” I mumbled
“Are you okay with me doing your hair like I did Sophia’s?”
I nod and my aunt starts fussing with my hair and when she’s done she picks me up and brings me over to a mirror.
I froze when I saw myself.
“Is that really me?”
“That really is you sweetheart.”
I turn around and give my aunt a hug.
“I’m sorry for earlier.”
“No need to be sorry sweetheart.”
“What now though?”
“Breakfast is next and I had planned on going out for food with some parents of Sophia’s friends.”
“That’s ok with me but i’m not talking to anyone but you.”
“Olivia, it might do you some good to talk with kids you know.”
“Kids have always been mean to me though.”
“Olivia, I wouldn’t have said that if I didn’t know that her friends weren’t nice.”
“I’ll try but i’m not making any promises.”
“Auntie, Sophia is the outgoing one but I’m not that way, I’m the shy one and I don’t think that’ll ever change.”
“That’s fine sweetie, some kids are just shy in general.”
After that we grab Sophia from her room and head outside to get in the car.
Once my aunt opened the door I froze. There were 2 carseats in there.
I snap out of it shortly thereafter and get in one of the two carseats.
Auntie buckles us both in and gets in the driver's seat and we head on our way.
Along the way to our destination I look at my surroundings and notice how everything seems so big compared to where I used to live.
I look over at Sophia who had fallen asleep at this point and I figure I might as well do the same so I rest my weary head on the side of the carseat and fall asleep.
When I was awoken by my aunt unbuckling my seat I noticed the flock of girls standing by the front door to the restaurant including Sophia and as my Aunt let me down from the car I felt out of place. I stuck near my aunt for the most part and didn’t hear anything until one of the parents said “Who is this little one with you today Kelly?”
I knew she was talking about me but I didn’t say anything.
My aunt says “This is my niece Olivia, she’s a bit shy so she might not talk with the rest of the girls.”
“Is this the one you guys got custody for?”
“Yes it is but don’t say anything to the girls I don’t want anything to happen.”
I walk next to my aunt trying to go unnoticed by the flock of girls and I did for the most part and we got to our table where we got our drinks and looked at the menu.
I just ordered Eggs and Bacon with Hash browns.
While we waited for our food I listen in on the girls conversation.
Sophia says to her friends
“Don’t expect her to open up right away, she’s very shy.”
Her friend Haley says “Would she be open to going to dance class tonight?”
“You’d have to ask her Haley, I really don’t think she’d want to do it so soon after coming here though.”
Her other friend Kinzie says “I hope you can convince her to come to the sleepover Sophia, I’d really like to get to know her.”
“I’ve barely gotten to know her myself Kinzie, I don’t want to pressure her into something so soon. I just got her to talk with me at home last night.”
As I’m sitting there listening to their conversation, I wonder if I’d actually be able to do such things if they actually knew my full story.
Before I can answer that question the food arrives.
The table is silent while everyone is eating but it gives me time to think.
Sophia looks over at Olivia and sees her in deep thought.
“What is she thinking about?” Sophia ponders
My mind is in shambles but I try my best not to show it. I keep thinking about what my future entails and it makes me wish I had been normal from the start.
Do I have the surgery and be able to grow up normal? Or do I forever live in this body and never get any taller?
Then there’s the point of me being intersexed. Am I actually a girl? Or am I really a boy that just feels like one? Do I actually want to be a girl?
To be honest it makes sense for me to have the surgery to make me grow. But do I really want to relearn everything? I’d also be going to normal school for the first time. Would I be able to handle it?
So much is going through my head right now. I know Sophia talked me into trying to be a girl, but is this what I really am?
I look the part as a girl, but should I even like this? I feel better as a girl than I ever did before. Maybe Sophia was right. I did have a butterfly hiding inside me.
Most of Sophia’s friends had finished eating by this point and had started whispering to each other.
I finished my food then just sat there not knowing what to do. I saw Sophia and her friends whispering to one another and just wondered how it would feel to be apart of their group.
Growing up originally, one of my favorite things to watch people do was Ballet.
The way they moved about and all the pretty things they wore made me picture myself as one of them.
I knew I could never do it though. I have problems just talking to people face to face. Dancing in front of a crowd was never in the realm of possibility for me. Just being in a booth with all these girls is scaring me. Dancing with them would make my anxiety go sky high.
My parents took me to doctor’s over the years to see if I had any signs of an anxiety disorder and every single one of them said I didn’t.
Going back to school after the surgery is scaring me the most however. Just picturing myself in a group of five and six year olds is making me cringe a bit. It’ll all make sense eventually I guess but, why couldn’t I just be normal to begin with?
Going back to the doctor’s though, all of them did agree that I had the emotions of a five to six year old.
To be fair though Sophia’s friends seem nice and they aren’t teasing me like every other kid has done over the years.
Sophia scoots over next to me and whispers “Are you ok Olivia?”
I look at her with a bit of fear in my eyes and whisper “I really don’t know.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m just unsure of myself being around your group of friends. It seems odd to me.”
“Kinzie really wants to get to know you Olivia, she’s just like you.”
“I wouldn’t have said so if I wasn’t.”
I’m looking at Kinzie not knowing what to think.
Kinzie sees me looking at her and says to me “You’re not alone Olivia. I’d really like to get to know you.”
“I really don’t know how I feel about this…..”
Kinzie scoots over next to Sophia and I and puts her hand in mine.
“Olivia, everything will be ok. You just have to let it all go.”
“She’s right Olivia, you need to let it go.”
I take a deep breath and look into Kinzie’s eyes with tears starting to flow.
Both Sophia and Kinzie have an arm around me showing me that they really do care.
“I really don’t know what to say right now.”
“Olivia, I know what you’re going through. I have my problems too. We all want to help you.”
The tears are still flowing but now rather then them being sad they’re tears of joy.
“Nobody ever cared about me previously.”
“We can tell Olivia. You have people who love you now. You have friends now.”
Haley is watching this all going on and doesn’t know what to say.
Kinzie looks over to Haley and motions for her to come over by the rest of them.
Haley whispers to Kinzie “Is she ok?”
“She’s just having a bad day Haley.”
The parents are watching this all occur and are happy that Olivia is taking this so well.
The Waiter brings the bill and the adults split the bill before getting the kids ready to leave.
As they’re leaving Haley wraps her arm around Olivia and says “It’s going to be ok, just think happy.”
After that Olivia and Sophia get put into their carseats and head off to go shopping.”
Once they get to the store Sophia says “Are you ready Olivia?”
I look at her and nod before my aunt unbuckles us both.
My aunt grabs our hands and takes us into the store.
“Stay by me you two ok?”
Sophia and I both nod and we head over to the girls section.
Upon getting there I see something I’ve dreamt of wearing but could never justify asking for it.
I feel it with my hand and my aunt comes up behind me and says “Do you want to try it on Olivia?”
She scared me a bit and I didn’t know what to do at that point.
“Take some deep breaths Olivia calm down.”
Sophia comes over and hugs me not saying a word.
I calm down and say “I can’t get something I wouldn’t wear Auntie.”
“Would you at least try it on for me sweetheart?”
I nod and she picks the outfit up off the rack and takes me and Sophia over to a changing room so I can try the outfit on.
My aunt helps me change into the outfit and then has me look at myself in the mirror.
I see myself in the set and am astonished at how I actually look.
Sophia takes one look at me and says “Olivia, that is so cute.”
I blush and Sophia giggles.
My aunt then says “I think that outfit is a keeper.”
Once I get changed back into the clothes I was wearing before we go looking for dresses.
As we’re looking at dresses I see one that really catches my eye. It is Purple with the Disney Princesses on it. I pick it up off the rack and put it up against me and immediately fall in love with it. The fuzzy inside has me in love.
My aunt sees me with the dress and says “If you want it put it in the cart.”
I didn’t have to be asked twice and put it in the cart.
We go to pick up new Panties and tights and other stuff like that.
I end up picking out Disney Princess Panties and I also picked out a pack of Barbie ones at Sophia’s request.
I picked out several tights and even got some undershirts.
After we finished in that area Sophia and I were taken to get new shoes. We were sized and I ended up with a pair of Purple Light up shoes with Disney Princesses on them. I found out that Sophia picked out nearly the same shoes although hers are Pink.
We then get taken over to checkout and I couldn’t be happier at this point.
Sophia sees my happiness and says “I told you it would get better.”
Once we’re checked out we go out to the car and we’re buckled into our car seats and head home.
Once home we bring in the bags and my aunt sits me down in the den and snuggles with me.
“You’re coming out of your shell sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
“Happier than I’ve ever been. After Sophia’s friends got me through that first wave I couldn’t be any better.”
“Those girls will be good friends for you Olivia.”
“Olivia, is there anything you want to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sophia does Ballet with her friends and her friend Haley even does Gymnastics. Would you want to do anything like that?”
“Wouldn’t that be strange with my real age?”
“Look at it this way, it gives you something to keep your mind off of what you have to eventually go through.”
“I guess that makes sense. There is one thing that is keeping me from doing stuff like that.”
“Olivia, do you have stage fright?”
“Yes” I burst into tears after that.
My aunt pulls me into her lap and puts my head over her shoulder and rubs my back while i’m crying to soothe me.
With my aunt rubbing my back I calm down easily.
“It’s ok Olivia, you’re not the only one who is like that. Sophia is the same way but she’s getting better.”
“I really want to do Ballet but I’m scared of what will happen come the recital.”
My aunt sets me next to her and says “Olivia, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Sophia’s dance teacher deals with kids just like you all the time. She’ll even be on the stage with you guys doing the dance.”
“That eases my nerves a little.”
“If you want to do Ballet with Sophia you’re welcome to, I’ll sign you up tonight when she goes to class.”
“Think about it today sweetheart. Go play with Sophia for a while so I can do my stuff now.”
I head up to Sophia’s room and see her looking a bit out of it.
She doesn’t respond so I go up to her and put my arm around her. Not long after she’s bawling into my shoulder and I just sit there rubbing her back trying to calm her down.
“What’s wrong Sophia?”
“Deep breaths Sophia, it’s ok.”
Sophia calms down and says “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, I’m not upset.”
“It’s ok to cry Sophia.”
I end up getting her to play with her dolls and I end up joining her.
We play for at least two hours before we decide to take a little catnap and we are soon asleep.
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