".... How is everything else?" She asked. "What do you mean?" I asked "You know, the clothes and stuff," she said referring to the female outfit she had persuaded me to wear. "It's totally weird, I hope I don't get found out" I responded   A Mother's Love - Part 6 by Alys

The green sign on the side of the road came into view

NEXT SERVICES
10 MILES
CORLEY SERVICES
WELCOME BREAK

I turned up the air conditioning so that a stronger blast of cool air hit my face. The monotony of motorway driving coupled with weeks of broken sleep was making me feel a little bit drowsy. My phone rang. I touched the ear piece, of my hands free phone kit, to receive the call.

"Hello"

"Hi Steve, it's Jules, where are you?"

"Just got onto the M6, done about......just over a hundred miles so far, about half way there." I responded.

"Heard anything from Mary?" Jules asked.

"No, there's no response from my text messages or phone messages" I replied.

"Oh, OK, well I hope she is OK. How is everything else?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"You know, the clothes and stuff," she said referring to the female outfit she had persuaded me to wear.

"It's totally weird, I hope I don't get found out" I responded.

"You'll be fine, it worked great in the pub yesterday," Jules reassured.

"Yes but you were there with me so I didn't have to say much, sorry Jules got to go now I've just turned off for the services to feed Bekka"

"OK, good luck, bye"

"Bye" I responded and then pressed the ear piece to disconnect

I pulled into the service station car park. It was busy, which was not surprising since the weather was clear and warm, unusually warm for early April, the weekend before Easter and plenty of families seemed keen to start their holidays early.

I unstrapped Bekka's car seat, she opened her eyes at the movement, her gaze wandered for a second and then she noticed me. I smiled back at my little one.

"Soon be lunch time sweetie," I whispered to her.

I picked up her seat and her bag and, after locking the car doors, I walked towards the main concourse of the restaurants and other facilities. I was very aware of the unfamiliar swish of my skirt and the breeze rippling my loose blouse, as I made my way towards the hundreds of people in the centre. Every step I took, even while I was trying to look confident, I was expecting to be exposed as the fraud that I felt I was.

I followed a group through the automatic doors and stood looking around to find the facilities that I needed. Standing there it all felt so overwhelming that I wanted so much to escape back to the car and somewhere to hide. Bekka's whimper reminded me that I had no choice but to carry on.

I had been over a minute standing in the concourse, feeling bewildered and unable to decipher the directions to the various parts of the service station when I heard a cough behind me.

I turned in the direction of the sound.

"Excuse me Miss, but are you OK?" asked the elderly service station security guard.

"Um, no," I replied, trying to pitch my voice correctly," I'm looking for the nursing room"

My main reason for stopping at these services were the provision of a special room for breast feeding.

"It's over there," the security guard responded pointing at a small door situated between two shop units.

"Thank you very much," I said to the guard before making my way over to my haven.

I paused for half a second to read the sign on the door.

Nursing Room
WOMEN ONLY!

Another whimper from Bekka removed any last minute hesitation and I opened the door.

I made my way over to one of the two changing mats and quickly changed Bekka's nappies, I then sat down on one of the four comfortable leather armchairs and put her to my breast.

As she suckled hungrily I looked around the room. It was quite a bright room with natural lighting from the skylight, complementing the subdued artificial lights. Apart from the four armchairs and the changing table there was also a TV, which was showing one of the many soap operas I didn't watch on TV. The best thing about the room was that there was no-one there at that moment. I hoped that I could get away without having to meet anyone.

I took my phone out of my bag. There were no messages from Mary. I sent her another.

Am on way to Man, be there 3 hrs

I pressed send and put my phone away.

"I'm sure she'll want to see you, Bekka," I whispered quietly as I stroked the wisps of hair on her head.

My peace was shattered as the door opened and a thirtyish woman with a baby in her arm and a small girl in her hand walked into the room.

"I want to pee pee Mummy," said the girl.

"It's OK Jenny, I'll find you a loo, after I've changed Julian," replied the harassed mother.

At that moment baby Julian decided that he needed more, immediate attention and began a series of ear splitting, mind numbing screams.

"Want to pee pee Mummy," said little Jenny, making her contribution to send her Mum's stress levels past Superwoman limits.

"OK, JENNY, ONE MINUTE," she said firmly while trying to wrestle with baby Julian, who had now added another of his talents to his vocal performance, the complete body wriggle.

"Need to pee pee NOW!"

Jenny's mother looked at her daughter with total exasperation, as she entered the second round of her WWF match with baby Julian.

"Excuse me, there's a toilet on your left that your little girl could use," I said, trying to help restore sanity to the atmosphere.

The Mother turned to me and smiled her gratitude.

"Jenny, the toilet is over there," she said to her desperate daughter.

She finished changing her child and then sat down in the armchair next to mine. Soon peace and tranquility was transformed as baby Julian's attention was taken by filling his belly from his Mum's breast.

"Your baby is lovely dear is it a boy or a girl?" asked my companion in the room after a few minutes.

"It's a girl" I responded as briefly as possible, hoping that there would be no more conversation.

Jenny returned from the loo and wanted some refreshments from her Mum who quickly palmed her off with a banana and some apple juice and directed her towards the play area in the corner of the room. LittleJenny busied herself with the dolls house.

"I'm Vivian, everyone calls me Viv though," stated my companion after a few more minutes.

"I'm Stev.............Stevie," I responded, correcting myself just in time.

"Stevie?" Vivian inquired," that's an unusual name"

"Yes it's short for.......Stephanie," I responded after desperately trying to think of something appropriate.

"Is it your first?" Vivian asked.

"Yes, what about you?" I asked," do you have more than two?"

"Oh no," Vivian replied, laughing, "as you can see these two are more than enough"

"Are you planning to have any more?" she asked. I was beginning to feel that I was being cross examined.

"Don't really know, I guess it depends" I responded while thinking that if Mary and myself did possibly have more children I would have to carry on breast feeding for years maybe.

Vivian seemed to home in on my uncertainty.

"Is your husband, or boyfriend with you today?" she probed.

"Umm, no" I responded after a pause.

"Oh, I'm sorry to be nosey"

"It's OK, that's why I'm going North, we had a bit of a break up" I responded, hoping that Bekka would have had enough nourishment soon.

As in answer to my thoughts Bekka released my nipple, full for the moment. I quickly rearranged my clothes and grabbed my stuff.

"Bye dear, " said Vivian, " good luck"

"Thanks," I responded, " bye"

Outside the room I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I made slower progress than I had hoped, for the rest of the journey North and it was almost an hour later than I had planned when I turned off the M60 onto the A34 towards Didsbury in Manchester. I had planned to stop at the nearby Travelodge, where I had booked a room, to change clothes. However with only a few minutes before the time I had said I would arrive and needing soon to feed Bekka I made straight for my Mother-in-law's house.

I pulled up in a space a little way away from their three bed-roomed semi and made my way towards what I hoped was not going to be embarrassment.

I knocked the door and waited in trepidation.

Andrea James, Mary's mother, was a well dressed, plumpish woman in her late fifties. She stood in the door, looking at me without showing any signs of recognition.

"Hello, can I help you?" she asked in a condescending tone clearly mistaking me for someone who wanted something off her.

"Hi Andrea, is Mary here?" I asked.

"Why do you want, who are you? Steve? Is it you?"

"Yes, and your grandchild. Can I come in, she'll need a feed soon."

"Of course, but what's with looking like a woman?"

I sat down in her kitchen while she made me a cup of coffee. I gave her a brief resume of the day's events. She laughed at my description of the nursing room

"You have had an adventure today, yes I can see why you are dressed as you are. But why didn't you phone me to say you were coming?"

"I phoned Mary and sent her text messages, but she didn't reply," I replied.

"Oh I see"

"Is she here? Can I see her?" I asked.

"Here?" said Andrea looking at me in some surprise.

"She is staying here isn't she?"

Tears started welling up in Mary's mother's eyes.

"You don't know, do you?" she asked quietly.

"Know what?" I replied feeling a strong sense of foreboding.

"She's in hospital, her HIV has become resistant to her drug regime, she's got full blown AIDS!" Andrea stated.