By Missy Crystal
All Dolled Up - Part VIII

Jamie wants his mother to buy him a doll for a birthday present. She does and a journey of discovery begins for both of them.

The phone rang four times. I was just about to hang up when a woman's voice answered.

"Hello."

"Helen?"

"Yes."

"This is Virginia, Ginny McCarthy. I'm Jamie's mother. We met last week in the park. I hope I'm not calling at a bad time."

"Ginny, no, not at all. Your timing is perfect. We just walked in the door. I took Merry to get her hair cut."

"Oh, that is a coincidence. Jamie got her hair cut on Monday. Listen, Helen, I'm taking Jamie to a puppet show this afternoon, Jack and the Beanstalk. It starts at two. I know it's short notice, but, if you don't have any plans, would you and Merry like to come?"

"Ginny, that is so sweet to think of us. Honestly, Merry's been pestering me to get together with Jamie, so I was hoping you'd call. We'd love to go. Wait a second while I get a pen and paper. Okay, go ahead. Where is the show?"

I gave her the address.

"It starts at two?"

"Yes."

"I'll meet you there. Do you think it will be crowded? Maybe whoever gets there first should buy the tickets. Oh, do you mind? I'll pay you back."

"It's okay, Helen, don't worry about it. I have your phone number. I'll just call you morning, noon and night until you pay up."

She laughed.

"See you at two."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone. That went well, I thought. I hadn't said anything to Jamie about inviting Merry to go with us to the puppet show. I wondered how she would react when I told her. There's only one way to find out, Ginny. I went up to her room.

"Jamie, Honey, listen. Do you remember Merry, that nice little girl you played with at the playground?"

"Uh huh."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes, Mommy?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Good. Well, she and her mother are going to go to the puppet show with us this afternoon. Won't that be fun?" I asked encouragingly.

Jamie nodded.

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"We need to leave in about a half hour, if we want to be sure to get tickets and good seats. Finish up playing. I'll call you when it's time to go. Make sure you use the bathroom before we leave, please."

I was getting the laundry started when I heard the doorbell. I wasn't expecting anyone. I went to the door. It was the mailman. He handed me some letters and a large manila envelope. It was too big to fit through the mail slot, he explained, and it said 'Photographs - Do Not Bend,' so he didn't want to fold it. I took the mail and thanked him. I had no idea who would be sending me photographs. Then I saw the return address was 'Priscilla's Pageant & Performance' and realized that she had kept her offer to give me a copy of her photos of Jamie. I took the mail into the kitchen, put the letters on the counter and used a knife to open the envelope. I carefully took out the photos. They were very professional eight by ten glossies. I didn't realize she took so many, three different poses, right, left and front and two close-ups of just Jamie's head and shoulders, full face and a profile. She looked like a real beauty queen. I wondered if I'd ever be able to show them to anyone. Would Jamie?

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was time to leave.

"Jamie, Honey, we have to go. Don't forget to use the bathroom," I reminded her. You never know what kind of facilities these places have and it would be a nuisance waiting to use it.

A few minutes later, Jamie came down carrying her doll.

"Are you taking her with you to the puppet show? Do you want to show her to Merry?" I asked expectantly.

For a moment, I thought that she was becoming more social about her doll, but from her surprised look, I concluded that she wasn't aware she had it with her. She put her down on the stairs, confirming that the doll was still a private companion. What did you call it, Ginny, a private companion? Was the doll just the equivalent of the imaginary friends children create? Have you been overly concerned that it's a girl? Do children have to create imaginary friends of the same gender? What about the clothes though? They're not imaginary. Jamie didn't need to put on a party dress to play with the doll. Why wouldn't he want to look like his friend? Did he know that boy's couldn't dress in girl's clothes? How would he know that? You told him, but he wasn't convinced. Was this all a big mistake? I looked at my watch. We'd be late if we didn't hurry.

"Jamie, let's go, Sweetie."

I took her hand and we went out to the car. I drove to the puppet theatre and found a parking space. It was about ten minutes to two. I looked around, but didn't see Helen or Merry. There were lots of children of all ages with the mothers in line to get tickets. We joined them.

"Ginny?"

I turned towards the voice.

"I got the tickets already."

I got out of line and went over. Merry was standing next to her.

"Hi."

She handed me two tickets.

"Let's go in and get seats."

I was still holding Jamie's hand in the crowd. Merry took her other hand as we waited. Helen and I both let go and the two girls ran ahead and sat down next to each other in the first row. Helen and I looked at each other, silently agreed that the girls were fine on their own, and found two seats farther back.

The theatre filled up quickly and at about five minutes past two the lights dimmed, the curtain opened and the show started. Obviously familiar with their young audience, the show was in three acts, each fifteen minutes long, with a ten minute intermission between them. When the show was over, everyone applauded, the puppeteers came out to take bows and the children and their mothers started to leave. Helen and I waited for Jamie and Merry and escorted them out.

"Did you have fun, Sweetie?" I asked Jamie.

He nodded.

"How about you Merry, did you enjoy the show."

"Yes, I liked it. It was very amusing."

'Amusing,' from a six year old pre-K? Where did that come from? I gave Helen a funny look. She smiled and shrugged.

"Helen, how about some ice cream?" I looked at my watch. "I don't think it will spoil their dinners. I'll treat."

Then I remembered I hadn't paid her for the tickets.

"Oh, Helen, that reminds me."

I opened my pocket book and took out my wallet. I handed her a ten dollar bill.

"You're paying for the ice cream in advance?"

"No, silly, for the tickets. You bought them for us."

"Oh, right."

She took the ten dollars and put it in her pocket book.

"Ginny, how about if the girls come back to our house for milk and cookies instead of ice cream. They can play for a little while. Would that be okay?"

I wasn't prepared for this. It was supposed to be a limited get together in a neutral environment. I suppose I could lie and say we were in a hurry, so just a quick stop for a scoop of ice cream and then we had to go. I'm sure that Helen would interpret that to be a rejection. I had already put her off once. Jamie hadn't played with another child since this whole thing began. He and Merry got along so nicely. He deserved a playmate and it's only for an hour or so.

"Ginny?"

"Oh, sorry, Helen. Okay, fine, for a little while anyway. I have to do some grocery shopping or we won't have any dinner, but it can wait. What's your address?"

"We live at 22 Maple Terrace, a few blocks from the park. It's a white colonial with black shutters at the end of the street. Do you know how to get there? You can follow me."

"Okay."

We got into our cars and drove off. I didn't know exactly where she lived, but her street was in one of the nicest areas of town. Sure enough, after about a fifteen minute drive, we turned onto a tree lined street and arrived at a large house with a circular driveway. Like the other houses in the neighborhood, it had a beautifully maintained lawn and landscaping. Helen pulled up in front and I parked behind her. She got out, opened the front door and waited for us. Merry ran over as Jamie was getting out, took her in tow and disappeared inside. Helen shook her head as she watched.

"It's so nice to see Merry with a friend, Ginny. You know, well, of course you don't, we moved here a few months ago. Have I told you this."

"You mentioned that you had just moved here and Merry hadn't made any friends yet when we were chatting in the park."

"Oh, well, Art, my husband Arthur, he was relocated by his company. It was a big promotion. We couldn't turn it down. The company found us this house. It's very nice, but, well, you can see the neighborhood is," she shrugged, "you know, older. I was hoping that once she started school she'd make some new friends, but I'm so happy we met you and Jamie. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Merry, but there's only, you know, so much you can do with a six year old.

I nodded.

"What about your husband?" I continued with our girl talk. "Jim, my husband, he used to spend time with Jamie."

"Really? That's so nice. Sometimes fathers and daughters don't have a lot in common."

Then she frowned.

"I'm sorry, Ginny," she comforted me, gently touching my hand. I forgot your husband passed away, didn't he."

"Yes."

"That must make it doubly hard for you, if he and Jamie were so close.

"Yes."

"Art is an accountant. He supervises bank audits and he's always traveling. He comes home on the weekends, but he's tired and wants to rest." She paused and then added, "He's a really good father, Ginny. He does it for us." She sighed. "It's just, well, sometimes I wish ...," she trailed off. "Oh my, I am such a bad hostess. Would you like a beverage and there's some coffee cake, and I told the girls that they could have milk and cookies."

Helen got up and started going through cabinets.

What kind of cookies does Jamie like? Merry is a chocolate chip-aholic. If I don't hide the bag, they're gone. Oh, I wish I'd baked cupcakes. That's one of the things Merry likes to do, cook with me. Does Jamie like to cook?"

"No, not really."

Helen put an assortment of cookies on a plate, filled two tall glasses with milk and set two places at the table. She got a box from the refrigerator and took out the remainder of a coffee cake. She sliced it into pieces and put them on a plate, which she brought to the table with the plate of cookies. She poured two glasses of iced tea from a carton.

"Oh, Ginny, I'm sorry. I didn't ask. Is iced tea okay? There's fruit juice and I can make coffee or, oh, I'm sure we have some soda in the bar."

"Iced tea is fine, Helen. Thank you."

"I'm sorry, Ginny, I guess I'm trying too hard. I, well, I haven't made any friends and, well, I was hoping, since our girls get on so well, maybe, well, you and I, we ... ."

"We can be friends." I finished her sentence. "Yes, I'd like that Helen."

"Really? I mean that's wonderful."

Yes, I thought to myself, wonderful. A friendship based on deception. Way to go Ginny.

Helen went to the hall and called upstairs.

"Merry, Jamie, girls, cookies and milk. Please come down."

A few minutes later there was the thumping of feet and the two girls appeared. Merry made for the table, plopped herself in the chair, grabbed a cookie off of the plate, dunked it in her milk and stuffed it in her mouth.

"Merry!" Helen scolded her. "Wait for Jamie and mind your manners."

Jamie got onto the chair next to Merry. He looked at me. I nodded. He picked up a cookie and took a little bite, then a sip of milk.

"See, Merry, Jamie doesn't gobble her food."

Merry looked at her mother, gave Jamie a big smile, grabbed another cookie, dunked it and ate it.

"Merry! That is enough, now behave."

Helen gave me an exasperated look. I smiled back sympathetically.

Merry waited for Jamie to finish her cookie. She jumped out of her chair and pulled on her arm.

"Let's go."

Jamie looked at me for permission. I looked at my watch.

"Helen, it's getting late. I think we should be going."

"Please, just five more minutes," Merry pleaded. "Please, please," she persisted..

"What are you girls doing?" I asked her.

"I'm teaching Jamie to play cat's cradle. She's really good. We're up to foursies. Do you want to see?"

She put her hand in the pocket of her shorts and took out a long multicolored loop of string, which she deftly wove between her fingers into a crisscross pattern.

"Okay, Jamie, your turn."

To my surprise, Jamie went over, intertwined her fingers with the string, twisted her hands around and produced another pattern. Merry, studied it for a second, then reached in, pinched some of the strands together and lifted it onto her own hands. Jamie looked at the new pattern."

"Come on, Jamie. You can do it," Merry encouraged her. "Remember, what I showed you. Here, take it."

She held the string out and Jamie reached in to duplicate the configuration. Once it was transferred, Merry reached in again and took it back in another multiple diamond pattern.

"Please, Mom, just five more minutes. She's almost got it. Please?"

Helen looked at me. I nodded my assent.

"Okay, five minutes. Then she has to go."

Merry grabbed Jamie's hand and they ran off.

"I hope I didn't inconvenience you," Helen said apologetically.

"No, not at all," I assured her. "The groceries can wait. It's more important that the girls are having fun together."

She broke into a big smile.

"Ginny, I have a great idea. Why don't you leave Jamie here and go do your shopping? She can have dinner and then you can come back and get her." Helen thought for a moment and then added excitedly, "better yet, Ginny, they can do a sleepover. That would be so much fun. Art will be home tomorrow, so this is our last free night this week. Would that be okay? I was going to make hot dogs on the grill. Jamie likes hot dogs, doesn't she? All kids do," she answered her question. "I have plenty. Jamie and Merry are about the same size, so she could borrow some pajamas," she went on with her sales pitch, and ended with the extra inducement, "I have an extra toothbrush too."

Obviously, Helen was well prepared for drop in guests. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, Helen, no, Jamie can't stay."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ginny. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I understand. Some other time."

I looked at Helen and shook my head. She gave me a curious look.

"No? Jamie doesn't like to sleep over other people's houses. I guess some children do get homesick. I could bring her home later."

"It's not that, Helen. Thank you, but we should go."

"Ginny, what's wrong. Did I say something to upset you? I'm sorry. Really. Please don't let whatever I did spoil the girls' friendship," Helen pleaded frantically, "or ours."

Wonderful, Ginny, you've hurt two innocent people. You can't let Helen blame herself. It's wrong and you know it. Whatever the consequences, you have to tell her the truth. That will put an end to it.

I sighed.

"Helen, Jamie's not a girl, she's a boy."

Helen paused for a minute and then started to laugh. I couldn't imagine why my revelation was so funny.

"Oh for goodness sake, Ginny," Helen said with relief, "is that all? Merry can be a tomboy too. I'm used to it."

"No, Helen, not a tomboy, a boy. Jamie's male, not female."

"What?" she gasped incredulously. "You mean she's got a ... ."

"Yes, Jamie's got an outie and not an innie," I answered her unfinished question.

"How," she searched for words, "how, how could you do that to him? Turn him into a girl. Why would you do it to him?"

"I didn't do it to him, Helen. This isn't punishment. This is something we're trying to work through with the help of a psychiatrist."

I had a flashback to the incident with Priscilla. Is this how it always goes when you come out to someone, having to defend yourself? Karen was certainly right about the timing being wrong.

"I really am sorry. It was thoughtless of me. I'm sorry. We really should be going. I've done enough damage."

I got up to leave.

"Ginny, stop!" Helen said assertively. "Sit back down"

I sat down.

"My mother always said, to have a friend you have to be a friend. You said we're friends. Are you taking that back?"

"No, Helen, of course not, but I should never have gotten you involved in this. What about Merry?

"What about Merry?"

"Aren't you afraid of how this will affect her?"

"Affect her? You mean like your son is contagious? I don't think Merry will turn into a boy. No more so than she already is, anyway. In fact, maybe she'll learn something from Jamie about being feminine," she contradicted me, making light of the situation. "Besides, right now they're girlfriends and they're having fun. There's no reason to disappoint Merry or embarrass Jamie. Ginny, please tell me what is going on?"

I thought about whether I wanted to confide in her. Was she truly concerned about someone she hardly knew or was she just a busybody? Was she sincere or just curious? Did her motive matter? She wasn't family, so she could be critical without worrying about hurting my feelings. She wasn't a therapist, so she would see things differently than Karen or Jenny. Would she be judgmental? Did I care what she thought of me? Yes, I liked her, but I would get over it. Jamie liked Merry, but he'd get over it too. Well, any port in a storm. Why couldn't Dad come up with good sayings like Helen's Mom?

I started telling Helen about Jamie picking out a doll for a birthday present and went through his wanting to dress like her, our shopping trips and Karen's advice to get counseling. I told her about Dr. Mitchell and our attempt to determine whether Jamie was transgendered. I could see from her expression that she wasn't familiar with the term, so I explained how it meant someone who wanted to be the opposite sex. Helen was skeptical.

"I can see why a girl might want to be a boy. There's a lot more tolerance for misbehavior. I remember when I was growing up, my brothers would get into all kinds of trouble and Mom's attitude was boys will be boys. There's a lot more freedom too. Boy's get to do things girls can't do. My brothers played football and hockey. I took piano and ballet lessons. I can even see why a woman might want to be a man. They have more social and occupational opportunities. But I don't understand the reverse. What's so special about being a woman? Long hair may be pretty, but it's a nuisance, our clothes and shoes are impractical and uncomfortable, we spend a small fortune on cosmetics and beauty products and it takes us hours to put ourselves together. Don't get me wrong, Ginny. I love being a woman, but that's who I am. I don't understand why someone would put themselves through all of that, if they didn't have to?"

"I don't think people want to be transgendered, Helen. They can't help themselves. I'm sure Dr. Mitchell could explain it better. She's a transsexual."

"You left out that little detail. Dr. Mitchell is a man?"

"She was. She had a sex change."

"I wasn't a whiz in biology class, but from what I remember, if you're born a male you remain a male, with or without the equipment. So the person who's encouraging you to let Jamie be a girl is a man who's living as a woman?"

"I don't think you'd say that if you met her. She's as female as any woman I know, maybe more so," I argued in her defense.

"Ginny, I'm sure Dr. Mitchell does a great job of impersonating a woman, but this isn't about her, it's about Jamie. Why don't you find someone who will help him to be the boy he is, rather than the girl he isn't." Helen paused and thought for a minute. "Has Jamie said he wants to be girl?"

"No, we tried to talk to him about it, but it upset him."

"By 'we,' you mean Dr. Mitchell."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Ginny. I'm a financial analyst and nobody has nominated me for a parenting award, so I'm not an authority on children's behavior by any means, particularly when it comes to raising a boy, but I think you're making a mistake listening to Dr. Mitchell. You should go home, take away the doll and get rid of the clothes. Jamie may be upset for a while, but sometimes tough love is necessary. That's my unprofessional advice."

Now I was conflicted. What Helen said made sense, but I trusted Karen and she trusted Jenny. Did they know what was best for Jamie? Did Helen? Did anybody? My thoughts were interrupted by Helen's voice.

"Ginny, you're so quiet. I hope you're not mad at me for speaking my mind."

"No, not at all, Helen. I'm supposed to call Dr. Mitchell tomorrow to update her. You've given me a lot to think about. I appreciate it."

"Well, whatever you decided, I'm here, if you need me."

I went over and gave her a hug. We held each other for a minute.

"See, Ginny," Helen commented as we released, "we women have something special when it comes to comforting each other."

You haven't hugged Dr. Mitchell, I thought to myself. She's a world class comforter. What else are you wrong about?

"You and Jamie are going to stay for dinner, aren't you? You didn't go grocery shopping, so you have nothing to eat at home. You can' admit to fibbing to me, so you're stuck," she teased. "I'm going out to start the grill. There are some packages of hotdogs in the freezer. Would you take them out? Take out a big pot too, the one with the handles on the sides. It's in the cabinet under the island. I like to parboil the hotdogs first. They taste better. Oh and grab a package of buns out of the freezer, please.

The kitchen connected to a back hallway that went out to a large patio set up for entertaining. There as a big grill on one side and a round glass table with four chairs and an umbrella for shade. Beyond the patio there was a large backyard with an elaborate wooden swing set and play structure. I assumed that she went to the park so that Merry would have someone to play with. When dinner was ready, she called the girls. A few minutes later they came running out, laughing and giggling. Helen gave me a perplexed look as their compatibility confounded her advice that Jamie was better off as a boy. I smiled and shrugged in response. Merry seated herself and Jamie sat down next to her. Helen served her and she immediately attacked her meal. She finished while Jamie was still eating and hopped up. Helen sternly directed her to sit back down until her guest was finished eating. She reluctantly complied. When Jamie finished, Helen offered them ice cream, but Merry was anxious to get back to whatever they were doing and tugged on Jamie's arm.

"Merry, please behave. Jamie, do you want ice cream?" Helen intervened.

"No thank you," Jamie responded politely, in deference to Merry's efforts to pry him away from the adults. He looked at me to be excused.

"Thank you for dinner, Helen, but I think we should be going. Jamie, say goodbye to Merry, Honey."

Merry pleaded for Jamie to stay for a little while longer. Unlike Merry, Jamie was not used to challenging my decisions. He hesitated, not wanting to disappoint his new friend, but not wanting to disobey me either.

"Please, Mrs. McCarthy. Can Jamie stay a little longer?" she advocated on his behalf.

Jamie was having a good time.

"Just for bit, while I help you mother clean up.," I compromised. "Then we have to go."

The girls ran off. I helped Helen bring the dishes and glasses inside. Everything was plastic picnic ware, so the dishes and glasses went right into the dishwasher, the condiments went in the 'fridge and the utensils were disposable. Once the kitchen was cleaned up, Helen asked me if I wanted anything else. I told her no, we really did need to get home. She called upstairs for Merry and Jamie to come down. We waited a few minutes and then Helen invited me to go upstairs to investigate. We went down a hallway and into Merry's room. It was beautifully decorated with a lilac carpet, coordinating window treatment, bedspread and pillow shams, white wood shelves with an assortment of dolls, toys and games, and matching white wood dresser, desk, nightstand and headboard. Looking around the room, there was a large dollhouse in one corner, but no girls. Helen and I looked at each other. She put her finger to her lips and we stood silently. After about a minute there was a rustling from the door which must have been the closet. Helen opened it. Hiding inside were Merry and Jamie. We pretended to be surprised. They burst into laughter at the joke they thought they played on us.

"We have to go now Jamie. Say goodbye to Merry and thank Mrs. Nelson for having you over and for dinner."

"Thank you, Mrs. Nelson."

"You're welcome, Jamie. I hope you come back soon."

"That was Merry's cue."

"Tomorrow? Please, can she, pretty please?"

"Maybe," I equivocated. Have your Mom call me and I'll see what we can arrange. Okay?"

Merry nodded enthusiastically.

We went downstairs and out to our car. Merry followed along. She gave Jamie a big hug and Jamie hugged her back. Their innocence was touching. It was going to be hard to explain to Jamie why he and Merry could not be friends. I could see that Helen was troubled too.

"Goodbye, Ginny. She held my arm. Please call me tomorrow. I, well, you know.

"I know, Helen. I will."

We got in the car and drove home. I thought about calling Karen, but I was sure she would give me the same advice she did the last time, talk to Jenny. Jenny was expecting me to call her tomorrow, so I might as well wait. It was Jamie's bedtime, so I got her ready. I debated whether to put her to bed as a girl or a boy. She hadn't worn the cute pajama set yet. I had already taken the tags off, so I couldn't return it. One more time couldn't make a difference. After Jamie was snuggled in bed with her doll next to her, I quietly left, looking back at what probably would be the last night I spent with Jamie as my daughter.

I went into my bedroom and got ready for bed. It was still early, so I went downstairs to watch TV. I didn't want a TV in our room when Jim was alive. We had better things to do when he was home. There was no reason I couldn't have one now. I tried to watch a current events program, but I was too distracted by rehearsing in my mind what I was going to say to Jenny tomorrow. I didn't come to any resolution and about ten o'clock I gave up. I got into bed and made sure the alarm was set for seven thirty. I tossed and turned, looking at the clock which crept along in ten minute increments, until I finally fell asleep around midnight.

The alarm went off. I woke up and got out of bed. The rain must have gone through overnight, because it was another hot sunny day. I got dressed, pulled my hair back in a ponytail with a scrunchy and went to check on Jamie. She was still sleeping. I went downstairs and made myself breakfast. No sense reporting to Jenny on an empty stomach. I kept an eye on the clock on the microwave and at eight o'clock I decided to take a chance and call. Kelly didn't come in until eight thirty, but maybe Jenny was in early. She came in for us, so maybe she came in for other patients too. I dialed the office number and got a recording in Kelly's voice.

"You have reached the office of Dr. Jenny Mitchell. Our office hours are eight thirty am to four thirty pm, Monday through Friday. If you need critical care, you should go to the hospital emergency room. Admit yourself as Dr. Mitchell's patient and they will contact her. If you need to speak with Dr. Mitchell, please leave a message and your call will be returned. Thank you."

I thought about leaving a message, but I wasn't sure when they checked the answering system. I decided to call back after Kelly got in. I'd rather talk to her than a machine anyway. I went through the bills on my desk and wrote some checks. At eight thirty-five I picked up the phone and dialed the office again. To my relief, Kelly answered.

"Hello, Dr. Mitchell's office."

"Hi Kelly, it's Ginny McCarthy, Jamie's mother."

"Oh, right, like I forgot who you were. Geez. How are you and how's my favorite patient. Ooops, bad Kelly, she's not supposed to tell you that. Forget I said it. I like all of Dr. Mitchell's patients equally. Except for the one that comes in smelling like she fell in a vat of perfume. Somebody needs to tell her that being a woman is not determined by how much fragrance you use. Oh, and the one that thinks that spandex and silicone go together. Oh, and … ."

"Kelly, I need to talk to Dr. Mitchell before she gets busy," I interrupted her. "She asked me to call her today."

"Well why didn't you say so, Ms. McCarthy?"

"Lack of opportunity, for one, Kelly," I chided her.

"Me? She's not in yet. I just thought you needed some entertainment while you waited. Do you want her to call you back? Her first appointment is at nine. It's twenty of now and she's usually in by quarter of."

"Yes please. I'm home and I'll wait for her call."

"Good enough, Ms. McCarthy. I'll give her the message. Are you keeping your usual Monday appointment? I haven't been able to unload the lollipops. I should have gotten the sugar-free ones. All of Dr. Mitchell's patients are trying to keep their girlish figures, as if." She laughed.

"I'm not sure Kelly. You'll have to ask Jenny after I talk to her."

"Okay, will do. Anything else?"

"No. Thanks Kelly. I'll wait for Jenny's call. Bye."

"Goodbye."

I hung up and stayed near the phone. I didn't want it to wake Jamie. About ten minutes after I got off the phone with Kelly, it rang.

"Hello."

"Ginny, good morning, it's Jenny Mitchell. How are you?"

"I'm okay, Jenny, but I have a lot of questions. I hope you have a little time to talk."

"Of course, Ginny. Let me put you on hold while I tell Kelly to hold my other calls and tell Tiffany that I am running late."

The phone went dead for a minute and then Jenny resumed the conversation.

"I hope I'm not inconveniencing you, Jenny."

"No, Tiffany's is a pre-op. That means she's waiting to have SRS, sexual reassignment surgery, a sex change. It's a one way procedure, as you can imagine," what I pictured was not pleasant, "so a TS can't have it without psychiatric pre-approval and I'm not ready to sign off. Not everyone is cut out to be willy-less. That's a TG joke. Anyway, a short session today won't make a difference, so don't worry. Now, Ginny, please tell me what's happened."

"Well, Jamie spent the week as a girl. I dressed him in girl's clothes and had his hair done, like you suggested. We found a really nice woman at a salon that specializes in girls who do pageants. Jamie really looks cute. I have some pictures she took. Do you remember the little girl we met in the park, the one who is going to be in Jamie's kindergarten class?"

"Yes, the one who you were worried would discover that Jamie was a boy when he started school."

"Yes, her. Her name's Merry. Anyway, she went to a puppet show with us and then we went over to her house and Jamie played with her. She had a really good time. I was surprised they got along so well."

"How did you go from worried to happy?"

"Oh, I kind of jumped ahead, Jenny, sorry. I called Karen to see if Jamie could visit as a girl. She was concerned that her family would have a hard time getting over seeing him like that, if it turned out he wasn't going to stay a girl. She said she talked to some gay friends and they said, let me make sure I say it right, they said that coming out defines you. That's how she put it."

"That is the perception. I don't agree with generalizations. It might have been innocuous and it might have been problematic. Your sister knows her family best and, given her background as a therapist, I assume she erred on the side of caution. I can certainly understand that. I told you how concerned I am about telling my own children that I am a transsexual."

"That's one of my questions, Jenny. If you didn't think it was good idea, why did you let me do it?"

"Your sister already knows about Jamie, so there was no harm in asking, Ginny. It's up to you and her to work it out. I help my patients deal with their problems, but I don't run their lives."

"That's what Karen said you'd say."

"It's standard practice, so no surprise. You said it was one of your questions," she emphasized the word one, "so there must be more. Go on, please."

"Well, Helen, that's Merry's mother, was skeptical about my treating Jamie like a girl. She saw no benefit to being female that would justify a sex change. To be honest, she was critical of your advice too, especially when I told her you were a transsexual. I hope you're not mad at me."

"Ginny, it's not a secret. If you feel it's pertinent, you're welcome to reveal it. As to Helen, I've heard it before and she's right in the abstract, but we don't choose our gender in the abstract. Did Helen want to be a man? Do you?"

"No, of course not."

"Why not?"

"Because that isn't who we are."

"That's not who I am either."

"Jenny, please don't take this the wrong way. Helen's argument was that you can change your anatomy, but you can't really change your sex. Please Jenny, please don't be insulted. This is very difficult for me to understand. Helen says that you're just a man who is pretending to be a woman and that I shouldn't listen to you."

"Is that what you think?"

"No."

"Are you just saying that to be polite or do you mean it?"

"I mean it, but this isn't about you. It's about Jamie and I don't want to make a mistake and ruin his life."

"If Helen is wrong about me, maybe she's wrong about Jamie too."

"Maybe I'm wrong about you and she's right about Jamie. I just don't know what to do. I am so sorry I bought him that stupid doll. None of this would have happened."

This conversation was not going well and I was getting more and more frustrated. Jenny must have heard it in my voice.

"Ginny, I will make you one promise. You have to trust me on this. Nothing bad will happen to Jamie. I told you before and I will tell you again, you cannot turn a boy into a girl by dressing him as a girl or treating him like one. If Jamie isn't transgendered, then nothing that you have done so far will make a difference. He will grow up to be a normal boy. However, if he is transgendered, then early recognition will save him from a lifetime of unhappiness. I have to see my next patient soon, but let me tell you one case history.

"I will call her Angela. She was one of six children in a devoutly Catholic family. She grew up knowing that she was different, but she couldn't reveal it. She hated herself and had a miserable childhood. When she went off to college, she joined the campus GLBT group, it's an alliance for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered students. That's what the initials stand for. They convinced her to come out. Her parents cut off her tuition and refused to have any contact with her. She got into drugs and ended up on the street as a prostitute to support her habit. I got involved with her when she was hospitalized after being beaten up by a customer, which is an occupational hazard for these girls. We are trying to work through her guilt and lack of self-esteem, but she is so self-destructive that it's only a matter of time. Now do you understand why I am not concerned about toys, clothes and playmates? It's Jamie's future, not his present, that's at risk. If you're not convinced, Ginny, you should find another therapist. I won't be offended. I mean that with all of my heart.

I was overwhelmed with emotion by how much Jenny cared.

"Ginny?"

"I'm here, Jenny. Thank you. I am sure you're the right woman for the job. What do you recommend I do now?"

"Whatever you think best and I'll see you on Monday."

"Why did I know that you were going to say that?"

"Consistency is a virtue," she retorted.

"Thank you, Jenny."

"Thank you, Ginny."

She hung up. I felt much better. Definitely waffles for breakfast. We're going out. As mother and daughter, I decided, and Jamie was going to wear her white eyelet dress. Then maybe we'd get our nails done. My plans were interrupted by the phone. I wondered if it was Jenny calling me back or maybe Kelly to confirm our Monday appointment.

"Hello."

"Ginny, hi, it's Helen. I'm sorry, I couldn't wait. Did you talk to the doctor yet? What are you going to do?"

"Yes and nothing to answer your questions in the order which you asked them."

"I don't understand."

"I've decided that my daughter and I are going to spend the day together. Would you and Merry like to join us? I'm taking her to the pancake house for waffles and then I thought we'd get a manicure."

"Ginny, I still don't understand. I thought you were going to put an end to Jamie pretending to be a girl?"

"Jamie's not pretending to be anything, Helen. Right now she is enjoying being a girl and having Merry as her playmate. Monday we will decide whether or not to continue."

"I have to say, Ginny, I've never had a friend like you. Merry already had breakfast, but she's a little chow hound. Where is the restaurant? I'll meet you there. What time? Are you sure about this?"

"You mean about having waffles? Yes, I'm sure. In about half an hour."

"Ginny, really. Have it your way. For once I hope I'm wrong. That didn't come out right," she said with a laugh. "I'm wrong lots of times, but this time I want to be." She paused considering her logic. "I give up."

"See you soon."