The Black Ring
(This story involves mental fantasy. Schizophrenia, Dissociative Disorder, Hallucinations, and False Memories are all real disorders. Individuals who suffer from these disorders should be treated with respect and encouraged to get treatment)
My name is Jack and I have a mental illness. I am not ashamed to say it. It was something I was born with. The closest diagnosis anyone has made is schizophrenia, but I don’t fit all the symptoms of it. Some call it dissociative disorder. My condition is super-rare and unique to anyone else. I don’t suffer from it either. In fact, in many ways, I am blessed by it.
“Don’t you agree?” I asked Jill.
“Yeah, sure,” she said giving me a mocking expression.
I’m a college freshman just out of high school and living on my own. Some would say my parents are ridiculously irresponsible for letting me go but my condition is very benign. I’m one of the best students in my high school class. It helps when you have two minds instead of one.
I’m slender and fairly ordinary by appearances. I have dirty blond hair, brown eyes, and pale complexion. Jill is the same way although obviously female. On an ordinary day, I wake up and brush my teeth. I make sure to keep all my teeth perfectly white.
“You missed a spot,” Jill reminded me.
“Thanks,” I muttered as I went over a forgotten tooth. Afterwards, I would drink a cup of Listerine and then spit it out in the sink. I have never had a cavity or dental issue.
Then I would shave using a non-alcoholic shaving cream so my skin wouldn’t dry out. I carefully shaved so as to not cut myself. “You missed a spot here and there,” Jill pointed out.
“Thank you, Jill,” I said as I got the rogue hairs.
“Where would you be without me?” Jill asked condescendingly.
“Perhaps, I miss these things because of you. Ever think of that?” I shot back.
“Yeah right,” she said dismissively.
You might be thinking at this moment that Jill is my girlfriend and that we live together in the same apartment. No such luck. Jill is a mental projection, an alternative personality, a figment of my mind. I can see her in the mirror like some movie cliché, but I can also see her in front of me. When she talks to me, only I can hear her. If I want to talk to her, I have to say it out loud. That’s how it works. As for her clothes, they’re typically the same clothes I last remember her wearing.
You see, I utilize two closets. One closest is for all my male clothing and the second closet is for Jill that contains all female clothes. We make sure that our clothes don’t mix and that we do our own laundry. Easier said than done though. I occasionally have to pick up bras and panties off the floor and put them in her laundry bag. Does any of this make sense?
We all have to sleep or we have those moments when we just doze off or take naps. I do that too and when I do, that’s when Jill takes over. She’s an expert in clothes, make-up, and feminization. She can make me look like a girl perfectly. She even talks like a girl too. It’s amazing the vocal range a person can perform if they work on it. When I’m asleep, she goes out and has fun at the clubs. She’s more social than I am. Does she date men? Sure, she started dating and flirting with boys as early as our teenage years. She always did it when she was dressed as a girl, but she was always careful not to have sex with them.
Does that make me gay? By no means. I find girls attractive and unlike Jill, I have had sex a few times. When Jill is in control, I don’t remember a thing. Occasionally, Jill pops into my head when I am in control but never the other way around. Good thing because if I actually had to see her flirting with men, I would probably vomit in my mouth. It has something to do with me being the dominant personality or something.
Jill turned the other way as I changed into my jeans and t-shirt for school. Jill was generally supportive making sure I didn’t forget anything in my backpack. I got into my car and drove to the university. When I first learned to drive it was positively nerve wracking. Jill was always second-guessing me and freaking out over little things. I received all the driving courses while Jill did not. Somehow, my experience and skill went over to her. It’s complicated. I don’t know how it works.
I went to my lecture class and tried to be attentive. I always sat in the back where there were plenty of other seats around me. Jill sat in the seat next to me and acted as if she were attentive. How can I see two different perspectives at once? Other people have told me that my eyes dart all over the place as if I were ADHD. If I didn’t catch an important detail, Jill might. It’s not a perfect system where I can remember every single detail when someone is talking. I do write with both my right and left hand occasionally writing with both hands at the same time. My right hand writes in my own normal handwriting while my left hand has a more feminine neat style. In the beginning, it would end up being a mess where my notes would overlap hers. We then established a system where I would write on one page, and she would write on the other.
“Wow, that was boring,” Jill remarked after the lecture was over.
“Yep,” I agreed and closed my notebooks.
I tried to not talk out loud as much as possible for fear of someone realizing my condition. I went to the school cafeteria and ordered a cheeseburger and fries. Jill naturally followed wherever I went. She gave me a dirty look as I ate the cheeseburger. “You’re going to make us look fat,” she said flatly.
“I’ll go to the gym,” I said softly.
The cheeseburger didn’t really matter in the scheme of things. I burned more calories than the average person because my body never slept even if my mind did. To avoid talking to myself, I developed a trick whereby I would write in my notebook, she would see it, and then reply. To the outside observer, it was just a guy writing in his notebook for an hour while eating lunch.
“She looks hawt,” I wrote.
Jill automatically knew who I meant, because I knew. “She has a horse-looking face,” Jill said.
“You don’t want me to get laid, do you?” I accused.
“I don’t care as long as I don’t have to see or experience it,” she said. “You better use a condom, because I don’t want to have to deal with kids. At least, if I have sex pregnancy isn’t a possibility.”
“I don’t even want to think about that,” I wrote.
“It’s going to happen eventually. I’m not just going to stay a virgin my whole life,” Jill insisted.
“It’s not even real sex. A man is putting his cock in your butt,” I wrote rudely.
“It’s more than that. It’s having a man on top of me, kissing me, squeezing my nipples, penetrating me while I have my legs on his shoulders. All that raw power overwhelming me,” Jill said erotically.
I shook my head trying to avoid the mental image.
After lunch, I headed off to the gym. In the locker room, Jill gave amusing expressions as she saw other men change. As I changed, the mental projection of Jill also changed. She was now wearing gym clothes.
I generally didn’t work out my upper body for Jill’s sake. If I became athletically fit, it would become more-and-more difficult for Jill to hide it when she cross dressed. Instead, I worked on my cardio and keeping thin. Did I shave my legs? No, although there was a brief time when I experimented with it and used swimming as an excuse. It was a horrible experience that I dared not repeat. Jill and I made an agreement that she was not to try it when she was in control. She never showed her legs when she dressed up always preferring to wear pants or a long dress that went to her ankles.
At the end of the day, I drove home and felt fatigue set in. Unlike most people, I tend to get sleepy after twelve hours. There’s a slight transition as my mind shifts from myself to Jill. So, it’s not like I feel comfortable driving completely sleep deprived.
I drove to my apartment’s parking lot and entered inside. “Sup?” my roommate said as I entered. My roommate, Nick, was an Asian nerd studying mechanical engineering. Jill and I chose him as a roommate for several reasons. He wasn’t popular enough around school to start spreading gossip about our condition. Since he was socially awkward himself, it wasn’t likely he would notice our weirdness. We were both very certain he was gay, and Jill didn’t find him attractive at all. He also stayed in his room a lot of the time. He was the perfect roommate.
“Good first day,” I said. “Oh, if you knock on my door and I don’t open it immediately, it’s because I’m a heavy sleeper,” I said.
“Alright, good to know,” Nick replied.
In reality, if Nick ever did knock on the door Jill would need sufficient enough time to change clothes to appear as myself. I went to my room and then entered my own bathroom. I generally did not shower with other guys. It was too torturous for Jill. So much desire denied all at once for her. I entered the shower and saw Jill join me. How did I see her? Sometimes, I don’t know myself. A clone of myself? A sister? A lover? Has anyone had a sexual fantasy of making love to themselves or was it just me? Was it incest or merely masturbation? When I was young teenager, I didn’t have these projections. My fantasy was with an older woman like an actress or supermodel. As I got older, I wanted someone my same age. Presumably, as I become old I will want someone much younger.
One day I recalled, I was stroking my cock in the shower when my hands were replaced with Jill’s feminine hands. She stroked me off until I came. It was the quickest and most powerful sexual high I had ever had up to that point.
This particular time, I stroked my cock as I thought about an actress I had seen in a movie. At the same time I stroked my cock, she would touch her clit with her thumb. I could hear her moan softly even though in all reality, she wasn’t even there.
“Jack, cum inside your dream girl,” she said softly to me.
“I’m trying,” I said as I rubbed faster.
“That’s it. Stroke it harder. You got this,” she said encouragingly.
Finally, I came in the shower and breathed heavily from the effort. A few quick moments and then I felt nothing as usual. Was I fucked up? Probably. I looked for Jill, but she was already gone. I cleaned myself up and then dried myself. I walked over to my cabinet while Jill waited patiently on the bed. She was already dressed in the same blue pajamas I was planning to wear.
I put the pajamas on and didn’t bother turning the lights off. I went to the bed and fell asleep exhausted. It was only 6 p.m. “Sleep tight,” Jill said as I dozed off.
I woke up at 6 a.m. in my bed and went to the bathroom to check myself in the mirror. No lipstick this time. I brushed my teeth and shaved as usual. I then looked at my computer and saw that my written notes had been typed out in word documents.
“Do I get a thank you?” Jill asked me.
“Thank you, Jill,” I said.
I always had good manners when it came to myself. I sat down at my laptop and read over the notes for my classes. I then noticed a movie had been playing. I instantly knew what the movie was and its contents.
“What did you think?” I asked her.
“It was okay,” she said uncommitted. “The action was good but the story sucked.”
I nodded. Jill was generally a good critic. There was a book half-finished on my desk. I instantly started to remember what the book was about. It happened to be a romance novel. I didn’t buy it, so I assumed Jill had.
“I think we should have a talk,” Jill said seriously.
“About what?” I asked knowing what it would be about.
“I want a boyfriend, if only for one date,” she said.
“What’s the point?” I asked.
“What’s the point in you getting laid?” she asked.
“This is a male body, and I am a heterosexual male. Likely, we will be married to a woman and have children with her,” I said bluntly.
She seemed frustrated by that prospect. “My future wife isn’t going to want me cross dressing and having affairs with men,” I added.
“So, you should allow me to have those affairs now while I still can,” she said.
“You’ll just have deeper regret when I do get married. I’m just being practical,” I said.
“Well, this is college, right? Maybe I can experiment with the same sex,” Jill smirked.
“I like it. Take pics,” I agreed.
A few weeks went by and midterms came up. My mind was razor sharp especially with Jill at my side. As usual, I reserved a seat for Jill in the back. When someone did take the seat, Jill would end up on the steps which she hated. As I took the midterm, Jill and I worked together to write as much information as I could. My pencil kept going the entire hour without stop. The student next to me noticed that I was using both my right and left hand at the same time as I wrote. At the end of the period, I had written a book on the subject. Feeling good about myself, I turned it in.
A few days later, my TA asked that I speak with her about the midterm after class. “I graded your midterm and it is by far the best in the class. However, there is just one problem I wanted to talk with you about,” the TA said.
“Oh?” I asked confused.
“The way you write suggests someone may have helped you,” the TA said. “Your midterm has two handwriting styles,” the TA said showing me the difference in writing.
“We are so fucked! We’re going to be expelled,” Jill said fearfully.
I ignored her hysterics. “That’s because that page is written with my right hand and this page is written by my left hand,” I said simply.
“You’re ambidextrous?” she clarified.
“Right,” I said sighing with relief.
“Could you demonstrate it for me?” she asked.
I took out a notebook and took out two pens. “I need a prompt,” I muttered. I then saw a motivational poster in the room and remembered the slogan. I then put pen to paper and wrote down the slogan on both pieces of paper at the same time with both hands. The TA looked at my writing amazed.
“Impressive,” she said. “That’s all I needed to know from you. It’s an “A”,” she said.
“Oh? You’re not curious as to how I can do this?” I asked.
“No, I respect student privacy,” she said.
“Tell her. It will be so cool,” Jill said excitedly.
I resisted Jill’s immaturity. “Thank you,” I said politely to the TA and left the building.
As I went to the parking lot, there must have been a spring to my step. I was in a good mood despite Jill being a little annoying. “You could have asked her out,” Jill said.
“That would have been unprofessional,” I told her.
“I’m just trying to help you out,” Jill said.
“Message received and deleted,” I told her.
She started staring at some of the guys entering the gym. “One of us needs to get laid,” she said.
I knew she had needs, but I wasn’t going to entertain them. Sex with men would potentially ruin my reputation and subject me to diseases. I could also get my ass kicked by a potential boyfriend. It was out of the question. There was no way a penis was going to be in my mouth or in my ass.
“There’s more to it than just fucking. There’s kissing, touching, and dancing,” she told me.
“It always leads to fucking,” I told her.
“What’s so wrong about being bisexual. It’s not a big deal anymore,” she told me.
“Why can’t you be a Lesbian and make everything easier for me?” I asked her.
“Even if I was, she would figure it out eventually. Women aren’t interested in a man that acts like a female,” she said.
I went to the gym and did my normal routine. One of the girls at the gym caught my eye. “Do we know her from somewhere?” I whispered to Jill.
“She’s in your class, idiot,” she mocked.
“What’s her name?” I asked Jill.
“How should I know?” she asked me.
The young woman was Hispanic, tan-skinned, dark hair and eyes, and had a good figure. I instantly felt attracted to her. “Find out,” I ordered Jill.
I woke up in my pajamas and found Jill sitting in my chair. “Her name is Maria,” she said.
“Thank you, Jill,” I said.
“So, you want to fuck her?” Jill asked bluntly.
“I might…,” I began as I brushed my teeth. “Want a relationship with her,” I concluded.
“I saved all the pictures of her I thought were sexy and put them in a folder for you,” she said.
“Creepy and unnecessary, Jill. But thank you,” I said.
“Let’s make a deal. I get you this girl, and you let me go out at night,” Jill said.
I gave Jill an uncertain look wondering what she was up to. “Deal.”
In class, the midterms were handed back and the professor pointed me out for being a good student. I was red in the face. I didn’t like the attention. Jill seemed to be enjoying it though. As it happened, I saw Maria in the front row.
“Don’t you dare start sitting in the front row,” Jill warned me.
Once class was over, I was one of the last to leave. As it happened, Maria came to me. She was embarrassed and nervous. “Professor thinks you’re a genius,” she said flirtingly.
“I just don’t sleep is all,” I said. It was partly true.
“I wondered if we could be study partners. It would be the four of us,” she said.
I was slightly disappointed. I would rather have had it be just the two of us or three of us counting Jill. “Sure,” I said.
“Cool, does seven work for you?” she asked.
“No problem,” I told her.
Once Maria was gone, Jill told me the obvious. “This fucks up our sleep schedule,” she hissed.
“I know,” I said softly.
I woke up the next morning expecting the worst. “So, how did it go?” I asked Jill.
“She’s sweet but kind of dumb,” Jill said.
“Everyone is dumb compared to us,” I told her.
She shrugged. “Did anything eventful happen?” I asked her.
“Not really, but I can tell she’s focused more on you than anyone else,” she said.
“I have to know for myself,” I said.
“Yeah, fuck me then,” Jill said disappointed.
“It’s not going to be every night,” I told her.
“I want out tonight,” she demanded.
“Fine, whatever,” I relented.
My name is Jill, and I am going to go out, tonight! I am so thrilled. I stripped down and started working on my face with make-up. After thirty minutes, I looked great. No one would be able to tell I was male. I wasn’t the type to put an excessive amount of make-up. Just enough to get the job done. I then put on my favorite blond wig and made sure it looked natural all around. I tried to convince Jack that having longer hair could still look masculine. He, of course, refused. I could grow out my hair for months only to have him get a haircut suddenly.
I then tucked my cock and balls in panties especially designed for transsexuals. I would never have to worry about an erection. I placed prosthetic breasts on my chest and then kept them in place with a bra. I had to make sure my breasts didn’t look uneven or unnatural. I then put on women’s jeans and a t-shirt. I wasn’t confident enough to try a dress or skirt just yet. Lastly, I put on some tennis shoes. I was a college girl. I didn’t have to look like I was going to prom.
Which reminded me of when I did go to prom. Jack agreed I could go to prom at some other school and be some guy’s date as long as I didn’t have sex with him. My parents even allowed it which was the astonishing part. I ended up kissing him but that was it. Jack was so relieved I didn’t do anything stupid. In appreciation, I didn’t mind when he fucked some girl in his class a few weeks later. I even helped seal the deal.
You see, we aren’t in competition with each other. We have this symbiotic relationship. Even though we get twice the drama, we also get twice as much done in the same amount of time. Confident in my looks, my next mission was to escape the apartment without being detected by Nick. Honestly, the easiest way for me to get fucked by a man would be Nick. He was totally gay. However, that would cause a hell storm of drama with Jack.
I looked around and made sure he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen. I then quickly made my way out of the apartment and towards Jack’s car. Driving was risky business. My driver’s license had Jake’s name and his face on it. If I got pulled over, it would be awkward to say the least. As usual, I decided to risk it and went to a club in town. Did they check my ID? No, I was a hot chick.
I ordered a drink using cash and just enjoyed the atmosphere. I hadn’t been able to do this in some time. Sure, I could do this as “Jack” but I always felt like his body wasn’t mine. “Hi, Miss. Mind if I buy you a drink,” a college man asked me.
He was taller than me by several inches, a good body build, and a great smile. I was instantly attracted to him. “Only if you dance with me first,” I smiled back. My voice was perfectly feminine after years of practice.
“Sure,” he agreed.
I went to the dance floor and had some fun with him. Jack would never dance. He was too self-conscious. He couldn’t loosen up. There was also this masculine performance issue. Men had to prove themselves to women to get laid. I didn’t have to do anything but let men come to me. My partner placed his hands on my hips and occasionally rubbed my butt. I enjoyed it and in return I put my hands around his neck. We danced for a bit and then he gave me a drink. We danced some more and then I we hung out until I felt sober enough to drive back home.
“Thanks, Chris. I had a wonderful time,” I said and then kissed him.
“Can I get your number?” he asked.
That was tricky business. Fortunately, my parents were understandable enough to give me two phones with two phone numbers. I gave him mine and saved his. I went back to my car and thought about Chris. I had a sudden sexual need to rub one out real fast. My cock was still constrained and it was almost painful. No doubt Chris would jack off to a picture of me. Was it wrong for me to know, expect, and accept this reality?
I went home and entered the apartment. If Nick saw me, I could always claim I was his sister who would naturally have a spare key. However, he wasn’t around, and I discreetly went back to my room. Jack and I had chosen our roommate well.
I didn’t immediately undress once I was in my room. I loved looking like a woman. The psychiatrists tried to explain that I was Jack’s feminine side and that I wasn’t really real. I told them to fuck off. I knew that someday Jack would get married and become a father. Would I continue to exist or just fade away? In some regards, I felt like a cancer patient that was enjoying their last several months before the end. As Jack got older, it would become more-and-more difficult to cross dress. I would be a gay man with a woman’s mind.
With the reminder of my time, I studied for class, took notes, read a book, and finally put my clothes away. I took the make-up off my face and then got into pajamas.
My name is Jack and apparently Jill had her fun tonight. I checked her phone and saw that she added “Chris” to her phone list. I then looked at a number of selfies and saw someone who was probably Chris in the background. Was it wrong for me to spy on my own self?
“I didn’t fuck him if that’s what you’re asking,” Jill said.
“Much appreciated, Jill,” I replied.
“Does it bother you that I got the first kiss in a new town?” she asked.
“Nope,” I replied.
“And why is that?” she asked.
“Women don’t have to do anything to get a kiss from a guy. It’s no accomplishment,” I said.
“That may be, but it is an accomplishment if the guy is good-looking,” she said.
“I wouldn’t know,” I told her.
“You don’t feel anything for him at all?” she questioned.
“No, I would probably have his build too if I didn’t have you to concern with,” I said honestly.
“That’s fucked up,” she said annoyed.
“I sacrifice a lot for you,” I reminded her.
“Oh, and do you consider my sacrifices? I look and dress like a boy with few exceptions,” she said.
“I didn’t ask for this situation,” I said.
“Maybe…we were once twins in the womb and my body died, so I am your twin sister’s spirit in your body,” she said.
“There’s no evidence of that,” I refuted. “We didn’t have a twin, and you are not a ghost.”
“So, what’s our goal?” Jill asked.
“We get Maria in this bed,” I said resolved.
“And why should I help you?” Jill asked rhetorically.
“If I get a girlfriend, you get a new best friend,” I said to her.
“Let’s get her,” Jill agreed.
I went to class but this time Maria was in the back row a few seats from me. I decided to act disinterested and went to my normal seat with Jill next to me. After class, I went to the study room and intentionally dozed off for a moment.
I awoke in the library drooling over some book. I looked around and was pleased Jill took the time to study in the library. I put my books away and went to my “study session.” We discussed the material and readings and then I intentionally took my time putting my books away.
“You’re really smart. Do you do anything but study?” Maria asked me.
“Well, yes, occasionally my alter-ego dresses me up like a girl and kisses guys she’s just met,” I felt like saying.
“I would like to get out more, but I don’t know anyone here in town yet,” I said.
“Well, I could join you,” she said nervously.
“How about bowling?” I suggested.
“So lame,” Jill said to me.
“Bowling is great,” she agreed.
We settled on an evening date for bowling which would piss off Jill no doubt. She said as much. Once she was gone, I took out a notebook and wrote to Jill. “I am gaining her trust,” I said.
“How slow do you want to take this?” she asked me.
“If I try too hard, I might miss her all together,” I told her.
Since I skipped gym in the afternoon, I decided to go in the evening. The gym was open until 10 p.m. I did my normal routine but Jill started freaking out. “He’s here. Chris is here. He’s going to spot us!” she said.
“Not if you did your job,” I spat at her.
Chris was indeed in the gym. I recognized his face from Jill’s phone. He was working with weights and was totally oblivious to me. I decided to ignore him and went back home.
In the shower, I thought about Maria’s sexy body. “You’re thinking about Maria, aren’t you?” Jill teased.
“Fuck off,” I told her as I stroked my cock.
“What if she says no?” Jill asked.
“That would make her a tease,” I muttered.
“Maybe, she’s just using you,” Jill said.
“I want to be used. Go ahead and use me,” I said.
“Did you know, I let Chris touch our butt,” Jill said.
“Fuck it,” I said exiting the shower.
“What did I do?” Jill asked innocently.
“You can be such a bitch sometimes,” I said after drying off and getting dressed.
“I’m sorry,” Jill said apologetically.
“I need homework and studying complete by tomorrow morning,” I told her.
“Yes, Sir,” she said giving me a mock salute.
Jill and I coordinated our sleep schedule so that I would be in control during the bowling outing. Maria was inexperienced and frankly terrible at bowling. This gave me the opportunity to “instruct” her. Jill continually rolled her eyes as I helped Maria with her grip.
“This is so dumb,” Jill remarked.
Even with my tips, Maria was still doing badly often getting gutter balls. I could totally kick her ass but that wouldn’t get me laid. I did poorly the first game to make her feel better. The second game, I worked to impress her by throwing several strikes. To distract her from the loss, I gave her a bunch of quarters for the arcade games.
There was one particular arcade game that I was very good at. The game had two pistols for two players. Maria and I shot at aliens but eventually Maria lost as expected. “I suck at this,” she admitted.
“It’s alright. I wasn’t good at first either,” I said and put more quarters in the machine. “Watch this.”
With both hands, I fired on the aliens with perfect aim. My hand-eye coordination was perfect with both hands. I won a challenging level perfectly. After the game was over, I took back control of my left arm from Jill.
“You have really good reflexes,” Maria complimented.
“I got some other skills,” I smiled.
“You’re going too fast,” Jill warned me.
I wanted to tell her to shut up but couldn’t in front of Maria. “You want to go out? To a club,” I asked her.
“Can we get in?” she asked uncertain.
“Sure,” I said confidently.
I drove her to the club and managed to get inside without anyone asking for our IDs. I hadn’t actual been to the club before as myself, so I had to rely on Jill to know the layout and drink menus. She spoke to me as I approached the bar. I got a beer and then ordered Jill’s favorite drink for Maria. As I got my drinks, I bumped into a guy.
“Sorry about that,” he said politely.
“It’s Chris,” Jill said freaked out.
“No problem,” I said keeping my cool.
“Have I seen you before. I’m feeling the weirdest sense of deja vu,” he smiled friendly.
“We go to the same gym,” I answered.
“Sure,” he said thoughtfully. “I thought I recognized you from somewhere.”
I nodded and walked away from him. It was the closest I had ever been to being “caught” per se. I walked over to Maria and gave her a drink. She seemed to enjoy it. We always had good tastes in drinks.
“Want to dance?” Maria asked as we finished our drinks.
“I’m not really the type,” I said nervously.
“It’s alright,” she said.
“I’ll be right back,” I said and then walked into the bathroom. I picked out a stall and sat down on the toilet.
“You can take over now,” I said as I prepared to doze off.
“This is such bullshit,” she said displeased.
I woke up in my own bed wearing the same clothes I wore at the club. I looked over the rest of the bed half-expecting a naked Maria. No such luck. “You’re gross,” Jill said.
I shrugged. “How did it go?” I asked.
“Fine. We danced for two hours and then I took her home. She couldn’t tell the difference,” she said.
“Anything else?” I asked.
“I...kissed her goodnight,” Jill said embarrassed.
“Ha!” I said clapping my hands. I would make Jill a Lesbian yet.
“It was on the cheek and it was awkward,” Jill said.
“Good job, Jill,” I complimented.
“I’ll get you back for this,” she threatened.
My name is Jill, and I’m going to get Jack back for what he did to me at the club. I went down stairs and found Nick in the kitchen. I was still wearing Jack’s masculine clothing. “Hi, how’s it going?” he asked awkwardly.
“Good,” I said using Jack’s voice. “What you cooking there?” I asked curiously.
“Just a dish that reminded me of my family’s cooking,” he said.
“Can I help?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said delighted.
So, we worked together on making an Asian cuisine dinner. I could tell that Nick was a little nervous the whole time. We accidentally touched each other on numerous occasions. I knew he wanted me. I could see all the signs. Did I like him? Not really, but I was starving for attention and this was payback for Jack leaving me with Maria.
After dinner, I helped clean the dishes. “That was great. We should do this more often,” I said to him.
“Yeah, sure,” he agreed.
I then got close to him and kissed him on the lips. He didn’t resist me but went along with it. I then massaged his dick through his pants to make my point clear. “Until next time,” I said giving a very stunned Nick a pat on the shoulder and then I went up to my room.
My name is Jack and it was like any other morning. I went downstairs and found Nick watching TV. He quickly got up as I went to the door. “That was a great diner last night. Want to do it again, tonight?” he asked in a very feminine obviously gay tone.
It took me half a second to register what he meant. “Maybe, we’ll see,” I said politely.
Before I could stop him, he gave me a kiss on the cheek as I left the apartment. Outside, I rubbed my cheek and went inside my car. Jill was already in the passenger seat. I eyed her suspiciously. “What the fuck, Jill?” I demanded.
“Why do you always blame me?” she protested.
“Obviously, you did something last night to give him a false impression. How many other guys have you done this to?” I said outraged.
“Just him and Chris, but I was in drag when I kissed Chris,” she said defensively.
“Why would you do this? We chose that guy for a reason, remember?” I asked.
“You made me kiss Maria, so you deserve it,” she shot back.
“I didn’t make you do anything,” I argued.
“Oh, so, I was just supposed to let her go without any sign of affection? You would be pissed off if I did that,” she said.
“Okay, you had your fun, alright. No messing with Nick after this,” I ordered.
“That depends. Are you going to have me switch while you have your cock inside Maria?” she asked rudely.
“No, and why would I?” I asked her. “You don’t kiss guys as me, and I won’t put you in a position where you have to kiss a girl: deal?” I asked.
“Deal,” she agreed.
“What’s the big deal anyway? I thought girls like to kiss each other,” I said.
“You watch too much Lesbian porn,” she lectured.
My name is Jill, and I am headed to the club. I got myself completely feminized and then went downstairs. I must have been careless, because Nick spotted me leaving the apartment. I drove to the club and found Chris there. He must have been a regular.
“I didn’t think I would see you so soon,” Chris smiled at me.
“You come here often?” I asked.
“Only every other weekend,” he said. I checked my watch and realized it was a Saturday night. Sometimes, I lose all sense of time.
I ordered a drink and played hard to get. Chris eventually came over to me. “Want to share a booth?” he asked.
So, we went to a booth and took sips of our drinks. We discussed classes and some life goals. As the night continued, and I became more intoxicated we discussed other issues. “So, I have this twin brother. He’s kind of controlling,” I said obviously tipsy.
“That’s unfortunate. How do your parents feel about this?” he asked.
“They treat me like I don’t exist. It’s like he’s the favorite if you know what I mean,” I said.
“I completely understand. I have an older brother who’s already graduated,” Chris said.
“He’s always telling me who I can hang out with and where I can go,” I continued.
“You have to stand up for yourself. You’re an adult, now,” Chris advised.
“Yeah, I have my life, too,” I agreed.
We talked some more and then I went to my car. I wasn’t stupid even in my intoxicated state. If I got caught by the cops, it would be the most humiliating affair. I sat in my car and then dozed off.
My name is Jack, and I am apparently drunk, in drag, and sitting in my car. I guess I should be lucky Jill didn’t put the keys in the ignition and doze off. Just having the keys in the ignition could give me a DUI. I looked at myself in the car mirror and was disturbed by what I saw. It wasn’t the first time I had seen myself in drag. Jill had a number of pictures of herself all dressed up on my computer. Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see a semblance of myself.
I took a gym bag filled with male clothes from the trunk. I always did this as a pre-caution. I took the bag with me back into the club. I avoided eye contact with anyone and went straight for the restroom. I hesitated as I realized my dilemma. If I went into the men’s room and was caught looking like a girl, I would be fucked. If I went into the women’s room and came out looking like a man, I would be even more fucked.
I decided to be methodical in my approach. I went into the women’s room first and changed in one of the stalls. I took the dress off and high heels. I put all my girl clothes in my backpack and then changed into my jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes. Once I was done, I still looked like a girl. I walked out of the restroom and went back to my car.
In the safety of my car, I took off the wig, cleaned my face of make-up, and then took off the fake breasts from my chest. It was painful as the adhesive stuck well to my skin. Once I was done, I looked like me again.
I stayed in my car and played on my phone until it died. Once I was confident I could drive again, I went home. It was early morning as I came to the door. As it happened, Nick was still up. “Who was the girl?” he asked suspiciously and I could sense hurt in his voice.
“My sister,” I lied.
“Oh, I see,” he muttered.
I was having a rough night, so you will have to forgive me. “You have something you want to say?” I asked harshly.
“It’s just that you’ve been giving me some mixed signals,” Nick said pathetically.
“Oh Really?” I said wide-eyed. “Nick, I’m pretty chill on the surface but deep down I’m an asshole. Remember that,” I said and then went upstairs.
I closed the door and figured that would be the end of that.
“Was that really necessary?” Jill asked sitting on my chair.
I threw my backpack in her closet. “You’re taking care of that shit,” I told her angrily.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything inappropriate,” she said excusing herself.
“You never leave me in drag. That was the rule!” I yelled at her.
“I am in drag all the time!” she yelled back at me.
“No, girls can wear whatever they want and it doesn’t matter,” I refuted. “This isn’t the Victorian era.”
“It’s not just the clothes. I can’t wear my wig and I can’t wear my breasts,” she argued.
“None of this is necessary. Do you think clothes, a wig, and fake breasts make you female?” I asked.
“I’m warning you. Do not go there,” Jill said.
“All of this is superficial. Fashion trends change all the time. In some cultures, men wear skirts. In some cultures, the men have long hair. In some cultures, men wear make-up just like you do. You like men? So what? Gay men like men. How are you any different from them?” I asked her.
“I want to be a woman,” she said with a determined expression.
“How can you want what you’ve never been?” I asked rhetorically.
“I want to be treated as a woman by others,” she clarified.
“That’s the magic word isn’t it? You want to be “treated” like a girl just as I have “treated” you like a girl since the beginning. Maybe, I should stop. Maybe, I won’t imagine you as a girl in my head and calling you Jill,” I threatened.
“You going to take away my breasts and give me a cock and balls, Jack? Do you want me to live as a gay man and have everyone in town know it? I’ll be the town slut. I don’t give a fuck. No girl will touch you after they know. When I dress as a woman, no one knows who I am. You should be thanking me,” she said angrily.
“I would rather have you as a gay man than a transvestite freak!” I said finally.
She stared at me as if I had just slapped her. A part of me regretted what I had just said. A part of me didn’t. “Get us through school. I don’t care what the fuck you do,” I said and then turned the lights off as I went to bed.
My name is Jill or Jim or Bill or whatever the fuck. I was in a state of confusion and self-loathing. After a brief period of crying, I went downstairs and knocked on Nick’s door. He eventually came to the door after several knocks. He was groggy and confused. “I’m so sorry,” I said and then kissed him passionately.
He didn’t resist me but instead embraced me. I got low on him and pulled down his shorts. I stroked him to get him good and hard and then I started sucking him. He tensed up as I gave him a blowjob. I didn’t know if he had ever received one before this. I didn’t even know if I was any good at it. I didn’t care at this point. I kept going and within a few minutes, he came in my mouth. I quickly swallowed it and then continued knowing his penis would remain super-sensitive for a few seconds longer. He gasped and closed his eyes as I got the last of it.
After I was done, I stood up to face him. He gave me a dazed and confused look on his face. “Let me give you one,” he said gratefully.
“It’s okay, Nick. Let’s keep this our secret,” I said to him and then left his room.
My name is Jack and its time for Finals. While initially, I had studied within the group, I later studied with Maria one-on-one. We were both confident we would do well. Jill was essentially gone. In her place was someone who looked and dressed similar to me. Her femininity had successfully been purged but it was a rather hallow victory. She rarely spoke to me socially and acted more like a servant than a friend. The process wasn’t over just yet. A few more victories, and I would have a clone of myself desiring the same goals as myself. Play time was over. This was our destiny, to be unified, and to have one purpose.
During my Final, Jill and I worked together writing furiously with both hands. As before, we practically wrote a book on the subject. I turned it in and met with Maria afterwards. She was also confident she had done well. At first, I didn’t think she was very smart. Now, it seemed there was potential. A few days later, I had a private meeting with the TA to verify that I had received an “A” in the class. Not only had I scored the highest in the class, the TA assured me that my professor would give me a recommendation letter if I ever needed it.
In my room, I scanned all the image files on my computer. I collected all the pictures of Jill dressed as a woman. I deleted them all. I then checked the camera and all the floppy drives. I deleted any and all pictures of her.. I then opened the closet and saw Jill’s collection of clothes. I could destroy it myself. However, that would only solve half the problem.
I turned to Jill who at this point appeared androgynous. “Get rid of it,” I ordered. I then walked into the bathroom and collected all of her feminine hygiene products. “Get rid of these, too,” I ordered.
“Just throw it away?” she asked subdued.
“Or give it away,” I suggested. “It needs to be done today. I have an evening outing with Maria.”
“I understand,” she replied.
“I’m not going to call you Jill anymore. Choose another name,” I ordered.
That evening, I checked Jill’s closet and found it empty. I checked the bathroom as well as found nothing of hers. “Satisfied?” she asked.
“Thank you...,” I said and then stopped myself.
I put on my leather jacket and went downstairs. Nick smiled at me from the kitchen. “I saw you move a lot of stuff out this afternoon. Anything wrong?” he asked.
“After winter break, I’m moving out. Don’t worry. My parents will compensate you for the rent. In fact, you will have the place all to yourself,” I smiled.
He simply stared at me. “I’ll be at my girlfriend’s place,” I said and then walked off.
“Did you need to tell him where you were going? You crushed him,” Jill said softly.
“Good,” I replied.
I drove to Maria’s place and noted the fact that her roommate was gone for the weekend. The apartment was smaller and more cluttered than mine, but it would do. “I just found out I aced the Final,” she said happily.
“Good for you,” I said sincerely.
“You’ve helped me out so much,” she said gratefully.
“And now, I am going to help you with dinner,” I volunteered.
Maria and I worked on dinner while Jill stayed on the couch seemingly staring off into space. She didn’t say a word which was just as well since Maria and I were having a good conversation. We discussed our majors and what we would do after college. After dinner, we sat on the couch and watched one of her favorite movies. Normally, Jill would be telling me what she thought of the movie. Instead, she remained silent.
As the movie ended, she asked what I thought of the movie. “Honestly, I was thinking of something else the entire time,” I admitted.
“Really? What?” she asked not offended.
“This,” I said and then kissed her.
She got closer to me as if expecting it. We continued kissing and holding each other until I was on top of her on the couch. We made out touching each others clothes and intertwining our legs. “Do you want to take this further?” I asked softly.
She nodded and I could tell the excitement in her expression. I got up and followed her to her bedroom. Fortunately, she didn’t share a room with a roommate. As I entered her room, I was painfully aware that it was a girl’s room. It reminded me of all the stuff I had Jill give away. I concentrated on Maria and started kissing her again. She took off her t-shirt indicating to me that we would surely have sex. I went behind her and unclasped her bra. I held her breasts as I continued to kiss her. She moved her body more towards me so that my erection touched her leg.
With her bra off, Maria must have meant business. I took off my shirt and led her over to the bed. At first, I was a little embarrassed I hadn’t worked on my upper body for Jill’s sake. My upper body workout routine would start tomorrow. Maria neither noticed nor cared as I slowly got her out of her jeans. In short order, we were both naked and ready to go. I didn’t even need to warm her up. She was wet and ready for me to enter. She must have been waiting a long time for this as I had.
“You’re not going to use a condom?” Jill asked disappointed. She was still wearing her clothes which was unusual under the circumstances.
I ignored her and pushed inside Maria. She gasped and clung to me tightly. I kept up a steady pace in missionary style. Maria moaned occasionally nearly sending me over the edge. We eventually changed positions with her on top. I touched her breasts as she rode me like a pro. Jill sat in a chair bored and even glancing away from us. Why couldn’t I have a personality that would enjoy my sexual success and cheer me on? Maybe, I could train Jill to be more like that.
Maria cried out as she felt her orgasm. She stayed still for a few moments as her orgasm overwhelmed her. Then, she went back to her quick pace. “I am going to cum soon,” I warned her.
“It’s alright,” she said giving me permission.
With an involuntary twitch, I felt myself shoot inside her. “Oh, fuck!” I grunted as I felt several powerful surges through my cock.
“Wow, that was great,” she smiled complimenting me.
It did feel great. She was beautiful and very sexy. Not only that but it seemed obvious to me at least that she would want to have sex frequently. Maybe, we could even discuss a roommate situation by the end of the next semester.
In the morning, I woke up to sunlight on my face. Maria smiled as I woke up. She was still naked. “Wow, you really don’t sleep for long,” she said amazed.
“Yeah, right,” I said a little confused.
Maria got close to me and kissed me. “The second time was so much better than the first. I think we’re connecting,” she said pleased.
Second time? I looked at a fully clothed Jill, but she gave nothing away. So, she was giving me the silent treatment. She had done this before but would eventually come around. “Oh, well, maybe the third time will be even better,” I said.
“Alright,” Maria said and then started stroking my cock.
I headed back home a little flustered. Maria still maintained that the second time was the best. I turned to Jill who was looking out the window. “You had sex with Maria?” I asked softly.
“Yes,” she said simply.
“Why?” I asked.
“She noticed I was up in the middle of the night watching TV. She asked if I ever slept. I told her that I don’t sleep and that’s why I do so well studying. She then asked me to come back to bed,” Jill said.
“Okay,” I allowed.
“Okay?” Jill questioned.
“You had to do what you had to do under the circumstances. Thank you,” I said politely.
“Yeah, sure,” she replied awkwardly.
I felt guilty and my pride had taken a hit. I had promised Jill I would never put her in a situation where she would have to fuck a girl. Not only that, but Jill had managed to do a better job than me. I wanted to know everything she had done but my pride wouldn’t allow it. Jill didn’t yell at me or anything. Secretly, I hoped she would change and become like me. If we both were attracted to the same sex, that would make things a lot simpler.
“So...not too bad after all,” I said to her.
“Whatever,” she muttered.
My parents were affluent and so they had no problem with me taking out another apartment lease for the next semester. I was doing well in school, and they didn’t want to do anything that could set me off. I moved out immediately and started sending out ads for a new roommate.
“I’m looking for a new roommate,” I said casually to Maria.
“What’s wrong with the one you got?” she asked.
“Nothing’s wrong with him per se. It’s just that I found a better location,” I said and then gave her the address.
“Oh, I see,” she said recognizing how close it was to the campus and the shopping center. “Well, I don’t know anyone who needs a place.”
“What about you?” I asked boldly.
“Oh, I couldn’t I still have a lease,” she said.
“What if I took care of it?” I asked.
“You could do that for me?” she asked amazed.
“Sure, no problem,” I said confidently.
“I would have to think about it, honestly. It’s a big step,” she said.
“Sure, there’s no rush,” I said. I didn’t think she would say yes, immediately. However, the idea was now in her head.
Just as winter break was finishing, I picked up Maria for a nice dinner date. Things were going well between us especially after a New Year’s Eve Party.
Maria started scanning the radio while I concentrated on the road. Jill was in the back seat staring off into space. I tried not to glance behind to give her a look. “You’ve been so great to me, Jack,” Maria said appreciatively.
“No, problem,” I said as we arrived at a light.
“You’re so understanding like you know what I’m thinking before I say it,” she continued.
That was mostly due to Jill’s insight, but I couldn’t tell her that. I pulled ahead as the light turned green. I saw a glaring light out Maria’s side window. “Jack!” Jill shouted at me.
The car blew through the red light and struck our car at a high rate of speed. There was a sudden red mist in the air as the incoming car crashed through Maria’s side. The glass shattered all around me and my head was flung towards the side window nearly knocking me unconscious. My car dragged a little until we both came to a stop.
Dazed and confused, I touched my head and felt blood. “Don’t look, Jack,” Jill warned me.
I looked anyway and saw Maria completely crushed from the impact. She had died instantly. I had to get out of the car. I unbuckled myself and opened the car door. I stumbled outside and made a few steps before I collapsed in the street.
“Just stay down until the ambulance arrives,” Jill said to me.
I looked back and didn’t see the accident anymore. The streets were empty of cars, and I didn’t hear the ambulance sirens. “I think I’ll walk home,” I said getting up.
“Don’t be stupid, Jack. The ambulance will be here soon,” Jill said to me.
“Why do I need an ambulance? I’m fine,” I said as I stumbled about.
“There was a car accident. You can’t just leave,” Jill shouted at me.
“What accident? I don’t see an accident,” I said looking back at the empty intersection. “I’ll just walk back home and cancel the date with Maria. She’ll understand,” I said as I continued walking.
Jill simply stared at me. “Okay, the way is this way,” she pointed out.
“That’s right,” I agreed.
I walked with a limp through the streets until an ambulance drove up to me. “Are you alright?” the paramedic asked.
“Never better,” I said slurring my words.
“Get him in the back,” the paramedic said upon seeing my face.
I gave Jill a confused look. “They’re going to give us a ride back home,” she said
“That’s nice of them,” I remarked.
They placed me in the ambulance and started putting a bandage around my head. “We found a guy stumbling close to the crash site. He’s responsive but confused,” the paramedic radioed.
“What crash?” I muttered.
“You’re going to be taken care of, son,” the paramedic said to me.
“That’s nice of you,” I said and then passed out.
My name is Jack and I awoke after what felt like a long sleep. I felt groggy and disoriented as I got out of bed. I was in pink pajamas. I would have to remind Jill not to do that. I looked around the room and found it utterly feminine. It was as if I was in a girl’s room. I shook my head and went to the bathroom. It had been completely redone with Jill’s things all over the place. We would have to talk about this, too.
I then looked at myself in the mirror and saw a woman’s face. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time. I washed my face thinking it was make-up from when Jill cross dressed. As it turned out, there wasn’t any make-up on my face. My face had been feminized yet still looked familiar. I touched my hair. It wasn’t a wig or hair extensions.
Fear and anxiety suddenly gripped me. I tore off my pajamas and found myself wearing a white bra and panties. I took off my bra and stared in the mirror. Was I dreaming? How was this possible? On my chest were B-cup breasts with normal sized nipples. I held them in my hands realizing they were real. These weren’t fake breasts attached to my chest using adhesives. These were real and a part of me. I pinched them and felt pain.
I then slowly took off my underwear fearing the worst. I looked down and nearly shrieked. My cock and balls were gone, completely missing. I felt for it and found the entrance to a female vagina. I looked over my body and saw a perfectly female body. My breasts, waist, and hips made for a perfect hour glass figure, my body was hairless and was much slimmer than before.
“Is this magic?” I wondered out loud.
“No, just modern medical science,” Jill said approaching me naked.
I looked at her and saw a mirror image of myself. “You’re back! I have missed you. I am so happy you finally came out of it,” she said happily. If she could hug me, she would.
“What have you done to me?” I demanded stunned.
“Jack, you were gone,” she muttered.
“What have you done!” I shouted at her.
“Keep your voice down. People will hear,” she said.
“I don’t give a fuck. Why do I look like this?” I pressed her.
“I did it. I underwent hormone therapy and had the surgery to make me a woman,” she said.
I noticed an almost undetectable scar under her breasts where the implants had been placed under the skin. “You had no right,” I said angrily.
“Look, you were gone,” she repeated. “How long was I supposed to wait for you? Did you think I was going to live my whole life trapped in the body of a man on the chance you would come back?”
“How long was I out for?” I demanded.
“Five years,” she said flatly.
I looked at her stunned. Five years of my life gone. “How?” I wondered.
“After the crash, you never woke up. I don’t know why you decided today to just wake up,” Jill said.
I looked at her as realization hit me. I could never recover from the damage Jill had done to my body. My cock was gone. I would never be able to fuck a woman, impregnate her, and be a husband and father. I would never be the dominant partner in the relationship. I was no longer the dominant person in my own mind!
“You’re freaking out,” Jill told me.
“Of course, I am,” I said. “I just woke up to find myself a woman and not even a real one.”
“That’s not fair. I live as a woman 24/7 now and everyone around me recognizes that fact,” she said.
“You cut off my balls. How are we supposed to have kids now?” I demanded.
“For your information, I saved some of your sperm for later use. We can always adopt, too,” she said.
“It’s not the same,” I said filled with self-pity.
“You wanted some mystical power where you can impregnate a woman with your cock?” she asked.
“Yes, that’s what I wanted,” I said.
“Join the club. Do you realize how frustrating it is for me to have a man cum inside me knowing it will never create anything?”
“How many men have you fucked in the last five years?” I demanded.
“Just one, asshole,” she said offended.
I then noticed the ring on her finger and then realized it was also on my finger. It was a diamond engagement ring. “No way,” I realized.
“We’ve been engaged for over two years now. We’re going to get married, soon,” she told me.
“It’s Chris isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said simply.
“I can’t get married to a man. This is crazy,” I resisted.
“Look, we’ll work something out, alright. Maybe we can negotiate an open marriage. I will have Chris and you can find some Lesbian out there,” she suggested.
“I can’t deal with this. You’ve ruined my life,” I said.
“Ruined your life? I finished our degree, got a decent job, and got engaged to a wonderful man while also undergoing a transition. I think I’ve done well for myself,” Jill said offended.
“I hate you. I wish I never had you,” I shouted at her.
She glared at me. “Look fucker, we’ve been together for twenty years. You’re the one that bailed out on me leaving me alone for five years. You never treated me as an equal. You didn’t even consider me real. Our parents tried to get rid of me. Do you know how that feels?” she asked angrily.
“Look, if we agree to change us back to before, I’ll agree that you can have sex with men. I can be a gay man, fuck it,” I proposed.
“You’re not in any position to bargain, Jack. Our parents spent a lot of money for me to transition, and they’re not just going to hand us thousands of dollars to turn us back. And we’re not going to find a gay man interested in a man that has no cock,” she said.
“And did you forget that I am engaged now. I’m not throwing that away,” she said obviously.
“Maybe, I’ll just fall asleep and hopefully never wake up. This is your show,” I relented and flopped on the bed.
“Fuck you, Jack. We work as a team. We’re going to have a great career, raise a family, and live a good life. I tolerated it when you fucked girls, and you’re going to tolerate it when I fuck my husband. Maybe, we can work something out with you. But in the meantime, you’re not going to fuck this up for me,” she said to me.
I simply looked at her stunned. “Alright,” I said.
“Put on some clothes. I don’t like standing around like this naked. It’s weird,” she said.
I reluctantly put her underwear back on but couldn’t manage to get the bra on. “It’s not that difficult,” Jill said teaching me how to put it on.
“It feels weird,” I said putting it on.
“It’s restrictive, but you don’t want them flopping around,” Jill said.
“These things are useless other than to attract men,” I muttered.
“Not true. Other women enjoy looking at them, too. Being attractive has professional perks,” she said.
I put on my pajamas and explored the room with Jill following me. I looked through the closet and saw only feminine clothes. “Your clothes were donated away years ago,” she told me.
“Great,” I muttered.
I looked over at my computer and saw that the date was more than five years into the future. The laptop was different and more advanced. “Your old laptop was thrown away years ago. I saved our picture portfolio,” she said.
I sat down at the laptop. “Password, please,” I requested.
She told me the password and I looked at the desktop. It was a new operating system I didn’t care for. I went into the picture folder and started looking through them. I went as far back as I could and found pictures several months after the accident. I saw summer vacation photos of Jill with my parents.
“They grieved for you, Jack. I waited two years until I started transitioning. There was no sign of your return,” she said.
I then saw pictures of Jill with Chris in different locations and then I saw Jill’s graduation photos. These were supposed to be my moments. I had lost everything. I then saw the proposal pictures of Chris and Jill. It was on a mountain top with Chris on one knee and Jill acting surprised. I had no right to ruin Jill’s happiness. I was fucked up.
“Find me some clothes to wear and make them black,” I ordered.
Jill placed several black outfits on my bed for me to choose from. I simply picked black pants and a black coat. “You look like you’re headed to a funeral,” she remarked.
I said nothing. “You will want this,” Jill pointed to a black purse.
I looked inside and saw that all my cards were changed to Jill. My driver’s license had a recent photo of Jill’s face and her new legal name. “You have no idea how much paperwork I had to do to change our name, legally,” she said.
“I bet,” I muttered.
I walked through the small house and saw Chris watching TV. I tried to avoid him like the plague. “Hi, honey. Where you off to?” he asked.
“Don’t fuck this up for me,” Jill warned.
“Just going to the store. I’ll be back soon,” I said sweetly.
“Your voice sounds hoarse. You getting a cold?” he asked.
“You know, that’s why I’m going,” I replied.
I walked outside and saw a truck and a car. “You own the car,” Jill pointed out.
I entered the car and studied the controls briefly. “We need to work on your voice,” Jill said.
“Right, whatever,” I said as Jill materialized in the passenger seat.
I was still in the college town but there were some slight differences as I drove around. “Where is she?” I demanded of Jill.
“Come on, Jack,” she protested.
“Tell me or no deal,” I threatened.
She then told me the street address. I drove to the local cemetery and parked my car. “Now, tell me where it is,” I ordered.
She sighed and pointed out the place. I walked through the tombstones until I found it. The gravestone had her name and death date. There was a picture of Maria leaning against the stone. “I went to the funeral as you,” Jill said.
“Thanks,” I said sincerely.
“Did anyone blame me?” I asked.
“No,” Jill said flatly.
I couldn’t tell if she were telling me the truth or not. “Alright, we work as a team,” I said offering Jill my hand. The mental projection of her placed her hand next to mine.
“Glad to have you back.”
I went back to my car and sat inside for a few moments. “What’s the deal with the house?” I asked.
“We’re renting it,” she answered.
“Is Chris gay?” I asked.
“Not at all,” she smiled amused. “He knows of my transitioning. He never met you as you,” she said.
“Did we have sex before you cut our dick off?” I asked rudely.
“First of all, I didn’t cut it off. I inverted it. It’s still there. Second, yes, we did have sex before my surgery,” she admitted.
“So, that makes him gay,” I clarified.
“You should stop labeling people. Technically, you’re gay, too,” she said annoyed.
“It’s a simple question. Did he or did he not put his dick in your ass?” I asked bluntly.
“Yes, but it was like male-female sex,” she said. “I never put your dick in his ass.”
“Did he suck your cock?” I continued.
“Yeah, but I sucked his cock too,” she said.
“Sounds pretty gay,” I rolled my eyes.
“What does it matter?” she asked flustered.
“I just want to know what I’m dealing with,” I said. “Does he know you fucked girls?”
“No,” she said lamely.
“Why didn’t you tell him that?” I asked amused.
“Because it wasn’t relevant and it wasn’t me anyhow,” she argued.
“Is he aware of us?” I asked.
“No,” she said again.
“For God’s sake, don’t you think that’s important for him to know before the wedding?” I asked.
“You were gone, and I didn’t know whether you would come back. I wasn’t schizophrenic when I dated him,” she said defensively.
“Do we tell him now?” I asked.
“No…yes…I don’t know,” she said uncertain.
“Look, what the fuck, I could be gone again for another five years after today. Maybe today was just a fluke. We act like nothing happened,” I said.
“Alright,” Jill agreed.
I drove up to the house and went inside. Chris was still watching TV, a football game. “Hey, do you want to watch the game with me?” he asked.
I turned to Jill who shrugged. I gave her an annoyed expression. “Sure,” I agreed.
I sat in the rocking chair and watched the game. I enjoyed watching football but after five years the players were different from what I remembered. I took out a notepad from my purse and began writing down questions.
“What is his favorite team?” I asked.
“The Patriots,” she said to me.
I tried to hide my look of disgust. The game I was watching was a Patriots game where they were easily beating the Dolphins.
“Does he like beer?” I wrote.
“Sure,” Jill replied.
“You want a beer?” I asked Chris.
“That would be great, thanks,” Chris said appreciatively.
I went into the kitchen and opened it. Most of my favorite foods were there. Jill and I had the same tastes. There was a twelve pack of beer. “He drink a lot?” I asked softly.
“No, not really,” she said.
I took out a beer and went back to the living room. “Thanks, honey,” he smiled as I gave it to him. “Why don’t you sit with me, and we can watch the game together,” he said.
I complied sitting next to him and hoped his team would somehow lose. He put his arm around me making me very uncomfortable. Jill sat on the couch next to us with an anxious face. I took out my new advanced smart-phone and started texting to myself.
“What’s with the phone?” he asked.
“I am using the NFL app to monitor the stats,” I lied and then quickly downloaded the app to cover my tracks.
“That’s cool,” he said sipping his beer.
Inevitably, the Patriots scored a touchdown. Chris was on his feet expressing joy and victory. I just sat there awkwardly while Jill winced. “It’s great,” I said insincerely.
He sat back down again and kissed me on the lips. I was stupefied but didn’t resist. I had never been kissed by a man before. The kiss only lasted a second but its impact could be felt. My body was energized and jittery. I was nervous and aroused all at the same time.
The rest of the game was uneventful. We had dinner together and found that we worked well as a team. Of course, Jill was helping me the entire time. By evening, I went to sleep early as usual.
When I woke up, I was naked with Chris in bed next to me. He was naked too but sound asleep. “Oh my God!” I said to myself.
I got out of bed and prepared to take a shower; anything that would purify me from what had just happened. “It’s not a big deal. We do it all the time, now,” Jill said naked in front of me.
“Did you plan this?” I accused.
“No, it just happened, spontaneously,” she smiled.
“Did you suck his cock?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Jill admitted.
I immediately took toothpaste and brushed my teeth thoroughly. Jill merely smirked as I got every tooth. I then looked closely in the mirror to see if any rogue hairs had grown on my face. There was nothing. “You don’t have to worry about shaving ever again,” she assured me.
I finished my routine and then went into the shower. I had to get the taint of that man off me. I felt like Jim Carey, needing to light my clothes on fire and take a long cold shower. The door then opened and in stepped in Chris.
“You weren’t going to shower without me, were you?” he asked playfully.
I was horrified. There was no way to escape. Even Jill gave me the “you’re fucked” look. “I just wanted to let you sleep,” I said sweetly.
“I’m wide awake now,” he assured me and then entered the shower.
I gave him the elevator eyes as I saw his large feet, his thick legs, his cock and balls, smooth stomach, muscular pectorals, strong-looking arms, and confident masculine face. He was everything I wasn’t or could be. Even as a man, I couldn’t have reached such a level. For a moment, I felt embarrassed as if I were competing with him.
“You look beautiful,” he said and then kissed me lovingly.
I kissed him back but felt weird doing it. This was now the first time I had kissed a man while naked. We were dangerously close to doing something sexual. “You look good, too,” I said lamely.
“Let me wash you up,” he offered and then took my feminine body wash. He rubbed me all over making me feel weird inside. I didn’t have a dick that would become erect. Instead, it felt like a phantom dick wanted to be stroked. He touched and squeezed my breasts and then touched around my vulva. I knew that soon I would be washing him.
“Let me get your back,” he said and then gave me a great back rub. “You feel so tense,” he said as he felt my back and shoulders.
“Can you loosen them up?” I asked.
He complied giving me a great massage as the warm water poured over me. He washed my back and then touched my butt. Some part of me, perhaps deep down in my subconscious, wanted me to just bend over and have him take me. I resisted the urge and turned around. I started washing his body and realized that he was completely erect. I figured there were only three solutions. I could have him fuck me in the shower, I could suck his cock, or I could give him a hand job. Taking the body wash, I started rubbing his cock. He smiled at me as I rubbed him the same way I liked to rub myself. Within a few minutes, he came in the shower.
Realization then hit me. I had just jacked a guy off. “Thank you, Jill,” he said appreciatively and kissed me.
Chris exited the shower first while I worked on my hair. Jill then materialized in the shower and gave me a thumbs up. “This isn’t supposed to happen,” I whispered to her.
“What did you think would happen? Do you think he’s only going to love you at night?” she asked.
It was a good point. “Help me with this hair,” I asked her.
I finished brushing my hair and then went into the bedroom to put something on. Jill picked out the clothes from the closet, and I simply put them on. I felt like a prisoner with a strange man as my jailer.
To avoid seeing Chris, I worked longer hours at the office. Jill and I worked as a team for maximum efficiency. I quickly learned how to do her marketing job. Once I was done with my work, I started working on other people’s work; anything that would give me purpose and keep me from having to go home. By 6 p.m., I was exhausted and handed my life over to Jill.
The next day, I would wake up early using an alarm and went to work early avoiding Chris. “You’re being a bitch,” Jill said as I drove to work.
“What now?” I asked.
“Chris and I would often have breakfast together or at the very least chat before I would go to work,” Jill said scornfully.
“Give me a break,” I said.
I arrived at a coffee shop and read the newspaper. Occasionally, a pretty woman would come in. At least, I still had my sexuality. Jill picked the women apart telling me flaws I had missed. “They’re not Lesbians anyway,” she said to me.
My odds weren’t good. I had a small chance of successfully finding a Lesbian randomly. I would have to find them either by using the Internet or a Lesbian bar in town. While at work, I found several Lesbian dating profiles in the town.
“It’s cheating,” Jill accused.
I typed my responses on the computer. “We are two different people,” I said.
“That’s not how everyone else is going to see it,” she replied.
“Then we tell Chris the truth,” I said.
“No way. He would freak. I am lucky to have someone who tolerates me as I am now,” she said.
“If he is understanding about that, he should be understanding about this,” I reasoned.
“No, it’s different. We’re admitting to him that half the day we are a man in a woman’s body that isn’t interested in him. No one wants a lover half the day and a stranger the other half.”
“So, we just don’t get caught,” I said simply.
On the weekends, I couldn’t use work as an excuse to stay away from Chris. We discussed wedding plans with Jill telling me what to say the entire time. I really didn’t give a shit about the planning. As far I was concerned, I wasn’t the one getting married.
I maneuvered the day so Chris wouldn’t be too affectionate towards me. At night, Jill over compensated for me being a “bitch.” On one particular weekend, I went to visit my father at the golf course. He was the most tolerant father a person could ask for. He didn’t mind that his son was schizophrenic and then he tolerated me transitioning into a woman.
“I’m surprised you didn’t invite Chris,” my father said.
“I prefer to have more one-on-one time,” I said.
“Any trouble between you two?” he asked.
“No,” I lied.
I swung the golf club expertly sending the golf ball across the field. “Nice swing, son,” my father said.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You fucked up,” Jill muttered to me.
“I…,” I stammered.
“Jack? Is that you?” my father asked astounded.
“Yeah, dad,” I admitted.
“How long?” my father asked.
“Just a few weeks ago,” I said.
“Wow, what happened with you?” my father questioned.
“I don’t know. I was there in the accident and then I woke up in bed five years later,” I said.
“A lot has happened in five years,” my father noted.
“I know,” I replied.
“Is Jill still there?” he asked, and I could tell that he was scared she was gone forever.
“She’s still with me,” I answered.
“You know, I love you both,” my father assured me.
“I know, dad,” I said.
“How are you with Chris?” my father asked.
“Well, you know, we’re best buds,” I lied.
“That bad,” my father grimaced. “You’re going to get married, Jill, I mean.”
“Yeah, I’m just going with the flow,” I admitted.
“Do you blame us for allowing Jill to transition?” he asked.
“No, I was gone with no hope of returning. It was the logical decision,” I allowed.
“If you and Jill decide to go back, we can help you,” my father offered.
“No, I think one sex change is enough for a lifetime,” I joked.
We discussed many other things and for the first time in five years, I beat my dad on the course.
It was not always the case that I was up in the day and Jill was up at night. It could easily be switched around, which we did. Jill went to work and then I went over to a Lesbian bar for a first-time experience. I was half-expecting most of them to look like dudes and the other half to be unattractive and fat. I was pleasantly surprised that they generally looked like normal college girls. I felt a little self-conscious entering wondering if anyone would suspect me.
I tried to keep cool and ordered a drink. There were only women in the bar, and I was paranoid that they were all looking at me. A man might not be able to tell the difference between a genetic woman and a transsexual but maybe a woman could.
“Chill out, dude,” Jill said sitting at the bar next to me.
“You’re a newcomer,” an attractive brunet said sitting to my other side.
“That’s true,” I said taking a sip of my drink.
“You just here to avoid rude men or are you queer?” she asked boldly.
“Oh, I am very queer,” I smiled. Jill started laughing behind me.
“You’ve ever been with a woman before?” she asked.
“A few,” I said truthfully.
“You go to school here?” she asked becoming interested in me.
“Actually, I have my BA already, and I work at a marketing firm,” I said.
“Cool, I’m a junior studying biology,” she said.
“I have taken some biology courses, and I take excellent notes,” I said smirking.
She bit her lip and hesitated. “Show me,” she said finally giving me a flirtatious smile.
“You got her,” Jill smiled as we got into my car. Jill got into the backseat and wasn’t too pleased being in the back. However, I couldn’t tell my lovely date that she had to sit in the back to make room for Jill. That just wouldn’t work out.
We drove to her place and made small talk. Soon thereafter, we were taking our clothes off and making out as if we hadn’t made love in years which was true. I took off her bra and went after her nipples. We threw our clothes on the floor and got naked. It seemed so easy, so right. I couldn’t get her pregnant and getting an STD was rare. I did to her what I would do if I were a guy except without the penis. I engaged in foreplay kissing her and caressing her breasts. I placed my vulva on top of hers and grinded together as if I still had a cock. She moaned in pleasure while I stayed mainly silent. I wasn’t practiced or accustomed to vocalizing during sex. I placed two fingers inside her and got her good and wet. She bucked against my fingers and then finally clenched down on them. She cried out as her orgasm went through her.
“That was nice,” she said kissing me. “Let me go down on you,” she offered.
I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Would she discover something wrong? She put her lips to my clit and started kissing and licking me. I had to admit it felt pretty good. Not enough to get me to an orgasm but pleasant none-the-less. After an extended period of time, I faked an orgasm, so it would be my turn. That night, my new Lesbian girlfriend was satisfied. My male ego received the boost it needed.
Although Lesbian sex had been enjoyable, it was not the same as when I was a man. I decided to buy a fake cock. Every so often, I went to the lesbian bar and picked up a girl. Many of them were sex-starved for there was a lack of sexual partners to go around. There was also this awkward thing going around where two women would talk but never muster the courage to make the first move.
I went to a blonde’s apartment and then had a great time using my fake cock. Sex was nearly the same except I had breasts and a smaller body. Did I get an orgasm of my own? No, but that wasn’t really the mission.
Eventually, all good things come to an end. Despite two heads working as one, Chris caught on to what I was doing. He spotted me entering the Lesbian club and took a picture. Once I came home late at night, he confronted me on it.
“What is this about?” he asked showing me a picture of me entering the club.
“Oh fuck!” Jill said realizing we were caught.
“What about it? I like to drink there,” I said coldly.
“Are you a Lesbian? I saw you leave with a girl,” he accused and showed me another picture of me leaving with a girl.
“She’s just a friend,” I lied. “I go to this bar to avoid male attention. I figured you would like that,” I said.
“What’s wrong with us going out together? You’ve been distant,” he said. “I think you’re cheating on me.”
Jill was freaking out, but I kept my cool. “Alright, Chris. The truth is that I am not Jill. Not now, anyway,” I said.
“What?” he asked confused.
“I’m schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. I was born with two distinct personalities, one of which was Jill. Five years ago, I disappeared after a traumatic car accident. Now, I’m back. I’m sorry, Chris. I don’t love you,” I said bluntly.
“What is your name?” he asked me.
“My name is Jack.”
I explained to him everything that had been happening. It was the only way to save Jill’s relationship with Chris. All the blame, and rightfully so, had to be placed on me. “When will Jill return?” Chris asked.
“When I go to sleep. It’s not a sudden thing,” I said.
“I need to talk to Jill,” he said.
“Fine,” I said and then went to sleep.
The next morning, I half expected everything to be a disaster. Surprisingly, I found myself naked with a naked Chris near me. “Really?” I said to myself.
“We had the best make-up sex ever,” Jill gushed.
“I bet you did,” I grumbled.
I brushed my teeth and took my shower. I then purposefully waited for Chris to wake up, so we could have breakfast together. He eventually did and sat across from me. “I gather you’re Jack, now?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
Jill and I had a chat. “Do you know what we talked about?” he asked.
“No, go ahead,” I said.
“Okay, so we discussed what we’re going to do. The wedding is still on, but I have decided I need to be understanding about your needs,” Chris said politely.
“Okay,” I said.
“I understand that you’re a straight male in the body of a female. It would stress me out if I were in your position. I’m not going to try to turn you gay or try to get you to like me,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Still, it’s damn confusing for me. I don’t know whether I am talking with Jill or Jack. So, I have developed a system to help me out. When you’re Jack, wear a black t-shirt. When you’re Jill, you will wear anything else. That way I can tell who I am talking with,” he said.
“Fair enough,” I said.
“Look, man. For the last few years, it’s just been Jill and I. We never had to share with anyone else. It’s hard for me to accept that I can only be with Jill half the time, now,” he said.
“I understand,” I said sincerely.
“So, its agreed?” he asked.
“Agreed,” I said.
I followed through either wearing a black t-shirt or a black outfit to make it obvious it was me. Jill thought it was a good idea but didn’t like that she could no longer wear black anymore. I didn’t care for fashion; black everyday was fine.
Chris stopped trying to be loving to me when I wore black. It was difficult at first, but he quickly adapted. He never kissed, hugged, or touched me when I was in black. Instead, he acted like my best friend. We would drink beer, watch football, play pool games, go to the gym, and other masculine activities. After a few weeks of this, Chris seemed like a cool guy. As for me, I didn’t go back to the Lesbian bar or any of my Lesbian girlfriends. The thrill was gone.
The wedding plans continued although I had little to do with the plans. It didn’t seem right for me to make decisions on Jill’s behalf. Chris and I showed up to get fitted into the wedding dress. I was wearing a black outfit so there was no confusion. Jill was beside me the entire time. I looked at the wedding dress uncertain.
“Let’s see how it looks,” Jill said excitedly.
I rolled my eyes and put the dress on. Chris took some camera shots, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt like I was an actor in a play. How could I be a bride? The whole idea was absurd. “Well?” I asked Jill.
Jill directed me to move in various ways to get a better angle or look. Chris seemed to notice I was talking very softly to myself. “Does she like it?” Chris asked.
“Yes, let’s get this off,” I said uncomfortable.
“Thanks,” Chris said appreciatively.
We then walked around the various stores killing time. We entered a comic book store and had a lively discussion about characters and movies. We didn’t say anything remotely romantic or sexual but my body was responding positively to him. I started to feel anxious and excited around him. Was I losing myself?
It didn’t seem to matter what masculine activity I did, the feeling continued to come up. We would go to the gym and compete with each other on who was the fastest runner. We also played racquetball and again, he was better. I didn’t know if we were truly close or whether he was trying to be nice. Later, I realized he was indeed lowering his abilities. As he saw me more-and-more as a male roommate, he started to kick my ass.
At the house, we played video games and engaged in drinking contests when watching movies. I would get drunk a lot easier than him due to the weight and size difference. It was during these drunk sessions that I almost did something stupid. Jill reminded me at the last moment not to kiss him. We also went to the movies and watched gory horror movies. I half-expected Chris to put his arm around my shoulder, but he didn’t.
On the other hand, he was very loving to Jill as if he were over compensating. Did I feel jealous? I wasn’t sure. I felt conflicted and in limbo.
One night, I went to a bar with him. It was couple’s trivia night. I decided to go for the chance of showing my mental power. As we were given the questions, Jill and I worked together to put down the best answers. Chris noted that I was using both my right and left hand at the same time on the note cards. Just because I had two minds didn’t mean I would know every answer. Chris helped as well and occasionally we did get an answer wrong. We ended up winning on the last question, and I pretended to be excited. I gave Chris a hug and kiss on the lips. We got some lame gift certificate and exited the bar.
“You’re still Jack, right?” he asked once we got to the car.
“Yeah,” I said.
“What was that?” Chris asked amused referring to the kiss.
“Just what would have expected of us,” I downplayed.
“Right?” he smirked.
“You’re drunk,” I said and then drove us back home.
At work, things got better as well for us. I came into my boss’ office for a performance review. It was all positive. My productivity had increased quite a bit since I showed up. At the end, I decided to shake it up a bit. “I want a raise,” I said boldly.
“What?” my boss asked confused.
“Yeah, I’m going to get married soon, and I’m thinking about getting myself pregnant,” I bluffed.
“That’s wonderful,” my boss said.
“Yeah, so, either I get a raise or I walk,” I said.
My boss smiled uncomfortably at me. “I think there’s room for negotiation,” he relented.
I exited my boss’ office victorious. “How did you do that? That was so cool!” Jill said.
“It helps when you don’t give a shit,” I told her.
“Wait, you could have gotten me fired,” Jill accused.
I shrugged and went over to my computer. Was I more confident than Jill when it came to the boss? Perhaps, but it had more to do with the fact that Jill allowed herself to become friends with her boss. I didn’t care for him and that was the difference. I also had no problem ratting out all of my lazy co-workers that all had given congratulations for her engagement. I was a cold-hearted bastard with no friends or significant others. I was alone.
The wedding was tricky business. The ceremony and reception itself would last all day and then the “wedding night” would presumably be all night. “How are we going to time this correctly?” I asked Jill.
“We could have you do the ceremony and reception and then I have Chris at night,” she smirked.
“Fuck that. You have to be at the wedding. It’s your special day,” I corrected.
“So, you end up with Chris at night?” Jill wondered and then grinned at the prospect.
“You do the vows, I do the reception, and then you have Chris at night,” I suggested.
“Can we manage it?” Jill asked uncertain.
“I guess we will see,” I said.
Jill then smirked. “You’re going to enjoy the bachelorette party.”
“No way,” I refused.
That night, Jill made sure I was perfect in a black dress. I put on black high-heels and immediately found myself uncomfortable. Jill then helped me make sure my hair was right. I was wearing earrings and my engagement ring.
“That was fast,” Chris smirked as I finished. He was dressed in a suit with his other male friends.
“Women take so long just to make men intentionally wait for them,” I told him.
“How could you expose our secrets,” Jill said appalled.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Chris smiled at me.
“There will be more girls at my party than yours,” I shot back.
“That’s the spirit,” Chris said amused. “By the way, you look good.”
“I appreciate your opinion,” I said sarcastically.
I then went outside and entered my car. “You’re not concerned about what he will do, tonight?” I asked Jill.
“It won’t be as nearly as bad as what we’ve done,” she pointed out.
I nodded and then drove to the nightclub. Over the last five years, Jill had acquired a number of girlfriends. Some were from work and others were from the university. Chris’ sister was also present, so I had to be on my best behavior.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said.
“Hey, bride-to-be, you’re supposed to wear white,” Chris’ sister said playfully.
“Not tonight. I’m being bad,” I said obnoxiously.
“You better prove it,” she said amused.
I went inside and realized early on that it was lady’s night. There were some male professional dancers that didn’t appeal to me. What interested me were the several dozen women in the club; so many to choose from. I was a Lesbian in a nightclub filled with straight women. It was the epitome of sexual frustration. I needed a drink.
After a few drinks, I felt comfortable enough to be chatty with the girls. I couldn’t see Jill in the crowded nightclub, but I did hear her voice in my head. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but Jill became less-and-less a presence in my head. That’s when a stripper approached me.
“May I have this dance,” he smiled at me.
I complied but my mind was in turmoil. The stripper’s face and voice was the same as mine from five years ago. I tried to get confirmation from Jill that this was a real person and not a hallucination. No such luck; she was gone. I decided to go with it and danced with the stripper that had my male face. The stripper then departed from me after the dance, and I saw his normal looking face. I then saw myself in a suit walking around behind the laughing women. He smirked at me in amusement.
At the end of the night, I took a cab back to my house. “Here we are,” the cab driver said.
I gave him some cash from my purse and stumbled my way out of the car. As I looked back, I saw my face on the cab driver’s face.
I made my way into the house and found it empty. Chris hadn’t come back yet. “Jill?” I asked.
“Jill isn’t here,” my male self said on the couch.
I stared at him. “You’re not real.”
“That’s rich coming from you. What’s real about you?” he said walking over to me. “Is this face real? Are these breasts real?” he asked rhetorically.
“There’s only room for two personalities in this head, asshole,” I said to him.
“You’re right about that. Jill is perfectly feminine, and I am her counterpart. There’s no room for you, Jacky,” he said.
“What did you call me?” I demanded of him.
“I am Jack and you’re Jacky. This is the consequence of trying to fit in. Did you think two female personalities could fit inside a male’s mind?” he asked.
“I am male,” I clarified.
“No, you’re not. You dress like a woman, kiss and dance with men, and soon you will consciously decide to marry a man. The real Jack would never allow this,” Jack said.
“I am doing this marriage as appreciation for Jill these last five years,” I said.
“Or perhaps you lack the courage to do what is necessary,” Jack said.
“Look, we lost, alright. Jill went through with the sex change and no amount of surgery is going to get our cock and balls back,” I argued.
“You haven’t tried,” he accused.
“I don’t have to listen to you. There’s only two allowed in my head. You weren’t invited,” I said ignoring him.
I then went to sleep exhausted in both mind and body.
I woke up and put on a black t-shirt as part of my routine. Jill was nowhere to be found. Instead, Jack in my male body gave me a sneer. “Where is Jill?” I demanded of him.
“She’s gone. It’s now us, buddy,” he said to me. “You went too far deep. You’re now my feminine personality, and I have replaced you as the masculine.”
“That can’t be true,” I doubted.
“It can’t? You were gone for five years. Maybe, Jill will be gone for five,” he suggested.
I walked up to him. “You can go fuck yourself.”
“Oh, I wish I could,” he smiled.
I ignored him and did my morning routine. “With Jill gone, you don’t have to go through with the wedding. That’s the reason you’re going to do it, right?” he asked.
He had a point. “What do you suggest we do instead?” I humored him.
“We break up with Chris, and we find ourselves a Lesbian girlfriend,” he suggested.
“To what end?” I asked.
“What do you mean? You act as if getting married and having kids is the only pathway,” he said. “Jill stored your sperm. We can still get some girl knocked up and have your heir. Don’t you want a kid of your own with a woman by your side?” he asked.
I put down my tooth brush. “When you’re right, you’re right,” I had to admit. “How shall we break it to Chris?”
“Break it off at the altar. Make him cry like a bitch,” Jack suggested.
I smirked. “Alright.”
I went out to meet Chris for breakfast. “How was last night?” he asked.
“A lot of good-looking women,” I smiled.
“I bet. Is Jill ready?” he asked.
“Yeah, we got it all figured out,” I lied.
“Good, I’ll see you there,” he smiled and then shook my hand as if we were best bros. I almost felt sorry for the poor guy.
What followed was a scheduled routine where I would get my hair and make-up done and then I would get into my wedding dress. Jack was by my side making joking comments every so often. It really helped ease the awkwardness. I then met my parents who told me how proud they were of me and what not.
My mother wasn’t aware that I had returned but my father did see the black ring on my right hand. “Knock-em dead, son,” he said softly and shook my hand.
“I will,” I promised.
“Is Jill going to show up?” my father asked.
“Soon, it’s all going according to plan.”
Now, at this point you’re probably thinking Jack and I are assholes for ruining this moment. You have to understand that it was Jill that decided to get me a sex change and marry this guy without my consent. Sure, she was alone for five years but marriage was supposed to last a lifetime. If I divorced him a few years later, Jill would contradict me, and we would fight over it continually in the courts. Then, I really would end up in the asylum. It was also premature at this point, but Jill might never return. That would defeat the whole purpose for marrying Chris in the first place.
Jack was dressed in a tuxedo and gave me an approving look as my dress was finished. As part of the plan, I took off the black ring indicating to Chris, Jill had returned. “Nice,” Jack approved.
I then ventured out with my bride’s maids and went to the grass field. Rows of chairs were set up for family and friends. My father was present in the back to give me away. He noted the lack of the black ring. “Your mother and I love you, Jill,” he said to me.
“Thank you for being there for me. I haven’t been easy to deal with,” I said sincerely.
“It’s been interesting,” my father smiled.
The music played and my father took me down the aisle towards Chris and the minister. My father let me go, and I walked by myself those profound steps. Jack walked besides me. This would be our greatest performance, yet. Chris smiled at me and then we both faced the minister.
He said a number of platitudes making me impatient for him to get to the end. “Do you, Chris ___, take this woman as your wife?” the minister asked finally.
“I do,” he said.
“And do you Jill___, take this man as your husband?” the minister turned to me.
Time seemed to stop still as he asked the fateful question. I could see Chris’ loving eyes. I could see Jack’s smug expression. I could see my parent’s proud eyes. I could even see Maria’s smile somehow.
“For Jill,” I thought to myself.
“I do,” I answered.
The crowd immediately applauded. “You may kiss the bride,” the minister smiled.
Chris kissed me on the lips and this time I kissed him back with loving sincerity. Jack gave me a furious expression of raw hate but became lost in the sea of people wanting to congratulate us and take pictures of us. I could still hear his screams of outrage and anguish in my head. It didn’t matter. Nothing would stop me from enjoying this day.
At the reception, I tried to stay awake but fatigue was overtaking me. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened. I went to the bathroom and found myself alone. I looked at my tired face knowing it would be too risky to doze off. Evil Jack would then take over and fuck it all up. Why did I have to be such an ass? I then saw her in the mirror.
“Jill?” I asked.
“Of course it is,” she said obviously. She was also wearing a wedding dress.
“I thought you were gone,” I said becoming emotional.
“Don’t cry. It’ll mess up the make-up,” she told me.
“I nearly fucked it up,” I admitted.
“But you didn’t, Jack,” she said happily. “I don’t know what happened, but I was out for a long time.
Sorry about that,” she said.
“Don’t call me Jack, alright. Call me Jacky,” I said.
“Okay, Jacky,” she smiled at me. “Have I gained a sister, now?” she asked.
“We both have,” I replied.
I woke up and found myself in a hotel room. I was sitting on a chair still in my wedding dress. I must have dozed off. “Really, Jill,” I wondered.
I then noticed the black ring was on my finger. Jill had been pretending to be me at the reception to give Chris the impression he had married Jill instead of me. I suddenly felt terrified. Why did Jill have to do this to me? Chris exited the bathroom. He had his suit jacket off and had taken off his bow tie. This was not going according to plan!
“You took on that reception like a champ. No one realized you weren’t Jill,” Chris complimented.
I walked up to Chris and slowly took the black ring off. “Tell me all about it,” I asked.
Chris simply stared at me. “It’s not really important,” he said and then kissed me passionately. He gently held the back of my head as he placed his tongue inside my mouth. I felt sparks of pleasure on my lips. I didn’t want it to end.
“Let’s get you out of this dress,” he said.
“I’ll need your help,” I said softly.
He went behind me and worked on the zipper. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride where I knew the end result would be excitement or terror. I was working my way to the top of the hill anticipating the plunge. The wedding dress came down around my ankles. I carefully stepped out of it and placed it on the couch.
“Take his tux off. He likes it when I undress him,” Jill said to me.
I tried to ignore her and reached for Chris’ shirt. I carefully unbuttoned the shirt and saw his bare chest. Somehow, it appeared differently to me this time than when we were in the shower those weeks ago. He took off the shirt and let it fall to the floor. I then reached for his belt and took it off. I was inevitably proceeding towards an unknown destination.
“Don’t be such a coward. Get those pants down, already,” Jill teased.
I was no coward. I took hold of Chris’ pants and brought the zipper down. I took his pants and brought them down over his hips so that they fell to the floor. I could see his erection through his underwear. I was going to be fucked, tonight. I was going to be fucked by a man.
Chris reached behind me and expertly unclasped my bra. “Get on the bed,” Jill instructed me.
I did as she said getting on the bed. Chris took off his underwear freeing his cock. I had never been penetrated before. All my Lesbian lovers had only rubbed or licked me. I wasn’t prepared for something this long and hard to enter me.
Chris went to his hygiene bag and placed a liberal amount of jelly lubricant on his cock. “Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad,” I thought to myself.
I took off my underwear and waited for him to get on top of me. He got on the bed and oriented his cock to my vaginal opening. I couldn’t tell him this was my first time or to be gentle. I was impersonating Jill and the two of them seemed to have sex every other night. Chris placed the head of his cock at my entrance and then slowly pressed forward. With the lubricant, he slid in fairly easily. I felt an odd sense of pressure as he entered me. It was surreal realizing that something that large could fit inside my body.
Once nestled inside, he kissed me lovingly. He seemed to notice my nervous expression. “You act like this is your first time,” he smiled.
“First time as your wife,” I replied with a smile.
He found that amusing and went to work kissing my nipples and holding my breasts. It all felt pleasant but nothing I would call astounding. I just hoped he would start fucking me and cum within five minutes. That’s what I was expecting. Chris took his time while remaining hard as a rock inside me. Every so often, he would move his cock a little to keep himself hard. After a while, I realized I needed to participate to.
I kissed him back and caressed his muscular arms. I pushed my breasts up against his muscular chest and held his back. I moved my hips every so often. He used a hand to rub my clit. He placed his thumb on my clit and gently circled around it. It felt vaguely similar to rubbing the head of my cock when I had one. Although all of this was pleasant, I was beginning to feel impatient.
“Chris,” I whispered in his ear.
“Enough foreplay. I want you to fuck me,” I said to him.
Jill was naked on the couch watching everything that was going on. She put her hands to her mouth as if she couldn’t believe what I had just said. If Chris found out we traded places, that was his problem. He knew what he was getting into.
“Alright, Jill,” Chris allowed and then shifted his weight as he repositioned.
I nervously waited as he positioned himself between my legs. Just five minutes of getting fucked and it would be all over. He kissed me passionately as he was about to begin, and I obliged him in romantic French kissing. He increased his pace, and I immediately felt it. He was rubbing my clit with each thrust and going deep inside me. As he picked up speed, I felt the pleasure mounting. It felt faster than I had ever been able to jack off before. My penis, which was now inverted, was being rubbed continuously. Despite this assault on my senses, I wanted more. I moved my hips with him. I wasn’t just going to lay there and do nothing.
“Put your legs around his hips. It increases the friction,” Jill said to me.
“Okay,” I said to myself.
I put my feminine legs around his waist and held him tightly. The bed shook as he continued to pound into me. Chris was far more forceful than I ever was. “Be a little more vocal,” Jill advised.
“Thanks, coach,” I said in my head.
I never moaned when fucking a girl as a man. If anything, it would be an occasional grunt as I was about to cum. If I moaned, would Chris find it sincere? I couldn’t be silent either. I decided to kiss Chris to make sure he knew I was feeling it. Then, it was like one cerebral hemisphere connected to the other. I didn’t even notice I was doing it at first, but I started to moan and cry out as he fucked me.
Just as I thought he was about to finish, he placed me on my side. I went with the movement as soon as I realized what he wanted to do. He was still on top of me as he penetrated me while I was on my side. I was now feeling areas that hadn’t been stimulated yet and it felt really good. He reached down and started rubbing my clit as he continued thrusting.
My heart rate increased as I panted erotically. He was only supposed to last a few minutes. How long could he last? I looked at Jill for an answer, but she simply shrugged. Was I going to be fucked all night? I had nothing to hold onto while on my side, so I clenched the sheets. He then stopped and rubbed my nipples on my breasts.
“How you doing?” he asked.
“Great,” I said breathlessly.
“Alright, let’s switch it up,” he smiled.
“Switch it up?” I wondered.
“Just lay there. I got this,” he said and withdrew from me. I felt a weird sensation as I felt empty without his cock inside me. My body desperately wanted it back in.
He walked around the bed and then gently put me in position. “You’re going to like this,” Jill assured me.
Chris placed me at the end of the bed and put my legs on his shoulder. I would never have been able to do this as a man but over five years Jill had made us quite flexible. “All that yoga paid off,” Jill grinned.
While standing, he placed his cock at my entrance and pushed inside all the way to the hilt.
“You ready?” he asked with a smile.
I simply nodded. He moved slowly at first and then picked up speed. All the while, he rubbed my clit. In this position, he was in control. The only part of his body that was touching me was his cock. He placed my feet on his shoulders and went full speed.
“Play with your breasts,” Jill advised.
I did as she said rubbing my nipples and caressing my own breasts. Then, it started to build up. My heart rate went up, and I felt something building up in my pelvic area. I knew what it was but couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I was reaching towards a female orgasm of my own. I tried to rationalize it in my mind. It was just my inverted penis giving me a dry orgasm. That was all. Reality was telling me a different story. I was being fucked...fucked by a man with his penis deep inside me. I felt it building in my breasts and through my whole body. I was so close! My goal to just have Chris cum in a few minutes and have it over with had disappeared. This was something I wanted and needed.
“I’m so close, honey,” I said gasping as I said it.
“Don’t worry, I got this,” Chris said to me.
He rubbed my clit with greater intensity and then I felt the inevitable surge. It was going to happen, now. I closed my eyes and cried out as my vagina contracted on him. Chris seemed to notice what was happening to me and increased his pace. I couldn’t speak. I grabbed the sheets and squeezed as tight as I could. I expected it to last a few seconds but it kept going. Finally, I felt my orgasm begin to subside and felt a little fatigued. In appreciation, I kissed Chris passionately forgetting who I had been.
I was no longer Jack who pretended to be a male Lesbian. I had just been fucked by a wonderful man on our wedding night. It was I who had said “I do.” I was no longer a man in any shape or form. I was a bisexual married woman named Jacky. I knew who I was now.
“Chris, you’ve been great. Mind if I choose some of the positions?” I asked.
“By all means, love,” he replied.
That night we tried many different positions. I was on top for a while getting used to the mechanics of setting my own pace. We made love both kneeling on the bed and facing each other. We kissed and he touched my breasts as we gently fucked. Finally, I knew I was being selfish with him.
“Cum inside me,” I said to him and got on all fours.
“You want it rough like usual?” he asked.
I had no idea what he was talking about. Jill simply smirked at me. “Yes, Chris, rough as you can,” I told him.
He grabbed my hips and penetrated me deeply. What followed was my most energetic sexual experience I had ever had. He was quick but also forceful nearly knocking me off balance. He rubbed my clit with one hand while steadying me with the other. As I understood his rhythm, I pushed back against him. He was not holding back working to cum as quickly as possible. It didn’t take long for him to finally release inside me. I felt a man cum inside me for the first time. It was a fast sudden sensation as he filled me up. My knees collapsed from emotional and physical exhaustion.
He stayed inside me resting on my back. “I’m still a little hard,” he said to me.
While I was on my stomach, he continued to pump. I turned my neck to look behind me and kissed him as his cock slowly softened. He had done a great job. Better than anything I could have done. Was it just this wedding knight that he had these magical powers or was it every night? For the first time, I felt regret that this would be the last time I would have him. From this night forward, Jill would be the one to make love to Chris. Unless...we decided to switch for a night.
Chris softened completely, but he wasn’t done with me. He caressed my breasts and kissed me. We continued to cuddle until we both fell asleep.
My name is Jill and Chris is cuddled around my naked body. As much as I enjoyed being in his arms, I had to set things right for us. I took a shower and put on some dark clothes. I placed the black ring on my finger and then dissolved a sleeping pill in a glass of water.
“Oh, Jack?” Chris said groggily.
“You want a glass of water?” I asked.
“Yeah, thank you,” he said. He took my glass of water while I pretended to be disinterested in his naked body.
He drank the whole glass quickly. Marathon sex will do that to a guy. “You were great at the reception especially the dancing part,” he complimented.
I knew what he was talking about, because it was I that was doing the dancing. “Yeah, well, Jill was a good teacher,” I said elevating myself.
“What’s your plan for the day?” Chris asked.
“I’m going to the gym,” I said.
“Sounds great. I’ll join you,” Chris offered.
“Why don’t you get some rest, so you can be fully awake for Jill later,” I suggested.
He shrugged and dozed off back to sleep. A few hours later, I switched with Jacky.
My name is Jacky, and I am going on a long walk. Naturally, Jill was walking besides me. “The whole wedding schedule was fucked up,” I told her.
“I know,” she agreed.
“How did it happen that way. You were supposed to say the vows, I was supposed to be at the reception, and then you were supposed to be with Chris at night,” I said annoyed.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“There was another personality. I think I’ve been adapting to this situation too fast,” I said.
“What personality?” Jill questioned.
“It was Jack,” I replied.
“But you are Jack,” Jill refuted.
“No, I’m not Jack anymore. I can’t be. He was there, and you weren’t. I thought I had lost you,” I said.
“Have you encountered a personality that looked like me and was an asshole?” I asked.
“Not since you woke up,” Jill said playfully.
“Very funny,” I muttered.
“If evil Jack shows up again, we’ll gang up on him,” Jill smirked.
I paused our conversation as a woman with her dog passed us by. I gave the woman a quick glance. “It’s not going to go away,” Jill told me.
“It’s inconvenient, now,” I said.
“So...how was Chris?” Jill asked curiously.
“He’s good....you never said he was this good,” I said embarrassed.
“You never asked,” she pointed out.
“Well, it will be the last time,” I said resolved.
“I don’t mind sharing him,” Jill said truthfully.
“He loves you. Not me,” I said.
“Maybe, we can work on that,” Jill said helpfully.
We went back to the hotel and switched in the hotel lobby.
After a blissful honeymoon in Hawaii where I put on a bikini at the beach for the first time, I stopped thinking of myself as a man. I would never be as feminine as Jill but not all women had to be. I was that aggressive tomboy that enjoyed hiking around the Hawaiian volcanoes. We also went scuba diving off the coasts. Still, whenever it came to romantic outings it was always with Jill. She enjoyed the romantic dinners and nightly love-making.
After the honeymoon, I stayed true to the rule generally dressing in darker clothes and wearing a black ring. “Hey, Jacky. Mind if we talk?” Chris asked me one breakfast.
“What’s up?” I asked friendly.
“Jill and I had a chat. She says it’s okay if we date. What do you think?” Chris asked.
“It’s not really cheating as long as it’s the same body,” I allowed.
“Our situation is a little bit more complicated wouldn’t you say? I just don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out,” Chris said.
“What if we break up?” I smirked.
“We shake hands,” Chris said simply.
“Shake hands?” I asked incredulous.
“I think we can be responsible adults about this,” Chris said reasonably.
“Let’s see what happens,” I agreed.
So, we dated like a normal couple even though he was already married to my other personality. In all reality, dating wasn’t even necessary. I was already in love with him. Finally, I made love to Chris as Jacky for the first time. My desires for hot-looking women would never go away. I knew this but mature adults can remain faithful and not act on their instinctive urges. It didn’t take long for me to put Jill’s wedding ring next to my black ring. As far as Jill and I were concerned, Chris was married to both of us.
My name is Jill. One day, Chris and I went to a coffee shop. “Let me get you something. You stay here,” Chris offered and got in line.
I smiled at my husband’s generosity and then I saw a young man take a seat across from me. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans. Jack’s smirking face looked back at me. “Welcome back,” I said to my nemesis.
“We did well, didn’t we?” he asked.
“You got the job done,” I allowed.
“I still can’t believe you were able to keep Jacky from knowing about me all these years,” Jack said amused.
“How did you know it would work,” I asked him.
“Just a hunch. As long as you were around, he couldn’t truly embrace his feminine side. He needed someone like me to provide the contrast. I reminded him of the negative side of himself. His love for you pushed him over the edge,” Jack said.
“Now that we are now two women and one man in a woman’s body, what will do with yourself now?” I asked.
“Fade away,” Jack suggested.
“No, you can’t do that,” I insisted.
“Adopt a son,” Jack said seriously.
“Deal,” I smiled.
Chris came back with two coffees. Jack smirked at Chris and then turned to me. “If you don’t mind, I have a date,” Jack said slyly. Jack walked off as Chris sat down.
“Thank you,” I said as I drank a sip of my coffee. In the coffee shop, I could see several versions of Jack sitting next to individual single women.
“Chris, there’s something on my mind I want to talk to you about,” I began. “It’s about the adoption.”
To Be Continued?
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