Eyes That Sparkle

Originally published December 18, 2002 to Classic BC

Eyes That Sparkle

by Keshara


A letter published in an agony aunt column I read many years ago inspired this story. It was from a lost soul who was desperate to find the true person they wanted be. You could say that it is based on a true story, but as for the answer to their dilemma I do not know?

So anyway, the question that was asked intrigued me so much, that I always wondered what the outcome would have been. Needless to say in this first person perspective tale, I have made the decision for them and hopefully it would have been a little something like this...

Chapter One


April 1978:

It was probably easier for me to turn back and go home, but my mind was made up, I had to do it or else I guess I would have spent the rest of my life living a lie.

Yet how would I make the transition and who would help me? It was strange to think that I would never see any of my school friends, not that I ever considered them as friends anyway, but more importantly leaving my family and never seeing them again. With another station flashing by I found myself deciding once more whether or not to just jump on board the next train home and forget the strange feeling that always gnawed at me when I was alone in bed at nights.

As the train pulled in to the station I once again fought with my conscience.

Should I give in to my head of fears and go home or finally face the fact that what I was doing was the only way I was going to alleviate this yearning which was etched in my heart.

Stepping onto the platform I took a deep breath and walked amongst the sea of people who I began to imagine where all doing the same as I was.

"Ticket!" a low booming voice prompted me from my thoughts as the queue frizzled its way to me.

"Oh, yes, sorry," I gave the porter my ticket, the ticket I had brought to fulfil my hidden desire.

With no expression on the porter's face he dismissed me in favour of the person behind me. Turning around to glance back at the platform and train that had brought me here I caught my breath and grabbed a hold of my backpack that was now all I owned in the world.

I was alone in a strange new town with a scrap of paper that held the advertisement I had replied to by phone earlier that week.

Shivering with nerves I made sure I still had the address.

'God, am I really here?' I thought to myself, as the station began to empty leaving me looking like the scared and pathetic nineteen-year-old boy I was.

Chapter Two

All Change

'Come on, Timo, get a hold of yourself!' I once again scolded my thoughts as I made my way out of the station. Once again I pulled out the address and sighed with a very nervous and anxious breath.

'You've done it, Timo... You've left now do it... Do IT!' my thoughts continued to fight with my resolve. Thoughts of my mother flooded my mind and I pictured every tear she shed over the leaving note I left her.

"Yeah, your heart can't deal with that one! Can it, Timo?" I spoke out loud drawing attention from a few passers by.

Out of all the things I really did cherish back home was my mum. Many times she quizzed me on the subject and I guess I really could not fool her, but never did I admit to the charges she put forward to me. Especially when she caught me with a pair of pantyhose.

'Yeah, but they were just stuck to your foot!' my conscience continued to fight back, for as much as I always used to dress up in her clothes when no one was in, when that incident happened I was not even wearing them.

Then I thought of my dad and my two younger brothers. Well, they would never talk to me again and I knew that that would definitely hurt for after all I did have compassion and a soft heart, which I'm sure is what made me feel so inadequate as male.

The address I was looking for was only a short taxi drive from the station. It was positioned on the seafront and to be honest it was quite obvious that it would be, after all, eight out of ten hotels situated in a coastal resort would be.

The taxi driver must have wondered why I never actually walked into the building considering I asked him to take me there, but then he would never see me again anyway so what did I care.

I did glance at the huge white stone steps that led up to the Hotel's entrance, but a heavy fluttering in my heart told me not to, especially dressed the way I was.

A cafeteria a little along the way caught my eye as I decided that it was time to take a seat and prepare my psyche for the next and most important part of my being here.

Luckily, on such a cold and wet day and the cafeteria was quite full. So ordering a coffee I took a seat and waited for the bravery that had brought me this far to return and for my guile to find the right time to make my move. I had spotted the toilets as I had taken my seat and thankfully realised that they where both behind a single door, so while I sipped on my coffee I watched the amount of human traffic going in and out of the toilets.

With my cup now empty I had noted that only two women had gone into the toilets, while I counted at least eight men come and leave them.

Patiently I waited for the last woman I had seen go in come out and when she did, with a thumping heart I braced myself and took hold of my backpack and took my chance.

The ladies was to the left and the gents was to the right and as the partitioning door closed behind me I pushed resolutely on the ladies door and held my breath.

The door squeaked loudly to announce my arrival and as I gritted my teeth the words for my apologies should any women be unlucky enough to meet me, in what to me was their own domain, were on my tongue.

Stepping into the Ladies toilet my excuses were not required, for it was as I had assessed, empty.

Hastily I moved into a cubicle and closed the door.

"Well, Timo, this is it!" I sighed to myself, for now was the time I crossed over and finally put into practise all those years of dressing up and pretending to be a girl into use.

Chapter Three

Stepping Out

For the first time in my secretive crossdressing life, which had begun way back when I was four and stumbled upon my mother's underwear in her draw, I did not feel the excitement of putting on feminine attire. There was no shivering charge of ecstasy of sliding my legs into the sheen of the black pantyhose I was going to wear. Neither did I feel the thrill of anticipation as I slowly waited on tender hooks to feel the hem of the dress fall to just below my stockinged knees as I pulled my sock filled bra into place beneath the silken blouse. Furthermore and most importantly the transvestite release of the constant petting which always brought me to fulfilment.

Instead, my thoughts were on how lucky I was to have removed what hair I had from my legs last night and how careful I should be not put a run in the black mesh as I pulled them up over my hips.

Perhaps it was the fact that I was going to be still wearing my blue and white underpants under my feminine attire that thwarted the all too familiar transvestite tug in my groin.

In truth, my mind was on other things.

I had practised this entire manoeuvre in the bathroom at home in absolute secrecy for the past week, yet up until last night I had not included the white blouse and green flared skirt and platform-heeled strapped shoes I had bought for my pretend sister, yesterday.

Most importantly there was one thing that was for sure and that was the bathroom was far bigger than this cubicle.

By the time a lady did walk into the toilet I was standing nervously at the mirror finishing off the mascara and light pink lipstick I had taught myself so easily to apply.

The middle-aged woman smiled at me as she went into a cubicle and closed the door.

I smiled back and quickly took my hairbrush out of my backpack and began to brush my hair forward and out to try to give it some volume if that was what they called it. In all honesty. although. I had always had longish hair, I still resembled that transvestite image which always grinned back at me in the mirror.

'Look at you... Yer pansy, call yerself'a girl!' my doubts spat silently back at me in the sound of my father voice and boy, and I mean boy, 'cause that was what I looked like... a boy, but a boy in drag.

Just then the toilet flushed and I knew that I had to leave. So turning my attention back to my makeup I tried to work the boy out of my face with another application of thick black mascara.

The woman did not speak as she washed her hands and pushed on the electric hand dryer.

WHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRR the dryer seemed to go on for an eternity as my once steady hands began to shake under the strain of this woman's presence in the toilet.

WHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRR it and the woman stood in harmony as my thoughts now drifted onto the embarrassment my family would feel when I was returned home by the police dressed like I was.

Oh, yes, although this woman was drying her hands from water, in my mind she was drying away my thin disguise of femininity and the longer it continued the more obvious I thought I was.

Then it clicked off.

For the next second or two, which seemed like hours, I waited to hear the end of my charade, however all the woman did was open the door and leave.

Quickly, I pulled out the only things I needed from the backpack, a light blue cardigan and a black leather woman's shoulder bag that I had borrowed, or stole, whichever way you look at it, from my mother.

I had already placed my purse in the handbag that contained just up to a hundred and fifty pounds, and as I now stared at the remains of my old life in the backpack I guessed that now was the time to ditch my past. Just then another woman walked in and just like the other one smiled and went into a cubicle.

Hastily I stuffed the backpack in the bin, checked that the socks in the bra where not too out of shape beneath the blouse and then proceeded to walk out of the ladies' room.

Luckily no one had seen the nineteen-year old boy walk into the toilets so hopefully no one would know that this same boy was now dressed as a girl.

My years of parading around the bedroom wearing heels did not desert me, for despite my nervous swagger my feet did me justice.

The cafe was still bustling so it was easier for me to leave, however as I reached the exit and walked out onto the street the reality of what I had done hit me hard. I was a boy dressed in female clothes and I was out on the open street for the entire world to see and to make things worse I could feel the situation I was in was getting to me. My small hands, which I had always thought of as feminine anyway, were sweating and despite the fact that I had only put on some deodorant earlier in the morning, I prayed that my male sweat did not give me away.

Several people passed me by as a brief breeze shifted my skirt and I could not help but wonder what it would feel like when the weather was truly hot and I was wearing just a pair panties under my skirt.

The white stone steps of the Hotel gradually came into view and the nearer I got the more nervous I became. The building was only four storeys high and attached to other hotels either side, however an archway that allowed room for a van to pass through made me realise that the building was actually a semi-detached one after all. Taking a large intake of air I realised that the building although not that enormous did dwarf my expectations completely, for it caused me to doubt my very presence and pretence at what I was about to do to my life.

Placing a platform toe on the bottom step I pulled out the advertisement once more and quickly mulled over the conversation I had had with the lady owner of the hotel. With every step up to the entrance the conversation ploughed through my mind.

With the sound of lorry's horn blowing in the distance I pushed open the door and walked into the hotel.

Chapter Four

A Stroll On The Wild Side

Walking into the foyer my heart was pounding and my mind was all over the place, what was I doing and how could I possible hope to pass as a girl, when I could not even convince myself.

A huge reception desk loomed before me and as I approached it I realised that despite my five foot six frame being the right height for a girl, I was small in stature up against the situation I was about to place myself in.

Just then a slim woman dressed in a white checked jacket and large bowed blouse appeared behind the high reception desk.

"Yes, can I help you?" she asked.

"Err... Ahemmmm," I cleared my thoughts and softened my voice, just in the tone I had when I had spoke to the woman three days ago. "Err... Yes I have come about the job?"

"Job?" the slim woman glanced over her glasses and looked me up and down.

"Yes, I answered this add in the paper!" I nervously held up the piece of paper that for me held the answer to my desires.

"The vacancy has been filled and I don't recall arranging any interviews today?" the blonde woman flicked through a large diary that was by her side. "What is your name girl?"

"Err..." I stuttered.

"Err, that's a strange name?" the woman interrupted my reply rudely.

"Tina Walsh!" I pulled myself together.

'Tina, where did that name come from?' I thought to myself as I changed the sexual pronunciation of my real name.

"No, I have no mention here of a Miss Walsh... I'm sorry!" the blonde woman dismissed me with a thump of her closing diary.

"Look, I've come a long way for this!" I suddenly hit back at the woman.

"And what references do you have?" she countered. Leaving me wondering what I was going to say next, however I did get a chance to read her name from the badge on her lapel.

"Look, Mrs Dart, I was told that previous experience was not necessary and in any case cleaning and making beds is not that difficult!"

"From the look of you my dear I find it hard to believe that you could make a bed without your mother's help!" Mrs Dart replied with sarcasm. "Now, if you don't mind I have things to sort out."

My heart sank between my pretend sock-made breasts as the woman completely cut me off. What was I to do? The woman I spoke to on the phone told me that I more than had the job as nobody had applied for it.

Instantly, my imagination began to run riot, giving me scenes of my arrest and my charge of wearing women's clothes in public. Worse still I pictured myself travelling on the train and being hounded by a gang of youths intent on raping me and then onto the beating I would get when they found out I was a boy like them.

"Are you still here Miss Walsh?" Mrs Dart interrupted my short imagined horror show.

"Yes... I'm sorry," I dipped my head defeated and turned around.

What in the world was I thinking leaving my safe life at home as Timothy Walsh to pursue some daft idea that I could become a real woman? Furthermore why did I listen to my heart for continually tricking me into thinking that I wanted to be?

Defeated a tear fell from my eye as I fumbled through my mother's handbag for some kind of solace.

A chair beckoned my shaking legs and I immediately made my way towards it and sat down. I could feel Mrs Dart's eyes and could here her sigh of disapproval as I was still within her sight.

"Do you want me to call you a taxi?" she spoke with a hint of annoyance on her voice.

"Err... Yes, please!" I replied my mind in complete disarray.

Then just as Mrs Dart was about to ring for a taxi the elevator door opposite me rung and opened. From between the two sliding doors stepped an elderly lady with grey hair, wearing a blue trouser suit and a blonde girl dressed in a chambermaid's uniform of white blouse and black knee length skirt, black pantyhose or stockings and white frilly apron. The ensemble I had been hoping to wear myself.

"Karen, has there been any calls for me?" the older woman shouted out to Mrs Dart.

"No, Madame there has not!" she replied instantly. "I have ordered the new -" the older woman suddenly cut the receptionist short.

"My dear, are you alright?" the older woman suddenly turned to me.

"Err... Yeah... I think so?" I tried to wipe my watering eyes.

"Brenda, go and fetch this poor waif a glass of water will you!" the woman ordered the chambermaid.

"Yes, Madame!" the chamber girl gave a small curtsey and scuttled off towards the reception desk.

"My dear... A lady always keeps her legs close together when she sits, it's an important part of being a female!"

'Damn!' I scolded myself I was sitting just as I always did carefree and with my legs open. "Yes," I nodded as I brought my legs together.

"So, are you waiting for a taxi or are you waiting for someone, my dear?"

"Well, I was under the impression that I had an interview for a position here, but Mrs Dart explained that the position has been filled!" I tried hard to stop myself from crying.

"Oh my? I am sorry you must've been the one I spoke to on the phone the other day!" the older woman put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, I do apologise I forgot to inform Karen of your intended arrival, I did not think that you would show to be honest, but now that you are here I should introduce myself!"

Chapter Five

Madame Parisade

"My name is Miss Parisade! " the older woman held out her hand. "But I do insist on all my staff calling me Madame when they are on duty!"

"Err... Tina... Tina Walsh!" I shook her delicate hand with mine. "Err... Madame!"

"Well, now, let's take a look at you!" Madame Parisade asked me to stand up. "Turn around, dear!"

I did as I was told and I must admit I did feel a little foolish spinning around.

"Karen, get this young lady on the books will you!" Madame called out to her receptionist.

"But Madame, we have filled the vacancy and this thing has no experience?" Karen argued with her employer.

"Karen, considering it is quiet up until May, we have plenty of time to get this young girl trained, now do as you're told and get her a uniform, please!"

"Yes, Madame!" Mrs Dart curtseyed to her boss.

"Oh, and call Miss Harris back for me will you!" Madame finished her orders for her receptionist. "Now then, child, I take it you have already met Karen, she is your manager and from now on you will do what she says!"

I could not believe what I was hearing, this woman who owned the Hotel was actually going to employ me, just as she said she would if I arrived here today. "Err... Yes, of course-" I was suddenly held from attempting a curtsey and very politely found myself seated again.

"Please, Miss Walsh, you are far from being a lady so please take some advise from me, watch and learn from Mrs Dart, she may appear cold and strict, but she is absolute perfection in how a lady should be. "

As I sat waiting for Miss Harris to arrive, Madame Parisade explained to me my terms and conditions of employment within her hotel.

Karen Dart was, as she said, her manageress and I was to obey her every command during the set hours of work, which were still to be decided. I was on a short probation of a month in which I had the option to leave at anytime I wished if I thought that it was getting too much for me.

For some uncanny reason Madame Parisade had guessed that I had only the clothes I was wearing so she gave Mrs Dart an order to make sure I had ample underwear to go under my chambermaids outfit, explaining that it would all come out of my wages.

I must admit most of what this wonderful lady was telling me just passed me by, because all I could think of was I was actually going to become a Chamber Maid and further more I was going to dress and live as a girl.

My heart fluttered like an out of control butterfly.

Yet, one thing did cross my mind as she was talking to me, it was the way that she and Mrs Dart referred to me. Mrs Dart had called me a thing and Madame Parisade was continually informing me that I was a long way off from being a lady. After all, she had mentioned that I should observe Mrs Dart's movements and mannerisms so I wondered if she knew that I was a boy under these clothes.

"Thank you, very much Madame for giving me this chance!" I almost burst into tears as I said the words. "But can I?" I was just about to ask her, when the chambermaid who had followed her from the lift appeared.

"Ah Brenda, thank you, I'd like to introduce you to our new trainee, she'll be staying in Jackie's old room so please show her the ropes because I want her trained and ready in four weeks."

Brenda introduced herself to me as Brenda Harris and took me on a tour of the Hotel. She was a very chatty twenty-two-year-old girl with a very full head of shiny demi-waved blonde hair, which bobbed back and forth across her shoulders as she talked and showed me all the rooms.

By the time she had shown me every bedroom, linen and broom cupboard I had found out enough about her to know that she had worked for Madame Parisade full time for nearly two years. She was also extremely pleased that I was to be the only other live in chambermaid and could not wait to show me all the chores I would be expected to do. In fact I realised that we both had one thing in common for, like me, she had answered an advertisement from a different part of the land to escape her past.

With my new room and my new life I could not hold back my emotions anymore, for I threw myself onto the bed and cried tears of joy. I was so near to returning back to my old life and living the rest of my days as a very weak male, but fate had given me chance, hopefully I was going to live the rest of my life as a female.

Ninety percent of my head and heart wanted it that much I knew, but it was convincing the other ten-percent that it was the right thing to do. However I still had many obstacles to clear, problems like going out shopping for clothes and more importantly losing every male mannerism I still had, for pretending to be a girl was not to be - I had to become one.

I waited in my room for Brenda to arrive with my clothes, but when I opened the door I was shocked to see Mrs Dart with the clothes.

"I hope Brenda showed you where all the linen and cleaning materials are?" she once again looked down at me from behind her glasses.

"Yes, she has," I replied waiting for her to pass me the clothes I had spent the last few nights dreaming of.

"I know we did not get off to the best of starts, but I did not get this position by being nice. I owe Madame a lot and I do not care for anyone taking her generosity for granted. Do you understand?" she said as she walked past me and placed my new clothing on the bed.

"Err... Yes, Mrs Dart!" I responded straight away.

"Please, get out of this Err stage, when a guest does speak to you, you do want him or her to think you are a girl, don't you?"

"E...Yes?" I stammered with disbelief. Did I really stand out like a saw thumb.

"You look surprised that I know what you are?" Mrs Dart grinned as she walked across my small but comfortable room.

"Er... Sorry... Yes I am?" I once again tried to stop 'Err-ing' with the start of my answers.

"Tina, if you plan on becoming a fulltime girl then you must start to act like one, you walked into the foyer this morning like a transvestite on a high. Your swagger and your arm movements give it away!" she suddenly came up to me and grabbed a hold of my chin. "Hmmm, and your makeup is a trifle heavy and does not match your skin tone. But you do have some features that aid you well in your quest for womanhood, your eyes are a lovely sparkle of blue, your hands are small and your legs are very feminine but most of all it is this!"

"Ugh!" I flinched as her long red nail poked my neck.

"You are extremely lucky that you have a small Adams, for this is the first place that your true gender would be found!" she smiled as she relaxed her grip on my face.

"Thank you, Mrs Dart!" I finally answered with out using that stammer.

"Now, as for your stay here, Madame gave you a month to find your feet, so you will be working the nightshift alongside Brenda. A month is all we need to assess whether or not being a girl is for you, though I will add that if you can sparkle so femininely with those pretty eyes I feel you will make it."

A compliment from the strict Mrs Dart on day one, I could hardly believe it, however I had so many questions I wanted to ask her and knew that this would be the last time I would ever get to speak to this woman one to one again.

Though I would have to wait until she was leaving before I got my chance, because for the next twenty minutes she told me what my terms of employment were and how much money I would receive if I succeeded in my training as a chambermaid.

"Now, Tina, I will say one last thing to you, you have a month to prove to me and Madame that you are a girl. If I suspect that for one moment you are just acting out some transvestite fantasy I will take you home to your family dressed as you are myself... Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mrs Dart!" I replied instantly. "I do want to be a girl and I will show both of you how much I do, I promise!"

"Good, now get changed, I have supplied you with some very plain panties in order to help you concentrate and a 32AA bra, so that you do not go overboard on the size of your pretend chest. And if your training goes well Madame will supply you with any cosmetics and undergarments you will need to continue on your path."

"Mrs Dart, can I ask you a question?"

She nodded in agreement.

"Was the vacancy filled as you said?"

"Yes, it was," she replied with a wry smile, as she turned to leave. However she suddenly stopped in the doorway. "If you had not stopped and began to cry in the reception area, then the vacancy would still have been open! Now get dressed, Miss Walsh... Brenda will be along in half an hour so be ready she does not like to be kept waiting, my dear!"

Chapter Six

Becoming Tina

Well, there I was alone in what was now my own little girl's room. I could understand everything Mrs Dart had said about me being just a transvestite playing out some fantasy and with this in my mind, for the second time ever, just like I had done earlier in that cafeteria's toilet, I had to force the erotic pleasure from my mind.

"You're a girl now, Timothy!" I told myself as I fought furiously with my lower abdomen's excitement, as I undressed.

There was a full-length mirror on the door of my wardrobe, but I thought that it would be best if I did not look at myself until I was fully dressed. So taking hold of one of the pair of white plain cotton panties that Mrs Dart had left me, I stepped into them and gradually pulled them up my legs. I must admit it even though they were plain and non-descript, the fact that they were feminine attire it was still hard trying to fight my arousal, so very roughly I bent my penis into my crotch and sealed it within the gusset of the panties. Next, I undid the pair of black pantyhose and carefully slid them up my legs and over my hips.

Next, I put on the bra and just as Mrs Dart had said, it was a very small one. However as I clasped it and turned it around and pulled the straps up onto my shoulders I began to wonder what it would actually feel like to have real breasts nestling in the cups of them.

Suddenly, I felt the familiar temptation in my groin as my mind envisioned a pair of sweet breasts held firmly in the bra, so instantly I took my mind off of them and quickly stuffed some tissues into the cups to fill them out a bit.

Next, I picked up the white cotton blouse and let the cool material slide over my skin. The cuffs of the blouse were slightly puffed and had black laced trim stitched into them, however, as I buttoned the collar up to my neck I realised that I would have to wear the accompanying black silk neck tie, something I had never worn before.

After several attempts I decided that it would best if I did not wear it, anyhow I did not recall seeing Brenda wearing it either. Undoing the top button I turned my attention to the item I had longed to have in my wardrobe since I was four or five, the skirt.

It was black and flared and I knew it would hang to just above the knees and the excitement that coursed through my body when I pulled the skirt up onto my hips and zipped it into place, caused my groin to respond just as it always did.

Last of all was the frilly apron that I hastily attached to my waist. I wanted to look at myself in the mirror, but I knew that I would start to touch myself to continue the excitement of being dressed as a chambermaid.

Just then the door rapped and a sweet female voice asked if it was all right to enter.

"Yes!" I called back.

Brenda walked in with a pretty lace covered box.

"Here you go, Tina, I managed to rummage together some makeup for you, and Mrs Dart told me to show you how to put it on without looking too obvious."

"You mean you?" I asked knowing full well that my face was red with embarrassment.

"Madame told all of us to expect you! This morning" she replied her blonde hair bobbing around her shoulders as she moved over to my dresser. "I must admit I did not believe that you would be so fresh and innocent!"

'Innocent!' I spoke loud in my head, did I really look so obvious. Instantly, I began to wonder if all those people I saw in the cafeteria had recognised me for the boy I was and worse still had someone also followed me and returned my backpack?

"What's it like?" Brenda turned and smiled with a glint of excitement in her eyes.

"What, being dressed as a girl?"

"No... You silly... I mean having one of those between your legs. I mean I can't really ask a man or a boy that question cause it would sound daft!" she explained as best as she could.

"Well, I suppose it's much the same as you feel having tits!" was all I could reply.

"Oh, it's going to wonderful working with you!" Brenda laughed. "I've had to put up with so many miserable girls who did not want to be chambermaids that I was beginning to think I would be the only full-time maid on Madame's books!"

Just then I realised that she was wearing the black silk necktie. "Oh, I could not put that on!"

"Oh, you must Mrs Dart will give you a telling off, it's part of our uniform!" Brenda's face contorted. "I will show you after we have sorted out your makeup."

Brenda worked very fast on my makeup and explained to me when and when not to wear certain colours. Explaining that during the day I should wear more subtle tones and that dark and brighter colours should only be worn at night to enhance my features.

Then she grabbed hold of what hair I had and pinned it up leaving me with my ears exposed and a fringe dangling from my forehead.

With the makeup on my face and my necktie now in place, Brenda took out two white frilled caps and placed one on my head and the other on hers.

"There!" she smiled as she pulled me to the mirror. "You look every inch a chambermaid.

I looked at my self in amazement, but whether it was the makeup that Brenda had put on me or whether it was the outfit, I looked exactly as Brenda did.

"What was your male name?" Brenda asked as she smoothed out her apron.

"Timothy," I replied still mesmerised by my own reflection and if it had not been for Brenda my hands would have been exploring beneath my skirt and desperately trying to bring myself to a transvestite fulfilment.

"Well, you don't look like Timothy," she looked me in the eye. "In fact with those blue eyes and your makeup you look very Tina to me!"

I looked back at Brenda with surprise, for the look in her eye was a look I had never felt before, it was a hint of jealousy.

"Then I guess I am Tina!" I broke off her stare.

"Yes, you are," she shook her head. "Right, let's get your curtsey in check, Tina."

"Ok?" I grimaced as the thought of me actually curtseying caused me to cringe somewhat. "Brenda... Is it really necessary?"

"Afraid so, Madame is a very serious about it, too. It's something to do with her family, I know she has lost her accent but she is from a very rich French family. Apparently it is a tradition for maids in certain French social circles for them to curtsey when in the presence of a person or persons higher in stature. And from witnessing many chambermaids who refused to curtsey it is considered a breach of contract and is punishable by instant dismissal!"

'Dismissal' I prodded my thoughts, I could not let that happen. "Well, I guess you'll have to teach me good, Brenda!"

"Well, you better put your shoes on!" she prompted me. "What size are you?"


"That's a good female size, I'll see if I can find you some proper shoes to wear. Mrs Dart does not like her maids to wear anything but these!" Brenda pointed to her black small-heeled lace up shoes, which resembled the shoes worn by females during the forties.

For the rest of day I followed Brenda's lead as she taught me everything I needed to know about making beds, ironing and cleaning and I must admit I was rather pleased when I finally got back to my room. It was the longest I had ever spent wearing female clothes and as I massaged my sore feet I collapsed back on my new bed and yawned. Although I had enjoyed dressing and playing the girl, I had never imagined that it would be so much work trying to be one.

Closing my eyes I thought that I would drift off to sleep, however my thoughts had drifted from images of me making beds and ironing onto me walking in my laced heels and curtseying and then my face so beautifully made up. Slowly but surely my groin was beginning to stir and the thought that it was nestled demurely in my panties my thoughts succumbed to the transvestite that was still so prominent in my mind.

With my hands caressing my false breasts I inhaled the perfume Brenda had loaned me and as the sweet smell of femininity clouded my crossdressing mind my penis was now stretching to break free of my underwear. Eagerly a hand offered to aide my growing erection under my skirt and as if in some weird confusion that hand was becoming a pretend partners hand and as it found my bulging crotch I shivered with delight.

"What are you doing!" a voice sounded in my head, instantly rocking me from my decline into transvestite pleasure.

Startled I pulled my hand from beneath my lifted skirt and sat up and looked at my image in the mirror. What was I doing, I could never afford to allow myself to submerge in that world I had left behind early this morning. True it had played a part in my becoming what I was now, but that was a part of my past I would have to forget.

"Come on, Tina, help me out, you wanted this, not Timothy?" I spoke to the image of the girl in the mirror.

Standing up I unzipped the skirt and neatly placed it on the chair beside my bed and continued to undress until Timothy was now standing in the mirror. Pulling closer to the mirror I stared deep into my still made up face and looked heavily into my eyes and as I did I saw what Mrs Dart and Brenda had seen.

My blue eyes sparkled with feminine pride and any thoughts of returning to Timothy were lost. The transvestism would have to stop and stop for good for I was not a cross dresser anymore.

'Goodbye, Timothy!' my eyes smiled with a menacing glint and as I pulled my face away from the mirror I became what my heart and soul desired so much - Tina.

Pulling back the sheets I once again turned to my image in the mirror and blew myself a kiss, then stepping gracefully into the sheets I giggled, forcibly making my giggle sound as feminine as possible. Tugging the sheets up to my chin I wrestled my body into a very comfortable position and closed my eyes on the day I chose to become Tina.

Chapter Seven

Trials End

It was a Wednesday morning when Brenda knocked loudly on my door.

"Tina... Tina... Get dressed, Mrs Dart wants to see you as soon as possible."

It so happened that I was already dressed and was just finishing my mascara when she had knocked. Opening the door I stood with my hands perched perfectly on my hips.

"So?" I replied with a wry smile.

"You know what day it is?" she shifted nervously about the corridor.

"It's Wednesday?" I replied with sarcasm.

"No... It's schedule day!" she grabbed a hold of my arm and began to pull me along the corridor.

"Schedule day?"

"Yes, it's the day when Mrs Dart and Madame tell us our schedule for the coming month, it's a bank holiday next week and that means all the part-timers join us!"

"So?" I replied still not sure as to what was so important about today.

"Well everyone who works here has to be on show for Madame, it's a kind of parade we have to perform for her and besides it's very important for you!" Brenda made a point of telling me.

"Oh, I see," I did not really, but she seemed so excited about it I could only agree.

In the month I had been there, I met with all of the full time staff from the bald-headed porter, Mr Jahni, who never seemed to do any porting because when I ever saw him he was always in the kitchen chatting to Mrs Tibbins, the cook.

There were four chambermaids over all, including Brenda and myself, for Sharon and Katie were only fifteen and with both of them still at school they only helped out at the weekends. Although I must admit I did keep a wide berth of them, for I had no way of knowing how they would respond to a boy trying to become a girl and in any case I worked the evening shift at the weekends and only saw them on passing.

However, as I lined up alongside Brenda, Mrs Tibbins, and Mr Jahni, I must admit that I did feel a little foolish being on parade.

"Good morning, staff!" Mrs Dart appeared wearing her more favoured combination of tweed jacket and skirt with a blue roll-neck sweater. "As you know a bank holiday is upon again and that means busy times for all of us!"

"Good morning!" we all replied, hastily I followed Brenda in curtseying as she and Mrs Tibbins did while Mr Jahni gave a bow of his head.

"Will I be getting help in the kitchen this time... Easter was a joke!" Mrs Tibbins boldly stated.

"Yes, you will, Ruby!" Madame suddenly replied appearing from out of the office behind Mrs Dart's high counter.

Instantly, Mrs Tibbins broke into a curtsey as did Brenda and myself following suit.

"I have been allotted three fully trained staff from my nieces Hotel in Paris who are all looking forward to working in England for the summer season and as you are aware it is part of their working contract... And yes, one of those is a fully trained chef," Madame replied.

"Now, Brenda, I will expect to see you working shifts during the day when they arrive Friday... Sharon and Katie will be working for the entire week and that will mean that you will have to oversee their work... I know how much you despise working with them, Brenda, but you endured Christmas rather well!"

"Yes, Madame!" Brenda curtseyed.

"Now, Mr Jahni you will be relieved to know that I am negotiating for them to send me a young man for you to train. I know your back is playing up so hopefully they will send me a stronger lad this time!" Madame answered my questions concerning Mr Jahni's work schedule.

"Now, Tina, I wish for you to come to my room afterwards for your trial is up this week," Madame turned to me.

"Yes, Madame," I curtseyed feeling my legs shake as I did.

The next ten minutes of Mrs Dart's speech went by me without any knowledge of what she was saying at all.

My mind was completely numbed.

I had been enjoying myself so much that I had forgotten that I was only on a month's trial and above all I had not even considered that my dream was still pending on the decision of one person.

Madame's words had completely severed me from the illusion I had that I was a girl.

It was the first time I had ever set foot inside of Madame Parisade's apartment, I had been past it on several occasions, but only to help Brenda with the clothing bags and rubbish that she had left for us to dispose of.

Her apartment was situated right at the top of the building taking up half of the fourth tier. It was clean and ornately designed with a very romantic Victorian feel. A large grandfather clock ticked in the corner of the room and as she asked me to sit opposite her on a wide, green velvet, Victorian-styled couch, she poured out two cups of tea.

I subconsciously straightened out my maid's uniform as I sat.

"Sugar?" Madame asked me.

"No, thank you, Madame," I replied being careful not to say 'Err'.

"Well, Tina, the time has come for me to decide whether or not I can trust you to stay on here as a maid!" she began.

'Trust?' I wondered to myself.

"When I say trust, I mean I do not wish for any of my guests to feel insulted by your pretence of being a girl. It is a very important season approaching and I do have standards to maintain," she looked me directly in the eye, as she sipped on her tea.

"Yes, Madame," I replied very solemnly.

"Mrs Dart has kept me well informed of your progress and I must say you do have the ability to become a very good chambermaid, but, and I say, but for the reason of your gender," she paused taking another sip. "Dressing like a girl is not the same as behaving like one. You still have many male traits and that I'm afraid is what could be your undoing."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I knew I had done well in learning everything there was to know about being a chambermaid, but how could I have missed this important thing that has ruined it all for me.

Yet I did not really know what it was Madame was referring too.

"Oh, my dear, you have got such a long way to go and this chance I've given you is probably the easiest chance you'll ever get. Mrs Dart has tried to accept what you are but you have not convinced her that you are girl enough to become one of her chambermaids."

My tears were getting harder and harder to control and I knew that any moment they were going to flow.

"I'm sorry Madame, but I have tried to be as feminine as possible and I have kept a good distance from the guests that have been staying during the last month!" I had to reply in my defence regardless of what was obviously going to be my last day here.

"Tina, I am not Mrs Dart and I do not abide having my staff talk to me in such a tone!" she scolded me for raising my voice.

"But, I, err...?" I replied loosing my ability to stop my stuttering, as I felt tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

"Hush, child, this instant, you'll have mascara all over your face!" she handed me a pretty lace handkerchief to wipe my eyes.

Madame got up from her seat and went across to her writing desk and opened the rolled down shutter. Then she asked me to come over to the desk and take a seat, whereupon she promptly handed me a notepad and a pen.

"Now, listen to me closely... I'm going to help you alleviate the situation you are now in... I want you to address this to your mother," Madame looked down at me seriously.

"My err... M...Mother?" I gasped. How could I write to my mother and tell her anything, especially after the letter I had left her.

"Yes! Your mother," she replied.

"But what do I say... I mean I can't go back not now?"

"How do you think your mother felt when she read your letter? Do you think that she is going to disown her child just because he is a little confused about his gender? She gave birth to you... You are an important part of her being, now write!" Madame kind of scolded me on my mother's behalf.

"What do I say?"

"You will apologise to her for not telling her where you are for starters and then you will explain again everything you feel about yourself and why you felt the need to leave her!"

Shakily and wiping more tears from my face I began to write.

After an hour or so of heart-rending writing I signed the letter.

"So what will happen to me when I return? I doubt this letter will make things easier for me and when I see my dad he'll put a belt to my backside!" I nervously sealed the envelope.

"First off, she most probably won't even read your letter. The arrival of it is confirmation enough to know that her child is safe and well," Madame placed a hand on my shoulder.

"But surely a phone call would be easier than writing to her," I responded wondering how long Madame would let me stay before she sent me home. In fact my mind was already picturing my return and wondering if my old clothes were still in the bin of the cafeteria's toilet I had left them in.

"Now, as I was going to say before your eyes started to leak," Madame pulled up my chin to face her. "I am not Mrs Dart and I can see more than what she can. I have no intention of sending you home but as I said, you have a long way to go. Your arrival here and your commitment to your duties is enough evidence of your desire to become what you wish to be and that desire is not a crime in my eyes.

"Y... Y... You mean I can... Stay?" I replied with tears once again falling from my eyes.

"Under one condition?" Madame replied.

"Yes of course anything... W... What is it?"

"You write a letter to your mother at least two or three times a year!"

"Yes, Madame I will... Thank you!" I tried hard not to cry, but my heart was on fire, I was going to become a girl, the thing I had dreamed of becoming since whenever.

"But, there is one thing I must agree upon with Mrs Dart," Madame looked me solidly in the eye as she wiped tears from my cheeks. "You certainly have eyes that sparkle!"

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