Tea & Red Roses Part Four

*** Rose…

I don’t date a whole lot.

I really don’t I don’t like guys after loads of experiences with them.

I like girls, women and that’s where it gets crappy.

I’m trans and I’m pre-op trans but I’m still a woman.

And while there’s a lot of people in the LGBTQAI+ community in Toronto good with trans people there’s a lot that aren’t.

And then there’s a lot of people that are “Good” with trans people that would still never date us.

And then there’s some of the few that will.

And I’ve sort of found that those few can still end up leaving you high and dry and hurting once some of the angrier unfriendly towards T-folk types get yammering at them.

Especially in the lesbian community.

And I’m not being lesbophobic and actually it’s the other way around that some of these angry lesbian types…you know the ones that want the L way away from the LGBTQAI+ community. Well they are like this pretty shitty mob of folks that will bully and harass and blacklist other more open and tolerant women into not dating trans people. They will literally go through the local Lesbian community and say “So and so’s not a lesbian she’s dating a trans person, she’s dating a dude in a dress.” And they say and do a lot worse invoking the whole thing they have about gold star lesbians and all this other bullshit until they have a whole bunch of folks riled up and have those open girls way too freaked out and scared to date a trans woman.

I mean with those types pushing on people in their way there’s even these hardcore L-Terfs that have it out even for Bi women and shame them too and use that Bi hate and bias like a club towards more open Lesbians.

And I could go on and on but suffice it to say I’ve dated and had this happen a few times where second thoughts suddenly happen and other feelings spring up and once even a woman I know to be a pretty aggressive L-Terf was literally hanging out with a girl I had been starting to see me and actually physically put herself and two buddies between me and her but in a very passive aggressive “We’re just sitting” way.

I got the message so…while I haven’t stopped hanging around with people and being friends I’ve sort of been very skittish around relationships.

But I can’t help it.

I like Chris.

I like talking to her online or on the phone and sharing pictures.

I really am getting into me showing her around the city without being there with her because of our schedules.

I suggest stuff to see and she tries to go and see it or go to it.

I still sort of know people that are into the bar and club scene so I do manage to send her to a couple of Indie bands that are pretty new and it’s also fairly cheap with admission fees being like ten bucks or so.

I get pictures sent back too of her and her friends out having fun and doing things at the clubs and I send her back pics of me in varying stages of after work and homebodiness.

Sigh…I really wish I was brave enough to go out and to push it.

Work’s a good excuse but I’m kinda scared too.

Scared but I really kind of Saturday to get here quicker.

*** Chris….

Rose is freaking awesome and she’s cool as heck.

We text and we phone and we talk a bunch.

Way more than I’m used to with people that I’m interested in.

Seriously there’s a lot of hook up or there has been a lot of that in my life before and having someone that’s kind of taking their time and yet still like super engaged with me is….

Wow, it’s good.

Like I can feel my smile on my face when we talk or text good.

And she’s like super cute and she’s stylish like even when she’s chilling home and with her hair down.

Like she has actual pjammas and like some of these really cool and grown up looking ones. She does things at home with her hair; she does that really good make-up thing. And I mean that whole less is more deal.

And hey, I’m cool with make-up I’m not really a femme lesbian but I’m not a stone cold butch either. I guess I’m closer to like well skater? Maybe punk? I like make-up and colored hair and doing all of that while still kind of liking girl stuff and yet really kind of digging the butchie stuff too.

Seriously I have these great pair of army surplus cammo hiking boots that I wear all the time with these like hip hugger BDU pants.

But Rose she has that whole been there done that kind of found myself and look I’m an adult thing.

But not like my folks adult but like still in my age group thing but at the same time she’s…well she seems so together.

I mean despite the stuff I do pick up and stuff from like tone or just stuff she’s typed.

I’m seriously getting the hurt before but lonely vibe.

And I think I get it some.

And at the same time I really resoundingly don’t get it.

And by not getting it is this whole TERF hating on trans women thing.

Like I said I like Rose.

So I looked up trans stuff sort of like really seriously and asked questions.

I really shouldn’t have done that on Facebook.

There’s people on there that are really and truly horrible little potatoes.

One of my friends says that.

That whole eyes but can’t see thing.

I mean these Terfs make this whole thing just nuts and they actually think that trans people go through everything that they go through to do what?

Seriously they’re about as connected to reality as the whole right wing bathroom assholes.

And then there’s the fact that if you read some of their posts all trans women are either scary perverts that are big and gross and hairy like cave men in dresses and are doing it to hurt “Real women” or they think that they’re these sex addict things…Autogyno somethings or they think that all trans women are like the whole she male porn stars or something.

And like tons more and worse it’s just really bad and the thing is.

Not one of the things that they say is what I’m finding Rose to be like.

I mean we talked all week, during lunch breaks and after work when she’s doing stuff and when I’m doing stuff with work or classes and yeah I should be studying harder and stuff nut I’m not just all about college but I want to have a life too.

And she’s even cool that way with her being around so much and stuff she knows when there’s some pretty decent places to go and catch some new music at some of the bars and all and it’s like not the snobby like thirty buck cover plus it’s like ten bucks and both times were pretty good times.

But as the week winds down I’m like a mix of hopeful and excited and kinda scared nervous too.

I’m actually thinking about all the stuff that we might do and looking over my clothes and stuff when Becky comes in and she plops down on the bed.

“For your date with Rose?”

“Yeah we haven’t like made plans and it’s like got me wondering and stuff about what we’ll do.”

“Make out?”

“Uhm…”

“What she seems pretty cool with the low down on the shows she gave us and you think she’s hot right?”

I look at her. “Rose is definitely not that kind of girl.”

Amy stops at the doorway; she’s one of my other housemates. “Actually I heard stuff so you might want to be careful.”

I look at her. “Careful?”

“Yeah I was out the other night and I heard someone talking about rose and I like don’t know if it’s the same girl but I heard she was transgendered.”

“Okay and?”

Amy gives me this suspicious look. “What do you mean and?”

“I mean and what’s your point. I mean why would that matter?"

Amy stares at me. “Because all these supposed trans women into women aren’t lesbians, they aren’t even women for fucks sakes.”

I look at her. “Says you. I don’t happen to share that idea.”

Becky is looking between the two of us. “Whoa, Rose is trans?”

I look at both of them. “Why does it matter? I’m the one getting to know her and I’m the one that is going out with her.”

Amy snaps. “Because he’s a guy, and it matters because you said you are a lesbian I’m not cool with you faking it.”

I turn on her. “I’m not faking it.”

“You’re dating a fucking tranny.”

I glare at her. “I’m dating a woman that happens to be trans, but she’s still a woman.”

Amy glares back. “And he has a dick; he thinks that being a woman is all about putting on dresses and make-up and playing all girly for the guys…fucking tee-hee-hee and all that bullshit.”

Becky says. “Uhm Amy you wear dresses and make-up.”

She snarls. “That’s because I have to1 I’m an actual woman with like actual fucking consequences to not performing to the whole society standards of being a pretty woman. I’ve never had a choice in it; I’ve never had the silver fucking spoon of male privilege either all my life who thinks it’s a fucking game or a fucking turn on.”

I yell at her. “Get the fuck out of my room!”

She yells. “Get the fuck out of my house Dickrider!”

“My name’s on the lease too bitch I’m not going anywhere! And I’m not a Dickrider I’m a lesbian!”

“Not dating a trans woman you’re not!”

“You don’t fucking get to assign me MY fucking sexuality you gatekeeping douchecanoe!”

Amy turns and she looks at Becky. “C’mon let’s get out of here and talk to the others I don’t want this fucking liar here.”

Becky holds up her hands. “Sorry Aimes that’s a no go, look I don’t know where and what you’ve been into but one…you haven’t even met rose you just went off on this tirade because she might be trans.”

Amy starts but Becky cuts her off hard raising her voice. “Two you don’t get to call out Chris over her sexuality, it’s not yours.”

“This is a lesbian house! I want my fucking safe space!”

Becky keeps going. “Three it’s a shared house and I don’t for one like you misgendering a trans person no matter what kind.”

“What kind!? What kind it’s all fucking bullshit!” Amy rants. “Fine, fucking fine we’ll fucking see what the other think about this!”

She leaves and I’m just vibrating with rage.

I’ve done zero to her, Rose has done zero to her!

How fucking dare she!

And…. Like three hours later we’re in a whole house meeting and screaming match about Rose and about trans people and Amy ends up leaving and packing her things and cussing us out and she was going on us all being fakers and dickriding cunts ending off with her swearing.

“Bunch of Christopher Holbrook excusing bitches!”

Which led to a talk, a lot of talking about being lesbians and the whole LGBTQAI+ stuff and Radfems and Terfs.

It turns out most of us know trans people and most of us would rather not be assholes about it and that yeah trans women are women.

Or as like Nicole said. “Yeah…people don’t transition for kink and it’s just crappy to shame those that aren’t in transition ‘cause it’s like bitching about a gay or lesbian person not being gay or lesbian enough for like not being out.”

It turned out to be a whole long hard weird night and I ended up, we all ended up crashing late and not going out which is the usual plan we do for a Friday night and all.

It was just like really horrible and Twilight Zone.

Amy had just fucking went off the deep end with us and it was like she had zero brakes with here to try and shut the fuck up and just be a decent person. Like she was one of those religious crazy racist people that you see online from the states.

I mean I’ve had people be dicks about me being a lesbian but at the same time it’s kind of Canadian styled bigotry with like the quieter kind of backstabby stuff. I mean we totes got our share of bigots and stuff it’s just usually quieter.

Amy was like something out of the exorcist…possessed by the undead soul of Cathy Brennan.

Yeah I know she’s technically still “Alive” but have you heard of her? Like holy cheese what a horrible potato of a human being.

So I was like super worn out and had slept in really heavy when my phone rings.
“Mmm….mellow?”

“Morning, I thought it’s be safe to call you since it’s like tennish.”

“Hnnn…? Rose?” And part of my brain is slowly waking up.

“Yes Pearl it’s me.”

Okay I snerk at that, I’m surprised we haven’t gone there before with the whole SU thing.

I’m smiling and I roll over onto my back.

“Sorry I was up late, we had a big Terfenanny here at the house.”

And it just got quiet of the other end.

I wait a second before asking. “Rose?”

She says into the phone. “It was over me wasn’t it?”

God she sounds…well she sounds like she’s already expecting the worst.

She kinda sounds like she’s been like pre-gut punched.

I sigh… “Kinda…in truth she was waaaaaay out of line with a lot of us and she just had to invoke a whole shit show of drama.”

(Sniffle.) “Are you okay?”

Oh goddamn it she’s crying…and it’s just so frikking wrong that she is when today should have been a good time for us, it should be something cool.

I take a breath. “Hungry actually, I think I forgot to eat last night.”

(Sniffle.) “Brunch? I can cook for you.”

I smile. “I’d seriously like that; I’ve never had brunch before.”

I hear her voice get a little more cheer into it. “You like eggs?”

“I like eggs.” I roll over onto my side.

“You like mushrooms?”

“I do, I’m not fussy. The only thing that I’m not really crazy about are soybeans.”

I can literally feel her pulling a face and there’s this eww in her voice. “Uhm…no soybeans are not for brunch.”

I swing my legs out of the blankets. “Come and pick me up?”

“When?”

“Now, I should be ready by the time you get here.”

I can hear her smiling. “Okay, I need to get ready and to get a few things and I’ll be right over.”

I’m smiling because she seems happier and I actually feel better too. “I’ll be ready.”

Then we got through the you hang-ups for a few turns before I end up hanging up and I head off to get showered and changed.

I’m actually quick doing that and I finally speed settle on a cute underwear matched set and I actually go for a nice pair of dress pants that I have that have a really nice belt that goes with them and I settle with one of my nicer black tops that is a really good V-neck cut cleavage top that has a get cut as well for my breasts on the whole hey look level and I do my hair and make-up and wear a pair of good shoes with a nice heel.

Yeah I’m dressing up, not like wearing a dress and stuff but I want this to be a good date thing like I want it to be whatever it’s going to be and stuff but I really want to look good for it because well.

Rose is slower, but like not out of touch with stuff, and she’s nicer than some of the girls that I’ve dated.

I’m actually cleaning my room in a fast sort of haphazard way with me putting clothes away that can be like easily stuffed into where I hauled them out for the night before and the other stuff I hang as best I can over my chair and then it’s make the bed…sprinkle a little after bath body powder in the sheets before pulling the upper blankets over and then it’s settling the quilt and my pillows and laptop and things.

I’d have made my room up a bit better still like just in case but her car is pulling up and I head downstairs after a really fast check in the mirror one more time and I see Becky up and half-dressed drinking coffee and looking out the kitchen window and Nicole too who’s stopped eating her toast and is watching her too.

Nicole says. “Wow, like okay she’s pretty. I can sort of still see y’know but at the same time she’s pretty.”

Becky nods. “Yeah…and remember she was cool enough to like let us in on the cool shows.”

I’m not sure how to feel about the see y’know part and stuff because I didn’t and Niki might be seeing stuff because she already knows and stuff.

Rose rings the doorbell and I go and open the door and she’s…

Okay, pretty is kind of an understatement.

Her hair’s in loose pigtails in that kinda hot Harley Quinn way and she’s got a really nice job on her make-up too and she just can really carry off this perfect red lipstick and she has her choker on and her necklaces like last time and she…she has great breasts and she’s wearing this tee-shirt that’s from someplace called Inniskillin that really shows them off and she’s actually wearing these really hip hugging in a good way faded blue jeans that actually look like they’re faded from being old and not from like being bought that way….a nice shoulder bag and she’s wearing red and white sneakers, like the vintage cloth made ones.

And she has a large cup of coffee for me in one of those trendy place recycled brown cups which is really a plus for me instead of like Starsmucks but aside from it being someone really cute looking bringing me coffee she has a bunch of like really cute princess and skater girl dollar store stickers on it like you’d get at The Dollarstore.

Okay that’s really like super cute.