EPILOGUE

There's not much more to tell. I mean, life went on, but it would be pretty boring to tell. Just the sort of stuff that I guess any teenage girl does.

Doris got into University of Chicago, just like I said she would. Now I'm studying like crazy, so maybe I'll have a chance to get into University of Chicago, too. I'm missing her already. She thinks I'll be okay with Zeke to comfort me and I can't get her to see that I need her, too. The hospital finally settled for enough to put me through any college I want, so at least I don't have to worry about paying for it.

Ursula's family decided to move so she could go somewhere else besides West High. They rented a place in Greenwood's district and rented out their own house and she started there in the fall. I don't know if she ever told anyone but me about what Kevin did to her, but at least she's a lot more cheerful now. She's still together with Dennis, but she also has friends from school. And the art teacher raves about her drawings, she says Ursula has real talent.

Getting my legal name and gender changed is turning out to be more of a problem than I thought. Every couple of weeks, my uncle's lawyer fills us in on the latest stupid excuses the state bureaucrats have found to not recognize that I'm not a boy any more. Teresa already has her license and I still haven't gotten my learner's permit.

I ran into Eric and his mother in the mall that summer. It was kind of awkward. It seems he'd told her that I'd dumped him, so she was mad at me. Also, he hadn't mentioned I was trans. We got all that straightened out, but she looked like he was going to get an earful later on. I sort of felt bad for him, but sort of not. Anyway, I guess that's sort of settled.

It's sad about my family, though. It's more like they're my aunt and uncle and Aunt Edith and Uncle Boris are my real parents. We see each other at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that's about it. My life has changed in so many ways and they can't relate to the way I am now. And honestly, I can't really relate to the way they are, either.

Actually, I'm having trouble these days even relating to how I used to be. When I think of what happened back when I was Martin, it feels like it happened to somebody else.

I talked about that with Dr. Gordon in one of our last sessions ever. She asked if I thought it was more because I was a girl instead of a boy or more because of all the other changes. I couldn't answer her then, and even though I've thought about it ever since, I still don't have a good answer. For a while, I was sure that it was all because I got out of that Hell of a school and into a place where people were on my side helping me. But then I thought: if I'd moved in with my Aunt and Uncle but stayed a boy, I don't think I'd have ever been such good friends with Teresa. I don't think I'd have gotten friends I could tell everything to, people like Doris and Sylvia and Carol. Or even Dennis. I think I'd have been like Zeke, only like he was before I lectured him. Trying to be what I thought a guy was supposed to be like and not even trying to figure out who I really am. I'd have looked cool on the outside, but inside I'd have known something was missing.

But now I think: I don't really need an answer. Maybe it's like when you have a mom and a dad. You don't have to decide who did more to make you you. You're just glad they were both there. I'm glad I got out of West Hell and into Gabriel School. I'm glad I have a family that knows how to support me, even if it isn't the one I was born into. I'm glad I've got friends who have my back. And, last but not least, I'm glad I'm a girl.

(The End)