Doom Valley Prep School 1

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This story is officially dead.
See the Rewrite version HERE, to find the new, improved and expanded story.

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Oh my...

erica jane's picture

This looks fun! I'm looking forward to more.

~And so it goes...

Thanks.

Domoviye's picture

Thanks.
I thought of this idea a few months ago and it's been percolating since then. It's going to be a bit rough, but should smooth out shortly.
Basically it's a very bizarre love child of Harry Potter, Ranma 1/2, Whateley, with a lot of funny cynicism and some parodying of society.

Kyaaaa!

terrynaut's picture

This is a fun romp. I hope your muse is kind to you with this story.

I love the idea. I'd just like to know if the effects of the candy bar are permanent. Hm?

Thanks and kudos (number 14).

- Terry

Too many plot points.

Domoviye's picture

Telling if the effect is permanent or not would actually give away several dozen potential plot points. So sorry no can do.
My muse is pretty jazzed about this, so it will be updated frequently.

Especially when you're going

Domoviye's picture

Especially when you're going to a school for would be evil geniuses, dark magicians, warlords, and politicians.

What a fun one this story

What a fun one this story seems to be. I am looking forward to reading more, as you really have my attention.

Looking forward to this one

Looking forward to this one more than the others. (not saying the others were bad, this just looks more fun)


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Great start

zulu mack's picture

Great start can't wait to read more . So many paths to travel so little time to travel

Hi, I'm studying potions and

Hi, I'm studying potions and poisons, want a candy bar?

Another brilliant example of Peter not quite being on the smart side.

There were more proofreading errors in this story than you usually have.... Did you rush this one?

Yes and No

Domoviye's picture

This is the first draft. I have a bad problem of completing projects, I find t helps if I post it fairly soon to get an idea of what's working and what isn't, and it gives me the initiative to keep going.
Once I get a handle on the universe, and characters it really improves, but until then it is rough looking. So I usually go back and fix up the first few chapters once get the handle I need. I also take what people tell me into serious consideration and run with it unless it goes against what I really want.
I'll go and edit it again today, but it will really start looking up to snuff after three to six chapters.

And yeah, right now Peter really isn't cut out for evil prep school. He, or rather she will improve or die trying.

Blue Security Dragon...

brings up some interesting visuals.

But, as you said, Peter is too trusting for Evil Villain High school. Maybe she can aspire to "dark battle maiden", or some such.

I don't think it was 'too

I don't think it was 'too trusting', really. He was next to someone who seemed reasonable, gave good advice, and was definitely NOT one of the obvious abusers. Why shouldn't he assume that someone who hadn't been there as of yet wasn't quite the hardened level of 'take over the school/world/' as, say, a senior at that school.

Personally, I would suspect that the ones that survive to graduation aren't the flashy ones that stick out. Those get targeted first. The survivors would be 1) those that are strong enough to survive, and clever (not smart) enough to obtain the protections necessary to defend them from what they can't fight off, 2) Those smart AND clever enough to protect themselves from #1 above and others, 3) Those essential to #1 and #2, and being protected by both or either, 4) Those vicious enough to kill threats immediately, but smart enough to know who aren't threats, and 5) Those who manage to avoid being noticed as anything other than as furniture by 1-4. I'm sure that if you think back to school, there was always _someone_ who was there, but unless you had your attention drawn to them, you never realized they were around. Those are different from the 'targets'. Targets are obvious by their attempt to hide. Survivors are non-obvious because they blend in.

Those flashy ones with the whips and chains? Thug material. Those with abilities such as magic and alchemy? Henchmen. Those who would be considered bullies? Minions. Ones like Peter? After a couple of weeks, he (or she) will mostly be just there. (Hm. With the magical switch, there's likely to be some behavioural and psychological alterations because of the physiological alterations. Also, if it's a _good_ switch, then any errors in encoding would be corrected along the way. Not necessarily smarter, but maybe better memory, better hearing, better vision, etc. In other words, everything you'd need to move to the middle of the pack, rather than being the lead, hind, or fringes.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

That's actually very close to

Domoviye's picture

That's actually very close to what I was thinking, although there a few other options that will be seen soon.
Peter is pretty much just as fast, strong, smart and everything else as he was before. A few minor difference, but not enough to really bother with. He was a late bloomer so he hadn't really started to develop more muscle mass or denser bones that girls, or anything else.
However he will have a trick that he can and will exploit, but that comes later. Since he's set on mere survival at this point, if he becomes more paranoid he should be able to pull it off.

And yes, he wasn't really stupid or even extra naive. But it still seems funny.

My parents went...

Which of the many clues did Peter miss? Answer, all of them. I can only hope for her sake that a change in sex flipped a few more gene switches than just the obvious one. Maybe a boost in intelligence or magical talent. And she better hope than her roommate is not the bald girl.

Hmmm...

Jamie Lee's picture

While this chapter was...interesting, the jury is still out.

I'll need to read more to see how interesting it is.

Others have feelings too.

Heh

Tas's picture

This guy had such a good start. He was worried about where he was going, did some research, tried to get out of it but couldn't, and seemed cautious enough to look out for himself for at least a little while.

Then he decided it was a good idea to accept food from the guy going to villain school right after he just mentioned his specialty was potions and poisons.

Ah well, it makes for a good intro, and hopefully he'll be just a bit more paranoid in the future.

Looking forward to more :)

-Tas

Thanks everyone, and yes Peter is an idiot

Domoviye's picture

but he can learn. He was just caught off guard because Michael seemed to be offering good advice.
The next chapter is coming along nicely, things are firming up in my head so it's looking more polished and the teachers are already fun to write about, and while I haven't gotten to the other students, his roommate and a few others in the dormitory are going to be so much fun.

villain school?

giggles.

DogSig.png

Heroes get all the attention

Domoviye's picture

Someone has to the teach the villains how to manage things.

Guess I'm overly cynical. As

Brooke Erickson's picture

Guess I'm overly cynical. As soon as the candy bar was offered I was expecting it to be some sort of trick, what with the "potions and poisons" bit.

To quote Grand Mof Tarkin "You're far too trusting."

Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks

Great. A normal person in a

Great. A normal person in a school full of psychopaths. I think he really needs to figure out a way to set up some sort of mutually assured destruction if he wants to survive.

Not quite that bad

Domoviye's picture

They don't encourage the students to kill each other in fact they discourage it.
It's just if you want to make it out in one piece you'd better be strong, smart, inventive, and lucky.
Honestly compared to some students, getting a sex change on the first day would be seen as getting off easy or even a blessing. Just ask the guy who got turned into a mobile coat rack, he can still do his classes, and doesn't have to worry about spending money on clothes or food, but his social life involves standing quietly in the corner.

Your sense of humor...

Is twisted, but I like it! The mental image of a blue dragon sniffing his armpits for minutes was hilarious. I do hope he wises up pretty fast, though. That offer of a chocolate bar sounded a lot like, "Hi little girl, would you like some candy?"

Maggie

Yes, yes it is.

Domoviye's picture

I've done international air travel, I know how annoying security can be, and I've heard it's even worse in the States, they deserve to be made fun of.
Peter does wise up, if it's enough only time and my demented muse can tell.

I Love this story and hope to

I Love this story and hope to see many. I think she is a some kind of a magic user who is very powerful.

Thanks.

Domoviye's picture

Thanks.
I'll tell you right off the bat she's not special in any way. She's just a regular kid who has to learn to be very quick on her/his feet to survive .

That, of course, ignores the

That, of course, ignores the fact that those that make the biggest impacts and get the most done are the 'normal' people.

Many geniuses (like Albert Einstein) can't even dress themselves properly - someone has to be there to keep everything working.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Yeah.

Domoviye's picture

Yeah.

I have all respect for the normal person who just goes about their life and helps keep their little area running smoothly. I just didn't want anyone thinking Petra would become a powerhouse of magic and power.
She is the butt monkey of the universe, not a Mary Sue.
She's far more interesting that way.

Oh, I simply imagined that

Oh, I simply imagined that she'd be a survivor, that's all. In a universe like this one, those who are just stubborn and mildly clever never end up on top. The best they can hope for is to back up someone like Ella, and simply work in the background.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Gotcha

Domoviye's picture

Petra is going to be a bit more than a background helper for Ella.

The summer trip to Ella's home will be particularly interesting.

Man, meeting all her mothers

Man, meeting all her mothers could take DAYS.... And the cheek pinches!


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

The assassins, back stabbings

Domoviye's picture

The assassins, back stabbings, insane rituals, and occasional palace coups will also be a minor problem.

Eh *hand wave* - Still -

Eh *hand wave* - Still - 250 mothers?


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Yes, but....

Domoviye's picture

Who do you think are the people hiring the assassins?

Manufacturers of birth

Manufacturers of birth control spells.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Adapting

I’m sure she will adapt.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

The chocolate bar

WillowD's picture

With everything he knows about this school and the people that go there, he still eats the first chocolate bar offered to him.

I don't think her survival skills are very good.

Remember. Peter isn't a

Remember. Peter isn't a villain in training, a hero in training, or even a politician in training. He's a relatively normal schoolboy, with a background in their version of the Boy Scouts. He's interested in education - his parents are interested in his either making them look good by succeeding, or not bothering them again.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Pretty much.

Domoviye's picture

Pretty much.

Knocking the stuffing out of Petra early on, just encourages her to improve and survive in interesting ways later in the story. Right now she's the butt monkey put here to amuse us.

Coming late to the party

LibraryGeek's picture

Hadn't noticed this novel before; was glancing down the new postings, hoping for the next Penny Lane installment (I know, it's way too soon for that), and saw your name, and went to myself, "Hmm. Don't I recognize that name from The Crystal Hall?"

So I decided to check it out.
I'm very glad I did.

The MC isn't very genre savvy, no?
Accepting a snack from someone you just met on the way to a school for villains?
That's like asking Jobe to cater your party... at his expense.
You just know it's going to turn out badly.

Yours,

John Robert Mead

I had been doing a lot of

Domoviye's picture

I had been doing a lot of writing a few years ago, but illness, my parents getting sick and passing away, had me stop writing. So its easy its miss this story and my previous stuff on Crystal Hall.

Petra becomes a lot more genre savy and her survival instincts kick in now thst she's been kicked in the guts. She just needed to get in the right mind set.
Glad you like it.

Lesson #1:

Don't take candy from strangers villain school students focusing potions and poisons.

Good worldbuilding

ebony841's picture

I don’t recall there being a quest for divine intervention but it is indeed funny. Pity that I can’t give you further kudos because I had gave one during my reads previously.

Thank you

Domoviye's picture

The temples are a completely new scene.
It helps show off a bit of the world, plus how desperate Peter is to get out of going to Doom Valley.