When I awoke, it was bright daylight. I took a few seconds figuring out where I was. Oh…I was in my girlfriend’s room…or should I say “my lover’s room”? So many things in my life had changed so quickly. The biggest, of course, was meeting Amie and discovering that I was actually a girl in every way except physically. The medication she stole from her dad’s clinic was quickly changing that. My breasts were nearly as large as some of the other girls my age. Down below, what had previously been growing had reversed course. It seemed it was getting smaller by the day. I had not been circumcised, so I had to sit down and hunt among the folds of skin before I could pee. I was hoping my new doctor, Amie’s dad, could do something about that…something involving a scalpel…while I’m asleep, of course. I headed for the restroom and my new breasts bounced slightly. “Awesome,” I thought. I also thought about when Amie said in a year I would catch up with her. Not likely. She had the most awesome breasts! I thought of my mom. Did she have large breasts? Not something you notice about your mom. After going to the bathroom, finding the necessary equipment, and relieving myself, I decided I needed to find Amie. I got my cell phone and pressed “redial”. Hers was almost the only number I called these days…hers and my moms, that is.
“Hello?” Amie sounded wide awake. I still didn’t know what time it was.
“Amie…where are you?”
“I’m in here with my mom. About time you woke up, sleepy girl. Get dressed. You have an appointment with your new doctor. I’ll be right there.”
Instead of getting dressed, I sat on the bed. I knew that Amie would insist on telling me what to wear. She showed up in only about a minute.
“You’re not getting dressed!”
“What should I wear?”
“Oh. I forgot to set it out.” She went to her closet and pulled out a red pleated dress with spaghetti straps. It was very short, of course. “Here honey, she said.” Then she sat on the bed and leaned over. “I didn’t get a good morning kiss, yet.” We kissed and she got her tongue in there, but just a little. “Good morning, honey. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I didn’t hear you come to bed.”
“You were fast asleep. I watched you sleep for a long time. I SO wanted to make love to you! I knew you were tired, though, so I kissed you and went on to sleep. You didn’t even stir.”
“Wow, I must have been in a deep sleep to miss a kiss from you, Amie!”
“Oh, don’t worry. There will be plenty of others. Now, get dressed and let’s go to the doctor. Maybe he can whack it off today, huh?”
“Ouch. OK, as long as he knocks me out first.”
Amie just smiled.
We started out for Amie’s dad’s office. We went in the waiting room and Amie just told the girl at the desk, “I need a room.”
“Hello, Amie. Go ahead to Room 3.”
We got to the room and Amie’s dad came in almost immediately. No waiting for the boss’s daughter!
“Ok, girls…let’s see…Amie go to the front for a little. Send Carol in here.”
After she left, the doctor looked at some note he had and made a few changes. Then he reached under the exam bed and pulled up two stirrups. A pretty nurse came in the door and stood off to the side as if waiting for instructions. The doctor said, “Jamie, this is Carol. I never see female patients without another female adult in the room. I’m sure you can understand why. Carol is aware of you case, and I can assure you nothing regarding your case will leave this office. Now, go behind the curtain and remove all your clothes and put on the gown that’s in there. “
As I started toward the curtain, Carol said, “The opening goes in the back. There are some ties there.”
I put on the gown. I still felt naked and I was cold. I tied in the back as best as I could and came out and got on the exam table.
“Now lie down and put your feet in the stirrups.”
I still felt naked and cold. Now I felt completely vulnerable. I thought to myself, “Doctor, I was in this position last night at your house and your daughter was on top of me.” I could feel him checking my penis and testicles.
Finally, he spoke. “Any problems urinating?”
“Yes,” I replied. “It’s so small, I have to hunt for it before I can pee.”
He smiled. “OK, go ahead and sit up.”
I sat up as he made some more notes. Then, he explained, “I’ll write you some prescriptions for hormones. Carol will give you a shot today. There is no way you can have sex reassignment surgery until you‘re 18 years old, but hormones can stop any development as a male. Your body and voice will develop as a normal female. Then when you reach age 18 I can recommend a surgeon right here in Houston who can perform the surgery. Now, for the problem urinating, I have done some research, and consulting with some of my peers, I have an option that I think will help. I can pin back the excess scrotal skin and pull the head of the penis back and pin it as close to the body as possible. Then, I will reroute the urethra so that it is straight down, exactly as a female urethra should be. Of course, you will not be able to urinate while standing. I discussed the legal aspects of this with your mom, and we feel that, since the procedure is reversible, there is no legal problem with performing this procedure at your age, especially given your advanced sophistication regarding medical and legal issues. This configuration should last until your 18th birthday, when you can have the much more involved and complex operation creating a vagina and other parts of the female genitalia. I have discussed the procedures with your mom at length. She had given me a free hand in dealing with your care, but we have decided that after we have looked at all the options, the final decision should be up to you. Do you understand your options completely?
“Yes, Dr. Adams.”
“And, how would you like to proceed?”
“As soon as possible.”
“Very good. I’m going to have you sign some papers even though your mom has already signed. You are intelligent beyond your years. I’m proud to say that my daughter is also. This procedure is relatively simple and I can do it on an outpatient basis here in my office today. Would you like to proceed?”
“Yes, Dr. Adams. Please do as much as possible to get me down the road to my goal!”
“Will do, honey.” He turned to the nurse. “Carol, ask Judy to get room 7 ready.”
Instead of leaving the room, she took out her cell phone and called Judy with the instructions.
“I’m going to prepare for the procedure while Carol has you sign the papers I mentioned and goes over a couple of other things with you.”
“Thank you, Dr. Adams”
Carol sat down and gave me papers to sign, which she also signed and stamped with her Notary stamp. Then she said, “Jamie, I might not need to even say this, but from this moment on, you will be referred to as a female. Dr. Adams assigned me the job of going through your files and making sure that they show that you are, and always have been, a female. To be completely legal, the procedure the doctor is performing today, and any procedures related to this issue in the future will be documented as a correction of “congenital anomalous genitalia”. No one in this office is to address you in any way as a male. Anyone who does risks termination. Actually, I don’t see anything like that happening, because you don’t resemble a boy anyway. That’s it honey. The surgery should be completely painless. Do you have any questions?”
“Can Amie come back in now?” I was anxious to Amie and tell her about my surgery.
The doctor replied, “Sure. Sit here just a little and we’ll send her in.”
I sat down and he and Carol left. I felt proud that Dr. Adams and Carol didn’t think they had to talk down to me about medical issues. I had already taken two advanced classes in anatomy and, unlike most of the other students, I learned. Learning was as easy to me as breathing. We didn’t have a TV in the house for a long time. She said TV was “stultifying”. She also grew up in a United Pentecostal Church, which saw television as a sin. When she did get a TV it didn’t me long to see what she meant. The few times that my mom and I watched TV, I would sometimes ask my mom, “Did you read that?” She would respond something like, “It was only on the screen a split second! How did you read it?” I couldn’t tell her, of course, except to say, “It doesn’t take me long to read.” That caused my mom to ask the school to do some testing of my I.Q. In addition to a high I.Q., They decided that I had eidetic memory, Asperger’s syndrome and ADHD. My mom wondered aloud if psychologists were paid by the disorder. I was moved to advanced classes, and my mom took me to a psychologist for a while. The psychologist became confused after a few sessions, and tried to refer me to someone else. I have to admit that I did some research on psychological testing before I went for my first appointment. One thing most people don’t know about psychological test is that they include questions designed to detect whether you’re lying. One easy one to spot is, “I sometimes get mad.” Everyone gets mad, of course, and a “no” answer to this is a clue that the patient might be lying on other questions. Another trick used is to ask the same question more than one time, but in different ways. This tact doesn’t work on someone with eidetic memory. Anyway, I suspected that the psychologist was sick of dealing with someone smarter than she was. (I told her that “Doc Martin” put the emphasis was on the second syllable in “Asperger’s”) I don’t think she knew who “Doc Martin” was, but thought she should, and it pissed her off that I knew and she didn’t . She probably had plans to refer me to a fellow professional she personally didn’t like. (Remember the movie “What about Bob”?) My mom sensed her frustration and anger, and dropped the whole psychology idea. She said they were just trying to keep me in therapy until her insurance benefits ran out. She called the psychologist and gave her an earful about malpractice. Doctors here that every day, but this doctor knew that my mom was an attorney, so she apologized profusely, even offering to refund everything she had charged.
But, the result of all this was that I got moved to advanced classes, and that was when I saw the most beautiful work of art that God had ever put on Earth…Amie. It would be months, however, before I was able to speak to her.
A couple of minutes later, Amie came in and shut the door behind her. “Well, lover…what’s the score?”
I did my best to describe the surgery to her. She smiled as she listened. After I finished my attempt to tell her what was going to happen, I said, “Why are you smiling?”
“You don’t realize what this means. First of all, you won’t have to be wearing anything to hide your gear. Also, just the tip of your penis will be exposed. It will be a whole lot like a clitoris. Can you imagine how much better that will make our love making?” She whispered the last two word as if someone would hear.
My heart jumped. “Cool! Amie, your dad is a genius.”
“I know,” she said, “he gets it from me.” She kissed me quickly while watching the door.
We had about a twenty minute wait. Then, another nurse came in and said, “Jamie?” Amie stayed in the exam room, and I followed the nurse down the hall to room 7. To me, it looked to me like a complete operating room. The nurse had me lie on the operating table as she started explaining what I could expect. She explained, “Now, Jamie, you will be given what we call an ‘epidural’. We put a catheter in your lower spine to administer medication to deaden the nerves in you lower body. You will be awake, but you won’t feel anything from the waist down. Sometimes a slight amount of spinal fluid leaks past the catheter. If that happens, you will need to stay on your back for a few hours. If you try to stand, you will get a tremendous headache…believe me, I had an epidural when I had my first child. You won’t want to stand up. Do you have any questions?”
“Yes. Can Amie come in and stay during the operation?”
“I think she probably can. We’re pretty casual around here…especially where family is concerned. I’ll double check with the doctor. Now, can you flip over on your tummy?”
I turned on my stomach. I could feel a cold breeze from the air conditioning. I really felt vulnerable now. I felt her rubbing alcohol on my lower back. Then, I felt a needle stick. “This is just to deaden the area where we’re going to draw spinal fluid,” the nurse assured me.
She waited a couple of minutes for the nerves in the area to be deadened. Dr. Adams and Amie came in wearing green masks. Amie stood next to me and grasped my hand. It was so good to have her there. I felt pressure, but no pain, in my lower back. I waited. After about five minutes, the doctor said, “Do you feel anything on your foot?” I said I didn’t and wondered why he thought I should feel anything on my foot. Then, the doctor said, “Let’s turn her over.”
They turned me on my back and I realized I had absolutely no feeling below my waist, just as I had been told. They had to turn me over without my help. I tried touching my leg and it was like touching someone else. They lifted my legs into stirrups and the doctor went to work. It seemed like forever, but he finally finished. “OK, Jamie, all done. We’re going to move you to another room to let the feeling come back in your lower body. We’ll give you a shot for the pain. When we’re satisfied that you’re ready, we’ll have an ambulance take you home. Carol, get her mom’s number and tell her not to be upset if she comes home and sees an ambulance at her house.”
I so wanted to see what the doctor had done, but I could barely move and my legs felt dead weight of about 200 lbs. They put me in a room and everyone left except Amie. “What does it look like?” I asked her.
She pulled up my cover and looked. “It looks like a lot of bandages. You have a catheter. You don’t have get up to pee until it’s taken out. Try to rest, OK? It might be a while before you’re released.”
I woke up with a feeling of motion. I was being moved to a stretcher. Then, I was rolled down the hall, out the back of the doctor’s office, and into a waiting ambulance. I wondered where Amie was, then I saw her pull her Corvette up behind. “I’m goin’ home!” I thought.
At home, they took me into the front door and to my bedroom. Then, they put me in my bed. They asked if I needed anything and Amie assured them that she would take care of me. The EMT people left. I was glad to be home, and I was glad Amie was there. “Well, that’s step one. How do you feel?”
“With my hands,” I joked.
Amie smiled. “When the catheter comes out, I want to see you try to stand up to pee.”
“I want to see that too. It will be the first time. I saw my dad stand to pee one time when I was about five years old. I thought it was gross. He left a mess on the bathroom floor, too. I thought when he left, ‘At least, now we’ll have a clean bathroom.’”
Amie sighed. “It must be tough to grow up without a dad. My dad was always so strong, and he’s always been there for me. I guess I took it for granted having both parents.“ Her voice broke a little. She kissed me on the forehead. “Sleep…sweet baby,” she whispered.
I didn’t sleep as long as I thought I would. I woke up after an hour. Amie was quietly hanging more of my clothes. She heard me stirring and turned around. “Hello, Honey. I set your laptop on the nightstand. I hope you don’t mind me changing your wallpaper. I put a picture of the ‘twins’ on it.” I smiled. A picture of Amie and me would be perfect wallpaper. She hadn’t turned it off, so it didn’t take but a few seconds for it to “wake up.” When it did, there were the “twins”. It was a picture of Amie…topless and making a blowing a kiss. It was so beautiful it was breathtaking. I smiled…the smile that I guess you would call a “conditioned reflex”, like when a person looks at a picture of a cute child. I heard someone say that if a person looks at a picture of a cute child and doesn’t smile, there’s something wrong with that person. I thought that was a valid assumption, but I definitely wasn’t looking a child. Even though Amie was only 14 years old I figured if she developed any more, she would have back trouble.
“That’s a really precious set of twins. Do they give you much trouble?”
She smiled, “If I run, I have a hard time keeping them still unless I have a really good sports bra on. That’s the only time they’re naughty.”
“Oh, that’s just awful,” I said. “So awful that I hope I have the same problem some day.”
“I’ll bet it’s not as far in the future as you think. From my point of view, it looks like you’re growing by the hour.”
“Yes, it does. Seems like every time I check, which is pretty often, there’s been more development.”
“Amie,” I said, “I’d like to ask you a favor, but I can understand if you say ‘no’.”
“Not that much. Would you go to my mom’s room and find one of her bras and look at the size?”
“Oh, sure. We’re just gathering information. No harm there. They’re huge, I’ll just go see how huge.”
She left the room for a few minutes and came back with a big smile. “Well, some are 34D’s, and some are little bitty tiny 34C’.” If that’s any indication, you better get ready to be carrying a couple of large jugs, you poor dear!”
“But, Jamie, you might not believe this, but you can inherit big boobs from your dad, too!”
“Way! Even though he’s a male, he still carries what you might call the ‘large boob’ gene. That gene lies dormant in him, because the male hormones in his body keep him from developing breasts, but if he has a daughter, the gene goes to work developing the breasts that females in the family are destined to have.”
Changing the subject, she stepped to the side and said, “Look at your closet. I’ve got most of your stuff in there, but it’s just too packed to put anything else. “You’re going to need a bigger closet.”
“I’ll tell my mom. She’ll come up with something.”
“OK. Hey, Jamie, you got room in that queen sized bed?”
“Amie, I would have room for you if I were in a twin bed!”
Amie crawled into bed next to me and snuggled. “You’ve had a lot of sleep. If you want to surf the web, I’ll just lay here next to you and go to sleep.” She sighed a long, peaceful sigh. “I just feel so peaceful here next to you.”
“Rest, Amie. Thank you for everything.” Amie closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. I watched her sleep for a long time, then my eyes started burning (the sandman). I went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that I was loved…by Amie, by my mom, even by Dr. and Mrs. Adams. I was now feeling more love than I ever felt as a boy. It opened my eyes to the value of love in humans. As John Lennon wrote, “All you need is love.” I thought about him. He died in 1980, way before my time…murdered senselessly by a deranged “fan”.
Well, as usual, my mind had wandered far off the “beaten path”. I decided to go back to the subject of love. Love must be like a drug. I had felt love before. The love that my mom showed me was no doubt sincere and unquestionable. But despite that unquestionable love, it seemed that her love had grown immensely with my recent changes. Now that I’ve felt that amazing love, I don’t ever want to be without it. It seemed I never would. So far, everyone who was aware of my new persona was all in favor. But, even thought I was young, I was not unaware of possible pitfalls ahead. I knew there were people out there just waiting for someone to get outside the lines of acceptable societal behavior, to take on society and go her own way. They were delighted when they find someone like that and do their best to destroy them. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” With that thought, I closed my eyes to sleep.
But sleep doesn’t always come easily. It was the end of the summer and Amie and I would be busy packing for school. Another quote came to mind, “The harvest is past, the summer has ended, and we are not saved.” Jeremiah 8:20. Yes…The Bible! I read it when I was 9 years old. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever read. It was tedious at times, yes, but worth it if you persevere. It occurred to me (if this is not sacrilegious) that Amie and The Bible were alike in a lot of ways. Amie was the most beautiful creature ever made, and The Bible was the most beautiful book ever written. They were both inscrutable at times. They both commanded respect and expected that their dictates be observed. They both sought to change a person who is taking a wrong path in life. The more I thought, the more similarities I saw. This was odd to me, because if there was any aspect of Amie I would have thought of, religion was not even in the running.
But, have I said that Amie was beautiful? Yeah, I thought so. There were a lot of beautiful girls in my school, but Amie was beautiful in all caps…BEAUTIFUL.
Of course, there were other translations of the Bible. I read some of the other translations…New International Version, New Living Translation, etc. If ever a mustache was painted on the Mono Lisa, it wouldn’t be a greater crime than what these new translations did to beauty of the King James Version of the Bible. I feel it’s not a coincidence that the Bible was translated by edict of King James. Just as God gave us beautiful tree, rivers, mountains, sunrises, sunsets, and countless other displays of His Glory, The Bible was translated in a time when the English language was an art form. Many of the familiar scriptures are so beautiful that the mere reading brings tears to the eyes.
Many scholars now only study the Bible for what you might call “opposition research”. The advocates of an “open mind” cannot see the irony when they read the greatest book ever written just to nitpick. It’s beyond me how anyone can claim to be educated and well-rounded without a pretty good knowledge of the Bible. With these and a thousand other thoughts churning in my mind, I saw there was no other way to get to sleep, so I woke up Amie and got her to give me a good dose of pain meds. Finally, I drifted off.
The next morning, I was able to get around carefully. I was ready to get the bandages off to see what I had…or didn’t have. We were to leave for school soon, but Dr. Adams said he could remove the bandages just before we left. I still had the catheter, so I had to empty the bag every once in a while. (Gross) Amie was taking over the job of picking what clothes I would bring…no surprise there. We would be making the 100 mile trip to San Antonio in the Corvette, so Amie’s parents were hiring a guy with a large van to move all our clothes and other possessions we couldn’t do without.
Everything had happened so fast that I hadn’t had time to realize how much change was happening in my life. Oh…just about everything. I took consolation in the fact that the changes were all positive. There were, of course, a few unpleasant things. I would be away from my mom. I would be away from my favorite teachers. This was one time in my life, however, when not having many friends was actually a positive thing. I could sincerely say that I would not miss the friends I didn’t have. I used to tell my mom, “If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably a friend of mind.”
But now I had Amie. She was so totally in control and self confident. When I was with her I felt a lot like her. I guess she was a crutch. But, hey…if you need a crutch…use it. It’s better that falling on your face. I loved my little Amiecrutch, though. She sincerely loved me, too. Of course, I’m no judge of character, but she says she loves me and what would it gain me to question her? I was not going to allow suspicion or paranoia affect our relationship. I was head over heels for my beloved Amie.
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