Previously…

“A friend of mine once told me we are who we are by the grace of God, my dear girl. I’ve waited for you all my life, and now I’ve found you and you’ve found me. I do not know what the future may hold for us, but for tonight, we’re just two friends getting to know each other, though I feel I know you already. Will you know me as well?”

Bobbie LoBianco smiled nervously; not the nervousness of shame or doubt or fear, but merely the nervousness of wanting to do everything just right for the girl she had loved for so long even if she had only met her the day before. Anneke pulled her close and kissed her again even as the music drifted up the stairwell from the living room below and filled the bedroom with bliss.

Eylandt Street, South Shore, Staten Island, March, 1954…

Bobbie LoBianco smiled nervously; not the nervousness of shame or doubt or fear, but merely the nervousness of wanting to do everything just right for the girl she had loved for so long even if she had only met her just before New Years a few months before. Anneke pulled her close and kissed her again even as the music drifted up the stairwell from the living room below and filled the bedroom with bliss.

April, 1954...

“Please, Bobbie?” Anneke pleaded as the young man stood at the bedside, throwing clothes into a duffel bag.

“I’m….” He put his head down even as his face grew red. The dilemma pulled at him painfully.

“Why, Bobbie?” Anneke put her hand on his shoulder. He winced and stepped around to the other side of the bed, pushing past her as softly as he could manage. How could he stay? What could he do that wasn’t shameful? No matter which choice he made, he felt as if he was betraying himself and in so doing, betraying Anneke.

“It….I have to go,” he sighed. He stared out the window to the street below. Nothing he did would be the right thing; only the lesser of two poor choices.

“They need me.” He breathed out a heavy sigh.

“Your brothers can help? Why does it have to be you? We….and you’re just getting started.” Anneke turned and stared at the open closet. In their case, a secret shared was a secret doubled in a way, since she had been helping her lover move past fear’ with an understanding just beginning to form out of news from other places with other, easier sensibilities. And of course, Anneke immediately questioned herself; feeling bad about trying to dissuade Bobby from helping his brothers with their mother.

He caught a glimpse of his reflection as he turned toward the doorway. The mirror over the dresser didn’t lie, but it might have fibbed a bit or maybe he was fibbing to himself. The man wasn’t big or strong or anything his family would expect upon his arrival. Even after only a few months with Anneke and her mother Mieke, the person he had always been emerged enough to at least blur lines and ideas and beliefs, and it was literally a shame that Bobbie was retreating to satisfy someone else even as she had begun to live.

“Bobby must do what Bobby must do, min datter,’ Mieke said softly from the doorway. She opened her arms and welcomed her erstwhile in-law into a farewell hug.

“Wherever you go, Kære we will be right here,” she said, patting the young man’s chest.

“And you here,” she pointed to her own heart. Anneke shuddered at the words the finality of her lover leaving perhaps forever. She burst into tears and pushed past Mieke and down the stairs, leaving Mieke and Bobbie staring at the doorway.

“I believe….We believe…. God zal met u gaan…. And will lead you in the way you should go. I know this is hard for you….maybe harder than before since you came out of your hiding and now you must return. But my Johanna believed in you as the one you have been the past few months….a blessing to my Anneke….and to me. And I will believe for your return. Not just here, but there as well.” She smiled and pointed to the closet door.

A short while later….

The taxi pulled away from the curb and moved slowly down the street. Mieke stood next to Anneke, rubbing her back softly as the girl leaned against the front doorway, sobbing.

“God zal een weg te maken….” She kissed Anneke’s cheek as the girl turned and buried her face in Mieke’s sleeve.

Tuckahoe, New York, several weeks later…

“You okay, Bob?” Tony put his hand on his brother’s back. As close to affection as the family got, since hugging wasn’t something boys did.

“Just….”

“I’m sorry,” Carmine said as he walked into the living room. He handed Bobby a mug of coffee.

“Wasn’t your fault,” Bobby said with a sigh. Both older brothers missed the horror of Korea. Carmine had already served in North Africa and had one good leg to show for it. Tony was stationed state side; serving as security for a munitions plant in New Jersey.

“I….” Tony turned away. The newness of Bobby’s arrival had already worn off and all three LoBianco boys were feeling the stress of the task at hand. Tony had been at home; taking a leave of absence from school. Carmine did what he could, but taking care of their mom had taken its toll on them both, and they needed a break now that Bobby had returned home. Splitting their mother's care was helpful, but who can bear up under the anticipation of grief that comes from a parent who is dying?

“Please don’t be angry at me?” Tony sighed in reply.

“We don’t get to tell our bosses where we want to go. You stayed here because they said so. I understand. Really.” He shrugged. Something was going on that was very apparent to Carmine and Tony.

“Sounds like you’re upset anyway, damn it. I’m trying as hard as I can.” Tony pled. Carmine nodded and Bobby half-smiled; leaving Tony confused.

It…it has nothing to do with you, Tony. Really. Just let it alone, okay?” Bobby said sharply before walking quickly down the hall to his mother’s room. Carmine turned to Tony and shrugged in confusion. Tony nodded slightly.

“We’re doing a really good job of dancing around the elephant in the room, Carm….” He looked down the hall and continued.

“I don’t know what the fuck to think about it, but I’m not about to lose my baby brother. He’s hurt…deep inside, Carm, and it didn’t start when he got to Korea. I don’t get it at all, but hell, you should understand above anyone else. At least when it comes to being over there. The shit he saw? The stuff he went through? And….” Tony’s voice trailed off as he looked down the hallway once again in his own confusion. Between what he was learning in school and what he read, the combat fatigue might be the least of Bobby’s worries, but what could he possibly do? The answer would be fortuitous if completely awkward and heart-rending.

Sunday afternoon, a few weeks later...

“Mommy? You up for some soup? Carm made some minestrone.” He put his hand on the low post of the footboard to steady himself. Patty smiled weakly and nodded.

“Bobby? Are you alright?” she asked. He stopped at the doorway. A long answer might help later and a short answer wouldn’t really do, so he lied.

“Yeah, mom. You mind if I eat lunch with you?” She smiled again with a bit more energy. He walked out and in a few minutes was back with a tray table with two bowls of minestrone. He put the table down to left as he sat down in the folding chair by her bed. Slow, tender efforts at feeding her had little success other than the connection it provided for them.

“Sorry….not too hungry,” she said with a half-frown. She was a proud woman who had worked every day of her life from the time she was little. Always about everyone else and what she could do; a housewife, a mother, even a nurse when the boys were old enough to care for themselves. Bobby turned and faked a cough to hide his tears; torn in two over her impending death and the death of his own soul now that he had returned to his life at home. Hislife.

“Bobby? You know you can’t fool me?” Her voice was weak but her tone was strong; conviction that shoved illness aside at least for the moment as the strong mother he always knew. He took one last stab at fibbing, but she rose up on her elbows and spoke.

“Come here!” She used her glance to point to the empty chair. He walked over and sat down.

“Mommy needs to know you’ll be okay, honey. Okay?” He shook his head slightly and she grabbed his wrist with more strength than he had seen since he came home. She squeezed and then patted his wrist before using her hand to pull his face closer; intimate and precious encouragement.

“We know why you’re sad, baby.” She sighed and he stifled a gasp at the word. He was sad. And he was heartbroken about her and how little time she had left. But they shared a secret that no one else could understand.

“I think…. Maybe I need time with Bobby, okay?” He winced and she patted his cheek softly.

“Carmine will be at work tomorrow and Tony is going to be in school, so we have all day, baby.”

“That….it’s gone, Mom. We can’t.” His heart was pounding and he began to cry.”

“No, Bobby. Not…yet. Please? If not for you then for me? I thought I had lost you. Both of you.”

“No, please?” He continued to cry; ashamed and scared even as his mother’s love began to gently pull away his defenses.

“For me, mi figlia?”

The next day…

The woman stood at the dresser looking at her reflection. She sighed in frustration until she heard a voice from behind.

“Honey, it’s okay. Just think Jean Arthur instead of Rita Hayworth. And I’ve always said that green becomes you.”

“I… I’m not a kid anymore, Mommy,” the woman said; her endearment almost contradicting her. But she was no longer a teen in Bobby Sox but a mature woman; handsome if not pretty in that way.

“No, but you still have so much of you to share. And now? Things are new and people are changing.”

“I can’t, Mom.”

“You may? Who knows, my baby?” Her endearment spoke to her child’s role in her heart. She patted the bed and Bobbi walked slowly toward her. She wore a simple green dress; full skirted with low heels. Clip on paste diamonds and a matching necklace and green pumps completed the look. She sat down and smoothed out her skirt nervously before bursting into tears as she fell into her mother’s arms.

“Mom?” A voice called from the hallway. Bobbi sat up and looked at the closed bedroom door in fear. Patty grabbed her son’s hand even as a soft knock came at the door followed by not one but two voices.

“Is it okay to come in, Mom?” Tony asked followed by Carmine.

“We ran that errand you wanted, Mom?”

“Yes, boys? Please?” Patty squeezed Bobby’s hands even as a look of horror crossed his face. The door opened softly as her sons walked into the bedroom. Bobby shuddered a bit as they approached the bed. Carmine held a bottle of wine and four stemmed goblets in his hand. Tony held a garment bag. He placed it at the foot of the bed.

“I don’t know what this all means, but Mom told us about your letters and how things were with you right after Dad died. How you and she…” Tony paused as his gaze darted back and forth between Bobby and their mother.

“I’m not happy with this at all,” Carmine interjected, evoking a gasp from Bobby.

“I….I still love you, kid. I just don’t understand.” His eyes plead for forgiveness. Bobby went to grab his hand but pulled back. Carmine leaned closer and took his hand anyway.

“I’m not happy because I don’t get it. But you get it, you know? And….you….”

“You’ll know this better than anyone. It’s all crazy, I know. And I hope I can ….” Tony interjected.

“No…no…” Bobby began to sob. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. Tony had zipped open the garment bag, revealing a dress.
Navy blue with gold piping. Bobby gasped once again as Patty put her hand on his back.

“You always liked this one, honey. Tony took it to the cleaners to spruce it up.” Bobby turned around in disbelief; facing all three in turn as they smiled back at the baby in the family.

“And there’s a few packages we put in your room to go along with a few suitcases for your trip.”

“Trip?” Bobby wiped the tears from her chin with her hand.

“You’ve got a tour to make…. Not like Korea, you know, but just as important. Daddy left some money…a lot of money in fact.“ Carmine smiled.

“Short trip at first. There’s a doctor in the city you need to see. I did a bit of research and asked a few questions. And this….” Tony pulled a newspaper out of his jacket; the head line read ‘Ex-GI Becomes Blond Beauty.’

“You knew?” Bobby turned to his mother who shrugged and laughed softly.

“A mother always knows, baby.”

“We don’t have to figure this all out and we…Tony and me? We don’t have to understand. We just love you, kid,” Carmine said as his eyes filled with tears.

“For me?” Patty insisted once again with a wry smile. Of course it would be for her, but most of all it would be for the baby in the family. Her only daughter, so to speak. Bobby looked at them all in turn once again as they nodded in question. Bobby nodded back before falling back into Patty’s arms once again.

St. Joseph's Cemetery, Yonkers, New York, a few weeks later...

The well-wishers approached the family. Two men dressed in suits and one young man dressed in his uniform at his mother’s last request. A proud mother who raised children of character and caring. Tony patted Carmine on the back and motioned for them to move a few feet away.

Bobby stepped close to the grave and took off his cap and spoke.

“I’m… so happy we had some time before….” He hesitated. Looking over at his brothers, he took a deep breath.

“This isn’t good-bye, Mom. I’ll still be here…” He patted his chest.

“ I love you so much. I’ll see you, okay?” Sgt. Robert LoBianco wiped his face with his jacket sleeve and walked back to his brothers. Carmine stepped close and did something he could have sworn only weeks before that he’d never do. He kissed Bobby on the cheek. Pulling back, he and Tony smiled as Tony spoke.

“Andare con Dio la nostra sorella,”

Jacobsen's Book Dealers, Staten Island, New York, 1957….

The tall woman walked into the back of the bookstore and into the storeroom. Two sets of eyes fell upon her and two smiles greeted her as well.

“Are you two finished with inventory?” Anneke turned to Bobbi and nodded. Two spinsters who had gained an odd if quiet ‘notoriety’ in the neighborhood as maybe being ‘those' kind of girls. But in Staten Island in their neighborhood back then, it was pretty much live and let live. And so they did. She pulled Bobbi close to her and looked over her shoulder. Mieke turned and walked out of the storeroom, but not before she winked and smiled. She closed the door behind her as Anneke pulled her lover close. And Bobbi leaned closer and bestowed upon Anneke another one of many forbidden kisses that would span a lifetime.

Thy people will be my people my love...

Whither Thou Goest
Words and music by
Guy Singer
As performed by
Les Paul and Mary Ford
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp9mMpBFHUc

Vaya Con Dios
words and music by
Larry Russell, Inez James,
and Buddy Pepper
as performed by
Les Paul and Mary Ford
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dpDD0_7tj4