The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2590 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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This episode dedicated to the memory of Terry Pratchett, who died today.

“You’ll be aware that we’ve been threatened and harassed for several weeks culminating in the attack at Reading FC’s ground when one of the security guards used a gun dropped by one of the thugs to shoot him.”

“Why’d he have to shoot him?”

“Because he was trying to kill me.”

“Why would he want to kill a professor of ecology?”

“I didn’t think it was because he had a dormouse phobia.”

“Is there such a thing?”

“If there is I suspect it would be something like glyridaephobia.”

“Sounds pretty ’orrible.” He paused to think about being phobic of dormice. “They’re cute little things, aren’t they?”

“Our only native species has to be one of the cutest critters on the planet.”

“So why are the Russians wanting to kill you and your footballing daughter? I saw those goals on the news—she’s something else isn’t she?”

“We’re very proud of her.”

“You still haven’t told me why they want to kill you?”

“It’s about the bank.”

“Which bank?”

“Talk to Special Branch, tell them I agreed you could speak with them, they’ll give you chapter and verse.”

“It would be quicker if you told me.”

I sighed and began to explain the situation as I was aware of it, excluding certain details. Twenty minutes later he declared, “Well that makes some sort of sense.”

“Glad it does to you, because it doesn’t to me.

“I can see why a car backfiring could set you all in a bit of a panic, it can sound like small arms fire.” It was dark so he won’t have noticed the chunks out of the masonry or the blood in the drive. Thank goodness for small mercies.

Once he’d gone I tried calling Jim but his phone must have been turned off. I called Pia down. “I don’t know if your mother knows where you are but I feel you’d better tell her and ask if you can stay the night. I don’t know if there are any further hostiles out there so you’d better stay until daylight.”

“Cool,” was all Pia said. She and Danny went off together to call her mother.

“Is that wise?” asked Stella, “I don’t fancy waking up dissected.”

“I don’t think you will.”

“You don’t think—don’t you know?”

“No, for all I know the kitten could waiting to launch an attack upon you at this very second.”

“She’s asleep on my bed,” said Trish, “why did she smell funny?”

“I don’t know, perhaps she’s changed her deodorant,” I lied know full well that she’d fallen in the bin.

“Could be, “ said the brain walking away. “They don’t use deodorants, do they?”

“How would I know?”

“You’re a biologist, Mummy.”

“So I am.”

“Do they?”

“Do they what, darling?”

“Use deodorants?”

“I doubt it, but I don’t study cats.”

“Don’t seem to study much at all these days,” she muttered under her breath and Simon told her to watch her step or she’d be grounded.

“Grounded? I can’t go anywhere anyway thanks to stupid banks and even stupider Russians.”

“That stupid bank has looked after my family for two hundred years. What d’you think pays for your education?”

“Mummy does.”

“Not quite.”

“I’m sure she does.”

“I think I know which bills I pay, Trish, I’m a banker, remember?”

“But Mummy pays my fees.”

“She used to. I pay them now along with your sisters’.”

She walked away shaking her head. A short while later, I got the younger children off to bed and read them a story. On returning downstairs, Pia told me her mum was okay about her staying providing I said it was all right.

I wasn’t sure where to sleep her, Danni offered to let her share her room but I vetoed that immediately. In the end I made up one of the attic rooms which were usually kept for storage. Julie said she’d warned David and Lorraine to be aware of what happened earlier and to stay indoors until the morning.

Danni loaned Pia a nightdress, I hoped that perhaps she’d dealt with some of her issues and reverted to the previously polite child she’d been as a boy before the assault in France. Or was she already consumed with personal identity issues. For that matter was Danielle? I wasn’t aware of it if she was but she took to girldom with such ease it made me wonder.

We were about to go to bed when my mobile peeped, it was James. “Where have you been?”

“We had some rubbish to dispose of.”

“Are you coming back or do we need to mount a guard all night?”

“No I need to go home for some clean clothes. Chas and Dave will watch over you.”

“Was it one of them who left the rubbish?”

“Yes.”

“Tell him thanks.”

“Will do. I’ll be back down tomorrow.”

“Will it be safe to let the girls go to school?”

“Yes.”

“And the rest of us work?”

“I should think so, just keep your eyes open.”

“See you tomorrow.”

He rang off and I told Simon we should be okay tomorrow according to the gospel of James. He smiled at my pun and I shrugged and kissed him. We went to bed but didn’t sleep for a while. Why is it that danger makes men excited and women tired? By the time I’d had a little wash Simon was fast asleep. He’d gone by the time I woke the next morning. Sometimes I wonder if him being here at all is just a dream, then I went to get up and a tenderness in a certain area meant it wasn’t—a dream. Either that or we have a rather nice incubus staying here—given the number of women here, he could have a devil of a job.

Everyone seemed a bit tired at breakfast except Pia who declared she’d slept like a log. I asked her which school she was attending and she told me she was being home schooled although the teacher who came to her wasn’t much good. I left her at home while I took the girls to school and then returned to collect her and take her home.

It would have been impolite not to speak briefly with her mother so I was lumbered for a few minutes. She was pleased that Danni and Pia had made up their differences. Once Pia had gone indoors, I informed her that Danni didn’t have many issues from the beginning, but that we did, it being me who’d asked for the restraining order.

For a moment she looked shocked but recovered quite quickly admitting if the situation were reversed she’d have done the same. We discussed the home schooling matter and I told her that I’d had a good woman teacher who’d got Danielle up to speed quite quickly. She asked if I’d paid then said she wouldn’t be able to afford it. I decided I wasn’t going to be conned into funding it for her and took my leave feeling a little bit mean, but pleased that I’d not volunteered to help. If Pia had been an ordinary transgender child (sounds like an oxymoron if ever there was one) I might have been tempted to help or ask Simon to consider some sort of scholarship, but Pia isn’t. She’s shown herself to be an unpredictable and thus potentially dangerous teenager and whilst I suspect she won’t do anything like she did to Danni to anyone else, I can’t be sure.

I felt that the reason she hurt Danni was because they’d shared the trauma of the assault and had remained friends afterwards, even playing at dressing up and makeup—which caused Danielle to discover the joys of girlydom and me to wonder a great deal about her.

This mood prevailed until I arrived at the university and Delia’s greeting woke me from my reverie. “At least there are no press today.”

“Quite,” I yawned back.

“Ooh and what were you up to last night, then?” she asked in a seductive voice.

“Dealing with an attack by the Russian secret service, why?”

“You’re joking.”

I glared at her.

“You’re not joking.”

I nodded and went into my office.