Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 3

Hot water ran down my body as I took my morning shower. Wiping some soap from my eye’s I thought back to last night and Mum and Avril’s behaviour as they had teased and tormented those guys. I hoped that they cut the evening short soon after I had left just as they promised. Switching of the shower I grabbed a towel and patted myself dry. I stepped out of the white basin onto the floor and picking up some scented talc I sprinkled some on my legs and feet massaging it into the skin. Taking my short pink dressing gown from the door I pulled it round myself and stepped out into the bedroom. I crossed the room and sat at the dresser and started to dry my hair.

Just over thirty minutes later I was ready to head out for my morning work out. A white pleated tennis skirt surrounded my fast browning legs, and a tight white tee-shirt with the words “Look but don’t touch” in bold pink lettering covered my upper body. I picked up my bag with my work out gear inside and dropping in my cigarettes and lighter I opened my cabin door.

I decided to take a quick check on Mum and Avril so I knocked on their door, no response I tried the handle it opened I stepped inside.

“You awake” I called as I walked inside.

“Keep it down” a voice said from the corner.

There sat Avril with a glass of cloudy water in her hand, she took a swig and winced slightly.

“Hungover” I asked.

“Well done Sherlock, of course we are.”

“Mum not up yet.”

“No she’s still dead to the world” she said nodding towards the bedroom.

“What time did you get back?” I asked.

“We got back about three thirty” she said taking another drink from her glass.

“Oh” was all I could say. “I’m, I’m just going for a workout you two going for breakfast” I enquired.

“I doubt it, the very thought of food makes me want to hurl,” she replied.

Hurl, I thought to myself, so lady like, Avril had obviously skipped Swiss finishing school.

“Well suit yourselves.”

“We will” Avril said in that superior tone she uses to make me feel small.

I left the cabin and headed for the exercise deck. Three thirty I though to myself that was nearly four hours after I had called it a night so Mum had lied to me she had had no intention of finishing of the night early. They had continued to party with those guys, at least there had been no obvious sign that they had gone back to the room so I was pretty sure that nothing had happened, but Mum’s behaviour last night and her flirting still disturbed me after all she was married to my Dad.

I emerged into the bright sunlight and found a seat to sit on the shady side of the ship. I sat and pulled out my VS 120’s lighting one up I still marvelled at the slim cigarette of my dreams. “Need too get some more” I said quietly to myself as I sat puffing away. Finished I extinguished it in a sand pit close by and headed towards the exercise deck.

The sun was hot as I exited the changing rooms and began a light jog around the small track. A pink baseball cap shielded my eyes and head from the sun. The cap had been another of my resourceful mother’s purchases as she had set me up. She had even had the cheek to by one emblazoned with the crest of my favourite football team but of course in the ladies version. Mother’s are so devious I thought as I picked the pace up a bit my trainers pounding on the boards as I completed another lap.

Ten minutes later I was back in the gym and doing some sit ups. My concentration was not fully on the task my mind being drawn back to last night. It disturbed me in some way, I had no proof that anything had gone on between Mum, Avril and the guy’s but it still bothered me. I mean Avril can flirt and fuck whoever she likes but my Mum that’s another story. My Dad was at home trying to save the life of two young girls not much older than me and she was acting like this like she had forgotten him. I mean as far as I knew I don’t think she had even called him. One thing was for sure I needed to give Dad a call and see how things were at home.

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I spent the afternoon by the pool. It was not as hot as yesterday so dressed in a one piece red swimsuit with a white wrap round skirt I stretched out on a sun lounger with a book and passed the day reading.
There was no sign of either Avril or my mother which troubled me a bit but then there were several sun decks on the ship and they could have been on any one of them. Hours passed, glancing at the little gold plated watch Mum had thoughtfully provided for me I noted that it was just before five so sliding my book back in my shoulder bag I got up and headed back to my room to get ready for my meeting that night with Mhari.

Back at my room I knocked on Mum’s door just to check on them, Avril opened it.

“Hi stranger where you been all day?” she asked.

“Just relaxing with a book, where’s Mum”

“She’s in the shower.”

“Where were you all day?” I enquired.

“Oh we met another couple from Scotland we were up on their deck just chatting, why?”

“No reason, just wondered.”

“You are coming for dinner with us tonight?”

“Eh yeah but then I need to go and meet Mhari a girl I met at the gym yesterday for a drink.”

“Fine we’ll just party by our self” she said a disturbing little glint in her eye.

“Ok, see you in about an hour” I said turning my back and heading out of the cabin. This bitch was trouble I thought to myself as I crossed the walkway to my cabin.

Tossing my bag into the corner I picked up the TV remote and scanned the channels to see if there were any news programmes. Finding the BBC station I watched on to see if there were any developments back home. Nothing other than the usual update saying there were no new leads on the missing girl and no shots of dad so I hit the shower.

An hour later I was ready, dressed in a slim fitting pastel blue dress with matching 3 inch heels. I transferred my things to a white leather clutch bag and left the cabin. Just as I stepped out Mom and Avril came out of their room looking like two tarts in heat. Mom had an alarming tight short black dress on with a slit up the side and black heels which must have been fully five inches high. Avril on the other hand had a purple lycra type dress on with a black leather panel down each side and heels just as high as Moms.

“Eh you both look smart” I lied.

“Thanks dear” Mom replied.

Avril looked over, “You could have been a bit more adventurous, I mean you’ll never pull like that” she said winking at Mom. They both laughed as they turned and clip, clopped of leaving me to follow behind wondering what the punishment was for throwing someone overboard!

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We made our way to the Balcony Restaurant and found a table overlooking one of the decks below. We sat in silence each scanning the menu as the waiter delivered two glasses of wine for Mom and Avril and a glass of mineral water for me. There starting early I thought to myself but at least there was no sign of the guys they were with last night, but then the night was early and I was not going to be with them all night which concerned me a good deal.

Mom broke the silence “What are you having Tracey” she asked.
“Just an egg salad” I replied.

“You watching your figure” was the instant retort from Avril.

I just smiled and closed the menu lifting my drink and taking a sip before opening my clutch bag and taking out my cigarettes. I lit one inhaling deeply, my lips gripping it so tight with my increasing anger at Avril and her bitchy comments. The thing was though as much as I hated her comment an aspect of it was right. Two weeks ago before all this I would have been first to claim the rather large cheeseburger and chips that the guy was eating at the table across from us or a large steak, but since I had become Tracey I had noted that my food intake both in portion size and in what I ate had definitely altered. Finishing my cigarette I crushed it out in the ashtray just as our food arrived.

Dinner was to its usual high standard, I had noticed however that there had been a noticeable increase in alcohol intake by both Mum and Avril. By the time I was preparing myself to leave then a bottle of red wine had already gone and another was on its way.

“I better go and meet up with Mhari” I said as I rose from the table.

“Have a nice evening” Mum said as I stepped away from the table.

“Don’t wait up” was Avril’s parting shot as I turned and walked away.

The ships decks were busy as I made my way across the boat some passengers just heading out for their evening meal while others were already heading for either the cinema or the cabaret show. I was meeting Mhari at a small bar/club on the far side of the ship. Finding the bar I poked my head inside scanning the couple of dozen people I could not see her so I spotted a small smoking area just along from the ship and decided to have a quick cigarette while I waited. I sat down and lit up blowing some smoke rings into the quickly darkening skies.

“Hi gorgeous” a voice from behind me said.

“Chris, are you stalking me or something” I asked.

“Would it bother you if I was” he replied with a cheeky grin. “You going into Decks” he said pointing to the bar behind.

“Yeah I’m waiting on Mhari a girl I met on board were just going for a couple of drinks and a bit of girly chat” I replied as I took a draw from my cigarette.

“I’m off duty soon and would love to join you but I’ve been on since 5 this morning and I’m shattered”

“Yeah I’m sure you would like to join us but you’re not allowed are you” I said with a playful grin spreading across my face.

“No your right I’m not, but I’m still taking you out for the day in Barcelona” he replied.

“Well”

“Well, well nothing you’re coming and that’s final no arguments we will just have a fun day and be back in time for dinner, ok.”

“Eh Ok” I nodded.

“Good” he stepped forward and bending forward he planted a light kiss on my forehead. “See you Sunday babes and be good” he said as he walked off.

“Tracey” a voice called.

Looking up I saw Mhari approaching.

“You’re a dark horse, landing one of the crew already” she said smiling as she approached.

“Oh, Chris he’s just someone I met when I was having a smoke on deck the other night”

“Looks nice, can you get me one as well” she said with a giggle.

“Let’s go” I said taking her arm and leading her towards the club door.

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Our evening was a nice one the music was good we had a few drinks and a good girly chat. We mixed with a few other passengers single and couples we danced laughed and just enjoyed the night. For me it worked a treat as it kept my mind of what might be going on with Mum and Avril while I was out of sight.

“You going ashore tomorrow” Mahri asked as we strolled along the deck on the way back to our cabins.

“Don’t know what mom and Avril are doing.”

“Come with me then, my parents are history freaks they have a couple of museum’s lined up to visit, I just want to hit a few shops.”

I stopped by the rail looking out over the ocean and lit a cigarette “Maybe, but only if you come ashore with me when we dock in Barcelona.”

“Why”

“Well you met Chris tonight well he’s……”

“He’s asked you on a date” she squealed excitedly.

“It’s not a date he just kind of pressured me into it, I’ve not really said yes yet” I said taking a deep drag on the menthol cigarette I blew the smoke out over the ocean.

“But don’t you just want to get him on your own.”

“No I don’t,” I said aware of the fact that a blush was spreading on my face and hoping that Mhari would not see it.

“Well I don’t know I mean three’s a crowd”

“Look that’s the deal I said I come ashore with you tomorrow and you come with me in Barcelona”

She looked at me and smirked “Ok might be fun watching him make his move on you, just tell me when you want me to make myself scarce” she giggled and playfully pushed my arm.

“We have a deal”

“Yes we have a deal” she replied as we continued on our way back to our cabins.

Mhari and I parted soon after with arrangements to meet around midday for our on-shore excursion. Walking along the corridor to my cabin I paused outside Mom’s cabin, should I check if they were back, would that seem like stalking? I paused wondering whether to knock the door or just walk on by. Finally I decided to leave it after all what had happened last night had concerned me enough without any further evidence. The sound of a couple of other passengers descending the stairs behind made up my mind I slipped along the corridor and opened my own cabin and stepped inside closing the door behind me.

“Guess I’ll just have to wonder” I said out loud to myself and began to get ready for bed.