"So what do you think of Mr O'Rourke then?"

"He's very nice," I allowed.

"Only very nice, haven't you fallen in love with him yet?"

"I love someone else, but I fell in lust within twenty seconds." I joked.

She laughed, "I thought this blood felt hot." She continued removing it from me and labelling the little vials. "So you're Stella's little sister?"

Easy As Writing two a day.
by: Verbal Diarrhoea
part 100 + Heinz.

I left the restaurant at half past two, the professor and I talked about many things, most of then concerning me. He tried to reassure me that everything was going so well, except my father's attitude, in which case he'd just have to lump it. Had I got to such a state that I couldn't see all this?

It appeared I had, was I becoming a depressive? Oh boy, I thought of Mary and felt a shudder. Depression wasn't catching was it?

"Come on I'll give you a lift to the hospital," said Prof Agnew and we set off towards his Landrover. The ancient four wheel drive clanked into life, it was so noisy, it was impossible to have any sort of conversation, so he was unlikely to be done for using a mobile phone whilst driving.

He dropped me at the main entrance and I looked over the plan to find the Department of Urology, so this was Stella's realm, bladders and prostates and the rest of the urinary apparatus. Fancy spending all your time looking at men's, oh gross! Well okay, Simon's was rather nice, but it did come with the rest of the package. But then, worse, dealing with women's ugh!

I was glad I wasn't a gynaecologist either, mind you, I'd have had difficulty operating on myself anyway. Obstetrics, they could be fun, helping folks make babies, but then I remembered, I'd need a miracle rather than an obstetrician.

"I have an appointment to see Mr O'Rourke," I told the receptionist.

"What's the name please?"

"Watts, Catherine Watts."

"What time was it?"

"Three o'clock."

"Please take a seat, he's running a bit late."

I sat down on a scruffy plastic stacking chair, designed to give work to the spinal surgeons. I pulled out my Blackberry to check my emails.

"Catherine Watts," a nurse in white top with red edging and red trousers called my name. I stood up, and walked towards her, closing down my little electronic wonder. "Are you Stella's sister in law?"

"Nearly," I said my answer being multi-levelled.

"We all like Simon, he's such a brick. What a lovely suit?" She led me into a consulting room with desk, computer and examination couch, a screen to obstruct views from the door, and a second room or cupboard off to the left. "Have a seat, someone will be with you in a few minutes."

I put my coat over the back of the chair, this time a slightly more expensive stacking chair, but padded enough to be comfortable for up to half an hour's sitting. A bit like some bike saddles I'd encountered.

Stella had told me this guy looked like George Clooney, which could be true or he might look like Shrek, Stella and her jokes. Quite honestly I didn't care what he looked like if he could do the job I wanted him to do, and she seemed to think he could, as did my shrink.

"No sugar in mine," said a voice that came louder along with the soft footsteps of rubber soled shoes. "Hi, You're Cathy, Oi'm Mike O'Rourke," this was accompanied by the most amazing smile I think I've ever seen. It was an Irish George Clooney, with a slightly deeper voice and sparkling blue eyes.

He was talking but I wasn't taking on board the words, I was simply looking at this beautiful man in front of me. He suddenly clapped his hands.

"Cathy Watts, you have not listened to one word Oi've just said, have you?"

"No sir," I blushed.

"Why not?" continued the soft brogue, I felt all woosy inside.

"I was thinking of Dr Thomas."

"Why wouldya be t'inking of her now?"

I shook myself and tried to concentrate. Thank goodness, I'd be unconscious when this demi-god was playing around with my genitals, otherwise I'd be asking him to road test it before I left the theatre.

"It was her who referred me, with a supporting referral from Dr Winthropp."

"D'at was t'day?"

"Yes," I checked my mouth in case I was drooling. Those eyes were dancing a tango with me.

"Right, so you're Stella Cameron's sister in law?"

"Not until you correct the plumbing," I smiled, "but that is one of the desired outcomes."

"Well you certainly look d'part. Oi am obliged to ascertain d'at you understand what's involved, and for me own satisfaction, to ensure you are truly transsexual."

"I'll do my best," I smiled at the twinkling eyes now doing a samba.

"Okey-dokey, how long have you t'ought of having a sex change?"

"Since I discovered girls and boys were different, and mine were the wrong ones. Since I was about four or five, although in those days, I believed if I wished hard enough, they would change spontaneously. They didn't."

He smiled. "So plan B?"

"Find a nice, understanding surgeon, who can do it for me." I gave him my best smile, usually reserved for Simon.

"Roight, assume ya just found him, what d'en?"

"To convert what I have into something more appropriate for my life style, and which I hope will allow me to live fully as female."

"You realise d'is involves cuttin' off bits, which won't grow back."

"God I hope not," I shuddered at the thought.

"It's amazin' what some people t'ink."

"Basically we remove most of d' penis and your testicles, create a cavity and turn it into a vagina, we then use part of d'penile tissue to make a clitoris. Until Oi've examined ya, Oi can't be sure how we'll do it."

I nodded, wondering when that delight would happen.

"Oi can't guarantee anyt'ing, because even your own body parts can be rejected, and d' transplanted clitoris, doesn't always give you much sensation. D'ere can also be urinary problems as well wi'd d'e operation."

"I appreciate that Mr O'Rourke," I kept it respectful.

"Okey-dokey, let's have a look d'en. Hop on d'couch, skirt up an' panties 'n any toights, down." As I was undressing and hopping onto the couch, he called in a nurse, who stayed out of the way but was I suppose a chaperone protecting both of us.

He pulled on some latex gloves, like the ones I used in my lab, why did that surprise me?

Then he began pulling and prodding my genitals about, feeling the area behind my genitals and infront of my anus. It suddenly occurred how different things were going to be. Cycling could prove to be uncomfy for a bit.

"Okey-dokey, d'ere is just about enough tissue t' do it, I mioght have t'graft skin from elsewhere if d'ere isn't."

I nodded, although I think he was talking to himself as much as me.

"Roight, if ya loike to get dressed again," he went off and I heard the removal of rubber gloves and washing of hands.

Dressed, I returned to my seat, he took his the other side of the desk. He pulled out a photo from my file, and showed it to me. I blushed.

"How on earth did ya do d'is t'yerself?" he asked.

"With superglue." My throat felt very tight and dry.

"Whoy fer goodness sakes?"

"To hide something I was ashamed of." I hung my head and stared at his shoes.

"Cathy, please promise me ya won't do d'is again, if ya do, Oi won't have enough skin to work wid, you understand?"

I nodded, "I'm sorry."

"D'at's alroight, it looks quoite convincin'at a glance."

"Oi have to ask again, are ya sure, ya want me to do d'is to ya?"

"Yes I am."

"Roight, we need to do some bloods, are you havin' or had sex recently wi'd anyone?"

"I'm still a virgin," I blushed, God it was hot in there.

"Good f'you," he smiled, "Oi knew Oi'd meet one oneday." He started to chuckle and so did I.

"We test everyone for HIV and Hepatitis, and we swab for MRSA. Oi've done yer groin, Oi need to do yer nose." With that he wet a swab and gently poked it up my nostrils.

"Assumin' all is well, Oi'll expect t'see ya on New Year's day." He looked at my notes, "Oh, Happy Birt'y. Wait outside, 'n d'nurse'll do yer bloods."

I thanked him and we shook hands, he winked and said quitely, "Oi wouldn't ha' known until y' dropped yer panties. Oi'll do me best for yer."

"Thanks."

I waited for only a few minutes before the same nurse came and led me into a different room and took half the red stuff I had circulating around my body.

"So what do you think of Mr O'Rourke then?"

"He's very nice," I allowed.

"Only very nice, haven't you fallen in love with him yet?"

"I love someone else, but I fell in lust within twenty seconds." I joked.

She laughed, "I thought this blood felt hot." She continued removing it from me and labelling the little vials. "So you're Stella's little sister?"

"No, I'm her brother's fiancee."

"Ah, sister in law."

"Not yet," I insisted.

"You will be, she doesn't give up once she's fixed an idea in her head."

"I'd have thought, that was for Simon and me to decide."

"You have a bit to learn regarding Stella, Cathy, she always gets what she wants."

"Well that is mutual, so I don't foresee a problem."

"You are so fortunate."

"What with Simon, I know, he's lovely."

"So is all that money, and a title. Wow, talk about the jackpot!"

"It may sound odd, but I find the money an obstacle rather than an incentive and titles are anachronistic. Have you ever heard Stella use hers."

"You strange girl." She shook her head at me, and walking off said, "If you go back out into the waiting room, I'll tell her ladyship, we've finished with you."

"Okay." I pulled my jacket back on, making sure the plaster stopped any blood getting on my sleeve, not that there could have been much left. Since when did they collect it in buckets?

"Hi Sis," came a familiar voice somewhere behind me. Once more I put away my electronic toy.

"C'mon girl, we've got to beautify ourselves and paint the town red."

"I think a shade of pink would be sufficient for me Stella, it's been a long day."

"It's your birthday, we can't let that pass without a celebration."

I'd have preferred a quiet night in with a nice book or a cuddle with Simon, or both.

"Where are we going?"

"Home you silly goose."

"No tonight?"

"God knows, and I hope Simon does too, 'cos he's arranged it."

"If he's done anything stupid like a kissogram, I will kill him."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll forgive him eventually."

"Oh geez, he hasn't has he?"

"I don't know, he's organised it. Just be thankful he remembered, he usually doesn't."

I thought back to the last night out with the demonic siblings, I hoped they wouldn't drink as much tonight. I really did.

We had a cuppa and a biscuit, then went upstairs. Stella helped me decide what I was going to wear, a greenish floral patterned shirt dress, with a collar and dropped waist. It made my hips look bigger and gave me some extra shape. I opted for black shoes and a small bag which nearly matched them. I would use my pashmina instead of a coat.

I showered and washed my hair again, glad to wash away the cares of the day, emerging a little refreshed. Stella was doing my hair when we heard Simon come home.

"Hi girls, everything okay?" he poked his head around my bedroom door.

"Yes, shouldn't it be?" asked Stella.

"Of course, but only because I organised it."

"You couldn't organise a pair of clean underpants." She retorted.

He blew her a raspberry and left. Shortly afterwards we heard the shower running and I felt Stella sniggering.

"What have you done?"

"Wait and see," she sniggered.

"S-T-E-L-L-A!" boomed his voice, "Where are my underpants?"

"I thought you were organising them."

"What have you done to them?"

"We've only just come in, wasn't us." She was sniggering almost to giggle point.

He came in wearing just a towel, "Okay, you've had your laugh, where are they?"

"It's not my problem," she shrugged.

"You can borrow some of mine," I offered and his expression just set us off giggling even more.

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