“Pop Pop, didn’t my becoming a girl ever surprise you; it had to seem warp,” I asked. “How about now me liking Lance, do you think that is wrong?” Mom is intentionally in the living room as I told her my conversation with Pop Pop might get a little weird and hard for us toalikee alone. I see her eyes perk up kind a like wondering how he could answer such a question.

“Your Mother said you’d probably ask or want to talk about it sometime to someone. She hoped she would be the one to do it and I wish she were here.” Pop Pop is quiet, trying to think what to say next or how to say it.

Then he saw Amanda’s wedding book to her parents and picked it up. He patted the seat on the couch next to him. I moved to sit with him. He found the picture of me being fitted for Bree’s Junior Bridesmaid’s gown. “You’re Brice here, though you look much like you do now.” He found a picture on the table of me singing with Carrie the first time and one from the night of rehearsal. “I was afraid I saw a little of Brianna at the concert, but at the rehearsal, I convinced myself it was just you helping out. It was like that all that week, but I kept seeing Brianna a little more. Never did I see what you did as being warp.”

“I called your Mother after the wedding, while you were still at the reception. Before, I could tell her why I was calling. She asked, ‘How is your Granddaughter doing?’ It was like she was expecting you to like it. ‘Dad’, she said to me, ‘It probably feels different for you, but please be supportive of Brice. It should be up to us to visit with him when you two get back home. And please bring Brianna’s gown when he comes home. I hope your friend Ruth won’t mind, but I think he should be Brianna until you’re ready to come home.”

I look to Ruth and she said, “If we hadn’t experienced Brianna blossoming I might have thought it strange. And had I not talked to your Mother, I might have been afraid you dressing as a Bridesmaid caused it. Now I know your more Brianna with some of Brice in you. Your mother saw you once exhausted and in a blouse with lipstick on; you were sleepy and on a couch. She said you were ten. She said she had been sick and she had just enjoyed a rare night of fun out. She said your father allowed her to hold her daughter that night.”

“That wasn’t a dream then?” I remember that I thought had been a dream.”

“She said when you were twelve you started to get into her personal things, trying to grow up as a girl. This June when her doctors saw you at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, they agreed with her as well that you are becoming a young woman. Your mother was very happy she got to know you.” Mom Ruth got up, she was holding something in her hand as she went around behind me. “She told me to give you this when it was appropriate; at Christmas, if it had not happened by then.” She put a necklace around my neck and hooked it in the back as I picked up my hair. I went and looked in a mirror to see an ‘S’ pendant. “You know I love you as a daughter. Grandpa Will is family here too. Welcome Brianna Elizabeth Storm, you are wonderfully made.”

Mr. Storm later came into the room and he smiled as he saw my necklace. “I see your mother gave you your Storm necklace.” I thought that was a neat way to refer to it. “Yes! Yes! Daddy.” I gave him a big hug.

“Dad, didn’t you think it was strange that Pop Pop’s grandson became Brianna?”

He chuckled, “I’ve never really seen you as Brice; They said you were a boy, but even the first morning when you came down for breakfast you were in a nightgown and robe of Faith’s. So no, to me you’ve always been a girl, now you’re our girl.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I stayed snuggled with Mom and Pop Pop as we reminisced about the wedding and my first week as Brianna.

Dad said, “You even look like one of the Storm women.”

I am glad I have lost some weight as Brianna, it made it easier for my father to carry me to bed. The next day was to be special as Marcy would be home when I got home from school. It is always special when Marcy’s around. Marcy, Faith and I are to be staying over at Mandy and Richard’s home. Come morning Faith announced she had decided to go out with friends so it would be Marcy and me.

Mom drove Lacy, Faith and me to school, but she went in with me to the Principal’s office to explain we weren’t agreeing to the tests. Principal Brokaw seemed relieved that we were not giving in to the request for me to prove I am a girl. The Principal shared gladly, “The School is willing to stand with you, but we were hesitant to stand alone or just with interest groups taking one side or another.”

I was happy to see Lance at my locker after I was done with the Principal. “Hey Brianna!” he gave me a hug and kiss.

“You’re not to do that at school,” I said to him. “I thought, it was important enough I took a risk,” he chuckled.

We passed one of the guys he fought. It was easy enough to see that he too had been in a fight. But it didn’t interest me that he was beat-up more than Lance. Later that day when Lance wasn’t around Jay came over and apologized, “I’m sorry, Lance and I are usually friends. Plus my girlfriend (Sheri) is a huge Carrie fan and she said I would be a creep if I didn’t apologize.” I was happy to hear a person who apologized.

Sandy had called; she needed to get more and bigger baby clothes for Rose. I wanted to go shopping liking to shop for Rose. I was also pretty sure Sandy could use another outfit. I text Mom, she wasn’t working today. “Can you give me a ride over to Sandy’s after school?”

Mom insisted on driving us to the stores as well. Sandy has been talking to her Mom but continues to live with her Aunt. Mom and I are happy about that.

Sandy is carrying Rose in one of those pouches as she comes out to the car. She discretely nurses Rose before we get out of the car and go into the mall. I take to wearing the pouch and carrying Rose when we get to the mall. It makes it easier for Sandy to search for clothes. Sandy had twenty-five dollars which did not go very far. So much of it was window shopping till we understood what she wanted and what they needed.

It was after a snack that we went and helped by the other things. Sandy’s figure has changed from what it used to be. The clothes we got for Rose were good for the colder weather that was coming. Sandy tells us she will possibly be on the honor roll this semester.

Sandy says, “I’ve met a college boy who really likes me. He’s nice to Rose as well but my Aunt says he has to finish college and I have to finish high school.” He just happened to be at the mall. It was no problem telling what he liked about Sandy as his eyes went there too much for a guy who supposedly liked her as he described her for our benefit.

We were driving back to her place, when Sandy said, “My Aunt thought he shouldn’t come over more than once a week, ‘cause my grades had started to slip.” Mom finally spoke up, “It would be counter-productive to just agree with your aunt, but I think he’s mostly interested in your nursing breasts and to see if you’ll go to bed with him.”

“Mom,” I was surprised at what she said!

“Don’t mom me,” she said. “He was sizing you up as well. I wouldn’t mind knowing what his grades are. He didn’t talk any about college or what he planned to do. That seems unusual to me for a graduating senior. It was for Richard and Mandy.”

Sandy shyly said, “Well, he’s not fully a senior, but he expects the instructors will pass him so he can graduate on time.” When we were ready to leave her apartment she thanked Mom, “Thanks Ma, I guess I needed to hear that. I already kind of knew it, but it’s nice to have a college guy interested in me. He hasn’t got me to bed but it’s not because he’s not interested. It was just too soon after Rose and I want a commitment.”

It was the day after Thanksgiving when my Father came down from Jersey for the weekend. He’s accepting me Brianna, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. Pop Pop took us out to dinner Saturday night. My father and I were having trouble making any conversation between us with everyone around. It took a dance together to get us to open up. I asked my father, “Do you think I look like one of the Storm women?”

“You look very much like your mother; Pop knows that and said I should tell you. I’m not doing well with your Mom’s death.” He stopped dancing and was fighting not to cry as we hugged.

“It’s okay to cry.” But with that said, he stepped back and wiped his eyes. The emotions were again shut off.

We walked outside, “It’s probably good you’re here. I wouldn’t know how to raise a daughter. I forgive you for revealing yourself as your Mom was dying. I respect that your Mom said she understood and wanted you there.”

I was getting angry but was holding now my emotions in by not saying anything back. Finally, I said, “Maybe a year from now after we’ve each grieved Mom some more.”

It was agreed that I would be having a total Storm Christmas. If Pop Pop could have handled a Jersey winter, maybe I would be going.

My father was surprised I was now a good student. Brice hadn’t been very good with grades and showed more learning problems. Pop Pop and Mom insisted we have some pictures together. Sunday when we took him to the airport he relaxed as we said good-bye. He was taken by my hugging Lance as he walked away.

Pop Pop and Mom knew I had mixed feelings as my father left but they waited until Lance and I weren’t together. I wanted to go get a new dress before Christmas; Mom encouraged me to with for my birthday which is a week away. It was actually three days later Mom took me shopping for the dress I would get on my birthday. My dress was a nice red knit that looked Christmassy if I wore holiday jewelry. It would also be good for the rest of the winter. Mom thinks it won’t be enough in the cold of winter. Winter here isn’t very cold to me. It is milder than New Jersey which makes it possible for Pop Pop to live here with me.

I overheard Pop Pop telling Mom that my legs and hips were too pretty for the dresses and skirts I was wearing. I was glad when Mom said, “Grandpa Will, you need to accept your Granddaughter is a young woman now and that is normal. It’s not like she is being irresponsible. I am surprised however that she has quickly taken to a boy. It is not like she needed any prodding by her sisters or Lacy.”

It is fun singing Angels We Have Heard on High at the holiday concerts as Lance, others and I sing the first two verses in German, but everyone sang the chorus in Latin as is typical of the song. We practiced other holiday songs but we only sang three of them at the concert. We sang other holiday songs fitting for choir members of various religions. Mi Yamal-Who can Retell and Light One Candle, the last song by Peter Paul and Mary helped make the concert special for me. Three traditional songs were in the inclusive language, which I wouldn’t have thought of as special six months ago.

I had been asked if there was a Carrie Wood song appropriate for the holidays and I told them “Temporary Home”. The choir director said to me, “That is not what I meant?”

“I know, but it is one of her songs and it is good for the holidays or any time. There are many who have trouble singing around the holidays, we should remember them. It is okay if we don’t sing it; it’s just my choice.” It was early November when he asked and told me he did not have an arrangement for a girls chorus to sing. I text Jeanette and Carrie and within the week he received an arrangement of the song appropriate for the girls’ chorus with permission to copy for the performance and future use. Carrie had inserted, “It’s not just a girls’ and children issue.”

Once Carrie knew we were to be singing it, she had it inserted to several of her holiday or university concerts. I was one of three girls who sang solo parts for the song during the concert. I had a message from Carrie the morning after the concert. Marcy had sent a clip from the concert. “I am so proud of you Brianna that you chose this song for your holiday concert,” Carrie.

It was good to hear from her, but I thought I shouldn’t call and bother her. Marcy gave me a call at 3:30 that afternoon knowing I’d be done with classes. “Hey Sprout, are you having a bad day,” she asked? Then she asked, “Why I haven’t you called Carrie or Jeanette?” When I told her about bothering her she said, “You better call and explain yourself; Jeanette says Carrie’s worried about you and that is not good for tonight’s concert.”

She was in the Midwest so I expected she was finished rehearsing at their location for that night. I called Jeanette just in case. Carrie was happy to talk and I felt like a heel, is important to her. Luckily she understood. “It’s hard to be someplace new for Christmas, even when it’s a good spot. I can’t take away your tears but I can tell you both your Moms are proud of you.”

“How did you know,” I asked?

“I could tell in October your Mom was still close to your heart and I knew this Christmas would have its moments.” I didn’t know what to say, I was thankful but moved too much to talk. Lacy took my phone and let Carrie know, “She appreciates your words; unfortunately she will probably kick herself for not being able to talk.” Before she could hang up, I took the phone and said, “Thanks Carrie, I was trying not to put my problems on anyone. I'm still not used to these emotions that seem to be natural for the new me.”

“Remember Brianna, if you want to be a good friend, you need to let those friends into your life as well.” We were soon able to say goodbye on good terms. Jeanette wanted to know some good times to call me back and check on me. I knew they didn’t have the time, but that I’d hear from them anyway.

Lance knew I was pulling back from being a girlfriend since the accusations around Thanksgiving, but he continues as a good friend and my study partner for German which we have an exam in tomorrow. He was good to help me study as he was already ready for the exam.

Marcy’s home as her college exams were done and she's supposed to go out with Mack tonight. She might be staying home because of me. “Sis, thanks for calling Carrie. I talked to her and I am alright, so go out tonight and let me be a big girl.” She knew I was getting angry, but she was still worried about me. “What if Lance and I went out with you two Friday night? That should make you and Lance both happy!”

I had seen the outfit Marcy was planning on wear, so I went to her closet and picked out a sharper one for tonight. Marcy smiled, “Does this mean I get to pick your outfit Friday?” I retorted, “If it is as plain as the one you picked out yes, but I shouldn’t have to worry.” We both smiled and Marcy felt I was okay.

I continued to study after supper until 8:00 p.m. when Mom said, “That’s enough studying for tonight. I’ll ask a few questions from your study sheets before you go to bed if you want. Now you need to relax a little bit.”

Pop Pop had made some popcorn with butter, one of my favorites. When I asked for a small bowl he gave me a larger one, and when I complained. He said, “You’ve already lost too much weight.”

“But Grandpa I’m a girl and I want to lose weight.”

Mom spoke, “You reached your goal seven pounds ago. Your body is changing and you need to be eating to meet the demands of those changes. Just relax and enjoy yourself tonight.”

I tell her, “Mom, I’m going out with Lance Friday night.”

“When did he ask you out? He didn’t say anything when he went home before supper.”

“He doesn’t know yet. I agreed we would go out with Marcy so she wouldn’t stay home. I’ll get him to ask me tomorrow after our exam.” Pop Pop was amused. I sat next to him and watched television. Pop started to get ready for bed at 8:30. I knocked at his door went in to watch TV with him come 9 p.m. I was back out to visit with Mom by 10:00 p.m.

Tonight it was my chance to brush out my Mom’s hair and to do her nails. Mom looks very pretty for her early forties which she was amused about when I said it wrong. I guess her newly married daughter telling her she would be a grandmother next June had something to do with her being sensitive to being older.

I knew Mandy planned to be married several years before she got pregnant, but I guess she trusted Richard’s protection was enough. Mandy told Mom, “At least I graduated from college before I got married and had my baby.” Brushing Mom’s hair was like therapy. I could feel her relaxing. It was actually nice to be there for her in a small way.

But as I was doing Mom’s nails I realized she now had me confiding in her. She was happy that Carrie had called me and with Marcy’s prodding I had called her back. I even began to talk about my Mother which I tended not to do with her, only Marcy. But there were things only my two Moms had talked about. Plus Mom now could speak to about my first mother having been sick, and how she felt about me.

She told me about another time my mother knew I had been in her clothes. My mother realized I had rolled up one of her skirts pretending I had pretty legs and was another teen girl. Not only had I wrinkled the heck out of her skirt; she saw I had shaved my legs. I didn’t have enough hair on my legs to worry about. My mother used a scented shave cream for herself and she knew every time I shaved my legs this past winter. “Did you notice, I bought you the same shave cream to use here?”

I noticed but I thought it was just a coincidence. It was a help knowing my Mother knew more about me.

It was ten days before Christmas when I wrote on a Christmas card to send to my Father. I now think of him as Dad to Brice. My Father called me when he got the card and though we had trouble visiting we both were glad about the card and that we were talking.

To be continued…