Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 124

Printer-friendly version

Easy Peasy Ha - you try writing them!
by Arrrrrrrrrrrgharad
part is anybody still counting? Okay, I only asked.
one hundred plus two dozen.

When I saw Simon limp out of the toilet, I flew to him and my hug nearly knocked him over. There were tears rolling down my cheeks and I felt so emotional, I just couldn't help myself.

"Hey what's wrong babe?" I loved it when he called me that, even though I knew Pamela Anderson doesn't, like it I mean.

"I didn't know where you were," I sobbed like some demented child.

"I was only taking a pee." He held me with his good arm.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, "I saw the empty bed and I...."

"Put two and two together and made a couple o'dozen."

"My maths isn't very good but it isn't that bad!" I complained.

"Okay already, one dozen, is that better?" he raised his voice and I burst into tears again. "All right, how about half a dozen?"

"It doesn't matter now, anyway," I pouted.

"Jeez, bloody women!" he said loudly enough for a nurse to look up and say, 'Watch it mister or it's an enema for you tomorrow!' We heard laughter from down the corridor.

"This is a conspiracy!" he exclaimed and led me back into his room. He lay on the bed and I saw the pain spasm across his face from his sternum. I burst into tears again.

"What is the matter with you tonight?" he said looking more concerned than angry.

"I don't know," I wailed like a defective fire tender.

"Come on calm down and take deep breaths, slow deep breaths." I went to speak and he shushed me and made me breathe slowly and deeply. Before either of us could speak, in popped a nurse and handed us each a cup of tea. She winked at him going out and I glared.

"There is nothing going on, okay!"

"Why did she wink at you, then?"

"I thought she winked at you," he lied but I savagely counter-attacked.

"Winked at me, she was looking at you. Besides why would she wink at me, I'm not a lesbian even if she is!" My voice got progressively louder.

The door was knocked, and the sister poked her head in. "I'm sorry if you can't make less noise I shall have to ask you to leave. She fixed me with an icy stare and I swallowed hard and nodded.

Simon smirked and I felt so angry I almost slapped him. Then he began to laugh and I got angrier still. Then he began to laugh more loudly and I stood up to storm out but instead laughed too. I hate to think how long we giggled but it was several minutes, during which time I wet myself. I had to shove a paper towel in my knickers.

I tried to hide myself from Simon, but he saw enough to ask in total astonishment, "Are you sure that isn't real and you've been having me on all this time?"

"What?" I snapped.

"Well, it looks real to me, your doodah."

"Tough! I think I'd better go." I got up and left without even kissing him." I dashed back to the car and once more burst into tears, what the hell was going on inside me to make me like this. It couldn't have been hormones because I hadn't taken any for three days, I forgot.

I got my act together enough to drive home, hoping I didn't have an accident or run someone's cat over. I managed it, then I ran up to my room and slammed the door and howled for half an hour.

Finally, the rustling in my knickers reminded me that I hadn't changed them, so I stripped off and went in the shower. Once I had a cuppa in front of me, I decided to call for help.

"Stella, I think I'm going crazy."

"Going, you must be certifiable to go out with Simon."

"I'm serious."

"So am I," she giggled. "So what has led you to make this amazing discovery, realising that everyone is just as crazy or what?"

"No, I keep having crying fits. I screamed at Simon tonight in the hospital, a nurse winked at him and I went berserk."

"Oh!"

"I puked in the prof's waste bin, and then fell asleep in his office."

"Ah,"

"And I've got to do a teaching plan for a series of lessons at the local sixth form college.Plus he's allocated me a student to tutor and I have to recruit someone to do my field work. I don't think I can cope with all that and my dad."

"Ahhhhhhhh," she said, "Now it sounds as if we are coming to the crutch of the matter, to quote John Lennon."

"Well go on then," I exhorted.

"Go on what?"

"Quote John Lennon."

"I just did."

"You did?"

"Oh all right then, "Thur's a lorra people in Liverpewel."

"Sounded more Cilla Black to me," I replied.

"Probably 'cos I'm female and he was male."

"Could be, I don't think I'll try it," I offered. If I had sounded like a Scouser, I'd have been surprised and if I'd sounded like a man, I'd have been devastated.

"Yeah okay, what were we talking about?"

"John Lennon."

"Before that?"

"I dunno."

"Oh, okay. How do you feel now?"

"Exhausted."

"How about an early night?"

"Yeah okay," I yawned back to her. I switched off the phone and was asleep in moments, even with damp hair.

I awoke in the night needing a wee and when I went to the loo it all fell out. To be precise, something inside me slipped a little and this tiny worm like thing protruded from my 'labia'. It sort of summed up the perfect day, and I sat on the bog and howled for another half an hour.

up
163 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Yup. One of those days, huh!

I hate days like that. Teary, tiring and trodden. Damned emotions. Couldn't do without though. Strange huh?!

Oh, to have never cried... err, something then. :S

Jo-Anne

Re: Yup. One of those days, huh!

To actually quote John Lennon,

Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed!

Jenny

Ok...what's going on

kristina l s's picture

Mood swings I know and get, but wow not like this. Some nice calming exercise I think...what's Welsh for ..'on yer bike ya raving looney..' ?. Sorry punctuation overload.

Easy Peasy? Well hardly...I'm full of admiration, no way could I keep this up the way you are, 124 bits...wow. Please do continue Arrrrrrrrrrrgharad....did I spell that right?? Sounds different.

Kristina

Crying

Ever notice our girl likes to cry more than most?

called it

To answer my own question on crying? -30sec Bobtail's running extra fast, doodah, doodah. Sorry, Angharad.
The glue is finally slipping, however Cathy might wish to leave well enough alone. You know "man in the boat"
I will chastise myself, and write on the board "no impure thoughts" 100 times.

Cefin