One. I’m Chinese. Yes I’m one of those
Two. I’m a girl. Well I’m a girl on the inside.
By Bailey Summers
Copyright© 2014 Bailey Summers
All Rights Reserved.
Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from
123rf.com. The model in this image in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena
But I’ve never felt the way that I looked in some of the photos and I never felt the way that I looked in these pictures that he had done of me.
Me…no trace of Franklyn in any of them.
It’s a lot of money too because the pictures and then getting that guy to do these…I pass them to the girls again because I’m sobbing.
It’s happy sobbing; it’s stunned and shocked sobbing.
I don’t want to get them tear stained.
They’re the most precious thing in my life.
Proof that I’m real.
Proof that I’m taking home dammit.
I hug the whole bunch carefully to my chest or non-chest since I’m in Frankie mode and we’re all sniffling and I try really, really hard to get ahold of myself and stuff.
I’m going home…I want to go and be with him so bad and I don’t want this to end but I’m broke…I’m too young to rent a car and what would I do when I got there?
Alex…I mean I think this might mean what I think it might mean but Alex is an insanely great guy and he honestly could have done these as something that he’d do just to be an awesome friend to a girl like me.
And then there’s my parents…
And his parents…
There’s this zoom to the bottom of my stomach just getting close to that thought. I mean I know exactly what I am and I know exactly what a whole lot of people might feel about trans people and hell I’m Chinese on top of that and I’m not even sure they’d be cool with that at all.
Yeah Alex is cool but there’s no shortage of cool people here with shitty families.
So I really don’t know how they’d react.
Mine, mine I know how they’d react and they’d freak right out.
I mean my mom would totally have a cow and it was really bad enough that she had a near over-protective-mom meltdown with me coming here all by myself.
If I took off…off after Alex.
Nat nudges me. “Jade, our cab’s here.”
It’s with a sinking feeling that I’m nodding and I take my sheaf of pictures and papers and I very carefully slide them back into the scroll case and I head out following the girls and getting my bags and heading out to the van that’s there to pick us all up.
It sooo feels bad.
I wanted this so much.
I wanted to be me so much.
I didn’t want this, to find this and have all this fun and then have to go home to that life.
Franklyn’s life right now feels like the biggest coffin in the world.
We get in and I know the girls are looking at me and I’m staring at the scroll case turning it over and over in my fingers and just staring at how lovely it really is.
And it’s mine this time it’s really, really mine.
The drive to Logan feels like it took forever and that it also took too little time and it feels like I’m getting astronomically further from Alex by just being here.
My things feel like they weigh a ton right now.
Feels like I’m carrying Jade’s body stuffed in there.
We all walk in and get our bearings and we’re all heading to different places and I get my tickets and we say some teary goodbyes and I’m hugging Nat really, really hard.
“I’m going to so effing miss you!”
“I’m gonna miss you too Sinclair.”
(Snuffle.) “Yep really, you are likeable y’know.”
(Sniffle.) “Nope…I don’t know.”
(Snuffle.) “Well you are and you can’t get rid of me that easy either we’ll have online and stuff and Skype.”
(Sniffle.) “Yeah but it won’t be the same…you won’t be there no one will be there and…and…I’ll be all alone again!!!”
I hug her really, really hard and I’m full on sobbing on her making a scene and a right mess too.
I’m still not ready to let her go but the airport PA announces her flight to New Hampshire and I have to let her go and it sucks…it sucks really hard.
She waves good bye walking backwards until she’s lost in the crowds and I’m…I’m alone again.
I’m moping in the seats that are the closest to my gate and trying to dry my eyes and look less of a mess even if I’m stuck in stupid boy mode and stuff.
I feel like crap because I have that chest achy hurt thing from crying/sobbing and my nose feels like I’ve had a cold and used too many tissues and stuff and they call for my flight and I get up and take my carry on and my smart phone rings and it’s Nat.
(Sniffle.) “Hey…flight delayed?”
“You want to do something crazy?”
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos!
Click the Thumbs Up! button below to leave the author a kudos:
And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks.