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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com. The model in this image in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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*Before…

And it’s so strange because I sneak a look at Alex and it’s just like one of those moments that you get when you can just read someone like one hundred percent and he just looks like he’s thinking the same stuff as me.

Which is just.

Alex looks at me and he whispers as we take a pair of seats together. “Okay….this, this is pretty cool.”

“I know…I don’t go anywhere usually and all the places I’ve ever gone too even like home.”

“I’ve been alone…” We both say it in stereo…we so just.

And I’m looking at him and he’s looking at me and there’s this…I don’t know what it was but just before it passes as we kind of become aware of it…we actually have a moment or something.

I mean I don’t know what it is or was but it was definitely a moment.

The movie starts up and there’s some fan cheers and applause and stuff and just before the volume goes too high for me to hear him say it I catch.

“Even when I’m with people.”

*And Now…

Okay that kind of throws me completely off the movie.

I mean it’s like exactly like what I was thinking in my head but before I was like thinking it.

Y’know when someone says something and you weren’t thinking about it but when they say it, it’s your heart that’s going…yeah…yeah exactly that.

I mean with me it’s like I’m invisible. I’m there and I’m real but no one knows it, they can’t see me…the real me and they can’t hear me or tell that the real me is there and all I have to interact with the real world is this Bizzaro D.C. world version of me that’s really nothing like the real me but I can’t get it out that this isn’t me.

I’m not this person.

Banging against the invisible walls until my soul hands bleed.

And that Alex is saying that when that’s like just tattooed on my soul from all the hits that I’ve taken it’s just.

It sucks, it sucks because I can look at him and see so much there that people are missing out on just because they think that he’s a certain kind of person, that he’s this, this and this and not that whatever that seems to be the crap that everyone thinks is good.

You can’t measure people like that.

I’m so sick to death of people measuring me like that.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone else…ever.

And perversely it’s a good thing that he feels this way too. That he gets it and that there is someone there like me that…

No, honestly it’s not. It’s not and Alex is my friend…and maybe more than that even if it might be like totally one sided and stuff. I don’t want this for him. I don’t…he deserves better.

I adjust my seat a bit more and we get closer still and I let go of his fingers and I slip my arm in through and under his and he looks down at me and he sort of shifts my way with a smile and he’s offering me the shoulder of his arm.

Yes!

I don’t care, this is a yay thing, it’s as yay as him holding me in his room or him giving me his shoulder in that last part of the dance so yeah…whatever this is and whatever is going on I embrace the fantasy of it all and I lean on him and I lean my head against his shoulder.

And there that whole bonus of him being warm and him smelling good and…

And if I only ever get to be me a few times in my damned life at least I can say that I got to do this. I got to have this at least once y’know?

It means so much too.

My heart actually skips a beat a little when he does this contented sigh.

And my geek compulsion kicks in and I want the remote to rewind stuff because now I’m watching the movie and I missed most of the first five minutes of the plot and stuff and that’s like important.

Still, way more than a fair trade.

And dammit of all things with this and the time shift and me being an hour off compared to here….I fall asleep.

………………………..I actually wake up and I’m sort of confused and I look up and…oh…oh yick I drooled.

Oh no’s I drooled on Alex.

I look up at him. And he’s there watching me with the lights off in here and it’s kind of dark and kind of not because there’s light from the projection screen still going and everyone else is gone.

“I…I fell asleep?”

“Yeah you even snored a little.” He offers me some tissues and they’re sort of used and I think I have been drooling on his shoulder for a while. I think, I think I’ve never been more mortified in my life.

I take the tissues and wipe off my face and alternate between doing that and looking at Alex. “Sorry…kinda gross.”

He smiles at me. “Hey that’s something that we’ve all done at least no one noticed it here besides it could be worse.”

“No one saw?”

“I’m pretty sure they didn’t.”

“What could be worse than drooling on your…date?”

“Drooling on your date while you’re wearing make-up and it having a bad chemical reaction to your saliva and it like becoming this gluey goopey mess that went you wake up and pull away you look like tow-face and I have a chemical tattoo for life.”

He’s just so manner of fact I can’t help but to picture it and that starts me on the giggles.

And then I snerk.

Which makes him smile.

And that makes me smile.

“You sat here all this time thinking about that didn’t you?”

“I did not I’ll have you know that I’m double specialized in Smart-Alec with a matching set of non-weapon proficiencies in Smart-Ass, Wisenheimer, and Snarkasm.”

Again sheer joy and I’m giggling right into more snerks.

“It’s really late or early Jade you want to go to bed or do something else?”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“A little truth is I’m up like this like most weekends and stuff half the time anyways so this is actually not pushing my normal too far plus I drank a big can of Rockstar a few hours back and stuff.”

I’m actually not that tired anymore and it’s nothing that coffee and a hot shower won’t fix.

“I could stay up for a while is there anything to do?”

“You ever been to Boston before?”

“A couple of times, Dad has family down here like four or fifth cousins and stuff but I don’t actually like really know the place.”

“Go for a drive?”

“Okay!”

Yeah it’s like really late and stuff but I have never really gone for a drive with friends. I mean the few people that are kind of cool with me well we’re not the have car crowd…have comics and manga and magic cards and gaming computers and stuff sure but a car and going cruising and stuff…kind of rare.

And the guys with cars even the crappy ones even the geekiest of them usually have a girlfriend of some kind…even if it’s like a nerd girl and stuff and we do have enough respect for each other to not third and fourth wheel each other.

Alex laughs. “C’mon we’ll go and get our jackets and stuff and I need to get some doughnuts anyways.”

“Need?”

“I’m in a floor game of AD&D and we’re coming in costume and stuff.”

“Okay…lost me?

“I’m going to go in costume as The Great Skeeve and bring Deevil doughnuts and Pervish Coffee.”

“So….Starbucks then?”

He laughs…oh awesome. I mean not just a light laugh but this is one of those good laughs that just kind of bursts out of you when funny happens out of the blue.

Alex has a nice laugh.

He actually reminds me of the laugh that Ashton Kutcher has actually a lot of just regular guy with just this little touch of Whoa.

Then he leans forwards and he kisses me on the forehead. “That was awesome, you just gave me a great idea.”

Blush…

He takes my hand and we leave the empty conference room and head through the lobby towards the elevator and it’s like five in the morning and he’s pulling me off onto another adventure.

I bite my lip in a happy way and jog-skip into the elevator with him.

We part ways on our floor and I go and get to my room and I use the bathroom and give myself a little spritz of perfume and then get changed. Well not so much changed as I add to what I’m wearing. I slip off the yoga pants and I try my black jeggings for the first time and like any leggings really unless you’re in a dance class please for the love of fashion…pair them with a skirt…I mean really, really they’re just a variation on stockings and stuff. I grab my hoody that I use all the time home and that’s actually a CAF (Canadian Armed Forces.) Zip front light grey hoody with stuff from the base at Greenwood and I switch from my flats to comfy socks and some sneakers.

When that’s all done I touch up my make up and get my purse and head out to meet Alex.

And he’s a guy so he’s ready already.

Okay I know that’s kind of false too, I know a bunch of guys that are very into the look cool way too much grooming thing and they sort of have that whole…way too Jersey Shore look to them…or home it’s the teen hipsters trying for that thing you see all over the place with the college kids or there’s the jocks all trying to sort of look like Taylor what’s his face from The twit-blight movies or they’re trying to look like Peedar from Hunger Games.

Why can’t they just be original?

You know what’s worse than Donna’s it the male equivalent…I get really cheesed off when there’s some meathead wearing stuff because it’s suddenly “cool”

Yes it is and you know what would be even cooler is if you actually cared about it.

Alex is actually looking guy fine.

I mean fine as in he just looks good. I know I’m biased with this but he’s wet his hair and combed it and he’s wearing a black t-shirt with a really nice leather and…

“Oh my goddess is that a BSG jacket?”

“Yeah I got it for a Christmas present last year from my uncle.” He turns and it has all the trimmings and it’s got the Viper pilot patches and Galactica on it too and the call sign of “Wishbone.”

“Wishbone?”

“From gaming, he introduced me to RPG’s and I had a rebel alliance fighter pilot in the old version of Star Wars. It’s been my flyboy call sign in every game since.”

It’s actually pretty cool and I step over and fix his collar. “I think it’s pretty awesome actually.”

Alex smiles and looks sort of that whole guy self-conscious of me doing the collar fix…I like the whole sort of sheepish smile thing.

“You ready?”

I nod. “Definitely.”

“You’re just wearing the hoody?”

“I should wear something more?”

“Boston can be cold and if you get tired it’ll just be colder.”

I nod and I go and I get my jean jacket that I came here with and slip it on over the hoody. I mean I’ve been here before but not as a girl and not in girl’s clothes and as awesome and stuff as they can be a lot of them are really thin like material wise.

And once I lock my door Alex offers me his hand again.

I take it. “You don’t have to keep doing that y’know.”

“I know but I don’t mind it and you get to be you and I get to be with a pretty girl.”

“I can be practice for when you’re with the real thing.”

Alex looks at me while we’re walking. “You are the real thing.”

“Alex…”

“Jade I’ve been doing some reading y’know since we met and while I’m not super up on all the trans stuff it doesn’t take a whole lot to see there’s a lot of people that are asses but there’s a lot of people that agree with you all and I’m pretty sure that I’m in that camp.”

Oh…

“Thanks Alex, that means a whole lot…I mean a whole lot…I’ve got online friends and stuff but no one knows like in real life but you and having someone real that’s good with me being me is pretty huge.”

He smiles and he sort of does this fake puffing his chest up as we’re walking. Well he’s mostly leading the way and stuff but it’s still pretty cool because we don’t stand out here at a Con and at the same time…I’m holding hands with a boy.

Yeah I’ve gone there before and stuff tonight…today…yesterday... but I mean really it’s kinda a big deal.

Alex leads us to his van and it’s a second or third hand Ford Aerostar and the paint is doing that thing where the clear coat is so old on it that it’s doing that white thing…but all in all it looks fine.

Well actually more than fine, it’s wheels. We have wheels and that is a whole new level of awesome for me.

He’s actually kept it clean and being Alex he of course opened my door first and I slip in and it’s worn and he doesn’t like be all car-jock obsessive with it but it’s seen a vacuum a few times and it’s just pretty normal.

He has a coconut air freshener hanging from the mirror which makes me smile since it’s actually my favorite kind and he has some gizmo in the tape deck?

I’m looking at it when he plugs his I-pod into it and starts the van up and music starts to play.

“Wow…That’s like cool I’ve never seen one of these before.”

“I saw one of the guys at school had one so I got one too. It’s really good if you don’t have a new vehicle.”

We pull out from the parking lot and we both seatbelt up and music starts playing and he’s got anime tunes and TV shows and we get out onto one of the main streets and he starts singing along to this song that I don’t know…?

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself;
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
Should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
I'm walkin' on air,
I never thought I could feel so free;
Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me.

Just like the light of new day,
It hit me from out of the blue;
Breakin' me out of the spell I was in,
Makin' all of my wishes come true.

Believe it or not,
I'm walkin' on air,
I never thought I could feel so free;
Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me.

This is too good to be true,
Look at me
Falling for you.

Believe it or not,
Believe it or not,
Believe it or not,
Believe it or not.

Believe it or not,
I'm walkin' on air,
I never thought I could feel so free;
Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me.

Believe it or not,
I'm walkin' on air,
I never thought I could feel so free;
Flyin' away on a wing and a pray'r,
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me.

And it’s like just after five thirty in the morning and I’m all caught up and singing it with Alex and it’s so good, so like 80’s or something but like so good…I mean it kinda is really feel good kind of music and it…this.

Me being Jade…

Even after it’s done I trail off with me still singing… “Flyin away on a wing and a prayer…”
“Who could it be….Believe it or not it’s just me…”