“You know you cannot drive without a driver license,” screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
“Sure I can. I put something in this here hole next to the wheel that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman uses to stir things with and I put this thang here in “R”, get my book about Dick and Jane and Spot and put my foot on that thang down there and the car goes, but there is always that there tree in the way.”
Supposedly written by Starla Anne Lowry
But she still will not admit it
The nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman who carried Josephine Bockkernodd to Texas and bought her an ice cream factory was not around when Josephine decided she needed to go to the store. She wanted to bake a pie and had the corn cobs, but did not have the dill pickles and po’cat meat.
She found the car, but could not figured out how to wind it up so it would go. She remembered that was how her brother started his little cars he got for Christmas.
She thought -- making her head hurt -- and finally remembered that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman put something in a hole near the round thing that he moved back and forth going down the road. He called it a stirring wheel. That thang was too big to put in a glass or bowl, so she could never figured out how he could stir anything with it.
After sitting there an hour and trying different things, she finally figured out what to put in the hole — her bobby pin. She got the car started (miracles do happen) and got her favorite book about Dick and Jane and Spot to read and put the lever in “R”. (That was for reading, of course.)
The car backed across the road and into a tree. Now, why would anyone plant a tree there? That was the second time she had hit that tree, being the second time she had decided to drive the car. Surely whoever put that tree there should know it was in the way.
A nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer came up. He was the same nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer who came up the last time she drove the car and hit the tree that should not have been in her way.
“Let me see your driver license”, gruffed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer.
Driver license? That must have been the thang that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen got for her by “pulling some strings”. Josephine could not understand that. The last time Josephine had pulled a string, her sweater came apart.
“Now, how can I show you my driver license when you took it away from me last time?” asked Josephine.
“You know you cannot drive without a driver license,” screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
“Sure I can. I put something in this here hole next to the wheel that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman uses to stir things with and I put this thang here in “R”, get my book about Dick and Jane and Spot and put my foot on that thang down there and the car goes, but there is always that there tree in the way.”
“Don’t you know to stop before you hit the tree?” asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
“Well, I stuck my foot out the door and the car would not stop.”
“You are supposed to use the brake!” yelled the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
“Now, what would I want to break?” asked Josephine.
"Are you trying to be smart with me?" asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
"No, but I did go to school one day." replied Josephine. "My brother was out sick and I went in his place. It was fun. I got to sit in a corner with a pointed hat on my head.'
"The teacher was so nice to me," continued Josephine. "She did not let any of the other kids do that. I think she liked me. In fact, I was so smart that she told me to never come back."
"Oh, why? Why do I get kooks like this?" asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.
"Oh, yes -- I am a good cook. I can boil water without burning it. Sometimes somebody steals my water and the pan burns, though," proudly stated Josephine. "But the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen pays a nicely dressed cook to fix some nicely dressed food for me. He loves me that much."
“That does it”, screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman. “I am placing you under arrest.”
“Good, I need a rest.”
“I intend to lock you up — in jail!” the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman screamed — a lot louder.
“You are not a very nice non-intoxicated revooner,” said Josephine. “No wonder your wife pulled your hair out.”
“I ain’t no revenuer”, screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer, “and my wife did not pull my hair out.”
Well, you ain’t got none on your head,” replied Josephine.
“You are coming with me” said the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer as he put the handcuffs on Josephine.
“Halp! I am being kidsnatched,” yelled Josephine as she was hauled away in the back seat of the police car.
That was the last time the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer came through that neighborhood. The next time he was a nicely dressed INTOXICATED police officer.
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--To be continued some day?
I dunno — Is it worth it?
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Secretly copyrighted 2007 by Starla Anne Lowry
But don’t let anyone know that.
Comments
I wouldn't want anyone to know
But I liked this silly nonsense. Don't know if it's intoxicating, but it seems that way, cause now even my comment is getting funny. Ghee, if you would like to write more itty-bittys like this, I maybe could learn to be smart too.
Jo-Anne
* sshhh *
I wouldn't want anyone to know
I am thinking about writing more and maybe (just maybe) lead up to Josephine Bockkernodd becoming friends with Lizzie Jane -- a bimbo and a serious girl becoming friends. Wonder how that might turn out?
But first, November 20 is drawing closer which means surgery on my knee, a few days in the hospital and about three weeks in rehab.
Love,
Billie Sue
Billie Sue
It's a tie !
And they said Ms Bockkernodd was dumber than an alarm clock.
She needs some help or she may try sticking other things different places and end up a mother. This woman is clearly not ready for the real World or most anyother Worls I can think of.
Total whacko fun. Kudos to the author who refuses to admit to it.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Its a tie!
I have a lotta fun writing it.
I began this story with Josephine going to the store with plans of shopping, but it wasn't long until I discovered that she didn't have the ability to drive there.
Now, I am going have to find her some way to get to the store --eventually. My problem is that I don't know what is going to happen next. Sometimes stories seems to write themselves.
Like the old saying I mentioned last time: Alls well that ends in a well -- or something like that. May not be the exact wording, but it is close (I think).
Smiles and love,
Billie Sue Pilgrim
Billie Sue